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nothing feels real right now? and i’m not anxious when the intrusive thoughts come. does this mean i am okay with them? or i agree with them? it feels like im changing.. i don’t want this

I’m thinking thoughts 24/7, from wake to sleep, everyday, every moment. I don’t even get a one second break. It’s exhausting. What do I do? Is this normal? I want to be able to get out of my own head. I analyze and have thoughts about every action/event, every person, and every thought. And unfortunately there’s a set of traumas my brain makes me think about tons of times everyday. The only time I can stop thinking is when I’m super drunk (don’t worry, I’ve made sure to only do this like once or twice a month.) I’m not interested in trying medication, I’ve been on meds a few times and they never helped. Any advice?

Hey everyone! This post is lengthy, but I’m hoping some of you will indulge me! **Trigger warning because I’m unsure what condones one, and I go into detail with particular intrusive thoughts I have. None are graphic, but they’re descriptions of bad thoughts nonetheless. I’m completely new here, and haven’t been clinically diagnosed with OCD, nor have I even went to any sort of doctor because of it. I haven’t even looked into it as a prospect for my tendencies until around a year ago. Ever since delving deeper beyond the surface level knowledge of OCD, I feel like it explains all of my experiences. But, I’d like those who truly live with the disorder and professionals to tell me if this is something I should continue to pursue. Thank you all so much. ❤️ Some of what I experience: I often feel like if I don’t wear a certain outfit, don’t do something within x amount of seconds, or don’t triple check that my turned-off phone is recording me, etc. that my mom will stop loving me, my animals will get hurt, someone will be sent a bad recording of me talking, etc. I am fully aware that all of these things have zero true effect, but if I don’t comply with them, I start buzzing with anxiety. I’ve worn the same too-thoroughly-loved scrunchie on my wrist for almost 5 years because I feel unlovable to my family without it. For example: Earlier today, I was worried my very poor quality house camera caught me cursing, that my mom had watched the footage, and was absolutely furious with me UNLESS I pulled out my phone in the middle of a strict no-phones class and texted her a funny message. I knew she was driving when it was recorded, was busy at work, and overall, NEVER checked it unless it was someone outside our family. Nevertheless, I was almost sick with worry, and couldn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the period or focus, until I was able to pull out my phone. This worry, despite having indulged myself and received a positive response from my mother, stuck with me all throughout the day and completely killed my mood until I actually saw my mom was fine a few hours later. As for thoughts, I feel like I’ve experienced intrusive thoughts very frequently and for a very long time. I remember being kept awake as a kid with horrific “daydreams” of getting hurt with knives, hurting my dogs, etc. Everytime I’ve felt upset, nauseous, and worried that I was actually crazy for thinking these things. I recall once, at around age 6-7, absolutely breaking down sobbing because I was too scared to die, my parents were going to die, and my little sister was going to die without all three of us there. As I’ve gotten older, they’ve just progressed. Everytime I drive, I feel like there is always at least one thought of me swerving off the road, speeding up to rear-end someone, or just take my hands completely off the wheel. These things really freak me out, and have brought me to tears when I get lost in them. They have never once actually affected my driving, I always remain in control, but they deeply upset me. I think of teachers that I really enjoy hurting me and other students, even though the thought is sickening and absolutely impossible. I feel like a twisted person for it crossing my mind, and like it’s some Freudian evil within me, no matter how much I know it upsets me and how adverse I am to the mere prospect. My mind conjures up the literal worst, and it can easily kill my mood no matter how much fun or how happy I am at the moment, nor how fleeting. Sometimes, they get so terrible I’m unable to move on with my life until I do some strange mental exercise of me “throwing the thought into oblivion and burning it.” I have been riddled with nonsense guilt my entire life, and it’s so exhausting and depressing to carry. I know intrusive thoughts are intrusive, and I know so much of the habits I have affect nothing, but when these things cross my mind unprompted and I literally cannot help putting on a scrunchie that I think is so so ugly, I feel trapped and disgusting. Right now, I’m just looking to see if this is actually anything since I’ve been convinced all of this is just normal, until I once spoke casually of it with a friend who couldn’t relate at all. Thank you anyone and everyone who read this, and is trying to help steer me the right way. I appreciate it more than words!! ❤️🫶

Guys im so embarassed. And OCD makes it so much worse because it's giving me chronic guilt. I was at work and I made a joke about unaliving myself with a friend like really loud and I feel really guilty because it just kinda came out. My friends were laughing but I realize by some ppls reactions that mightve not been appropriate. I wasn't serious but I do make those jokes often with friends (unfortunate habit I've picked up due to my own s*icidality). My guilt is killing me and I have a strong urge to apologize to my coworkers. Should I or is it a compulsion and I should just leave it alone??

Hi NOCD! I've been working with a therapist through NOCD for a while, and have decided to post this to see if we can all help each other a little 😊. When your OCD gets really loud, but you no longer feel the urge to do a compulsion, but you're still left with that feeling of panic and distress, what do you do?

My girlfriend and I have been together for a long time and in the beginning my OCD was under control. Recently it’s been getting worse and worse and it has something new to hold on to. It holds on to her and being the best that I can be for her. And I never want to hurt her feelings and even when I don’t OCD tells me that maybe there is some way I messed up and eventually enough will be enough and I’ll lose the love of my life. She’s patient and understands OCD, can anyone tell me if they’ve had a similar experience and if they have been able to break the cycle?

Saw some messed up stuff scrolling on twitter and it’s making my ocd spiral im so scared so I deleted the app for my own well being

I just started Sertraline 25mg and some days I feel fine, like I’m actually making progress and then all of a sudden I feel intense anxiety , and it makes my obsessions intense. I’m on day 12 of my medication. Does it get better ?

How do you guys cope with taboo thoughts and not feel guilty especially when it attacks the people you love so much and you know a million percent that isn’t you. So why is this happening to me I’ve been through so much in my life and I can’t do with this. When I was younger I was molested and rape and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone so why does my mind do this to me please be kind as I don’t know how much longer I can take this

I've been working hard on managing my thoughts all week. It feels like each day i got weaker and weaker. To the point where I had to do the obsession. This is a frustrating cycle. I'm having one of those days where I would rather die.

[F20] As early as sixth grade, I've displayed symptoms of health anxiety/OCD. Every holiday breaks, when my mind isn't constantly stimulated and I'm stuck in the house, I find myself constantly fixated on a health issue. From heart failure, brain tumor, ALS, leukemia, everything. However, when school resumes and I'm once again occupied with academics, I don't fixate anymore (or at least very little only). But this year was different. We're barely eight weeks in 2024 but I've had multiple themes from schizophrenia trigerred by a Reddit post, cryptic pregnancy (btw im a virgin) trigerred by a delayed period, tetanus trigerred by doing my nails and once again, schizophrenia. During these times, I literally experience physical symptoms such as nausea & puking related to pregnancy, and jaw pain related to tetanus. But then, right now, I'm fixating on the thought that I may be developing schizophrenia. Two weeks ago, I was laying in bed when I think I saw a rat climbing on my bed side. I got spooked and when I was about to shoo it away, it's nowhere to be found. Less than 5 seconds in, my first thought was that was a hallucination. Decided to not dwell again on it until a similar thing happened days later. I was lying down in same position, when I thought I saw an ant in my bedside again. Memories of what happened prior flash back, and when I was about to look for it, it was genuinely gone. I was on the verge of a panic attack. I told my boyfriend about this but he said that it might really be difficult to look for that ant as my room was dark with only my night light on. Days later, it turned out there was a rat that my mom was trying to catch around the house and dead ants outside my room as my mom just sprayed on them. But I was still scared. Genuinely scared. Weeks have passed and I cant seem to shake the thought that I may be developing schizophrenia. In fact, it manifested to more visual pseudohallucinations. For example, I kept on mistaking things on my peripheral as bugs (as I read they're a common hallucination among people w schz). I've got intense eye floaters. Tiny movement from my peripheral, and my brain will try to perceive what is it and think that I'm hallucinating. I thought of my clothes hung at my door as a person. Tiny speck of dirt, I'd immediately think of as ants. In fact, I thought I saw a human shadow on our television turned out that it was the details of our door. For weeks, I've also been reading about this disorder and I think I've been manifesting their symptoms, policing my thought process, and reviewing my behavior. I've read that schz diagnozed are paranoid about stuff like being followed and watched, and all of a sudden, I'm thinking "What if I get those delusions?", "What if I'm being watched?" — and there goes that tiring cycle of overthinking. I've also noticed that most of them report of audio hallucination, and I just legit manifested it! I thought I heard my mom calling me from the living room! Oh my God. I've also been trying to contradict some symptoms. For example, I try to be expressive on my facial expressions as I read those diagnosed struggle with it. I've been tidying my space a lot lately as most schz patients often oversee them. I also been meticulous with my hygiene. I try to stay positive, and go out of the house, go to the gym, as diagnosed ppl often struggle with them. I continued doing some academic works since I'm on break, to see if I still have the same mental capacity. For the record, I'm an active student in our uni org, a dean's lister, and serves in my church. I'm in my final year of uni and the leader of my thesis group. To be honest, I'm scared. We're poor. We can barely afford treatment. I don't want this life. I'm only 20 — the prime years of my life. I've so much dreams. I want to have a job, move to an apartment in the city, hike mountains, ride a roller coaster, see my nieces and nephew grow up, surprise my parents with a trip to Italy, watch my friends succeed, see the world. I've only just experienced falling in love and to love. I hope to grow old, to love and be loved. And as I ponder on my current state, this is not the life that I want to lead. I don't to be my mind's own prisoner. I'm scared. And tired.

I just ended up confessing one of my real events to my girlfriend. I know I shouldn’t have (I haven’t confessed in so long 🥲) but today I finally failed. She literally laughed at it and thought it was funny. Even though I’ve been doomscrolling and in a state of terror all day. I know what I did wasn’t good, but her reaction kind of eased my anxiety. Classic mistake though, because now my brain is saying “You were finally allowed to confess something and you chose THAT instead of this much bigger thing?” I can literally feel my brain scanning for which of my reoccurring events to latch onto now :) Love this life. So fun.

hello all im a male 26 kinda new to dealing with this. for as long as i can remember i used to really stress out about my health and if i was ever sick i would assume the worst ang google symptoms of everything multiple times a day. i was extremely afraid of throwing up as a kid which i think plays a roll in ocd recently i watched a tv show that affected my overthinking and cause me to spiral out. thats when the SOOCD started to happen, growing up i always was with women and dated women and still dating women i never had these thoughts until 6 months ago i now feel uncomfortable around other men, i dont like to make eye contact and im always checking for a groinal response or sensation in my body when i watch tv or out in public. its affecting my daily life and i dont know where it all came from. i get intrusive thought daily could be a made up situation or a image of something i saw on the internet.

I have only had this happen twice in all of my years dealing with ocd. Recently I woke up during the night to change positions and as soon as I did, an intrusive thought hit me so hard and so strong. It felt so real. I was really scared and really upset. I laid down and went back to sleep really upset. I eventually got past it. I always immediately tell the ocd “ that’s not true” whenever I get an intrusive thought. My ocd randomly brought it back up again and is telling me that I didn’t deny the ocd that night and that it means the intrusive thought is true. I don’t remember because some time has passed but I am sure I denied it because I always instantly do. We’re not supposed to but I feel I have to. I keep telling myself that I must have but even if I didn’t, going back to sleep and ignoring it is also denying it, right?

Should you let them share their ruminations and intrusive thoughts with you? How do you listen but not reassure them?

I never thought I’d get to this point but generally I would say I’m about 80% recovered from OCD. Which is amazing!! But every time of the month I get really bad intrusive thoughts and it all just feels so real again. Any tips on how to deal with OCD around your period - due to all the hormones and emotions it just makes me feel hopeless again, like every month I’m going to have a huge setback… makes me feel like I won’t ever 100% feel like myself again :(

My mind is constantly telling me that im lying to myself just to hide the truth but how can i know if thats the case like and the false attraction is really messing me up .When i try to pursue a girl i find pretty my brain tells me ur only doing it because you’re hiding the truth and some bs like that.

so i have a specific fear. i read a verse in the bible. i say to myself “this verse must mean this” (affirming my fear). is it possible that i’m just willing my fear into existence/ giving a meaning to a verse that is actually unrelated to the real meaning whatsoever? i can’t tell. this might be a stupid question, but ocd really does cloud your reality.

I feel extremely guilty. I had a dream in which I was knowingly thinking suggestive, obscene things about my partner. I told myself in my dream, "I shouldn't think about such things," but I kept thinking and woke up. The worst part was that I was enjoying it and i felt semi-sober. What if I thought these thoughts on purpose, aware? I feel like I have greatly disrespected my partner. I feel like an incredibly dirty, extremely perverted person. I think it's best not to love my partner. I harm him even with my thoughts. I feel very disgusted from myself. And I feel like I've broken my oath to God, "I will not knowingly think obscene things." But I felt like i was half aware and i was controlling these thoughts. That happened me once and its happening again. I feel so dirty and guilty because i seemd like i was enjoying these thoughts. What if I had always enjoyed these thoughts? I used to say I was a disgusting person. I wouldn't hesitate to think dirty things about my partner. I feel so so guilty and disgusting. I don't deserve to love my partner. I feel horrible. Let me put a note here: As someone else said before, I'm not hostile towards myself. I just don't like obscene things. I know that I cannot 100% erase the sexual feeling from myself. But when I have a dirty thought about my partner, I feel like I'm just using him for sex and I'm afraid my love will turn into pleasure and lust. Etc. So it can be normal for you but for me, i don't like these things. So please don't force me to accept your opinion.

Are intrusive thoughts hidden desires of our uncounscious mind? I think I know the answer to this. Learning abt Freud at school messed me up a little