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I won’t share exactly what my intrusive thoughts/themes are (or at least all of them) but I genuinely feel like I might be traumatised by how horrible some of them were. How do I get over this potential trauma?

Does anyone else with OCD experience extreme guilt? How do you manage?

I genuinely have like horrible horrible thoughts that disgust me, and I need help because I know they aren’t normal, and I never would ever act on them. My parents are more then willing to put me in therapy but I’m scared to bring it up because what if they ask details, I’m also worried about talking to a therapist about it because these thoughts alone are just so shitty, I don’t want to go to like a ward or something like that. It’s genuinely concerning me because they won’t go away, and they just are there. It makes me feel disgusted and I hate it.

Hey so I’m currently in high school and I graduate soon, but I’ve been struggling with symptoms of OCD maybe since early high school or my late middle school years. They’ve definitely gotten worse in my early high school years and I’ve caught onto them and talked to a family member about it, they said I could possibly have OCD. I pondered on it for a while and talked to my parents. They both laughed about it with each other and my father claimed my “mother had it and not me because I don’t do what she does” because she always needs things straight and in order. Ever since then I never bothered again to open up about it and kept it to myself. I’ve told a couple people since then and I got responses that didn’t do much for me, I’ve gotten “oh yeah you definitely have it I got some people around me that also do these things-“ and so on, or “oh maybe you have ADHD or-“ and then after that I didn’t say anything altogether. I don’t know what to do about diagnosis which is the main reason I got this app. I just hope there’s some more people like me out there that are struggling and can’t do much about it. No one around me gets it like I do and it’s so frustrating. It’s definitely not as bad as what I’ve seen from other people but it definitely eats at me everyday and can mess up my relationships and make me overthink my life and the environments around me. It holds me back from so many things and it’s stressful. I just need to know what I can do to stop it. Sorry for this depressing rant, I hope some of you can relate.

Hi to anyone reading this. I haven’t ever posted on here nor have I really spoken about my experiences with OCD so hopefully this will all make sense. I began developing obsessive compulsive tendencies in my last year of college, and it really started to get serious when I graduated and moved back home. I was okay for a couple of months until my symptoms started to get really serious. I was in denial and believed that I was just being ridiculous and needed to get over myself, so I never thought to ask for help. I didn’t have many friendships to begin with (most fizzled out since we all moved to different areas after college) and the one friend I did have didn’t treat me very well and would tease me about some of my symptoms, so eventually that ended as well. I looked for a job for a while but never found anything, so I didn’t get out much. I spiraled into a dark episode of ocd and depression for about two years. I never left the house unless it was necessary and became a shell of a person. I was so exhausted from just existing on a daily basis, I couldn’t fathom how anyone did more than that. I eventually realized I couldn’t get better by myself so I sought out a therapist in 2023. In January of 2024, I finally felt comfortable enough to begin taking medication which has dramatically improved my state of mind. Though I still experience some symptoms, I don’t feel suffocated by my own brain anymore- I can finally breathe. Now I’m at this point where I need and want to get back to my life again. But since I was stuck in that episode for so long, I don’t really know how. Most people my age (23) have friends and jobs, some have even started families already. I don’t know how to catch up to my peers again. I don’t know how to make friends and go out or what to do to establish a career. I feel so lost. A part of me thinks that it’s too late but I know that’s not really true. I just can’t believe how much I’ve missed, it feels like having ocd took years of my life that I was supposed to be having fun and learning and growing. I don’t know how to start living instead of just being alive. I feel like I’m starting over from scratch. Has anyone felt this way/ is going through this too? Does anyone have advice?

I was hit with a particularly disturbing thought loop this morning. I am already feeling the intense urge to compulse. I am trying to work through it, but I just wanted to come on here and empathize with everyone. This stuff is seriously hell on earth and it makes me want to cry :’(

nsfw I have a really big masturb-tion compulsion and it’s becoming a habit… and it’s starting to feel like automatic. I get the thought, or groinal response, or I hear a noise, and boom I have to masturb-te… it’s really annoying and it makes me feel so gross. i sit there for such a long time in my head trying to finish this compulsion and it’s like before it happens i feel a sense of dread like not again…here we go…it happens multiple times a day or sometimes it doesn’t happen for a while then something triggers it. it feels like I like the thoughts in the moment, then when the compulsion is done i feel gross and sad and want to disappear. I hate living like this. Does anyone have any info on this or goes through this? I feel alone

Hi, does anybody here relate to waking up every day wondering what "to do in life". I am a woman who have worked for 20 years in the same field with hidden and untreated OCD which I thought I was "handling". I didn't know what it was and was convinced that my life would be destroyed if I said the truth about the daily thoughts I was bombarded with and my paralyzed avoidance. So I just kept going until it all collapsed by it self and I was diagnosed with OCD 18 months ago. Now as I am slowly understanding more and more I suddenly realized that every day I doubt my work and if it's the right thing to do. I still have some deals where I am supposed to deliver, and despite this it feels like my professional life is like a joke, I am a joke, so I ruminate at about what to do thought-out the day and then again the day after not doing what I am suppose to do to my work. I never thought about this as part of my OCD but it suddenly occurs to me that it very well may be. Very greatful for response. Wish you a wonderful day with good recovery.

I know this is sorta reassurance but idc rn I never post in here anymore so pls someone can you comment without judgment. I feel like ocd always puts intrusive images of like sexual things of people I’ve seen in the past, and in my head things seem so vivid and real but I’m sure it’s just ocd bringing up a farmiliar image but it wouldn’t be properly detailed or anything or be exactly what I’ve seen before I think it’s just ocd trying to trick me? Can someone please just give me a tiny bit of reassurance that I wouldn’t be able to remember clearly and detailed these things I’ve seen in the past… sometimes I struggle to even picture anything properly, so how could I actually be remembering proper details? It still doesn’t mean I’m turned on by these images regardless of if it was a clear image or not, because these thoughts make me feel gross… but like if I’m trying to picture my partner and the image maybe isn’t perfect does that mean it’s still him because my intention is to think of him and I and I feel like it’s hard for me to visualise things of him in proper detail nomatter how hard I try, he tries to tell me not to worry and he doesn’t care how I imagine him as long as I’m thinking of him

Hello everyone, this is my first post. I just wanted to write about how I am currently feeling, because I am having a hard time. Maybe someone has the same problem. I feel like, my OCD is the worst while working. I control everything many times and am always afraid to make the wrong decisions . Even after work I think a lot about work and very often get very bad anxiety. I am very insecure and need to know everything for sure before making a decision at work. I don’t even have a job, where something catastrophic could happen if I make the wrong decision, but it always feels like it. I already called in sick last week and during that time, I felt so much better. But I can’t call in sick every week. Does anyone feel the same and how do you manage this situation?

Starting earlier this year - in January I had become very ill. After a few days of being bed ridden I began to have horrible nightmares and terrible thoughts. One of the thoughts stuck with me. It was like I had just unlocked a memory of hurting someone very close to me 3-4 years ago. It was different from most others as this one made me feel pain, regret and remorse as if I had just experienced that event for the first time - yet years later. I reached out to the person in my “memory” and loosely described what I was going through and asked them to try and recall the night in question. At least the night I can most closely identify these thoughts with. They told me what I had thought I had done never occurred. I thanked them for being courteous and helpful to me during that time. The following few weeks left me defeated. I felt like I was arguing my innocence to myself with one voice agreeing that I’ve gone crazy and the other saying I know what I did. I tried to work though it but it destabilized me as a person. I quit my job and moved back in with family. Since then I have learned to control the fear of whether or not this memory was something I truly did experience or if it’s a byproduct of repressed emotions I never took care of from my youth yet still today. Nearly 8 months later I still don’t have the confidence to say I didn’t do it. I’ve stopped trying to fight for my life as I feel if these events truly did occur and the other person suddenly “remembers” the best thing I can do is be prepared to take the necessary steps so that the ‘victim’s’ pain I caused may be lessened and they can receive the justice necessary. I know this may be a one of a kind post, but I’m asking to you read this with an open and curious mind. I am open to questions engaging with my experience that may help me sort this out so I know what steps I should focus on taking next in my life. Please and thank you for your time.

i have a friend whos 17 and i'm 20 and im so afraid im going to develop a crush on them and it will be immoral because they're still legally a minor and i'm afraid that when i talk to them im slowly grooming them just because im being nice to them and i'm their friend. im scared i have a crush on them this whole time i cant tell, deep down i know i dont but the fear is so strong. im afraid they can tell im being weird or that i feel afraid of this and they're put off by me. i think i just need reassurance im not weird or grooming them. we just talk about the beatles and that's it, thats our main thing in common, obviously nothing sexual or romantic or weird. but still, i could be. i hate this

One night I started obsessing over how my dad could develop cancer I was watching a movie on Netflix and I kept having to pause the movie to blink and quickly pray to God that he wouldn't so I wouldn't be choosing the movie 'over' my dad. But one time I didn't and I just carried on playing it and then I felt this huge sinking feeling which made me feel like I caused something terrible to happen so I banned myself from Netflix for a year 😭😭and also started banning a ton of other 'materialistic' stuff like chocolate and music because I read in the Bhagavad-Gita that 'life is a balance of pain and pleasure' so I thought that by reducing pleasure I could prevent the pain I could feel from my dad 😭which makes no sense at all Anyway I got over this eventually but today I was watching Netflix again and then I started thinking about how I should probably put it away and go to bed (after I pray for my dad first) but I started thinking about how I don't want to put it away and I think mentally I chose it 'over' my dad- EVEN THOUGH I WOULD NEVER. And then it was like all my OCD faded and I was allowed to pray for other stuff too, etc But then I realised that this could be because Id chosen something above my dad and now he will one day down the line get cancer. I couldn't bear this so I started praying again before bed that I don't choose anything beyond my dad, and that him not getting cancer comes first, etc. Then I got into bed and I keep feeling the urge to get up again and show God I've chosen him and that I don't choose anything instead, and I keep feeling the urge to like tap the floor twice to solidify this but I promised to god that I can't 😭😭 I am so sorry that this is such a long post. Any advice at all would be welcome :(

Right now I'm having trouble with something I did years ago. When I was in my early 20s, I accidentally talked about an interest I wholeheartedly refused to believe wasn't nsfw on my blog where minors followed me. These minors would sometimes like my posts and leave comments and I think one even made a blog regarding this interest. I never reached out or messaged any of them. I've never wanted to harm anyone and I'm asexual/aromantic so I've never thought of anyone in a sexual way, especially not kids. I've had really bad religious guilt around sex in general, so that doesn't help at all either. Eventually I accepted that the interest wasn't completely sfw (I didn't think of it as sexual, but my body does for some reason), so I made a new account and deleted the old one and blocked the minors. I forgot about it for a few years, but one of my favorite YouTubers just got cancelled for being a pedo and now these memories are all coming back. I feel disgusting and like I'm a groomer. I can't stop thinking about how one day someone will come forward and accuse me of being inappropriate or grooming them. I can't stop thinking about how young the minor who made a blog dedicated to the interest was and how I maybe ruined her life forever. I'm currently doing therapy through NOCD and my therapistis great, but I just got triggered so I'm having a hard time right now. I feel sick at the mention of kids, I feel sick around my friends who would maybe hate me if they knew this, I feel sick because this feels like something I'm going to have to carry on my conscious for my whole life. I know I can't ask for reassurance, but I'm just so tired :(

i've been forcing myself to have very graphic intrusive thoughts to make sure i don't react and i feel so scared. also i'm scared if i ever acted on a thought like for example if i'm w a baby what if my mind was like "give the baby a kiss to make sure you don't feel anything" what if i did. wouldn't that be assault? i cannot remmeber for the life of me

I can't keep living like this any longer. It's been 4 years. I wasn't like this prior to getting OCD. I was happier and I wasn't overly worried about my thoughts and the things I did in the past. I worry about everything every single day. It really infuriates me and it also makes me really sad. How do I just not only explain this to my parents and that I'm also considering medication?

Sensitive topics (again) 18+ ——————————— I’ve been posting a lot lately and what’s been on my mind. I guess this fear started as something that was less reprehensible, as a kid I used to say a lot of offensive stuff, etc, I was scared I’d get exposed or that those messages would somehow resurface and ruin my career later down the line. I eventually got over that fear, well kind of, except it’s taken a different form. For as long as I’ve been online, I don’t recall ever initiating anything sexual myself, only like once or twice and that was when I was about 13 or 12 but it was with someone my own age. I’ve mentioned before I frequented sites like Omegle a lot and I’d encounter people my age or older adults, since it’s been taken down I no longer use it the same can be said with other websites that are still up. I do remember that sometimes there were kids on there, I remember being annoyed at times and I did lecture them about it before skipping them. My biggest fear now is that someday I’ll be exposed for grooming someone, but I genuinely can’t recall a time I’ve ever done that to anybody online. There was a time when I was younger where I felt extremely awkward even talking dirty or doing anything of the sort, I only started doing that sort of stuff when I was 14 years old, and that was with someone that was about the same age as me. I cringed and didn’t know what to do at times. I even remember being proud that I had never done such a thing to anybody younger than me, I can’t remember anyone and if you asked me to name someone I couldn’t possibly do so, because they (probably) don’t exist. Whenever I lie down and try to remember and sift through my memories I don’t find anything. Yesterday I remembered I spoke to someone on a different site called y99 but it was a friendly conversation. I was 18 then, I still am, just recently turnt. I think he was my age or older? I can’t remember, but my mind’s telling me he was younger? I think he was between 17 or 22 I genuinely can’t remember. At the time I was hesitant showing people my art but since this was a regular conversation I thought it’d be fine. At the time I remember I was worrying about whether or not any nudes I had taken and sent to people might be floating around on the internet without me knowing, so I was cautious and thought “what if somebody recognizes my art if I am successful and they remember that?” My brain’s turning this into something else and telling me that I was really only worried about people finding out I was a sexual predator. I was genuinely worried at that time about pictures of me nude being traced back to my art somehow, but now I’m not so sure about how I felt. I can’t remember if I’ve done something wrong and my mind keeps going back to times I spoke to people two years younger than me, I’m scared I’ve ruined my life already without knowing it. There was a YouTuber a couple of years ago who was called a “groomer” just because he spoke to someone a year or two years younger than him. I just want some certainty, I don’t want to keep attaching different meanings to normal conversations or otherwise. I have no energy to do anything and no motivation to keep moving forward, I think I’m some sort of monster and thinking back to things I did as a child haven’t helped my case. I attempted a couple of days ago but got scared the moment I let go. I was excited to graduate weeks ago, I finally did it, but I couldn’t even enjoy that fully. I don’t know, I think my life is a waste at this point and me getting this far was for nothing, I’ll inevitably get exposed for something I forgot I did and my life will be ruined. I feel selfish for even thinking about myself and only about my life, what about that person’s life that I messed up? I don’t know what’s real anymore, I’m incredibly tired and I just want some closure that I will never get. People tell you to try and deal with the uncertainty but I can’t. I can’t be at peace and I can’t just enjoy life and sit around when I’ve potentially done something wrong. I can’t enjoy life, I can’t fool myself into this false sense of security

Does anyone ever experience this weird thing where ocd makes you feel like “you would have had no control and done this”. Like everything you feel and believe would have gone flying out the window and you would have done something you know you don’t want. Especially when a POTENTIALLY real situation could be happening and it’s not just the thoughts alone. Your brain is like oh this is real life you really would have done this or that. Driving me crazy.

I made a very reckless decision. Last year I went to the movies when my dad tested positive for Covid and I did not even test before I went. Not maliciously at all, I just didn’t even think to since I didn’t feel sick. But I got sick a few days after. I wasn’t gonna go to the movies but my brother wouldn’t stop asking me and I caved in and went, since I wasn’t going to be face to face with anyone and I felt it was low risk. No one sat next to us. I wore a mask of course. But obviously there were still risks. People could have gotten it from touching the door handle that I touched and then touching their face when eating popcorn. Can’t believe I didn’t think of this. I cannot even live with myself. Usually I’m careful when it comes to Covid but not this time. Yes people make mistakes but nobody has made a Covid mistake as bad as this one! I don’t deserve to live.

My brain keeps obsessing over the idea that my mum could develop cancer. My brain keeps saying things like 'move your head twice' or 'tap the floor twice' and it has to feel RIGHT to make sure that she won't. But also all of my compulsions are basically praying until it feels right so when I move my head it's in the direction of the picture of God I have in my house for example, and it feels right. But when I do ERP and delay my compulsions they don't go away, they just come back stronger later in the day like a reminder that I really do have to do this. And if I refuse it's like I'm wasting the opportunity and giving this up, so I'm telling god that I'd be fine with her getting cancer and then she really will. I don't know what to do about this :(