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Hello all. Is it really worth it seeing a therapist here? I have struggled a lot with health anxiety and OCD and I feel like there is nothing will stop this and I will live all my life this way.

In December I got triggered from someone mentioning something about dying in there sleep and I’ve never had this fear before then. I think it’s the fact that I wouldn’t know , and the fact that I could go to sleep and not wake up. but it’s gotten to the point where im wondering if I’ve been “preparing myself“ it’s changed the way I do so many things , like talk , the song lyrics I sing , even listening to singers who died. and watching movies , and everyday I mean everyday my mind tells me “ you’re doing this because you’re gonna die soon” and every time I hangout with people and not to be “ cocky” but people usually like me , and I make everyone laugh. It just makes me think of me dying and all of them reacting because im “ making new friends” to care about me because im gonna die. and I always imagine me in those videos of people posting about there passed friends/family and I full in depth imagine what people would say/post . I also struggle with numbers and things correlating it too “ when I’m gonna die” I don’t know how to explain the feeling i just used to never think twice that it could ever be me dying and affecting everyone. I’m sorry for the rant , I just truly don’t know what to do/think anymore. it’s hurting me so much :(

I’ve been struggling with health/allergy OCD lately. I’d love to hear some stories from everyone to help me cope and move through this.

Does anyone have kids and harm ocd? I swear this feels unbearable, I’m suffering. My poor family deserves better than this. I feel like I’m going to throw up 24/7. I’ve Tried doing some erp therapy at home and it’s not helping. I feel like a hopeless case

I’ve been in a bad episode for about a month now. I started when I took an antibiotic and had an allergic reaction. Even before that, I had been scared to eat new foods or take meds. But this one got me. After that I had shut down everything around me. Ended up going to the ER because of my chest about 2 days later. They said it was acute anxiety. I ended up being so concerned over my health and touching or eating stuff that I started cutting out stuff I’ve used before and ate before. Within the past 2 weeks I’ve lost 10 pounds struggling to eat. The whole time I eat, I’m scared. And anytime I do things I’m scared. Then my mind tries to tell me things happened. Like I swallowed soap or took a random pill. My health anxiety brought me down to a bad point where I spent about 3 hours a day looking up symptoms on safari. With a high of 8 hours 2 different days. I’ve thought I was dying under everything under the sun. Any pain meant I was dying. I called 2 different hotlines countless times. Took my temperature up to 5 times a day. Even over little simple stuff. I went to at least 5 different doctors. Ive been 2 days without calling or looking anything up. It’s caused me to feel intense fear. I crave looking this stuff up. Almost like an addiction. Does anyone else see their OCD as an addiction? Anyways, I’ve been trying to reach out for help. And no matter how hard I try, I feel like nothing helps. But ever since I downloaded this app and seen that there are other people like me. I’ve felt some sort of hope. When I have pains, like tonight, I’m able to push past the thoughts of something serious happening. Like tonight my stomach was hurting and the urges to look stuff up all night has been eating at me. But I got past it. Earlier I was struggling with some intense self hatred. I was basically driving myself insane trying to deal with my OCD and focus. I just kept breaking down and crying every few 30 minutes. I’ve felt really lost and disconnected lately. I also get really intense mood swings with the OCD. Going from hope to no hope. The best way to describe how I feel is that my brain is broken and does what it wants. Like it’s malfunctioning. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way. But if anyone else has had a similar experience to me, please, reach out to me. Or leave your experiences below to help me through this. I need the support of everyone. I love you all. We got this.

Is there a direct link between the two? Are OCD sufferers more prone to feelings of guilt? I have therapy today, which I try to do in person, but it's over an hour's travel there and back and today I just don't feel like it. I can't stop feeling like I'm being lazy or giving into my current low mood by asking to move it online. I'm panicking about whether the change will inconvenience my therapist or make her judge me in some way. And the guilt I'm feeling is immense. My general OCD themes are relationship and health related, so this doesn't really fall under those categories. But the guilt feels like the guilt I feel when my usual intrusive thoughts pop up. Maybe it's a perfectionism thing, idk.

I made some progress, confronted the fears and holy **** once that disease has nothing to hang on it’s literally freaking HELL Entire libido and attraction to women is back, meaning this should be the end right ?? Nope the thoughts don’t care, they are back stronger than ever and making the recovery process hell! Yesterday night was the weirdest, with my mind screaming at me that I am gay, and I am like “you know what cool ok” but at the same time there is something inside me that just says “nope that’s not you”, a clear and simple conviction that this thought isn’t true Both clashing sent me into an actual panic attack that made me actually physically ill, overwhelming thoughts going through my head to the point of wanting to literally harm myself. Accepting the possibility that maybe on the other side of the recovery process, there is a discovery that I am gay was supposed to make things better, but now my ocd latched into this to say that this is actually what I want. I understand why people refuse recovery sometimes lol, not doing compulsion make all of it 20 times worse

Tw: trichotillomania I wanted to use this forum to talk about my recent experience with a hair removal specialist and see if anyone has has a similar experience. I have been pulling my hair out for about 30 min a day, every day, for over 15 years. About a month ago, I don't know what hit me but I finally had enough. I booked myself a consultation with a woman who specialized in laser hair removal and electrolysis. I was very nervous to do this, in fact I tried to do this 2 years ago and chickened out. The area I focus pulling on is very damaged from years of pulling. Scarring, open wounds, etc. I did not know how that would be received by a hair removal specialist. Not to mention, I had a doctor look my mom in the eye and tell her I was lying about pulling all the hair out, and it was simply razor burn. (I guess I was really good at getting it out?) So I finally get the courage to go to a hair removal specialist and don't touch the area for two days prior to the consultation in a desperate attempt to make it presentable. The day comes, and she takes a look at the area. I brought my fiancee along with me because they are my number one cheerleader. I had emailed her in advance giving her context of the situation, since it's complicated. Despite this, she really didn't know what she was in for. She didn't know what trichotillomania is. I think all people who specialize in hair removal should learn what it is, as I imagine many of their clients struggle with it, regardless if they tell them. Further, since I had very little hair in the area she asked me how I remove it. I said I pull it out, but she proceeded to ask me if I shave. I said no, all pulling for 15 years, not much grows in anymore because a lot to the follicles have sustained permanent damage. She was physically shocked and wasn't afraid to say it. Her - that must be crazy painful girl Me - haha, actually I've been doing it so long I don't feel it anymore Her - that must take so long Me - yes, it has consumed many years of my life Her - didn't your mom teach you how to appropriately remove your hair Me - awkwardly exchanges looks with my fiancee because we both know I had an emotionally abusive mother who actually taught me nothing Suffice to say, the laser she did on my wasn't what hurt, but her comments did. Worst of all, as I was checking out she stressed that, for the treatment to work, I could not pull the hair out between treatments (which I knew). She ended her statement with "you can't tweeze it, have some self control". That was the statement that hurt the most of all because I know that trichotillomania is more than just not having self control, at least it is for me. It is an addictive compulsion, something I need to feel okay, something I have done every day for more than half of my life. I wish I would have told her it wasn't that easy, but I only laughed awkwardly, paid for the session, and walked home in tears.

Hey guys - I wanted to share something that has helped me in my ocd journey - in becoming stronger in myself. At first glance, Attachment Theory seems unrelated to OCD. Basically, if you haven’t heard of it - it’s a way of describing our relationships to other people - if we avoid them, constantly need to be closer to them, or are happy in the middle. The three insecure types are dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and anxious attachment. And then there’s secure. (I’ll attach an article at the end so you can read in more detail if interested). People with insecure attachment tend to deal with negative beliefs about themselves - like “I’m not good enough” or, “I’m not worthy of love” or “I am not emotionally safe”. Our behavior in our relationships is indicative of our own self concept, our self esteem, and these insecurities. Whether we constantly doubt if people are mad at us, worry about the state of our relationships, or try to avoid being hurt by others - are indications of different attachment styles. Now here’s how it relates. OCD has a lot to do with our self concept, our sense of self, and our self esteem - because of the way it latches onto our values and makes us doubt those things. A quote from a recent study on attachment in OCD patients says “Anxious attachment is common in patients with OCD and interconnects with primary OCD symptomatology.” Furthermore, “Insecure attachment leads to the formation of dysfunctional beliefs about the world and self, which influences the dynamics of OCD. It is associated with maladaptive cognitive processes such as an inflated sense of responsibility, perfectionism, and mind control. With worse emotional regulation and reduced self-esteem (which can also result from insecure attachment), it can lead to maladaptive behaviour such as perfectionistic and compulsive behaviour to secure and stabilize self-worth and safety.” Here’s the article in case you’re interested: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34506091/ One hallmark of a securely attached person is that their sense of self is strong. They are more trusting in relationships and also of their own instincts. So, looking at this data - Well it makes sense to assume that learning better emotional regulation and improving self esteem may lessen perfectionist and compulsive behavior - Basically, healing attachment style can perhaps lessen the severity of OCD, as it will make you have a stronger sense of self. *now, just a disclaimer. Take this as you will- you are the one that knows where you’re at in your recovery journey. ERP should be a top priority but this is something that may help on the side 🤗 Good news! If you’re insecurely attached- you can heal this. Look up Personal Development School online and take an attachment test. Once you have your result, there are free videos on YouTube under Personal Development School for you to access and learn about your own tendencies. If you’re interested in attachment here are some resources for you: Article - “Attachment Style May Influence Obsessive Compulsive Symptoms” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/202205/attachment-style-may-influence-obsessive-compulsive-symptoms?amp Book - “Attached” by Amir Levine Personal Development School - heal your attachment style through online courses. https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/quiz/?utm_source=google-search&utm_medium=cpc-lead&utm_campaign=18002521897&utm_term=&gc_id=18002521897&h_ad_id=615763633191&utm_content=personal%20development%20school&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1I_xlKCP_gIVFRDnCh2FZw22EAAYASAAEgJtcfD_BwE Sending love to you guys ❤️ I know how hard it can be. But I also know this - you can do this.

I keep getting so fixated on my breathing and then it will go away for a few months and then come back when I get stressed. It's just so frustrating I don't even understand what I'm scared of ??? Focusing on my breathing? It just feels like I have to breath manually and I can't stop thinking about it and it's just scary! And frustrating! I want to be in the moment not thinking about a completely normal bodily function! Sorry for the nonsensical rant it's just frustrating! Wondering if anyone else deals with sensorimotor ocd?

does anyone else spend a ton of time wondering if they are a toxic/manipulative/abusive/etc friend? slash googling qualities of a codependent/otherwise toxic friendship … and i feel like i can’t trust myself to judge whether or not i meet the criteria, since a bad person would probably think too highly of themself/not recognize they are toxic

I’m trying to forget about this problem (I have beeen worrying because when I tested myself by deliberately imagining the intrusive thought it felt like I liked the feeling of imagining doing that action in the intrusive thought, the thoughts are about smothering) I’m trying to forget about it but I get triggered all the time, I got into a habit of constantly imagining the smothering thought to ‘check’ and just now I was scrolling on tiktok and there was a video of a parrot and my head thought of the smothering thought and then it felt like I ‘liked the feeling’ of smothering the Parrot when I imagined it but I don’t know if it’s the anxiety that’s making it feel like that but i don’t even know if it’s anxiety anymore because it’s not super strong anxiety but I’m just confused, after it felt like I would ‘like the feeling of smothering the parrot’ I scrolled away and then scrolled back to the video to continue deliberately imagining the thought until it feels like i ‘don’t like the feeling’ so I can continue with my dad, but when I initially saw the video with the parrot it’s like I remember the thought because I saw his beak and it suddenly felt like ‘I like the feeling of imagining squashing the parrot till it stops breathing’ (sorry that sounds horrible) but I don’t know how to explain it and the fact that that feeling exists I don’t know what to do because sometimes I will get reminded of the thought and that feeling and then feel like I have to test myself in the thought or jsut instantly it will feel like ‘I like the feeling’ I don’t know what to do , that feeling feels extremely real and the fact it makes me feel like I like the feeling of doing that makes it more real and I’m starting to believe I actually like the feeling of smothering ans it’s really scary

man, i’m scared. a theme of mine is fear i’m becoming schizophrenic. it mostly comes in noticing the way people say things and assuming it’s a charged attack. I used to be able to blame it on trauma of past events that made me feel like less, but now i’m questioning if i’m actually becoming schizophrenic. Because it’s getting to where i’m doing mad research and other compulsions but i keep seeing more and more things that i resonate with about schizophrenia and then like how the age I am now (22) is right around when it can present itself. I HATE THIS. this stuff is so hard. i’m almost positive it’s all just OCD but like…. ya know. is it? especially when every social situation i’m in now i feel like i’m being sized up? even my family and friends. but is that just cause i’m hyper aware rn because of giving in to all the OC’s recently? or is it the onset of schizophrenia? sorry for the rant. I just so badly want to be heard.

Hey guys. Hope everyone is doing alright on here ❤️ I’ve got another tip for you. “Do the opposite of what your OCD says” We all know how painful it can be when OCD latches on to something we care about or love. It’s devastating. In some cases, it may make us completely doubt what we were before, who we thought we were - a complete identity crisis. And that identity crisis - brings us further away from our values. I had a particularly bad case of sexual orientation OCD. I had always been straight my whole life, and I became convinced I was actually gay and in denial of it. It sucked - especially since I had always wanted a boyfriend. My people out there with HOCD - you’ll get this. Anyways, I decided that I was going to pretend as if my OCD spirals about my sexuality had never happened.. and so I signed up for a dating app and started dating MEN. Even though I legitimately was so confused about it. And I met a great guy and we went on some dates. Mind you, I had so many doubts through this process - but I decided to keep going. And you know what happened after I went on a date with him? My HOCD had never been quieter. And so I invite you to do what I did - Call OCD’s bluff. Say, “You know what?? Let me see what you got, OCD. Because I am strong enough to handle this. I can do this.” So the next time it’s telling you to hide, to avoid - think about what the opposite of that would be and do it as best you can.* *just a disclaimer- make sure you’re keeping in mind the severity of your particular case and not jumping into an exposure that would be too much. I had to work up to this for a couple of months. But it’s the principle that stands - you can still call OCD’s bluff on a smaller scale too. Sending love as always ❤️ You guys got this.

Hey guys, I'm posting this be I haven't seen much about it online and I hope I can either find helpful perspectives or someone who relates to my story. As per my last two boyfriends I've had debilitating rocd that certain actions I do are cheating. It can be anything. ANYTHING. It's like l'll be in the middle of doing something and my mind will tell me l'm moving my body in a sexual way or if I say this word it's flirting (even if the word isn't sexual at all like "almost"). Or I can be talking to someone and my mind will intrusively say something sexual about them and l'Il have an involuntary groinal response and if I stay in the conversation (whilst trying my BEST to ignore it) I'Il feel anxious afterwards like I cheated. Or my mind will say I can't watch this video on yt because I find the creator attractive and if I watch it I'm giving them another "view" therefore I cheated or did something wrong. It's like my mind over analyzes EVERYTHING. It's gotten so bad to where my ocd controlled my breathing; I'll be breathing and my mind will intrusively think of "sending" that breath of air to some imaginary person in a adulterous way and therefore I cheated or did something bad. Long story short, this is COMPLETELY debilitating. I want to have a healthy relationship without having panic attacks everyday, over analyzing my past actions, scared that I just cheated on my partner. I hate it. I am aware of how severe and irrational my rocd is which is why I joined NOCD. Please, anyone with any advice, relatability, anything help. Thank you.

It feels like my life is over, it feels like I now like the feeling of smothering someone because when I imagined it to ‘test’ myself on an intrusive thought it feels like now I like the feeling of smothering someone and that it would feel good to squash someone with a pillow till they stop breathing. I feel really tired I have a migraine last night I felt like I was about to have a heart attack I kept imagining the smothering thought over and over because my brain wouldn’t let me fall asleep until it felt like ‘I didn’t like the feeling of imagining doing that’ so I kept imagining it and in the end I jsut had to go to sleep regardless but then I kept feeling like I was getting this feeling in my heart like something bad would happen like anxiety coming all of a sudden and it would make my heart feel weird and then it would go and come again …is that palpitations? It kept coming like a whoosh of idk anxiety in chest but would feel like my heart was affected and something bad would happen the o started getting acid coming up my throat. I feel terrible. Sometimes I imagine the through and it feels like I get anxiety and shudders and wouldn’t want to do that. But yesterday I was sat and home with my mum and all of a sudden it felt like an urge or that I wanted to do that smothering thought about my mum and it was coming to me really strongly that i liked the feeling of imagining doing that, squashing her face with a pillow till she stops breathing (I’m cringing while writing this that sound so horrible) I’m sorry this sounds disgusting but it feels so real I don’t believe this can be fake??? It felt so real that it would feel ‘good’ to do thag and I don’t know what to do I feel exhausted I feel so incredibly down and angry and sad and everything I keep getting really angry and shouting, like I’m taking it out on other people and arguing because I don’t know what to do or why I’m going through this, before I sue to be able to jsut forget about it but now I feel like I can’t because what’s the point of forgetting when it still feels like I like the feeling of doing that?? How can I forget it? The sick feeling of liking how it feels to do that is still there and now if I forget about it when I remember it or stet ruminating I take that as ‘me wanting to do it’ because I’m not trying hard enough to forget about it and keep going back to it, if I really hated it I would be doing everything to forget about it but here I am constantly thinking about it and believing I’m bad and like it so it must be true and I don’t trust myself and I feel so awful i thought things were getting better but there not what am I suppose to do ? How am I suppose to get rid of that feeling? I feel like that’s the only way I can live normally is if that feeling went and felt like I didn’t like the feeling of doing that, I try to ignore it but I keep getting caught up in that feeling because of feels real, and the fact that it feels like I like the feeling of doing that or that there’s and element of it that could feel good is awful and now I’m thinking I’m a evil person who gets a good feeling out of stopping someone from breathing and it’s awful. When I’m not anxious it feels like I like the feeling of doing that but when I am anxious or feeling down about this problem it feels like I don’t like it and get shudders over it why?

Hi guys. My name is Hunter Sumner. I suffer from Pure OCD. Sometimes I notice the obsessions coming in about stuff that feels true. For instance I just noticed my mom bringing up something that I thought I had already mentioned to her. This sparked an obsession of mine that I’m slowly losing my memory and getting dumber because of my use of marijuana. I know marijuana does not always help OCD and I’ve noticed it tends to make mine worse. So i’m working on getting off that. But regardless, the obsession still stands about something I feel is true. I genuinely do believe weed has slowed me down. That doesn’t bother me too much but the fact that my OCD attached itself to something that rings true, scares the daylights out of me. Because with this in mind, doesn’t that mean that OCD points to true concerns? If I start having obsessions about being attracted to someone under age, doesn’t that mean it’s true then? If OCD is in fact pointing to truths… I’ve heard all about how OCD lies to you, but what about the obsession that was factual? Thanks guys. Any and all advice would be much appreciated. Hunter

Hi I’m currently suppressing the urge to vomit and hide in some hole and never come out 😃😃 so, I’m traveling technically today since it’s 1am right now, and I have to go on an airplane, and it’s not even just the airplane that triggers my ocd, it’s the airport itself, it’s so official and security stuff scares me bc like, theres a reason they have security. I’m really tempted to start googling “how likely is it for a plane to crash” or “how to survive a plane crash” and the urge to tell my dad that I love him and to take care of my pets if I don’t come back. Why is my mind like this. Wtf. I want to enjoy my vacation, I also don’t want to have a panic attack in an airport, which has happened before lol. I’m traveling with my mom and my sister, my mom understands ocd and has some knowledge on how to handle it, my sister does not at all. How do I calm myself without it being a compulsion?? I mean, is it okay if I calm myself with prescribed medication and like trying to tune everything out, or is that feeding into the ocd? Because my usual compulsions would be to repeat “it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay” over and over again in my head, and “I’m safe I’m safe I’m safe, nothing is going to happen” and I try not to do that anymore, or just simply not go because of the fear, BUT I’m going because I’m not gonna let ocd take away anymore of my life. I’m just scared and I don’t really know how to cope with this, any advice?

I’ve been posting a lot about my new job I officially started working at the register this week (I’m working retail) and everything was okay, I had some really bitter customers and one customer who accused me of cutting up their credit card the day before (which isn’t true because I wasn’t scheduled that day) which really shook me but other than that everything was going fine until it was an hour before I go home and I started feeling really dizzy and nauseous I have to stand up for 5 straight with no breaks and I made the dumb decision of not eating before my shift because I was worried it would make me feel sluggish anyways I started seeing black and felt like I was going to puke so I quickly finished helping a customer and then had to quickly leave my register and call for my manager. I basically fell on the floor and I thought I was going to puke, my manager came running over and helped me and I felt so bad and embarrassed. She took me to the break room and got me some snacks and water after I told I haven’t eaten all day and she told me that it was most likely my blood sugar dropping. She told me that has happened to her before and I just couldn’t stop apologizing I felt so terrible and embarrassed I tried to move away as quickly as possible from the customer area. She told me that it’s okay and that she’s worried I am going to super overwork myself because I am already working way harder than people who have been there for months. I will admit that I am a perfectionist and that I always want to be the very best and be as convenient and easy as possible. I still feel like I am a failure and embarrassment though, my manager wanted me to go home early because I only had about 15 mins left in shift and so I went home and my mom was so angry with me, she didn’t even ask if I was okay or anything she just assumed I was lying to get home early and that I’m just lazy. I’ve been having intrusive thoughts now that I’m going to fired and that now everyone hates me at work. I am also really upset with how my mom treats me and doesn’t believe me. I am just feeling like a failure right now :(

Has this ever happened to anywhere where you pick up an object (maybe an object that’s caused you distress) and you had an intrusive thought at the same time or deliberately imagined an intrusive thought but because your holding the object it makes it seem ever more real like that ‘could have happened’ or if it feels like an urge and your holding an object it feels ever more real, I’ve been worrying about it all day. I’ve been stuck on ruminating about these ‘smothering thoughts’ and last night I went to go to sleep and I picked up my pillow to fluff it up and my mum was sleeping next to me and as I picked up the pillow I was aware of the intrusive thought and then I deliberately imagined the smothering thing about my mum while holding the pillow and it made it seem more real like I would actually do that or like the feeling of doing that and now all day I’ve been worrying about it because I’m worried I’m evil and would do that or could have done that or in the future will. When I went through a faze where I was scared of being around sharp objects I couldn’t even pick up a knife because it as scared I would suddenly lash out on an ‘urge’ 😖🙁