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How can you know if you are really attracted to someone?

Does anyone else make a list of things that they have been told during arguments, or offhandedly, that upset them or just pops up during rumination? The lists also usually include, for me anyway, things like "don't do x, don't do y, make sure not to say z, you always (something someone said)" and I look at them any time I have confrontation with the person or experience a stressor that includes the person. Sometimes just when I am obsessing about a conversation that I had, or might have. I just can't help it, I want to make sure I don't mess up. I want to do everything I can to not be what my brain decides is Bad.

Here I am again after almost a year of thinking I was doing better but recently slumping back. Does anyone else constantly think of an event or mistake you made in the past and can’t let it go? I told my husband forever ago and he just wants me to let it go. He doesn’t understand why I’m so upset. But to me it’s like it’s the worst thing imaginable and that I’ve ruined his trust in me and I keep feeling like I should bring it up and there’s things I’m not telling him even though I have literally told him everything. Please help.

So I’m new to OCD still, very much in my ocd infancy as I was diagnosed in October and am still learning what is and isn’t ocd. My ROCD is still my worst by far and I’m scared I’m getting too comfortable with these thoughts and that I’m starting to mean them. My compulsion when I have the thought of hating my girlfriend is to test how I feel when I say that I love her and how I feel when I say that I hate her. The problem right now is that I can’t stop thinking about doing it so I can know that I love her, because the thoughts are here and they are violent right now. And what’s scary is that I’m not actively challenging them. Like when my brain says I want to break up it doesn’t feel necessarily bad. I’m also scared because I’ve been in a depressive state that I can’t tell what emotions are mine or not. Like today we went on a date. Every time she smiles I smile, I laugh with her and I listen to her, but there’s some emptiness there. I’ve felt that for pretty much everything recently though so I think it’s a general depression and not being around her. God I hope that’s true I don’t want to lose her. Again I’m having trouble determining what is a compulsion or not. Because on one end I know me testing it is, but I’m scared that me saying I love you to her even when I don’t 100% feel it right then (she genuinely has done nothing wrong and is nothing but supportive and wonderful) is a compulsion, or that the thoughts I have where I’m thinking of spending the rest of my life with her are obsessive/compulsive and that it’s not real. I’ve posted a lot about my ROCD here but I know I’m around people that understand. OCD is so fucked up and I wish I didn’t have it and that I could just be in a happy normal relationship. We compliment each other so well and it doesn’t make sense why I feel this way when I left my ex for her, she is the light of my life and she treats me with so much love and respect so why am I scared of being unhappy, why do I think I’m unhappy? It doesn’t make any sense. My guess is that I’m generally unhappy and my brain wants to make sense of why and is blaming her. I can think of a lot of reasons why I’m unhappy. Im burnt out frankly. Im so behind on schoolwork and I’ve had a lot of body dysmorphia recently and I can’t tell if I’m trans or if I’m just tired of being fat. I think also having the intrusive thought of needing a trans partner is also TOCD which I tho j I do have to some capacity, however I have had feelings of wanting to be a woman since I was a kid so I’m not doubting those feelings. I get scared when I feel numb to everything and everyone because that means I could break up with her and I don’t want to. I don’t want to lose her. Im not saying I would never find anyone again but I don’t know if they’d be as great as her. Sorry this was long I’m just really struggling.

(18+ only) How do you cope with that feeling of not being deserving of good things? This event is from when I was 18-19 (I don't remember the exact age, I think 18). I was scrolling on tumblr reading NSFW anime comics and looking back one of them had underage characters. I dont know how I didn't realize because it was super obvious, they didn't even look like adults or teens but I didn't think twice about it because I wasn't seeking out underage stuff and it had lots of likes so I just read it and kept going not thinking twice about it. I mustve thought it was the art style or something, I have no clue how I didn't realize or register what i was readinf. I also think I have a false memory of saving a repost of it to my drafts. I'm pretty sure I only read it once and then scrolled on, but my OCD is telling me I saved it. I keep looking back feeling like I did something incredibly unforgivable. I dont know the legality of it either and I feel like a secret criminal. I don't know if my OCD is blowing this out of proportion but I don't feel like it is. Even if it was years ago, I still feel like I dont deserve good things, I feel like I can't be in relationships because they don't know the 'real' me. I feel like people lie when they say I deserve kindness. I'm nervous to tell my therapist too, I don't want to be judged. Idk.

No, not every behavior my bf does means he’s cheating. Just stop telling me that. Him having friends that are women does not mean he’s cheating. Me having male friends doesn’t mean I’m cheating. Please stop trying to make young girls compare their relationships to YOU (even though the influencer making these videos is SINgle most of the time). It’s damaging, and you enjoy the validation of making other women insecure. 🤦‍♀️

I constantly worry that no one likes me. Did grow up as the scapegoat but my parent passed away 7 yrs ago and now I have been in therapy as well as my mom but my other two siblings refuse therapy. So there has been some healing between me and my mom which I’m happy about! But I’ve also been scapegoated in friend groups mainly bc there will be one jealous friend and then they try to get everyone to go against me. Anyway I have met a few friends here and there that have really impacted my life in a positive way. However, I can’t help but ruminate on how “everyone doesn’t like me” and then I go down a rabbit hole of searching on tik tok, google and Reddit trying to find some magical answer as to what is “wrong with me” and why I have issues with people even some family and yet there is no answer except that people just project their negative feelings onto me, and many other people have experienced that as well. But yet I still keep feeling like there’s something innately wrong with me. Even my therapists validates my experience and has taught me boundaries and explains how I’m not the problem yet I still loop with this thought. I also think this is linked to another ocd thought because I always tell myself I need to hurry up and prove to myself that my siblings can get healthy and I can fix the family dynamic issues and then find a perfect group of friends so I will be “happy” and then I won’t supposedly suffer and want to d*e. By the way I am not suicidal so thats why it’s kind of like an irrational thought. I did have suicidal OCD though but would never do that. So idk? What is this?

Me and my online boyfriend have been broken up for a week because our mental health wasn't going great and we need to focus on our health first. After countless of stress and overthinking of many doubts and waiting for him, I am having many many many unwanted thoughts of a past ex and I have many worries all at once. self harming (hitting my head) is usually what I do to punish or correct my mind for even thinking such thing like ex from 9th grade. But I feel like after hitting my head so much, it made it more worse? TikTok and other social stuff is not helping me rn after seeing "soul ties" of ex's, relationships or mercury retrograde and it worsens. It makes me anxiety more worse. I don't know what to do and I'm more terrified than ever. All I wanted to do is wait for my online bf and believe in the good possibilities and hopes between us especially hope that we would reconcile when we are ready. As you know I really love this online boy and would never cheat or hurt him. Idc if we are apart I will wait for him and still be there for him yk. But my thoughts are so messed up and it's bringing like a feeling or werid emotion :( like a rushy feeling of unwanted excitement I suppose. I'm literally stuck. I'm stuck with these thoughts and I don't know what to do.

It's like sometimes (only sometimes bc im mostly obsessing), I dont care how I feel in that moment. Like Iam numb to anything. There is not happiness or sadness. Like I dont care what happens to me, dont care about my friends, family, life. When I know deep down thats not how I really feel. In reality, I love my life and family so much. I just cant feel it at the moment. My poor husband and kids. I have to keep telling myself that is my OCD and that Iam a good person that does actually care about everything... Its so sad

Tomorrow is my birthday. My best friend and I are going to be front row for my 2nd favorite band of all time. I've been planning and hyping this up since October. I'm very excited, as I never do anything for my birthday besides having off of work. I've never gone out for my birthday before in adulthood because of covid and also lack of friends. This will be the first time. My best friend (who has their own best friend) and I have been extremely close for 6 years now, and have gone to a lot of concerts together. They started a new anxiety med last week and it is making them have an extremely bad episode of depression and anxiety right now, and they told me they don't know if they should go to the show tomorrow. They said they feel they can't drive in their current condition. I said I am willing to pick them up (even though I would rather not because they live an hour away), but I'm gonna be honest... I don't want them to come along. I don't want to go alone, either. I don't have anyone else at all who I can go with, and I can't tell my friend that I'd rather them not come if they're going to radiate horrible energy the entire night. I've been so excited for this for five months, and I've been doing fairly well lately overall- working a lot on art, feeling like me, and trying to recognize my bad thoughts better-- but now I'm just super worried. I feel like a terrible friend, like I'm being extremely selfish and hypocritical. I'm worried I'll make them feel worse. When I have an episode, I wouldn't want anyone to turn me away simply because of that fact. I always want as much support and comfort as humanly possible and am terrified of people being upset with me. When I'm feeling happy and fine, however, I don't want other people coming to me with their struggles. I don't know how to handle my own, let alone someone else's. This tends to come off as me being mean and insensitive. I deal with enough, and though I always try and help others, most of the time I just really don't want to. I'd rather not be reminded of what I struggle with myself. I'm afraid it'll rub off on me somehow because I don't like being reminded of my worst. I'm such a f^cking hypocrite and I don't know how to not be this way. My thoughts keep racing, telling me tomorrow's going to suck now, telling me how lonely I am because I only have one friend, telling me that this situation is going to trigger an episode of my own as well, that it's now suddenly so uncertain. I did give this friend an 'out'- telling them that if they are too afraid to tell me no, that I am giving them permission to bail with no hard feelings out of their best interest. This made me feel both so selfish and so selfless at the same time, because on one hand, I don't want to be around that bad potentially triggering energy, and on the other hand, I was giving up the only person I wanted or COULD to go to this concert with. I said that their decision won't ruin my birthday regardless, and that I can't be the one to tell them what to do. They said they ARE afraid of ruining my birthday but still want to go. We're talking right now and I admitted that I'm afraid of making them feel worse. I've never seen this person like this either, and it makes me scared of seeing them like this, and scared of how I'm going to handle this. I took a sedative as a precaution, because I felt this feeling would fester into something worse, and it cleared my mind up just the right amount for me to realize "hey, it's not my responsibility to make them feel better. It's my responsibility to enjoy my birthday!" Regardless, I AM going to this show and I AM going to have a good time. I just feel like I'm being a horrible, insensitive, selfish friend. This is the closest friend I've ever had and though others are telling me I have every right to be upset, I still feel like a piece of sh^t. I just hope I can get hyped up without going over the edge tomorrow. When I get too excited, I have a panic attack.

I keep having unwanted sexual thoughts or images in my mind and its really stressing me and my compulsion is to avoid and block the tought the thing is that i am a believer i dont and if do erp i am supposed to facd my thought and let myself think abt it but my rocd male me feel that i will have sins and that i can not let myself think such things so idk what to do abt this sexual thoughts

does anyone have any tips on managing and controlling this? especially if you have said questionable things in the past or as a kid. A long 13 yr friendship of mine is ending and the ex friend really despises me.I can’t help but obsess and ruminate over what I could have possible done wrong even though they’re the one who said hateful things to me. I can’t help but wonder about all past friendships and ex friendships and whether it’s tied to me being a good/bad person. Does anyone have any advice on managing this? I try to reflect on different friendships and why it ended but still end up ruminating on my morality and self. Thank you ❤️

I just recently got into a new relationship. While we were still getting to know each other and before we started dating, I still had different guys adding me on snapchat. I added one guy back, went to open his snap, and it was an inappropriate picture. I immediately unadded him and stopped adding anyone else back. Now that me and my current boyfriend are dating, I feel like I “cheated” even though I didn’t and did not choose to see that image. My OCD is telling me I don’t deserve to be with him and to break up with him. The guilt is weighing on me and I want it to go away. Will this get better?

Lately since my obsession started (which has gotten out of control). I have not been able to function. I keep forgetting to do certain things. Forget where I put things, remembering certain dates. I am a mom to 2 beautiful kids. and I can’t even give my kids or husband the love they deserve bc of OCD. I feel terrible. I feel like my husband is going to eventually get tired of me and leave me. It’s sucks bc he has no idea how OCD affects the life of some many people. Some people have some forms, they can just let go quickly. But OCD like ours is another beast. Would not with this on my worst enemy.

This is a little embarrassing to talk about but I’m really worried. I feel embarrassed and I dont want to sound like I just expect s3x all the time. But a lot of the times that I make the first move with my partner, he rejects it. I wish I could just get over it quickly like a normal person but my rocd tells me it means he’s not attracted to me anymore or doesnt like me. I really dont know what to do. I get so anxious I’m sick to my stomach, and then it looks like I’m acting out because I didnt get s3x when I wanted to. What if that is what I’m doing? I don’t want to be a pervert. This has been an issue before and I’ve brought it up but the conversation never really goes anywhere and I’m just left confused. I dont want to bring it up because I dont want him to have pity s3x with me for some reason or feel like he is being forced. But I dont know how to get over this anxiety, especially when my self-esteem has plummeted lately. Am I being a baby? To clarify, we have had s* x before.

I’ve been with my wife for 5 months. We haven’t moved in together 100% yet for various reasons but we spent 50% of our time together in the same apartment. I knew she had some anxiety before we got hitched, but she promised to treat it. I didn’t know it was SEVERE anxiety, OCD and intrusive thoughts. She washer her mouth after a kiss for fear of bacteria amongst other things. I don’t care about the compulsions. I care that she cannot handle any slight amount of stress. She always needs space if there’s any tension, sometimes a week. I didn’t understand didn’t understand her condition in detail and felt often that she just maybe didn’t love me because she never cared if she hurt my feelings. If I raised a concern, she’d get frustrated and overwhelmed. Even by asking “Do you see us growing old together?” She’d get super annoyed. She’s 37 and I’m her first real and serious relationship and her first real lover. It was too stressful trying to meet anyone and she only talked to 2 guys before me a few times in the past few years. She’s a very warm loving snuggly person who took great care of me in many ways. She promised to get treated and kept breaking her promise and I eventually lost a bit of patience and told her I cannot continue and I want a divorce. She tried to keep me - even did everything she normally finds disgusting or shameful to show me she’s normal and for me to stay. When I told her it’s over, she was crying, and super sad for a couple days. I was crying non stop for like a week. She’s the only woman I’ve ever truly loved, but I just couldn’t see light at the end of the tunnel. 5 days later I met with a counselor here and felt bad because I started to understand her more and I realized I’m probably triggering her unintentionally because she thinks and feels differently. She was sad for a couple of days and then she flipped to angry, overwhelmed and never wanting to speak to me or see again. In fairness, I had messaged a bit too much to make sure she’s okay. I was worried. I apologized to her 4-5 days and said I never want to leave, I’m just trying to find a way to make our relationship healthy - she can’t communicate well or deal with any negative emotion or criticism. I asked if she can forgive me and we can try again and She said No. A week later - I met her for dinner to end things nicely. We had a wonderful evening. She was hugging and kissing me, I slept over, she clearly was jealous and didn’t want me in any other relationship, but the next day after sleeping over she was annoyed when I said I don’t want a divorce. She still hugged and kissed me from her heart after. Next day I called her and She said it’s just not going to work, it’s my feeling. I asked why she feels that way and mentioned feelings change. She had a bit of a meltdown and I tried to calm her. She just said, I’m sorry. I’m too nervous. I can’t talk. I have to hang up. Please don’t be mad. I’m hanging up now. Click. Literal overload and meltdown. I contacted her mom and brothers for help, she got super mad. They all Blocked me everywhere and said she never wants to see or talk to me again and that there’s too much emotional distress. I don’t understand how she thinks. Is this just her being overwhelmed? Is it actually over? Does she need some time to calm down and remove the block? Will she ever remove the block? For now I’m giving her space. It’s been about 4-5 days… but how much space is too much space? She’s still my wife. So confusing being married but single 😵‍💫

I dont find that helpful cause when im sensitive any thought can make me feel a certain way like i know im loved but when i feel sensitive i can think noone loves me and i know its a lie but i feel that noone loves me. Its a lie but now i have to let myself feel it and its so frustrating when you know its not true but you have to let yourself feel it. I hate it more when poeple say work on why do you feel like that. Well thank you my mind will come up with a million story why do i feel this... I feel like nothing helps every method makes me angry...

Hi all. I’m struggling with ROCD. My obsessions have taken different forms over the past year but I’m finding this current one really upsetting. I’m in lovely, stable and safe relationship which means a lot to me and I’m very fearful of losing. Recently my OCD has been telling me that I must want to be out of the relationship and ending it would be for the best as it’s the cause of all my anxieties. I’m worrying now what if it’s not OCD what if that’s how I feel? That’s not what I want! I love my partner very much and feel very happy with him but these doubts are causing me extreme doubt and anguish now :(

Anybody else have obsessive ruminations about their partner being a “moral” person? It doesn’t relate to God or a higher power but rather being obsessed about my partner not causing harm to others/ fighting for social good.

I recently had a dream that i was romantically in love with a child, but we didn't do anything sexual. I've never had a dream like this before. But now when i recall on how i felt in the dream it's like i felt a romantic attraction. And i remember the feeling, it feels so real.. I wonder if the romantic attraction was just a figment of my imagination and OCD or I'm actually a pedophile. I've struggled with pocd for a while, but I've never been sexually aroused by a child. Does anyone have any answers?