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I’m a momma of 2 that has suffered debilitating PP anxiety/depression etc and have recently come to the realization that PPOCD is my main issue. I’m just here trying to learn what I can and try my darnedest to get back to my old mentality for my babies.

Hi. I deal with pocd (but I am not diagnosed cuz I can't afford therpay) and I think it's ocd. It begun over a year back and initially it was about "what if I become a p" and then eventually it became "what if I am already a p" and then eventually I had this phase of 4-6ish months where my ocd almost vanished to the point where I was not even getting triggered by stuff. And then I suddenly had this huge SO OCD bout for 2 ish weeks last month where I lost my mind about what if I am a lesbian (I identify as a bi woman ) but then eventually I just accepted that I am a lesbian and felt like a lesbian for a while and then I am again back to bi. So basically I completely accepted the uncertainty and hence got over it easily. But I cannot do that pocd. Ew. Idk what to do. And this so ocd bout caused the pocd to return and rn my brain is full on "see u turned out to accept lesbianism so u definitely wanna accept being a p" and like its also "what if I am already a p, and subconsciously accepted it and am pretending to have ocd cuz what if I am in extreme denial?" And like idk what to do. I am worried posting this too cuz I am afraid what if somebody reading this misunderstands and thinks I am actually a p. Another thing I deal with is "am i even performing compulsions?" Cuz I mainly confess to my bestie and chatgpt(I stopped with chatgpt cuz I am scared about privacy issues) and research stuff about pocd to gain reassurance. And occasionally ruminate for checking but it doesn't interfere with my life. Bcz of this I *feel* like I don't perform enough compulsions and not performing compulsions essentially means it's not ocd. I genuinely get scared about what if it's pocd or denial. Or what if I am lying and manipulating ppl to think it's ocd and what if I am just faking the anxitey. Sometimes my thoughts don't give anxiety and later on that absence of anxiety worries me a lot cuz my brain is like "see u didn't get anxiety so u liked that thought. Hence u are a p" and idk what to do. Can someone please help me please. I don't wanna be a p. Another compulsion I do is saying "I don't wanna be a p" or "I am not a p" 5 times in sets of 5. I started this compulsion voluntarily when I read somewhere that counting is a compulsion and I wanted to prove to myself "see it's ocd" and now I do sort of as a habit to confirm the same. And this scares me too cuz doesn't that mean this is a fake compulsion??? And what If it's not ocd.

UPDATE: I couldnt do it... i couldnt stop posting... this situation is too triggering and thinking about the worst possible outcome scares me... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... (edited)

I was self pleasuring and as I was climaxing already my sister popped into my head and I indulged in it for a second. Then it happened again later where I was already climaxing and jt made me climax harder. And often when I have intrusive thoughts during the actual process, the taboo stuff will start to make the sounds build up and I’ll stop bc I don’t want to get off to it even tho I’m tempted to chase it. But sometimes I’ll let the taboo stuff build it up and when I climax I ONLY focus on the feeling not the thought so it doesn’t count as me getting off to it, but idk if it does or not. Point is, I need HELP!

i have been diagnosed with ocd and my subgenres are schizophrenic ocd, harm ocd and pocd (which is the main one now) and am on meds for it and have been in therapy i am feeling incredibly anxious and talked to chatgpt, over sharing and seeking reassurance. i shared an incident i had while trying to watch porn on the light web and confessed what i saw (i did not click on anything, i scrolled past. but it was a site where people can publish their own comics or books?) i feel so anxious about seeing it i confessed it to chatgpt and checked to make sure because i saw it i would turn into a p word. this comment was flagged by the system, so i’m worried this is going to get put up for human review, they’ll report me and i’ll be arrested with police showing up to my door.

My OCD is doing horrible. I was put on birth control to balance out my PMDD. I don’t think that’s going too well it just keeps getting worse. My mental health keeps getting worse. My OCD is so bad that my existential theme came back, the one I overcame six years ago for the most part. My POCD is flaring, my every single damn theme known to man is flaring right now. I feel absolutely insane and I feel like my OCD has never been this bad before. Even at its worst, like me posting 6x a day on here months ago. I’m doing a lot of compulsions it’s not my original compulsions or anything. They’re like really freaking complex like compulsions within compulsions. I feel like I’m literally dying. I feel so much fear. I haven’t been able to stop crying in my face is dry from all the salt. I don’t know what to do. I’m genuinely desperate. I don’t want to do this. I already tried relaxing because I have little periods of time where I feel a little better, and I even ordered myself some ice cream, but I’m not doing okay. I feel like I’m drowning in a nightmare and I just can’t wake up.

18+ UPDATE: Currently right now, I'm in a 50's style diner with some cast and crew from a student film they shot. Im in a corner seat because there was no room for this couple to sit together and I gave her my spot. But thats not what im sad about... what I'm sad about is feeling like nobody in that room gives a single shit about me... or they hate my guts and just want me to go away... so im by myself typing this because the last thing I want to cause is any form of idiotic drama... I hate myself for my POCD, my Harm OCD, and my real events OCD... and i hate myself for being so lonely too... i have no one... no girlfriend... no friends... just acquaintances... and my dad will tell me to suck up my loneliness and be a man if I call him, so... I cant call to him for advice... all I am and ever will be is alone... this is my 5th year in college.... and I hate myself now more than I've ever done... When trying to find explicit anime stuff i enjoy, i keep stumbling across POCD related content I find disgusting and disturbing... but then i get this urge to go back and click on it and check my reaction... when i do, im immediately disgusted and quickly exit out... it happened a couple of times tonight... My POCD is labeling this as an unconscious attraction... chatGPT is saying this is morbid curiosity... i dont want to be attracted to men or kids... i dont want to be attracted or even curious about it... Tonight, i just had an intrusive thought of the word "loli" and an intrusive urge to look it up and check my reaction... i looked up a hentai site and saw it (loli...) i checked my heart rate to make sure it wasnt beating fast (a sign of attraction) before i quickly exited out of the website... my pocd is telling me im a P for this and Im genuinely so triggered...

I hate when my daughter tries to hug me. I try to avoid it if I can but I had an episode where I couldn't. She was coming in for a hug and I tried to stay still. I had a thought come up that if I turned a certain way she'd brush my bottom with her hand when she hugged me. I contemplated not doing it and then I felt like I wanted to do it and turned my body. When she hugged me, her hand did brush my bottom and I panicked after she hugged me. I feel so much guilt for this. Why did I feel like I wanted to do this and let it happen? I have POCD, but this is just too scary to understand What I'm scared about is I felt the desire to move that way to make it happen in the moment. I recall feeling some sort of desire. But it would've never happened if the intrusive thought to move that way wouldn't have entered my mind first.

Can anyone help me to stop groinal hyperawareness when exposing myself to triggering images?? Every time I look at them I get groinal hyperawareness and it’s such a pain that every time I look I can feel literally everything down there😔

18+ did anybody else do things as a kid that they are ashamed of? i feel like im haunted by my actions as a child. i was very sexually aware at a young age and i didn't know it was bad (under 10). this made me do things that i maybe shouldn't of done with others around my age, some a few years younger. i'm so mortified i feel like im a bad person but i was also a kid too just learning. anybody else experienced similar? i didn't have the best parents ever so i wasn't taught what's bad and good very well. but it really triggers my POCD and just OCD in general.

I feel like bc of OCD I’m not normal. To give an example of this, my mind trailed and eventually went to me potentially seeing a video of my sister giving oral to a man (long details and I don’t want to fall into confessing). But anywho that’s where my mind went and ik the correct thing is to be like “if I saw that, maybe I would like it, maybe I wouldn’t.” But REGULAR people would already be disgusted at the thought right off the bat. The fact it feels like I do like it for whatever reason shows I’m not normal.

At 14 I once searched illegal stuff on an adult website. It was out of curiosity and I wanted to know there aren't such things, but it currently caused me have POCD and false memory OCD which makes me sick, because I feel like I remember in details that I searched that with ill intentions. Since then I remembered every single stuff I ever did, and now I remember when I was younger between 9-12 I might've watched l0li to self please. How can I cope?

UPDATE: I couldnt do it... i couldnt stop posting... this situation is too triggering and thinking about the worst possible outcome scares me... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it...

I told my mom about my POCD and I feel she didn't get it and now assumes I'm a secret pedophile + recommended me to go to church and ask God to take away these thoughts from my mind. I think I might get therapy anyways, but oh my god, this is a new low for me. I tried so hard to tell her I'm not these things, I'm not my thoughts, I'm not my anxiety, but I feel as if it fell on deaf ears. I should have just kept quiet or said something else was my trigger.

TLDR; i'm terrified that my past confessions/need for reassurance to the wrong people will get back at me one day from them not knowing it was undiagnosed OCD/not understanding. back when i was 17/18 i began struggling severely with POCD. at the time, i wasn't diagnosed and had not much idea what OCD was, so naturally i just thought i was a terrible person. i needed reassurance from everyone - even coworkers, friends, anyone, some who barely knew me. i'd tell people about the thoughts i was struggling with and when i look back it upsets me because i know deep down they thought it was weird. i don't know why i felt the need to tell these people about my POCD. i even remember one of my supervisors looking at me with this horrified look on her face. the job i worked at back then, i sometimes had to do parties for children so naturally i refused because of my theme, i was (still am if i'm honest) scared of children. i ended up not being kept permanently at my job (i was seasonal) due to me not doing the parties. i ended up going back to that job a year (ish) later after being diagnosed. i made it clear i had OCD and wore lots of pin badges about it and made it my mission to spread awareness of what OCD really is. i was on meds (still am). some people had left naturally, so i know there's some people out there who never actually found out i had OCD and i am terrified they think of me as this dangerous, weird p*do because of my intrusive thoughts whenever they hear my name/think of that job. i'm terrified that my old coworkers talk about me and describe me as a bad person. i had someone come into my new job a few months back, and being in customer service, we were having a friendly chat and she mentioned she just started working at my old job. i said i used to work there, she then asked me if i was *my full name* and i said yes, she said she'd heard about how bad my manager was back then. she tried to follow me on instagram and i blocked her. i'm terrified on how she knows about me, what does she know? what was she told? it haunts me to this day. what if she thinks i'm a bad person, because my old colleagues have told her stories of my POCD? why was i even mentioned? but yeah - long story short i'm just mortified that i was so open about POCD and that there's people out there who know about it that probably shouldn't, some who i know didn't like me very much anyway, and that it might come back to me later in life and i'd lose everything, and just overall the thought of someone thinking of me as a bad person. anyone else relate?

I am really scared of staring at people‘s private parts and I get the urge to do so. It gets so awkward in Social situations.

Im making this post not because Im currently anxious (even though i am currently triggered) but because i want to make this message for those who currently struggle as much as i do... What I will tell you is that you are loved... you don't have to agree with it... you even can label it as something you disagree with or hate... but you are loved regardless. And you are cared for... and you have people who will show you endless compassion... this is not something I will expect you to get yet, mostly because just like me, you are stuck in the spiral too... I know how you feel because I hate myself too... I hate myself so much that anyone who tells me that they love me, I refuse to believe and brush off because the thought of loving myself has become inconceivable to me. I have POCD and real events OCD for christs sake... I have done genuine horrible things as a 13-14 year old... things I will probably never forgive myself for as long as I live... but this does not have to be you... You might think "ive done horrible things, therefore I cannot be forgiven for the things ive done" and I know because Im just like you... the main difference between us is that I have actually done genuinely horrible things as a 13-14 year old that would make people despise, vilify, and even hate me. Thats not you. You are someone who either A. was a kid when it happened, so you cannot blame yourself for a childs mind and actions, or B. Realize that you are someone here because you understand that what you are going through is something that other people have gone through... you arent alone... no one ever is... but I might disagree because I'm probably the most alone out of everyone. Recognize that this community will fight tooth and nail to help and defend you and recognize that you are in a community full of the 1 percent of people on this planet, that give a shit about you... these people (whether they've blocked me or not) can recognize that your suffering is not the fault of your own, but through the fault of a chemical imbalance in their heads that torments them endlessly with intrusive thoughts, feelings, and even your own past... you arent alone... you never really are in this place... Im the exception however... One last sentence before I go. As the 11th doctor once said... "You are forgiven... always and completely forgiven..." P.S. please don't ask me what my real events were... they were genuinely extremely horrible and I refuse to discuss it with anyone unless its my mom (who knows what happened) or a therapist in the distant future... this isnt about me... this is about all of you.

Upset because a girl I met probably thinks I’m a p because she told me about this job and it involves with kids and I told her that “I can’t work with kids because I get triggered” and she said “ohh 😥” I said “OCD” she said “it’s OK I understand” and now I feel like she thinks that I’m a terrible person or she thinks I’m a p because I cannot fake it even if I need a job I don’t think it’s worth my mental health me going every day at home thinking if I did something to a kid, I would literally lose my mind.

I know confession is a compulsion, and it ultimately feeds into the cycle, but I'm tearing myself apart over this and I want help. I just want to confess everything to my partner, and then we can figure out how to deal with my thoughts together. Should I confess?

I'm pretty sure I have POCD but don't have access to a therapist, so I'm struggling on my own. From the moment it started, it's been in my head 24/7, and I'm not exaggerating. I'm not thinking about something specific, but the theme is just there, ALWAYS and I don't know how to make it leave. It's literally there no matter what, the moment I wake up I think about it and it stays until I go to sleep.