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I just woke up from a dream related to my OCD subtype and it felt too real and felt like I liked it and woke up panicking. I know dreams don’t mean anything but it felt too real and now I can’t sleep.

On my run this morning a person stopped me to ask if I had a phone on me, and I said “no, sorry” and kept running even though I did have my phone, because it was early morning and I felt scared they’d take my phone. For the rest of my run I felt worried that they were following me and would see me use my phone, because I had AirPods in so they could guess that I did have a phone, although conceivably I could have only been wearing my Apply Watch. Once I was home and that anxiety subsided, I’ve been playing the situation over in my mind and feeling like such a bad person for saying no because what if they really needed help, and I said no because I judged them based on appearance and the situation made me scared they’d take my phone. I’m worried something bad will happen to me as karma.

So anyone have these opposite thoughts or thoughts that go against what your values and it sounds like you actually want to support such horrific, disturbing things even though you haven't and will never to this day? Its like you're inner dialogue is saying you support such things even though you know you really dont want to and the subject disgusts you and its like opposite thoughts. It's disturbing and honestly I'm a little shaken and it's been along the line of my core theme? Would anyone have any advice or have any knowledge on what this is?

My friend and I met up with my boyfriend for a small vacation. My boyfriend has tendencies that align with ADHD but it’s not diagnosed however we’ve noticed this and he’s working on it. However, he slipped up in front of my friend and made a comment that offended him but didn’t realize it. I tried to let him know in the moment that someone could perceive that as offensive but he got defensive because it wasn’t what he intended. I texted my friend about how he felt and he said the comment bothered him, not a lot but for me that was enough. This triggered me and I thought about it for hours until I was at the bar with everyone and had to excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom because this was basically one of my worst fears about my relationship is that one of my close family or friends does not approve and we would then have to breakup. My friend assured me that it wasn’t a big deal it was more of a comment that made him roll his eyes. Either way I talked to my boyfriend about this and he didn’t realize his mistake and apologized to me and told me he would apologize to my friend in private as to not make him uncomfortable. This made me feel a lot better. I can tell my boyfriend felt bad about disappointing my friend and I because he cried and had a long talk with my friend. I’m glad this went the way it did however there’s still a nagging voice in my head that tells me there has been irreparable damage done to the image of my boyfriend in my friends eyes and now he doesn’t like him, even though he assured me this wasn’t the case, and that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. This scares me to my core and makes me feel sick, and this thought sticks to my brain.

My OCD is trying to convince me I'm the worst person ever and I've thought and done all these disgusting things; and most of the time I can kind of blow it off, and tell myself it's just OCD. But lately everytime I go on social media I see angry videos and posts about "these people are the worst!" or "if you've ever done this you're disgusting!", and it makes me spiral. It's like I start obsessing about "oh no! Have I done that? Have I acted how that person did?? What if I wanted to? Should I be canceled?" I know, I know... limit my social media time; but without social media it's hard to stay informed and it feels more isolating. I just wish people were more compassionate. I get that there are bad people out there who feel no remorse for things they've done. And when people are online and posting everything spur of the moment things can get heated (especially when everyone is anonymous), but I already have my brain trying to paint me in the worst light and make me not leave the house; I don't need my constant anxiety about morality and being canceled reinforced by the entire internet. Is everything problematic? Is it possible to be a good person anymore? Will I ever feel okay again? Has anyone else gone through this?

Hi friends! I’m facing a serious relapse after two wonderful months of nearly nothing. Ugh! What is the first thing you do? I’m ramping up the ERPs and therapy sessions. I’m so thankful for NOCD! I’m still taking my meds, so no change there. I keep telling myself that my thoughts are just thoughts and they might come true/ might not… I could really use some extra guidance. Many thanks.

Whenever my mom thinks I’m trying to argue on purpose, that makes me think “what if I am?” “What if I’m just a baby who can’t take what she said”. I feel scared. I just disagreed with her when she told me not to wash my clothes with my work clothes because they’ll smell bad and I disagreed because she’s never said a word about this for years but two years before she told me not to wash them separately because that’s wasting electricity. So, her shutting me down by saying “don’t argue with me” makes no sense to me but at the same I feel like “does this make sense though? What if I’m just an asshole to her?” Then before she got irritated with me when I was about to throw away expired lemonade but she was the one who yelled at me by saying “if you’re not having it just throw it away!” Like I honestly don’t know what she wants me to do anymore!!!!! Sometimes when changes their mind or something, I keep feeling like “what if I’m schizophrenic and I just thought that had happened” or “what if I’m crazy” or “why am I upset by this? What if they didn’t change their mind and I’m just thinking something else” My parents getting irritated with me makes me feel like I’ve done so much wrong and I end up losing my motivation but that makes me feel even more gross because I’m not bothering to wash the dishes now..

I don’t know what happened but I feel like my OCD is back and I’m crying because I’ve been doing so good and now I feel like all of a sudden it’s back and I don’t want to go down this path again because it was really dark time for me and I was doing good like and I’m getting my medicine switched and I started a new one tomorrow but I don’t know I feel like there’s a spell on me. I can’t go through this again and I am crying I just I can’t go through this hell hole again and I really need help in advice to say strong during this because I can’t do this like I can’t do this again I can’t I hate how my brain is like so mad and just yells at me like I have to think about this in order for her to go away like no I don’t want to think about it but if I don’t think about whatever it wants me to think about, it’s like gets louder and louder in my head, and like the more urgent, feeling of having to think about it, in order to go away, I know it’s OCD I know it’s OCD and then like what if it’s not OCD like no if I don’t wanna think about something obviously it’s OCD it’s OCD it’s always OCD whatever my brain wants me to think about and it gets louder and louder. It’s just it’s OCD bro it’s OCD, I think I am going on a spiral and I just really need help like I’m tired of my OCD wanting to think about things and then saying it’s not OCD when it’s literally OCD

Okay.. let me start by saying I’m in a VERY committed relationship of 11 years.. and I’m Absolutely not interested in another person. But at a my job, I sell some rocks that I paint.. and this guy expressed interest in buying a custom item I make and asked if we could get coffee discussing what he wants.. eagerly, I said yes, wanting to sell my art, with it going right over my head that this man is asking me out, so I gave him my number eagerly wanting to sell my art, but as I did, I realized that I shouldn’t be and immediately regretted it.. couple days later he texted me, and I informed him that I’m in a very committed relationship ship and wouldn’t be interested in anything romantic, he said that he wasnt either and is only interested In a friendship… great, I thought… not great.. he’s been texting me relentlessly, and showing up to my job almost everyday, and it’s making me very uncomfortable.. I don’t know what to do. I’m so afraid that I was wrong to my boyfriend, or just scared that im leading this man on, even though I made it clear I wasn’t Interested, or afraid he’s going to attack me in someway.. If I would have just had the freaking balls to say no to giving him my number, I wouldn’t be in this situation. I’m so afraid, I want to change my number and quit my job.. how should I handle this??

I am so embarrassed because I have a substance abuse disorder that no one knows about. This time last year, I was going through a breakup. I started hanging out with new people. They smoked weed. I started smoking. A bowl a night. It was the first time in my life I ever felt real peace, real contentment. I guess it wasn’t ‘real’ but I mean that my mind was bearable and I was happy. I felt more able to engage with people. I started smoking before seeing people or with people every time we hung out. I always wanted to be high. I started smoking before class. My grades suffered. I suffered. My anxiety and depression and self shame grew, it feels now the worst it’s ever been. I want to quit but at the same time I’m terrified of getting through this. I don’t know how. There were several times this semester I got high or drunk at random times a day just to feel a sense of ‘joy’. i also have a vaping addiction. this isn’t who i want to be. but i feel like it’s all that i am im so lonely but i don’t get real with my friends anymore because my thoughts scare me and i don’t trust my thoughts or see them as valid because the reason for my breakup was how much i suffered with sexual orientation OCD. I really thought I was questioning my sexuality. I loved him so much. I was so scared there would be a reason I couldn’t be with him. Growing up, I was religious so I was taught homosexuality was a sin. I was not attracted to girls (and didn’t understand why that would be a sin) Nonetheless. I had a best friend who came out to me as gay and in love with me. I started worrying about it, little thoughts, around this time. At first the diagnosis was encouraging It meant there were explanations for this But now I just don’t feel like I can trust myself at all Because it derailed my life before I just know two years ago/every other version of me would be so sad to see where we are now. I have very little hope for myself.

Hey everyone! I’m new here and thought that it might help to get my OCD story off my chest. My intrusive thoughts are so bad that I never want to talk about them to anyone so maybe that’s why I’m here. When I was 13 my grandma was in the hospital. She was my best friend in the whole world. I imagined so much life with her. I remember pulling into the hospital one day with my Dad and immediately knocking on “wood” (the car door) to help put me at ease about my grandmas health before going in. I knocked on wood because everyone knows that’s what you do when you don’t want something to happen. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her so bad that all I could think about in that moment was something bad happening. So I knocked on wood. It made me feel better so I kept doing it whenever I had bad thoughts. But then it going confusing. If this was helping ease these thoughts, why was I starting to have these thoughts more frequently? 13 year old me didn’t understand what I was doing or why these bad thoughts started. It had got so bad that I was knocking on wood every second of the day, every surface I came across that felt right, and if I didn’t I would force myself to turn around and touch that surface. I would have to knock on wood 8 times every single time but the 7 would have two knocks because the word 7 have two syllables. But then the 8 times wouldn’t be enough, I still wouldn’t feel satisfied so I would do it again and again and again until my entire day was overpowered by intrusive thoughts or knocking on wood. My family and friends started to notice, asking why I do it. I would always avoid the question or make a joke out of it because I couldn’t tell them these terrible thoughts I was having. I was so deeply afraid of something bad happening to the people I love the most or myself that it was debilitating. A couple years later I noticed how bad it had gotten and wanted a change. So I forced myself to stop knocking. I would tell myself angrily that nothing bad would happen if I don’t knock. It took me a lot of convincing and small steps to realize this, but it worked. I got better. I went to the doctors office at about 15 and told them everything. How I did this but how I solved this. They told me it takes great mental strength to be able to fight something in your brain like that. I have always been so mentally strong but hearing them say that made me feel so much better. And I was better. For years. Yea I went through times when it was bad again but it was so much better. The past couple years it has gotten worse again. I noticed that it gets worse when my anxiety about things is higher. New changes, new people, new things. Now, at 21 I won’t let myself get back to the point I was when I was 13, but recently I can’t seem to keep the intrusive thoughts out. I am so terrified of myself or someone else getting hurt of getting older that I put the whole toll on myself. I am so so so happy with my life right now that I don’t want anything to change. That is why it’s been so bad recently. Life is amazing which is why I only want it to get better and I’m so scared something might get in the way of that. I realized after talking to my friends that I never want to say my intrusive thoughts out-loud because I believe strongly in speaking things into existence so I only speak good things out loud. That’s how I’ve always been. But when I talked with my friend she said she’s the opposite, she says the bad things out loud because then you jinx them and they won’t happen. Her saying that gave me a little peace because it made me realize that it’s okay to get these things off my chest and that saying these things out loud isn’t so serious, it’s not life or death like I thought it was. Honestly, the weight of getting my story off my chest has already helped me feel a little lighter of a load on myself.

i'm trying the maybe maybe not method but i keep getting hit back with anxiety and the what ifs 😣 what else can i do 😢

I'm stuck in a cycle of checking and I can't stop. I've checked porn, Google images, listened to gay people talk, gay people with makeup I've looked at everything trying to tell what I am but I can't get a conclusion except anxiety and more confusion I also get groinal movements from checking sexual things but apparently that can happen from anything sexual? Im so confused I can't tell if I'm bisexual in denial or just straight with OCD anymore it's so stressful I spend everynight repeating the same thing which is researching trying to find an answer good enough to stop this suffering I just want a girlfriend and my life back to normal bit I'm scared to get in another relationship due to them having to go through me having these doubts and loss of attraction at times :( I need help I don't want to live this life I want this to all go away and back to how it was

How can I help as a parent of adult daughter experiencing OCD. Intrusive thoughts, rumination, false memory ocd. Psychiatrist upped antidepressants and antipsychotic. She did some NOCD treatments but hasn’t in a while. She said she was doing better and that’s why she does NOCD once a month if that. Now she’s in a bad spot and won’t listen to reason. Delayed response to questions. Lost in her thoughts. Irritability, insomnia, absentminded…. How can we help her? We have offered to pay, go with to appointments, everything. What do we do? We are stressed out, tired, exhausted, hostages. We love her so much but just can’t seem to be able to help her. Any have any advice?

Guys I’ve been very hesitant about getting on meds but my OCD thinking has gotten really bad. So I decided to just get fluoxetine and start it. But my reservations about meds is carrying over into my ocd and i’m scared when I take the medicine i’m going to start freaking out due to “placebo” in a way. Like i am going to start getting symptoms or freaking out and wanting to throw up the meds or something idk

Hi! So I just recently got my OCD diagnosis but I haven’t really seen any of my symptoms listed anywhere online. I’m mainly pure O, but I do have one physical compulsion where I am constantly cracking my knuckles/ other joints. To the point where I cant go over 45 seconds without cracking something without being incredibly uncomfortable unless I’m asleep. It doesn’t help that I have super lax joints so cracking repetitively is just something my body naturally allows. I feel so awkward going on dates/ job interviews/ work meetings/ etc… where I’m around new people because everyone I’m close to in life knows and just accepts the cracking since it’s been going on since at least middle school, but to new people it must seem incredibly rude if not just plain annoying. I also do not have to crack a certain amount of times, but I have to get a “satisfying” crack before I can do anything else. It started interfering with work to certain extents because I could have my report all typed up and then sit there for 5-10 minutes before being able to hit send because I HAD to get the right crack before doing anything else. Or when I have a patient that I’m taking vitals on and pause for a solid 3-4 minutes after putting the blood pressure cuff on them because I can’t continue until I get the right crack. As for the “O” part, I feel like my thoughts don’t fit neatly into a single category of OCD. There will be nights (most of them lately) where I cannot sleep because I’m overthinking things to the point that I become suicidal. Not to the point of acting on it, but where I simply want to give up and not exist. Most of these thoughts seem to be about things from my past that I consider embarrassing. For example, I went on a date with a girl about a year ago now where I word vomited and was so embarrassed about it that I still think about it daily. I have since gone on dates with many other woman and don’t have any attachment to the girl this date was with, but I think back on how awkward I was and the self loathing is fueled for the night. If I hang out with friends or people I’m super comfortable with and I say something stupid, not even thinking about it in the moment, I’ll go home at night and think about it until I’m nauseous and crippled with sadness and regret. I’ve been having panic attacks a lot lately because I can’t seem to quiet the thoughts and I just get so worked up. Night time is definitely the worst for me as its typically when I have the downtime to sit with my thoughts as opposed to during the day when I’m working or out with friends my mind has other things on it. I also go through really bad obsessions, different from thoughts that keep me awake at night but just things that I become utterly obsessed with for weeks on end (if not more). For example, I was watching the show Supergirl a couple months ago and got so incredibly obsessed with it that once I finished, I had a huge depressive episode and felt like I couldn’t get out of bed for over a week. And the obsession continued for weeks after. This sounds more like ADHD to me but I thought I’d throw it in here as a symptom as well since I’m still super new to the diagnosis and am not 100% what is what. Lastly, I have a weird thing that’s been going on for years now where I’m deathly afraid of intimacy. I’ve had long term relationships, and along with them sexual relationships, but overall I am so uncomfortable with anyone perceiving me that the past couple months I have not been able to even put myself out there because I’m so scared of being judged. I dated a guy for 4 years and maybe made out with him 2-3 times the entire relationship because I was scared of kissing because I felt like I wasn’t experienced enough with it and was always overthinking everything that I just never pushed through and got myself comfortable. Its been 3 years now since that relationship ended and I’m still scared of kissing someone or touching them in case I am doing something wrong. I don’t mind being kissed or touched as much as I mind starting the act myself. I’m just so self conscious about anything that has to do with my body that I feel like I cant function as a normal human. I also have an issue where I can’t eat in front of anyone other than a few close friends or family. I feel like I gave myself an eating disorder because I don’t want to be seen doing anything with my body that I don’t have to, and it’s made some normal life tasks incredibly uncomfortable. I’ve been really depressed lately and have been having a hard time managing my health, work, and school all together. I’m not sure if this is due to the OCD or just depression on its own, but that’s another worth mentioning I guess. A lot of these symptoms I assumed were maybe autism for a long time, and I thought maybe the finger cracking was tourette’s at first, but I was given an OCD diagnosis and am curious if anyone else has anything similar going on with them because I really cant seem to find anything relatable online. Part of me feels like I may have been incorrectly diagnosed, so I would love to hear from others!

So I took out a loan for my college. And it said it covered the costs, and I was all set. I only had to pay eighty bucks per month because of the loan. Suddenly. And I mean SUDDENLY. I have 7k to pay off?? The loan was SET. And covered it. I am really confused and scared and my compulsions have come back because of it. I feel like vomiting I can’t call the school as it’s too late. What if I get kicked out? Because I can’t pay that amount? What if they won’t work with me? I’m so scared please PLEASE I need some advice. ANYTHING.

Long story short it feels like I might have cheated on a class final project and my ocd is causing intense rumination and mental checking that I did nothing wrong or had no bad intentions. Also feel the urge to get validation from others if what I did was cheating or not and even confess to make the thought cycle stop. My question is how do I discern what I should truly feel guilt for vs what’s ocd just making my life harder by telling me I’m a bad person and done something terrible. How do I just let it go and move on without knowing for sure I did something wrong or confessing?

hey, i saw this on tiktok and i’ve been struggling really bad my whole life. i’ve never been diagnosed but im too scared that people will tell me im being dramatic or im making it up to get help. i think it started when i was in 1st or 2nd grade, i would come home everyday and confess things to my mom. like not taking my usual routes in the hallways and not returning a pencil to anyone. i dont know why it has to be her but i still do this. it’s like she’s my only comfort person and sometimes it feels like im just bothering her with it. i dont know who to talk to or what to do to fix it. everyone has told me that getting on medicine will only make it worse because if i come off of it it will be a whole lot worse. as i got older, it kind of left me for a while until earlier this year. i’ve always been told that having an extreme conscience was a good thing, but this feels awful. i turned to God which i still believe it but i don’t think it was the right way. i was overly paranoid that the end times were coming so much that i couldn’t do my daily routines. my sister has 2 babies and when i turned to Jesus it was also because i was having insane intrusive and embarrassing of doing horrible things to them. i didn’t even know who i was. i love both of those babies like they’re my own, i constantly come over to see them, bring gifts, etc and i could never intentionally hurt them but when i have these thoughts it’s like seeing yourself in a different perspective. when i signed up for this app a few minutes ago i think it said that was POCD. i would never do anything to hurt anyone, ive always been a very gentle and caring person so it’s kind of hard to argue with yourself. i was also at the time hitting an extreme point of paranoia about my health, constantly obsessing over everything because i thought i was dying. it left me again for a few months but now it’s back and i don’t know what else to do. i don’t know if this is ocd or if im straight out just a terrible person. any advice, comments, or anything is welcome!

Hi! I am wondering if I am going about this wrong or backwards. I havnt spoken to a therapist and don’t even have a Diagnosis, I am only assuming I may have a form of OCD and well, not even sure if therapy would actually help. Never really thought I needed help. But I am curious about learning about myself more and bettering my self. Anyone have OCD/Hair pulling/ occasional intrusive thoughts? Im not sure if I am even in the right place. Also this took me over three days many restlessness nights and half my afternoon to actually type out….