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Has anyone even happily had a relationship with their gf/boyf after having rocd with them

I'm struggling so hard right now. I feel like I'm not having compulsions just obsessions right now and it means that I truly need to break up with my partner. All I can think about is how I'm beginning to feel anxious around him and not feel that joy as soon as I see him, or that I don't find him attractive anymore. I also sometimes feel like I find him slightly annoying. However, I also feel like with this ROCD I've lost who I am. He's done nothing but support me, and I can see a future with him. I want to google stuff so bad and I can't figure out how to stop ruminating over these thoughts or what the right choice is. I'm scared to death and have constant anxiety while also feeling pretty numb. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm desperate to just feel okay. Sometimes I think everything would be easier if I just broke up with him because I wouldn't have all these thoughts anymore and my life would be easier. I don't want to lose him, or at least I don't think I do. But at the same time, my brain says I do want to break up with him. The negative thoughts are winning, and I'm desperate. I don't know what the right answer is anymore. Sorry for the long post, just needed to see if anyone understands.

I’ve prided myself on my ability to stick to a discipline, practice in my art, and used my “struggles” with OCD in not only my lyricism; but in nearly every task that I do. I do not have trouble letting go of this productivity on a day that I decide to. But it’s how I enjoy living. I hold myself to a very high standard for productivity + efficiency. I’ve never allowed that to feel like a “burden”. I simply do the things that I need to do, and then do the things I want to do. I feel that there is a connotation to OCD that has a “negative” tone. Is it really something that you need to “cure”? Instead of something to learn to live with? Like a missing limb / a vision impairment? Do you believe I am on the right track by wanting to identify my strengths > my weaknesses? And that the best strategy is to learn to minimize how those weaknesses + compulsions affect my daily functioning? I feel like I have learned to use my “mental illness” to my advantage. I do not feel like it’s magical thinking, as belief makes reality. If I believed that I were debilitated, I would be debilitated. I believe that I am someone who has OCD. Not someone who is OCD. I find a lot of pleasure & satisfaction in engaging my healthier “compulsions”. I choose to engage in these behaviors. As a ritual > a compulsion. I feel that it adds more of a human meaning to the clinical experience that learning about + living with OCD can be. As a relaxation ritual, I will take 10-15 minutes to arrange crystals, various rocks, and other trinkets, that I have assigned personal value to. I practice mindfulness during this time. I light a few candles. I open my window. I pour a glass of water. I engage all of my sense (along with each of the 4 elements ((earth rocks, water cup, air window, fire candle))). I’ve lost several of these stones, and gained others. I aim to keep them safe for as long as possible. I have learned to cope with my emotions & obsessions by, instead of always trying to combat this OCD monster; let him out of the cage when I choose to do so. I believe that it’s important to accept that part of myself. I’ve noticed that trying to have “control” over it, only leads to it worsening in the long run. So I choose to let it out in my music, or in my art. As I understand: compulsions are the real issue with OCD. Everyone has obsessions / intrusive thoughts. But OCD’s complication is that we develop unhealthy obsessions, to cope with the distress caused by these mostly normal human feelings & behaviors. Then, we connect some greater meaning to our compulsions. Is this not just a more complex way of describing everyone? Do we not all compulsively do things? Are we as a society more riddled with OCD because of an increase in media, fast paced living, lack of control over our lives, and an ever growing + evolving world? If my compulsions are healthy & make me happy, is there as much of an issue to “solve”? Or is it more important to understand the deeper problems & trauma that I’ve been learning had started my OCD? I understand more about my fears, triggers, and specific obsessions, as I use the model of OCD to analyze them. But, it feels a bit strange to be seeing myself in this way. As if I have something wrong with me / that I need to see as “more of a problem”. I feel like a lot of well intentioned people are upset that I see it differently. That I see it as a part of my life + my way of being. If I spend time cleaning, making music, doing calisthenics, jewelry making, clothing customizing, painting, and using other mixed media mediums; is that the OCD doing it or is it me? Is having OCD & trying to “live a normal life” what causes so many people so much distress and pain? Or is it that OCD is an affliction of those who experience severe distress & pain, and it becomes an entity outside of themselves (inside of themselves)?

Hey y’all, sometimes on here and in videos, podcasts, etc, I hear “don’t chase the thoughts.” What does that look like for y’all in practice? I don’t want to compulsively push thoughts away, since I know they’ll come back stronger if I do. What is your middle ground?

I’ve never tried posting in this community or any online community for that matter, but my girlfriend of 8 years just told me she wanted to take a weeklong break 3 days ago. I know a week isn’t long and I believe everyone deserves space when they need it, I’ve been trying to give it to her. We’ve still ended up texting everyday (I made a rule with myself that I’d only text her if she texted me, so that the space is there if she wants it). These obviously aren’t our normal texts, the coldness and having to pretend this isn’t my other-half of 8 years is killing me. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD, but I’m almost positive I have rocd reocd. Ive been the type to make up problems in my head and obsess over them until I have to share my thoughts with her, this usually upsets her and we have a fight. She’s amazing, and I’d do anything for her, but shes not the reassuring type when I’m panicking about our relationship (not that that’s her responsibility). I have this awful feeling that when we talk about it after this week, she’s going to ask to just be friends. For some reason I just can’t do this, I can’t keep conversing this way with the woman Ive planned my life away with, I can’t keep living in this hell. I know that my delusions will get better once we move in together as they completely go away when we stay together, but I can’t help but feel that she’ll doubt this and want to break up anyway. As dramatic as I feel saying this, these last few days have been torture on my heart and mind. I can’t eat, and when I do I throw up and dry heave, I’ve lost 10 pounds in 3 days. My whole day is filled with random panic attacks and an inability to remain present and focused for more than 5 minutes. The panic attacks get much worse at night, not allowing me to sleep, and I just keep fearing the worst and obsessing over what I’m going to say or do to show her I’m serious about making this work. I’ve contacted two counselors and am meeting with one tomorrow, but I just don’t know what to do right now. I really appreciate anyone who read all this I just needed to put it somewhere.

Hi, Ever since I had a nervous breakdown a month ago, all I’ve been able to think about is the fact that I feel like I’m a murderer and that I do all these things to harm people. I feel like people have confronted me about it, I feel like I do these things. Just everything feels so real and I need help and I’m so confused if it’s OCD. I feel like I am at the point where it is a puzzle that I cannot solve. :(

all day yesterday i was trying my hardest to avoid a thought and fear that is starting to come back again and i think i was able to just push it out that it kinda went away. while i was walking my dogs and smoking i had gotten the thought back in my head and felt the anxiety struck. i tried labeling this as just and intrusive thought and go on with my night. while i was eating a snack and texting my friend the thought popped into my head that i was trying to avoid so much and it felt so real as if i was going to do this or i guess like it came as an image so i saw myself doing this and i just started panicking completely. i felt my heart just drop and as i was able to calm myself down a bit from this by labeling it a thought, telling myself i’m fine and okay, and focusing on my breathing i ran to my room to get ready for bed cause i didn’t want to feel anything at all i didn’t want to go through this again. now that i woke up super early with my mind already playing the whole thing back and me trying to tell myself this is a thought and freaking out in my bed for about 2 hours i’m trying to figure out what now. like i’m sitting here asking myself did you want to do this, why did it feel so really like it was going to actually happen, and just completely spiraling in my head that i feel so slow and completely drained. i saw my mom and i usually get excited to see her in the morning but i just felt so disconnected and distant and i just want out of this completely. i also feel just so much disgust like why does your kind think this way or about this or any of it and i hate it and i’m trying to just stay calm and distract myself. i know this is super long and if you read it thanks i just didn’t know if anyone else feels this way or gets this way or am i just a monster and all alone in this. i hope ppl relate and i’m not all alone.

Does this ever happen to anyone? I get very self critical in any social situation where I feel like I could have shown up better. Specifically around charisma. Ex. If I say bye very softly or if I leave abruptly, or do anything that could be perceived as awkward or weird, I spiral and obsess about the interaction. I will replay it over and over and feel so anxious about how I acted. I will beat myself up and criticize myself for not being charismatic or for potentially acting weird. It drives me insane, sometimes for more than 1-2 hours on end. does this happen to anyone else?

this fear that i’ve had in the past is coming back to the forefront of my mind today. i’m trying my hardest to not think of it but i feel like it is hanging over my head and i’m trying to keep going through my day. i keep playing in my head you’re fine and this is just thoughts and fears. i guess since i keep trying to avoid it it’s coming back harder but i just want to go back to when this fear and thought passed through my mind.

To start off, I'm new to the whole ROCD thing and I'm seeing a therapist but she doesn't specialize in OCD or ERP. I can't find any OCD specialists or people who do ERP near me and It's too expensive to do online. I feel like I'm just stuck so I'm asking for tips. To start off, I have an amazing, loving boyfriend who would do absolutely anything for me. However, I find myself constantly having the ROCD thoughts such as "You don't actually love him" "There's someone out there better for you" "You don't actually find him attractive" and such. One of the worst ones is sometimes I get scared or uncomfortable because I randomly think he's built like a child (he's just a shorter,skinnier guy) and I've had intrusive POCD thoughts before so it's really throwing me off and I don't know what to do. I recently told him I needed a break from our relationship, but my brain was yelling at me to break up. I think it was fear driven and my brain was just so foggy I couldn't decipher the truth from the fake thoughts anymore. I realized during a few days apart how much I absolutely cherished this man and wanted to be with him and how much I missed him, but I talked to him last night and all the negative thoughts came FLOODING back. I've been trying not to ruminate or give in on my compulsions (mainly searching google about everything) but I'm back to the point where I'm feeling all those thoughts I said above again. I really love him, and I don't want to lose him but I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm absolutely desperate for help at this point, I can't imagine my life without him but my brain wants him gone so so badly. My heart and my brain are fighting. If anyone has any tips, please please let me know. I'm at one of my lowest points right now.

So a over a month ago I had extremely bad health anxiety/OCD, I always was convinced I was dying but I never had a single doubt about my fiancée, I was scared of dying because I didn't want to lose our life together. I was then diagnosed with POTS, and the health anxieties dimished, but as soon as that did, something in my brain told me "you dont love him anymore" it startled me so much, I didn't understand what I was experiencing, it made me extremely nauseous and panicky, questioning my life. I so badly want to go back to the way it was before, I was so happy. Most of my intrusive thoughts feel like imagery, imagining my life without him, or a thought in my head that I dont recognize him, and "youre falling out of love". I am now super numb, can barely feel anything and its making me think all of this is true. Its like a lightswitch went off and my entire life got flipped upside down. I am also experiencing depersonalization/derealization. I know I love him, I know I do, but now I feel this overwhelming numbness. Its also affecting how I see things I enjoy, I love horror movies, but something in my brain says I don't all the sudden. I know I enjoy like creating art, or having a fascination with bears but my brain is saying " you dont like that anymore" Why is it so convincing. I just want to feel like me again. Has anyone had a similar experience? Love to all❤️

I have ADHD + OCD and no post has ever given me more perspective, it’s amazing to have somebody write out what I have been feeling. Give it a chance, let me know how it makes you feel. I have taken this from u/evergreenjay on reddit. Find the original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/uhjndw/a_masterpost_of_what_ive_learned_after_a_4_year/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf A masterpost of what I've learned after a 4 year long battle with OCD I've always thought about making a post like this since so many people come on here scared, newly diagnosed and just overall understandably confused. **I don't consider myself as fully recovered, I've had a lot of ups and downs and a relapse just recently. I just feel like I gathered a ton of information and tools during these years that maybe could be helpful to share.** **The basics of OCD** Learning about intrusive thoughts, the OCD cycle and compulsions is the first big step. To give you a brief rundown of these 3 key concepts: * **Intrusive thoughts.** They are thoughts (but they can also be images!) that pop up in a very unexpected way in your mind, they often cause anxiety and the content of these thoughts **scares** you or unsettles you. They are not wanted, and the content, especially with some subtypes, is egodystonic to the person that has the thought: that means that they probably think the opposite of that thought. The subject of our intrusive thoughts is something/someone we often value a lot, even if the intrusive thoughts make it seem like the opposite. There's a million example of intrusive thoughts, because we could have them about anything! They sometimes start as "what ifs", but they can also sound like commands, or start with "I wants". A few examples (big trigger warning for , well, everything) : "What if I hate my family and want to kill them?", "What if the door is unlocked and my daughter is going to get kidnapped", "What if I'm actually trans and have been lying to myself?", "Do I want to cheat on my girlfriend with a guy?", "I contracted AIDS but didn't realize it until now!", "There's definitely poison in this drink", "I want to break up with my boyfriend but don't have the guts to", "I'm a terrible person because I did X in the past, I'm disgusting", "What if I commited a crime that I don't remember?". As you see, the content of these thoughts is unsettling, very polarized and often aggressive towards yourself. * **Compulsions.** When we have these intrusive thoughts, we really feel a need to calm down because they hit you in an unexplainable, horrible way. The first automatic response is to **ruminate** as a way to make sure that the thought is wrong, and that's the main compulsion that we all. Let's take the first of the examples. You'd probably start thinking "What? NO! I love my family, I went on vacation with them a week ago, we had so much fun, they're the most important people in my life" and on and on. The problem is that by doing this you're actually feeding the OCD, that would probably respond to you with other intrusive thoughts, like "Well, you fight often with your mom. Who says you won't lose control one day and do it?". That is going to scare you even further and ruminate even further. Some people just ruminate as a compulsion, but many others have other compulsion that give you, for an extremely brief period of time, some relief from the anxiety. There are a million compulsions and they're often specific to the subtype : people with ROCD check their feelings with their SO or "test" their attraction, people with checking OCD go back and check the locks , people with contamination OCD wash their hands / bedding / furniture, people with false memory OCD check for evidence. There's also people who count, touch specific surfaces, pray, do a specific action with their body, say a specific things... there's a world of compulsions. As you can see, there are physical compulsions and "purely mental" compulsions. And even if you don't do any of these things, you still do the main compulsions that is common to all of us: rumination. What you need to know is that while compulsions make you feel okay for 5 minutes, you'll go back to feeling anxious again if not worse. The more you do those compulsions, the more you get stuck in the cycle and feel extremely scared if you don't do them. * **The OCD cycle.** You get the intrusive thought --> you feel scared /unsettled by it --> you feel like you need to ruminate or do any other compulsion to feel okay --> you give in to the compulsion --> brief relief --> you feel even more scared and unsettled. * **How do I get unstuck?** By refraining from doing any compulsion, by sitting with the anxiety of the thought but not do anything about it. Ride the wave of the anxiety and of the uncertainty. Respond with "I don't know, we'll see", "It could be, who knows", "Maybe!" and then don't ruminate any further. This is what you practice in ERP and CBT therapy. **The basics of starting recovery and what is helpful** * **CBT therapy and ERP**. When I started showing symptoms I was in talk therapy, and it made my OCD 10000 times worse. This therapist had almost no knowledge on what was effective for OCD and instead tried to connect everything to my past, which was useful in some way but didn't do anything to help me practically with compulsions, intrusive thoughts etc. If you have even the slightest doubt about having OCD or not, always see an OCD therapist or at least a CBT based one. * **Self administered ERP**. I had some moments in these years where I wasn't seeing a therapist for multiple reasons, so I relied on ERP by myself with the NOCD app and it really did help a lot. Of course, it's always going to be more effective with a therapist but it definitely helped keep me afloat. * **Keeping your health in check.** I think it's extremely important to realize what stressors in your life trigger an OCD episode the most. For example, I know that for a lot of people having their eating schedule messed up really triggers them. For me, it's sleep. If I sleep even an hour less than 8 hours I will be a mess all day long. Fighting OCD is hard as fuck. Don't make it harder for yourself by not sleeping well, not getting exercise, and in general neglecting your health. * **Trying your hardest not to seek reassurance.** You've probably heard this word being thrown around a lot here. It sounds just logical to seek reassurance when you have doubts, the thing is that reassurance for people with OCD is like heroin. It gives you that very short but strong "hit", and then you need more and more to be okay. The problem is that, just like a drug, OCD can never get enough of reassurance. The more you ask for it, the more you feel like you need to ask more because OCD needs you to be 1000% sure about your worry, and that's an impossible goal to reach. This WILL have an impact on your relationships and friendships. A lot of people, in an attempt to avoid seeking reassurance from their loved ones, they come on here to ask for it but it's just as harmful! **Some more things that have personally helped** * **Working on my trauma**. OCD can be a trauma response in relation to some core belief you have about yourself. In my case, my core beliefs are that I am not trustworthy and I am in general , a very flawed and idiotic person, so my instincts and choices are always going to be wrong. OCD "helps" me feel a fake sense of certainty around things that worry me. When I hand over my life choices to OCD I feel safer because I don't have to take that risk of making my own personal decisions, because I see them as inherently stupid. * **Exercise.** I know that when you're at your lowest with OCD the last thing you want to do is to move and sweat and feel more tired than you already feel. But it works, trust me. You really need to try it and stick to it a few times to really feel it. It gets you out of your head, it makes you feel lighter, it clears your head even if just for a moment, and it helps with serotonin levels. * **Adopting some life philosophy principles.** Even if I've been diagnosed only for 4 years, I've had OCD for almost all of my life. And that shapes your views on life. My therapist helped me realized that I think that there is always an objective truth, that letting go of control means things always going south, that there's just black and white , and that if you aren't certain about something and still live your life regardless you're a bad person. I had to unlearn all of these things plus more, for example the fact that I have such a hard time trusting my decisions. I think trying to reshape the way you view life and unlearning all of these ideals that stem from OCD can have a very important impact on your recovery. You can be extremely good at dealing with intrusive thoughts, but if at your core you still believe that there can be 1000% certainty about everything that will really halt you. This will also really help when you face relapses, because it will give you that security of having solid principles that show why OCD is always wrong. * **Having a solid support network.** This doesn't mean that you need to explain or tell about your diagnosis to everyone, especially when we know how many people know nothing about OCD and is also so very stigmatized. But having a social outlet can be extremely helpful, because OCD thrives in isolation. Just being in the presence of a loved one, doing outdoor activities together can really have a positive impact. * **Connecting with people here in these subs.** A lot of people just use these subs to seek reassurance, but it can be a great place to connect with people that have our same struggles in a way that's not reassurance-seeking. Sharing our stories, listening to other people's experiences really makes you feel not alone. Also, trying to help people that post here really gives me insight on how to deal with my own struggles. It's always easier to help someone else rather than ourselves, so you can use that to really resonate around OCD in a way that's less anxiety inducing compared to when you need to deal with your own thoughts. **Around ROCD (one of my main themes)** * Your partner is a human. If you let ROCD run rampant in your relationship, if you confess a lot, if you break up as a compulsion, if you lash out and get aggressive because of intrusive thoughts you will hurt your partner a lot. A lot a lot. I empathize with you because I've been there multiple times, but we really need to make the effort not to bleed on the other person because of our wounds. * Make a list of all the feelings that you think are wrong to feel in a relationship. A lot of common ones are boredom, irritation, anger. Try and make and effort to sit with those feelings instead of doing something about it. Make them part of your love life, not a deranged mistake that you make. * Relationships are complex and OCD wants you to have 100000% certainty on a part of your life that can never be that certain. The difference between you and other people in a relationship is not that they are 1000% certain, it's that they are okay with that 1% uncertainty. **Some other things that I think are generally helpful** * **Stay the hell away from advice subs.** I made a whole post on it but you can probably guess why it's so bad for you. * **Mindfulness activities.** I think these can be great once you're in a more stable place as they can be very triggering, because they make you much more aware of your intrusive thoughts. I've done the headspace course on anxiety once or twice and loved it. There's a lot of ways to meditate: being in nature and walking in silence, "traditional" eyes-closed meditation, meditative yoga etc. * **Work on every other comorbidity you may have.** If you have more than one mental disorder, one may trigger the other and it can be a very frustrating experience. Even if you're fully recovered from OCD, being in the trenches with, say, an eating disorder makes it really hard for you not to relapse with OCD. * **Cut social media time in half.** Or cut it off completely if you manage to. Mindlessly scrolling when you have OCD can be a legit DRUG. It makes you numb and it muffles the intrusive thoughts' noise. At one point my phone usage was 11 hours. It makes you stressed, anxious, feel less than, can give your brain fog... essentially the perfect mix for an OCD flare up. * **Be consistent with therapy.** I think this point is so important. Even once you are recovered, it's still so crucial to go to therapy, even monthly is okay. My worst relapse happened because I could feel myself getting worse but I had been out of therapy for months and didn't want to admit to myself that I needed help again. Having that session every X days helps you check in yourself and catch relapses before they snowball. * **Avoid confessing.** I know OCD makes it seem only logical to tell your SO /family /friends about your intrusive thoughts so that you do the "right" thing and tell them "the truth". This only impacts negatively your relationships. Telling everyone each of your intrusive thoughts only makes you feel better for 3 seconds and has no real use in your life unless you're telling them to a therapist. It can lead you to really hurt your loved ones feelings, for example with ROCD. Your partner can feel very hurt listening to the intrusive thoughts, even if they have no meaning. * **Live your life.** I'd like to conclude on this note. OCD makes you feel like you have a massive obstacle in life and that doing "big" things can be too much of a risk. Challenge that. Go on trips, make experiences, try a million hobbies and meet a million people, live your life to the best you can even if there's OCD. Bring it along for the ride. And that's because you have two choices : either agreeing with OCD and give up on your life, or bring the fucker with you for the ride. Having a life full of things to do is a much greater enemy to OCD. **What I think about the most popular accounts on OCD** * Mark Freeman - not a therapist but has never claimed to be one. He gives great advice that is based on evidence, his videos are super entertaining to the point that I was following him out of curiosity rather than a need to deal with my OCD. He can explain extremely complex subjects in a very simple way and I think that’s an absolute gift. * Anxietyjosh - Really like him. I don’t particularly enjoy his format per se, the kind of account that posts a million tweets with these truth nuggets that are of course very heplful, but it gives a lot of chaotic energy lol. * OCDrecoveryuk - Just no. He’s a scammer and has in general proved to be a very sketchy guy all around. If you want to know more, try to search his name in this sub , the story is way too long for me to write it here. * NOCD - I know that there are very mixed reviews about their therapy services but I never tried them so I can’t say. I found the app to be very helpful, it’s very nice to have your own app with erp exercises, community threads, SOS support etc. I’m really interested to try one of their support groups in the near future. * Awaken into love - This is a very hard one for me. On one hand, this is one of the first, if not the first channel, that brought awareness around ROCD and I know so many people in this community will be forever grateful for that. My problem with her is that even if she’s never far off with her explaining of OCD, I find that her solutions are a little odd. It seems like she often transforms OCD from an individual problem to a couples problem and I think that’s a little dangerous. She talks a lot about deepening connections, opening up more, putting the work in your relationship and that’s awesome, but it’s not really the point to me when it comes to OCD. OCD is an individual problem, it’s not a problem of the couple. Don’t get me wrong, everythings she says I think it’s 100% spot on and it’s wisdom everyone should reflect on. But all of this talk around relationship hardships to me relates more to relationship anxiety…? * Obsessivelyeverafter - certified therapist with a past with OCD. Love her, honest and trasparent and isn’t afraid to show the dark parts of OCD. * Youranxietytoolkit - OCD specialist on ig. Recommended! * Sheeva Rajee (shrinkwrap) : another big name regarding ROCD. I feel like she’s more focused on CBT, ERP based recovery than Kiyomi . I feel like she balances the wisdom part around relationships in general and knowledge around OCD well. I haven’t read her book yet but I’ve heard fantastic things. Other accounts I really like: OCD and Anxiety on youtube, theocdstories podcast, jenna overbaugh, ocdoodles, ocdexcellence, anxiouslovecoach EDIT: I'm going to add a few things that were brought up in the comments that were really good points, as well as some other things I wanted to add. **What about medication?** Medication can be great and very effective for OCD. I 100% think that if you want to go on medication you should also pair it with therapy , in fact it's the standard advice that professionals give, but medication can really help you not hit extreme lows. I personally just have a benzodiazepine that I use when I have severe anxiety, I initially wanted to go on medication but I have a few other meds that I'm on for other health conditions that are already giving me side effects, so the worry was that mixing them would cause more harm than good. However, if I ever feel like the benefits would be higher than the "risks" I'd gladly take them. I also think you can recover without meds! They are an awesome tool, and it's your choice wether to use it or not. If you are on the fence about this, your therapist or family doctor can help you. **What if I can't afford therapy?** This is, sadly, the case for many. I also had to stop for a while because of the cost and going back made me feel extremely guilty and anxious about the financial side of it. Given that mental health shouldn't be a luxury and it's beyond cruel that to get the right treatment you have to pay unspeakable amounts of money, there are some options. 1. First of all, look up if there is any kind of sliding scale / free limited sessions program in your country. This varies a lot from place to place. 2. Secondly, we luckily have a lot of books that were written by therapists or fellow sufferers that are absolute gems and that walk you through your OCD recovery. I'll put a list of my favourites below. I have read a lot of them especially when I wasn't in therapy and they are amazing, I now use them as reminders whenever I feel worse, because they condense a million things on OCD in very simple explanations. 3. Support groups. There are online support groups popping up everywhere nowadays! NOCD has a lot of support groups for a lot of OCD subtypes. 4. The NOCD app. Like I said in my first points, you can self administer ERP if you don't have a very hard time with it. I'd **definitely** avoid it if it triggers you to the point of not functioning or wanting to harm yourself , but if it triggers your anxiety in a "reasonable" amount, I'd say go for it. They have this ERP exercise layout that is super cool and that makes you track your progress. They also have some resources to help you during a crisis and a community chatroom. **Books I've read and loved about OCD** [You are not a rock (Mark Freeman)](https://www.amazon.it/You-Are-Rock-Step-step/dp/0143132601) [The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy](https://www.amazon.it/Mindfulness-Workbook-Ocd-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1684035635/ref=pd_sim_sccl_2_5/258-0448772-0821427?pd_rd_w=l213R&pf_rd_p=0a8fd29c-6c57-4a75-a733-6fbd6f4ebb63&pf_rd_r=W43DF3XF2JFCM33626R2&pd_rd_r=5d262008-cdc9-42da-bddb-f3379a756260&pd_rd_wg=0sy2h&pd_rd_i=1684035635&psc=1) [The ACT Workbook for OCD: Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Exposure Skills to Live Well with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder](https://www.amazon.it/Mindfulness-Acceptance-Workbook-Ocd-Integrating/dp/168403289X/ref=pd_sim_sccl_2_14/258-0448772-0821427?pd_rd_w=l213R&pf_rd_p=0a8fd29c-6c57-4a75-a733-6fbd6f4ebb63&pf_rd_r=W43DF3XF2JFCM33626R2&pd_rd_r=5d262008-cdc9-42da-bddb-f3379a756260&pd_rd_wg=0sy2h&pd_rd_i=168403289X&psc=1) [The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD: Lean into Your Fear, Manage Difficult Emotions, and Focus On Recovery](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Workbook-OCD-Difficult-Emotions/dp/168403776X/) [Relationship OCD: A CBT-Based Guide to Move Beyond Obsessive Doubt, Anxiety, and Fear of Commitment in Romantic Relationships](https://www.amazon.com/Relationship-OCD-CBT-Based-Commitment-Relationships-ebook/dp/B08WHWXM7Q) Other books that I have not read but heard good things: [The OCD Answer Book: Professional Answers to More Than 250 Top Questions about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder](https://www.amazon.com/OCD-Answer-Book-Professional-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1402210582/) [Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty, Updated Edition](https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized-ebook/dp/B00DYX9PX8/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=Y4Oq7&pf_rd_p=29505bbf-38bd-47ef-8224-a5dd0cda2bae&pf_rd_r=ZR6QW1WRSK6NM6N6HYHF&pd_rd_r=e82e763a-d18a-4d57-8bb9-0e96e2f6c0df&pd_rd_wg=1n7fc&ref_=pd_gw_ci_mcx_mr_hp_atf_m) [Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts](https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening-ebook/dp/B01LWA5RQU/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2GN59ZQGB697Y&keywords=overcoming+unwanted+intrusive+thoughts&qid=1651615472&s=digital-text&sprefix=overcoming+%2Cdigital-text%2C324&sr=1-1)

As a child I struggled a lot with repetitive thoughts, and feeling like I had to do certain things to prevent bad things from happening. For example, I would get up a million times in the middle of the night to check if the sink was off, or make sure I if I looked one way I had to look the other way the same amount of times. I still struggle with similar thoughts, but now I deal with a voice inside my head constantly bringing up repetitive thoughts, and a lot of anxiety. Can anyone relate? I just started Zoloft because I think all of this indicates that I have OCD, but I am looking for some clarity. Will Zoloft even help? Please comment if you have any advice.

I’m trying to be vulnerable and share here about my experience. I’m just gonna let myself write and not think I’m crazy or try to delete.. I find myself feeling alone a lot, feeling crazy, being unsure why I can’t just snap out of it. I know my past caused this in me (I experienced 2 large traumas - sexual abuse by a parent and parent death) But i find myself obsessed with asking myself why and trying to change the past in my mind. Trying to move on. Thinking maybe if I find out more I’ll feel better. It feels like I can never have a complete good day like I can never feel good. i have happy moments, but if it’s not perfect which I logically know no day is.. I feel upset by my day. Somethings always wrong in my head. I can’t get through a day without thinking my husbands mad at me, or he’s not the actual one for me (we’ve been together 11 years…) or that I can try to solve what I’m feeling by just keeping my house clean, exercising, eating healthy, journaling, meditating. It’s almost like my compulsions have become healthy ones. I feel safe not doing some of them, but if it’s been more than a couple days - I begin to feel bad about it and say “well this is why I feel bad - I’m doing it to myself” Lately, I’ve been experiencing outbursts where I hear the thought telling me to think rationally, but it’s as if I can’t control it and then I’m in a yelling fight with my husband who’s simply trying to be there for me.. I just feel so scared to trust him because my intrusive thoughts tell me he’s out to get me, he’s gonna die, a lot. I’m on Zoloft and have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, buT OCD was never brought up. It wasn’t until I searched something in July of 2022 trying to figure out why i had such intense thoughts about leaving my husband but no desire to actually leave that I started to realize I might have it. Since then I’ve improved and I’ve gotten bad. My OCD is around work. Around things being perfect. Around my relationships - always afraid I’m not acting right or I’m going to hurt peoples feelings. Even coming here and interacting feels scary - my ocd wants me to feel alone I guess. I also feel nervous that I over share and people will think I’m crazy. I really don’t want to post this.

Hey guys Sorry if this is an obvious question but I’m really not doing great at the moment. Is someone able to explain exactly what HOCD is and possibly how to tell if I have it? Here’s a little about me. I have thoughts I don’t like/ don’t want to like. Throughout the day. Everyday. That although my head tries to convince me I like it, it causes extreme anxiety and distress. I would say more than often they are intrusive. Often I ask for reassurance that I have OCD from people close to me because although I have been somewhat diagnosed. I still struggle to believe it. My other side effects: * near enough complete loss of attraction * ‘proof’ that haunts me from my past * complete loss of libido Any support here would be greatly appreciated. All the best 💚

Anyone feel like they are sociopaths/psychopaths because they have this subtype of OCD? do you feel that subtypes like harm OCD were created to just cover for being either one of those antisocial disorders? I’m exhausted been dealing with this for 15 years. I look back to when I was younger I was a happy kid. I don’t know how I got here. I was bullied by classmates in middle school. High school I wasn’t popular. I tried to fit in, I tried buying my friends thinking they would like me more. As I got older I realized they were losers and there was nothing wrong with me. I never did drugs or get drunk. I tried marijuana because of peer pressure had bad reaction so I never did it again. It just drives me up a wall why am I like this?

Hello I am new to this application. I am 34 years old and I’m not sure if I have OCD but I’ve noticed that the last two weeks I have been having these horrible thoughts I can’t believe I am having them. It makes me so sad and scared and I can’t seem to stop crying. I’m going on week two feeling this way and can’t seem to get myself out of it. How can I possibly have thoughts about harming my child? They are the precious gift from God. They’re my flesh and bone how can I?? The anxiety I get every day has turned into having it all day and night, just the thought of How I can could possibly think of such thing, now followed by depression and lack of sleep. I have never had this problem ever up until now. I can’t even watch any crime shows or the news because it spikes my anxiety. I can’t even look at anything like knives, guns because it causes me major distress.

Hi I have tired erp therapy not for long enough tho helped to a certain extent but has anyone tried any medications that actually work ? I have never tried any and just want to see if anyone’s notice good amount of difference with their ocd /rocd once taking medication ?

Hi, so I have never been diagnosed with ocd but it runs in my family. I hadn’t really struggled with intrusive thoughts as much until recently. (TW: discussion of triggering content) So on Xmas day, i was watching random YouTube videos and came across a true crime one and they had gone over his case and how he did bad things to kids and regarding kids (SA). They mentioned a website where the criminal had gotten certain content abt children and it triggered me for some reason. I’ve heard these kinds of things before and I’ve watched other crime videos and stuff but for some reason my little adhd brain attached to the website name and my brain went that’s an easy find. And then from there it spiraled and I started wondering why I cared if that stuff was there and that I must be awful bc obviously I want to see it but I didn’t and don’t. But my brain convinced me I did. And then when i went to work the next day (i work at a daycare) i found out that some random person had sent that kind of stuff to our work computer and someone described it to me and i couldn’t get the images out of my head. I started seeing these things around my kids and then my brain started to mess with me even more and I freaked out and then my brain supplied images of me doing stuff and i freaked out more and made myself sick and felt awful the rest of my shift. I would never hurt my kids and I have never had these thoughts before. But my brain latched onto these thoughts and it sucked and it tried to convince me that I’ve always wanted this stuff but i haven’t. I went home and continued to freak out internally. I never went onto that website but I did go to regular adult ones I knew and typed in words to report anything I saw and to make sure I’d never see anything but I found nothing. I felt like I had to type these things or id explode. And then I felt disgusting for needing to in the first place. And then recently I checked myself to see if I would react to any of those thoughts in /that/ way and I feel gross for checking and stuff. Im so scared. My whole career goals and life goals revolve around kids and helping them and now I have these awful images and intrusive thoughts. And I’m afraid of myself. I can’t eat or sleep that well, im always anxious, i can’t live anymore and I’m scared. I did research and found out about pocd and how ocd can do this to people after triggering situations and such. And then I found this app and it has shown me so much. Honestly Im afraid of what people will think of me, even on here. I just want everything to go away and to go back to being happy and somewhat care-free, at least in this aspect. If any of y’all have advice I’d love it. I promise im not seeking reassurance as I read abt the detriments of that too, i just don’t want to feel alone. Sorry for the long post, I hope you all are doing well.

My intrusive thoughts make me feel so evil. I know they are not real but I feel so alone. I know that none of my friends and family would truly understand my thoughts. I feel so wrong all the time as I if I don’t deserve any love and help. I don’t know how much longer I could live like this. This all started a little over 2 weeks ago. I started spiraling but now I feel out of control. Like my brain is having its own party while I’m locked inside of a cage. Any words of encouragement? I don’t understand I used to have a normal life doing what I wanted and thinking freely and then all of a sudden my mind started spiraling. Has this happened to anyone ? Does anyone understand?