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the NOCD Community

Do you have any tips to help me redirect my thoughts & actions?

Do any of you suffer from frequent rumination, anxiety when not giving in to compulsion, and having a guilt or doubt that you did something inappropriate and with bad intent? Even though its completely against your values and history the guilt and doubt is unbearable. Its affecting my family and work life.

My 9 yo daughter began her OCD symptoms when she turned 8. Her dad has it so we recognized it. She sees a therapist who told her to make her OCD into a being. She named her OCD a silly name to help her separate herself from her anxieties and subsequent compulsions. It’s hard to know what she’s supposed to do with this “creature” as verbalizing it is difficult for her. Should she try to push this being away when he pops up, or is she supposed to work with the being to coexist? I just want to be as helpful to her as possible.

I hope this post finds someone who is currently struggling with this ocd theme. Long story short, about 3 months ago I experienced an encounter where it has traumatized me to the core. I have relationship OCD due to the fact that I was unfaithful to my partner at the beginning of our relationship. I built such fear and trauma from it to not do it again. My partner knows everything! But what I want to say today is that there is hope. These past 3 months has been a living hell for me. I experienced false memory so severely and bad. To explain the experience, I went to the gym to cancel my membership. Like I mentioned, I have slight fear with guys because of what I went through. I do admit to my faults, I was being nice to this guy. He was super friendly/outgoing. And from the start I remember thinking nothing of it but to be nice and chill towards this guy ( usually I’m super serious). Unfortunately, it is completely out of my memory now. But I said at the beginning I had an intrusive thought about being extra friendly to this guy behind my boyfriend’s back. Mind you it turned into something crazy because through I and my boyfriend’s messages, I said that the thought was about flirting. But I’ve always remembered as friendly. That completely distorted my memory. So during this months I’ve been trying to figure it out and see if after whatever thought I had, I smiled more or not due to the malicious intrusive thought I had. Then it jumped into, I don’t remember and ‘ what if ‘ I flirted with this guy or flirtatiously smiled at him. Constant doubts about this situation and the amount of anxiety this brought to me. My boyfriend said if there was any flirtation at all he’s leaving. So that left me in the trenches because as a person with OCD, there’s a 0 tolerance for uncertainty especially with a memory. Although it brought me days of not eating because I was so fixated on I have to know every detail of this encounter. Recently, I started to think to myself. Life is not always gonna be 100% certainty. But there is such thing called logic. For people going through FALSE MEMORY. Listen to me right now, if you did something bad, you just know. There’s no doubt or anything. Unless you have very short term memory like actually diagnosed. I started to think about it and told myself, you know what; if I flirted with this guy, I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. If I would have smiled in a flirtatious way towards this guys I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. Any aspect that would have made me uncomfortable, I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. That is logic. You can ask any person right now and ask them hey do you remember this memory by detail and they will say NO. But if you ask them, in this case, did you smile in a flirty way or flirt with them they’ll say no. But how if you don’t remember the details, and I promise there answer would be well I wouldn’t do that and ontop of that if I would have I would’ve known that since it happened and would’ve recalled. So please anyone going through false memory, listen up, if it begins with ‘ what if ‘ shut that off right then and there. You remember big details, as humans we are prone to that. Move forward and drop whatever you are going through and live your life!!!! Stop torturing yourself.

i got a thought of “why are you fighting against the “urge” so much? just give in” and it’s scaring me. it’s like i now i don’t know why i’m fighting against it. but i know why i have been, i don’t want to hurt my family. but now this thought makes me think i actually do. i don’t know what’s going on truly, sometimes i feel like i’m able to tell it’s all ocd and then sometimes it feels so real.

Does anyone else get very nervous/afraid/anxious after experiencing an OCD spiral? Over the last 2 days I’ve had my worst ocd episode in years and even though I think and hope I’m through the worst of it I find myself nervous that anything could re-trigger it. Just feeling really vulnerable and fragile and wondering if anyone else gets “ocd hangovers” like this.

It feels like I’m going round in circles with my ocd and struggling to find things to help I’ve been in therapy but felt like they didn’t understand my ocd properly as they weren’t specialised in ocd I’ve been told “I’m doing the right things to help” and that there’s nothing more to offer me? but none of the therapy sessions even done things like cbt or exposure therapy It’s making me worried that there’s no way to help it or that no one else experiences the same thing as me Just makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me :( Worried I’m making it up and that it’s not ocd Has anyone done the therapy on here and has it helped? Please tell me your experience 💕

Everytime i try, my attraction to men is always just constantly underminded by constant intrusive thoughts. I just feel like what excuse do i have at this point. Im so unstable i cant tell up from down. Id feel like myself one day, and the next im convinced i have 0 attraction to men anymore, so what choice do i have but be straight, just to have a crush on a dude the next day. Being thrown through the ringer just kills me. It feels like my personality is being rewritten day by day, and I cant tell which thoughts are real anymore.

I'm feeling a lot of guilt and shame because of my bad habit and I don't know how to get passed it. I'm really afraid I've messed up my physical health because of this addiction aside from my mental health. Sometimes I just browse forums under the same topic to try and see if I find someone that's going through the same thing I am 100%. This usually never works and I just end up finding things that are worse than my situation and it doesn't help. Worse, I'll get groinals that ruin everything about this because I get thoughts that I'm only reading things for Attraction. I just don't know how I can accept my decisions without shame attached to it. I completed a therapy session and it did help, but I just need to find a way to change my mindset. It's really hard. I hate thinking about all of the pain I've been through with porn. I hate that I'm so hooked on this and I hate that I've acted out so badly at times. I had that on some occasions I've harmed myself when this, whether it'd be crying because it's so awful to deal with, physically hurting myself by accident or doing something so impulsive, stupid, and risky just to get the stupid high.

And making it worse? I sometimes feel like I over complicate it and make it worse by feeling like I need the answers to all of the questions that I have in my mind before everything will be okay and I can move forward I also strongly feel that going to talk therapy at the start of 2020 made it a lot worse like it made me feel in my mind that okay I am going to get all of the answers now when of course it doesn't work like that

Just wanted to let you guys know . I hop in from time to time to read and check in and wanted to let you guys know that I’ve dealt with a lot of the things mentioned here if not all . I am not a trained therapist. I’m just telling my own testimony in hopes to help others. 1. It’s not the thoughts that are the problem …. It’s the relationship we have with the thoughts. The more we realize that OCD thoughts have absolutely no meaning , the quicker you can move forward. The anxiety will lessen once your relationship changes and you’ll be able to overcome. 2. There’s not a different regime for each subtype . ERP is the best approach ..Don’t run from these thoughts …. Sit with them And retrain your brain to learn that they don’t mean a thing. If you’re having SOCD about a particular friend , have the courage to go out and hang with them. It’s tough but the more you expose yourself to the environment that you’re afraid of …. The more your brain realizes that these fears are irrational. If you’re having self harm OCD . Expose yourself to the things that you fear … At the root of OCD is fear and doubt….. it’s not the subtype itself …. Approach them all in the same manner. OCD hit me like a ton of bricks 4 years ago …..I struggled tremendously about 2 years before knowing how to handle it or even what it was. I lost my Job due to OCD and almost admitted myself in a hospital several times because I thought I was going crazy. It was almost two years of debilitating anxiety until I learned what I was dealing with was OCD. A few subtypes to name : health anxiety, sexual orientation ocd, self harm ocd, sleep anxiety , fear of being a pedophile. It’s like once I got over one ….the next would come until I realized they were all coming from the same thing ….that’s when my life started to change Fast forward, with the help of God, I learned to retrain my brain and not to worry about intrusive thoughts when they come in from time to time. actually learned to take them as the joke they are . The more I exposed myself … the more I trusted myself . Nobody else can reassure you … better yet you don’t need reassurance because it’s actually what keeps you in the cycle. Just Trust God Now I’m a Middle school teacher , in graduate school working towards my degree in counseling with a bright future ahead. I say this to say that, if I can do it , you can do it too …. I’m no different from any of you … I didn’t have a therapist at the time so take advantage if you do. Don’t view OCD as bad ….. it’s apart of you that you will learn to manage. I don’t regret OCD cause it has made me a less fearful person …. I’ve fixed fear and doubt that rooted from my childhood through the struggles of OCD . So it was a blessing in disguise. This is a temporary phase for all of you , trust me . And I know how hard it is to believe that when you’re in the middle of it . But remember. Once your relationship with the thoughts changes that’s when you Free yourself Love all 🙏🏾

Does anyone receive temporary relief from their intrusive thoughts with alcohol use? But, then the next day you feel worse? I’m not suggesting massive quantities, a few drinks and I feel like a totally different person. I know this is a very slippery slope- I only have a few drinks once or twice a week and no more. But, in that time I almost feel normal again. Why does this happen? Thoughts?

Worried about wrong things I did as a 18/19 year old and it’s so hard to know what to do. I’m 21 now, but I’m so worried I was a p without even realizing that’s what it was. There’s multiple things I’m worried about having done/potentially done and that makes me so ashamed. Like I’m worried I was attracted to characters that were like 17 when I was 19 and stuff like that. I don’t know what to do. I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. I feel like I don’t care enough about this I just feel like there is nothing I can do and I feel like everything I’m worried about having done is turning out to be real. It makes me feel better to know that I have learned and grown and I know better now when it comes to certain things I did. I also was homeschooled with no friends and never around other kids/teens so I know some things I don’t know maybe I genuinely thought certain things were ok. But I feel like saying that is an excuse. But it’s not an excuse. I can recognize I’ve still done things wrong. I don’t know how to feel and I don’t want to defend myself at all. But that’s what I feel like I’m doing. I feel so frustrated and ashamed and disgusting. What do you do when you realize you think things you did are real but there’s nothing you can do about it now? It’s the most defeating feeling. I feel like I’m one step backwards again. I just continue to remember more things I did were wrong and find more details. And I feel like what do I do about it now??? I don’t know. I just want to be normal I don’t want to be a predator. I just want peace again. I want a normal life. Why did I have to do certain things? I feel like why did it take me so long to grow up and realize certain things were weird or wrong or questionable.

I'm ruminating practically all day and because the subject affects every aspect of my daily life I can't just "be in the moment." I'm thinking about designating a specific part of my day to allow 30min for rumination and journaling. I figure having that time period well give me a chance to go over whatever I think I need to figure out and allow for me to "table" my ruminations when time is up until the next day. Any thoughts or feedback on this?

Why is reassurance a bad thing for OCD?

i feel like crying. i keep coming back here but it’s the only place that calms me down. i keep getting thoughts and feelings that i’m going to give into these thoughts today. all i get is images of me harming my family members and i’m panicking so bad. i don’t want to hurt them, and now it’s saying that i actually do want to. it feels inevitable. i feel like a terrible person. i know i don’t want to do these terrible things. i was just fine a few minutes ago but it all just came back like always.

this is probably the worst thing I've ever worried about just because everyone says "people don't give in to their intrusive thoughts if they did then they aren't intrusive' After I mostly seen that it has me freaking out because then it makes me think it was really me because in the moment it felt real and felt like something nasty took over me to make me keep looking and then the nasty thought I had with it it's like usually when I have a nasty thought I'm like nah but this time I can't believe I actually listened to the thought and went along with the thought not even thinking about it twice just went along with it like I said it was like something nasty took over me and I literally TURNED MY HEAD I turned my head! to look more because my thought you'd me too like I was almost into it and then the nasty thought appeared then I freaked out and have been since then What's crazy is I can't even Remember exactly what the thought was I had I just know it was nasty Me turning my head more and look more because my thought told me to and then the nasty thought that I had about what I was looking at it felt like me felt so real and it's scaring me I don't want it to really be me and I dont know if anyone can help me on that which scares me even more I just want to cry and go back to what I was before I'm just so scared it was actually me trying to get into it like Get INTO IT and turn my head to look more because it felt like me Please I hope someone can help i don't want it to be actually me because it was something a person shouldn't like and it's freaking me out

I'm depressed, sad, angry, fucking livid... For some context my OCD has gotten to the point of not making any noise or light in order to do prevent my parents from being distracted when opening or closing the freezer and potentially trapping a stray cat inside, which would be my fault since I'm the one who made the distraction. Since it was becoming impossible to live correctly, because I would stay in one position watching videos with my headphones for hours while they were making food, I decided that I would just check the freezer once a day, a tedious process involving me having to record the entrance of the freezer with my tablet while removing everything and recording the insides of the freezer with my phone. After two days, I had enough and decided to just be careful but two days ago I was pissed off because I was waiting for my parents to go to bed which they usually do at midnight but it was 2 am and my dad had been dozing on the couch for almost 2 hours with my mom telling him to go to bed every 5 minutes. In anger, I squeezed my phone and it slipped, the bright side was now facing the window and could've been a distraction. I took it upon myself to not check the freezer and I haven't since, but I feel super guilty because I don't know if I did squeeze my phone knowing it would potentially make a distraction or not. Since then I feel like I lost, I've been trying to be as careful not to hurt a cat for a year with compulsions, a failure to do so would "corrupt" my hobbies, rendering them "bad" to do (I can't explain that feeling, it's like when you try to play a RPG but you mess up and it feels off, especially with perfectionism OCD). I also have kind of the same thing with my windows where it takes 30 minutes to close them because I need to check if a cat isn't on the windowsill with the same tablet and phone setup. I told my mom she shouldn't open the window in my room because it takes me a while to close it but she doesn't care, and today while returning home I found my windows half-opened because she returned my plant I had left on the balcony, and it's driving me crazy because how dumb can she be, she knows not to open it bit she does it anyway, and it's not like it was an urgent matter to return it and she could have placed it on my desk but nooooooooo... I'd check the windowsill now but I can't, I'm afraid my tablet makes ultrasound or EM waves that will distract my cats in the kitchen and that they will brush against the freezer door which could cause it to open and trap a cat inside, and it would be my fault because I would have made some noise with my tablet... I feel like I'm losing no matter what...

My most obsessed thought is am I going to be like this for the rest of my life. I have no desire to do anything nothing is fun I'm serving a life sentence in my head. I've lost every friend I've ever had because fun doesn't exist in ky life its what if we get in trouble what if someone gets hurt how will that person feel will the think I'm a bad person and 200 more what ifs and by what if number 6 you've lost someone else u cherished. I've had countless relationships with some of the most amazing girls and every one of them always say I did not know it was this bad and they disappear. If theres some kinda help out there or any way I can help someone else that is living anything close to my life sign me up. I often feel like there's only one way out and that there is no help for me but I keep faith and hope that there is. Stay strong there's gotta be a cure for this. Thanks

so a few months ago i heard about “the lamp” story on reddit. it’s sent me into overdrive since and i’ve been struggling extremely bad since i heard about it. earlier today i was showing my friends my tattoo, i was telling them what it said off memory but they corrected me and said “no it’s says “until being strong is the only choice you have” and i can and have only remembered it said “strength is the only choice you have”. (that is not the full tattoo that is just the part that was mixed up). it instantly brought me back to the lamp story … in the story he saw a lamp was looking “odd” or “warping” and it caused him to wake up from a coma. in his dream he had a family and a whole life and a job and all and came to find out none of it was real. since then i have been struggling with nothing being real and convincing myself i am also in a situation similar. my brain instantly brought me into hyperdrive and has told me the tattoo is my “lamp” and it is going cause me to wake up from a coma because it’s not what i remember it being. please tell me someone understands. i am really not okay and in all honesty i feel like im going insane.