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Does anyone else fear they have BPD? Or that they’ll develop it? Or have to take online quizzes to reassure themselves they don’t but do relate to some of the symptoms? I feel like it’s driving me insane.

so i just realized that i’m having panic/anxiety attacks related to derealization. basically i think about existing and being my own being that only i control and no one else. then i start to panic and i just did that about half an hour again. i then start to worry that i don’t want to be here which has been leading into suicidal ocd because i’ve never actually been suicidal (and am NOT). i get really bad nausea when these attacks happen and it’s really scary because then my emetaphobia gets triggered. does anyone have techniques about how to ground yourself and calm down when you feel it coming?

A few month ago I woke up shaking every single morning, Vomiting most days from the debilitating anxiety ocd had thrown me in. I’ve realized I didn’t just wake up one morning with this but it sure felt like it. The intensity had simply built after years of my ocd being ignored not only by me but the 8 therapists I had seen. It became so intense I could barely pull myself to work in the morning. I had lost 20 pounds in probably around a month. That was the wake up call, My father struggled with ocd so I thought it was worth a shot to explore this possibility and sure enough after my first appointment with nocd I was not only certain that I had OCD but that I had it BAD. ERP didn’t make sense, Until IT DID. There are some of you who are at the beginning of your OCD journey, right where I was who do not believe recovery is possibly I know I sure as heck didn’t, BUT OH MY GOSH IS IT REAL and I’m doing it🥳!!! My ocd specialist GETS ME, I’ve never had someone get my weird little brain so much, let alone know how to get it to feel better.

Absolutely convinced I have skin cancer. I have a lot of moles.. some are big and dark. A lot of people have said they look normal but I’m still panicking. I’m 25 and have never been to a dermatologist and most of these moles have been on my body since birth. I can’t bring myself to go to the dermatologist bc I’m convinced that I have cancer that has gotten so advanced that I’m going to die. I know I need to go to the dr and it’s better to go sooner than later but I am SO convinced that I’ll be told I’m going to die if I go and I’m not ready to hear the news. Anyone struggle with something similar? Any advice or comments? 😭

Well I haven’t been diagnosed with ocd, but I have had themes in the past (health, and sexuality, as well as magical thinking) and to be honest if you were to ask me in april-may I would’ve told you that im super confident this is ocd. Now, I just don’t know, I know I shouldn’t be asking here and telling strangers to diagnose me and that I should go see a psychiatrist instead and I will soon enough. These Violent Thoughts have not gone away, only my emotions have. Thankfully I think I can classify the thoughts as intrusive (altough I think I involuntarily bring them up) and not ideation, but this again comes to me feeling numb, I think this is depression, but I just feel like I just don’t care anymore about anything. Just typing that I feel like I don’t care but also makes my stomach feel a little wierd. Recently I feel so off, Brain fog, and constant headaches on the back and top of my head, I don’t know if this is psychosis, dissociation, or a brain tumor. I don’t drink nor do I smoke and I’m glad I don’t but it makes me wonder what is the root of these mental problems I’m currently having. But it’s also bad because when people try to give me supportive words and advice, I cant feel anything when they do. I know that I’m not myself in the moment, and that I desperately need help. I’m sorry for those who have suicidal thoughts or ocd, but I wish my thoughts were more about myself rather then others (again sorry if you’re dealing with this and I hope you recover from these thoughts) and only two of my friends know what I’m going trough, and a few online strangers. I haven’t told my family because the fear of how they’ll view me on my thoughts. I just never thought that I would hit a mental health crisis when I’m about to be 18 going to college. I’m desperately trying to find a job so I could pay for a psychiatrist on my own. I think though I’ll ask my college to see if they have any there. I do want to get better and be normal like other people, but sometimes I wish I was just dead. Sorry for the long rant but this is the truth on how I’m feeling

Hello all! This is my first post. I’m so thankful I’ve found this community. I was diagnosed with OCD in 1999. Back when I was first diagnosed, SSRI’s were just coming around and it was a leading treatment for OCD. I am SO THANKFUL for these meds, but for the most part, I’ve gone for almost 21 years unmonitored on Zoloft. Sometimes adjusting my own dose. I know this isn’t the correct way to do things. I have also never tried any other form of therapy along with it. I would love, at some point to get off of Zoloft to just see how I function. I e raised two children and been married 26 years on these meds and the side effects. Maybe in conjunction with other therapy, I could reduce the meds, who knows?Have any of you been on an SSRI for that many years?

I’m terrified of the dentist but have to go because my tooth is broken off in a spot and I’ve been in pain for a week. I’m worried about bleeding to death or pain or freaking out cause I feel scared of something. My appointment is tomorrow morning.

I keep a digital journal, and this is one of my entries. Does anyone relate to this? I’d like to know your thoughts. 🩷 “A video on Instagram heavily triggered my OCD today, and honestly my instinct was to skip it which I did initially, but then I thought “You know what? No. I need do an exposure.” So, I went back, and I rewatched it, and I sat with the (horrible) feelings that came along with watching this video. It has been really hard for me to sit with anxiety, guilt, and uncertainty. My heart rate has been extra high today, which has been frustrating and annoying because I have POTS so my heart rate is already chronically high majority of the time, and it being high due to anxiety when I’m laying down and trying to relax too is just frustrating. I’m very tired today, but also very anxious, so I feel like I haven’t been able to unwind enough to sleep. I laid down for a few hours but probably only stayed asleep for one hour total. My OCD is also making me feel as though I not only deserve the physical symptoms of my mental disorder(s), but that I also deserve to suffer with chronic health issues too. I have realized this is how I subconsciously deal with my physical health issues, mentally. I tell myself it’s okay because I deserve to bear these physical burdens and I deserve this suffering. All in all, today has been rough. But I’m surviving.”

Hey everyone. So I have ocd, as well as everyone here of course, but! I’m having a bad issue. So I deal with fear of psychosis very badly and I got a lot of anxiety from having dpdr a few years ago that have lingered . Well Ive been dreaming very badly and having terrible nightmares and in my dreams I’m screaming to wake up. I don’t understand it. But its like in my dreams im so so scared of dpdr and psychosis and scary stuff happens in them. It’s causing a lot of distress , to the point I dread sleeping. Now in real life I’m scared sometimes I’ll see or hear things and I’m scared I’ll be stuck in dpdr forever and everything. But I’ve been doing better at calming down. But my dreams are so so so bad. I mean I’m waking up sweating and then being scared to get up bc I’m having horrible nightmares with weird shit happening in them. Anyone experience anything like this. And now my heads like what if I’m getting psychosis 🤦‍♀️. It’s like no break for me. It’s horrible.

My daughter is almost 9 and she was diagnosed OCD almost 2 years ago. I am looking for support on how to support her. She has reassurance compulsions, always needs to know everything is okay. This can be from touching something or smelling something or walking by something. She asks me like 400 times a day.. she also needs the house in perfect order all the time. She is the 2nd oldest of 4 and can’t handle anyone playing with anything or things being out of place. She won’t ever relax and is constantly cleaning and reorganizing the house. She also is very fearful of being sick and is scared that everything will make her sick. She also has a really hard time making friends because it’s hard for her to hide what is bothering her. I thought she might have hfasd, and her psychiatrist agreed that she might but I figure if I can start helping her OCD then maybe I can help her as a whole. She just has a lot of anxiety attacks and I am burnt out on what to do. I feel helpless in how to help her. There are 3 other kids I am responsible for and she consumes almost every moment of my day, except for when she is at school.

Good afternoon, Background: I am a 34 year old male who has a wife and two kids, four and one. I have had anxiety since I was in elementary school. In the third grade, I would go to the nurse every school day because I thought I was sick. I also struggled with thoughts about burglars entering the house, my family getting hurt, etc. I got "passed this" (not really), but then I became obsessed with rituals when I played sports or was in high tense situations and felt tremendous anxiety when I didn't do them. I graduated high school and moved to college. While at college, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. What brought this on was I couldn't walk past a certain crack in the sidewalk without thinking an intrusive thought. This repeating helped take away the pain and sadness of the thought. After talking with the licensed school counselor, I started taking Sertraline and continued to deal with repeating. However, I was able to live my life and came to the understanding that repeating would just be part of it. At that time, I thought "I would much rather have anxious thoughts, repeat, and move on then try to face them." What Led Me Here: I had ups and downs regarding my mental health in adulthood, but I never really put much thought into it. COVID 19 happened and my son was born in 2020. I found an OCD therapist that helped me deal with intrusive thoughts about my newborn son. I would ruminate and think about whether my son would get hurt or die. I didn't feel bodily anxiety in this situation, because I would just repeat and the thought would go away. I worked with my therapist until the negative feelings went away. It seemed like everything was fine, until 2024. This past winter, I began to feel bodily sensations related to anxiety. I reached back out to my OCD therapist in January and started working with her again. At the end of February, I had an anxiety attack for the first time in my life. The feeling of anxiety I had never felt before lasted for a week and a half and it was extremely difficult. I was always proud of myself when I told people, "My OCD has never affected my ability to complete tasks or do important things." This wasn't the case anymore. I had to take a mental health day for the first time ever. I was able to get through that experience. Two weeks later, it came back. It lasted for about two weeks and my therapist helped me get passed those feelings. Instead of working with her every week, we moved to every other week. Fast forward to my current situation. I had not felt that bodily anxiety sensation for a while, but it came back when I got home from a five-day golf trip. Intrusive thoughts about not wanting to be a father or husband filled my body when I got home. The anxiety feeling returned and now I am here. **If you have read this far, thank you. I feel like it is important to know my story. These three encounters with anxiety and OCD has shown me that I have not been doing my part in getting myself better. I am always looking for short cuts and ways to barter with my anxiety and mental health. Now, I am attempting to not argue with my OCD and let intrusive thoughts in. My therapist and I are working on I-CBT (Inference Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and I wasn't following through with the plan my therapist and I came up with together. Why I Am Writing this Novel I am trying to be positive and believe my core values (wanting to be happy, be a dad, be a husband, etc.), but I no longer have repeating to fall back on. Now, it is just rumination, obsession, and assurance seeking - the battle within. These past couple days, I have struggled mightily with my happiness. It is constant negativity in my head: - "Why bother? You will never be happy" - "You are a horrible parent. You would rather watch TV then be with your kids." - "You are a horrible husband. You are putting your wife through all of this." - "OCD will always win and dictate the life you have." - "See! You are feeling anxiety, so all of your work is worthless." I know the answers to my obsessions. I know the tools I need to use. I am just very afraid that I will not get better. My son, daughter, and wife deserve a present family member. I simply cannot live life like this. It is not a life full of happiness. It is just a life of continuous worry. I mean, I am already feeling dread about my kids growing up and graduating and they are four and one! Again, thank you for reading this. I just want to be better.

Hey everyone hope you’re all doing well! (Unlike me) So I need some help, if somebody’s child is sick, terminally ill or unfortunately passed away, I can’t associate with that person, that persons name or their child’s name or look at photos etc, I can’t even say or think that persons name because I will think of their name and their kids and then I will believe that my daughter will also end up with that child’s illness or even end up passing awah how that child unfortunately has, and I have to do so many rituals to stop it I’m constantly worrying about SIDS my daughter is now 9 months and absolutely striving but it terrifies me so I always think about people who’s had kids with illnesses (deadly) or passing away and it’s all that pops into my head and I feel like cause I keep thinking about these people for instance somebody in my family went through this sadly and their name etc and kids keep popping in my head and every time it does I fear my child will also end up in that situation if that makes sense? I don’t know what to do! I have to repeat over and over people and their kids names who are healthy it’s so draining I’m constantly worrying and checking on my daughter to see that she is still alive due to this

Does anybody else feel like therapy just doesn't help them? I first went to therapy when I was 8 and that was when I was diagnosed with high levels of anxiety and ocd. I went for a few months but then I didn't want to go anymore and didn't feel like I needed to so I stopped but then everything got worse when I was 11-12 I became anorexic because I was so scared of eating/getting sick . I went for a couple months then my therapist got fired for talking about other patients to other patients and vaping. So I got a new one but after about a year she said a "didn't need it anymore" which might have been true but it still made me confused. Since then I haven't had in person therapy until about a year ago so I went online for it on the better help site for a couple months . But I found that just telling the therapist about my life and ocd just wasn't helping because she was a little old and everytime we had a new meeting the next week she would forget everything I had told her and I would have to say it all over again which frustrated me. I want to get better but therapy just hasn't seemed to work for me . It just seems like the therapist is judging me and i feel like I can't even tell them my true thoughts and problems cause I would be judged or sent away (to like a mental hospital or something). Everytime i have been therapy I was very self conscious about what I would say and some of it wouldn't even be true , because I felt like I couldn't trust them for some reason. And I was wondering if anyone else had this same problem.

Hey all. Coming on here just to rant really. Any advice or similar experiences would be great to hear. Trying not to ask for reassurance at all. My OCD has always been health related. It’s always been an extreme health fear of some sort. I had a fear of schizophrenia after a severe panic attack that gave me months of Dpdr. Kind of got over that w the help of my ocd therepist. Then followed visual snow because of floaters and probably pretty normal visual disturbances normal people have. I had on and off anxiety but nothing as bad as that was. Now I had another bad anxiety attack at work two days ago and my thoughts and obsessions have been at an all time high. I can NOT seem to shake this. I felt extremely dizzy during my panic attack (it was brought on by taking antibiotic on an empty stomach and almost fainting) and now I’ve done hours of googling symptom checking and hyperfixating on a new disease cause Alice in wonderland syndrome and vertigo. I will stare at things to make sure they aren’t getting bigger or smaller around me. I feel dizzy when turning my head to fast or looking around to fast. It’s crazy how these thoughts make you genuinely feel the symptoms you are fearful of. I go on my birthday vacation in a week and I just don’t want this to ruin it. It’s like a fine line in my mind between me being like (this is JUST your ocd thoughts and no you might actually have this because you’re body is showing symptoms) I am repeating mantras like this is just your ocd. Just your intrusive thoughts. I’m trying to have my mind else where like doing house cleaning and duties. I am planning on going to the gym. I want the reassurance that I don’t have these diseases soooo bad. But I know that willl only feed into the monster of OCD. How have my fellow ocd warriors conquered these moments ????

I noticed a spot on my lip that looks to be a mole and I never noticed it before. Anytime I notice a change in my body or skin I just get scared I have something really deadly and I don't survive it

Before I even knew I had ocd around last year I used to smoke a lot of weed like dabs joints carts everyday like a lot of weed and I used to be completely fine until I did shrooms I took 5 pieces of a shroom bar and had a really bad trip where I thought I died and after that I started to get a lot more of ocd symptoms more than ever before I never even knew I had it before this (but I still had all of the symptoms just not as intense but ever since that trip id experienced really bad ocd the past year) it started when I smoked after my trip and thought I was having a heart attack because my chest and left arm hurt and I googled everything nonstop and had to check my pulse every couple of minutes and having a panic attack because of it and then after that I was like I’m going crazy it has to be psychosis and I just started googling and just convincing myself I had all types of different sicknesses this feeling stayed when I was sober but was intensified whenever I smoked especially the existential ocd when I was high I felt like my thoughts were spiraling just about everything my existence and time especially time time freaked me out so much just the concept of it and how nothing lasts forever and even when I was sober time just scared me it made me sad that was out of my control and nothing lasts forever and everything I do will be a memory and just so many thoughts about it that I just can’t even explain into words I recently heard people using micro doses of shrooms to help their ocd I was wondering if anyone had an experience like mine?

Since i had food poisoning, i developed fear, every little feeling of sickness in my stomach, i feel really anxious about my health. Now it became automatic, i just start to feel depressed, im so afraid of having something, become sick, even afraid of being alone and being sick. But one thing makes me really obsessing. I dont want to get checked. I know what you might think, this is avoidance, i should get checked as an exposure. When i told this to my therapist she quickly jumped to "im afraid, im avoiding so i should go, im avoiding cause they might find something" i mean yeah, who is not but thats not the main reason... am i the only one who dont want to get checked for every little reason? I dont want to go to the doctor everytime. If i would have to go everytime i feel something that isnt feel right i would be there every month... I dont like when people say you should go get checked, always make sure its not another problem. With this mentality i would go to the doctor evers 3 weeks... I know they cant say to not get checked, as they cant say to not take meds for mental health issues, this is a personal choice, but still it makes me obsess that i should get checked but i dont want, but if i ask someone else they say too that i should go cause its good and this just makes me feel worse. I have negative experiences with check ups. After covid i developed a very bad cough, it was a tic, it really made me suffer and i was afraid that i have problems with my lungs. I went to a doctor and they said i have a chronic lung illness, i cant do anything about it, it will get worse. I was depressed for the whole week. I couldnt process it. Then someone i know told me to go to the lung clinic and get checked there cause something isnt right about that first diagnosis, i went there and guess what. They found nothing. My lungs were healthy. This was a traumatic experience and i was really angry of the doctors. Second reason, my aunt works at the hospital, and when we had food poisoning she told us to not go to the hospital, only go if our eyes starts to get yellow, so only go if it gets worse cause we will get more illness if we go there.. so even someone who works there doesnt trusts the place... so because of these i developed this mindset that i only go if its a real problem. I dont think im avoiding doctors cause 2 months ago i had a back injury bc of work, and i knew this is something serious, its not ocd, and it wasnt a question that i need to go get checked, actually i wanted to go to know what is it. But there are symptoms that are really really scary for me but i think its bc of stress, and yeah im afraid that they might find something and i cant deal with it, but the main reason is that i dont want to go doctor to doctor to get checked and everyone says different things or noone says anything, and im just there suffering and being afraid. Oh and i forgot to tell you, in the lung clinic they didnt told me why do i have the nagging cough, they jjst prescribed me something. After years i still sufferend with it time to time, and this year i was so done with it, i wanted to find answers, and thank God i found it. A woman on youtube made a video about this,and she said that she went to doctor to doctor and non of them told her whats the problem, but eventually he learned from somewhere that the coughs are there cause of the coughing cycle, the way you stop it is to force yourself to not cough. I tried it, its very hard but it worked. So these things just streghten my view that only go to the doctor if you know its a serious problem. But now im still obsessed about my health and i feel fear that i dont go to get checked and it will be a bad decision

I just woke up out of nowhere with a terrible belly ache, accompanied with the overwhelming fear that I’m going to lose control and that there’s something more wrong with me aside from OCD. I’ve been doing very well the past week or 2, I haven’t felt anxious as much and typically if I’m not feeling very anxious I’m not having a lot of ocd flare ups. Yesterday however my boyfriend and I got into it over me not wanting to go on the boat for the 4th of July for 6 hours. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy I went now. I stayed sober, we got home late but I felt okay in the morning and had a decent time but at the time I wanted nothing more than to just stay at home and snuggle with my dog. My reasonings for not wanting to go were 1. I didn’t wanna drink and be out late because 2. I had to work tomorrow. The last reason was kind of a fluke, I was hoping for the icing on the cake reason, but I didn’t wanna go with the crew we were going with. I have nothing against the people we went with but they’re quite a bit younger than us and I just didn’t wanna go overall so I was grabbing at straws. Long story short, my boyfriend told his brother the reason I didn’t wanna go was cause of the other people going. This sent me over the edge, I was already irritated about us arguing, and now I was worried about everyone thinking I’m a stuck up person that didn’t like any of them. I felt backed into a corner, like now I had to go, and I ran through so many emotions at once and ended up just bursting into tears. That alone had me worried I was gonna lose control because of how many emotions I had just run through and how overwhelmed I was. It’s not a normal occurrence for me to explode into emotions like that, however I know it wasn’t a normal situation for us to be in. I just started my monthly cycle today too which could explain being a little “over emotional.” Although, I know my boyfriend shouldn’t have said that as it put me in a bad spot and he apologized for that. I have therapy tomorrow thankfully and I’ll be able to talk to my therapist about this. I’d say that my biggest ick with OCD is the fear of losing control of my mental health. It fluctuates and I feel confident in my ability to handle my lows, I feel like I get better at dealing with them every time they come. I get so worried that I’m gonna snap into something scarier, something I can’t handle, but I don’t even know what that would be. I get so anxious about getting on medication because I don’t want SSRI’s, I don’t wanna be backed into a corner to take them. I take ketamine before bed for anxiety and ocd which has helped quite a bit with day to day life I believe. I guess this is the end of my rant, I just hate feeling like I’m gonna lose myself :(

I want to ask how you know youre having panic, but i dont mean it like a reassuring way. This is not trying to figure out everytime you have a panic if its panic. I ask this cause noone talks about this, usually videos about panic is about "if you have panic you go get checked" thats understandable, and if youre okay then you can say its panic. But what about those times when you dont have panic for a long time and then it comes back and you forgot about how it feels so youre worrying again if its something is wrong? Everytime you have a long time without panic and then it comes back you have to go to get checked? Everytime you forget or panic changes the sypmtoms or get mixed with real problems you run to the doctor? Isnt that panic fueled? I do forgot how bad it feels like, i didnt had panic more that a year and a half, and what was worse, it got mixed with real problem. I had food poisoning last months and i was really scared. For 2 weeks i didnt had good appetite, i ate but if i ate alot i felt nauseus. When it happened i vomited and had diarrhea, so it wasnt a good experience. I developed fear over vomiting or faiting. So i was working and i ate a little bit more and i got nauseous, i thought i will vomit and be very sick and i started to panic. Then because of panic the nausea got worse. And then i didnt know if im actually nauseous bc of eating so much or because im afraid of vomiting and the slightest sick feeling made me spiral to feel nauseous. So since then if i feel a little bit sick or just feel dizzy a little i get so stressed that those symptoms becomes more strong and it feels like a real danger now... This is one side only, i just have this dizzy, hard to breath panics that i can handle but i know panic can be fast heartbeats like having a heart attack, and if i will experience that i will not be able to stay calm. I remember i used to have rapid heartbeats, one day i had that nonstop for the entire day, my heart didnt wanted to stop and ofc i was worrying but it made it worse. I went to the doctor and they gave me vitamins that helps the heart and the blood, and then eventually went away cause i got calmer, but all day my heart was beating really hard. I felt it without paying attention to it. So i know if i would have that now i would go crazy if theres something wrong with my heart,so the panic and the heartbeats would become worse, which would make me panic more. So in this case i would have to go again to the doctor again cause im not sure what is happening cause i had these syptoms long ago and im not sure if its panic? So everytime you have a non panic season and then it comes back you have to check yourself with a doctor? That sounds more stressful to me. My question is how to know if after a good season the panic comes back, that its panic or it might be real issue?Or when it mixes with real issues like for me. That "everytime you have it after a big break and it feels unfimiliar you go to the hospital" it seems a bad idea. Cause you run bc of panic and you dont show your brain that its not dangerous. Everytime you have a new sypmtom or something that you forgot how it feels, it makes you run to the hospital then you will be alot in the hospital. Or wheb its mixed with a real problem. Someone who has blood pressure issues, if he has a panic attack, everytime he has he needs to run to the hospital? Thats just shows their brain that it is dangerous and they will be afraid of having panic. Or the first exemple they will teach their brain every new sypmtom is dangerous, i have to get checked... How do i calm myself down or remind myself that its not dangerous, its just panic in these situations?

So even tho I'm not yet diagnosed, I am very sure that I have OCD because of other things unrelated to this post. But I was wondering if someone else also knows these situations and thinks this might be OCD as well^^ Sooo these are just three Situations but they are representative for other very similar things that happen to me every now and then. 1. So i was wearing a knitted jacket and noticed a lose sticht. This already made me angry because the jacket wasn't "perfect" anymore. So I took out my sewing kit and fixed the sticht and made it look as good as possible (and it DID look good in the end!). Nevertheless i had to check the entire day if it still looked good or if it looked ugly/unprofessionally done and then I always realized it still looked fine. 2. Whenever I wear tight pants or pants made out of thin material, I always worry about "something showing" through the pants. So I always have to check if people can see something and then I worry about people thinking I'm undecent/pervers for having a body that shows through clothing 😂 3. I was in the train the other day and there was this weird smell. Maybe someone was sweating or something. And then I started to believe it was me smelling weird and then I felt so gross, even tho I knew it was propably not me smelling bad.