Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Can someone explain to me what urges are with ocd or what they feel like

Do people with ocd also have obessesive thoughts of friendzoning their boyfriend/girlfriend? It's been bothering me so bad it doesn't stop. I repeat myself that my boyfriend is my lover my soulmate the one I want to be with romantically. It made me view my relationship as friends and it's bothering me alot. I don't want my boyfriend as a friend I want him as a lover. That's why he's my boyfriend duh. I told him and he said don't worry! It didn't stop it still stuck with me. I have been arguing and trying to fix these thoughts for the hours and hours. I become relief than I end up spiraling then relief than spiraling. It made me feel like a bad girlfriend because I love my boyfriend as a lover! I want to marry this him. After a few hours of ruminating, I decided to play a game and teamed up with this friend who is a boy and ik it was gonna be a issue for me because I'm gonna end up having obessesive thoughts soon but I only view this friend as yk friend obviously. But then I started to have thoughts of liking him or secretly liking him and it made me panicked because I felt like I was cheating on my boyfriend and stuff and I started to have these unwanted feelings and I hated it. I left and has a anxiety attack. I was crying because I really didn't want to friendzone or cheat on my boyfriend. Then my obessesive thoughts just made me believe I was crying for the boy I was playing with and making me think I had these secretly feelings for him and I started to panick more because that's not true!!!. I don't have feelings for that boy I never did I only have feelings for my boyfriend and I only love my boyfriend!!!. I don't care about that friend I have a boyfriend!!!! But it's making me believe it so much and I feel like I did have this false crush on this boy and now I'm scared that my boyfriend is gonna end up having a crush on his friend. I feel like I messed up I'm trying to tell my mind that I was crying for my boyfriend and I was crying because I was scared of leaving my boyfriend or cheating on him and also crying because I didn't want to have these false crush on a boy again.

I’ve almost just accepted that I’m a bad person. All i can think about is my intrusive thoughts, at this point I’m literally obsessed with them. I’m almost not even anxious anymore because I’m accepting it

This ocd makes me feel like l don’t own any morals or values that l have always stood by and it makes me feel lost and confused

Hi everyone, I have finally worked up the courage to post here. Something about posting made it feel like someone was going to find out about my OCD and judge me. That is one of my fears “being found out” about what? Well, that changes… But hey, I DO have OCD and this is supposed to be my community! If anyone is going to get it and not judge it is going to be you! I have been making great progress since my diagnosis and am doing pretty well with higher doses of Fluoxetine (lucky to have minor side effects) and therapy. I was feeling great, having an awesome and productive day, and then WHAM! Out of seemingly nowhere I was triggered. I did my exercises to not avoid the trigger and so forth, but now my anxiety-linked body sensations are super high. Any healthy tips for calming yourself and reducing the residual physiological symptoms of a huge anxiety spike? I’m looking for tips that won’t lead me down my compulsion path so any advice is welcome!

Is researching ocd therapies and mental health constantly a compulsion? Even though I have always enjoyed learning about psychology and reading articles on mental illnesses or relationships and attachment theory. And I now have a wealth of knowledge of how to combat ocd... looking for hope for a cure or some relief. Is holding onto hope a secret compulsion?

So, this may not be everyone’s cup of tea. But eight years ago after getting out of the military. I was very ill, my walking around weight now is 219-225 I love food. At that time I was 159 I thought I had cancer I couldn’t keep food down. I spent more time going to that bathroom than living. The VA thought it would be good to put me on muscle relaxers, it did the opposite affect. It made me worse almost to the point where I almost lost control and took my own life. Fast forward eight years later and the fear of losing control is what is consistently on my mind. I do rituals to make sure the door is locked, I have to watch my groceries at all times because I feel like someone might poison me. I have to put my clothes on a certain way or else I feel like I might lose control. So, this is my life right now I had my first appointment today and I can feel some light at the end of the tunnel. I know erp therapy is going to be rough. But I just want my life back. To all suffering from this terrible thing called ocd keep fighting and turn to God, it really does help me when the anxiety kicks up. Love you all and remember the valley is only temporary and the sun shines brightest at the peak. Don’t give up.

I’m new to this app but wanted to just get it out there. I have ocd that comes out as obsessing that I have some unknown disease or cancer that is killing me. It gets really bad before I travel and causes me heart palpitations. Before I travel I’m convinced I’m going to die on the trip so then I start having heart palpitations which leads me to think I’ve got some rare heart cancer. It’s a weird circle. I’ve had an echo so I know there’s nothing wrong with my heart but my brain doesn’t care. This worry extends to my kids where I constantly think something bad is going to happen to them. It got 10x worse after my stepdad died in a motorcycle accident a few years ago then my mom and brother had cancer. It seemed to have solidified that death is going to happen so no self talk is working. It’s exhausting.

Does anyone else find it hard to read with intrusive thoughts

I’ve had this 7+ years ago. I was fine until this intrusive thought that came back. “What if I’m in a dream”, “what if we’re in a coma, and you can only get out if you end it”. These thoughts have come back and are really affecting me again. When I was younger I would use logic, like “dreams arnt powerful enough to always be in them. I can feel pain, I remember things” etc. It’s really effecting me again, and I cry to sleep every night just wanting to go back to how I was just 3 weeks ago. I desperately want to live a long happy life and I’m tired of this. Anyone else got anything like this and PLEASE give me advice or what you did to help it. I REALLY NEED HOPE!!! PLEASE

Hi guys, been awhile since I posted on here as I’ve been doing extremely well in my recovery. Yesterday I had a horrible setback. I currently take lexapro and Valium for panic attacks and has been working well, very rarely have I gone into panic. My doctor took me off Valium and wanted to try medical marajuanna, within 10 minutes of taking it I was frantic, total ocd panic set in. To the point I had to call a ambulance. It’s totally upset me today looking back on it. It definitely makes you go through all the motions again, trying to lean back on my therapy tactics. Has anyone else been through this in recovery? forgot just how real and debilitating it can be when that moment sets in. And then the rumination starts up. I can’t help but feel angry and let down my the health department for this happening when I was doing so well. As I’ve learnt not one thing works for everyone. Hope you all have a great day 🤗🤗

Did tracking intrusive thoughts and compulsion in the beginning of treatment make any of you feel worse?

Hey everyone, I have seen therapists and been on medication. Neither helped me. Sadly. So I have a weird OCD. I have the typical contamination and health OCD. However, I have a huge fear of hemeroids. It's so odd and I haven't been able to find any information about it. Some say it's a eating disorder because it controls what I eat, how much I eat. I use do have a fear of bad food, you know you eat the wrong food and your Ill the next day. So there were many times I wouldn't eat. Or I'd eat my "safe" food which used to be bread. But now my fear of hemeroids, I can't eat pizza, without putting veggies on it and sour cream. I don't really go a day without eating some type of veggie or fruit. It started when I stopped taking Imodium. Which is odd because it used to constipate me like none other. I was really constipated which never worried me. But after quitting it... I worried and I had rituals. Bath every night. Stuff like that. I used to have wipes id use. Anyways fast forward I got over it a bit and it wasn't a worry. I used to work out 5 days a week. Drink protein shakes. Etc. Then did beauty school. It wasn't a big worry. Then I met my husband and we had our first child. Sadly we lost him at 16 weeks and after that I completely changed. I got obsessed again. But then got pregnant with my second child and I didn't have worries, had her and learned that I had a grape sized hem or skin tag. Once I was able to feel again it was there and wouldn't go away. Granted I was cut with no numbing and lost half my blood. It was rather traumatic. Then had my second child. Almost died while pregnant with her. Blew out discs. Broke ribs. It was bad. After them... I've been pretty bad. I can't even do anything with my husband in fear of hemeroids. I used to take photos of down there. I don't anymore. Now I just check. Which makes it worse because if I have no swelling I'll have swelling after checking so often. :( I haven't read anything about this type of OCD but it consumes my life. It consumes what I eat. How my day goes. If it's good or bad. It makes me stressed about any photo jobs I have, or any jobs I do. I used to barrel race and I loved life. Now I'm stressed and feel worthless because if I feel something there.... I worry. I worry it'll be a hem and be strangled and get bad. I'm worried it'll get a cut on it. I'm worried I'll sit wrong and irritate it. I'm worried I'll get constipated and have issues. My husband gets them with his IBS and he's just like whatever. But me, it ruins my life! I want to get over it. I want to be normal again. I just dunno how to. Because it's a physical sensation that even if it's not there it is. I don't know what to do anymore.

Okay, this is gonna be pretty long and stuff so just a warning. I’m gonna kinda split it up. So, yeah. Okay. Idk, if this is gonna make any sense, and this is kind of weird, but do you — or like, your intrusive thoughts — ever like “force” — you — yourself to do something sometimes, and like “feel”. Okay, so for example, my whole life, I’ve never really been interested in “dating” and stuff, because it just didn’t make sense to me and because of certain stuff, and blah blah blah, but like when I was a bit younger, I’d get like these “intrusive thoughts” about like “dating” people and whatever, and usually it would be fine, but sometimes I felt like I would start to “act” a certain way or whatever, and start to “do” and “think” things for “attention” even if I wasn’t, and I would like act weird, and “go against” everything I want. Idk. Like, if I thought somebody liked me, or if I just had an intrusive thought about dating stuff, I’d kind of “force” myself to “like” them — not actually, but I’ll explain —, because “just ‘cause”, and it’s kind of what my intrusive thoughts told me, but it’s not what *EYE* wanted. Like, every time that happens, if I think someone likes me, etc. even if *EYE* don’t like them, and it’s not what I stand for, blah blah blah, my head will kind of make me feel like “well, say it anyways”, and “say this” and “say that”, blah blah blah, and then I would have these “fake” feelings that I DON’T really feel, and it would get exhausting. I wouldn’t do it all the time, though. I also just thought that it’s what “they” wanted, and I try and “do stuff” for people even if they don’t ask. I just go above and beyond for people, and exhaust myself. Idk why. That’s just how I am. It’s like I’m “overcompensating” also. And not just this; a whole bunch of other stuff too. It’s annoying. Also, I wouldn’t usually always “tell” them per se, but it’s complicated to explain. It was kind of like an “impulsive” compulsion thing. If that makes sense. Like sometimes I’ll just “DO” stuff just because. And it can get exhausting, because I DON’T really want to do that, I’m just “doing” it because I think it’s what “they” and I’m like “why not”, and it’s usually me thinking “but what if?…” blah blah blah. It’s like, I feel like I have to “confess” everything, but even the “not true” stuff. *The rest in the comments*

So I went to my old school and it didn't sucked because I get to go to a field trip. My old friend was there so it wasn't that bad. But I was like so focused on not messing up. To leaving my house alll the way to my school I had thoughts of "being back with my ex" or something like that like wtf? I said multiple times (trying not to panick because I was in public. Usually when I'm alone in my room I scream saying "NO I HAVE BETTER BOYFRIEND" trying to be as detailed as possible so this little shit can understand) I was getting the hang with it reminding these thoughts that I don't want my ex and I want my boyfriend. I was getting anxious and having thoughts and these feelings. Like I felt like those ex thoughts were right or I felt like I wanted them and I started to feel guilty. I knew that I would never leave my boyfriend with my ex! I had these messed up thoughts and it ruined me. It felt like I was going to cheat on my boyfriend. I don't understand. Those thoughts were so confusing and so awful. I tried to think of my boyfriend and remind myself again and again that I'm committed to my boyfriend NOT my ex. I had thoughts of ditching my boyfriend or cheat on him with my ex and it felt real and I was scared and I felt so guilty and sad. I had to figure out and try correcting myself for the ENTIRE trip. I got a hold on them for a awhile but I just felt bad. Did I do something bad? These thoughts felt genuine and real and the feelings felt so I can't describe it. Probably like a urge like the type of feeling of trying not to scratch that mosquito bite idk that probably sound worse. I feel like a bad girlfriend and awful I wish I felt that type of awful way before. It feels like I don't deserve my boyfriend. I told myself many many times that I have a boyfriend and I did NOT want to go to my ex. But ig I didn't do hard enough. There were many what ifs and many not what if. I promised my boyfriend I would never leave him. I would never do that to my boyfriend!! I hate that I don't feel genuine like wth!! This is my boyfriend I do love him dearly.

So I’ve gotten WAYY!! Better with my pocd but there are times when I’m just living and almost forget or have some interaction with OCD. But sometimes I feel like even though I am, I get depressed immediately because, the future I’ve always wanted (having a wife and kids) just doesn’t seem like it’s even possible anymore, I feel like (A. If I do every get in a serious relationship, All I’ll be thinking is (you have pocd, you can’t tell her cause she’ll freak out and leave you and maybe possibly call the cops) its been so severe that I have these false attractions or whatever but not all the time and intrusive thoughts so graphic I spaz out or get goosebumps cause of how disturbing. I hate it with a passion. But I just feel like I don’t deserve to have any of that. That’s literally all I’ve been looking for in life have a wife and two kids and a good home. And it probably won’t ever happen sadly. Anyone on the same boat? 😔

Watching a video on ocd ./ and the lady was saying how someone with ocd will never act out their thoughts they are the safest people in the world ./ but as I was watching this I was thinking nor I would act on it I “want” to act on it and my groinal is going crazy at the time and am thinking wtff!!!!!

Good Evening 🌇 It’s my first day writing ✍🏼 to you all on this app. I’ve experience OCD symptoms since a child in almost every area of my life. When it came to body image, repeating mantras to make sure a family member would be injured for some random reason, spiritual and religious (thinking almost everything I do is somehow hurting my relationship with Source, when this is not reality) praying not stop until my eyes would blur so that I could fix things with G-D🙏🏼 Major fear of blasphemy etc…, There was school ocd when it came to memorizing studying and writing ✍🏼 particularly writing within the lines and not allowing myself sleep until I was sure I could get a 100% on the test/quiz/assignment; thus leading me to drop out of College mid-semester without explanation because the anxiety got unreal(all of my childhood ocd had built up to that agonizing point), as well as closing, locking, then unlocking, then re-locking doors multiple times to make sure so no intruder has a possibility to push the door in, not to mention gender & polite ocd thinking I have to open doors for anyone & everyone and pay for every thing even as a woman not allowing others to spot me, also repeatedly saying “I’m Sorry” & “Thank You” within no reason whatsoever, and so much more. I find it hard to express what I’ve written in the paragraph above because it’s hard to admit. It can be embarrassing 😳 especially to society and the people around. They might think I’m weird or crazy for doing these things, and so I had found ways to mask to keep myself and themselves comfortable, making outcomes of experiences easier to accept. That is so tiring to keep up with so… I’m ready for change. I’m ready to choose better. Looking towards better days. Days that I don’t have to rely on temptations that don’t help at all. Ocd can be difficult, especially on children who don’t know what’s happening. I assume I have trauma induced ocd to feel control over other things in my personal life that I could control, but this control mindset never made me feel whole like I’d wish. Rather it made me feel stuck in that endless void of having to reassure myself to feel present and okay. Accepting the Isness of All will lead the way. Everything is okay, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end… just the beninging🫶🏼🙏🏼 I Love You❤️ You are such a beautiful being with great strength, proclivity, and intuition. It’s time to focus the energy we put into our compulsions into the things we actually Love to do & the person we Love Being. Thank You For Staying🫀 Thank You For Being 🙏🏼 For If You Hadn’t, I Wouldn’t Have Recognized The Divineness That You Are. 1 of 1

Well I guess no one could help! No one is going through what I am so I guess this wasn’t ocd after all … so I guess there’s no point been on this forum because it’s a insult to all you suffers … not that you’ll want any words from me but I do wish youse all the best in your recovery!! My journey with thinking I had ocd ends here I guess god bless use just want youse to know I never wanted to be this person and I wasn’t this person for 29 years of my life goodbye NOCD !

I have literally just experienced my first sexual thought … I been worried all day thinking what if I act on my thoughts , and my mam said what thoughts? And then I had a thought about touching a child and I got feeling down there! Omg I can’t breathe with anxiety !!!! Because I liked the feeling down there wtfffffffff😭😭😭😭 and I don’t know if I liked the thought too!!!!!! What the hell is that what ocd does or is this me!!!!!