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Can not sleep because my brain won’t switch off Can never get to sleep anymore because of overthinking too much It’s 3:31 and feel like tomorrow is ruined because I’m going to be tired and when I’m tired my ocd is 10xworse and my mood

Can someone please tell me I’m not alone? Can you share your experience with getting intrusive S3xual thoughts please Because I feel like it’s not talked about and it’s something I really struggle with and I’m scared I’m the only one getting these disturbing and fucked up thoughts and scared I want them and that it’s actually me and not my ocd For example : I feel like I’m constantly constantly getting S3xualised thoughts of people I’m related to especially when I’m trying to have S3xual time

My brain won’t shut off, when I’m finally feeling better it’ll shove something else in there to make me overthink. When me and my ex broke up we said we’d be friendly, a few days later I was in the pub being told by everyone that he was sleeping with the girl he told me was just a friend. Her ex was also in the pub and it was horrible. I was hurt, upset, angry, I was everything. Being told only a few days after you guys cut contact and have your final goodbye after 3 weeks of trying to do so that he’s sleeping with someone else like it’s not nice. So of course I felt heartbroken and honestly like there was no care for me. As time goes on I have people telling me that yk he lead me on and that I deserve better, that it was disrespectful of both of them to do so and even though the way they went about it yes wasn’t great (her ex had it worse than me by far but that’s another story) he was single and could do what he wants. I’ve said things when it first happened of course I did, but now there’s no hard feelings and I still see him as a dear friend. He unfollowed me on insta today, I unfollowed him on Snapchat it was too hard to see his name, so we’re both trying to move on. But in my head it feels more like he’s saying he hates me and I feel an uncontrollable amour of guilt because he didn’t do anything insanely wrong, like yes he broke up with me because he “couldn’t be with anyone right now” but my hurt is understandable but he’s moving on so like there’s nothing wrong. I can’t seem to be mean, I can’t seem to trust my own emotions and I can’t seem to just do things for myself without feeling insane guilt. If someone hurts me? Nope I can’t be mean they’ve done nothing wrong. If someone does something I don’t like? Nope it’s fine they’re living their life. If I’m upset with something because it makes me just hurt a lil bit? Nope sorry you’re not allowed to feel that. So we ended, he slept with someone else, I was hurt because it was all still fresh, I was angry and now I feel guilty. If I see him in town like yeah I’ll say hi and get on with it, that should be okay right? Do I have to apologise to him? Do I have to make sure we’re okay? I feel like I do!!!!

Hi all! I am trying to practice self compassion with myself as i suffer from ocd, ptsd and bpd and due to years of sa abuse and so on I have a very very negative self image of myself. Anyways, I realized I was avoiding talking to my nicely (compulsively if you will) and being actively proud of myself as it triggers a mean ocd thought about myself. E.g.: ‚i did really well today on xyz‘ —> immediately my ocd says ‚sure but you are dirty and should feel guilty because you had sexual thoughts and enjoyed them about xyz‘. I think you get the point… Do some of you experience the same ? How do you deal with it ? The same way as with other intrusive thoughts ? Let it pass and restrict compulsiions ? Thank you!!!

Hi everyone. I'm feeling scared and overwhelmed by my intrusive thoughts. It's so tough to try distracting my mind and overcome my thoughts because I'm isolated at home all day. I have no daily schedule, no car or job. So I spend a lot of time alone, which doesn't help my OCD at all. Does anyone else feel lonely or distressed by their scary thoughts? I'm trying to go to sleep but I can't seem to relax

Hi everyone I am knew to NOCD! I wanted to be surrounded my people who understand how debilitating OCD is and the feelings it gives you. My story is an adventure. I was diagnosed in 2 grade with what the doctors thought was trets and year later we discovered it was OCD. Been in every medication under the sun and nothing help. I did physically compulsions like pulling on my back, pushing on my eye, anything that would cause tension to my body to relief the feeling. I have had lots of permanent damage to my body because of this. I struggled and struggled. It got to a point where my OCD made me look like I was having a seizure (I was not) My parents and I had no to ERP and CBT existed untill things got really bad in my 10th grade of school. My OCD, anxiety, and depression was the worse it has been. We made the decision to go to Roger’s behavior center in Wisconsin. They wanted to send me to inpatient but we were able to convince them to let me attempt outpatient. I didn’t believe in ERP Or CBT and refused to do any of my exposures. One day something clicked and I gave it a try and it worked. AMAZED. I worked really hard, I was there for 3 long months but it was all worth it. They also helped me find the right medications that work with my body as well has getting me off of Klonopin. It’s been 3 years since then and I’m proud to say I’m still doing good and have not relapsed. It’s a struggle everyday but I remember all the things they taught me at Rogers. Once I left Roger’s I wanted to know more about OCD. And that’s when I learned about relationship OCD, NOCD, “pure”OCD, somatic OCD and all the other subtypes. When I found out about them realized that the thoughts I have are not really me that they are my OCD. My somatic, magical thinking and real events OCD Has been worse lately. I am open to suggestions or a questions! Keep fighting everybody🩵

I'm tagging this with a trigger warning because I am going to describe an example conversation that triggered my own excessive thinking and describe that excessive thinking in this post, so please proceed with caution!! Does anyone else struggle with hyperfixating and ruminating over what i'm- for lack of better words at the moment- calling The Unsaid in some conversations?? Like, when i'm talking with a friend or acquaintence if a thought or comment I've made goes without a response (or reassurance or validation) from the other person, I find myself filling in the blanks with things like "they didnt respond/they changed their tone so they must be thinking something awful!" And picking that interaction apart and as a result destabilizing my sense of trust in the relationship. Example below (please heed trigger warning) ________________________________________ For example, a friend of mine and I have been studying for our driving TIPs together and they told me they were proud of me for the progress i've made (we've both been nervous about it for years). This friend has expressed having trouble concentrating in groups so it's only really been the two of us, though we still get a bit distracted talking about the songs we pick to play for our study time. I responded to them by telling them i was also proud of them, was grateful that we've been able to do this together, and expressed hope that my being there was helpful and productive for them despite the distractions. They responded with saying that that was sweet of me to say, but nothing else. There is nothing wrong with what they said and they give me no reason to believe they feel badly about studying together otherwise, but this response still makes me anxious and start to overthink because the two phrases that didnt go addressed also correlate with how they feel about me in this situation: if they've enjoyed our time together, if i've been helpful to them. This is where the Unsaid starts to slip through the cracks. It says, 'they didn't choose to respond to those things but surely they must feel some way as well? What could they feel that they cant/dont want to tell me?' which then become thoughts like 'If they dont like studying with me do they like spending ANY time with me?' 'Am i pushing/compelling them into studying with me when they dont actually want to?' 'Am i holding them back from doing their best?' 'Am i not someone they trust/feel they can be honest with?' And so on and so on and its!!! Extremely discouraging and disheartening and I feel awful, because it all feels so plausible in my mind despite knowing I cannot possibly know how my friend feels unless they tell me. _________________________________________ If anyone has any advice regarding how one quells these thoughts from rising up, how to cope when theyre active, and how to distinguish between an OCD rumination versus a real pattern or reaction that warrants genuine discussion, I would love to hear it!!! I thought of checking in with this friend when i'm less anxious but i'm not sure I should; they aren't responsible for reassuring me all the time nor do I expect them to recognize when I need reassurance, even when I dont realize that i'm asking for it (it wasnt until i was typing all this out that it occurred to me that i was hoping they would validate our relationship) And like, aside from this conversation they've voiced positive feelings about my being around before, so it feels unreasonable to ask it of them the one time they didn't yanno? Anyway long post over thank you for bearing with me 😓😓😓

does anyone have any tips for calming down when worried about waiting back to hear results? for context i am a junior college but i have poor grades (because of adhd and ocd) and i am waiting to see if i am going to be academically dismissed from college. then im worried if it does happen that i will not be reaccepted or accepted to any other programs. i dont find out until next week but i am already so unable to shut off my mind and stop worrying. i cant stop thinking about the worse possible outcomes i really dont wanna have to quit college bc it would’ve been three years for nothing.

I’ve been struggling with intense shame and guilt brought on by obsessions of whether or not I’m a decent friend, a decent person, if I’m doing things right, and whether or not I’m making a positive impact on society. Any time I do something that causes harm or that I perceive may cause harm or if I’m in the room where someone is causing harm I get extremely anxious about the repercussions and what it means for the course of my entire life. I’ve always believed in karma and how people get what energy they put out into the world, and it makes me fear causing anyone unintentional harm, so I go out of my way to be as aware and proactive of reducing harm to people and communities as possible. I’m getting extremely burnt out and almost never have energy or find time to do something that I enjoy, because it feels like I’m doing it at the expense of others. I feel like I’m constantly anticipating bad things to happen and people to be angry at my existence or responses to everything. I’m not terrified of criticism but I am terrified of people viewing me as a bad person, as annoying, as gross, as a disturbed human being, etc. I welcome criticism,but I’m terrified of other people’s perceptions of me and abandoning me because of it. I’m a trans man and it’s all exacerbated by anti-trans rhetoric and stigma against gay men and anything having to do with sexuality. It also manifests as racialized OCD. I am white and very privileged, but I try to be aware and diligent about learning about and acknowledging my biases and privileges and actively working to change them. However, my fears and anxieties about messing up and causing harm often overwhelm me and make it very difficult to make consistent and empathetic efforts without being consumed by anxiety and intrusive thoughts. My brain exhausts me and keeps me from establishing deep and meaningful connections with people of color. I don’t ever want to overwhelm my friends by sharing this intense fear, but not being honest about it probably isn’t helping us understand each other better at all. It makes me so sad and I feel like a failure.

Hello, I’ve spoken to specialists and taken many tests that prove I’m sensitive and have empathy. Knowing that I’m empathetic (and don’t lack empathy) I’ve still been obsessing over whether or not I’m a decent person. Setting boundaries and being authentic to self has been a challenge. I’m not sure when to engage in conversation anymore because the questions I’m asked are almost like I’m being tested, and not genuine conversation. No matter what choices I make, it seems like I’m the villain or something. I make mistakes (as does everyone) it’s just either I make too much eye contact, not enough eye contact. I’m too sociable or not sociable enough. The work environment has been exhausting, and I’m doing my best to just focus on work. The thoughts just won’t go away. People are going to have their own thoughts and perceptions regardless, it just feels as though I’m a horrible person. Feelings aren’t always fact, and I know I’m not alone in this. It’s just no matter what I say or do… It gets misinterpreted or assumptions are being made, without questions being asked. Anyone else experiencing this? I’m afraid it’s interfering with my ability to function.

hey:) My name is mai, i‘m 18 years old. I think I‘ve been struggling with OCD almost all my life - eventhough i‘ve only realized it lately, thanks to a friend that made me aware of the fact that the horrifying thoughts and impulses i sometimes experience, are not „just a little stress and insecurity“. When i was a little kid i had very long hair. People always commented on it, sometimes they said things that triggered an unproportional huge amount of anxiety in me. I Never wanted to cut my hair. Someday my sister and a friend told me that if i wasn‘t going to cut it soon, they’d come at night and do it for me when i sleep. I was always a sensible and fragile person that thinks too much and doesn‘t know where to put these thoughts. At that time i didn‘t realize how much these words and fears affected me, but unconsciously i started controlling if my hair was still there every 40-60 seconds. I could not sleep if my hair was not hanging over my right shoulder where i could see and feel it. I always wore it on the right, and checked it - constantly, until one day a doctor told me that my neck was suffering due to the weight and the tense position that my head was always in. Then i decided to end this fear and cut it, so that the pain and fears would stop, reminding myself that i could always regrow it. The fear disappeared, and for some years, in which i struggled with other disorders, the OCD symptoms seemed to be somewhere in the back of my mind. I just finished school, and now i‘m preparing for the TMS (a test in Germany that increases your chances of getting into med school). Since the structure and safety of going to school regularly is missing, and since i don‘t know if I’ll be accepted for one of the subjects i‘d like to study, i feel very much out of control. I feel helpless, at the mercy of strangers and i‘m so afraid of failing the expectations i have for myself. Since this phase of „being out of control and safety“ has started, i suddenly experienced a lot of different anxieties, some of them causing panic attacks on a regular basis. I obsess about my health, i find new symptoms and proofs I could be dead or very Sick in the next few days - every week. I‘ve been to my doctor so often i think he‘s really annoyed because of my ideas. Sometimes i also have psychological fears, like what if i‘m losing my mind.? What if i‘m having a psychosis? What if nothing is even real and everything is just an illusion? Thinking about life and existence frightens me a lot. I can‘t drink alcohol of caffeine anymore because i‘m convinced it will change my perception of reality in a way i couldn‘t handle. Some days i wake up and think that the colour of the socks i choose to wear will determine what kind of day This will become. I often worry that i bother people too much, that i‘m annoying and Just hopeless and that eventually people will realize how exhausting i am, and leave. It’s especially bad in romantic relationships, and it makes everything hard to enjoy. I have now chosen to work on myself, on my real fears - that lay beneath the things i think to fear. I want to educate myself on this disease and get my life back. I‘ll make a list of things that i used to love, and am now too afraid to do. I want my life back from my anxiety and OCD.

Because the things i fear the most are the things i want the most. Because i feel like this disease is taking my life from me.

For the past week I’ve been throwing up or at least having the feelings of throwing up because of just anxiety and stress. I can’t even eat anything because I feel sick all the time! I’m not even hungry. I really don’t know what to do because I thought I was getting better but every time I eat I just feel sick and when that goes away something happens that makes me anxious or even stressed and I just feel it coming. I’ve never done or had this before but it’s really unpleasant. My mind is constantly racing with thoughts and images that I can’t seem to calm myself down so my body is rejecting food, even when I have no food in my body it’s rejecting whatever it can. The other day I ate one packet of nuts, that was it all day. Because I just feel so sick with all these thoughts

Recently started ERP and first I was very optimistic and hopeful about my decision and I was managing yk being exposed to my thoughts and fears during session but now my compulsions are super super bad I feel like I’m almost like a failure and that I’m never gonna be able to get better because I am doing my homework but it’s just so difficult cause I am trying so hard to resist a compulsion but today it was just so so difficult my compulsions went out of control

i hate the feeling of “excitement” in my stomach like i’m about to do it. it feels like butterflies, i hate it i don’t want to feel like that. i don’t want to hurt anyone, i say that all the time but it’s like my mind doesn’t get it.

I am curious, how your OCD started and how you doubted it was OCD? (It can be any time of OCD)

I have two AP Tests this week and one of my intrusive thoughts has always been that I will never get into college (I have a 4.0 gpa) I had a panic attack last night and I’m honestly so terrified I can’t even think straight even though I’ve done all I can to prepare. So now I just have to stare at the wall until I have to drive to the testing place in the morning. I can’t sleep, or eat or do anything but worry.

The visuals just seem so real and are so scary ! I don’t want to visualize any of these things!

I’m being haunted by something that happened in my relationship about 2 years ago. It’s worse than any event I’ve read here, so I understand if I cause disgust in this community by contributing some of my obsessing about this event to my OCD. Basically, I went through some struggles with alcohol a little while back, and this started as a result of me struggling to cope with a different horrible event that I caused. I was drinking excessively and often in secret. I’m not sure how much of a factor the alcohol plays in this event, so maybe it’s not even worth mentioning. Around the same time, my girlfriend came to me and told me that she thought that she might be transgender (MTF). When she initially came to me about this, she wasn’t really certain, and although I was a bit shocked I was very supportive of her. She started therapy to work out these feelings, and while I went through my own struggles and worries about this new information, we were actually doing pretty well. Until one night when she had therapy. I had been drinking that day, but I don’t remember the amount or how intoxicated I actually was. I would usually wear headphones when she was in her sessions (they were telehealth), but for some reason this time I made one of the worst mistakes of my entire life. I listened in on parts of her session from the other side of the door. I think I even stopped and came back to hear more. I don’t remember exactly how this came about. I think I passed by and heard her talking about me and my curiosity/lack of morals got the best of me. I heard her talking about me for a bit, but I also heard her say that she was now very sure she was trans. I didn’t know this (nor did I have any right to know this), and in my selfish, intoxicated, and mentally ill state, I went to the couch and had a bit of a breakdown. I don’t remember how long I eavesdropped on her. It could have been anywhere from 4-15 minutes. Any amount of time is too much. I am horrified by what I did to this day, and every time I think about it it sends me into a total spiral. When she was done with her session, I asked her leading questions about how sure she was that she was trans (so not only did I betray her trust, but I had the gall to question her about a part of what I had heard). She told me that she was absolutely sure. I went into a state of bargaining and disbelief, trying to be accepting and kind while also panicking about this change and what it meant for our relationship. I kept asking if she was sure, almost hoping that I could get her to think about it more before deciding. Horrible. Then out of guilt and horror over my actions, I quickly confessed to her that I had eavesdropped on a portion of her session. I think I minimized how long I had listened at first, but I corrected myself on that as well (I don’t remember how quickly though). She was understandably upset and disappointed, but not nearly as much as she had the right to be. She should have screamed at me and probably left my ass. But she still remained kind to me and we talked about the importance of me respecting her privacy during her future sessions. She went to take a bath, and I was so overcome with shame and self hatred for what I’d done that I ended up self-harming. I didn’t mean for this to be manipulative, but it was yet another horrible choice made based on my impulsivity. I ended up confessing this to her as well, not for her to take care of me, but because it was a bit more severe than I intended and I felt so guilty for having the audacity to hurt myself after everything I’d done. And that’s about where the event ends. It’s been about 2 years, and I still can’t believe that I have done something so horrifically disrespectful. We’ve talked about it so many times, and somehow she forgives me and it no longer bothers her. I have put myself in her shoes, and I would be so upset if someone did to me what I did to her. I ruminate over the details, google similar events and read peoples feelings about what I’ve done, try to remember exactly how long I eavesdropped for, what I heard, if I downplayed anything else when I confessed, and try to remember how intoxicated I was (which doesn’t matter at all). I always feel the need to confess more and to repeatedly bring this event up and apologize/ask how she feels about it (or if there’s anything I can do to help her heal). I take so many precautions now to make sure that my girlfriend feels 100% safe and secure in therapy. I have never done this again, I’ve discussed my actions in my own therapy, and I always leave the house for the entire duration of her sessions (even though she says she trusts me to wear headphones). I initiate conversations about what I did, how it made her feel, and if there is anything else I can do to show how sorry I am and guarantee her emotional safety. I consider what I did emotional abuse even though she doesn’t. She thinks that the event was bad, but my OCD is exaggerating my guilt and shame. I disagree. What I did was truly monstrous and how I feel as a result is the only way any sane person would feel after doing something like that. What I’m struggling with is accepting her forgiveness, kindness, and her desire for me to try and move on. I’ve read that what I did is a dealbreaker, and I can’t disagree. How are you supposed to accept such incredible kindness and acceptance from someone you have betrayed so severely? How am I supposed to feel like it’s ok for me to accept her love and continue our relationship despite what I’ve done?Especially when you have a pattern of horrible, disrespectful behavior? For some reason she still loves and wants me, and I don’t want to take away any more of her agency to make her own decisions about her life. I love her more than anything. She feels unheard when I talk about how I’m worried she shouldn’t forgive me, that I’m an abuser and she deserves someone who would never think of doing such a thing to her. I feel like it doesn’t matter how much therapy I get or how much work I do to change. My life feels like one long series of irredeemable actions. I’m sorry for the long post. I needed to get this off my chest. I understand that this is unacceptable and probably not even OCD related. I understand that most people would hate me for this (trust me, I hate myself a lot) and that I don’t deserve to still have such a loving relationship with this person. I just need help figuring out how to live with myself. Thank you for reading, and I’m so sorry to anyone who’s suffered because of pieces of shit like me.

I changed my baby’s name amidst a postpartum panic attack and ocd episode. We immediately changed it back (she’s a month old now), but now her birth certificate will say it was amended. I am so happy we changed it back bc we love her name. I didn’t want her to have a name we didn’t love and picked in a low moment for me. But now, I am really worried about the repercussions this will have on her as she goes to get a job, married, apply for a license, etc. So even though I feel we made the right choice to give her the original name she was born with, I’m down a rabbit hole of the ramifications of that. How do we avoid going down this rabbit hole? I don’t want to live like this forever and think about it all the time as she grows up; fearing for the worst.