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how do I know what I felt wasn't genuine attraction but false attraction? I can't keep living like this.

I’ve been with my partner for over two years. We started a long distance away, and I remember feeling so in love, but the day my partner came to see me, I got into a place of fear. A month later, I decided to break up because it led me to high anxiety, and I thought I was better off alone. I started to feel she was the person causing all this anxiety. It took three months to work on me to realize it wasn’t my partner. It was me. We got back together and decided to give it another shot. I took it day by day because we were still a long distance away, but she decided to come back and live in my hometown. I remember times of going to see her and feeling significantly in love, which would reassure me I was in love, but then coming back, I would feel numb and not feeling anything, and my thoughts would trigger me into thinking if I was in the right relationship. I took it day by day when she finally moved back and lived in the same state, and we were doing great. Getting to know each other, I was present and enjoying the relationship. I felt so cared for, so loved. I would have doubts from time to time, but I was able to let those thoughts go. I even told myself I had seen myself with this person for a while because she had become my best friend. And then, I started to get overwhelmed with things around me. That led me to think I was better off alone, or even to think if I was settling or there was something better? Or I should feel more. This thought came into a spiral, realizing it was a pattern, but then I thought, okay, I need to work on what’s bothering me to make the relationship work, and then I said I need to break up. It was a contact thought of breaking up. I don’t know if it was an intrusive thought, but it made me anxious. Thinking I should leave my partner. I’m so sad and anxious and don’t know what to do. I wanted this relationship to work, and I was doing fine. I saw us making so many plans for the future, and now I feel closed off, and I don’t know what happened. Do I have relationship anxiety? Do I have OCD? Did my overthinking make me think I should be better off alone? I also feel upset. I don’t know if I feel upset with myself. It’s confusing.

Has anyone had this fear that they were abused in childhood and just don’t remember? And that’s why you have harm related thoughts? Like, I kept thinking if my mom abused me in childhood even though I had not ever thought or felt that way before, it came up a few months ago when my therapist was talking about complex PTSD which then freaked me out thinking something super horrific happened in my childhood and I just don’t remember it. My mom and I are super close, always have been. My mom was protective of me, but never in an abusive sense. She would just worry whenever I went out with friends and such, and wanted me to text her every now and again to let me know what was going on. Even in adulthood she sometimes wants to check in on me if I go out somewhere (even though we live together) and she even tells me to not worry about it and she knows it’s just her anxiety that gets the best of her, thinking something bad happened or what not. Anyway, I kept thinking about this and I thought is this abusive behavior? My mom wanting to check in on me? And I think of course not, it shows she cares and loves me. It’s not like she’s a hounding my phone every second or what not, just a text or a call to see what’s up. But my mind takes it further and thinks this is controlling behavior or something. So it goes back to the was I abused in childhood and I just have repressed memories, and that’s why I get harm thoughts towards my mom. I’m always thinking there is a deeper meaning. I never even thought that before in my life, about the abuse part, but it has become stuck in my mind and I’m scared it will ruin my relationship with my mom.

Has anyone had kids while dealing with this theme? Right before my big flare up, and my SOOCD/ROCD was triggered this summer, my husband and I were in the process of talking about trying for kids. We have both been very “will we, won’t we” when it comes to kids, but this past winter I felt a big urge to have children now that I am 30. Every part of me was excited for this journey with my husband and our future, until my OCD latched on and now it’s all gone. I am so terrified to have children now because what if something happens or I change and I ruin not only my husband’s life, but now I ruin my (unborn) child’s life? I wish I didn’t have this guilt. If this OCD wasn’t there I would just be living my life like I had been, but now I just doubt everything.

Maybe triggering to some So today I had a new flair of new thoughts and it made me question if I don't actually fear entering a relationship because of these thoughts. Bear with me a bit of my story I came out of a very toxic relationship of 6 years one of which I had even gotten engaged. Yet in that relationship I was belittled, cheated and ignored where it seemed my needs were never important, fast-forward after the break up! I had tried many other relationships but I had this ever lingering fear of "what if I get hurt again?" and "what if I'm not enough and fail her again?" The worst part is that after I broke up I usually ran away at the first perceived flaw on a person that would "hurt me" so kinda of a perfectionism applied to a relationship? Could this be ROCD or could it be I'm just deeply traumatized? I don't know I might talk to my therapist next week about this. Along with these thoughts I had others like "you don't/can't get a girlfriend so you are gay" and it drives me NUTS because I'm literally disgusted by the idea of being with a man lol, other thoughts include "Oh you don't need a girlfriend because you have your friends" and it gives me anxiety because I really want a girlfriend and honestly I love my friends but they do not replace a romantic partner. I hope someone understands

my rocd is causing intrusive thoughts on the lines of "what if I like this guy and im attracted to him and i dont like my partner and ive mentally checked out of the relationship" and with other people too, but this one guy is a minor!! at least I'm under the impression that he is from what I've been told. I am freaking out. it's such a hard day and on top of all of it i can't stop thinking about if me and my parents are at a point where we need to breakup or if we are going to be okay. Everything feels like it's crumbling down and im stuck at work doing mark downs, no distractions. Just these awful gut feelings that make me believe I just need to isolate and not be around anyone for their sake.

Hi everyone, Im posting this because I’m feeling quite deflated after a bit of a spike with my OCD. I’ve had several themes, one of them being around my relationship. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 7 years. We’re in a very strong relationship and have been through a lot with my mental health. He’s been an absolute saint throughout the whole journey and I could never thank him enough. I had a very severe obsession about me being unfaithful/having feelings for someone else. It was about a male friend from work who I was pretty close with, he was really a lovely guy and was there for me through a lot of other life things that were going on at the time. We used to go on a lot of work nights out, I didn’t have the best relationship with alcohol, and it was definitely a coping mechanism during the tough life circumstances at the time. There was one night where this friend stroked my leg in the taxi on the way home and I didn’t stop him. fast forward 2 years later, I remembered this said event, which I’d obviously forgotten about and it spiralled out of control. I made myself very ill. It was before I knew I had OCD, or even knew what OCD actually was. The compulsions were horrendous - confessing again and again, checking memories, convincing myself things happened when they didn’t. I convinced myself that I had feelings for him. It was a very hard time. After a long recovery and seeking help/medication, I overcame this theme. However occasionally there are small triggers. Such as recently, we have been watching a TV show where the main character has an affair. It has brought all of those feelings back. I just feel totally devastated and ashamed. Of all the themes I’ve had, of harm and even POCD. This one hits me the hardest. I think it’s because I love my partner so much and the thought of losing him breaks my heart. I’m truly holding out that this will be just a blip, and will surpass. But I can’t help feeling that these triggers are going to come for the rest of my life and the thought of having to deal with feeling like I don’t deserve my relationship every so often is terrifying. I’m so sorry for such a depressing (and long) post. I just needed a place to express these feelings as it would be very hard for someone without OCD to understand. Any advice for these feelings would be very appreciated 💕

Ex and I split 5 years ago, have a child together so remained completely platonic and friendly and done stuff as a 3. Zero feelings or attraction. Now I have a new partner and he has a new partner my anxiety has latched onto 'what if you still love him' and will give me thoughts of us being intimate which honestly are not appealing. Not even kissing. It feels awful like I'm mentally cheating even though I don't want him. He wanted me for years after and I turned him down so why is OCD triggered now. I'm distressed.

Basically last night when i was rummaging i searched up childhood signs someone was a lesbian and today i was with my boyfriend and he saw it and asked me about it and i had to come up with an excuse but now im starting to think that he actually thinks im a lesbian and i dont want him to leave me but what if i am a lesbian and im denying it?? Im so scared and confused

I can’t stop obsessing over something my boyfriend said!! I know it was just a joke but my ocd latched onto it. It wasn’t important but now my thoughts are racing, like would other people accept what he said? Would a good person say this? Did he say a bad thing? I’m so confused and I can’t keep living like this! I can’t control what others say, people are always going to say things and I want to be able to let them go because when it happens, I spiral and then can’t relax and everything’s ruined. I struggle to look at the bigger picture of things, and think if someone says one bad thing, that makes them a bad person. How can I help myself in the moment when things like this happen? Please could I have some advice!!!

Pls pls help me…and if you have even 5 mins give it a read maybe.., i am posting after a while as life came hard and fast to me so i have been dealing with ocd for about 5 years now with different subtypes from health to suicidal to homosexual seen quite a lot and now idk if this is rocd or not but i need a little help… so i was on and off with this one guy for a long time lets say 2 years and never was in a relationship though and had intense feelings for him but he never committed as such so it never happened and i thought of him to be my TWIN FLAME.. cause he always came back and left and came back again but nothing happened still and i changed cities for my higher education and finally met a great guy and someone who i could finally open up to and fell hard for while this other guy started to fade away always knew the soft spot would remain but rest faded because i love someone else now and my recent guy has a girl bestfriend he is close to and they never did anything but he told me before he met me and after his breakup with his ex he thought his bestie and he could have something but he shut them down completely when we got serious. Yesterday this guy i thought of as my twin flame or whatever came back after 4 months of no contact and i handled the situation well and told him i was with someone else and everything and that i was happy as well but a part of me was sad he didn’t do what he is now maybe a few months ago cause then we could be together but nevertheless i am happy where i am now since then my brain has been thinking a few things like my how i dont want to do anything but my current boyfriend what if he went with his bestie behind my back and i left him and went to this other guy to see if there’s a chance but then if i am even thinking so means i want it and i am being selfish and its not like rocd intrusive thoughts cause doesn’t feel so but actually wanting to do it otherwise why would i consider it and be thinking about it so much and maybe even lie to my boyfriend about it? He leaves me first so i dont have to but if i think like that means i want and i am combating guilt and regret and being selfish but if i am okay with him leaving cause then i think i get to be with this other guy means i do and i am lying to him and if thats what i want what am i doing and if its playing in my head thats not okay and i am with him cause selfish and i am scared he would leave but okay with him fucking up and leaving so that i get that chance but if i want it at all means i want him and this is a safety option and not what i truly want and i am lying to my boyfriend? if i am okay with him leaving and would go to kar that means it already in my head and what i want i just want him to do that so i go without regret thats toxic and selfish and if i already feel like this that means its true and i feel nothing for my boyfriend? what am i doing with him and then just there until he fucks up and i leave and if thats what i want then i already dont want him or know so and not like intrusive ocd thinking but actually thinking and possibility and if i am okay with that that means no feelings for the current guy i am selfish and toxic and just not a good person but not saying truth cause also scared and want to keep around but thats not okay and not ocd and just i know not ocd just thinking and if hoping for it even tiniest thats pathetic he loves me and i love him so why do i think so and do i even love him of one ex coming back can make me think this and question and will be okay even the tiniest bit with what i thought?!? Idk if i am even anxious i am writing this normally so its true thoughts and not ocd and i know so so its cant be also which means i am wrong and selfish and not right?

I'm going to share some info I just read on Instagram and I think it's very helpful to understand the difference between intrusive thoughts and 'on purpose' thoughts Understanding Key Terms: What's ruminating? Ruminating is any passive or active mental engagement with your OCD question. This includes trying to answer the question, monitoring thoughts, scanning for triggers, avoiding them and suppressing thoughts. What's my OCD question? At the heart of every OCD theme is a feared question. It might be about relationships ("is this the one?") health ("What if I have cancer?") or identity ("What if I'm the type of person who would intentionally hurt others?"). These questions spark intensive anxiety because they suggest a potential negative reality about you and your future. To escape this discomfort and sense of lack of control, you ruminate, seeking a definitive answer. Why is Ruminating So Hard to Stop? Ruminating feels essential because it appears to be necessary for resolving your OCD question, making it incredibly hard to stop. However rumina is counterproductive because your OCD question is UNANSWERABLE. The more you try to resolve it, the more confusion and frustration you feel, creating a cycle of hopelessness and helplessness. This only intensifies the urge to ruminate. Why Ruminating is Within Your Control The Reality of Intrusive Thoughts: Most believe the thoughts are uncontrollable, but most "intrusive thoughts" are actually created by you in an attempt to answer your OCD question. Ruminating Fuels OCD by: -keeping your OCD question stuck in a mental loop. -fueling your anxiety,anger, shame, etc. Illustrating the Concept: Imagine a woman struggling with ROCD. A thought about her co-worker's attractiveness pops into her head, contradicting her all-or-nothing beliefs about love, such as "I should find my husband the most attractive" this triggers shame and fear. She starts questioning herself: "Does this mean I no longer love my husband?" "What if I cheat on him with my co-worker?" She then imagines cheating to assess her emotional reaction, trying to uncover a hidden desire. This woman feels trapped in a cycle of Intrusive thoughts, unaware that most of her thoughts are actually mental analysis she's generating to figure out if she no longer loves her husband and will cheat on him. Recognizing that the initial intrusive thought triggers a series of intentional mental rumination is crucial. These actions perpetuate her distress. The implications for YOUR HEALING: Realizing that most of your thoughts are self-generated in an effort to resolve your OCD question means you can choose to stop trying to figure it out. This knowledge can help you break the OCD/anxiety cycle.

I’m confused. I think I’ve gotten progressively more boy crazy and more of a hopeless romantic, but I’ve completely manipulated myself into thinking that boys just don’t like me and I think it’s a fact. In the past, I was confused and lost on what my sexuality was so I would be in a lot of “flirty” friendships thinking that I genuinely liked my female friends I had these friendships with but that was far from the truth. I can’t imagine myself being with a woman but for some reason it’s just easier for me to talk and flirt with them. I have trauma involving why I brainwashed myself into thinking that I’m a magnet that repels boys from me and I still think that and it’s ruining my brain. (I have a crush on this guy and texted him for the first time, he never replied!!!) which honestly proves my point even more. Am I right or is just all in my head? Some advice please!!

I’ve been sharing on here a lot. My therapist is out this week. But in the last few days, it feels…like I want to do the thoughts. Like I had the realization that I could just do them. And want to?!! Like…I don’t understand. I wanted my dog here and alive and now I guess…I don’t anymore? Like it feels like I’ve become everything it’s told me. The non stop thoughts and urges and images and feelings…have won. I’ll be fighting it, but like…get this sudden impulse feeling of like “why are you holding yourself back?” and like..I check to see if I still love her and want her and it feels like I don’t. Or like I do but I want to do the thoughts more. Or I’m with her and my feelings are like “just do it you could just do it.” I feel like I’m just holding myself back and it’s getting too tempting. I don’t understand. I’m going to give my pup away and just…I don’t even know. There’s no way out. I can never go back to normal with her.

This can be triggering for some people. A bit of my story. About four days ago I started having really bad anxiety along with intrusive thoughts about my friend. Let's call him A. Really graphic sexual images along with the words "You want to have sex with him" it sent me into a spiral of paralyzing anxiety and doing compulsions all day everyday. We had developed a close friendship but I did not and still do not see him as anything more than a friend or brother. I've always loved women had women this guy is even my wingman to set up dates with girls lol Right now my thoughts had fluctuates from having sex with him to being in love with him and I am very disturbed by this. I'm not in love with this guy. I like him as a friend as my brother. I've done everything I could to avoid him that if I didn't say the phrases right or if I didn't remind he was my friend something bad would happen. To try and combat the thoughts it just doesn't go away. And everytime I describe this situation (even now) I feel anxiety and not at all a good feeling. It's gross absolutely gross to even imagine my best friend in a sexual or romantic light I feel as if I'm losing control. That something horrible will happen. I also had a thought about him and other of our group being in an accident and dying I felt awful. I also have an appointment with a specialist next week. I just want someone to talk right now because I feel alone. Very alone I have this feeling on impending doom.

Hi everyone this is my first post on here but I need advice relationship ocd and ocd in general has taken such a toll on my life as of recently my boyfriend and I decided to not be together we still communicate we’re on good terms and he’ll be visiting soon( long distance) recently a friend I went to school w dad passed and it got me thinking of another friend (male) I used to have feelings for him LONG ago my boyfriend knows of that and I searched his name on Instagram recently and now I feel extremely guilty for this and feel like I need to confess this to my partner did I do something wrong? is this a normal feeling with ocd? someone please give advice.

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling with a lot of doubts and anxiety in my relationship, and I’m not sure if it’s normal or if it might be something more like relationship anxiety or ROCD. I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone who is incredibly sweet, caring, and kind. And not to mention this is my first relationship ever. Despite knowing all of this, I often find myself overwhelmed by doubts. I constantly question whether I really love him or if I only like the idea of him. Sometimes, I worry that I’m just staying in the relationship because I don’t want to be single or because he’s the kind of person I’m supposed to be with. These thoughts feel so real, and it’s hard to shake them off, even though I don’t want them. I also tend to find “icks” or small things to criticize, and it feels like my brain is trying to push him away, even though I want to be with him. I feel guilty for having these thoughts, and it makes me overthink whether I’m being honest with myself about wanting the relationship. At times, I rely on external validation, like when people tell us we look cute together. I’m scared I might be too focused on what others think, instead of how I truly feel. I also feel guilty about small things, like not responding in the way I think I should, and I worry whether I’m capable of loving someone else. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by how “perfect” he is, and it makes me try to find ways to dislike him, even though I know he’s a good person. I also feel nervous about things like meeting his parents or not fully enjoying his sense of humor, which adds to my overthinking. I want to be with him, but I’m stuck in this cycle of doubt and overanalyzing my feelings. I just want these thoughts and anxieties to go away. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Could this be a sign of relationship anxiety or something more? Any advice or insights would be really appreciated.

i feel like i need some perspective. i’ve never been in a successful relationship and it gets hard bc you don’t always remember that relationships have bulk and that there’s hard times. i feel like im being taught that right now bc me and my partner are going through a weird time. anyways im at a place where my thoughts and obsessions have returned. i’ve always questioned if i really like her or really want this relationship and it’s so confusing for me. one day i am so in love with her and worry free the next im constantly questioning. i get these thoughts like do i really love her, what if we don’t get married, what if there is really just something missing and we’re not right, i feel like my ocd and anxiety is warping everything and i genuinely can’t tell or feel anything… it’s makes me so sad and guilty. we’re already going through a weird time it feels like i’ll ruin it bc ive been left in my relationships over my mental health before. i made this weird timeline in my brain where by now (10 months) i should be free of worry and so sure of being in the relationship. these past months ive learned so much about myself and her and being with someone who actually cares that im beginning to trust to give these more messy parts of myself to her. and NOW i feel guilty for that bc it’s taken me this long and so that must mean something lol. like that ive been pretending or stringing her along and that this is not a permanent feeling. so now im all confused and spiraling all the time. any advice is so helpful, im starting with my new therapist friday and im really hoping she will help me too.

I feel like my rocd is flaring back up. Me and my boyfriend are in college and we’ve been saying for over 5 years now. We started dating in the beginning of high school and now sophomores in college. we’re 5 hrs apart and we don’t have much to talk about we know each others schedules and it’s pretty much the same. I get really anxious when i don’t have this immense feeling of love for him at the moment when i think or talk to him. i do love him so much but I feel like the distance makes us dry and i begin to feel distant cause we both have our own lives but i am anxious that i will fall out of love or if im in the process of it and im lying to myself. my friend was like oh do you see yourself marrying him and im like im only 19! and then i was like do i not want to?! the absolute spiral my brain goes through… does anyone know how i can cope so that thoughts stop. i just wanna be present for my boyfriend and only think of the positives.

The thoughts still exist. For the last couple months I’ve been able to say I don’t care and lean into the comfort of being uncertain. Im having a tough time with some things personally right now and guess what decides to show up… Anyways, I’ve been trying to get used to the fact that maybe I’m bisexual with a romantic preference for men (I’m married and love my husband) but when you start going through your compulsions it’s soooo easy for everything to blur out. To my knowledge I’ve never had a crush on a woman but I’ve most definitely watched same sex porn and have thought women are hot and beautiful, then come the thoughts about comp het and how I’ve never been an overly sexual person so that MUST mean something. Ugh idk, just looking for someone to chat with I guess!