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How exactly do you stop ruminating? It’s my worst compulsion and it’s pretty much constant.

Today I had a session with my therapist just checking in and giving her a bit of what I’m struggling with at the moment in terms of ocd. She told me that something I had thought was completely outlandish and abhorrent was actually very common in the general population but I still continued to doubt her and she made me do an exposure on it by reading a peer reviewed article by professional psychologists and I STILL doubt it even as I’m typing this right now. The point of this post is to show you that no amount of reassurance is enough, ocd will ALWAYS doubt the answer because it wants to see you panic. I have decided that i will live uncertain. i will let my values guide me instead of my thoughts. it's scary but worth it in the end.

This morning I had the realisation I might have fallen asleep on a random stray kitten that snuck into my house, obviously I can’t find it anywhere in my house nor can I find any bodies of a dead hurt kitten anywhere home neither did my family, but each of these scenarios can be explained by either the kitten leaving my house in agony and dying outside or my family just lying about finding one as to not hurt my feeling. How does one go aout such unverifiable thoughts, how can I know I didn’t fell asleep on a kitten when I can’t really feel it on a soft bed when under me? Or that it might have jumped on my bed last second when I’m laying on it after I checked there was nothing on it? I know it’s unlikely but I can’t keep living like that... I spend several hours not sleeping yesterday night vecause I kept checking under me while in bed never being satisfied and sure I haven’t falle asleep on a cat and just forced myself to fall asleep regardless but I feel guilty now...

I have an awful confession/reassurance compulsion and I do it to my boyfriend all the time and it’s always upsetting thoughts for him and he says it’s ok and he’s fine but I’m afraid he’s gonna realize I’m a bad person or get tired of it and leave me

So I've been struggling deeply with uncomfortable intrusive sexual thoughts and it makes me feel so awful and like I'm a bad person even though I never ever want to do these things. I was doing really well recently but then at my school some stranger walked up to me and started being really creepy and making sexual comments and trying to touch me inappropriately and he was just being like really agreesive towards me. It really freaked me out and I've been feeling so dirty and gross. Apparently I found out it happened to another girl as well and now I'm worried about seeing him again or something. I guess I just feel terrible because my OCD is saying that im going to be like him or that I deserved what happened to me and it's been really difficult... I reported it and everything I just need advice on how to deal with this

I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts and groinals for over a year and a half now, and the problem has only grown worse and worse. It began with just passing thoughts, and then I started developing groinals a few months in. It is genuinely with everything I love- mostly my family, but also my dogs, the toddler I babysit- and I am suffering so so so much. Eventually, it got to the point where the thoughts didn’t just pass- they would turn into a MINDSET for me and cloud my judgement for seconds to minutes. I feel like I’m in the backseat of my mind, and whatever disgusting irrational monster exists in their is taking the wheel. This still sometimes happens to me, and after it passes I look back on it and genuinely don’t want to live because of how horrible and disgusting I feel. I’m writing this because I just had a really bad moment having to do with my sibling (although things like that happen almost every day to me). No normal human is built for this, and I genuinely can’t do this anymore. I’m not expecting anyone to do anything, as I’m already getting help, but I just needed to get this out. Also, I’m not sure if this happens to anyone else, but I’ll have the WORST and most awful intrusive moments, and then after a bit of time passes I can barely remember how I felt in that moment. It is so hard to feel okay with myself. If anyone even sees this, know that I am wishing for all your happiness and recovery.

do you hear your thoughts? are your intrusive thoughts words? it feels like I talk to myself all day fighting with my brain in my head and i’m worried.

Lately my OCD has been latching onto the fear of sleepwalking. As far as I know, I've never slept walk in my life. But it's been popping up a lot as a new fear...it's particularly distressing if I happen to have a weird or disturbing dream. I know how to handle it, accept uncertainty and all that. I'm just venting here. I hate OCD so much lol. I feel guilt today with this episode following a dream. Even though I was awoken by the dream in my bed and firmly under the covers. It seems evident it was a dream since I woke up immediately...but my brain goes "what if you actually woke up long after the dream but it just seems like you woke up immediately" I hate this disorder lol.

Is anyone else scared to recover because that could mean that it isn’t OCD? 🙃🙂🙃🙂

some of the many issues with OCD i have is having a whole routine before bed, but this routine isn't just making your bed comfy or making sure to shut the window though these two are also important, it's brushing my teeth for at least 10 minutes or i don't feel clean, making sure i've checked my wardrobe properly, make sure the draws in my bathroom are shut and i cannot physically go to sleep if i haven't slammed my door open at least 5 times. i need to do everything in patterns of five or my mind won't be comfortable. i'm very young still in school and i've told my parents about these reoccurring thoughts constantly but they don't really think it's a big deal, but it takes over my whole life and i swear by it and i just wanted to know if there is any way at all just to make the thoughts a little less overwhelming for me and not as constant, i just feel hopeless at the moment like i will never be able to stop these thoughts. thank you.

I hope this is okay to put here, I feel awful. I also feel like it doesn't belong here. I just need to get it out somewhere. So there's a huge social problem with what's called a fetishisation of mlm (gay people and relationships). It's basically where predominantly females engage in for example fiction with gay relationships. This is not necessarily bad on its own, it's when these people view the people as just objects in the relationship and it changes their view (negatively) on real mlm people. Also when women read it just for their own enjoyment of reading two men being together. So the thing is, I read lots of fiction and in fact 100% (pretty sure) is mlm. For obvious reasons this made me panic because I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be that gross person and the thing is I do understand. It makes sense to me why it makes people uncomfortable. Some people say it's bad under all circumstances and that they will block you if you're like this. Again, I understand. Others say it's fine as long as you treat gay people with respect in real life. Which I like to think that I do. I have noticed that I tend to think female characters have less depth and are less interesting than male ones and I feel bad that I think this and hopefully I am able to change that. Hopefully it is only due to the fact I've always only read things with mlm in. I just wanted to watch my favourite show's new season again but then I started thinking what if I'm just fetishising mlm again. I don't want it to get views from something bad I've done so I started reading up on Tumblr and I think it is what I'm doing, I hate it with my whole heart and I so understand why people find it gross and terrible and I hate that I might be part of it, I just want to enjoy the show and I love the characters but I don't want to now. I just feel so guilty I don't know why I'm like this I just want to be good and respect everyone why can't I just enjoy it why did it have to make me bad? All I want to do is enjoy it. This show, it's my safe space. My happy place. And I can't live with myself. I love it so much and I don't know what to do. It's my favourite thing ever. I'm just so angry that I've turned out like this. Thank you if you made it this far. I just don't know what to do.

I cant live with myself every day im riddled with guilt and shame My boyfriend and i were messing about and he was doing stuff to me and when i tried to reciprocate he said “not today” because he said “hes wearing jeans” and then he said “theres not enough space” but i was like no its fine we can go to the back and i was like “take your jeans off” then things escalated even more and i asked if he had a condom and he passed me one and we had sex BUT i felt like i was so pushy about him taking his jeans off so i messaged him in the evening and apologised incase i was and he replied with laughing faced and said “no youre fine 🤣” But i cant help thinking im a rapist and i couldn’t live with it- i would never want to hurt my boyfriend i love him so much Please someone give advice

I feel like I’ve gotten pretty good about not letting the intrusive thoughts take over during the day, because there are things to do. I can let it scream in the background while I go about my day. But at night when I go to bed…this obviously gets more challenging. How do you guys handle intrusive thoughts at night? Do you guys have an evening routine that helps relax you? Since ruminating is my primary compulsion, this can be difficult for me. Maybe I should start doing a nighttime meditation every night to help me fall to sleep?

hey so im currently suffering with what i think is pocd and false memory but i just feel like i haven’t heard of anyone else going through exactly what i have which makes me think is it actually false memories or have i done this awful thing before and my brains just trying to block it out ? i’ve recently had to leave my job because of this i was working in a school but was coming home on a night time and going back on my every footstep each day convincing myself i had done some awful things and i really couldn’t take it anymore, im so scared to be by myself incase i convince myself i have done something and when my brain tells me i have i cant help but believe it and the more i go over and over the situation the blurrier it gets which convinces me more something bad has happened and i must just be blocking it out even though deep down i know i have not i think it doesn’t help either that i dont have an ocd diagnosis so i constantly say to myself what if its not ocd and ur just trying to convince urself it is it all feels like a never ending cycle to me and i really cant see a way out right now, how am i ever going to know for definite i didnt do these horrible things ? i also think this all stems from my fear of being away from my family and prison and the fear of prison and being away from my family overtakes the fear of being a horrible person which is the main thing im struggling with today because i am constantly saying to myself what if you dont feel guilty about the thing you think you have done your just more worried about prison does this make sense to anyone has anyone been through something like this 😞

I often get images of disturbing things in my head rather than having a fear that I’d do something to someone else. Does anyone else experience that? Like I’ll have a flash of people’s privates and then it sends me into a panic and I have to move quickly 😞

I had my third session today, and my therapist and I are filling out my fear and response list. For some reason I'm having a hard time filling out compulsions and even some of the fear responses. It's like everything is so connected it's hard to separate it in my head. I've never tried to do this before. Also maybe I can explain the compulsions in a longer sentence but it's hard to use just one word. And most of my triggers cause a pretty high number of distress, but I need to find something with less anxiety to start the exposure therapy. Does anyone have advice on how to make this process easier, or just an example of how they filled this form out? Thanks.

I am having really bad anxiety today and just want to take an anxiety pill to help me relax, but then I have ocd intrusive thoughts telling me something bad will happen if I take it or I will go crazy or something.

Does anyone have the worst OC in the morning? It feels like Groundhog’s Day when I Got You Babe starts every morning - awaking to the same old thing. I lay in bed trying to go back to sleep and run from my rumination, but it just builds up more and more. I finally force myself to get up and get moving, do some ERP- oh and I have no taste for anything that I used to like - coffee, bagels, etc. Any suggestions? Techniques? Please share.

Have others had the experience of having an ocd relapse? I have felt that my ocd was fairly under control for a few years but I have recently been struggling and would say I have fallen into a relapse. It is very disheartening not to mention I am so tired and a bit scared. I am triggered all day long by all kinds of different things. Things have felt like they are exponentially unraveling.

how can I stop obsessing over my thoughts? they won’t go away and I’m convinced it’s never going to get better for me. I used to be such a happy person and ocd has completely destroyed me and taken over my life. I can’t enjoy things anymore.