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Worried that I’m gonna speak negativity into existence after seeing a video on tiktok saying that you speak things into existence. Dude I hate this so much. I hate this so much.

I cant tell if this is OCD or not. Im a teenager right now and Ive been dealing with stuff like this since I can remember, so around 3 years old. Something I do a lot is repeat something exactly 4 times to protect myself from getting hurt (Ex. Ill hit the volume button on my phone 4 times or something will happen). I also will accidentally touch something with one of my fingers so then I have to even it out by touching it with all of my fingers. I have thoughts like “If you dont do *something* a certain amount of times then *something* will happen to someone”. These are some of the more mild thoughts I get, but they do get pretty violent. But I never feel right and I always feel uneven and I cant tell if this is normal or not. Most of the time I cant even go a few minutes without having to do something (that can potentially harm me) in fear that something will happen. Almost every week i unintentionally come up with a new thing I have to do repeatedly and now my mind feels so full with stuff I have to do or itll have a certain outcome. I cant say more because now I feel like if I say it, it will happen. I cant use any negative words cuz i feel like something will happen. If I need to explain more in depth I will, but can someone please tell me if I should get help for this? Because it is REALLY impacting my life and I feel like im constantly trying to hide from my thoughts and its all of the time i cant take it anymore

Ordering Repeating Extreme overthinking Hours and hours doing my those OCD rituals Cannot read or write because of this Taking time while switching on fan/light etc.... Self harming No one understands about my OCD It's been 2 years Random crying and feeling helpless and lost most of the time Re doing and re writing and re reading Checking doors Arranging doormats sometimes takes like 20-25 minutes to arrange doormats Random and worst compulsions Example: Touch the door 4 times or else my loved one will die Then it becomes 4x4 16 Random imaginations of numbers Nothing becomes perfect Wasting all my time to study (I'm in 10TH GRADE)doing all these. Very slow while writing notes in class because of rewriting and my bench mates notices it sometimes and makes fun of it. Even my bestfriend doesn't understands me and laughs at it but she tries to support me but they are not understanding what I am going through. Compulsion while I go to bed when I am extremely tired and then I waste the next minutes or maybe hours doing those without sleeping even if I am tired or class the next day. Seeing all these my parents yell at me and makes fun of laugh at me call me mad or crazy.Mu siblings and my cousins laugh at me and says "Stop doing these.Why are you acting" "JUST STOP THESE". I ALWAYS DO RITUALS WITH THE ANXIETY THAT SOMETHING HAPPENS TO MY PARENTS.And I love soo much that I can't even explain but my parents don't understand why I am doing these and one day my father pleaded and cried saying that "Please stop this.Dont be crazy.You are making me sad and tense.These are just your thoughts". One day while going to a function(we were running late) and my family was in a hurry that time I was ordering the footwears which was kept outside my house it tooke me 8 or more minutes and my father yelled at me and He destroyed all of the arrangement with his leg and all my hardwork was ruined and watching this my sibling started laughing hardly and I broke down into tears and yelled back at him and said that I'm not coming without arranging these. COUNTING ALWAYS. Retyping things, My teachers noticed this during computer lab and yelled at me.

Today I feel less ocd after spending all night obsessively reaching out to people tired of hearing the same trauma the call drama and bs..they don't even wanna read the thing I just desperately n with nocontrol to stop like pressurized sat n texted out I a booklet form trying to reach a human worth reaching out Tha will take the time n try..I fell different though..like I'm not a disables as I thought..like maybe all my hard times I sat n question y God would put me threw after living the child hood I grew uo in questioning every thing I ever said did or didn't do..n boxed into a mental war dying as a pedifile bc I acting out sexually as a child n thought I wa being tirtueed..yet today I feel like maybe I was nit being tortured but deliberately forces to broke down the soul shattering lessons I wasn't leaening..I feel almost older now like dar. How come I didn't catch on sooner but I feel the weight has shifted n I'm not no longer being murdered for my son's but instead I was chosen to air out all the abuse I tool part and that was taken part upon me on purpose to be the chosen one who deserved to proudly walk that path endured alof it came out a child of God I knew I was and forgiven o my hypothesis before only today I feel proved to me thru music opened to me people i took time to love during darkest moments all of a sudden appear in my news feeds singing God's army 2024 not a pedifile n. Even was the death I was assuming I wa dying in when I wa actually being saved in..Making me finally wanna walk as the chosen one who learned a lesson about trying to be cool and pretending building relationships one way n not at all worth it I feel I learned so much I can't express it all..u fell I need to throw this pack if cigarettes down n let Gid guide me thru it bc he walked me thru not he'll but a chosen path thought i was alone n left n no one heard my cries n pain n pure Gid gifted heart but now the entire world has changed where I no longer have to stay in the past as much as i thought I wa trapped there n doctors where punishing bring all the bad moments back like to keep making me answer for things I already thought I took responsibility but maybe I wa choosing to relive n live in the past..but today I feel I walk with a different set of eyes no longer pretending and just as innocently ready to run to give it another shit to love live and walk on Purpose as the survivor who endured all that life nit death and still need to make every next sec count bc God 9nly knows how many y are left..n to completely walk with the gifted heart to speak lolebtye child of Gid Jesus saved..to not cuss not breed hate to nit pretend someone is loving worthy to nit slip back into my just learned life om excited to love n live in.im different..I feel I wa given assistance I wanna make those proud I endures that every sec felt and learned some things..to be that chosen one whi taught some people so many things that if u saw me in the world we share..u maybe would be proud I survived n changed and u watched as it went down..to make several people proud intentionally.no crowns only one king Jesus. To not be a rider die or gangsta or think drugs sex n rock n roll is cool anymore ti hang up all that n walk as an adult now.careful not to fall back in when I just barely gut out doctors are amazing i.been disabled for 11 years now n I literally been off my meds since about a week after Dec 31st 2024 n feel so.healed natrong i believe I can confirm with my doctors I am the one chosen to show u proof a mind can do alot to be so disabled n now walk un medicated un drugged by street drugs n be given life actually proven a disabled mind can be healed n saved..I thought I was a lost cause committing suicide left n right nit caring what happened to me destroying myself w no care as to rue danger I was putting myself in..now I see it and I'm in shock i went thru so much n came out ok n a survivor not a pedifile still scars slight anxiety some ocd still and a highly functional paranoid pzschofrinc with bi polar and depressive manic traits nit sure how they worded that one after manic deppressive ---i feel.like a battle was one and stronger from my soul shift It's all possibly a delusion but that's fear trying ti crep back in..I heard no human to talk w except singers thru music n my data is at .58 n ik loosing the opened door I just barely finally felt.all these new thoughts n saw wow I'm in shock..I'm proud of.myself..I think u should be.mpaim changes people yes but the lord he chooses some pain to mk a human show his word I walked that life blindly.im so ready for this next chapter.n terrified I'm gonna slip up..Jesus saved me. Fact

hii everyone, so, it has been about 2 or 3 years I’d say since I’ve been dealing with this. let’s just get right into it, so first, whatever I have (which might be OCD, I’m not entirely sure what it is) has taken over basically most of my childhood, and what kills me is that I’ll never get it back. one thing I know is that im not normal, i now get sleepless nights. why you may ask? because of my horrifying thoughts, “if you don’t look up you’ll be praying to the devil and you’ll go to hell!” “if you don’t say ‘God bless them’ their condition will happen to you!” “if you don’t say ‘good yetho 2x’ (idek..) ‘your mom will die 5x’ you’ll die and forget how to read. “if you don’t put your arms up, look directly up at the ceiling because if you look down you’ll pray to the devil so you need to look up, and say ‘Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you forgive me for my sins in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.’ you’ll go straight to hell!” or whenever I touch a wall, i need to touch it with my small finger because if I touch it twice with my pointer finger my body will go to hell. it’s an endless cycle, and what’s even worse is that I may never be able to get help. I’ll never get that life back that I wanna live, and it kills me. I’ve named most of the compulsions and obsessions I have and I have 18 compulsions that are physical and about 5 obsessions that I really don’t wanna name right now. anyway, i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve done a lot of research regarding around disorders, and it’s safe to say that I may have OCD. Now, do i want ocd? absolutely not. however, there’s a family member in my family who has it. so the chances of me having it are strong, i don’t think I’m able to get better until I’m 18. an adult. I’m 12 years old, my mom has noticed my compulsions and me repeating certain words. but she does nothing, absolutely nothing. instead, she just argues with me over it. if I ever tell my mom to sit down and ask her about getting a test, she would probably call me the R-Slur and tell me I’m crazy. Therefore, I’m all alone in this situation with no one to help me. another obsession I have is about me catching cancer if I don’t do a compulsion or I might get paralyzed and get sleep paralysis. It’s so horrifying, there’s more obsessions and compulsions I have but I really don’t wanna name them right now. I cry almost every day because of how exhausted I am, and how much help i truly want to get but I don’t think I ever will. I’m unsure whether or not I have ocd, people tell me to get a diagnosis. but the situation I am in right now makes it impossible. i have no way of getting tested but I have a good feeling I have ocd, if you’re reading this, please try to give me your thoughts and what I should do, and if I even have OCD. Thanks! :))

im very. tired. just drained. the past four or so weeks have taken everything out of me. the energy, drive, hope, etc. i would love to believe it's tied to school (im in my 4th week) but honestly its been the only thing keeping me from js throwing in the towel on everything (not saying in a self harm way, i mean as in js completely giving into the depressive episode). cant trust my dad. cant trust my mom. was already the case before, but gets worse and worse every single day. as in remembering or finding out abt things that fundamentally change the way i see them as people, let alone as parents. nobody in my family is aware of the actual details of my mental health/illnesses. not to say i want everyone to know everything, obviously NOT, but i don't have anyone to go to as my symptoms worsen, knowing i will either be called a liar or they'll tell everyone else. same with friends. not that i don't trust them, but im scared it'll either scare them away or they won't know what to say and ill be left feeling more alone than i already feel. im ashamed and im terrified of myself, of all the years ahead of me people keep talking about, unaware that everytime i think of the future, i think of the fact that some of my more severe symptoms/illnesses will never truly be gone. in fact, inversely, much is expected to worsen. im trying to act proud. they ask so many questions, and i give answers to appease. but i feel myself spiraling out again and i am so, so, so exhausted. my rituals... the handwashing, the magic number, the taboo intrustive thoughts, the skin picking and now the hair pulling (these two are now taking up most of my days home), etc. and the bpd, this empty pit i feel, these huge jumps between being so angry with someone and a moment later crying myself sick because i feel bad about the anger and interpret everything as rejection or conspiracy. then there's the visual and auditory hallucinations, the constant nagging in the back of my head telling me im being watched, im only acting human, everything i am saying is untrue and someone else is acting through me, unaided by the dizzying jumps from dissociating, depersonalizing, and hyperawareness... even writing this, i keep thinking i am lying. i am lying, everything i do is false, orchestrated, action taken through me from someone or something external, it's taking everything out of me. i can't sleep, then i sleep too much. the addiction, too. im not going to, nor do i feel necessarily the urge to, harm myself. im just tired. very tired. thinking of harming myself, actually, feels like such a waste of time and energy. i just want to let the world pass me by, drag me along with it, let it take over. ugh.

I’m so mentally exhausted… as soon as I have a short period of time where I feel everything is good my body decides to be like “oh hey here’s this, you should definitely get that checked out” I’m so sick of the worrying, I’m so sick of the medical bills, I’m so sick of the drs, im sick of losing sleep, I’m so sick of not being able to live my life fully & peacefully. I’m just so tired. People tell me “you know you just don’t have control over these kind of things” OKAY but if I catch it in time then I do a little.. if there’s a slightest chance I can prevent something bad happening to me my brain refuses to give up on it until I’m 100% certain that particular thing is ok. It just never rests. I try to think positively & manifest good things into my life & my body. I saw somewhere if you think something enough & start to believe it then it could actually happen which has become a whole new fear of mine. So now I’m like “don’t manifest a tumor, don’t manifest heart issues” but it’s THERE. I’m just lost, I hate living like this. Any words of encouragement? If you experience this, what helps you?? Or does anything?

About 4-5 months ago, I was walking to the grocery store and I noticed a tiny newborn pink runt mouse or maybe rat right on the curb. Eyes closed, must’ve just been born, but no mother in sight (which is why I assume it was the runt). There were a bunch of cars making the right turn for freshman move-in day at the college I live near. I had a dilemma — should I take this rat out of harm’s way and put it on the sidewalk? But then what if someone steps on it? Since it’s a runt and its mother is nowhere to be found, wouldn’t it just starve to death if I move it and it doesn’t get hit by a car? The only ethical choice was I have to pick it up and adopt it, but then I was like I don’t know how to even care for it and I may just cause more harm by doing that. Also being the stupid people pleaser I am, I didn’t want to “inconvenience” the oncoming traffic of stressed out parents moving in their kids. So I made a split-second decision and I just kept walking. I didn’t pick up the runt. I had a feeling it would get run over, and I almost turned around but I didn’t want people to look at me like what is this weird girl doing (if you can’t tell, I care way too much about what other ppl think of me). Anyways, I was walking back from the store, and of course, the runt had been run over and was completely dead. I feel like it was completely my fault for not picking it up and adopting it and I feel like I manifested the car to run it over too bc I had the thought that it would. I still think about this every few weeks or so, and I feel like a murderer. The guilt I feel about this event weighs so heavily on me. I have considered adopting a pet rat to “undo” my immoral behavior, but I know the regret and guilt would keep coming back even if I compulsively rescued a rat and it wouldn’t even be enough. What do I do?

I keep thinking my mom is going to die even though she’s safe and does not have anything wrong going on. The last phone call we had I had told her that I was on the phone with a person from 988. She sounded so worried about me and I don’t want that stress to be too much for her. It’s magical thinking, I know, but I’m terrified of losing any of my family.

Anyone deal with this? Uncertainty regarding an event in your past. You wonder was anyone hurt but you can never know for sure. Always fearing you are going to get in trouble one day. Then on top of that the thoughts regarding the event feel so real that you walk around defeated feeling like you are so bad and you should just tell everyone. Then the intrusive thoughts that make you fear the worst case scenario are always in your head all day everyday for a year. Then you start seeing confirmation/signs of your worst fear/intrusive thoughts everywhere that seem to confirm your fears. You start wondering is God trying to tell you something because every thing you watch, see, hear seems to point to or talk about what you’re obsessing about. Then because of the uncertainty you ask God to tell you what the outcome of the event was. Then all of a sudden you start seeing more signs of your theme and think is God confirming this. Then there are days where you get or see confirmation debunking your fear of worst case scenario and you wonder is God giving me signs in the other direction now.

It’s the third month of 2024 and life has been just a lot of good and bad no in between, and it’s affecting my OCD. My sibling got engaged (at first we thought it was an abusive relationship but they seem to be working things out) I started majoring in sign language and made Deaf friends, My friend’s mom died and my soul sister’s best friend died and she found the body. The thoughts about me touching something the wrong way and someone dying is going INSANE and although I think that an important part of life is remembering we all die, So much death has happened I feel like the world is caving in. False memories, magical thinking intrusive thoughts etc. Any advice?

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

What has led you to believe that OCD is the source of truth? Or it could be that you cannot distinguish between what are thoughts and what are OCD thoughts. A normal thought considered significant becomes a compulsion especially when you attach meaning and get anxious about it. What OCD is doing in your brain is searching for threats when there are none. Trying not to have a thought is like pushing a baloon into the water in the hope that the balloon will sink, but it will come up and you know it's hopeless. That's how it's with OCD. I get that everybody is afraid to do ERP because I don't know how to emphasze this enough, it's really scary to do ERP. It's not easy. It's not supposed to be easy. If it was easy, we as a community wouldn't exist, nor OCD specialists. Because it would have been easy, and we would have gone on with our lives simply because it was easy. It's hard to do ERP. But it's worth it. And those people who still think they can't do ERP. They can instead actually try "Do nothing" about the intrusive thoughts thing. We are already exposed to intrusive thoughts whether we consciously do it or not in the case of ERP. But take the opportunity and use those intrusive thoughts as exposure and change our response around it. Sometimes I sound like I don't have OCD. And I know that. I suffer from OCD just like you do. I suffer from Pure O, Magical thinking, and superstitious numbers, and the list can go on. Even as I am writing this, my OCD is like erase that sentence and think about something positive or else something bad will happen. So what have I done then? Nothing. How do I feel? Terrible! And the distress is too uncomfortable. But this way I know, I am starving OCD. And then it tries its best to change and attack other things that I value and love. But once you decide and tell yourself with courage that, I can candle anything that OCD throws at me, that's when you claim power back from OCD. OCD knows your limit of tolerance. So it always try to go higher than that. Try not to outsmart OCD. Because you can't. What you can do is sit in the discomfort and do nothing about your thoughts and compulsions. I always say this and I will say it again, it sounds so easy. But when it comes to doing, we are all back to doing compulsions, and neutralizing thoughts. Somehow it just doesn't work. Why? Because deep inside all of us we have the what ifs, and they have us fight and flight response which makes the thoughts, urges feel so real. Except, it's not dangerous at all. So an alternative to the ERP is "Do nothing". And it's not something new, nor do I take credit of inventing it. No. Most of us are tired of OCD. We need to get tired of the default responses we have for the compulsions and replace them with nothing. We can try. Stay Safe. Awais Bahar

For the past 8 months I’ve been terrified of developing schizophrenia, I’ve gone through various stages of this theme, like in the beginning I was really afraid of hallucinating and stuff like that but as the months and this obsession progressed I’ve become more afraid of having delusions and the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. In the beginning after watching a demonic horror movie or something I would start getting awful intrusive thoughts like “what if I start to believe my wife is a demon” or “what if I start believing the government is run by satan” or some shit, but now i get thoughts like that all the time and even without watching horror movies, and now the “what if I start to believe” part is gone and now the thoughts are like “what if my wife is a demon.. well you can’t prove she’s not” etc etc. my ocd or anxiety has really latched onto these delusional, demonic thoughts. I hate them so much, I have never ever believed in superstitious stuff like this before, I am a literal atheist and a secular humanist. What is wrong with me? Has anyone ever had intrusive thoughts like this?

Hi everybody I have a quick question. I have been dating for a while and unfortunately we had to break up because of all the fights and troubles. We also had really really nice moments and I am pretty sad it didn't work out. Mostly had something to do with me boyfriends past. I have always been an overthinker, had lots of anxiety and stress etc. But last year was really bad sometimes. Now my question is; I am so scared due to all the stress (alternating with really good moment) causing cancer. Stress was always just 1 or 2 days, so not months on end. But I know stress decreaseds your immunsystem and therefore can cause cancer. I am not looking for reassurance regarding if stress does or does not cause cancer. But what I wanted to know is: is it my fault when eventually I do get cancer due to the stress? It was really a mix of things and the breakup was nobody's fault but it feels so annoying that now I don't have a boyfriend anymore and maybe I get cancer from all the stress... so I am beating myself up for not ending it sooner. There was no physical fight or anything, it just didn't work out and we both know this is for the best. Still I am mad at myself for all the stress I caused myself

Hi, I have never posted on a forum before because I’m scared someone will come back and say ‘it’s not OCD’. Anyway, I have always had obsessional thoughts. Always obsessed about my health and if I was going to die. I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (2months) and we are moving in together in 2 weeks. I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. I have also just started therapy. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!! oh and my head says ‘what if you go to therapy and discover your true desires and it turns out that it isn’t ocd’

As the title suggests, my OCD acts up whenever bodily fluids are involved, including my own. 😅 It has caused me difficulties in my relationship. My partner is perfectly content with the pace we are at regarding intimacy and is incredibly patient with me; however, I can react at even the slightest idea of getting “contaminated” with, say, my partner’s fluids. ☹️ Early in our relationship, even when we were hugging fully clothed, I worried about contamination (and also magically “getting pregnant”☠️) because our bodies were touching at the crotch area. I’m doing better now, but I’ve been unable to engage in certain acts because of it. My partner is not asking for anything—in fact, he is perfectly content waiting until marriage! I’m more so asking for my sake. I just know that when the time DOES arrive that we both want to get more intimate—even if that means just removing more clothing,—I know I will be terrified of getting contaminated. Today, for example, while kissing, I accidentally bit his lip and tasted blood. INSTANTLY the mood was destroyed and I couldn’t function properly. I felt so much guilt for being this disturbed because it’s my PARTNER, of all people, but I began worrying about STDs. Does anyone have any tips? My OCD mainly fixates on pregnancy and STDs here.

Last week, I had a really bad OCD spiral, where I was convinced that I was in fact paranoid and going "crazy". I ended up going to the ER, and they confirmed that it was in fact my OCD and prescribed me meds. I met with a few psychiatrists and they also confirmed that I have OCD. I started therapy with NOCD on Tuesday, and had a great session, and felt great! And yesterday, I was doing pretty good, where I was able to go into the office, and have a normal work day. I still had those intrusive thoughts regarding paranoia but didn't cause me distress and kind of just pushed them away with ease. This morning, I started having some bad intrusive thoughts where I see myself trying to fight the negative thoughts in my head. These intrusive thoughts sometimes feels like its another person in my head. I've had these experiences before, and I tell myself that these are just my thoughts, and not anybody else's, and I am afraid that I am believing that there is some kinda entity in me trying to convince me that these intrusive thoughts are true. Coming from a very religious background, it makes it even harder for me to push these thoughts away because people in church will tell you that it is an evil spirit causing this distress. I know that this doesn't make sense from a rational perspective, but it makes me always question that it might be true. I find myself trying to tell this "entity" or spirit that it doesn't belong in my brain, which makes me feel like I might have a more severe mental illness.

Scary intrusive thoughts For the past 8 months I’ve been terrified of developing schizophrenia, I’ve gone through various stages of this theme, like in the beginning I was really afraid of hallucinating and stuff like that but as the months and this obsession progressed I’ve become more afraid of having delusions and the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. In the beginning after watching a demonic horror movie or something I would start getting awful intrusive thoughts like “what if I start to believe my wife is a demon” or “what if I start believing the government is run by satan” or some shit, but now i get thoughts like that all the time and even without watching horror movies, and now the “what if I start to believe” part is gone and now the thoughts are like “what if my wife is a demon.. well you can’t prove she’s not” etc etc. my ocd or anxiety has really latched onto these delusional, demonic thoughts. I hate them so much, I have never ever believed in superstitious stuff like this before, I am a literal atheist and a secular humanist. What is wrong with me? Has anyone ever had intrusive thoughts like this?

so a few months ago i heard about “the lamp” story on reddit. it’s sent me into overdrive since and i’ve been struggling extremely bad since i heard about it. earlier today i was showing my friends my tattoo, i was telling them what it said off memory but they corrected me and said “no it’s says “until being strong is the only choice you have” and i can and have only remembered it said “strength is the only choice you have”. (that is not the full tattoo that is just the part that was mixed up). it instantly brought me back to the lamp story … in the story he saw a lamp was looking “odd” or “warping” and it caused him to wake up from a coma. in his dream he had a family and a whole life and a job and all and came to find out none of it was real. since then i have been struggling with nothing being real and convincing myself i am also in a situation similar. my brain instantly brought me into hyperdrive and has told me the tattoo is my “lamp” and it is going cause me to wake up from a coma because it’s not what i remember it being. please tell me someone understands. i am really not okay and in all honesty i feel like im going insane.