- Date posted
- 1y
false attraction
how do i know if something is false attraction or genuine attraction? is there anyway to figure this out?
how do i know if something is false attraction or genuine attraction? is there anyway to figure this out?
I’m not a psychologist, but the way my psych explained it is it’s all to do with what you want, and usually what you want doesn’t give you obsessive anxiety inducing thoughts. Now that’s problematic for an ocd sufferer, as our brain goes “but what if I do want it?” “Omg does it feel like I want these thoughts?” “I must want these thoughts cos they feel so real?!” And off to the anxiety races we go. Now - what I dare say people will tell you is that you need to somehow be ok with not figuring it out. How do you do that? Stuffed if I know as I’m still trying my best to practice.
@gp exactlyyy. my therapist always tells me that but it’s sm easier said than done.
@gp but what ur psych said helped me so much. ig that’s true, im so worried about being gay and if im that worried about it its probably because im not and its js my ocd
@random26281 I hear you. I have the same thoughts and feelings. It’s like before you had these thoughts you knew who you were and like it/loved it. Now it’s gone from that to just plain anxiety/fear that this change is true. Along with all the other symptoms. It’s really really really hard. Not sure how I’ve survived so long with it.
@gp exactly , i feel so lost and i don’t feel like myself i feel like im playing a role. and for the first time in a while i like a guy and it feels so weird and fake and like im playing a role.
@random26281 Trust yourself, OCD changes our thoughts and feelings. If you like this guy then allow the thoughts to come and then just move on with your day. Thoughts and even feelings aren't facts.
But you have to live with uncertainty. There is no easy way to achieve this. I practice by reminding myself in any way that I really can't be sure of anything. Certainty is a lie. Therefore, live by your values, not your thoughts. Let your values and beliefs guide you. Live with uncertainty because in reality we can never satisfy OCD certainty as it doesn't exist.
I say if you’re not sure just asses what you like about that person sometimes its just limerence or you convincing and putting in patters from other people that arent yours. So just ask yourself what do i like about this person? Are they my type
So how would I know if it’s truly ocd or not? Like by accepting uncertainty, will I eventually realize if it was false or true attraction and if it was actually ocd or not? For example I was out today, right after my therapy appointment, I saw a kid that looked exactly like this girl my age that I was into. I felt a sense of attraction and I immediately went into the restroom to hide or smth I don’t remember, but when I came out I think I avoided looking at the kid. Idk if it was false attraction or not, I hope it was but I’m not sure. I can’t really tell. FYI I was never formally diagnosed with pocd before, but my therapist said that I have it but I still don’t believe it. I still feel like it’s not pocd because of the attraction feelings, I can’t tell if I like the feelings or not. I don’t feel any of panic, worry, distress, guilt or shame after any of those feelings. I did start crying when I got home tho idk why or what for, but I went to take a nap for a while and when I woke up it kind of became clearer if it was real or false attraction, but it’s still really unclear, I don’t get why I would feel that way towards a literal child, is it bc she looked like this girl my age that I was into? I hope it was false attraction, still can’t tell.
Has anyone else gotten into a relationship before realizing that it not only started but continued due to false attraction? So in November I got out of an admittedly toxic relationship (unfortunately on both ends) and I had been in it for a year and three months. If I'm being completely honest within the first 3 months I realized that it was false attraction, but I didn't want to out right break up with him since he was also not mentally well. So, I stupidly started self sabotaging. As I said, it ended up being completely toxic, we got into plenty of arguments that rarely got resolved. There was worse things that happened than the arguments, but that's besides the point. I started it when I shouldn't have. At most I had somewhat of an aesthetic attraction to him. He had a look that I really liked at the time (long hair 😭.) But, I honestly didn't like anything else. His personality wasn't very good, he was rude as a "joke" (it was never funny to me) also he was 11 months younger than me. I know it's not an insane gap by any means, but it's just not something that I want in a relationship. I prefer my partners to be same age to like a year older. Not to mention there was a pretty clear maturity gap. If I'm being completely honest, I saw him as a friend (sometimes barely that.) Like I said, I'm aware that it was completely on me and I was wrong for it. But, has anyone gone through something similar? Hopefully not something too toxic.
Y’all I think I’m dealing with false attraction but idk and I can’t tell. It’s bugging me. It’s one specific (female) friend of mine lately. Idk if it’s cuz she’s a lesbian and it’s playing on my soocd or smthn. I keep having groinal responses around her. I don’t see her like that but I’m worried I either am starting to or already do and am suppressing it but I have had no interest in her in the last 2 years she’s been in our group. This started somewhat recently and every time someone makes a sexual joke or smthn (like flashing or twerking) it causes a groinal response and I just kinda shut down. I don’t feel anything in the crush sense of the word. And it’s bugging me that I’m having these thoughts and I keep having thoughts of my bf and then my friend gets placed into the thought and it just makes me upset. Annoyed. I feel this tightness in my chest and it’s not good. I like seeing this friend but I don’t get excited seeing her. I wonder where she is when she’s gone but I do that with all of my friends, if one doesn’t show to our group dinners I ask. I worry I’m making too much eye contact when we talk. I keep checking if I’m feeling anything anywhere but it’s just a persistent groinal response and I’m worried it’s attraction
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