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I always see self doubt in relationship ocd where the person doubts they love their person, but I feel like I more often struggle with believing my person loves me. Is anyone else this way?

I am starting to finally come to terms with my SOOCD thoughts and give them less power. I’ve been getting them less and less, but now I’m feeling numb towards my boyfriend. I’ve had ROCD and SOOCD for awhile now, and I just feel so numb and confused about what if I don’t actually love him? I hate this. I can’t picture myself with anyone else in this world and I just am constantly questioning this feeling of doubt. 😣

I really feel I misunderstood my attraction to men with seeking attention and empathy from them , i have evidences 😭

Does anyone else deal with rocd that latches onto partners morals/different opinions? Me and my bf talk about social issues/opinions and what we would do in situations on call sometimes and in some areas we agree, but a lot of things we have different opinions. My ocd treats it like MY opinion is right because it’s the most common opinion I see on the internet and if my boyfriend has a different view/ doesn’t see things as big of an issue as I do or vice versa my ocd tells me “you need to overthink about this he might be a bad person he has a bad view!!!!” Like one thing is that he believes you can joke about but not hate a certain community, like for example, he makes gay jokes that could possibly be offensive to some, when actually he does not care if someone is lgbtq+ or not, he will treat them like anyone else and be friends with them, he just makes little jokes now and then. He will have stronger views than me with some things and something I think is serious, he won’t think is serious and my ocd does NOT like this 😭 it tells me my bf has to have the exact same views and morals as me or he’s a bad person

Relationships are so difficult, even without OCD, and yet some people make it look so easy, it hurts. It’s never been easy for me, and it makes me feel like I’m just not meant for love. I found someone that I liked, that I felt initially drawn to, but when you stop admiring someone from a distance and start putting in the work it becomes tough. I was quickly met with things that I thought were “weird” or “cringy” or “annoying” and I started obsessing and it scared and stressed me so much, because I finally found someone that I actually wanted to be with, but my preoccupation and obsession over his flaws made we worried that it wasn’t right and that it would be taken away from me…by myself! I felt like there were two parts of me fighting inside, and I wanted it to stop. We’re now dating but I’m still obsessed and worried all the time by the flaws that bug me so much. I keep feeling that if they bug me this much it means I don’t like him, and I’m trying to learn to accept them and live him unconditionally, but it’s difficult. Like I struggle being in public together with my bf and our friends because I obsess over the way he acts when he’s hyper and trying to be funny and cheeky. I obsess over how his voice sounds so much different when he’s more energetic and hyper and trying to be funny. I keep feeling bothered by it, and then feeling worried that it bugs me, or that I find it cringy or annoying. I don’t know what to do. I want to stop worrying so much, but how do I get past these uncomfortable feelings that I have towards his social personality and idiosyncrasies. I want to learn to accept him in all settings, but I’m struggling. And I feel so anxious when plans are made to hang out as a group because I know I’m going to feel icky towards my bf, and it’s worrisome. What do I do. I’m so exhausted, but I want this relationship to work, I don’t want anyone else.

i have recently started a job for the first time in my life. i've had to stop it temporally because depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety-ocd have all made it impossible for me to work. but the worst of all is my relationship ocd. my partner and i have a lot of conflicts. most times we don't argue, it's just a minimal conflict, but it leaves me anxious for the rest of the day. there are recurrent topics in these conflicts. for example, today we "argued" because she has a lot of dark humour and i get very anxious when i hear her making comments about it. i'm not necessarily against dark humour, but I can't stand HER doing it, can someone relate? my head starts spinning around the idea that maybe we're not compatible and we shouldn't be in a relationship. i don't know what to do. i'm going to therapy (it's common CBT, i can't afford ERP), i'm on meds. im sincerely desperate and my suicidal thoughts keep coming over again and again. i'm not exactly looking for advice, just venting and validation, but any feedback would be appreciated. thank you 😊

I feel so sad I know my body is not the standard and my boyfriend used to watch porn almost every day and I cant stop thinking about it along with thinking of his exes and I feel so sick. I feel embarrassed for ever showing him my body what was he really thinking? I’m so so gross

So.. I'm not okay. I'm not doing okay right now. For this week I haven't really been okay. I don't think I've ever really been as happy as I used to be since high school began. I can still be happy and laugh at things and enjoy some parts of my day, but I'm not fully enjoying these things. There's always things I'm worrying about. There's always imperfections that I notice about myself. There's a lot that I need to work on, and it's been here. OCD hitting me in 2020 made everything in life even harder than it already was. For four years now, I've been struggling with this. Horrible anxiety that is making me question everything about my life. The things around me, myself, and the future. There's things around me that aren't in my control that are bothering me and things in my control that are bothering me. All I can do is try to distract myself from these things, but that's becoming harder and harder. Lately, I've had a terrible relapse in my OCD and it's caused me panic. I was feeling absolutely horrible about something that I remembered a couple of years ago. It led me back to my old habits and everything came back full force. I'm just not happy at all. I'm not happy with myself. I'm suffering from OCD and it's not fair. I have extremely low self esteem, I don't believe in myself often, and all I see are the problems that I have. The mistakes. The screw ups. There are good things that happen, but they never seem to outweigh the bad ones. I really hope medication will help me with this. I can't really take dealing with this anymore. I don't even know where adulthood would have been like without OCD. It hit me when I was 18. In questioning so much about my life and I don't feel like I'm ready to handle all of this. I don't feel like I'm ready for the adult world at 22 and it just doesn't feel like I've prepared myself for this. I'm not really sure how I can to begin with though. There's someone that I fancy in life. They're an introvert like me. We have common interests. I love seeing them. I love talking with them, even if it's not much. I love listening to them talk so much. I just really enjoy their company. But I'm not ready. I don't feel like I deserve to be with this person because of all of my problems that I'm dealing with. My OCD. My 10 year porn addiction. My low self esteem. My worrying. My relapses. I'm just not ready. I'm really trying to just find myself as an adult in the world. It feels like I can't really live my life because of OCD picking on me in any way that it can. I just don't know what to do. I get vivid images in my head. They sometimes enter my dreams. I compared my childhood to my adulthood and it hurts. A lot. I just don't feel well. There's things and people that I'm thankful for. There's things and people that I appreciate. There's things and people that I cherish. I wish those were all easier to focus on. Instead, I'm constantly thinking about things I can't change. Bad habits that I have trouble undoing. Mistakes that I wish I hadn't done when I was younger. Things I wish I knew at the time. Should've. Would've. Could've. I guess I just want to go back to life where I was hopeful about things. When I didn't have any reason to doubt something or someone. Or even myself. Back when I could have so much fun with things without a care in a world. Back when I could truly live my life. I want to cry but I just don't feel like it. I just want to be able to forgive myself. Believe in myself. And not worry about myself so much. I just want my life back. I just want to be where I used to be. I just want to be OCD free.

Something about my bf is bothersome to me and makes me anxious in public, but I can’t entirely figure out what it is, and it’s so exhausting trying to make sense of it. I can’t tell if it’s the way he acts in public with our friends, or if it’s just the way he sounds when he’s being cheeky and having fun with our friends, or if it’s both, or if it’s neither. I’m worried because the more I try and think about it and try to figure it out the more I feel like maybe I won’t be able to ever handle it, maybe I’ll dislike it forever, and maybe it’ll be the death of my relationship. It’s so stressful and exhausting. I feel so anxious when I know I have to hang out with my bf together with other people. I just want to be able to hang out with him in public around our friends and be happy. I want to stop being so anxious and worried and bothered. > and I want to stop feeling the impending “ick”! < I’m worried that me feeling bothered and turned off by his traits means I should just leave. I want this to work out so badly, but I can’t even figure out entirely what it is that bugs me so much, and even if I did I know it’s not something he can just change, nor do I want him to change. I want to learn acceptance. But how do I learn to accept when it bugs me so much. I just want to stop feeling this way all the time.

Hi guys, i’m really stressed out as my intrusive thoughts and urges have been more frequent regarding ROCD. Do urges feel so real for anyone else and give so much anxiety? For context, my rocd revolves around being unfaithful towards my boyfriend and i’m always super careful. my brothers friend came over and he was showing me pics of a recent wedding he went to and i was anxious as my dress was low and i was kind of covering it. also i moved away and didn’t make much eye contact. but before rocd i was normal. but now it feels like all these intrusive thoughts and urges are so real. like when i was talking to him he was sitting sort of near me and then my intrusive thoughts were like “oh you wanna kiss him” and the urges kept coming and i was really cautious about talking and moving my head / lips and i am so scared i was unfaithful or did something wrong because i still spoke and turned my head towards him when i was talking with all these thoughts in the background. it feels so real and i was really anxious the entire time. is this ocd just blowing things out of proportion snd catastrophising? i really need some advice :(

Hi guys I just shared my story recently and I’m scared. When I keep busy it’s a little better, but I feel really awful right now. I’m remembering what I said to my sister during our fallout from what I did and the result of it. Is making me really sad and scared. I found out she is also joining NOCD so I’m a little worried she will see my post and I realized I never said my “intrusive” thoughts were not true. What if she thinks I meant all of them, I don’t think a lot or even everything I said to her was even true it was practically all false and untrue intrusive thoughts but I can’t seem to totally trust myself on it since I feel like I’m just saying it because she might see this, but also I’ve been wanting to tell her it wasn’t true what I said and did. I feel a relapsing of emotions I want to go back and change it I hate my reality it’s good but I’m constantly reminded of what I did and I feel sick. How does one live with this change and move on when the person you love the most you push off the edge and now she drew boundary off of our relationship it is getting a bit better but it’s nothing like before we were so close we shared and told each other everything, I feel like I want to die and come back to everything back in the past to be different. How do I live like this…. She is doing it and I know it’s really hard and I know I’m victimizing myself but I wonder if I was even doing my best I wasn’t working on my techniques because I felt it didn’t work and I let go but I didn’t realize how bad it could be I mean that’s why I went back to therapy but even then I wasn’t working completely on it despite feeling like I did sorta. Was I doing the best I could then? I hope so but if that was my bets I feel like a loser. how do I go through my day and be excited for life when I feel so distraught and depressed. I need help so bad.

I’m just feeling so freaking upset. I’m constantly having to talk myself down from panic attacks and self-sabotage. I’ve suffered with the same theme(s) for YEARS at this point and I’m just done I’m just so sick of it. And, I’m so freaking scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and have children because I want children so bad but I can’t even be off my meds for a week let alone 9+ months (my medication can’t be taken during pregnancy). I’m also scared because I feel awful that my boyfriend will be “stuck” with me once we get married. My OCD wants me to confess my innermost (obsessive) thoughts and feelings to him. Reality is blurred, when I have these flare-ups I’m sick to my stomach worried I may have done something bad and I’m constantly ruminating on whether I did or not. I just want this feeling to leave, and knowing that this is a persistent theme that I may deal with for a much longer time just makes me want to cry. I’m so afraid of hurting my boyfriend or having already hurt him, and it’s the same with everyone else in my life. And, I am Catholic, and the sacrament of confession for me gives me so many mixed emotions because it’s healing for me but at the same time I have to be so careful of what I say so I don’t start confessing as a compulsion, but then afterwards my OCD tells me I’m just not confessing because I’m guilty and I know it. I’m so so sick of this. I didn’t sleep last night and I can tell I’m tired physically but emotionally I’m too anxious to rest so I took some Benadryl and maybe it’ll help me fall asleep. But I just maybe need someone to talk to on this post.

I hate saying this, but I’m extremely sad. I sit in my chair and dissociate. It’s hard for me to confess my feelings. I truly feel empty. OCD makes life so much harder to live…it really does:( along with that I have 4 other things to deal with mentally. I am Christian, but other Christian friends have excluded me. The only one I had to call for awhile was 988. People have disappointed me, and I’m aware that God will never fail. But I’m at the point in my life where I’m craving a romantic relationship, but it eats at me everyday. Love is a painful ideal. I found a celebrity that I’m attracted to, and I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but it actually eats at me. Like I hate it sometimes. He is married. I saw the picture, and though I know rationally that he is a celebrity…it really hurts. I am not delusional…and I don’t know why this is:/ I cut out everything he is on, because I get depressed when I see him. Though I rationally know God was with me in my darkest moments…most times people weren’t. I just want someone who chooses to listen to me. It sucks. And this is my last effort to be heard. I give up. It took a lot for me to write this. I will definitely be deleting, but I am so lonely. God bless you all🙂 Romans 8:29 Jeremiah 29: 11❤️❤️🫂

Relationships are so difficult, even without OCD, and yet some people make it look so easy, it hurts. It’s never been easy for me, and it makes me feel like I’m just not meant for love. I found someone that I liked, that I felt initially drawn to, but when you stop admiring someone from a distance and start putting in the work it becomes tough. I was quickly met with things that I thought were “weird” or “cringy” or “annoying” and I started obsessing and it scared and stressed me so much, because I finally found someone that I actually wanted to be with, but my preoccupation and obsession over his flaws made we worried that it wasn’t right and that it would be taken away from me…by myself! I felt like there were two parts of me fighting inside, and I wanted it to stop. We’re now dating but I’m still obsessed and worried all the time by the flaws that bug me so much. I keep feeling that if they bug me this much it means I don’t like him, and I’m trying to learn to accept them and live him unconditionally, but it’s difficult. One thing that has been kind of comforting to me in a way is knowing that there are people who are married on here who struggle with ROCD. It’s not that I’m happy that they’re struggling, but it gives me hope that even through the struggle I can choose love. It’s also comforting because I’m only 19 and it’s nice to know that there are older and wiser people that I can look up to who are struggling just like me.

I've been with my husband for 9 years. I've had ocd intrusive thoughts about him being unfaithful or masturbating to pornography or unfaithful things like that. But never did I want a divorce. Back in January of this year my husband said he wanted a divorce, so my children and I left to families house because we had no where to stay. I ended up getting a job, and during this time apart from my husband I nearly, if not completely, forgot what most of my ocd intrusive thoughts were when I was with him. I felt good about myself, refreshed, and knew I could make it without him. Fast forward he ended up wanting to talk and here we are trying again being married and a family. Now that I'm back, the thoughts and feelings are back! I feel miserable with him. I feel anger, resentment, I can't seem to heal when I'm woth him. I don't want to regret getting back with him but it's almost like I do. I'm starting to believe that not only enjoy but LOVE being alone. I actually love the feeling and my life when I'm alone.

What is a good way to express to my husband that it's not helpful for him to say, make sure you stay committed to the process, when I've only just begun. I just got my diagnosis yesterday and actively fought a compulsion today. I confided in him that I'm in a guilt loop because of it, but that I'm aware and fighting on. That's when he said, "just make sure you stick to this because I can't do many more cycles of this." He's a big, just do it and get it done guy and I'm trying to convey to him that inches to him mean miles for me.

ive realized throughout my entire life ive had ocd symptoms. all of my fixative rituals, things like my fear of upsetting anyone ever, always keeping internet tabs open, missing and obsessing over the same people after they left my life and never being able to feel closure, my recursive fear of everyone i love betraying me, the paranoia i have about my girlfriend, every single thing i've experienced was a result of obsessive thought patterns and rumination. i don't understand how i never hit the nail on the head earlier. i really hope this means i can finally find a way out. i'm tired of my periods of being better just being management, of never truly feeling safe, of obsessing over people who hurt me and their words. i'm tired of being haunted by ghosts and obsessing over everything that reminds me of them. i want to be able to take my phone off do not disturb. i want to love my girlfriend without being afraid. i want to feel safe around my friends. i want to not have to be obsessed with something to survive. i hope that figuring this out means there's a new path for me. i hope i can learn not to focus on my fears and doubts. i can't remember a time where i wasn't haunted by them.

this is gna sound like a reddit post… when i went to the psychiatrist and was told i have OCD, i was like “whatt no 😅😅” and then i went home, told my parents, and they said “yeah obviously.” so let me get this straight you let me suffer… wash my hands till my knuckles cracked, starve myself because i thought food was poison, avoid physical touch (and still have that boundary be crossed by family) because it felt dirty, NEED I GO ON??? and you just did nothing???? no intervention, no push for therapy or treatment, nothing. i had to BEG to get therapy when i was 15 because i couldn’t function as a human being with the amount of anxiety i was feeling (i didnt get diagnosed with OCD till 18) is it selfish of me to wish they had intervened?? they told me they saw the signs. they kept track of how many times i washed my hands a day, they let people know i dont like being touched… so why did i never get treatment idk im probably being dramatic

My rocd has been going on for almost 6 months now. I always have something new to worry/ruminate about every day whether it’s an old mistake my partner made or something new he said that triggered rumination, also some things I feel I need to confess. It isn’t just “sometimes” where it happens where I let it all out to my partner, it’s every single day we message/call I’m seeking reassurance from him or asking him 10000 questions, a lot of what I’ve already asked 10 times in the past and it ruins his mood. I have noticed I feel drained every day and some days numb/not much emotion with my partner? ( only since I’ve been having rocd spiral) I love him and he is perfect for me is it possibly just because of the amount of stress in dealing with is absolutely tiring me? He also said he is a bit less excited to call/message because of how I instantly seek reassurance and ask questions every single day for hours and it’s never a normal fun call. He said he knows he will get better if I get better and learn not to reassurance seek. He has been trying to find ways to cope with the stress like constantly gaming. Anyone else been in this situation where both sides feel drained/ a bit less happy? Does the happiness return once the person with ocd is learning to improve? Is it understandable that he is stressed/less exited to call?

2 moths ago I blew up and spilled all my intrusive thoughts into my family and broke my relationship with my older sister. of my 19 years of life it has never been this bad of a relationship with my sister never and we were two peas in a pod before super duper close confiding in everything in each other and now I broke her heart, trust and reliability in me she now has to go to therapy and she has ptsd from what I said and did: I regret everything and each day I am haunted by what I did, what could have been and for not being able to regulate. I went to therapy for a year and a bit more a year ago (for anxiety, change difficulty and high functioning on autism spectrum didn’t know I had ocd at the time) which helped tremendously but then because I got better I stopped taking it seriously and did not work on my techniques and did not ask to go back to therapy. Then I blamed every life decision and intrusive thoughts onto my family and said many things I wish I did not. The conversation started and stemmed from simple topic of deciding on an invite from a friend the night before but I put on intrusive spin on it and it stated my downfall of thoughts and my indecisiveness. I talked to my sister then my whole family then proceeded the following days I still put blamed and terrible thoughts and distrust onto my family who cares and changed our dynamics entirely. I said so many hurtful things and did not heed warnings just because I couldn’t sit with my thoughts and emotions. And because I didn’t realize the consequences or feel remorse at the time even though I was warned. Now I do and god it hurts like hell on earth. I also said a bunch of things about my entire past so my sister found out every supposed truth or honest thing I said to her was not so. She really liked how honest and open I was but now she found out everything was a “lie” and that I felt/thought so many bad ways about her and my family. Complete 360* she said she feels like she doesn’t know who I am anymore and I don’t either. Now I am left picking up the pieces and am distraught with my reality I kept on repeating trying to relive the misery with talking to my family but now I realize it no good as I’ve been told repeatedly so I should stop and at least here I could release it healthily and ask if anyone has every done the same and if there is hope for putting back all the pieces again. I don’t wish anyone to have to go through the same things I did but if there is someone out there like me I could really use some home right about now. Because now I haven’t really been in touch with my sister at all for moths despite living in the same house and she put me away on her socials which she told me she would if I kept on pushing back on our relationship and now complete social media connection is practically gone and her life practically as well as she is trying to heal and protect herself from me. I am sad, I am scared, I regret. And I didn’t want to work on myself because I believe I could return to the past and change it and it will all be better again. Help and redemption I hope to gain through NOCD and now I know I have OCD from my second diagnosis from today I wish I figured all this out sooner and worked on my therapy as well. (_ _).｡o○ʕ⁎̯͡⁎ʔ༄