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why does calling intrusive thoughts “unwanted desires” make me feel better?? i think it’s cause sometimes the thoughts feel wanted even tho i still get distress and know they don’t feel like who i am

( I can’t tell if this is triggering or not so just in case I will be mentioning antidepressants) Recently Camhs have decided it was best for me to go off of sertraline and I was on maximum dose to switch to a different medication as sertraline was not helping. I recently however decided that I didn’t really want to live on medication for the rest of my life and didn’t want to have to deal w all the side effects again. Now I’m medication free (well I will 100% be in a few days I’m on my last dose before being completely taken off) but my anxiety is through the roof, my ocd has taken an awful turn, and my brain is so immensely foggy not to mention I’ve been suffering from derealisation. Has anyone been taken off of sertraline before? I really just wanna know how long will these symptoms last because it’s really very tiring I’ve been on sertraline for two years so it was expected but damn this is quite scary!!

I am getting my Ph.D., and am wondering if I should tell my dissertation chair about my OCD?? He probably thinks I’m just annoyingly anxious but I feel like he should know, given he’s my chair and we will work together for the next three years (have already for a year). Yeah?

I should start by saying, I have Pure- O OCD that for years was just centered on religious and harm themes. I went to a therapist who told me to remember that I am not my thoughts. So once I realized that, I felt much better. I told myself, these thoughts have no meaning. I moved on with life, if I had a thought that seemed illogical to me I'd just say, it's not worth worrying about. Or if I felt a great amount of stress I'd just try to think of the things that are important to me and make me happy i.e. nostalgic memories, my family etc. And almost always, this helped me a great deal. To thr point where the past 2 years these have been my coping mechanisms and I've made it to the Dean's list at college, I've been almost always happy and relatively low stress. But since I tried to focus on what made me happy when I had an intrusive thought, is that not technically a compulsion? And what about the reassurance things. For example if I thought absurdly negative thoughts I'd tell myself "I have my family who loves me and I know they would help me get by" and then the thoughts wouldn't really bother me. If they came back I'd just say to myself "Oh, that's illogical to worry about" and move on. But I've read that when you have OCD, ANY attempt to relieve anxiety is a compulsion and compulsions are negative reinforcement. So now my mind will tell me whenever I watch a youtuber I always liked that I can't feel happy because that's a compulsion etc. Whenever I feel comforted or at peace it tells me that that's a compulsion. Before, I would say "What that's absurd" and then not care about the thought anymore. But yeah, if I do these so called mental compulsions then my life is great truly, as I explained before, for years it was great. But once I stop then it's been literal misery and constant anxiety because my ocd will barely let me feel positive emotions then. And it's getting harder to go back to before since now I have doubts about it since I read that article. The only time when I can ignore that stuff basically completely and do my so called compulsions is at night, I know how important sleep is so I just listen to my favorite youtuber, don't care about the other thoughts and get sleepy and almost always sleep a good 7-8 hours. I'm just wondering if what I've been doing for years is bad, or if there's some good to it? What advice would you guys give/what should I change? Thank you and have a great day!

One thing that I’ve noticed about my OCD is that it makes me feel very regretful and embarrassed at the end of every day. I reflect on every interaction and every conversation and any thought that I’ve had throughout the day. As a result, I feel more and more ashamed of the way that I act, even though it is probably normal for some of my age to act and see the things that I say. Earlier today I flirted with a guy and then as soon as it ended I had so much religious and moral guilt about it. Does anyone have any advice on how to not feel so ashamed after doing the typical activities that people in their 20s do? I feel like these thoughts are making me want to isolate from everyone else so that I’m not put in the position to do and say these things. I feel comfortable with myself when I don’t talk to anybody but I’m noticing that that can’t be normal . I don’t want to lose friendships and potential relationships out of fear that I’m going to say something wrong. I don’t know what to do.

So its been almost a day and I just feel a little bit better but i still feel like this is not ocd, and i cant move on and forget the thing i was thinking about yesterday. I feel shame to move on and scared cause i feel like if i dont do something about this, this will come back in the future. I will hear people talk about their struggle with suicidal ideation and i will see myself in that. I started to read about Socd, i wanted to see others if they have the same feelings as me cause its annoying that people with socd feel just afraid. What i felt is so similar what people with suicidal ideation go through. Mine its not just what if thoughts. Its hard to see if i want it or not, cause right now i can say no i dont want but when it feels real, i cant decide cause i have that feeling that i dont want to live my life like this, suffering. I get really angry when things still feel bad and dont change, and because of anger i vent it out like i let this feeling of i dont want to live like this be fully there, but because of anger it feels so real, and i cant find anyone who relates to this and it sounds similar to ideation and thats why i dont feel good. I dont want to accept that its real suicidal ideation, that im thinking about suicide. I dont want to accept that. Yet i dont find anyone relating to me and experiencing it this bad. I really try to see the pattern and see what it is but when i feel like its ideation i just lose control and get emtional. I said before, i dont want to die. But in that moment when its really hard, i dont like something or i feel dissapointed and angry i feel like this is not how i want to live. And the thoughts gets real, the anger and sadness gets stronger, i feel sandess and that this is unfair and when it gets too much i vent out like yeah this is what i want. Then i feel bad and guilt, shame and im worrying that im suicidal. This is whats happening now. I think this is the best way i can describe it. If you want to help me with the "please contact a doctor or keep yourself safe, have a safety plan" dont write it cause i view these as compulsions. I talked with many doctors. I understand if its ocd this is another compulsion seeking post, but when you cant relate to anyones ocd cycle its okay to ask if others can relate to you. Cause if noone can then maybe its not ocd. And now i see it like noone actually relates with me.

Hello Does anyone else feel agitated when your thoughts become obsessive and what have you found that really helps. When my brain gets stuck on an obsession I find I get agitated because I can’t make the obsession stop and it’s worse when I’m obsessed about people particularly just one person.

I’m proud of myself tho it’s been making me anxious today. Last night I watched this movie called “Bronx Tale” with my bf (good movie actually I’m not usually into old movies but it’s been re-enhanced) anyway, there was this scene where two gorgeous woman walked past this group of Italian guys and they were obviously whistling at them etc. Now my ocd is sexual themed and has prevented me from doing so much. One thing I do as a compulsion is try to just focus so hard on the persons face and the second I look anywhere else ocd convinced me I’m “checking them out” or something along those lines. Before ocd I never used to worry about where I was looking, and was able to look at a whole person (body and face) and know I wasn’t being inappropriate towards my partner. I’m trying to learn there is a difference between looking at someone and checking someone out! So my exposure was to try and look at their outfit, their face & their body (not in a sexual way at all) but just trying to be normal somewhat, I still struggled to do that the whole movie pretty much but it was a tiny exposure that did help. I want to get to a point where I’m okay with seeing someone’s face and body and knowing I’m not being a pervert, knowing I can appreciate the fact someone is beautiful or attractive and knowing I’m not sexualising that person or “checking them out” as ocd always says I do. I never had thoughts like that before ocd (just saying)… I know this may not seem big but this was huge for me! Being able to even comment to my partner about the fact that they were beautiful and had nice bodies - and he didn’t even bat an eye when I said that. That was a huge step for me… I know I still have so much ERP to do, and I always put it off because I’m scared, but even for me to watch a movie that anything could have popped up - I still was able to enjoy a movie with my partner and also do a little exposure which will eventually get me back to how I used to be… I’m slowly learning there’s a difference between just appreciating that someone is good looking with no intent behind it - to actually being a pervert and checking someone out. Wanted to share my ERP experience with people who get how hard it is.

Hello wonderful people! I am noticing that my intrusive thoughts come mostly at night while I'm drifting off to sleep - and they come in phrases sentences or words relating to my fears. Doesn't happen during the day for me! Does anyone else relate to this?

my ocd lately is convincing me that I'm agreeing with my intrusive thoughts when I'm avoiding mental compulsions, it's hard to explain but it's giving me the gut feeling that I'm agreeing and letting my worst fears happen.. it's literal hell in my head

It’s been two days since I ended up not going to check in my fridge to see if I did lock a stray kitten inside of it, if there was indeed one, it’s most likely dead by now, and I’ll never know if there was one because it’s possible my parents who also use the fridge have seen and removed it, though they might not have seen it because they are quite careless, or found one but didn’t tell me because they now about my mental illness and don’t want to hurt my feelings. I’m still not sure it was the right decision, I could’ve taken 15 mintues to thouroughly check the fridge one last time. I feel like shit...

My problem with OCD/ERP is that it’s very situational and hard to trigger. So it’s hard to create exposures. My trigger is job offers. I obsess obsess obsess about them if they don’t feel just right, ask for lore time, call everyone I know, do obsessive Research, lose all perspective, and then either accept or reject the at the last minute without much confidence. Then my brain tells me I made the wrong choice, and my compulsion is to prolong the decision-making process by undoing and redoing the decision (“I accept! [2 hours later] Actually, I don’t want the job. Oh just kidding, I do! Oh wait, I don’t.”) How the fuck do I do ERP for this?! It’s not like germ phobia where exposure to the trigger is easy (there are germs everywhere). Job offers, real ones, don’t come around often (thank goodness) but when they do it is hell. This used to happen with smaller decisions but thank god that seems to be less so now

Can anyone give me tips on how when I have an intrusive thought that doesn’t mean I did it. Like I’ll have a thought of something then my head will tell me that I did this .. anybody else deal with this

Has anyone on here recovered from POCD and willing to share any helpful tips. I’m sick and tired of worrying about this I just want it to stop. And my therapist says I just need to accept the presence of the thoughts but before I had POCD I don’t remember ever having thoughts/urges/feelings like this. I’m terrified of myself and I don’t trust myself or anything that my brain says. And when people say oh you need to just carry on with your values ? What if my values aren’t even my values ?? I’m not even sure what my values are anymore and who I am as a person. It’s so scary. I feel like I’m actually just a terrible person capable of horrible things. All I wanted since I was young was to be a stay at home mum and have my own family but that’s never going to happen now coz I honestly don’t know what happened to me. I miss my old self so much I grieve her everyday. Idek who I am anymore

I’m constantly having groinal response to thoughts and people I don’t want to have them to. Does anybody else hold them in if that makes sense? I find that makes it worse and cause an arousal feeling and I absolutely hate it, don’t know what to do.

i've done a few posts today and not got any help, i really need some help i'm in desperate need i'm struggling the what if thoughts with the fear they're true and have already happened from a past event i think i've thought it through so much i've convinced myself it's true i really need some help just to be pointed in the right direction 😣😢

To start off, yes I have a therapist, yes I have a psychiatrist and so far I am only diagnosed with ptsd, ocd, gad, hypochondriasis, and panic disorder. So for the past 5 months I’ve been dealing with a terrible ocd/hypochondria theme where I have COMPLETELY convinced myself I am in the beginning stages of schizophrenia or some other related horrific psychotic disorder. Ive read way too much on common delusions, symptoms, hallucinations, personal stories, Reddit stories etc. Anyway, for some reason my ocd has really latched on to the common symptom schizophrenics have which are religious delusions, at least I hope it’s just my ocd and not actually schizophrenia. Everyday I get these terrible existential/demonic “delusional thoughts”. Like “what if my wife is a demon” “what if my cat is a demon” “this song has demonic energy” “the face that person made was demonic” “this house has negative demonic energy” “what if you are possessed” “what if these ugly brown mushrooms growing in your yard are a sign of demonic energy”, shit like that. Literally everything I look at now has some sort of “negative energy” or feels eerie or “demonic”, everything I look at always has to have some sort of malicious intent or negative undertone, I can’t watch anything on YouTube anymore, I can’t listen to my favorite bands anymore like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden etc, these thoughts have made me become so avoidant of dark things and even normal light hearted things! Now first off, I am a literal atheist, I am a complete skeptic, I have never ever been superstitious. I was a huge Marilyn Manson fan in my teens, I’m a horror movie junkie( or at least I used to be before this theme took over), i literally have shirts with pentagrams and upside down crosses etc. why has my ocd suddenly branched off into this religious ocd/delusional thinking? Is this maybe a dp/dr thing too? It literally feels like I am in a horror movie, when I’m really REALLY spiraling and ruminating hard, it feels like I’m in another world filled with pure DREAD and horror.I know for sure that every single one of these thoughts and feelings are untrue and very unlikely when I’m not as panicked but when I’m in deep rumination/obsession it seriously makes me question what I believe. I do not believe any of these thoughts at all when I’m calm! Yet the fear they create and the vibes that accompany them make it feel real. When I’m in full blown panic and start to spiral really bad sometimes I feel like I almost believe these thoughts, and feel paranoid almost, when the anxiety and fear passes though I can have a brief moment of clarity where I can laugh these thoughts off and almost be myself again, but it’s very short lived before these thoughts start creeping back up. The content of the thoughts is scaring me but the fact that I’m even having these types of thoughts and fears in the first place is scaring me even more because it is reinforcing my fears that I am becoming schizophrenic/psychotic. Why have I suddenly become like this? I can’t enjoy anything anymore without getting these awful awful thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

It’s been a week since I’ve been experiencing one of the worst OCD episodes I’ve had since I was 15. I did ERP therapy two years ago. I engaged in so many mental compulsions and rituals this last week. I feel calm and normal and it worries me, what if this time it’s different? How do you navigate back door spikes and give your body permission to rest? It worries me if I get out of this I will become a lesbian or bisexual. It worries that when I come back to my senses. That when I get better I will want to explore? I’m trying to be okay with the possibility, but I don’t want to. I can’t tell what’s real or fake anymore.

does anybody else hate breaks? Like christmas breaks or summer breaks? i dread them personally because I can always remember my ocd flaring up and getting the worst in this time periods.. As much as school and work can stress me out, I never have time to let my mind wander because i’m doing other things. But when breaks come around and i’m just left to my thoughts, it feels like my intrusive thoughts get worse and worse.

I already don't like this app. It has the same problem as being on the OCD subreddit or in any OCD online group. It inevitably just devolves into people doing compulsions (reassurance seeking, mainly) at each other. My unpopular opinion is that people with OCD shouldn't have support groups unless they're HEAVILY moderated by a clinician. This one clearly isn't. I scrolled for 5 min and almost every post is someone saying "I'm worried about x, do you think it's true?". That's a compulsion! This app is not facilitating ERP it's hindering it.