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Is anyone else scared to recover because that could mean that it isn’t OCD? 🙃🙂🙃🙂

some of the many issues with OCD i have is having a whole routine before bed, but this routine isn't just making your bed comfy or making sure to shut the window though these two are also important, it's brushing my teeth for at least 10 minutes or i don't feel clean, making sure i've checked my wardrobe properly, make sure the draws in my bathroom are shut and i cannot physically go to sleep if i haven't slammed my door open at least 5 times. i need to do everything in patterns of five or my mind won't be comfortable. i'm very young still in school and i've told my parents about these reoccurring thoughts constantly but they don't really think it's a big deal, but it takes over my whole life and i swear by it and i just wanted to know if there is any way at all just to make the thoughts a little less overwhelming for me and not as constant, i just feel hopeless at the moment like i will never be able to stop these thoughts. thank you.

I hope this is okay to put here, I feel awful. I also feel like it doesn't belong here. I just need to get it out somewhere. So there's a huge social problem with what's called a fetishisation of mlm (gay people and relationships). It's basically where predominantly females engage in for example fiction with gay relationships. This is not necessarily bad on its own, it's when these people view the people as just objects in the relationship and it changes their view (negatively) on real mlm people. Also when women read it just for their own enjoyment of reading two men being together. So the thing is, I read lots of fiction and in fact 100% (pretty sure) is mlm. For obvious reasons this made me panic because I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be that gross person and the thing is I do understand. It makes sense to me why it makes people uncomfortable. Some people say it's bad under all circumstances and that they will block you if you're like this. Again, I understand. Others say it's fine as long as you treat gay people with respect in real life. Which I like to think that I do. I have noticed that I tend to think female characters have less depth and are less interesting than male ones and I feel bad that I think this and hopefully I am able to change that. Hopefully it is only due to the fact I've always only read things with mlm in. I just wanted to watch my favourite show's new season again but then I started thinking what if I'm just fetishising mlm again. I don't want it to get views from something bad I've done so I started reading up on Tumblr and I think it is what I'm doing, I hate it with my whole heart and I so understand why people find it gross and terrible and I hate that I might be part of it, I just want to enjoy the show and I love the characters but I don't want to now. I just feel so guilty I don't know why I'm like this I just want to be good and respect everyone why can't I just enjoy it why did it have to make me bad? All I want to do is enjoy it. This show, it's my safe space. My happy place. And I can't live with myself. I love it so much and I don't know what to do. It's my favourite thing ever. I'm just so angry that I've turned out like this. Thank you if you made it this far. I just don't know what to do.

I cant live with myself every day im riddled with guilt and shame My boyfriend and i were messing about and he was doing stuff to me and when i tried to reciprocate he said “not today” because he said “hes wearing jeans” and then he said “theres not enough space” but i was like no its fine we can go to the back and i was like “take your jeans off” then things escalated even more and i asked if he had a condom and he passed me one and we had sex BUT i felt like i was so pushy about him taking his jeans off so i messaged him in the evening and apologised incase i was and he replied with laughing faced and said “no youre fine 🤣” But i cant help thinking im a rapist and i couldn’t live with it- i would never want to hurt my boyfriend i love him so much Please someone give advice

I feel like I’ve gotten pretty good about not letting the intrusive thoughts take over during the day, because there are things to do. I can let it scream in the background while I go about my day. But at night when I go to bed…this obviously gets more challenging. How do you guys handle intrusive thoughts at night? Do you guys have an evening routine that helps relax you? Since ruminating is my primary compulsion, this can be difficult for me. Maybe I should start doing a nighttime meditation every night to help me fall to sleep?

hey so im currently suffering with what i think is pocd and false memory but i just feel like i haven’t heard of anyone else going through exactly what i have which makes me think is it actually false memories or have i done this awful thing before and my brains just trying to block it out ? i’ve recently had to leave my job because of this i was working in a school but was coming home on a night time and going back on my every footstep each day convincing myself i had done some awful things and i really couldn’t take it anymore, im so scared to be by myself incase i convince myself i have done something and when my brain tells me i have i cant help but believe it and the more i go over and over the situation the blurrier it gets which convinces me more something bad has happened and i must just be blocking it out even though deep down i know i have not i think it doesn’t help either that i dont have an ocd diagnosis so i constantly say to myself what if its not ocd and ur just trying to convince urself it is it all feels like a never ending cycle to me and i really cant see a way out right now, how am i ever going to know for definite i didnt do these horrible things ? i also think this all stems from my fear of being away from my family and prison and the fear of prison and being away from my family overtakes the fear of being a horrible person which is the main thing im struggling with today because i am constantly saying to myself what if you dont feel guilty about the thing you think you have done your just more worried about prison does this make sense to anyone has anyone been through something like this 😞

I often get images of disturbing things in my head rather than having a fear that I’d do something to someone else. Does anyone else experience that? Like I’ll have a flash of people’s privates and then it sends me into a panic and I have to move quickly 😞

I had my third session today, and my therapist and I are filling out my fear and response list. For some reason I'm having a hard time filling out compulsions and even some of the fear responses. It's like everything is so connected it's hard to separate it in my head. I've never tried to do this before. Also maybe I can explain the compulsions in a longer sentence but it's hard to use just one word. And most of my triggers cause a pretty high number of distress, but I need to find something with less anxiety to start the exposure therapy. Does anyone have advice on how to make this process easier, or just an example of how they filled this form out? Thanks.

I am having really bad anxiety today and just want to take an anxiety pill to help me relax, but then I have ocd intrusive thoughts telling me something bad will happen if I take it or I will go crazy or something.

Does anyone have the worst OC in the morning? It feels like Groundhog’s Day when I Got You Babe starts every morning - awaking to the same old thing. I lay in bed trying to go back to sleep and run from my rumination, but it just builds up more and more. I finally force myself to get up and get moving, do some ERP- oh and I have no taste for anything that I used to like - coffee, bagels, etc. Any suggestions? Techniques? Please share.

Have others had the experience of having an ocd relapse? I have felt that my ocd was fairly under control for a few years but I have recently been struggling and would say I have fallen into a relapse. It is very disheartening not to mention I am so tired and a bit scared. I am triggered all day long by all kinds of different things. Things have felt like they are exponentially unraveling.

how can I stop obsessing over my thoughts? they won’t go away and I’m convinced it’s never going to get better for me. I used to be such a happy person and ocd has completely destroyed me and taken over my life. I can’t enjoy things anymore.

Haven’t posted on here for like 3 months. my OCD is confusing, I’ve been on Zoloft, took 2 pills of 50mg. & still nothing has changed. now they’re asking for me to specify my thoughts & how I feel. But, is it crazy that my intrusive thoughts are so hard to think of even though ik exactly what I need to avoid bc then I’ll think of what I don’t wanna think of? like I feel extreme depersonalization. Every. Single. Day. Vision gets blurry outta nowhere, little dizzy, red eyes ( sometimes brown ? ), rashes on my legs, tension on my head like if it was so full of thoughts. If I had to explain the pain I’d say it just feels like my thoughts were yelling. I’m so scared that no pill will help my ocd ?? like idk what to do. I’m constantly asking myself is this even real, is around me real? idk. .. at the beginning, I only had just intrusive thoughts.. but time went by & now I feel like I have more depersonalization than OCD it’s self. makes sense ? any of you relate ?

How can someone get help when their ocd has crippled them for years but not being able to work for over a year how can someone get help without insurance how can someone get help when every time they try to leave home their body fights against them and fear takes over I’m stuck losing my mind and can’t seem to get help from anywhere how can I go on?

I just woke up from a dream related to my OCD subtype and it felt too real and felt like I liked it and woke up panicking. I know dreams don’t mean anything but it felt too real and now I can’t sleep.

On my run this morning a person stopped me to ask if I had a phone on me, and I said “no, sorry” and kept running even though I did have my phone, because it was early morning and I felt scared they’d take my phone. For the rest of my run I felt worried that they were following me and would see me use my phone, because I had AirPods in so they could guess that I did have a phone, although conceivably I could have only been wearing my Apply Watch. Once I was home and that anxiety subsided, I’ve been playing the situation over in my mind and feeling like such a bad person for saying no because what if they really needed help, and I said no because I judged them based on appearance and the situation made me scared they’d take my phone. I’m worried something bad will happen to me as karma.

So anyone have these opposite thoughts or thoughts that go against what your values and it sounds like you actually want to support such horrific, disturbing things even though you haven't and will never to this day? Its like you're inner dialogue is saying you support such things even though you know you really dont want to and the subject disgusts you and its like opposite thoughts. It's disturbing and honestly I'm a little shaken and it's been along the line of my core theme? Would anyone have any advice or have any knowledge on what this is?

tw: csa A therapist that actually cares. A therapist that’s good at their job. A therapist that understands. I have nobody else to turn to in my life to talk about things I’ve been through I feel like I don’t even know who I am because I have hardly had any real life experiences and my mom is always casting her evil judgements onto me. She once told me, “your father was a pervert who wanted you and then abandoned you.” Y’all I’m so heartbroken. I have 0 friends. I have always been the girl that nobody likes or cares about. I’m so tired man. I know this is so personal but I’m so tired of holding it all in and I’m terrified of becoming a bad person because I was raised by bad people. My OCD is so bad and I’m not getting any real love or support. I feel so unseen and unheard.

My friend and I met up with my boyfriend for a small vacation. My boyfriend has tendencies that align with ADHD but it’s not diagnosed however we’ve noticed this and he’s working on it. However, he slipped up in front of my friend and made a comment that offended him but didn’t realize it. I tried to let him know in the moment that someone could perceive that as offensive but he got defensive because it wasn’t what he intended. I texted my friend about how he felt and he said the comment bothered him, not a lot but for me that was enough. This triggered me and I thought about it for hours until I was at the bar with everyone and had to excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom because this was basically one of my worst fears about my relationship is that one of my close family or friends does not approve and we would then have to breakup. My friend assured me that it wasn’t a big deal it was more of a comment that made him roll his eyes. Either way I talked to my boyfriend about this and he didn’t realize his mistake and apologized to me and told me he would apologize to my friend in private as to not make him uncomfortable. This made me feel a lot better. I can tell my boyfriend felt bad about disappointing my friend and I because he cried and had a long talk with my friend. I’m glad this went the way it did however there’s still a nagging voice in my head that tells me there has been irreparable damage done to the image of my boyfriend in my friends eyes and now he doesn’t like him, even though he assured me this wasn’t the case, and that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. This scares me to my core and makes me feel sick, and this thought sticks to my brain.

My OCD is trying to convince me I'm the worst person ever and I've thought and done all these disgusting things; and most of the time I can kind of blow it off, and tell myself it's just OCD. But lately everytime I go on social media I see angry videos and posts about "these people are the worst!" or "if you've ever done this you're disgusting!", and it makes me spiral. It's like I start obsessing about "oh no! Have I done that? Have I acted how that person did?? What if I wanted to? Should I be canceled?" I know, I know... limit my social media time; but without social media it's hard to stay informed and it feels more isolating. I just wish people were more compassionate. I get that there are bad people out there who feel no remorse for things they've done. And when people are online and posting everything spur of the moment things can get heated (especially when everyone is anonymous), but I already have my brain trying to paint me in the worst light and make me not leave the house; I don't need my constant anxiety about morality and being canceled reinforced by the entire internet. Is everything problematic? Is it possible to be a good person anymore? Will I ever feel okay again? Has anyone else gone through this?