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How am I suppose to get better when OCD makes me doubt if I want to get better 😭. It feels like I just want to live in my OCD thoughts. It’s so scary!

How were you able to finally take the risk that you could be a horrible human being or could have done horrible things? How were you able to do it? That’s where I am struggling. I totally get the concept of a thought is a thought and it’s not dangerous. But if what I fear is true, it would be horrendous and I’m so scared to let go. I’m so scared to take the chance that I could be a monster. So if you have any advice for how you were able to let go and take the risk, I would love to hear it. Each time I try, I just get more scared and revert back.

How to do this when others trigger you too cause they tell you it'a true. I know some will say here too that it's true... I don't take meds now, cause i want full recovery and that requires to live without meds, i said before that now im om a setback and my mind wants to make me believe its because i dont take meds and it constantls says that i didnt felt this when i took meds, and i know this is anxiety and going back to meds would be a compulsion. I remember i didnt felt good while i was taking meds either i jist didnt had this fear(ofcourse cause i took meds and i was atleast im on meds) but now my mind triggers me like im on danger i should go back taking meds to feel alright again(basic anxiety). Its hard cause i told this many times here and people just streghten my fear cause they tell me "yeah its because of that, go back to your doctor and take meds again, or ask your doctor" guys they will not say "keep it up, you can do it" its their job to prescribe medicine...they will never encourage you to do it without meds... So how to show my brain that its not because i dont take meds, i had feelings like this while i was taking it, ans no mather what others say, i know its not bc of meds? I can say this but the thought just gets stronger... everytime i experience a negative emotion the thought comes back and says "i will be back where i was before i took meds" and it scares me

Truthfully i am just so exhausted from being obsessed with how I affect others in my life. I am constantly questioning if I make their lives better or worse and why. I'm an extrovert and if it seems like I'm positively affecting people when I socialize, I feel on top of the world. But when I can't improve someone's mood when I talk to them I feel depressed and drained. I have this belief that I am intrinsically awful and harmful to be around and I have to be extra helpful and cheerful to make up for it. I think about the problems that everyone in my life struggles with and convince myself that I am the cause of it or making them worse. I isolate, believing I am harmful to others and I am sparing them. When they feel neglected, I panic because I caused them harm when I was trying to save them. I don't want to live like this anymore. In some ways it was easier when I was alone. I just can't stop obsessing about my loved ones in this way. I almost begin to crave abandonment because at least the thoughts would stop coming. Does that make me a bad person? I don't really actually want to be abandoned by my loved ones, but at least I know how to handle abandonment. I don't know how to handle normal loving relationships.

my mind keeps saying i was cheating and i just need help. a while ago me and my partner went on a break because i was unsure of my feelings. i saw this guy at lunch that was alone and i thought was cute and i thought i had feelings. me and my friends invited him over and we all became friends. i realized later i didn’t have feelings for him and i did truly have feelings for my partner. i never flirted with this guy, the only thing i ever said was i didn’t have anyone to go to hoco with meaning i wanted to go with everyone in that group- including him. that part makes me feel so gross and like i did something wrong. i can’t tell if what is true because my mind can’t remember- it mix’s up the story to think i wanted to go hang out with him at hoco with everyone. did i wanna be with him? i don’t think so because i obvi realized i didn’t have feelings but idk what’s true from the past. what if i did?? me and my partner are together again obvi and i cannot be around him without these thoughts of wanting to “confess”. i’m still friends with that dude and i no longer think he is that cute tbh and i figured out i didn’t have feelings for him. help??

Here's my story, I'm just your typical 33 year old, going through life, started feeling depressive/anxiety symptoms starting about 29.5. Benefitted from CBT immensely. I am also avid podcast listener and did a lot of diligent work on this path to self discovery, overcoming my people pleasing, learning to set boundaries, saying guilt free nos', standing up for myself without it wrecking me after, so on. My symptoms on most days are non existent, just the usual stuff, the seasonal depressions, and so on. The only thing I haven't fully mastered/managed/learned to manage has been my somatic symptoms. I get hyper aware of some sensation, or symptom, try to ignore it, goes away on its own, the mental triggers, I got that down, ignore/observe/let it fade away. Few years ago, I developed somatic breathing, where I suddenly become aware of my breathing, or feeling like there isn't enough of it, this started post pandemic. Think it had to do with a lot of anxiety, not having seen my family in years, so on. There was also some swallowing related somatic feelings too, I used to check my O2 sat. That was probably the trigger. It went away over the course of the years and became manageable and even one I totally overcame. Recently, I've been feeling kinda stuck, wanting some change, feeling like there is a permenence to the impermanence, coupled with a rather depressing and low sunlight winter, I am going through a bout of seasonal depression. My darling body and mind are taking care of me, being over protective, etc etc. Few weeks ago, I had a near fainting episode, with the trigger being fear itself. Coupled with dehydration, some exertion by taking too many stairs, I even remembered thinking, oh this is happening, it was brief, and I went to the ER, they were amazing, took so much care of me, did all kinds of tests, and determined that I was all good, just an unfortunate incident. Now my depression is making me not feel motivated to workout or anything, but I am high functioning and I get through it without much of a change in how I show up in the world. I was able to invariably conclude that the trigger was fear itself. And I recently heard a podcast where the doctor/speaker mentioned that for somatic symptoms, the distraction on onset of symptoms itself is the trigger. Much like when we shine a light on a strange thought. Although it's only been a week and a half. I'm already mostly back to normal, and grateful for all the support and kindness I've found during this time from family, friends, and the amazing doctors. Here is my little insight: there is a catch 22 about somatoform, the fear of the fear or fear of reoccurrence, or reading about the symptoms, even to educate yourself, are triggering. Much alike pure o. My only suggestion, compassion to yourself, and do your exposures when you are ready, don't rush. Love and wellbeing to you all.

Does anyone else have mental rituals to check whether your friends still have u on social media and if they don’t then they hate you? I have to check multiple times a day that they still follow me , even people I haven’t spoke to in years . Today one unadded me from a private story even though I haven’t spoke in over 2 years but now it’s triggered me and made me feel like they hate me and I’ve done something wrong. Could anyone offer advice on how to feel in a situation like this. Like should I be panicked and concerned? Thanks

A big worry for me is that the thoughts are 24-7, no matter what I’m doing. Sometimes the thoughts are more in the background and sometimes really noisy, but they are always there. I worry that because the thoughts are constant it means they aren’t OCD as i read a lot about thoughts coming and going. They also keep evolving, it’s like when I get more used to one lot of thoughts, new ones come to create more anxiety and that feeds another thought and another thought. Anyone relate? I’m exhausted and broken.

but does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts and false memories get worse during the night or like as soon as the sun sets? it’s gotten to a point now where i dread the sun setting because ik it’s gonna be worse. i don’t know if this has anything to do with ocd??

Waking up “normal” or without anxiety is always the scariest. I’ve become so used to fighting, maybe the Sertraline is starting to kick in or I’m tired. I’m looking for the feelings of disgust or fear, I guess they were my compulsions. Is this the backdoor spike? Is this what recovery looks like? The days vary, yesterday I felt a tightness in my chest and started crying in a public place saying my usual compulsion “I want to be with a man” over and over. Wondering if I’ll live with this theme forever and be able to get married and have a family with a man like I always wanted. I’ve been able to live a semi-normal life even before or after my diagnosis after the episodes but being in the thick of it feels impossible. The thoughts and images along with compulsions play on loop 24/7. When I’m awake, when I’m asleep. Trying to remember what it was like to dream and go on with my day. No matter how much reassurance or articles, it’s not enough. I hate how OCD doesn’t respond to logic. Trying my best to live the life I lived before even when OCD screams at me that I’m lying and in denial. I’ve gone through this theme a few times, but each time feels like I’m experiencing it the first time.

so my teacher was talking about some sad stuff and my mind kinda said to me did you want to laugh? and now im scared that im a bad person and i think i wanted to laugh

I wish I didn’t have this disorder it lost the will to live I don’t want to do it anymore my life is too hard to fix

So like all of you guys, I get intrusive thoughts. I’ve gotten them to a point where they aren’t super debilitating but they still occur. The thing is, I don’t ever want to tell a partner about these thoughts as I don’t even want them myself. However, A part of me feels wrong for not telling them. I fear they may judge me or not want to be with me if they knew as they are sexual and inappropriate although they aren’t pedephellic. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation.

anyone else obsess over like every thought they have especially bad thoughts? i can think something and it’ll be the only thing i’ll think of. talked about something once? i need to keep talking about it. LIKEEE idk how to explain it, it’s jus like every thought i have i become so obsessive of it especially if it upsets me. let me know what helps

OCD is so much more than what we see in the media. It goes beyond visible compulsions, and it can sometimes feel like OCD is hijacking your entire life. Here are some common struggles those with OCD often experience but might not talk about. Which of these has impacted you? What else would you add?

constantly dismissing my compulsive intrusive thoughts has caused me to experience really bad short term memory loss. i can't keep up a conversation without my brain asking what just happened every minute like i'll be talking to someone and suddenly i'll forget the context of what theyre saying and i feel silly asking for clarification. along with that, hearing the same horrible intrusive thoughts everyday has caused me to subconsciously believe them and i can't have that i won't so ya pls help

How do you know if a thought/feeling or idea is unwanted??? I didn’t WANT to have OCD but I do. What if I am the thing I fear and it is unwanted but it’s just who I am? How can I accept that when it would completely destroy everything and the relationships in my life? I don’t know how one can be expected to accept something like that. When in any other conversation besides and OCD conversation it would make you a pariah. So how do you know a thought/ feeling/ idea is truly unwanted?

I just got out of therapy a little over an hour ago and it was exhausting. I talked about intrusive thoughts that are so dark and unforgiving that I've never shared them with anyone before. Now I'm feeling lightheaded and almost in shock that I said them out loud to someone. Thoughts that sound (to me) psychopathic. I legit feared making my therapist believe I'm a danger to myself or others by being so honest about the way the thoughts make me feel Now I'm feeling the same way I've only felt once before, shortly after learning that I have OCD: I'm painfully aware that I have OCD and it scares me that I'm always going to have it. It feels like I woke up from a bad dream only to realize reality's even worse I hate the way OCD affects my thinking. And I hate that I can get so used to the thought patterns that I essentially forget that I have OCD. Reminders like this almost allow me to see my OCD as external to me and I'm repulsed by it

when did ocd start for everyone? i remember having some small like perfection things like if i didn’t close my eyes and fall asleep at a certain number then i would die. but at age 12 hocd started and i got groinal repsonsss,guilt,everything. it slowed down then in august picked up at full speed and its awful.

therapy isn’t super accessible to me rn and i’m wanting to start practicing erp on my own the best i can. how can i start?