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I'm 32 and was diagnosed a few weeks ago. It's been really hard to accept how much of my life has been affected negatively by OCD and the paranoia and anxiety that comes from it. Just sad about it.

How can I beat ocd

Hello, I want to share my ocd story as I’m struggling with it severely right now. I was a very anxious child, when I was nine I started to have intrusive thoughts/fear/theme that I was somehow “pregnant”. Now this was concerning because I was nine..and a virgin CLEARLY. I hadn’t even gotten my period. The reason this scared me so much is that because i was a virgin, I was afraid if I was pregnant and the baby came, no one would believe me and everyone would hate me. When I was 13 this soon transitioned to being the same fear only this time because I had my period I was afraid that I either got gr@ped in my sleep, or somehow sp3rm was on the toilet seat and it well yk. However, none of this made any sense and I made myself sick worrying about it. My ocd would take a turn when I developed emotophobia, the intense fear of vomit and vomiting and so alot of my intrusive thoughts regarded vomit. As I got older they would switch and I was ALWAYS under some sort of stress. That’s when things got worse, I’m also diagnosed with anxiety so all the therapists were just treating me for anxiety but the main cause of this anxiety despite other things, is my ocd. I started to have “religious” ocd, as I consider myself a Christian and it’s a big part of my life, doing compulsions like “read that verse again, you messed up” ect. Which consumed a lot of my life. Here’s where things get hard to talk about, I started having what they call moral ocd? I was at least 15? And I thought my life was over, now the thing is when I was a kid I was messed with once, which gave me a lot of anxiety over the years and I didn’t end up telling anyone till I was older, I thought it was my fault. So I know that I would never, ever want somebody else to go through something so horrific. This fear eventually subsided, until this past year. When I was sixteen, my boyfriend sa’d me and I didn’t really have time to realize what had happened. We broke up right after which hurt a lot but I was relieved. Ever since then I was always very cautious about people, I knew what that felt like, so much shame, and not feeling like you can do anything about it. Eventually I started to get that moral ocd back, things like “what if I’m attracted to so and so” a family member ect. This would repulse me. I also watched a lot of true crime which didn’t help anything, this caused me to develop pocd/moral ocd. Now, I feel trapped I feel like I’m not at all what my intrusive thoughts say, I would never do them, and I want to isolate from EVERYONE. I feel like I don’t deserve to be here, I feel ashamed like God is ashamed of me and I have just cried and cried. I really need some encouragement or at least advice.

Im so depressed... and I feel alone... theres no hope... My pocd keeps saying that my worst fear of unknowingly cybering with a minor has actually happened and it's really triggering the hell out of me... I feel so horrible...My pocd keeps saying I "unknowingly erotically role played with a minor" when idek if this actually happened or not... this was nearly three years ago... (september of 2021) for context we were erotically role playing on an 18+ discord server, (she wasnt verified, but I assumed she was 18+ because we were on an 18+ place) and then she suddenly stopped responding, before leaving the server shortly after an unknown time... im so freaking anxious and scared... her grammar was fine at first, but then as we were going on, she kept making errors like "boxer" or "then" instead of "than"... my pocd keeps saying that I "UNKNOWINGLY EROTICALLY ROLEPLAYED WITH A MINOR" when idek if this happened or not... some people told me she sounds like/is a young adult... chatGPT tells me she sounded like a teenager... I genuinely dont know what to believe anymore... (these two photos are from her account, and the beginning of our ERP... I hope she wasnt a teenager... I really hope she wasnt...)

If your also feeling this or your positive and don't want to ruin the mood I would not advise reading this I just hate how I'm always the one with an issue always unhappy stressed angry etc while everyone else seems so happy I wish for once I could feel what they are feeling instead I feel like complete this everyday My OCD has caused SO MUCH problems in my life conflicts and chaos with other people I hate how they are always successful and I am always failing and recently I’ve hated people in general and I have enjoyed human suffering because nobody has ever had empathy for me or cared the slightest when I had ocd Those lucky dipshits just made everything worse thinking I was doing it for no reason when I only did it for ocd If I ever saw someone suffering and in need I would never help because I never got help I’m going to University in a year I don’t know how on fucking earth will I manage it ERP keeps failing and. My ocd is going stronger and stronger consuming me If there was a way to end it all I really would do it I don’t like my life Might as well fail in life because this ocd is never going to go away If I had a friend with ocd maybe I could have helped them or they could have helped me All I know is I need help right now My ocd is one of the most extreme cases probably on earth this Inst an overstatement just meet me and get to know me and you will find and ocd worse than other In my logic and perspective us vs them mentally makes sence And I hate to say it but until ocd has a real cure I don’t think life is worth living

I just saw this notification pop up on my phone, that I was awarded the “OCD Conqueror” badge around 6 months ago. I just wanted to share some advice and support to anyone who is currently struggling, feeling lost, or even feeling better! OCD is honestly a very serious mental disorder. It is known as the “Doubting Disorder”, which I am sure many of you know. It can make you doubt your own character, value, intentions, beliefs, morals and so so much more. I am someone who has lived with OCD for around 10 years now, and honestly, the best advice I could give you guys is to see a therapist specialised in ERP. I was someone who was constantly doing compulsions, avoiding my triggers, trying to neutralise my unwanted negative thoughts. I always believed that these thoughts must have meant something about me. I always believed that I would never be able to live a normal life. I always believed that I would never get better. I have experienced every single sub-type under the sun, whether it has been False Memory OCD or Harm-OCD or whatever it may be, I have pretty much been through it all. I know how difficult it is, and honestly, I know how easy it is to get consumed into your themes. Here’s a little secret: the theme and content is actually IRRELEVANT. (OCD targets the things you love in life, it targets your values, your beliefs, your intentions, and your fears. So the theme and content is IRRELEVANT, because what really is the problem, is our reaction to these thoughts and feelings!) Everyone in the world has unwanted intrusive thoughts, whether they have OCD or not. The difference for those of us with OCD is that we have a much higher intolerance of being able to handle and accept doubt and uncertainty in our life. We have all probably been in this position here: “OMG, why does my brain keep coming up with these thoughts. I hate them. It must mean something terrible about me if it keeps popping up. I need to try and stop them”. At the end of the day, a thought is just a thought. Nothing else. It is literally a stream of words in your mind. Thoughts are not facts. Thoughts are not predictions. Thoughts are not indicators of anything. Thoughts have no influence on real world events. The best advice I can give you guys is this: Fighting with your thoughts and feelings gets you nowhere. Performing compulsions to reduce anxiety and distress gets you nowhere. Avoiding things that you feel will trigger you gets you nowhere. Mentally going over past events or scenarios to try and “figure” something out gets you nowhere. Honestly, coming from someone who has tried all of the above for multiple years, I can confirm that they feel like they are helping you, but truly, they are just making this worse. I got better when I figured out the goal is to just be able to co-exist with the likes of unwanted intrusive thoughts and anxiety. The goal is NOT to banish them. Once you learn that acceptance is the way forward, you will start to realise that your thoughts and feelings and urges or whatever it may be, are not actually dangerous at all. They may make you feel scared, anxious, on edge, and this is okay! Feelings are just feelings, again, they do not mean anything! Just allow everything to be there. At first, this does not feel natural at all. Most likely because your brains have adapted to the “OCD Way Of Life”, such as performing compulsions to banish the feelings of distress and anxiety. But over time, and with support from the community and your therapist, you will be so so glad you made this step and you will start to live your life under your own terms! You all got this! 😎🫶🏾

Hello all. I (20 y/o female) have an intrusive thought that popped up about four months ago and has not been able to leave my head ever since and it is ruining my life. I have a memory (?) of when I was about 7-9 years old (although I really have no idea and my brain has told me varying ages even going up a few years) when I was in the shower and turned around to see my dad popping his head in the curtain to (realistically) either check on me or try to scare me as a prank. He is the most wonderful father and has never done anything inappropriate aside from this “incident” but my brain cannot let this go and is trying to convince me that this was sexual. I have always been a “daddy’s girl” but some days I cannot even speak to him on the phone because this fear that I was somehow abused is so deep in my brain. I’ll have days where I can reasonably tell myself that even if this did happen, he did not see it as inappropriate because I am his little girl, but other days it will disgust me to no end. I’ve brought it up with him once when my thoughts were at their worst but he said he didn’t even remember it happening. My brain will randomly go “hey, think about this–you’re a victim” through out the day and it’s like my whole body will shut down, my face gets hot and my heart starts beating faster and I just feel like all of the joy has physically been sucked out of my body. It often leaves me in a depressive episode. I can’t even fathom going to therapy out of the fear of my therapist telling me that this really was concerning behavior on behalf of my dad and I don’t think I could handle that. A little while back I posted this on a subreddit and someone in the comments said “this doesn’t give me a good feeling…. But it could have been innocent if you say so” and I haven’t been able to forget this. It send me into a total tailspin, if someone from an outside perspective says it’s weird then it must be??? Ever since this thought has popped up I can’t act normally. I sometimes can’t even watch movies that have dads in them because it makes me think of it, any time I hear a sex joke my skin crawls and god forbid anyone make a “sweet home Alabama” joke around me. I’ve never seen anything online about people who have experienced this too which just makes my worry so much worse. I’ve experienced OCD symptoms since early childhood however never anything like this which makes me even more scared that it is real. I truly don’t know what to do with myself anymore, every day just feels like the precious minutes I have between the times this thought pops up.

Does anyone think we are Selfish for worrying so much about our problems. Or is this jus my ocd?

How do you know the difference between OCD thoughts and Intellectual conflicts that anybody could go through? especially if you're someone who loves philosophy and morality delimmas? and also as a young adult who experience a quarter life crisis and/or identity crisis and struggle with changing and growing up, How do you know if what hitting you OCD or something of those?

before you read please don’t if you’re not in a good headspace or struggle with ocd doubt!! does anyone else get like this with repetitive things in your head. like i have a confession compulsion and randomly literally all the fucking time i remember random stuff that i feel like guilty for then get the urge to confess then have to stop and wait for it to pass bc it will but then i feel so guilty and like a liar and a bad person for not confessing then i literally go bat shit crazy like hello. idk what’s real or what to feel bad for idk who i am or what im doing or like if im a bad person who’s acting like im not or if im not and im obsessing over random things, and even if they aren’t random and maybe something i wouldn’t do again should i confess to every thing ever, btw when i say this i dont mean things like i entertained someone else or anything.

When my intrusive thoughts get bad and I try my hardest to push them out it feels like I’m physically straining my head, like it legitimately hurts really bad and I feel like I get dizzy and can’t think and I can’t stop focusing and then my ocd causes me to think that there’s something wrong with my brain and that I need surgery or to be lobotomized or something crazy like that, does this happen to anyone else?

i had intrusive thoughts about suicide and wonder why i am like this when i truly dont want it i have fear of death etc suicide health anything i see about suicide or someone harming themselves. it triggers and i reflect it on my self at first it was images and urges now it commands and now it making me second guess if its really ocd i did recently get diagnosed with ocd and im in the process of starting CBT ERP and im scared that its gunna make it worse and i see my ocd it’s affecting my rlsp with my partner i took a break from work i dont go outside much now or do the things i enjoy bc im scared of having a panic attack and i look at everyone enjoying life and laughing and im stuck in my head about things i dont wanna think about ive been on this app for a while and it does help but i find myself excessively looking at people stories and comparing if its what im going through i would spend hours an hours on google comparing suicidal ideation and ocd and if i read something my mind starts getting stuck on that making me feel like thats what i have several times i felt i needed to go to hospital but ik im not suicidal and i dont want them to treat me crazy and now it sounds like i want reassurance lol but i guess i want some advice to get myself out of the thought loop so ican be more present ive tried meditation ive tried grounding techniques maybe im not being paitent with myself i have had obessions in the past and i was good for about 10 yrs and noticed these thoughts back in 2022 but was able to brush em off and at the time i was stressed about looking for a job then my dad passed away in nov andi got real bad urges especially if i had dreams about him but inwoukd be about to get myself together an was confused on what this was and then i watched a tv show and someone hurt them selves and i opened up to my partner about what ive been feeling and then i saw someone brother on facebook commit suicide and its been a crazy spiral from there. i guess my episodes have always been something about ive seen or heard or fears.

So yesterday at night I was okay I just had a mini headache and I was stressing all morning and worrying due to other reasons plus I’m on my menstrual cycle I don’t know if that helps any better. I was watching some videos and I started thinking about what’s my purpose here in life like why do we live if we are gonna die and what is my purpose and I don’t wanna die so I turned around to my safe space my husband he was sleeping already and I hugged him to feel better and all of the sudden it felt like I provoked it or like I made myself think it to harm him and I started freaking out because I was like what no I don’t wanna do that do I actually that’s the love of my life he’s my safe space I love him what would be my life without him and I started getting really bad BUT BAD urges to do it and like my mind was running like to 1,000x I started crying I was having a mini silent panic attack I wanted to stand up and run or do something to get out of my head I wanted to wake him up to reassure me I just felt like I was really gonna snap and like I was gonna stand up and do something like I felt it in my heart and I pressed the SOS button and after I was still kind of freaking because I was like well if I do it everyone is gonna hate me im gonna go to jail and I started freaking out because I felt like I couldn’t control myself cause the urges felt so real and writing it right now I feel it again and I’m really scared I go to a physc because I can’t control myself which yesterday I managed to do on my own but I feels so horrible to think that and I feel like a truly horrible person because they’re thoughts but the actions could be so real and I can’t I was doing a lot better :( I really was I don’t know what happened I want this all to go away and like I try to tell myself it isn’t real why would I act on them and I don’t know if my ocd gets mad and like tries to tell me they are and that I could do them and I really don’t want to I don’t want to do them that’s the truth.

For some reason. The thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore, wondering if I’m attracted to something doesn’t worry me anymore, I don’t even feel attracted to anything anymore, I always feel a sense of doom whenever I see a picture of a kid, don’t ever try to purposely find any of it attractive, but now my brain make me feel like I don’t care anymore, like I accepted the fact I’m a bad person, that I like these things, and would be into these things, but I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be these things. But why does it feel like I don’t care anymore? Why does it feel like I don’t care that I’ll turn into this person? Like I don’t have an anxiety anymore I asked myself if I found these things. I actually attractive, responded with yes and it felt like a yes, and it doesn’t give me an anxiety anymore??? Like it makes me feel like I accepted it and that I am a bad person, but I don’t wanna be a bad person??? Like it accepted the fact that I’m going to be attracted these things, I’m not attracted to these things??? it’s so complicated. I don’t understand. Why does it feel like I don’t care anymore? I feel like the only person who cares in my body right now? Like I’m not worried I’ll be a bad person anymore inside I’m not, but outside I do care to be a bad person??? I’m so scared. This means I’m gonna turn into a bad person. I know I’m not, and I will never be one. But why Is this happening? Is it a positive reason? negative reason? It just makes me feel like I wouldn’t mind him to be a bad person. But I would, but I just isn’t making me feel that way??? I can’t tell what it means anymore? I don’t wanna be a bad person. I don’t want to be. But every time I get a picture it’s just like I don’t know what to think anymore. Please help me.

For two years, I didn't have ocd symptoms and I was practicing mindfulness, no avoidance and occasional exposures on my own related to the theme and my intrusive thoughts and feelings got way lesser and I didn't have the symptoms for two years and I was doing compulsions related to meta ocd now and then, now my ocd is back again and I'm doubting the recovery process, if I can recover and fear of ocd taking over my life. So now my ocd wants to compulsively check if I'm getting better, if I'm doing the recovery right, if recovery is possible and if I even recovered from real event theme as I was only feeling better and ther was no doing better and it was just time when my ocd was gone. But if you ask me, I would say I can live with my real event theme thoughts and I don't have any triggers regarding it. I know this is my ocd speaking, but did I actually recover from my real event theme ocd or not?

So I’m new to this platform and my ocd is getting extremely bad and out of control to the point where I can’t stop my mind and I just go to sleep crying night after night. I can’t get help because it’s super embarrassing to admit and my mom wouldn’t believe me and what if the doctors don’t believe me? What if nobody believes me and they think I’m stupid or crazy? How do I tell them I need help? I’m 14 years old and I’m scared and I don’t know what to do, I’m on this platform because I feel like somebody on here might know something and I urge you to please help a girl out

I have had soocd for 5 years and it impacts me all day everyday every minute. I’ve read that some people only have it 1-2 times a month or for like two seconds a day and it scares me that I don’t have ocd. Because mine is legit constant and so scary

Why is my brain telling me that I wouldn’t mind being a p, that I could live with it and be fine with it, and I am really a p because my situation is too unique…. I didn’t agree with it but I allowed myself to think about this, and it just made me feel like I did agree to it. I’m worried that I’m lying to myself, I really don’t want to turn to into this person, my WHOLE LIFE i was attracted to older people and never ever felt this way until now (false attraction) it makes me so convinced and it puts me in a dark space. It’s hard to think right now.

So I’ll be watching callout videos and I’ll get these sorta intrusive thoughts and feelings as if I’m defending or sorta wishing the allegations weren’t real… why? I don’t know…. Is this an effect of ocd? I don’t actually agree with a single action these losers do and like this has to be a new intrusion cause before my reaction was pure hatred and frustration… Honestly I’m extremely uncomfortable with the way my brain views these callouts…. I don’t agree with my brain but it feels like my own thoughts….

+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been trying not to post as much on here, but it’s been a rough time facing these thoughts on my own. I’ve been trying to force myself to move on and not take my thoughts so seriously but it’s hard not to sit with them. Basically, to try to cope, I’ve been watching expose videos on internet drama and those who have been “cancelled”. Sometimes, though, it can just get to be too overwhelming as I start comparing myself with the people in these videos and I just want to cry because I’m just so disgusted with myself. I’m starting to question what’s real or not, if I’ve hurt people in the past or not, and separating my thoughts from my actions. I don’t trust myself anymore. I can’t find happiness in anything. I just keep pushing my friends and family away because every little thing triggers me. Sleep is the only time that I can find peace. Because then, I know that I’m not hurting anyone—including myself.