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Is it possible for your ancestors to curse you??? I keep getting intrusive thoughts about my relative that passed away and my thoughts are saying that they’re gonna curse me with one of my biggest fears. I’m so terrified right now. What if these thoughts were to actually come true..??!!!

So my theme has revolved around the fear of having schizophrenia for about a year now, many therapist and mental health professionals told me they believe it’s a mix of ocd and hypochondria. Well my main symptom of this disorder is the fear of having delusions, so over the course of this year I’ve had thoughts ranging from “what if my wife is a demon” “what if this song means something” “what if there’s some hidden message in this movie” “what if the government created the world and controls everything” “what if Satan is the true creator of the world” “why did my cat look at me like that, what if he’s a spy created by the government, what if all animals are?” Literally crazy shit but it all feels so real, I’ve thought about this stuff so much that I’ve started to have almost an emotional detachment from the world around me, I’ll have thoughts like, “why should I care, nothings real anyway”. And now it’s starting to feel like my normal line of thinking, like now I genuinely feel like everything is fake or staged in some way, nothing feels real or genuine, it feels like everyone around me, the media, news, politics, all feels like some sort of big act or lie. Feels like there’s something more to reality that I’m missing or something, everything feels “too perfect”. I’ve lost all happiness in everything and I’ve become SO suspicious of every single thing, everything has to have some deeper meaning according to my brain, it sucks. Has anyone ever had the fear of schizophrenia and it got this bad?

Anybody else with Magical Thinking OCD? I feel like it is the most rare kind, I can never find stories or other people who relate to it. For example, turning off the light switch a certain way until it feels just right, otherwise something bad will happen to me or my family if I don’t do the compulsions. I also have a very hard time with like, if I forgot to say goodbye to someone when leaving a place, or sometimes I’ll leave for work and realize I didn’t give my daughter a hug before leaving and I will seriously go back home to do it before I go because otherwise I’ll have horrible anxiety. Same thing with leaving my wedding ring at home. I’m also so afraid of how it will affect my daughter and if it’ll cause her to have OCD as well because of seeing me do my compulsions and routines. It makes me feel like such a horrible person. It started getting really bad when I was 19 and went through a traumatic event, but I know that I’ve had OCD for my entire life. When I was little I slept in my parents’ room because I thought my own bed was cursed and something bad would happen to me if I slept in it. Things like that. It started being *severe* once I got pregnant with my daughter, and has only gotten worse since then. (About four years now). I search tirelessly for success and recovery stories with my form of OCD, because I just want to know that someone stopped doing their compulsions and everything was okay. I always feel like that’s what it would take for me to start the ERP therapy and actually stop doing my compulsions. Just looking for someone who relates I think really.

I feel as though my life has been going a little TOO well recently and that something catastrophic is going to happen in order to "balance everything out" or make me feel less happy. It's preventing me from living in the moment and enjoying what's happening right now. Has anyone ever experienced this type of anxiety? Any tips on how to handle it?

I don’t even know what type of OCD this would fall under but here it goes lol. ever since i was a little kid If someone bad happened to me while i was listening to a song, I wouldn’t listen to it anymore, or if i heard it i would take it as a “bad omen” so i would try to avoid it at almost all costs. if something good happened to me, I would take it as a “good song” and need to listen to it on repeat so something good would happen even though it would drive me crazy hearing it after replaying it so many times. I have little memories in my head for almost all my music like for example “the day i listened to this song a kid near me coughed so it means that if i listen to it then i could happen again and i could get sick.” can anyone relate? any tips to help stop?

i cant even use sleep as an escape now, i just had the most gut wrenching dream ive ever had. Usually i dont grt vivid dreams, and if i do than its a underlying fear of something that i wad already worrying/thinking about. But i haven’t thought about the moon exploding, like in a longggg time. It’s comforting to search up and know that so many people have similar dreams, but dream literally left my in shock and shaking. To make matters worse, my mom dad and sister were in this dream too. So now its hard to even think of them, and im getting all these crazy existential thoughts. I cant never catch a break man, whether its awake or asleep. Im glad that i dont think the dream means much (which is realllyyy goood considering ive had dreams where im incredibly convinced that there coming true (they never do). But what really spooked me after was the fact i saw a cardinal (a VERY significant symbol im my life ever since my grandma passed) and im sure it could mean anything, plus its the morning, cardinals are always out. But i dont like the fact i had the dream and saw that, but maybe i shouldn’t think to muvh into it. Thoughts?

Another kid in the neighborhood when I was 5, would molest me. I didn't like it. I went along with it. Laughed it off. When I did tell this kid that I didn't want to do that anymore, that she would get snide and insulting and this would go on all day as my mom watched this kid everyday after school. This kid was in the space where a best friend would be. They weren't a friend. Still, as much ss I didn't want her in my life, I would simultaneously worry about her not being my friend anymore, or about her turning other kids against me and I would act out in frightened ways. Telling the other kids not to listen to her. That she liked to say mean things about me. Then I'd freak out that she would find out that I told them that and so I'd try to cover my tracks by saying to her that those kids say things that aren't true. I felt like a sleazy liar, as I was. I was a coward and handled it all horribly. However, when I was with a friend that had nothing to do with her, I was a completely different person. No worries. Just a nice time spent together. However, she sabotaged that friendship by making me feel sorry for her as she wanted to be the other one's friend and I was made to feel guilty about being the other one's friend. That ended horribly. As I grew up I felt very distrusting and paranoid of any romantic relationship and paranoid of other close friend relationships being destroyed. My worst time with OCD was as an adolescent and when my mom was very ill. That's when I had horrible visions and fears of causing harm by just doing simple things. For exampl, if I step on that crack my whole family will go to hell, so I'd have to avoid the cracks even the lines around tiles. Or if I don't humiliate myself right now by for example, raising my hand in class for no reason, or worse humiliation the same thing will happen. Those things lightened up as my mother got better and adolescents passed. However it lingers. It gets in the way of what could be a much better life for myself and my loved ones. I wonder if my OCD was brought on by the situation with the kid my mom watched every day.

Here is all my symptoms that I have been experiencing: 15 years old - first symptoms playing Fortnite and when playing my brain will tell me “go pickaxe that tree, do it or you will lose the game” and if I attempt to leave it my brain will say “go back, you better go back, you better do it or you’ll lose” until I give in and do it 18 years old - symptoms worsen with obsessions (such as certain games or tv shows) and I start to worry excessively and asking for constant reassurance that things are the way I think they are (if people like me, if people think the way I think etc) Present day - much worse symptoms: Noise sensitivity with doors in rooms being open and I can hear TV extremely loud or when people are talking in huge groups around me so I got noise cancellation headphones because I became so unbearable I couldn’t study or focus in education or at home. Obsessions with order such as sorting figurines in order of colour or name for hours at a time and excessive leg bouncing and tapping on tables for hours at a time (sometimes I don’t even notice until someone point it out), zoning out or becoming hyperactive. Feeling of extreme boredom very quickly after finishing tasks and extreme irritability especially when things aren’t done my way or done incorrectly. I can read people very well before anyone else does and I pay attention to details no one else can. I also think more in depth that other people sometimes in a manipulative way (I wanted to win certain things so I would act and do certain things so ensure I would win or I would say things so people would do what I wanted) and the biggest symptom I’ve had longest is lack of empathy and emotions. Are these all related to OCD or is this something else?

I haven’t done anything wrong and I’ve been trying so hard the last few months to love myself and bring me up but every time one of my relationships has ended I’ve got the full force of the bad karma and they’ve always got the good. No matter the situation everything for me always goes wrong. And recently everything has been going right, it’s been so smooth it’s been great, until I found out my ex and his new gf broke up (there’s an entire situation with him and her being incredibly disrespectful to me and he left me basically for her) and I finally felt like for once the world was on my side. So I caught my friends up with the drama and now ever since talking about it I think I’ve brought bad karma on myself, irs made me laugh considering everything I went through, and I’ve not been laughing at him because I know how bad heartbreak is, I’ve been laughing and his and her stupidity and disrespect and how finally I’m no longer in their drama. But for some reason bad shit is happening to me again. This guy I’ve been speaking to very recently only a week and a bit has just suddenly blocked me on everything when I haven’t done anything wrong. He was calling me hot and fit and sexy and how I’m thinking oh, maybe I’m not any of those things. Am I actually ugly? Like have I been stupid this entire time thinking I am hot? I’m so stressed out now that I’m actually disgusting and that once again was being used for my body. I’ve gotta stop seeing people for a while, and I’ve learnt the red flags I’ve gotta change my way of dealing with men. I’m so done. So done. Is this my bad karma though? Am I overthinking it or like has me talking about the drama back home caused me to have some bad karma on myself I don’t know! I’m stressing out!

I just need to know. Does anyone experience synchronicities? I feel so freaking alone with this. If I have to explain what it is then you don't experience it. But basically it's just constant coincidences that string together and form messages. I am plagued by it and it's been the single worst source of suffering for years. I have intrusive thoughts but none of them compares even slightly to synchronicities. It's like the universe is hostile and anatogonistic against me. Lately having synchronicities about how my OCD is actually demonic influences and how I'm losing my soul to Satan and how I deserve this because I am evil. When I have a mental breakdown I have synchronicities about demonic entities. And Synchronicities about suffering is a choice and a sin. Which I feel guilt about. Never lets me off the hook, never lets down the pressure, never any mercy. Synchronicities tell me I suffer because I am a sinner and morally and spiritually defeated. It's constantly distressing

It might seem weird that I’m posting a picture of a squirt bottle, but it connects to my grandma, who died suddenly in her sleep yesterday. I struggled with emotional contamination for years, before I knew what it was, and it revolved around my grandma. Emotional contamination was my biggest theme, and it took me over a year to work through. It latched on to everything over my grandma-I couldn’t use the bathroom after her without scrubbing (which is the worst when you really, really have to pee but you have to clean first), I didn’t like having her text messages linger on my phone (what if they contaminated anything I did on my phone?), etc etc. So I worked through this with consistent ERP. I became ok with looking at her pictures and not knowing if I was going to turn into her, I stopped caring that she sat in my car, and that my car could have been contaminated, I became ok with using the same public restroom stall that she did—I worked through my fears that her energy would ruin me. Over time, I noticed progress from my ERP. I sent my grandma a picture of my cats on my bed—before, I would have worried her seeing my bed in a photo would make it dirty. OCD is so bizarre, but I know this community gets it. I texted her more often and could hug her. She moved out of state last year with my mom. On one of her trips out here, she gave me this squirt bottle so she wouldn’t have to pack it. The old me would have IMMEDIATELY thrown it away. But, the me who went through the most difficult ERP, decided to use it. I actually needed one. I didn’t care that my hair might be “dirty,” or my bathroom, or that her energy might go into the same bathroom where I take a shower. I’ve been using it almost daily and it’s just part of my morning routine. And now, sadly, my grandma is dead. And looking at this bottle just makes me reflect over how OCD got so tangled up in my family before I untangled it. I try to find a balance of not putting too much meaning or symbolism on things (so I don’t dip into magical thinking). I know one day this thing will break or I’ll get rid of it, and that’s ok. While I navigate grief and uncertainty and all the lovely emotions that come with death, I find some peace in knowing I was able to have a better relationship with my grandma after ERP. I’m glad she didn’t die when I was avoiding her. So, that’s my story. I’m flying out of state tomorrow morning to see my family, and I don’t know what OCD will latch on to when I go to the house she passed a way in. But it’s a quiet unknown. And this is giving me space to grieve, and feel angry and sad and all the things in between. ERP sucks, having a death in the family sucks, but somehow there’s some peace in there too.

So for about a year now I have been dealing with the uncertainty of a real event that happened decades ago. My mind only tells me the outcome of that event is the worst case scenario. It has been obsessively on my mind for a year, everyday all day. I started seeing the theme or what I was obsessed about everywhere. It got so bad that I thought God was telling me something that I started to ask God to tell me if it was true. Well then I kept seeing signs that confirmed my fear even some that were so exact that on what I was obsessing about I have almost convinced my self that God has been telling me stuff through videos, license plates, phrases or words spelled out in names I see, things I hear in conversations form other people and movies. Then there is the rare occasion I get some type of confirmation that what I’m obsessing about is not true. So I ask myself is God telling me now it’s not true. The signs that say my fear is true seem to be the ones that stick and the ones that say my fear isn’t true seem to just fade away. I’ve never dealt with this before. Anyone else deal with this or seeing signs of your fearful obsession everywhere

One of my most severe ocd subgroups is dea()h (I can’t type it). If an image of someone who is de()d comes to mind I have to do compulsions to get rid of it. This of course all stems from the fear of dy()ng and I have this irrational fear that if I do anything at all, including breathing, with those images in my mind or actual images in front of me (like a picture or on tv) it would lead me to possibly have a higher chance of d()ing or earlier. I was wondering if anyone struggles with a similar issue, and if there was something you tell or convince yourself to help alleviate it. I had a really bad episode tonight where it was just constant image after image and I’m exhausted. Thank you!

Hello everyone I’m new to the app and I’m hoping that some others can relate. I have this idea (even though I know it truly doesn’t “work”) that I can control if bad things happen to me. More so bad luck. I have sudden thoughts of having to perform rituals like locking my car three times, making sure my clothes in my drawer are put away neatly, or cracking all my knuckles to make sure I don’t have “bad luck” if I don’t do these rituals I feel like I’m inviting bad luck into my life. Does anyone else have something similar?

I’ll start - Worried I was a zoophile because I enjoy eating octopus - Thought I was dying of a brain aneurism because my head hurt - Thought that because my towel touched the hand towel that my family uses that I had to wash them both so that way my family wouldn’t become attracted to me.

In 17 and not diagnose with OCD but I keep getting scared that my dad will one day develop cancer so I keep praying to God that he won't and I keep praying all day and and giving up things which are taste/ sound/ touch like music and nice food because they are ignorance jn Hinduism and I feel like God will punish me for not sacrificing it by giving my dad cancer. I couldnt even function but then I realised I could get around it by 'promising on my dad's life's to do stuff like 'promise to eat this chocolate on your dad's life' and then I had to. The problem is sometimes I promise things I don't want to do unintentionally. Likethe first thing I do in the morning is pray that my dad doesn't get cancer and then when I go downstairs there's a picture of god so i feel like I have to pray for it downstairs too I can't just walk past with ignorance but as I was praying j was thinking about how I don't want to do compulsions and I accidentally promised to god not to. But I knew I couldn't keep it up and later in the day I went to go pray again forgetting my original promise and then after I felt this awful guilty feeling like I've actually betrayed God and hurt my dad. I don't know what to do

I'm sick and tired of hearing this bs from religious individuals, and before y'all give me shit abt it I'M religious. I've had ocd and one of the most difficult parts of it has been trying to accept these thoughts. The most effective form for me has been treating them with full acceptance and instead of saying "maybe it could happen" saying "yes it will totally happen" and it's sucked bc obviously I don't want any of it to happen. I am not going to magically become a felon because I wrote acceptance of my intrusive thoughts on a paper or think of them with more acceptance than I did then. My mom keeps telling me other wise bc of some bs that happened to my dad w his car bc he told her "my car almost broke down" and then it did and she was all like "SEE, HE DECLARED IT" like bitch if you don't STFU RIGHT TF NOW UGH

I have worked so hard to get an offer for medical school but I need to get the final grades and OCD means I can't study properly. For example I was trying to study and I put music on to concentrate but religious music was on my Spotify and once I saw it I HAD to put it on or else I thought if be punished for ignoring it but it doesn't help me concentrate so I quickly thought 'promise on your mums life to only play if for one minute and then switch's but I started getting the vibes from the picture of God in my living room that I am causing something bad to happena nd then I was thinking about my mum too and o realised that I couldn't use her as a reason for not playing religious music or something bad will happen to hear so of course I had to get up again and pray to God that nothing bad happens to her and also that I get the A level grades for medicine because my whole future is falling apart as my brain sounds like this all the time when I sit down to study..I just can't.

hi everyone found this app out of desperation, because i realized i never really had control of my ocd. ironically most of my ocd triggers revolve around being out of control. i have recently noticed that the stress i’m under is taking a physical toll on my body. to the point where last night i spent 5 hours in the emergency room because i was convinced i was having a heart attack and had a blood clot that was killing me. it was heart burn. i had to get an iv which is another phobia i have, needles. which i’ve been inadvertently doing my own exposure therapy due to my extreme health anxiety and needing to have tests done. every headache is an aneurism, every cough is a blood clot, every pain is cancer, tender breasts during my period is cancer, etc etc. i just turned 30. the age everyone tells you you’re too young but you know that’s not really true. so says my ocd. because if they say i’m too young i’m the exception. and besides! KIDS get cancer and die every day, why not me. so after they tell me it’s not a heart attack, it’s not a blood clot-after an xray, blood test, ekg, the next day the heart burn i’ve been experiencing for three days straight starts to lessen. go figure. talk about irony. the thing i’m afraid of is causing the thing i’m afraid of. and what’s worse is it genuinely seems logical. when you have people on the internet telling you, that’s how my sister died, and women’s heart attack symptoms look different! and if i stopped now (if i stopped caring) in my eyes, the odds are that i’ve gone this long without anything being wrong, of course when i stop compulsively checking, researching, going to the dr, looking for reassurance, that’s when it would happen. boom dead. and i can’t sleep, but lack of sleep can make you sick, damages your brain. and i can’t eat, but lack of calories you cant think, your body can’t function. and when i can eat, it’s too much, i have stomach pain, my intestines don’t work, it’s definitely colon cancer! speaking of which that DOES run in my family. and so like i do i wanted a colonoscopy and everyone told me i was too young. but tmi (which i believe we are way past that at this point) i have horrible ibs (cue irony again, stress makes it worse!!) and im severely constipated, which means i get fissures and have hemeroids. aka BLEEDING out of my body. so they said sure, but you’re too young to find anything. well they did, a polyp and they said i’m extremely lucky because it’s so rare to find anything in someone so young. (again young? didn’t people only live till 40 up until a few centuries ago?) anyway so that validated my fears to the point where i’m convinced im physic. my ocd loves it. i don’t believe in god, anymore. when i did it was fuel to my ocd fire. as a little 7 year old i didnt know what ocd was, but i’ve been responsible for the health, death, etc of my friends and family ever since. now that its not praying its through other means like, holding my breath waking up stairs, having to walk evenly on each foot, i honestly dont even have that many examples because its unconscious at this point. i wont even realize im doing it, ill look down and im pressing the tips of my fingers so they all feel even. whatever that means. i try not doing it and i get nauseous. after all it’s not hurting anyone. rather the opposite, im saving lives! please sense my sarcasm here. anyway the list goes on and on. and here i am, 30. “too young” to have any problems. but when i think back to when i was first diagnosed, i think 9 years old. i thought 30 WAS OLD! and you know what, it’s starting to feel too old for this shit. it’s exhausting, aggravating, isolating, anything but good. and i genuinely apologize if any of this is triggering. i just need to get this off my chest. im grateful i have a loving family and partner, but i put so much of this on them. and they don’t know what it’s like and im glad. i downloaded this app and read through the first couple posts and started to cry. of course its sad but more than anything people actually feel the same way as me. i’m not the only one im not alone. that matters to me.

I feel 99.9% certain that i am a doll. i cant stop thinking sbout and and its getting to the point where people are asking me if im ok but if i dont act like one somethings going to happen to me.