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So I’m trying really hard to grow and learn how to deal with my insecurities but it’s starting to get really difficult. I’m away traveling and I’m finding myself and my confidence, but while the guy I’m seeing is at home it’s just all fallen apart with him. He’s recently dealt with a really difficult thing in his life which I’ve been there for him through, but during it he realised he needs to find himself and figure things out, he doesn’t know what he feels towards anything and has told me he doesn’t know what the future holds, or where he stands with me. I’ve come to terms with the fact we may not be together anymore, but I fell in love with him so this is taking a bit of a toll on me emotionally. He said that with me feeling the way I do he didn’t want to hurt me, he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore (at least that’s what I’m assuming from it all) but he’s saying he just wants to take it chill until I’m home and we can talk it through which I’ve agreed on. But I said to him in gonna be going a bit silent, that I’m gonna give him some space now and need some space which I think made him realise that I’m not playing around anymore. I’m really upset about it all, because seeing him with another girl will kill me inside, but I also don’t wanna hold him back from being happy. I’ve asked previously if we’re seeing other people because I don’t want to and he said he isn’t, but that was a couple weeks ago, so I’ve asked again and idk what his response is going to be. I’m worried I’ve lost him, for good, but I can wait to find out. I’m just gonna miss him, I feel like I’ve done everything wrong in trying to keep him. I said that I can’t force him to like me, and he can’t force himself to have feelings for me that he doesn’t have anymore. What stung most is that he didn’t say he doesn’t have feelings for me, and he didn’t say he does. He just doesn’t know what we wants and he’s confused. I keep giving my heart to people who don’t want it. I just want someone to want me

I feel my heart break when I think of losing my bf, I still feel a small part of me want him but now everything is pointing me just being lesbian. I’m convinced now that I only like being w him because of the male attention😭thinking of being lesbian and being w women doesn’t feel like desire at all like how lesbians describe it, but it feels so real and part of me just wants to give up and break up with him and just give in to this :( I get a lot of anxiety now thinking about being w men and feels like there’s no other way to explain this. I know it’s seeking for reassurance but it feels so hard to bring myself back from this to even say “maybe maybe not”. I just need some advice :(

My entire body hurts. I’m struggling to make friends,my fear of getting rejected holds me back from making friends. I’m so fucking numb I can’t stand it hardly any longer. I have type 1 diabetes that I have to control on top of having untreated ocd. I can’t find a therapist atm that specializes because I can’t fucking afford therapy. I’m pretty sure talk therapy has made ocd worse. I don’t want to live like this. it’s not even me it’s a shell and I hate my life right now.

Have any of you broken up with your s/o due to Rocd, simply for the purpose of relief and then regretted it? I love my boyfriend but sometimes I feel that I would be happier if I wasn’t in a relationship bc of i constantly doubt him and convince myself he is lying. Did any of you experience your Rocd fully go away in a relationship and then a new ocd theme started? I’m also scared that this might happen and my brain will just latch onto something else once he is out of my life.

It all started when my winter break started like 3 weeks ago or so. Me and my bf are a new couple. We started dating late november 2023. Not even three months into dating. And also it's my first relationship. Fresh into dating i had concerns but it wasn't taking much of my time and my mind. It was mostly about if he was gonna leave me and was the relationship going at a pace as it should be. I would occasionaly ask him whether we are doing it right. Like was it too fast? It felt normal in my normal and he told that's what mattered but something in my brain would tell me it should all be by a book but there is no book. We kinda got physically intimate a little too early and i couldn't tell if it would affect the relationship badly in the future . As time passed i was kinda letting go of the "should be's" in my mind. Also the feeling of high dopamine was wearing off and i realized myself becoming sad often not knowing why. I questioned whether it was relationship. He said he didn't know and if it was what can we do about it to make me feel more confident. We decided we gotta spend not everyday together but i failed at that. I wanted to be with him every second. He was kinda less affectionte. I told him about it and he tried to be more affectionate again. I thought that would fix my sadness and thay was the problem. But then i started to find other things that annoyed me as if trying to control him. But then i realized i was keep finding stuff to critize about him and that wasn't really nice of me. So we decided doing weekly relationship check ins would be healthier rather than me keep finding stuff to be sad about. Anyways we went into winter break and i started to feel distant because we weren't seeing eachother. I would feel okay when we talked on the phone. But rest of the day i would spend overthinking whether we are right for eachother. And i started to pick and more and more flaws about him. And that would make me question my feelings. I lose my mind in the course of day and feel better once we facetime or talk on the phone. But then the overthinking and anxiety got worse. It turned into a cycle of finding flaws in the relationship, hyperfixating on the flaws, questioning if it's right, feeling less feelings, questioning my feelings, urge to break up, stoping myself from the urge, remembering all his good qualities, feeling not deserving of his love, questioning if i shoulf leave him cuz he deserves someone better. And it's this same cycle for two weeks. Over and over again in the day. I talked to my cousin and had a relief because she told me she found all those things normal in the relationship. But then questioning my own feelings became a really big deal and often i struggle to feel love. I just have glimpses of love throughought the day. I keep telling the thoughts im having and sensations to my boyfriend. He keeps asking if he can do anything to help. I just never feel relief. I keep telling myself i love him then what if its not enough thoughts hit. I don't find the strength in me to show love. My boyfriend says he does feel it but i can't. I keep freaking out if this means we have to break up. I dont want to i can't stop thinking about it. When we facetimed i would feel better and go to sleep. But it didn't help today. The thoughts came back. I keep crying a lot during the day. I can't eat or sleep. My stomach is icky and heart is tight. I dont wanna feel this way. I want to feel love again. I can't tell if im lying to myself about this bejng rocd. I can't fully believe it is. I watch ROCD videos on youtube. But they arent %100 what im going through. But im scared i am falling out of love and scared to admit it so im hiding behind this mask. I told my boyfriend this exact thought yesterday. He says if you don't love me why would you be so worried. And i don't know. Why am i? Also it feels like i don't exprience relief at all. It's always with me. I pull my hair and squeeze my legs but it never leaves. I feel like my relationship is going to end and i have no control over it. I used to struggle with HOCD back in 2020 so i thought this must be ROCD but what if it isn't. What if it's real and i don't love him. I am going to see my old therapist next saturday. I am not sure if she is really informed on this type of ocd and i am scared she'll say "yep you have fallen out of love, leave him" i dont want to. I just want to feel in love again. And feel the same as him. He deserves a lot of love. And i am sat here crying if i am able to give it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, 4 in May. We have had little to no big issues, I moved in with him at his parents house full time within a couple month, he co-signed on my first car loan with me (it’s only in my name now) and we built our first home (only his name is on it) and most recently we got a puppy in October. In these 3 years we have discussed marriage a bunch, we got together on a Saturday in May, and I always have talked about getting married on that Saturday in May in 2025, exactly 5 years later. He always seemed on board with it until about 2ish weeks ago when he told me in around about way that he wasn’t quite ready. It’s been stuck in my head since. Mind you we are only 23, would be 24 when we got married if we did do it next May, I was just shook cause it came out of literally nowhere. A few days later he was being sweet and said he couldn’t wait to marry me, to which of course I responded “you literally just told me you weren’t ready.” And he said that he knows he wants to marry me, just not right then. I told him to stop saying that to me cause it hurts my feelings and makes me overthink. Fast forward to 3 days ago, I was a little drunk and called him out on it just to get more understanding cause it’s been circling my brain for too long. He told me that everything has been moving TOO FAST?? WHAT? I’m not saying there’s a right or a wrong here. If he feels that way I don’t want to push him into anything he’s not ready for or even possibly doesn’t want, but WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM!? Again, there’s no right or wrong, but when I moved into his parents house I offered to go home, I even tried to go home sometimes, he didn’t want me too. I could’ve gotten my mom to co-sign with me on my car but he offered, when I refinanced it he wanted his name to stay on the title so we could stay in the same car insurance plan. He wanted me there to pick out all the things for the house. I put him on my phone plan. WE GOT A PUPPY TOGETHER, that’s a 15 year commitment at least and now he’s thinking it’s going too fast? What the f@&k!? He has assured me he only wants to be with me, he wouldn’t wanna marry anyone else, but mentally I’m pushing away and packing my bags. I’ve always been secure in our relationship since the beginning, I didn’t even remember what it felt like to be uncertain of my future and now it’s all I can think of. Any advice!? We’re about to be going on vacation for 12 days starting Friday, I don’t wanna be sad and mopey and I’m scared of what he might say if I bring it up. 😫

I was just confronted by a personal trainer at the gym. I think he’s dating the front desk girl. Which I’ve had many conversations with her. I assumed we were on friendly terms, on Friday, she was in a particularly foul mood. I asked her if she was OK, And I tried to make a joke about racing her on the treadmills before I left for the day. The one next to her hoping to get her to laugh. It didn’t work. She stayed pissed the whole time. Anyway, tonight at the gym, I was approached by her angry personal trainer boyfriend. He was so pissed off. He seemed to be shaking. I’m 6’2”. This guys is about 6’8” and Jacked. He claimed that I was using his girlfriend’s name and making her feel uncomfortable. I explained that I was just having a friendly conversation with her and he wasn’t having it. He told me I needed to talk to her about it. I used it as ERP. I was determined to not let it keep me up tonight. I have difficulty sleeping when I can’t let things go, like this. I’m extremely extroverted and like talking to people. But, I pride myself on being kind and respectful. So this type of thing triggers the heck out of me. I made sure not to confront them until my suds levels dropped. I was definitely disappointed when she made up the part about me following her around. I’m trying to not to let ERP get out of hand. I get myself in trouble with therapy homework. Sometimes I feel stuck for days. I’m tempted to report them to management but I’m worried I’ll get kicked out of the gym for it. Im happily married with kids, I have no interest in her whatsoever. It’s disappointing when women try to get their boyfriends to fight me, it’s happened a few times. Not sure how to handle it, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Hi! I have OCD and am thinking about starting a family. I have been married for a few years (through some pretty sever ROCD) and starting a family has come up more than once. Every time our “this is when we will start” time comes around I have a HUGE spike in OCD including ROCD and OCD around having sex with my husband. I have a history of sexual assault, but that’s another story. ANYWAY…I was wondering if there are any folks on here with OCD and thinking of having children, pregnant, or went through it all with OCD. Really just looking for community and any resources that might have helped you- books etc. I am in therapy and on medication so really looking for anything supplementary. Thanks for reading!

Hi guys. This might be long, but it’s me somewhat looking for reassurance while also venting. I’m recently engaged and am suddenly feeling my ROCD come back. I was in therapy for it for a few months and eventually those intrusive thoughts about my partner went away completely and I was feeling sooooo much better. I thought I beat ROCD honestly, but I always knew it could eventually come back because that’s just how it works. We’ve talked about marriage for a while and i knew we’d get married. But when he proposed, I was thrown off guard (it was super random on a Tuesday night in our apartment and I had absolutely no clue it was happening then. Maybe if I would have had somewhat of an idea it was happening, I would have reacted better bc i had time to process it alone) but I paused and took a long time to say yes out of sheer shock and selfishly the want to have the big proposal done for me. He was very generous and gracious in my needing to process the proposal and he totally understood why I needed to take a second during all of it. But while that was going on, I didn’t feel any ROCD. it was more of the guilt of realizing I was disappointed in his proposal (I know, it was selfish. But it was also my first time being proposed to lol) and I realized after that, I didn’t care how it happened and I love him immensely regardless of how he chose to do it. And obviously I said yes :) !! Anyways, in the last two months that weve been engaged, the ROCD hasn’t come up at ALL. But recently it’s come back, and now that we are in fact, engaged, it doesn’t feel worse than it did before but the intrusive thoughts are a lot different. Because now I’m realizing the commitment is real and I’m scared that I’m gonna feel this way forever. Especially during our marriage. I’m scared that I’m going to have a panic on our wedding day. I’m scared that the feeling of wanting to run away and hide under a bush will come and I HATE the feeling of that. It’s all the “what if’s” that come with ROCD and while I’m a lot more aware of it now as I’ve been dealing with it for a while and was in therapy for it & actually getting help, it’s really hard to control the thoughts and realize it isn’t him. Because i really do think I have a fear of “boredom” and if i don’t feel sparks fly every second all the time, I feel panicky. That fear probably comes from growing up with my parents loveless marriage and them fighting all the time, and me not seeing what a loving marriage can look like 20+ years later. So that’s where I’m at right now. Thanks for reading

I need help I dont know if its hocd or i am actually of the opposite sexual orientation Its been 2 weeks now 2 weeks of non stop overthinking Of not feeling like myself Of remembering stuff that happened before Now i fear that it actually might be true because i’m not getting annoyed at the thoughts anymore and this is distressing me further I cant afford therapy and i even dont want to go fearing that it will reveal to me that i actually am of the opposite orientation Its torture Every time i’m with women now i feel anxious and uncomfortable This never happened before I dont know if i have experienced ocd before but i am really familiar with health anxiety as i am a hypochondriac I also had relationship anxiety which now that i think abt it it might be that i’m a comphet and wasnt actually attracted to my partner I need this to stop Plz help me What if i actually dont have ocd and i have been just using it as an excuse that i’m straight I literally am remembering every single time i have found a woman attractive and its making me anxious I dont want to be with women but maybe its just bc thats what we were taught

Do you ever find yourself fixating on someone you've only been on one or two dates with? It's been a month since I went out with this person and I don’t even know them, yet my thoughts keep returning to them. I've noticed my rumination is finally starting to decrease, but she remains elevated in my mind, largely due to her looks. I know for a fact it is not love. It’s mostly a state of Limerence, infatuation or just obsession. Anyone else experience this?

I've been used by "friends" 4 times in my life. Once by my childhood best friend Second by my abusive ex boyfriend Third by my first college friend Fourth by my first college hookup And now, by my roomate who was supposed to be a friend In each and every situation, these ppl used me for my body, my emotions, my presence, whatever they wanted. And it would cross too many boundaries, hurt too much of my wellbeing, and cause me to be depressed. These people did not care about me, I was used and talked bad about, hurt and manipulated, gaslighted. "Bitch, stupid, emotional, too sensitive, selfish, aggressive," because when i communicated that vulnerability of them hurting me and how it hurt me, they did it more and more. And the worst situation was when i was being sexually groomed by my first college friend And I believed the hurtful things they said to me, their explanations in treating me bad, their excuses, because I already was saying those same things to myself. I believed I was what they said I was, because I believed i was that. And each and every time it happens i wish to kill myself than exist living for other ppl. I need to beat negative self talk, low self esteem, and self hatred. Because if I don't I'll be on my last straw. I don't know if I have ocd. I don't know what I have mentally that already instilled within me so much self hate and negative self talk. But I need to heal before the wound becomes infected. And I'm tired of being in a prison of my own brain, I'm tired of the constant negative thoughts, and the little relief that I get from it. I want to beat negative self talk.

i have noticed a significant decrease in my OCD behaviors/etc. after deleting reddit, tiktok, and facebook. it may not be a cure all solution but not being triggered by social media posts in regards to cheating and really any other uncomfortable topics has made me feel a bit better. i figured if it’s helped me some it may help some others!

Anybody relate to having dreams about what they’re obsessing about, like SO-OCD. I just had a dream like that and it was so disturbing. Even in the dream, it felt like I was doing compulsion after compulsion. I’m just tired

My new theme is existential ocd and I was doing okay-ish this week until I saw a tik tok last night about death and after death communication and it sent me on a downwards spiral of needing to constantly research and google what happens when we die again and honestly just makes me feel sad in general about it all because of the uncertainty. I feel so disconnected from everyone and I feel scared to even be alone. I have to work tommorow and feel like crying. Then my relationship ocd added with the already feeling disconnected from everyone makes me scared about what if I don't love my partner or like him and it makes me even more distressed. Im so tired of feeling like this, I've had different themes since I was 7 and I'm so tired of feeling like this. I'm so sad. I had the worst mental breakdown in decemeber and I still don't think I've fully recovered. I'm on new antidepressants but I'm still sad. I feel I'll never enjoy anything because it'll always be clouded by ocd. This is honestly more of a vent post more than anything but ahh im so tired.

does anyone ever struggle with intrusive thoughts and even feelings of your spouse or SO dying suddenly? it’s been a theme for me the past few weeks and i’m not sure what’s causing it. he’s perfectly healthy and fine but it’s been so intense that i’ll just sit there and cry and cry and feel such intense grief.

Anyone ever have anxiety so intense you are on the verge of tears around people? Lately my anxiety has been so debilitating. As soon as I wake up, my ROCD thoughts are racing, until I go to sleep. Honestly, I am getting tired of fighting this anxiety, 24/7. This OCD and anxiety is taking away any pleasure or peace I used to feel. Going on day 7 tomorrow morning. This isn't a life to live at all, nobody knows I'm struggling, not even my girlfriend.

how do i know if something is false attraction or genuine attraction? is there anyway to figure this out?

Dating with OCD was hard, but having broken up with OCD is even worse. I broke up with my ex after he ditched me at a party and accused me of cheating. (I never cheated, I wouldn’t flirt with another guy or cheat whatsoever). He was a consistent liar which I also didn’t like. We were on good terms for a while until two months after we broke up. He stopped talking to me and started pretending I don’t exist. I can’t avoid him because I have to see him everyday, unfortunately. He went out of his way to tell me he’s “seeing” someone. I struggle to let go with things and he was my best friend for two-ish years before we dated for a year. To watch him stop caring about me so quickly has made me miserable. I still care about him but it’s clear he doesn’t care about me. I keep crying and checking things over and over again. It feels uncontrollable. I don’t know how to make this stop. Or how to feel better. I feel so alone and I don’t know how to get over it.

I really hate being forced to socialize with people, specifically family members who genuinely do nothing but gaslight you with their narcissistic behavior. My OCD comes with anxiety.. I never feel like I’m enough, I always have this need to prove I don’t need help because anytime I came across vulnerable, I was treated like I was a problem but I feel like I’m forced to baby feed my own MOTHER who refuses to get help with her OWN OCD. I just can’t rn. I don’t know if I’m venting or having ruminating thoughts about having to mask how I feel when I’m CONSTANTLY feeling like my feelings don’t matter to a person that thinks her feelings are the ONLY ones that are relevant. Someone please read this so I can get a better understanding of how to deal with being overstimulated by being FORCED to socialize in a FAKE environment.