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Does anybody else experience delusional intrusive thoughts? I have a very big fear of developing schizophrenia or becoming delusional. And it seems that a lot of my intrusive thoughts are delusional intrusive thoughts that I fight.

If so could you let me know how it’s worked for you? I might be prescribed that by my psychiatrist soon and I’m a little anxious about taking it, but if it helps with the intrusive thoughts then I’m all for it.

everything’s been really terrifying and loud lately and i found myself not leaving the house if i could avoid it, missing classes and appointments etc. i don’t WANT to give into the illnesses; i don’t WANT it to take my freedom. so i started going to class again. i haven’t been doing much else - i don’t eat out very much anymore, i send other people to the grocery store, and i’ve moved important meetings and appointments online. anyways, i’m sitting in class right now and battling the urge to leave. i made an agreement with myself that i could leave at the break if i still needed to. but i recognize that that is ALSO giving into the illnesses, and i don’t wanna concede more than i already have. i just feel so afraid all the time, and home is so much less overwhelming than anywhere else. i’m looking for people who have also experienced this. do y’all have any tips on how to manage? i feel like i’m going absolutely insane.

I'm unsure if this is even an actual intrusive thought, but occasionally I go through batches of intense insecurity over my appearance. Last night in particular, it got really bad, as I was scrolling through social media and looking at reels of different women and compared myself to them. I felt intense self hatred over my face and hair consuming my mind, and I fully believed that I am genuinely so ugly, especially compared to everyone I know and that there's nothing I can do about it, which lead to me having a big melt down. Before that, I had originally felt fine until I started having intrusive thoughts about different things out of nowhere. Usually when I feel bad, I text my boyfriend and he tries to help me feel better, but he wasn't responding much because he was playing games with his family. I tried to play some games myself to feel better before that happened, but it didn't work. I feel like I can never make myself feel better on my own. I'm also worried because I was having intrusive thoughts of the act of trying to talk to him being me seeking reassurance itself and I shouldn't do that and that he wasn't responding to me because he doesn't care and he's tired of listening to my problems and all that. I know those are intrusive thoughts and I try to ignore them. Everything all at once was just getting to me and I'm unsure of what the right thing to do was. I worry that anything I might do could be a compulsion despite atleast a majority of my compulsions being mental and worrying about how he feels about me or if he even likes me or wants to talk to me and I worry about my face and not liking it at all or if I'll ever like myself and it's all just a jumble of different things. I don't know what the right thing to do is, genuinely. Usually he will call me and we talk or play a game together so I get distracted and not worry, but when I'm by myself I can't get myself to even want to do anything besides lay down and ruminate with all my worries, making them get more extreme and make me feel worse but I couldn't even enjoy anything I tried to do last night enough to stop focusing on the thoughts. I can't get therapy for a while at least so I'm just at a loss, I don't know how to cope with it sometimes and I worry the one thing I do that does help me isn't helpful at all, especially because I was at such a loss when he couldn't call me. I'm sorry that this is all kind of scattered, I tried to explain it as clearly as I could. Mainly, I just want to know a good way to cope with these thoughts that isn't harmful. I know I do seek reassurance to my boyfriend sometimes (I try not to when it comes to my doubts about him but I still do sometimes), I don't know if our calling and playing things to be distracted counts as that though. I don't know if the self hatred is intrusive thoughts because I believe it or what it would even be categorized as. Are there good ways to deal with these, though? I have a really hard time feeling better with out calling someone and I know I should probably have some way to cope on my own, but the ways I end up doing it when I am on my own tend to lead to me feeling worse. (I believe I have a compulsion that I feel and/or have to express how I'm feeling or ruminate with it, so sometimes I end up posting about it on my Instagram oftentimes or I'll write or talk about it somewhere, sometimes constantly talking about it, journaling seems to not be good for me for that reason because when I write about what I'm feeling or thinking, it feels like I'm getting worse rather than actually feeling better.)

It was very relieving to find out what intrusive thoughts were because it was very hard for me to understand what I was going through without legitamently assuming I was crazy or evil. I believe my earliest intrusive thought (if this counts as one) that I knew of was when I was about 8 or 9, my parents were arguing and I had the urge to bite myself to feel better (I believe, I don't remember the exact reasoning except that I did it). Since then I've had a range of recurring themes, the first theme I remember is when I'm in a car I vividly see myself throwing my phone out the car window and I usually have to make sure I'm holding onto my phone so I don't do that, I believe that one has been around since I was around 10 (I still have it occasionally but not as common as it used to be). Besides that, my intrusive thoughts weren't particularly unbearable until I was 12 or 13. Family stuff happened during that time and it must've effected me a lot, because after that I started getting horrible Hocd and Pocd thoughts, which would cause me to panic especially because I had no clue what they were and didn't want to be a terrible person. I had frantically searched some things I felt like were going on and convinced myself that I might have schizophrenia at that time, and it was an incredibly scary time. I don't believe I have schizophrenia now though, I don't have hallucinations of any kind, but I mistook intrusive thoughts to be a part of that because I wanted to pinpoint that the horrible thoughts weren't my real thoughts. A more odd thing was I developed a specific theme where I felt I'd die in a car crash and even linked it to it happening in a February, so for a while I would be scared riding in a car and for a while I'd also be scared of February in general. Ever since I found out what intrusive thoughts are, it was actually very relieving for a while, until I realized that people would describe them in ways that they might not be too serious and they're simple to get to go away, which was for sure not the case for me. That lead me to frantically search OCD a few weeks ago after finding out they're mainly associated with that and I really feel like I can identify with many of the symptoms a lot, though I think I mainly have mental compulsions. I can't get a diagnosis right now though since I'm a college student, don't have a job and I currently don't want to try to explain what's going on to my dad for many reasons, I don't believe he could afford that anyway. I worry about self diagnosing and I don't want to but it feels better to identify with this because it really seems like it describes exactly what I've been going through for years.

I had never really had OCD symptoms like this a few months ago. I had struggled a little bit with anxiety and had always had a fear of uncertainty but I’ve never felt a 24/7 pain anxiety, guilt and fear like this. I was pretty happy😭 Have others had this experience as well? Did it just show up randomly from one intrusive thought that you couldn’t brush off? Is it possible to get back to how you were before or will I have to “manage” for the rest of my life?

How do I differentiate between giving into a compulsion versus doing erp? My trigger is thinking about and seeing my son’s exposed skin, particularly any marks that appear on him (eg bruise, scar, freckle, dry patch, birthmarks, pigmentation variations). I also feel compelled to look at other children’s skin (for comparison to see what’s common or normal). It all began after reading about a condition called NF1 leading me to fear that my son might have it. A symptom of this includes specific looking birthmarks all over the body. I stare and stare at him and eventually, I start to see shapes on his body that resemble the birthmarks in question. Tricky thing is I’m exposed to my triggers all day every day - changing nappies, bathtime, changing his clothes, seeing him in shorts. I feel like I’m cheating and avoiding my triggers if I don’t look at his skin (instead, I do things like dimming the lights or hyperfocusing on the nappy or article of clothing). I also can’t help but think that I should be checking each time to make sure everything is ok, and that not checking is unsafe in case he does have the condition and a mark is forming. Sometimes, when the distress is not too high, I will do my calming strategies while doing the above activities (my strategy involves me thinking out loud to identify my thoughts and feelings, affirm that I will not get entangled, ground myself by doing deep breathing, and then focus on finishing the task at hand, as well as engaging with my son to fulfil his desires/needs.. in other words distracting myself.. ). I don’t even know if the above strategy is actually erp. When I’m alone at night, I try to do erp by purposely thinking about his skin or a mark on his skin.. using the nocd app as a tool to facilitate that. My question is how do I do the erp?? In everyday settings as I’m carrying out my responsibilities and tasks as a parent, I feel I’m actually giving in to my compulsions rather than doing an exercise for my recovery. Another question is, I’m in Australia - is it possible for me to access a therapist on this app? I hope the above makes sense. Appreciate the advice!

I literally hate living with OCD….I was so happy before with not having these thoughts…😢 I have so many intrusive thoughts about stabbing (specifically my husband) and it makes me hate myself and makes me want to cry. I never dealt with this until almost 2 1/2 months ago, and I don’t want to anymore…I’m so tired of living like this:( Now it feels like I don’t even care if I act on it or not…like it wouldn’t be that bad of a thing, which I 100% know it is an awful thing, the most awful thing you could ever do to a person. But I’m worried that I’m eventually not gonna care and that I’m gonna give into the thoughts…😢 I feel like I was a good person before this. I love people and being around them. I love my husband so much, but having this makes me question if I even love my husband because I feel like harm ocd is not letting me feel those feelings for him…when I know I love him tho:( Someone pls help:(

I haven’t started therapy yet waiting for insurance to go thru. I have had POCD intrusive thoughts about my kids. Well it’s targeted one of them the most. Today I had a thought of I wish she would die so I wouldn’t have these thoughts!!! My stomach is in knots and I am sick about it. Obviously I don’t wish that at all?! What is going on with me? Is she going to die because I thought that?! My mind won’t stop. I am having a lot anxiety and panic about this thought. Please help me!

My boyfriend has ROCD and it can get tough or discouraging at times but I’m in it for the long haul. Does anyone have any affirmations that help them?

So I am co-maid of honor for my friends wedding and the other MOH is (was?) also my friend (we’ll call her Sadie). As MOHs, Sadie and I had to plan our friends bachelorette party. During the months we needed to plan/prep, my mental health was in a really bad spot, the worst it’s been in years. I still hadn’t been diagnosed with OCD yet and was in horrible shape emotionally. I told Sadie that I was struggling but I probably would not be much help for bachelorette planning, but would do what I could. I felt so guilty about not doing my share, but I had to take care of myself because I felt totally out of control, having daily panic attacks and crying. Sadie told me she understood and it was no problem, we met maybe twice for planning and the rest was ordering decorations and stuff, which I split with her. I thanked her and apologized repeatedly for running the show throughout the months leading up to the bachelorette. During the bachelorette, Sadie was in a horrible mood (long story) and it resulted in the bride getting mad at her. As the other MOH and seeing my two friends arguing, I checked in on them. At that point, Sadie (who was over tired and very drunk) started pointing fingers at me and saying that I was making her feel like a bad friend because I wasn’t getting into the details of my mental health situation with her (which is completely unrelated to the bride’s conversation with Sadie- it really came out of left field). She said that she was worried and wanted to help but I was unresponsive to messages (which isn’t true). She made me feel guilty for not trusting her with my deepest and darkest struggles, meanwhile I had just found out earlier in the day she had lied to me about something minor and unrelated… so why would I trust her with such personal and stigmatized information? I explained that I didn’t get into the details of my struggles with anyone besides my therapist and my mom, but she kept hounding me about how I was making her feel bad. Of course one of my OCD themes is worrying that I’m letting people down… anyone who knows me knows that’s a big concern of mine. Naturally, this made me cry. I found out after the fact that Sadie also told the bride (before I joined the conversation) that I never thanked Sadie for planning the bachelorette and that certain activities fell through because of me. Sadie (kind of?) apologized to me and the bride for her behavior, telling me that the mental health convo should have happened at a different time/place, but things have been weird ever since. I feel like she owes me a serious apology for weaponizing my mental health, because if she truly cared she wouldn’t have done what she did to me or would have pulled me aside later and apologized profusely. It’s been over a month and she has put in no effort to communicating with me and vice versa. I think she thinks I am in the wrong, although I’m not sure what I did and the bride doesn’t know either. Anger comes at me randomly about this, because I thought of Sadie as a good friend and I feel like she used my situation as a weapon. Even if she was hurting too for me not opening up, there are so many other ways she could have told me. In any situation though, I still do not owe her details about my mental health challenges. Right? My friends say that Sadie crossed a line by demanding to know details about what’s going on with my OCD. I just want to stop being angry with her and effected by this situation. Any advice?

I love my boyfriend so much! Sometimes though I get irritated with everything and anything he does. He won’t do anything bad, just make a joke, or laugh, and I get anxious, which I think is because I’m internally checking how I feel about him (completely unaware I’m even doing it), and then I get irritated. And it’s like I’m always irritated by anything he does. I feel it’s because my mind is rescreening how I feel and checking my emotions and whether “I love him enough” and that anxiety makes me anxious. Is this normal? Anyone else know what I’m talking about or have tips to help me?

I’ve been recently struggling so much with the intrusive thoughts and images, it was bad at first but now its worse. I cant even cry anymore. Im questioning myself. am i really crazy? am i really scared if these thoughts? what if i lose my self control? what if i am my intrusive thoughts? what if i don’t feel bad about them? im so scared my life is being taken over im not myself anymore i feel like im going through derealization as well which i’ve struggled with in the past. I haven’t been diagnosed but am almost 100% sure i have harm OCD im talking to a therapist and a doctor to get me on pills. Someone help me please or give me advice i feel so disgusted looking at myself bc i feel like im a sick human. These thoughts are against my family, especially my mom which is the person i love the most in the world. Im only 13 and miss my old self. I regret watching Dahmer so much, which is what initially caused this for the first time. What if im never gonna be the same again. I cant sleep i feel sick even eating. Am i alone on this.

i had a pretty severe anxiety disorder in 2017. I recovered in like 8 months fully. I couldn't leave my house without feeling anxiety. I couldn't walk around my house, drive with my mother in a car, go to school, the list goes on. With therapy I was able to do all the things I wanted. It was like I was a different human again, my old self but so much stronger. I got ocd just 3 months ago (intrusive thoughts with mental compulsions). It was like my brain suddenly just broke. The last few weeks were horrible. It felt like my life ended. Before, my life has been amazing and I felt such grief that I didn't appreciate it as much. I ended in a mental hospital 3 weeks ago but only stayed for two days because I realized I need to just go on with my life. And that's what I want to tell you: - Ocd is an anxiety disorder. It's not exactly like I had it in 2017 but the feeling is similiar - Do NOT stop your daily life. When you avoid it gets worse in the long run. I know it's hard. I feel it everyday and it gets easier when I pretend like it's not there. Ocd wants to get your attention. Let it be in the background till it fades - No matter what's your subtype you can still do anything you want even when ocd wants to get your attention. For example: harm ocd, you're afraid that you're gonna stab your family member when holding a knife. Take that knife and make some dinner or something. No matter how many times you see that image in your head doing it or your brain repeats "stab them". You know that ocd wants you to avoid things. Without ocd you would have preperad a nice salad for example. You can still do it. It's just your ocd that thinks you can't. - Learning by doing. Your brain needs to learn that there is no real danger. You can tell yourself 100 times that it's not dangerous but it won't learn. It only learns by doing. And it takes some time but it's not impossible. Lastly: You won't feel like this forever. You don't need to feel okay to do things. You need to do things to feel okay again. I only had ocd for a few weeks but i'm recovering everyday a bit more because I KNOW my disorder. Some people take years to figure out what they have and suffer in silence. I have to wait to get therapy but I don't have to wait to Start erp or get my life back together. I have the strengh to heal myself with my knowledge and patience and you can aswell! Sending lots of love and hope!

I am new with OCD. No medications and just started regular therapy before getting diagnosed. I have horrible ruminating thoughts on past events that I have done to my now husband (we got married in August, have been together for 8 years). I question my love for him. I question literally everything even though I know I love him and I know I made mistakes in the past. I never physically cheated, but some nights the recurring thoughts of what I did get so bad that I think that I did cheat. I replay the things I've done over and over and I feel guilty for even thinking someone else is attractive. I get panic attacks. I get terrible intrusive thoughts. Sometimes I feel like the only thing to do is to repeat all of my mistakes to him and I know I’m hurting him in the process. Why can’t I forgive myself? I am absolutely miserable and I have no idea what to do :(

Cant agreeing with your intrusive thoughts make them worse? Or make you believe it?? Like if my ROCD questions whether I love my bf, and I answer with “well maybe I don’t”, won’t I start believing it??? Or if I have negative self talk like “you’re so lazy”, and I agree, isn’t that harming my mental health? How can agreeing with intrusive thoughts actually be better? Or am I doing something wrong? Cause now I’m panicking that I’m doing it all wrong and getting worse.

Hi everyone, I am currently waiting for a NOCD therapist since I am in NV and there are none available at this time. I would really like some feedback, suggestions and guidance if possible. I’m not even totally sure what I am experiencing is ocd or not. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder three years ago and I do have a lot of guilt, rumination and reassurance seeking behaviors (asking family members, my partners, and googling nonstop). As well as other obsessions like double checking to make sure the pothole I drove over wasn’t actually a person, constantly checking if things I say are dishonest in any way, checking alarms, locks etc. Ever since my relationship ended after my senior year of high-school relationships have a been a source of anxiety. It wasn’t until five years later that I found someone I connected with off the bat. The dating phase was mostly smooth but as soon as the prospect of making a commitment came up that’s when all of the anxiety came. I was constantly praying, ruminating and asking others to make sure the relationship was right. I made a promise to God after my last relationship that I would not date anyone unless I knew they were the one I was to marry. I decided to say yes to being his girlfriend, and boom my anxiety was off the wall. I felt fine with him but away from him my anxiety was so bad. Finally the anxiety got so bad that I felt I had to break up with him. Only two months later I was in tears realizing that I missed him and five months later we ended up getting back together. We are approaching a year of being back together and as we started planning the one year anniversary the anxiety is back and the feelings of avoidance, and I feel even numb and unattracted to him. I’ve been googling a lot again and asking my mom for advice. I always have always had this feeling or maybe fear that God is telling me to leave my relationship even though I really don’t want to. He is such a great guy and I feel so safe and comfortable with him. He is my best friend. the anxiety around this is so great I no longer can go to church without having an anxiety attack. I have also felt this back when I made a choice with my career and although in hindsight I see it was a good choice, the whole time I had this intense anxiety that I wasn’t following Gods plan or something. I was so confused. Does anyone know where I can start? Or can anyone relate? Finding a therapist who understands has felt like such a challenge and especially finding an affordable one. I have taken a course about erp online and I kind of know what it is now but have a hard time applying it. Feeling so lost, depressed and hopeless. Any advice would be much appreciated.

I have done a big series of compulsions for 30+ times for over 2 hours at work, each time I would miss one or do one wrongly, I start over, I did everything at the end and I’m still not satisfied because of the one little thing that I thought strongly didn’t feel right. I can’t stop :(

Did someone on here post about ROCD and being engaged this morning? I thought I’d seen something I related to but now I don’t know if I was dreaming hah! I just got engaged and I can’t shake off the anxiety that we shouldn’t be together even though we argue sometimes and don’t have a lot in common we’ve been together 6 years and have a baby and I love the idea of building our life and family together! Every time I watch a program on TV where characters seem to right for each other and kiss so much and I know we’re not in the honeymoon phase but I keep questioning we’re we ever like that? Or did I just want the husband and baby cause now I’ve got that I don’t feel happy? I don’t know 🤷🏼‍♀️ ive lost interest in having sex I never really initiate anything and he’s younger than me so he’s always horny and makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. I’ve also got really bad SOOCD

Okay i struggle with harm ocd and my newest intrusive thought is me picturing myself in jail. It’s very frightening. I would never want to do anything wrong but i just can’t stop picturing it. Also my family was talking about dreams we have had the other night. And one of my siblings said she had a nightmare about me killing my dogs. And I’m freaking out. Like why would she dream that about me. And i keep picturing myself in jail behind bars, in the court room, etc. I don’t want anything to happen. I don’t want to be a bad person.