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My last ERP therapist was aggressive. Not sure if it’s supposed to be that way but I always felt worse after our sessions. Is that suppose to happen? Can ERP not work for everyone?

learning about ocd and specifically pure o has made me think that maybe, just maybe, i’m not crazy

Yesterday I posted on here that I got extremely anxious and scared because I read someone on here say they purposely thought about the intrusive thoughts and actually enjoyed them. I started panicking a ton. But soon later my post was flagged because it sounded like I was asking for reassurance. That kinda upset me. Because I know reassurance is bad but I was really spiraling. And all I really needed was for someone to say like hey it’s okay to panic but you can’t allow it to control you. I was doing a bit better until reading that. So for anyone who has become convinced they’re a bad person, how do you not lose you hope and get out of that mindset. Because as soon as I become convinced I then lose my hope and feel like my only option is suicide. I’m not asking for reassurance. Just some advice and to know if anyone can relate.

Hey everyone! I'm new to this community, but I thought I'd share some thoughts about acceptance and ownership when it comes to physical compulsions. I'd love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to reply. Also, this is not mental health advice and is not the right perspective for everyone – I found it helpful in my journey, but it goes without saying that this approach is by no means the correct or best one, and different things will work for different people :) Finally, this perspective is focused on physical compulsions and won't make sense for mental ones. I used to say things like "OCD made me check it," or "OCD is being loud," or "my OCD is really bad today." These are totally understandable phrases and there's nothing wrong with them, and it often feels like OCD is controlling our behaviour. This is one of the hardest parts of the disorder. But I realised that speaking about OCD in this way makes it sound like an illness or ailment that you possess – something that is external to yourself that is influencing or controlling your behaviour. I found that the more I blamed OCD for my behaviour, however, the more I started to give up. "OCD made me do that," I would say, feeling sorry for myself. I would pass the responsibility onto the disorder, not accepting it for myself. Whilst it's true that neural pathways and chemical imbalances are to blame for much of our OCD suffering, it is *also* very, very importantly true, that *you are still in control.* Even when it feels like you aren't, you can still make the choice to walk away, stop, or do whatever it is that you want to do. (Critically, this is not the case for mental compulsions, rituals, rumination, and the like. This only really applies to checking and other physical compulsions. If you suffer from mental compulsions, it is absolutely true that you can't control your thoughts, so don't blame yourself for what pops into your head - it doesn't represent you! It's just noisy brain activity in a brain evolved to protect us from any possible threat, so it can go into overdrive sometimes and start throwing things at us that don't really make sense). When I blamed my OCD for my behaviour, I gave it control. I said, "OCD made me do it," and I became blameless. Blamelessness is nice, but it also equals powerlessness. If I wanted to change my behaviour, I would have to own it - I needed to recognise that, in truth, OCD didn't make me do it. I did. The only way to change my behaviour was to accept responsibility for it and acknowledge that I made the choice to do it. And the flip side to this somewhat dismaying revelation is that, if I made the choice to do it, I could also have made the choice *not* to do it. So next time you feel like blaming your OCD for your suffering or for a physical compulsion, you might want to gently remind yourself of two things: Firstly, that you *are* choosing to do this. BUT. Because you are choosing to do this, you also have the power to choose *not* to do this. OCD is not controlling you. If you can take responsibility for your compulsions, you might find that you have power over them, instead of the other way around! :) Have a lovely day!

I'm pretty sure my 6y.o child has ocd. She often ruminates on subjects like me or her dad dying, and the end of the world. Late last night as she cried, she asked me, "Will I have a different family at the end of the world?" She's also dealt with depression (in winter), and she "spaces out" during times like this, which I think must be her dissociating. This all started at...I think almost 5. ☹️ Part of me used to feel guilt because I believed she must have inherited these mental illnesses from me. But it's not anyones fault. I'm just not sure how to talk to her about this in a way she would understand, and without offering the reassurance she seeks as a way to comfort, because, as someone with ocd myself, I know that doesn't help. I can't afford more therapy right now (I don't think she'd open up to a stranger anyway). Can anyone offer advice??

With OCD I feel like I’m more scared of myself. I will sometimes try to ignore watching something with a kid in it because I’m scared I’ll feel some sort of attraction. And I get really uncomfortable with myself if that kid is really young or isn’t in clothing. So I tend to try to distract myself. And once I feel like I’m having a groinal response I start to panic and feel like you know what, it’s probably not OCD and I’m just a bad person so I should just end my life. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I feel like I’m so different from everyone else with POCD because they know they won’t act on them, they just get intrusive thoughts. And I feel like I could possibly act on them. And I would hate myself for coming to that point in my life. I can’t even look at a guy I like because I start questioning why I like them? Is it because they have childlike features? Is it because they’re goofy and it reminds me of a child? I feel so gross and I’ve grown such a hatred for myself. I’ve come so close to suicide many times since this has started. I just want to know how can you just move past this? Because I feel like it would be selfish of me to not take this seriously. I feel like I should report myself or something. I’ll question myself if I want to hurt a kid. And I honestly don’t know anymore. I’ve lost so much confidence in myself. I don’t know who I am. And I fear I’ve become the person I’ve always feared and hated.

I'm 26 and have had OCD symptoms since I was a small child. My grandfather is diagnosed OCD, and my parents were very concerned that I had OCD as a kid. I believe that I "grew out" of most of my noticeable compulsions/rituals as I grew up. (I probably just learned to cope a bit) but the intrusive thoughts are incredibly overwhelming sometimes, the intrusive thoughts seemed to just get worse as I grew up. I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2010. In 2010, I was also diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Agoraphobia, but that diagnosis doesn't seem off-base, as anxiety has ruled my life for as long as I can remember. I thought about trying to get diagnosed properly, as I believe my Bipolar Disorder diagnosis was just childhood trauma (willing to expound on that later on) but I'm also worried that it might not help. What if it doesn't change anything? I've made it 26 years while coping (barely coping, sometimes) so I just wanted to ask, Has a diagnosis really changed your life? (Thanks in advance)

i’m not sure if this is an OCD symptom but sometimes i’ll feel like someone’s watching me and feel the need to cover certain things or recover things. for example, whenever i use the restroom i’ll turn off my phone and leave it in my room or turn it off and keep it with me if i’m in a public place. or sometimes i’ll think someone i like is watching me and i’ll do something different like “oh if they’re watching me, let me do this instead just in case.” does anyone else do this?

To anyone who has POCD and has had a successful recovery, how does your day to day life look like now? Do you still have those thoughts in the back of your mind and just not let them bother you? Or have you gone about your days without even thinking about it at all? Has your life somewhat been back to normal? Do you still have harder days? And how often? Have you gained trust and confidence in who you are? Do you not allow OCD to make you question yourself? The reason I ask is because I worry that though I might get “better” I still will have hard days like every other week. Like having to have good days but deep down knowing you’re going to struggle with this for the rest of your life. Because personally I just can’t possibly imagine having to knowingly do ERP everyday for the rest of my life just to not crumble and fall apart. Yes I might be “better” at handling it, it will still be something I’m gonna have to be focusing on not allowing OCD to take over. I just want to live my life how I used to. Not having to try everyday to fall apart, ignoring thoughts, forcing myself to be uncomfortable, having to resist questioning things, and faking being okay with what I’m going through. It gets tiring having to do those things everyday. It’s so much easier to just give up. I’m doing my best to not give up. But the thought of having to fight OCD everyday and knowingly sounds much worse than just giving up. I feel like I’m a pretty reasonable person so having to live through this just doesn’t sound worth it and I think it’s pretty messed up to shame someone for wanting to “give up” if you know what I mean. So If there’s no true good outcome after consistent hard work. I think mental illnesses can be just as bad as a physical illness. But we don’t shame them for giving up a treatment because there’s no actual cure. We understand they can’t deal with the pain anymore and want to be set free. But when it comes to mental illness, being set free is looked down upon. But maybe there is no cure or good outcome and all we want is to be set free.

I know comparing themes is bad but I just want a few opinions

OCD can be anywhere from bothersome to devastating. For many of us, this is the hardest, most painful part of our life. Yet somehow pain has a way of making us into really special people if we let it… How has OCD changed your life for the better? I’m in the thick of my journey right now, I start erp therapy next week. Its tempting to feel alone, bitter, and like I’m the only one who has ever experienced this. I am looking for hope from those who have walked this road before me!

For those who remember my post from the other day about feeling suicidal. I am again. I’ve even reached best ways to end your life. None sound good enough to make sure I do die for sure. I’m not telling anyone because I cannot go back to the mental hospital. I just can’t keep living with this. I’m hurting. I hate myself so much and I feel like I would be doing the world a favor if I end my life. Because the world doesn’t need another evil person. And I fear I might just be one. I want to cry out for help. But nothing is gonna make this so called “OCD” just go away. It will never go away. Maybe simmer down but never be gone. Everyday feels like a never ending battle. I can’t keep living like this.

I was recently diagnosed with OCD. Probably more along the lines more of Pure O. . . Very very distressing intrusive thoughts and fears. I can see how it's likely been an issue most of my adult life but really exacerbated lately. It's exhausting. Has caused a significant disruption in my life and it Feels like a constant mental battle. Has anyone had luck with medication? I was recommended for lexapro. Tried it for 3 days and felt awful. Is the ERP therapy usually effective without medication? I'm on the wait list for a nocd therapist as they say they don't currently have any available in my state.

I’m suddenly really struggling right now. I’m having suicidal thoughts and I feel like the best option for me is to do it. My family really really loves me but I don’t think I can do it. I wish I felt I could live for them but I feel like that’s selfish of me because what if I’m actually a bad person. I’ve seen people talking on here saying they’ve struggled for more than 20 years and I’ve only been struggling for a few months. And this is absolute torture. I cant imagine living like this for that long. Because that chance of me being a bad person or not being able to live the life I wanted is a chance I feel I can’t take. I know in order to overcome ocd you need to accept the either or. But I don’t feel strong enough. I wish I was different.

Anyone feel like you have ruined your life through giving into ocd compulsions? Or the choices you made in life that led to ocd symptoms getting sparked in the first place? I know healing is very possible, but right now i am remembering so many important moments in my life that have been “robbed” by ocd… :( I know this may continue to happen. The intrusive thoughts. The numb emotions. The constant checking to see if I’m in the present moment, which is exactly what takes me from the present moment. I wish I could go back in time and make different choices so my ocd didn’t flair up and rob important moments in my life that I had dreamed of for so long. Feeling bitter. Have you been where I am right now?

Does anybody else experience delusional intrusive thoughts? I have a very big fear of developing schizophrenia or becoming delusional. And it seems that a lot of my intrusive thoughts are delusional intrusive thoughts that I fight.

If so could you let me know how it’s worked for you? I might be prescribed that by my psychiatrist soon and I’m a little anxious about taking it, but if it helps with the intrusive thoughts then I’m all for it.

everything’s been really terrifying and loud lately and i found myself not leaving the house if i could avoid it, missing classes and appointments etc. i don’t WANT to give into the illnesses; i don’t WANT it to take my freedom. so i started going to class again. i haven’t been doing much else - i don’t eat out very much anymore, i send other people to the grocery store, and i’ve moved important meetings and appointments online. anyways, i’m sitting in class right now and battling the urge to leave. i made an agreement with myself that i could leave at the break if i still needed to. but i recognize that that is ALSO giving into the illnesses, and i don’t wanna concede more than i already have. i just feel so afraid all the time, and home is so much less overwhelming than anywhere else. i’m looking for people who have also experienced this. do y’all have any tips on how to manage? i feel like i’m going absolutely insane.

I'm unsure if this is even an actual intrusive thought, but occasionally I go through batches of intense insecurity over my appearance. Last night in particular, it got really bad, as I was scrolling through social media and looking at reels of different women and compared myself to them. I felt intense self hatred over my face and hair consuming my mind, and I fully believed that I am genuinely so ugly, especially compared to everyone I know and that there's nothing I can do about it, which lead to me having a big melt down. Before that, I had originally felt fine until I started having intrusive thoughts about different things out of nowhere. Usually when I feel bad, I text my boyfriend and he tries to help me feel better, but he wasn't responding much because he was playing games with his family. I tried to play some games myself to feel better before that happened, but it didn't work. I feel like I can never make myself feel better on my own. I'm also worried because I was having intrusive thoughts of the act of trying to talk to him being me seeking reassurance itself and I shouldn't do that and that he wasn't responding to me because he doesn't care and he's tired of listening to my problems and all that. I know those are intrusive thoughts and I try to ignore them. Everything all at once was just getting to me and I'm unsure of what the right thing to do was. I worry that anything I might do could be a compulsion despite atleast a majority of my compulsions being mental and worrying about how he feels about me or if he even likes me or wants to talk to me and I worry about my face and not liking it at all or if I'll ever like myself and it's all just a jumble of different things. I don't know what the right thing to do is, genuinely. Usually he will call me and we talk or play a game together so I get distracted and not worry, but when I'm by myself I can't get myself to even want to do anything besides lay down and ruminate with all my worries, making them get more extreme and make me feel worse but I couldn't even enjoy anything I tried to do last night enough to stop focusing on the thoughts. I can't get therapy for a while at least so I'm just at a loss, I don't know how to cope with it sometimes and I worry the one thing I do that does help me isn't helpful at all, especially because I was at such a loss when he couldn't call me. I'm sorry that this is all kind of scattered, I tried to explain it as clearly as I could. Mainly, I just want to know a good way to cope with these thoughts that isn't harmful. I know I do seek reassurance to my boyfriend sometimes (I try not to when it comes to my doubts about him but I still do sometimes), I don't know if our calling and playing things to be distracted counts as that though. I don't know if the self hatred is intrusive thoughts because I believe it or what it would even be categorized as. Are there good ways to deal with these, though? I have a really hard time feeling better with out calling someone and I know I should probably have some way to cope on my own, but the ways I end up doing it when I am on my own tend to lead to me feeling worse. (I believe I have a compulsion that I feel and/or have to express how I'm feeling or ruminate with it, so sometimes I end up posting about it on my Instagram oftentimes or I'll write or talk about it somewhere, sometimes constantly talking about it, journaling seems to not be good for me for that reason because when I write about what I'm feeling or thinking, it feels like I'm getting worse rather than actually feeling better.)

It was very relieving to find out what intrusive thoughts were because it was very hard for me to understand what I was going through without legitamently assuming I was crazy or evil. I believe my earliest intrusive thought (if this counts as one) that I knew of was when I was about 8 or 9, my parents were arguing and I had the urge to bite myself to feel better (I believe, I don't remember the exact reasoning except that I did it). Since then I've had a range of recurring themes, the first theme I remember is when I'm in a car I vividly see myself throwing my phone out the car window and I usually have to make sure I'm holding onto my phone so I don't do that, I believe that one has been around since I was around 10 (I still have it occasionally but not as common as it used to be). Besides that, my intrusive thoughts weren't particularly unbearable until I was 12 or 13. Family stuff happened during that time and it must've effected me a lot, because after that I started getting horrible Hocd and Pocd thoughts, which would cause me to panic especially because I had no clue what they were and didn't want to be a terrible person. I had frantically searched some things I felt like were going on and convinced myself that I might have schizophrenia at that time, and it was an incredibly scary time. I don't believe I have schizophrenia now though, I don't have hallucinations of any kind, but I mistook intrusive thoughts to be a part of that because I wanted to pinpoint that the horrible thoughts weren't my real thoughts. A more odd thing was I developed a specific theme where I felt I'd die in a car crash and even linked it to it happening in a February, so for a while I would be scared riding in a car and for a while I'd also be scared of February in general. Ever since I found out what intrusive thoughts are, it was actually very relieving for a while, until I realized that people would describe them in ways that they might not be too serious and they're simple to get to go away, which was for sure not the case for me. That lead me to frantically search OCD a few weeks ago after finding out they're mainly associated with that and I really feel like I can identify with many of the symptoms a lot, though I think I mainly have mental compulsions. I can't get a diagnosis right now though since I'm a college student, don't have a job and I currently don't want to try to explain what's going on to my dad for many reasons, I don't believe he could afford that anyway. I worry about self diagnosing and I don't want to but it feels better to identify with this because it really seems like it describes exactly what I've been going through for years.