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Has anyone here ever been able to get relief from an intrusive thought by ruminating and going over and over it in their memory to try and figure it all out? Is it even possible?

I’m trying my best to resist the compulsion of seeking reassurance with a friend, I really really want to text her and tell her my thoughts to see what she thinks about it, but I know it could be a compulsion :(. Any tips for keep resisting?

I have trouble feeling like I even love my partner. Like I see those OCD memes like ‘when I love my partner so much and I’m so in love but then have intrusive thoughts about our relationship’ I’m like … how do you even know you love your partner lol. I feel so identified with my intrusive thoughts I feel like they ARE the relationship, they ARE my feelings, and constantly feel that lack.

I was fine for so long, didnt have any intrusive thoughts, but i saw something on facebook that triggered a form of ocd i thought i recovered from over a year ago. Im so afraid that there is something wrong with me. I’m so afraid what if i do something super horrible that i don’t want to? What if i go crazy and something bad happens because of me? I dont want to have these thoughts i just want to be normal.

I couldnt word it before but now i can so i write it down. I always feel like im avoiding and now i know why, because people say dont go there, dont think about the thoughts, just notice it then focus on somethinh else. And for me when i try to not go there i feel like ik avoiding cause the urge of thinking about it is so strong that i have to fight to not go there and it becomes a fight then my mind sees that im having a problem so it gets worse. And then when i try to ignore or shift my attention it becomes an avoidance like its just too much power on trying to not focus on it. Also i start to say i dont want to think about this cause i know its ocd and ita bad for me but it gets worse and worse and then i feel like nothing helps cause i still avoid even if i try to do what i should do... any advice?

Is it possible to go a whole 6 years of your life completely normal and then suddenly have an intrusive thought that you may have harmed someone yearsss ago? And upon looking for ‘evidence’ of this event you start to find things that add up, and then get paranoid it’s real when you don’t think it is? Some things add up , some things don’t.. This thought may be getting mixed with other real events honestly I don’t know anymore, but I think maybe checking myself into a ward might be my only solution.

i don't know if I can continue my college. I have undiagnosed ocd and i haven't talked with a psychiatrist yet. My course is very hard, it requires a lot of attention and i cannot give that. I feel like crying, we had our 1st quiz today and I failed. I failed as a student and as a daughter...

I struggled with severe ocd since I was in 2nd grade and now I’m turning 19 so I’ve had it basically my whole life, I’ve had it bc my dad abused my mom when I was little all the way up until I was a teenager and it really hurts me and affects my life. I have intrusive thoughts and images of loved ones getting hurt and I constantly overthink about my relationship and it got worst since I became a mother bc I ALWAYS worry about my daughter and I’m scared and it makes me panic I always think that if I listen to certain songs,take showers,get cute,put on certain clothes,or just take care of myself in general that something will happen and it makes my mental health worse and i have severe anxiety I struggled with pyschosis for 2 weeks and addiction to pills I don’t have money to get a therapist or even health insurance please help me how to stop it bc even when I try to let the thoughts pass through it hurts me and makes me freeze and not even be able to breathe bc of it and I can’t even say certain words bc I overthink that something will happen and it makes me want to take my life

Does it ever feel like sometimes you're "forcing" yourself to have intrusive thoughts? or you're thinking of things you don't like on purpose to make sure you don't like your thoughts? Even in personal or intimate moments with yourself or others? What is this called and how do you stop it?

How bad do you have to be because I would say I am severely struggling right now, to the point where everything is a clue to me. Im borderline dealing with psychosis I believe and I’m terrified. Has anyone actually been an inpatient before? Was it helpful?

I've been having issues with being so scared about death that my mind tells me that I should just kill myself to avoid the fear. The thing is, I love life. I don't want to die and I want to see it out to the end, but there have been times where I felt like I could just *do it* because my mind told me it was the calmer route (i.e., if im dead, I dont have to think about the fact that I will die). It really upsets me that these thoughts come into my head so much because I know they're not mine. Even knowing that they're not mine makes me uncomfortable because, if they aren't mine, why do I continue to think the same things?? Why do I keep telling myself that I should do it when I don't want to. It's so frustrating and scary I don't want to hurt myself (and I haven't for a very long time), but just knowing these thoughts are here is really worrying to me.

What makes me feel the craziest, is that I feel like I know enough thanks to my having to research and Google everything..... like, I'm a sophomore in college... I am majoring in Psychology. Because the human mind (like mine) is so interesting. So like, I will talk to myself. Quietly with my thoughts AND even out loud. What trips me out is that I Swear that I have full therapy sessions with myself. I know my OCD is the cause of me having to keep questioning myself and trying to figure out why I'm this way and how to get better and what can I do to end this hell I live in inside my mind. I have made note of being able to provide myself with suggestions and advice and info on things to do that can help counter and deal with my OCD to where i can be more functional. It really pulls me into an intense standstill Because it's like I know the answer and I know what I need to do... but I have to always end it with how i must not care how insane and crazy I am because if I know what I can do to help manage and keep my OCD at ease, then why can't I? It pulls me into this spiral where I then question what I know. Or if I have some sort of split personality. I'm always checking and researching things that I already know, just so I can find reassurance. I will ask Alexa stupid questions I know the answer to, like "whats the definition of _____" when I know what the meaning is, but I want to make sure. I'm always feeling as if I could be wrong in everything I think I know.... I get stuck for hours replaying events and situations or something said or done and try to think of every possible reason why, or possible outcomes. I can not communicate effectively because I sound crazy to myself, how is the other person thinking I'm normal? I get lost and stuck for hours in my own head... "circling" as i call it, or what I recently read as a ping pong game. My best friend committed suicide in 2019, by "hanging" to where I became obsessed with suicide, learning all about hanging to where I know things like short-drop and either you suffer or just pass out. Not just that but then I want to know how she was in her last moments. (I would hope she just passed out... I hate knowing she was in any pain). This lead me to become obsessed with the spirit world and started doing spirit box sessions again because I want to talk to her. (Which has me confused between I know I might hear some things because I want to... but also feel that because of that, I need clear responses). I am just in constant battle with my own self. I'm always fighting my own self. I'm my own worst enemy... but my own friend and therapist and teacher and etc. This is really really difficult. And I hope I am not alone in this. I don't even know exactly what subtypes and themes i deal with because there's many, and because everything has to be exactly what it's supposed to be, that if one "trait" doesn't fall under that category, that there must be something I am missing. This is exhausting 😞

It's a stressing period in my life this month. I'm stressed and I can't control the feelings of my thoughts. I mean I know I can't control my thoughts but after all these years of therapy, I'm able to concentrate and not create negative feelings, knowing it's just my OCD. Now that I'm stressed, I feel terrible. My body also is sick, i got a flu and I want to leave to my parents for a week, to get myself together. I don't know what to do. I'm full of insecurity and fear, cause of my thoughts and I can't work properly. Got any suggestions, something to help me ?

I feel like I have become really confused about who I am, mainly when it comes to dealing with these thoughts. Lately the harm thoughts are coming to me like I don’t think this but sort of ‘feel’ like ‘imagine you went and didn’t this right now’ like I’m not thinking that thought but I sort of feel it like I can’t explain it and sort of imagine you jsut done it anyways and because I’m not anxious over the thoughts anymore and haven’t been for while I feel like its just made it worse because now I purposely think these horrible thoughts on purpose over and over to gauge my response in hope I will feel anxious so I can then ‘move on from the thought’ so if a disgusting thought or idea comes to me I find it extremely difficult to move on and feel as though I HAVE to examine the thought. I had a really disgusting thought come out of no where, basically I was in my room and there was clothing on the floor and my foot hit it when I walked past and I had a thought like ‘it felt like a animal/cat’ and then my highly active horribly creative Brain decides to make me think ‘felt like a dead animal’ then I thought to myself okay just move on from that whatever but of course I couldn’t because now according to my brain I have to now work out whether I like the feeling of picking up a dead/motionless body, because what if its true - I know this sounds so disgusting and horrible. So then I started imagining picking up a ‘dead’ animal and it ‘flopping’ about the I sort of got some sort of ‘shudder of anxiety’ it doesn’t feel like a really strong anxiety but it feels almost like I get a shudder and almost like I bring it on on purpose then I had to imagine the thought about a dead person (even more horrible) to check incase I do or don’t like moving/holding a dead body and then the same thing happened I got a shudder kind of thing then it usually still feels unsatisfied but I feel I can then somehow move on form the thought since I’ve now had a ‘shudder’ and I’ve done this same process with so many other thoughts before as well and sometimes I even the start thinking I’m purposely making myself ‘shudder’ and maybe I’m being fake but it’s jsut gotten bad like I don’t even believe myself or no what to believe anymore. I constantly feel like I’m faking my reactions as well and worry that I’m secretly happy and I’m not sure if it’s adrenaline but sometimes I will be talking about this problem or thinking and I get the same feeling in my face/chest like im ‘excited’ or about to laugh or smile and when I looked it up it says anxiety and excitement can feel the same and im wondering if im jsut confused now the other thing is I literally don’t know when im feeling anxious anymore when it comes to ocd. Like sometimes I end up thinking about the thoughts and with the shudder thing I strain my body when I do it/like tense up and Soemtiems I get hot and cold feeling come over me but I still don’t recognise that as anxiety and think that I’m somehow deliebralty making myself feel like that and it’s fake and I’m not anxious and I literally jsut don’t even know when I’m anxious and it’s worrying. Also I feel like I’m literally constantly thinking I’m bad or imagining myself doing something bad and it’s like what the heck like, when I try to think to myself ‘no I would never do that’ I don’t believ it and some how think it’s would happen because I would ‘give in’ or want to do it eventually and it feels like after all these crap thoughts and how much I’m believing it and even believing I ‘like the feeling of doing the thoughts’ because apparently I know how it feels to act on thee thoughts like how it feels to physically do these horrible things and how my hands would feel doing it and everything and apparently it feels like I I like the feeeling but I’m still not sure if that’s my adrenaline/anxiety that makes me feel like i ‘like the feeling of doing that horrible thing’ but it’s literally making me belive because it feels like I like the feeling thag now its impossible that I would ‘never do that’ and that’s worrying me as well. I don’t want to be crazy or bad or anything in fact I’ve always loved helping people and to now be literally believing that I’m this evil person who likes the feeling of doing these horrible things it’s very very hard to deal with and after over two years of dealing with this crap I’m still suffering and it’s jsut awful and it’s like the only time I feel better is if I have something to look forward to and am pre occupied and it seems to go but then I think we’ll why is that does that mean it’s all fake and I’ve jsut forgotten about being evil but still am evil and also like I can’t even stay home anymore I use to live staying home but when i stay home I feel like I start going mad with this ocd crap and it feels more and more real and it’s so scary but I don’t even know if I’m scared like I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore when it comes to this ocd I jsut no since I started having this I’ve become such an angry person I get aggitated so quickly and I feel so much pent up stress and anger its so sad. I started staying home and it as okay for a bit and then it started happening and the worrying and everything and to to the point where at some point I thought I wanted to kill and bury my mom and I told her about all of it and I don’t even know how she feels hearing all this crap. I think I would feel very worried if someone kept telling me disturbing things like that. But I literally started imaging those things like the killing and burying thing to ‘test’ myself then i started thinking how do I know I’m thinking about it to test myself and not because I want to see if ‘I like it’ because I’m actually evil …? And then like I never felt anxious but it felt almost like it was an urge and that I wanted to do that burying thing and it was very concerning - see I’m typing this and I keep worrying I’m lying about being ‘concerned’ …but it felt so real like it made me feel like I ‘wanted to do that’ or liked it and there was no anxiety and jsut felt like an urge and it was very unsettling - I can’t even write ‘it was very scary’ because I think I might be lying about being scared… I don’t even know anymore my doubt levels are to another level and I don’t know how to deal with this I literally doubt so much it’s to an extreme my doubt levels like I don’t even believe myself and im believing something but feel like I don’t want it to be true but feel like it’s true that im bad and like the feeling of ‘smothering’ … this has been the worst thought I’ve been stuck of for like two years I still don’t know if it’s my anxiety making it feel like that but it feels like I know what it feels like to smother someone like how my hands feel doing that actions and that I like the feeling and my chest feels like idk and I’m jsut confused and because of that I’m not believing it’s impossible and I would actually be evil because I would choose to do it because I like it … I’m so confused and sad and wish I could jsut be normal, if anyone has read this to the end Thank you for listening and I’m sorry you had to read all this garbage it’s honestly such a load of crap and I don’t know what to do

Ok I've gone to a therapist who helped me cope with my ocd and I technically wasn't given an official diagnosis but I emailed him and said if he had would I be ocd and he said most likely yes. Anyway, I took a bunch of online tests to see what the internet said and it of course said I wasn't ocd. But it's super interesting that even online ocd tests from mental health organizations still believe ocd is mainly cleaning, organizing, and touching something multiple times til you feel right! This just opened my eyes even more to the reality that most people have no clue about this disorder!

I'm having so many racing thoughts after dealing with a very hectic week. I can't fall asleep despite being very tired because of so many thoughts. The thing that is worrying me is that I'm not feeling my usual anxiety that I get when having racing thoughts. Does that me something bad or good? Does it mean I'm managing better? Or have I become numb? am I just too tired? I decided to google racing thoughts but no anxiety and I wish I did not google this because there were so many scary things written about different mental health disorders and now I'm wondering is there something wrong with me besides intrusive thoughts (OCD) maybe it is something worse and more scary: but I have a tiny bit of anxiousness that I feel for a tiny moment but it is nothing close to the anxiety I usually go through. I just don't know what to make of this.

Hi everyone, I'm writing to ask if anyone has found a technique to stop compulsively researching stuff on Google. Oftentimes I get completely stuck researching things and can't stop even if I want to. My therapist has told me that when I get the urge i should focus on something else or focus on what my senses are perceiving. However, if I try to focus on my sensations, the stimuli that I get are not strong enough to distract me, or they don't last long enough, while, on the other hand, if I try to focus on a different activity, my mind is completely unable to focus and keeps going back to the thing that I want to search. Do you have any other suggestion?

I was just getting told by my mother that I am punishing her because of my sadness and crying spells in response to her frustration about her continuing to say that she was upset about me changing my guinea pigs’ bedding to shavings which had caused a minor mess, despite me kindly replying that I am routinely cleaning after them and have found a solution to prevent the bedding from pouring out of the cages. This is a good person, but was not a good choice of words. Nothing I seemed to do was enough. Yet, she most likely gave a fake apology and now wants me to apologize when I wasn’t the one who got angry at the other’s animal-loving life-style and don’t even get a single hug? That’s all I asked for, as that’s the next best empathic virtue aside from a genuine apology. If I could simply press a “magic button” of mental toughness and happiness to stop the unnecessary depression, crying spells, and difficulty of letting go of the random memory of her repeated frustration that day in my OCD brain, I would. But, this isn’t easy for people like me unresponsive to therapy who suffer from bipolar, autism, and so forth… I would never have the intention of punishing someone. It’s not my fault I am unable to control having depression. I’m not suicidal because I was told it is a sin to take your own life. But, I wouldn’t mind dying young. I can’t get admitted long-term to the psychiatric hospital because I’m not suicidal or a danger. I’m currently tapering off of BuSpar for my depression due to some severe side effects, and will resume taking new medication on Tuesday, which has help to reduce my crying spells in the past. It’s just so difficult to wait for the needed numbness to kick-in! I just don’t know how to overcome my illogical hypersensitivity in the meantime. How can I get over the meanness of the world without feeling isolated and hypersensitive from the people who are angry near me? How can I accept that some people aren’t willing to give friendly apologies and share their love through a hug to help me feel less distressed and loved? Each time I look at them, I get sad and am unable to talk to them because I feel alone, despite my family loving me, yet that’s all I have. I am cognizant that I’m not alone in the world, but I feel alone and borderline — one day my loved one is at the top of my universe, and the next they are at the bottom and I metaphorically lost them emotionally despite them still caring for me? It just hurts that they won’t apologize genuinely and show maternal love. I just don’t know how to stop crying without being medicated on strong psyche meds. How do I stop having crying spells when no one is available to give me a hug when I need it? I hope I’m not sounding too needy. I can’t help it. I forgive, but why can’t my brain just toughen up already and let go? Please send me your kind words and therapeutic advice. Thank you! Blessings!

So I’ve had one thing I’ve been having obsessive intrusive thoughts over this past month at this point… I’m a little bit triggered I can’t lie. The dream pretty exactly captured my anxiety, and this feels like a point of no return for me. I’m so scared thinking, “What if I secretly enjoyed the dream?”, “What if I got an erection from the dream?”… It’s questions like these that have got me frozen… I’m scared to go to sleep sometime as I am so terrified of my dreams. I remember I felt anxious in the dream, but it’s still weird I dreamt about this. Do I have to change my life after this? Do I have to divorce my wife over this? What happens to me now…

Hi! I don’t even know what I’m trying to get from this, I think I just need to get it out of my system around people who know what OCD feels like. I have a partner which I love a lot, I feel like we have a great, healthy relationship, we communicate a lot. She never got to know me at my really ill or ,lowest points‘ with OCD. I’ve been relatively stable for some time, but I have this big fear of getting bad again, making her feel bad, having breakdowns in front of her and now tonight I had a panic attack because I kept spiralling. (Intrusive thoughts about how I might be manipulating her, might be bad for her) It’s like I start feeling bad and then I try to force my way out of it but I can’t, and instead I panic and start rambling and scaring myself because I sound incoherent or stumble upon my words, and then I panic that I’m disturbing her and/or losing my mind and destroying our relationship by exposing her to this part of me. I feel like rationally I know I don’t have to freak out but there’s still this terrified little child inside of me that will completely panic and hate myself in these moments. I guess I just would like for someone to say they understand what this feels like or that they’ve been through something similar. I just feel like I desperately want to say the right thing, and not behave like the weirdest person ever, but the more I want that, the more I freak out. Aaah. I don’t want to go back to this mess. And I don’t want to drag her into it. Right now I wish I could just erase the past hour and apologize in the right, correct way, as to soothe her and redo everything weird I said - but I know that’s just my need to control everything aka my compulsions nagging at me :(