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I have no one to help me anymore, I wish I were dead. I hate being alive.

I’ve only been in ERP therapy for a few weeks. Recently I feel frustrated like it’s not working. I know I probably need to give it more time and that it may take quite a while but I’m looking for advice here. My therapist is doing a good job but I feel like I need to be doing different exposures. Right now we’re working on things more specific for someone with triggers like putting a belt around my neck, holding my gun in my lap all while saying I’m going to kill myself or I’m going to shoot myself. I don’t have specific triggers though. Mine are more mental and I feel like I need exposures that are going to help me because I constantly say “I’m going to kill myself” or just “kill myself.” Does this make sense?

One of my most severe ocd subgroups is dea()h (I can’t type it). If an image of someone who is de()d comes to mind I have to do compulsions to get rid of it. This of course all stems from the fear of dy()ng and I have this irrational fear that if I do anything at all, including breathing, with those images in my mind or actual images in front of me (like a picture or on tv) it would lead me to possibly have a higher chance of d()ing or earlier. I was wondering if anyone struggles with a similar issue, and if there was something you tell or convince yourself to help alleviate it. I had a really bad episode tonight where it was just constant image after image and I’m exhausted. Thank you!

First I would like to say is that tw and I also can’t afford a therapist and please give me advice I have no peace in my mind I just want to be a normal person again. Since 2022 I have been getting filthy unwanted sexual thoughts towards children I feel awful about it because it goes against my morals and characters as a human being. I feel like a horrible person and I feel like I have no rest in my mind, everyday it’s the same thoughts that torment me and I happens all hours of the day there’s not an hour that goes by the day that I don’t get these ugly horrible thoughts. I recently started getting “feelings” down there and I hate it. These thoughts came back again stronger this February. I also believe in Christ so if you have advice of how I can pray against this because I don’t really know what’s the root of these thoughts. As long as I have these thoughts I can never be free these thoughts have put me back into a state of depression and well as suicidal thoughts I just feel like I’m living hell on earth I am also 17 years old female, so please someone help me. I have tried praying against these thoughts but nothing, I have tried deliverance prayers worship etc but nothing. — I also tagged Christian ocd for advice !!

Anyone willing to share how debilitating their OCD has been? 1. Able to work? 2. Consider yourself miserable? I haven’t been able to work three years and have been occasionally suicidal many many years

I have the worst intrusive thoughts about ending my life...I absolutely don't want to but my brain tells me I'm depressed and I actually hate my life and that just sends me I to a panic.. I can't be around people for long or else my thoughts say this is the last time I'm gonna see them. Then I feel like I'm in absolute torture and then my thoughts say the only way to get relief is death. I'm so scared.. I had such a good day yesterday and now this.. :(

| don't even know what to say plus i don't speak English very well. One week ago we were discussing about living together (we're long distance). Yesterday he told me he was looking for plane tickets for the next week. | got suspicious and asked why the hurry if something bad was going on He said babe stop thinking that, it's nothing bad, I'm not going to break with you 1 hour later Just 1 hour later he calls and tell me "Sorry. | have to break up with you. I'm getting you blocked on everything because i fell you will manipulate me to go back to you otherwise" and then he just ended the phone call. 20 seconds and i couldn't even say anything just stared at the screen like a dog who was being abandoned. | just don't understand. | talked to a friend of him they don't understand either How do ¡ stop thinking about this. I'm going insane. Totally insane. This was like one of my biggest fears. | don't get it my mind don't get it can't sleep can't breathe I'm taking anxiety pills talking to friends who doesn't understand either | just want things to be normal again this is a nightmare, all the time I think he is going to unblock me call me and say he's sorry he was overwhelmed or something | feel like dying alive

Constantly struggling with the thought of "Am I a pedophile?" I have never harmed a child but have had horrible thoughts. Where's the line? If I have to ask does that mean I am one? Feeling suicidal and in need of support.

Because of the thoughts or mentally exhaustion, and got over it?

Today I feel like I want to d!e and do something to myself for the WHOLE day. Yesterday I was ok. I made sure that my family is with me, even tho I’m not the person to do it, just to feel safer. I need some relief. Does anyone has a suggestion?

I would like to get an answer for this cause i want to know why this keeps happening. I compare myself with others cause i dont see others having the same problem. When they have a setback its usually because of a hard day or a big trigger, however for me its just forgetting what i have to do. A month ago i was really good, i dont say i didnt had setbacks but i saw that im going somewhere, you know the setbacks were weaker and weaker, and one day i just someone understood how emotions and thoughts works and i was able to enjoy my day while i had thoughts and emotions, but it didnt affected me. Then i was like this is so good, but im afraid i will just forget it like everytime and believe me or not, the moment i said it i felt that im slowly losing what i learned and after some time i didnt know what to do with the thoughts and emotions when before i realized it and i was living my life like that. And then i was unable to do the same thing, it was like my brain deleted it. It really feels like theres something wrong with my mind, how it foegets just like that what i did before? And now after 1 month im still struggling, the videos that used to help me and made me realize what i need to do doesnt help me, its like im watching nothing, my mind doesnt realizez this video made me understand what i need to do before, now it doesnt make me do anything. And im keep falling back to the point that my panic attacks are back, and it makes me feel so bad cause it means i did nothing, after all this work it got back and im still dont know how to deal with it. Im feeling like how i felt 2-3 years ago, like these years were nothing. Im really afraid that sometime i will get the night panic attacks again when i will be afraid that i will hurt myself or be afraid of i will unalive myself... It doesnt seems like im learning something. Look st my other posts, it seemd like im so close to recovery and im learning alot, but now if i read those i cant relate to those... its like a different person and it doesnt started slowly, like i engaged in unhealthy behaviours, it all started when i thought "i hope i wont forget this" and then i actually forgot what i learned... just like that... and now im again questioning acceptance, what to do with my emotions when i understood that and i was working on it. Im sitting in bed and i try to remember what i did when i get these bad emotions and all i can remember is when people say "you have to let yourself feel the feelings" and im letting myself but all i do is im drowning in them. After anxiety it comes anger then anxiety again and then im depressed and hopeless and then panic comes... i dont get why letting these to come helps me, it makes me drown and become depressed which will only send me to a therapist who will say accept it too... It doesnt make me learn anything it just drowns me, i dont get this acceptance and letting myself feel bad... Im just letting negative emotions take over me without trying to stop it cause now im accepting it...and it doesnt makes me realize anything.

Frist off, I am not asking for reassurance nor do I have concrete plans of suicide, so please don't flag. I am just asking because my therapist was asking if I had Suicidal OCD or actual suicidal ideation, but I am unsure how to exactly tell them apart. I mostly get thoughts of "I am worthless and don't deserve to live" and intrusive images of seeing myself commiting suicide, but they theme ego-dystonic. On the other hand sometimes there are feeling of actual worthlessness and being overwhelmed with life.

Today i feel like crying. I am so upset today. All my thoughts are negative and they just make me upset. I feel like i need a break from life. Everything is so hard. I just can't do it anymore. I was strong for so long but today i feel like giving up. I want to feel free atleast for a day. Everything seems so tough. I am not that strong enough. 😭😭😭

Hey guys so I just got broken up with in the last week. I’ve always had really bad ocd and self harm thoughts. When my bf and I moved into together I was so happy and he understood how to help me with my ocd. I didn’t have bad thoughts for the full 8 months we were together! And then we broke up bc I found out a lot of things he was lying about. I’m living back home again, single and all of my bad thoughts and urges are back again, I don’t know how to make it stop. Living with him is the FIRST time I’ve had these thoughts go away. Now everything is bad once again. If anyone has any advice that could help I’d appreciate it.

Hi I’m looking to connect with people who are experiencing harm/suicidal and pure ocd. I’ve had these themes for a while. The compulsive behaviors have always been in my head (ruminating,catastrophes,what ifs, intrusive commands “do it”, “you want to”, “you will”, “you’re suicidal “). I’ve had other themes in between but these specific ones aren’t letting go. I’m in ERP therapy through NOCD for the last few months, my therapist is great but I’m just having a hard time. I’m just wondering if anyone has overcome these themes? What exposures have you done and how did you get through it? How long did it take you? Etc … any shared experience is greatly appreciated thanks

My mental health is at its lowest and I'm sick of existing

I don’t know what happened again. I feel so numb. I feel like I want to d!e. Not into doing something to myself and I’m making sure I’m not alone anyway, but I just can’t stand that feeling. Emotionally so exhausted and distressed. I just need someone to tell me it will eventually pass. Please. My life was so good before all of it. I can’t even be sad about it anymore. I don’t know if things can ever go back to normal. I feel like my brain changed. Idk how to explain it.

I’ve been struggling recently what if the “ what if these aren’t intrusive thoughts from ocd” because my mental health has been terrible , I’m at at ting to have suicidal thoughts and siv never been a depressed person I’m very scared of death actaully:( it’s scaring me that I’m having these thoughts and images 😕

I struggle with Harm/Suicidal OCD. This causes me great distress and worry. Not only doubt, fear, and stress! I am trying to not take medication because my husband and I are finally expecting our first baby. I want to be the best for myself & my family that I can be. What has help everyone else? The thoughts and feelings make it feel so real that I want to commit suicide when in reality I do not & they make me think so many horrific thoughts. I want to be the person I was before that didn’t have any of these thoughts. Any recommendations for help is greatly appreciated!

i remember feeling more hopeless in the past, having lower moments, mentally, you know, in 2022 i completely lost it. and i remember being 14 in 2020 and for the first time really considering ending my life. but still every day i wake up and go to sleep in the ocd prison, i am so tired, no one understands the patterns are the same, have been the same for years and yet i don’t know how to cope. it’s so exhausting.