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hey:) My name is mai, i‘m 18 years old. I think I‘ve been struggling with OCD almost all my life - eventhough i‘ve only realized it lately, thanks to a friend that made me aware of the fact that the horrifying thoughts and impulses i sometimes experience, are not „just a little stress and insecurity“. When i was a little kid i had very long hair. People always commented on it, sometimes they said things that triggered an unproportional huge amount of anxiety in me. I Never wanted to cut my hair. Someday my sister and a friend told me that if i wasn‘t going to cut it soon, they’d come at night and do it for me when i sleep. I was always a sensible and fragile person that thinks too much and doesn‘t know where to put these thoughts. At that time i didn‘t realize how much these words and fears affected me, but unconsciously i started controlling if my hair was still there every 40-60 seconds. I could not sleep if my hair was not hanging over my right shoulder where i could see and feel it. I always wore it on the right, and checked it - constantly, until one day a doctor told me that my neck was suffering due to the weight and the tense position that my head was always in. Then i decided to end this fear and cut it, so that the pain and fears would stop, reminding myself that i could always regrow it. The fear disappeared, and for some years, in which i struggled with other disorders, the OCD symptoms seemed to be somewhere in the back of my mind. I just finished school, and now i‘m preparing for the TMS (a test in Germany that increases your chances of getting into med school). Since the structure and safety of going to school regularly is missing, and since i don‘t know if I’ll be accepted for one of the subjects i‘d like to study, i feel very much out of control. I feel helpless, at the mercy of strangers and i‘m so afraid of failing the expectations i have for myself. Since this phase of „being out of control and safety“ has started, i suddenly experienced a lot of different anxieties, some of them causing panic attacks on a regular basis. I obsess about my health, i find new symptoms and proofs I could be dead or very Sick in the next few days - every week. I‘ve been to my doctor so often i think he‘s really annoyed because of my ideas. Sometimes i also have psychological fears, like what if i‘m losing my mind.? What if i‘m having a psychosis? What if nothing is even real and everything is just an illusion? Thinking about life and existence frightens me a lot. I can‘t drink alcohol of caffeine anymore because i‘m convinced it will change my perception of reality in a way i couldn‘t handle. Some days i wake up and think that the colour of the socks i choose to wear will determine what kind of day This will become. I often worry that i bother people too much, that i‘m annoying and Just hopeless and that eventually people will realize how exhausting i am, and leave. It’s especially bad in romantic relationships, and it makes everything hard to enjoy. I have now chosen to work on myself, on my real fears - that lay beneath the things i think to fear. I want to educate myself on this disease and get my life back. I‘ll make a list of things that i used to love, and am now too afraid to do. I want my life back from my anxiety and OCD.

I’m genuinely curious. What are some of the not talked about physical symptoms from OCD? I get anxiety from my OCD and it causes a lot of things for me like stomach pain, loss of appetite, etc. I think one symptom a lot of people don’t seem to talk about too much is the fear of going to sleep? I sometimes get nocturnal panic attacks and wake up in a jolt. It gets more common when I’m stressed or my period is coming. Does anyone else struggle with nocturnal panic?

Does anyone have skin picking ocd? I gouge my skin bc I can’t stand anything sticking up but then I make it bleed and feel gross and have to clean my room and shower. I’m so tired. Any advice?

Hello everyone, It’s going to be a long shot but I’m in distress. I’ve had different themes since I was a child and my first rocd episode was with my first love was when I was 18 ( I’m now 33) when one of my friends asked me if I truly loved him. I couldn’t stop crying for months, it was the most terrifying experience. ROCD left me for a couple of years, I had somatic OCD, Health OCD and when I was 26 with my ex I experienced the second ROCD episode that was absolutely horrifying. I was driving back home when this thought popped in « do you really love him? » and it was the beginning of hell. One and a half year of 24 hours ruminating. I wasn’t myself anymore, I couldn’t function properly and he left me. I went backpacking in SEA and had fun, met a lot of guys and had also couple of one night stands. In 2018 I decided to settle in Indonesia and I was « ocd » free until I met my ex and we got into a relationship. After 6 months in the relationship and finally knowing learning about ROCD (didn’t know until 2018) I realized what I was suffering from. He cheated on me and left me, but the ROCD was pretty debilitating. In 2023, I met my now husband. We met in 2020. He’s the kindest, loving person I’ve ever met. The day he told me he loved me I freaked out because I was just enjoying the beginning of our relationship. I started SSRI’s (escitalopram) and therapy in 2021 during the pandemic and it helped me. But we had to continue increasing my dose because my OCD is so strong. 2022, we decide to get engaged, I go home for the holidays and I started watching atypical on Netflix. One of the main characters left her boyfriend because she fell in love with a girl and I was like « what if this happens to me » and I started questioning my sexuality and since that day I’m spiraling between ROCD and SOOCD. We got married last May, it was a wonderful wedding I didn’t have any distressing thoughts or any doubts. After the wedding I relapsed and I wondered if I rushed the decision to marry him making me doubt about our whole relationship since ROCD didn’t leave me since the beginning of our relationship. What if I married someone I didn’t love truly ? Why am I not feeling any sexual desire for him ? Am I not supposed to at least desire him a bit ! What if I’be been in denial forever and this is why I always doubted the feelings for my partners in my relationship because I actually don’t like men ? I’ve been scanning my whole life and I’m spiraling it doesn’t stop even on 20mg escitalopram and 50mg of fluvoxamine ! I can’t say I’m unhappy in my marriage but why am I always obsessing about everything ? Why am I feeling something is missing ? If it’s not him it’s going to be about my sexuality : I can’t even look at other girls now without being triggered !!!!!!! I’m so tired, I’ve spent the last 25 years of my life in my head ! When will this end ! I married my best friend, yet I’m still unsure if I really love him it’s just horrible and I feel so guilty ! I’m desperate Thank you for reading 😭

hi, i have been having panic attacks for a year now, sometimes they happen more often sometimes I can calm them, but I am going to be on the road for some time now and I would appreciate it if someone has any helpful tips on how to stop a panic attack when travelling. The attacks are usually induced by physical sensations and symptoms, so it really feels like I am dying every time I have a panic attack because I usually have weird physical symptoms accompanied with them (numbness, crawling, fast heartbeat, heart palpitations, hyperventilating, nausea, tingling....)

Hey guys! Just wanted to give a friendly reminder that OCD will do everything in its power to distress us and make us think our theme is real. OCD will cause false feelings, sensations, and urges but just remember it is a symptom of OCD and not indicative of our real wants and desires. Here’s an example of how much OCD will affect our bodies. I once had a really bad episode of pregnancy OCD (a theme where i convinced myself I was pregnant even if it was biologically impossible). My OCD clung onto it so it intensely convincing me I somehow had to be pregnant that I literally missed a period that month fueling my OCD even more. Spoiler alert: I was not even remotely pregnant, but that’s a prime example of how much OCD will literally manipulate our bodies in order to keep us in the OCD cycle. We got this guys! Keep fighting! 😊

I’m new to this app so this is a little weird for me but in really need help. I somewhat recently developed (like 6 months ago it started to get really noticeable) psychogenic itching and it’s horribly bad. I’m at college rn and have a lot of home life stresses on top that (grandpa passes, parents splitting) so I understand why the itching is getting so severe but I do also think as I become more aware of my ocd and learn about it that it is also contributing to worsening triggers/traits/symptoms of ocd as a whole. I’m okay with that as it means I’m learning about myself but god the itching is unbearable. I’m super sensitive to temperature (when I’m getting physically warmer mainly) I’m very aware of how my body feels and that is a huge trigger for this. Anyways, my ENTIRE body (literally everything but my feet) get insanely itchy within seconds of realizing I’m getting warmer, I get nervous about it happening, I think about it when I wasn’t before, I get flushed from something, or even just having to transition from one place to another. I keep randomly missing classes, not going to eat, if I get frustrated with homework I have to take a break, chores, I can’t even work out because the heat of doing so causes it. I need to know how to get rid of this it’s killing me. I know I’m not supposed to itch and when I don’t it just gets stronger and stronger until it’s so uncomfortable I have no choice, then when I start to itch it gets even worse. I can’t mentally fight this and make it stop because it’s SO bad. Please tell me I’m not the only one dealing with this issue and PLEASE tell me someone knows a way to stop it that isn’t just exposure response therapy (that is totally an option but I personally can’t do anything with that till I’m home from college for the year). The more it happens the more I worry about everyday and the worse it gets. It was like maybe once when I did physical activity at first and only on my head then my head when doing homework and then the full body very rarely and now it’s everything multiple times a day. It just happened from me moving a box off my desk in the dorm. This is scary please tell me someone knows what do. (Sorry for such a long rant).

I feel really stupud righting this right now. I can't tell you how many times I've written something and then back spacr everything I wrote. But I guess this is my way of trying to i dont know, better myself. I read everybodys stories and I feel for each and every one of you. What you all go through, is something nobody should have to do. But I know we can't all share our complete thoughts, becausr idk about you guys. But I'm ashamed and scared. I'm scared that my thoughts will make me dangerous or violent. I often compare myself to Jeffrey Dahmer because of what I think. And it's exhausting, but no matter who tells me their story or who shares somethung similar it doesnt feel right. Nothing really feels right to me, and not in a perfect order type of way. More in a my organs are in the wrong spots, my skin feels unevenly placed on my body, and I just want to rip everything off of me. I won't go into details of course, I don't want to trigger anybody on here. But having ocd, or maybe even getting diagnosed or helping yourself through medicine and therapy just seems so pointless to me. When I look in the mirror or imagine myself I'm nothing, I'm just a sack of flesh and everything I think and feel is a chemical reaction. It's alive but not real, I'm alive, but I'm not real. When I look around and I feel my skin, there is no possibly way I can be real, there is no way my life is real. I feel crazy because I constantly think I'm crazy, and the really sad thing is I want to get worse. I don't want ti get better. But at the same time I really really do, and maybe thats why i've never healed or "gotten better" is because something deep inside my head didn't want to and it never did. I am sorry for this being a long rant/vent, I don't know what I wanted this to be, but i'm typing so here we are if your still reading this. But have a good night you know, and thanks for reading this.

Does anybody else feel like they have to go pee just one last time except it happens over and over again at night time? I usually cave and go to the bathroom after feeling like I have to for a long time but it’s always just a dribble like I didn’t actually have to go. I was seeing a physiotherapist for pelvic floor exercises and she said that it wasn’t a physical issue and that it was most likely psychological. Wondering if this is OCD? Somatic OCD possibly?

Anyone else experience breathing OCD? I keep focusing on my breathing and if I’m breathing “correctly” or if I’m getting enough oxygen to my brain or body. It’s scary and annoying. I am hyper fixated on my breathing and if I am lightheaded or other symptoms in case its an emergency. 😭 It sucks.

So I am new to this app but I was wondering if anyone had any tips and tricks to deal with skin picking. I tend to pick at my eyebrows and I have before and it got bad and then I had it under control but now I feel I can’t control it. What should I do?

Does anyone have any tips on how to get a full nights rest? I had a pretty good afternoon/evening yesterday, yet still found myself waking up every 2-3 hours with anxious thoughts. Also I have this horrible chest pain in the morning, that usually takes me a while to shake. Not sure if that’s contributing to my lack of sleep.

I am constantly thinking about my breathing because if I don’t I feel like I won’t be able to breathe. I think about my heart beat because when I’m calm I worry because I think that it’s stopping. Somatic OCD is obsessively thinking about bodily functions. Am I alone? Does anyone else go through this?

Not sure this is the best title, but my situation is that every time I see my therapist, she adds another diagnosis. So, initially I went to her after being told by my ENT that my breathing issue sounds like OCD. Ok. Cool. I can accept that. Let’s work on it. But now, every session, she adds something else. Now it’s OCD, ADHD, depression, GAD, somatic symptom disorder, PTSD, and health anxiety. Is this normal? Do other people seek help for OCD and then get diagnosed with additional things?

Just obsessing because I’m worried I damaged my retinas because I didn’t realize the sun could cause damage throughout a span of a couple of hours and I thought it was just during the peak of the eclipse. I should have been more prepared. I was walking out to my car to head home probably like 15 mins before the peak of the eclipse and the sun reflected off my car into my eye for a second. And then I was in my car worried and I have a sun roof and i glanced up and saw it for a split second again. So I just feel like I should have better prepared and wish I could go back and not been careless. I keep trying to look things up but idk.

I'm stuck. My compulsions always centered around expelling all anxiety from myself, but now I've found something external that can't be neutralised - completely ego-dystonic centered around the most horrific thing I've encountered in my life and the thought that someone could know I had watched it and thought I was genuinely into it sexually. I always clung to this idea that I could expel enough anxiety that it wasn't bothering me. Wouldn't be perfect, but I could at least get rid of it enough to function well. But this has knocked me down completely: This is a thought that will always cause me anxiety anytime I think it, every social situation, every day at work is a ticking time bomb where I feel I have to avoid it. There's positives. I've learned a lot about my compulsions around perfectionism socially. After the anxiety passes I'm still confident, I'm still funny, it doesn't affect my personality. I know it isn't me. But I can't laugh off the subject matter like I would normally do, and no matter what I do I will always be able to think something that causes me anxiety on this. And when it does, my anxiety slaughters me. It throws me cognitively, if I've eaten anything, I get to taste it twice; that happened yesterday - Thankfully I have a great relationship with my manager and team leader so could convince them to keep it between us and keep working but the moment you feel your stomach go and the saliva starts to come, it's coming up whether you want it or not. The anxiety spike hits me when I wake up in the night, stopping me sleeping. When I'm enjoying myself 'too much, it brings it up to put me in my place. When I go to the gym or out with friends, the fear of the anxiety hits me. It's actually not even the situation anymore, it's the anxiety about the anxiety. But I've watched myself slide backwards from all the incredible progress I've made. I've made mistake after mistake feeding compulsions I never should've done, all the time working towards a different compulsion that I thought would magically fix all this. That's the most insidious thing about OCD. The more you try to fix it, the worse it gets. I've never had this before. Never something external that can't be resolved. I can't sleep much. Can't eat a lot. Watching my muscle mass deteriorate. What if it happens on a date? What if it happens in an interview? Why this? Why did my OCD latch on to something this disgusting (That one probably answers itself actually haha). Either this helps me finally realise that not all thoughts are meant to be resolved, reveals more about the OCD and helps me improve. Or it doesn't. Anyone had anything like this? A period of sustained downhill with the OCD that you pulled out of? Something external that you couldn't ever get confirmation of, but helped you in the end? Maybe didn't, but you still soldiered on anyway. Just looking for a little optimism tbh.

Mentally AND physically. Ever since I got a cut on my nipple last May (because of bad bras and work), I have been obsessed with the idea that I might have breast cancer. I am obsessively doing breast exams and squeezing my skin to feel lumps. The other night, I squeezed so hard that it actually formed a bruise! Thanks to Icy Hot and Tylenol, the bruise is fading quickly, but I'm tired of causing myself pain because of these thoughts. Outside of me doing it to myself, the only pain I feel is from a ridiculously tight bra (I NEED to get a new one...) and the normal wear and tear from having a physically demanding job. I'm just. so tired. I want to exist without obsessively fearing over this. Before this, it was teeth. I have one that sticks out, and I was CONVINCED that it would just fall out. Maybe getting all of this out will help me...

I’ve been having this since a month and it’s horrible like I might forget how to breathe it becomes manual, and it’s every second of every day, distractions don’t really help and I feel so hopeless. I am not diagnosed with OCD, diagnosed with GAD but after a bad cold I developed this similar OCD condition being so hyper aware of my breath.

ive become fixated on the idea of somehow no longer being able to breathe and suffocating, just out of nowhere. and i know this isnt going to happen to me but im so scared of this happening that i start focusing on my breathing, and it feels like it IS harder to breathe but im pretty sure its just my anxiety and im playing tricks on myself… only issue is im not really sure if this is part of my ocd specifically

Worry about groinal responses while laying down and worry when i hear relatives voices. I adjust as a compulsion and worry if im arousing and if i dont move i worry am i dwelling.