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Hi there! I really wonder.. is anyone out there that ever worked on ERP dealing with existential OCD and managed to get through this situation? If so, any ideas? Any tips?

Hi everyone, I just wanted to share something really quick that I believe relates to Relationship ocd. For a while now, I’ve liked this guy and at some point, I felt that he probably feels the same way or had at some point. Not sure how he truly feels because he has never admitted how he feels and I haven’t either, but just from picking up the signs he’s giving me and how he acts around me, that’s how I’ve been able to determine how he feels, which has been a bit confusing, but recently, he has been trying to get closer to me by opening up to me about some personal experiences from his past and trying to develop a closer connection. Noticing this, it has made me only want to shut myself away from him bc I’m afraid to get closer for many reasons and a part of it involves ROCD I believe. I’m afraid to get close to people in general whether it’s in romantic or platonic relationships bc I feel as though I always have negative energy from my ocd that I don’t want others to be affected by or even know about. I’m afraid to open up to people about my personal experiences with ocd, especially a guy that I like that I can see myself having a relationship with. I’m afraid I’ll only scare him off or bring him down with me and he won’t be able to understand me or accept this aspect of myself and view me in the worst ways and at some point leave me if we were to ever become something. I fear this with any potential partner I may encounter in my future. I feel as though I may never find love bc who would want to be with someone that has ocd? So this causes me to not reciprocate the same energy back to him. I close myself off from him or barely say anything bc I don’t want to reveal too much about myself that involves my ocd or anything I’m ashamed of from my past. Then this thought will start to go to other thought process and insecurities I have that make me feel like I could never be loved by someone or specifically he would never like me bc I don’t feel like I am a good person or will be good enough for him and that he could find better bc of my struggles with ocd and i just feel there’s other women that are above me in many ways that he would rather be interested in and give him the happiness he’s seeking. I feel as though I lack so much as a human being and that I’m not interesting enough or beautiful in any way. Because I struggle with self love and have a fear of getting close to people bc of my ocd, I prevent anything good that could possibly happen, such as becoming vulnerable with this guy and possibly getting closer to him. All I ever feel is not like myself and I feel crippled, disabled, and lost everyday from my ocd. I don’t feel I deserve love or happiness bc of how negatively I view myself and how unforgiving I am for my past experiences where I’ve screwed up or could’ve done better with something. I’m so hard on myself and the ocd experiences I have with my thoughts only make me feel I am a bad person in many different ways based on any ocd subtype I’m experiencing with my thoughts that are scary to think about or that make you hate yourself and feel shame and distress towards. I also even doubt how he feels about me even when he’s giving me clear signs that he most likely feels the same way bc I doubt that I’m that great of a person for someone to like or even love. I don’t feel I have the potential for people to love, whether that’s in a romantic way or platonically. Maybe it’s best if I continue to close myself off from him so I won’t bring any negativity into his life bc of me. All I ever feel is that I’ll only bring negativity into peoples lives. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore and ruin opportunities for myself that could become something worthwhile. If you guys could give me your honest opinion about this, I would really appreciate it. Btw, I’ve noticed myself become like this in the past too when I’ve liked someone or been in a relationship with someone, but back then, I didn’t know I was dealing with ocd or I wasn’t experiencing so many different subtypes of ocd.

Does anyone else become nervous and upset the moment they wake up in the morning? It’s like part of me wishes I didn’t wake up or could just stay asleep. It’s scary and I’m not sure what to do in the morning when I feel like I’m trapped in bed.

I don’t really know what to do anymore. I was feeling better but started ruminating again. I have imagined acting on that horrible thing so many times to ‘test myself’ to see if I hate it and now it’s become a habit to test myself all the time and I can deliberately imagine that horrible thought and don’t feel bad about imagining it and all I’m focused on is checking how ‘I feel’ to see if I would like the feeling of doing that or not because now I’m paranoid that I like the feeling of ‘acting on the thought’ because when I imaginings it, that’s what if felt like. Even when I get a ‘shock’ or ‘goosebumps’ or pull a ‘ew’ kind of face when having the thought I still don’t believe I’m good, no matter how much I prove myself to be a good person I still don’t believe it and it feels so scarily real and I don’t know if I’m actually bad and like the feeling of doing that (which is a really scary thing to feel/think about, it’s so dark and horrible) or whether I’m just confused and would never actually do that, I’m really worried tbag I like the feeling of imagining doing that because I can’t explain it but that’s what it feels like and now it’s just awful situation, now I’m worried I like some sick feeling (it’s about smothering) and it’s so scary to be worrying that it feels like you like the feeling of doing that from imagining it and it’s really scary. I test myself all the time and it’s just not good, because it’s like if I’m a good person how can I so easily imagine these things and not feel bad anymore? All I’m focused on is testing how I feel and I don’t get anxious about having the thoughts or anything, I should be repulsed at the idea of the thoughts and know for definite I would never want to do that but now it’s just all confusing and it feels like I don’t even know what the truth is anymore, I’m really confused and don’t know what to do, I keep having angry emotional outbursts of arguing and crying and I’m super sensitive and get irritated all the time and in a way I feel angry that I have to go through this, why me?? Why do I have to go through this? It’s so unfair

Curious about a persons likes/dislikes. Lately I've been asking the same person random fact questions about themselves. And after I get an answer, my intrusive thoughts find more questions to ask about what they like. And if I don't ask them, I ruminate wondering what it is and that's what causes anxiety until I get an answer. I truly don't care not one bit about this persons likes or dislikes, but my ocd does for some weird reason. It makes me feel crazy. Anyone else deal with something like this? Or know someone who does?

I have been with my SO going in 13 years now. We met in college and have been together ever since. We got married in 2021 and welcomed a baby girl in the world last year. I had a severe mental breakdown in 2013 that landed me in the hospital because I was contemplating suicide. That breakdown nearly destroyed our relationship. I had severe intrusive thoughts and felt the need to tell him all of them. I felt like if I didn’t tell him, I was lying. I destroyed his self esteem, telling him all of the mean thoughts I had about him. I would feel the need to tell him anytime I saw an attractive guy in public, I questioned our relationship and told him I wasn’t sure if I loved him anymore. It was bad and very dark. Fast forward to now and I feel like I’m letting him down in different ways. I don’t feel the need to tell him every thought I have now but since having my daughter my OCD and depression seem to be getting worse. I just feel like I’m no longer happy and my daughter should’ve had a mom that wasn’t damaged like me. Didn’t have the abusive childhood like me. Wasn’t broken like me. I feel so much guilt. It’s putting such a strain on our relationship and I feel like my husband deserves someone better. Someone whose happier.

Hello there! I'm Greg, 23 years old. I come from Greece. The truth is I've been a pretty anxious and sensitive human being all my life. Whatever may have happened, small or big, would always make me feel sad, anxious and desperate. 5 years ago, in 2018, there came a disaster for me. Returning to my homeland due to Christmas holidays, I've found my dad laying on bed with severe leg paralysis. I've also found my grandpa hospitalised in a life or death situation. That's where the panic attacks came. For about 2 weeks straight I couldn't even see what's happening in front of me. And that's where the existential intrusive thoughts came. And the OCD burst out. I lost my grandpa and a month later my grandma, his wife. A year later, in 2019, my other grandpa died also. All this time I couldn't even realise this. "Is this really happening? Am I dead? Someone has to be joking. Am I real? Do I even exist? Do they exist? Can they see me?". Those are some of the questions I've been suffering about 5 years now. The last 2 years I've been working with a psychiatrist/psychotherapist. I'm on medication too. The truth is that 2022 has been better and better for me. Existential intrusive thoughts were silenced. Even if they were back, it seemed like they couldn't even stay. Unfortunately, in December, after reducing my pill dose (Enlift) for a long period (my psychiatrist suggested this) and not being able to see him and work on my problem.. my existential OCD came back hard. 2 months now I've been suffering again. I continue working with him, the medication was again increased. He says that the reason behind this comeback is a stressful period I was into. And that those thoughts and fears will again vanish in a period of time. But I really feel like they don't. It may became a bit easier compared to 2 months earlier but I really keep ruminating and believing my fearfull thoughts. Three weeks now I'm fighting not to believe that I'm alone and nobody is even existing. Like everyone isn't there and I'm the only one see them. There are times where I feel better and even worse. But I have been informed about ERP. I found this app by being really lucky. I'm seeing that many of you have been helped out. And I'm just seeking for ERP cause here in Greece.. ERP isn't even widely known. Is there anyone that can help me in this? Thank you in advance.

i woke up this morning with anxiety and i started spiraling and i had to continuously tell myself that i’m okay and i’m fine which i feel as if i’m doing it over and over again. my ocd is telling me that since it’s been a few good days that i want all of these things to happen and be real. im hoping to be able to move forward after this morning. does anyone else get like this or feel this way or is it just me?

Once again, haven’t been on this app in a while. But lately I’ve been feeling how I was again. Some days I’ll completely forget about my worries and then I’ll suddenly remember again and then everything becomes a trigger AGAIN. I start coming up with these conclusions and what ifs and getting the most anxious feeling. I still try and move on with my day and I have gotten wayyy better at moving on. When it first started happening it’s almost like I accept my fate and decide to do nothing and let myself go completely. And soon would have anxiety attacks to the extreme like every other day. Now I try to move on but my brain is fighting me. It keeps telling me that one day I’m gonna make a horrible mistake and the only way to stop myself is ending my life. Which I do my absolute best to not let that persuade me. But it gets really tough. More than what it looks like on the outside. I feel like giving up so often but I don’t. I look back at my life and think what went wrong. But I guess this is just life. Bad things happen. And we just have to keep going. There’s a few things coming up in my life that I’m feeling anxious about because I’m scared I’ll make a mistake or that I’ll have anxiety and ruin everything. I know that’s just me trying to avoid things. But the fear is absolutely real. There’s been so many days I wanted to look something up to see if I’m right about something and I don’t because whether or not I get a good answer, I won’t get any long term relief. I will always come up with something new. And it’s exhausting. I’m also scared that one day it won’t go away at all and I’ll just completely give up. Who knows though. I just want to say I’m proud of how far I’ve come even if it’s not much.

If you dont want to break up with someone does that mean you shouldnt? Like how do you know if you should or not

Ok so I’ve started ERP about a month ago. It’s been really tough and I think I’m a little resistant to the work BECAUSE it’s so anxiety inducing. Although I don’t want to be. Could someone please clarify for me what the eventual goal with ERP is? I had thought the responses were supposed to help me “accept” the thoughts, aka feel relief. Now I believe I was using them as a compulsion. It can feel so shitty to sit with the intrusive thoughts, I don’t understand how to do that yet. I worry that it will never get better. Also one thing I really struggle with is believing my thoughts are 100% real. Makes it hard to accept. Makes me feel like a shitty person. Does anyone have any advice?

I have contamination issues and I now work at a grocery store. I got fired from my last job, at a hardware store, for being drunk thanks to lack of coping, and now I work here. When I was working there, it wasn't so bad because people mostly bought tools and lumber and hardware stuff. But now, I'm at my 3rd day here, haven't even been properly trained yet and I can tell this is going to be a nightmare. Its harder because people consume it. Not just produce either but boxes and stuff too. And people don't wash that nor do some people even wash the produce. They have hand sanitizer by the registers and I keep some on me at all times but I'm not sure how I am going to be able to work here. Theres also kids who come in with their parents to buy food and i have pocd too and i know thats gonna be a problem. It hasnt bothered me too much yet but i know its gonna make me uncomfortable. Todays my first day on the floor. I can't quit though. Anyone have any suggestions?

I have been struggling with ROCD and recently learned that my girlfriend has had a lot of casual sex and has slept with around 30 people in her past. I never did casual hookups and am now getting intrusive thoughts of her sleeping with all those different people and intense jealousy and disgust. I feel like my attraction to her is gone and I can’t imagine touching her again. I hate that I feel this way and wish it wasn’t the case but I’m not sure if I can get past it. I’m not religious and generally sex positive, it’s just not something I ever found attractive. Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and can these feelings go away with time?

Hi there! I’ve just recently received my OCD diagnosis and found out that I’ve just been raw-dogging OCD since I was a young child. Im considering taking medication to help me and my therapist suggested Zoloft. Has anyone taken Zoloft for OCD/anxiety? Any side effects that I would want to be aware of from personal experience? Thanks !!

To the ones who have been working with their OCD for awhile now and feel somewhat experienced in handling symptoms, I have a question… If you could go back in time and tell your younger self (pre awareness of your condition) one thing, what would you tell yourself to help with your condition? I have no means to treat my OCD, and only have just joined this app and acknowledged my condition and my, now, desperate need for help. Anything will help and I honestly am needing some sense of community to feel less alone. Thank you for everything!

hi everyone! i have had pretty sever ocd for five years now, and I have no idea how to make it any better. my ocd centers around contamination, perfectionism, suicidal thoughts(fortunately this one is rare), and other random bouts. does anyone have any tips at all for managing these thoughts? anything helps!!!

Hi, I’ve been struggling with OCD since last year after a really bad trip i had from smoking weed and since then new themes have come up, but the most distressing one has been Schizophrenia OCD or Mental Health OCD. My brother had an episode in 2019 and I have severe trauma and possible PTSD from the situation. He was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Last year I started to get a really bad obsession that I am going to end up like him and develop Schizophrenia. I did the worst thing possible and looked it up and found that you have a higher chance of developing it if someone in your family has it. I also have a grandpa who has it as well. I kept thinking “what if I end up just like my brother” or “what if that thought or action i just did means i’m showing early signs of it.” This has caused deep distress and started a bunch of compulsions like avoiding being near my brother, avoiding drinking after him or going in his room, or sitting in a spot he did. I kept thinking if I did those things then I would possibly end up just like him. When my mom or siblings would compare me to him in anyway even if it was positive it gave me so much anxiety and rumination. I started therapy in August of last year and it has helped tremendously, but this week my brother had another episode and it triggered a huge OCD flare up. It’s especially bad right now as I’m typing this, but my mind keeps saying “what if you’re just like him but yours may be worse” or “what if you sympathizing with him means you have some similar symptoms.” I’ve been crying a lot and super anxious. It seems like anytime I think “oh it’s just OCD” or “i’ve dealt with this before I know how to handle it,” something doesn’t allow me to accept that, and instead I start thinking that I’m going to develop it too. I have a therapy appointment soon but I just feel so isolated right now in my thoughts and it’s especially hard to explain it to my family. If anyone has any tips I would love that!

TW: hello you guys. i really regret doing my compulsion, my intrusive thoughts these days is not really affecting me that bad but still im doing my compulsion for reassurance and relief. i searched on google, does anybody with harm ocd acted on their intrusive thoughts, i saw some threads in reddit and i opened it. i saw a comment to that thread and the commenter commented that he has this friend that has severe harm OCD. he said that his friend has this urge to act on their intrusive thought, not just a compulsion, but on his actual intrusive thought. he said that his friend went to different psychiatrist and nothing helps and that made him breakdown more. that urges gave him so much anxiety yet he wanted to do it. thats why, in several scenarios, that friend acted on his urges to shoplift and collided his brand new car in the wall and felt regret, guilt, shame and even broke down after doing the actions. after reading that, it really scared the hell out of me. what if i do something like that? what do i do? every person that has OCD has this feeling that its an urge to do the actions and somewhat gave them/us an anxiety for having those urges. we also think that our OCD is lying to us, that the urges we feel is not an genuine urge. i think i will be starting to be in spiral again after reading that reddit comment. i really hate me, i really regret doing my compulsion. can somebody give me an explanation about this and somehow help me with a reassurance please?

As someone who's always had very bad eczema, I've always struggled with skin issues and self-esteem because of it. It's gotten 5x worse since I developed dermatillomania, which has been an on-going issue for about 7 years now. It's genuinely distressing and has led to my arms, face, legs, and chest being scarred up as well as my scalp. It's only been about 3 days since this was addressed professionally by my therapist, and I've been genuinely trying with the exercises, but it's really hard when I feel no sort of support, which in turn distresses me further and makes it even harder to stop picking. My mom only ever talks about it to make me feel bad, and behind my back to other family members (about my scalp specifically); I tried talking to my dad about it, but all he had to say was he was glad because the scarring was ugly; and nobody else takes it seriously. On Friday, during a test in class, I caught myself picking bad and went tk the exercises, but started crying because of how difficult it was. I had to leave class and was in continued distress for a while after. I told my partner and he just brushed it off. I tried to bring it up with him again, joking I was going to stop trying with it (I'm not) but serious about how distressed I was (I was crying) and he again brushed it off. Today was bad. I kept catching myself, and when I thought I was doing good, I'd start scratching. I told myself it was the eczema, but then I caught myself picking at scabs until they bled, and I got so upset and frustrated I bit myself multiple times(not to cause harm, but I had no other way to get it out). I told my partner I wasn't doing well in general, and he just brushed it off. This is tiring. But I feel like unless my arms and scalp are bleeding uncontrollably, nobody (outside of therapy) is going to ever take it seriously. To them, it's just a quirk I can drop whenever I want to, something I should be shamed for or something unimportant. But it's been surprisingly draining trying to do this, even just for three days, and the OCD is obviously NOT helping and making it even worse. I know I need to want this to change, and I do. And it will get better, no matter what they say to me (or don't). But it's frustrating that the same people who continuously fault me for being distant are refusing any support or encouragement of any kind when I actually do reach out. It's not even a need for reassurance, which I originally thought it might be. I just want to hear "I'm here if you need me" or a "Do you want to talk about it?" Then they wonder why I don't go to them about "bigger things."

i am genuinely so ugly. like it’s so bad i cant look at myself in the mirror. i got dressed up for family and i just hate everything about myself. im so scared im going to hurt somebody out of this strong hatred of myself. i just want to feel good about myself again. i don’t know what to do. i keep getting irritated with my family and im so worried i’ll hurt them and snap. i want this to stop i cant live like this