Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I often have very visceral and horrifying images of myself dying, usually in an accident that nobody expected. Sometimes I imagine images of my family or friends dying in the same situations, and it drives me nuts. I tell myself I think this way to get attention, like it feels like I have this voice in my head that tells me I want attention so bad that I create fake scenarios in my head that make people feel sympathy for me. But I don’t want to believe it, I don’t believe it. I feel like I’m in a constant battle in my own head!! Does anyone have this same issue?

I remembered something from a few months ago. I zoomed in on family beach photos, particularly the bikinis, and now I’m feeling awful about it, especially because the people in the photos were underage (my boyfriend’s sister and cousin). I think my brain is twisting what my intentions were maybe but saying that feels like I’m trying to excuse myself. At the time, I stopped because it felt weird, but I’m not sure if OCD was involved back then. I moved on and only now am remembering this. I’m struggling with whether this was normal behavior or if I should definitely be feeling guilt over it. The guilt I am feeling right now is unbearable.

sorry for repost. I don’t know if people aren’t answering because they think im weird or gross. but here I am going to upload a post that I made, it has contents of trauma, sexual themed ocd, zoophilia ocd. I need some help, or advice on how to forgive myself or if I should even forgive myself? Some actions are unforgivable, for example (abusing animls, pdo philia , r4pe) and I’m scared that I am unforgivable and irredeemable. This compulsion happened a couple times. I’m scared I morally failed myself and my pets Here’s the post:

I'm constantly worrying that I'm gonna take a bunch of medicine and overdose. I've had this theme for years and it's only gotten worse. My mom currently has all my medicine in her room because it's gotten so bad to the point where I don't feel comfortable around medicine at all because I'm scared I'm just gonna take all of them and die. I've always been a hypochondriac so whenever I have physical symptoms from my anxiety my ocd start to tell me that Im experiencing the symptoms because I took medicine. Whenever I swallow sometimes I convince myself that I'm swallowing a pill. Whenever my mom gives me my medicine she always tells me to grab a water bottle so now everytime I want some water just to drink it my ocd convinces me that I really just want to drink the water to take a whole bunch of medicine with it. At this point I don't know what to do I'm currently not seeing a therapist right now and I think that can be a reason why it's so bad as well. And it's been a little over a month since I started taking Zoloft and going off of Escitalopram. My ocd was bad with escitalopram as well but now it's accompanied by physical anxiety symptoms which causes me anxiety and in turn makes my ocd worse. I just need some advice.

TW currently I’m very in between my life continuing or not. I am a monster I am. I have become the monster that did harm to me as a child. Here’s the story. I was picking up my nephew and rocking him back and forth when I noticed I got a groinal response and felt so disgusted by it. I continued so I could put him to bed and the response continued so I stopped because it’s just so disgusting that my body would respond to that. My brain is trying to tell me no you liked that , you kept going there’s more and you’ve become who you feared. I know nothing more happened, I know I let him go because that’s just simply disgusting.I love him to the moon and back and would never implement such hurt but now I feel like the damage is done. He didn’t cry or anything because I was doing it, he only cried because he was fighting the sleep but he was already tired. Still , I stopped doing it and used another method to help him sleep. Anyway now I just want to end it all because of that. I don’t deserve to have a loving family or my life.

I feel so freaking scared. I know I’ll have an intrusive thought/urge and whatever I know I’m going to fight off another compulsion until I eventually give in bc I’m still so new to this. I am petrified and I feel like I cannot for the life of me relax. I’m sleep deprived, in a terrible place hormonally, withdrawing from meds, and being treated like a burden by people around me. I literally feel like I can’t do this. I keep thinking about those posts where people talk about the hypothetical scenarios where you learn your death date. I feel like if someone told me I’d die soon, I would cry of relief. I would never hurt myself but boy do I not want to experience this anymore.

I feel everything from guilt to fear to anger. OCD is driving me crazy, making me think I want to do this things. It’s like a part of me is scared because I know I don’t want to but then it makes me think I do and that I want this stuff to happen. It’s like I feel hopeless in a way. I know it’s stupid because I’ve dealt with it before so that’s suppressing some of the fear and anxiety I’ve dealt with but because I’m not feeling those emotions full ball my brain is like “oop well obviously you want this”. Going through a full on spiral. It’s like there’s this huge fucking thing on my chest. I can’t even focus on the most basic of conversations because these thoughts are in my head 24/7. It’s like I know it’s OCD but it just keeps me questioning. I know it’s part of the recovery process to feel less and less shameful etc but my brain keeps turning that part on me. I’m just trying to live and get through this. Sometimes just wish I could turn it all off.

Still feeling depressed. acted on inappropriate compulsion to relieve anxiety and couple times with this theme in a way once again was not good and caused me a lot of distress. I feel as though I caused others to be uncomfortable and stop responding to me due to this. I feel so depressed and like I can never forgive myself (I didn’t directly harm my pets, but the compulsion still was not ok) And people keep telling me im not a bad person but I just don’t believe and I feel like crap 😣😰I hate myself. I’ve been through sexual traumas and have sexual themes ocd and am very sad. Also dealt with being hyper sexual my whole life: I am soon to be 21 and scared of judgement so im scared to talk to therapist.

I posted this last night(the next paragraph) and i’m still feeling horrible. Sitting with it until it passes rather than ruminating and trying to disprove it feels like a constant feeling of doom and gloom. I’m so depressed. Has anyone else been through this? I feel horrible😪 I developed ocd as postpartum so my ocd has always latched onto my children. It started as harm and stayed harm for years but then when I was finally able to overcome that theme it switched to pocd and it disturbed me so much that my ocd has stuck with that theme. I was finally able to overcome my ocd and it was mostly gone for many years until a recent stressful life event 2 years ago. I’ve had it under control since it came back until a bad flare up last month and I got through that and have been okay for a couple of weeks but it’s starting back up and i’m scared it will get bad again. It switches back and forth between my son and my daughter. I know my only true thoughts and feelings towards them are genuine motherly thoughts and love. They are my world but my ocd twists everything into something horrible or inappropriate. It can feel so real sometimes even though I know it’s not at all real. It’s so painful and upsetting. I don’t understand my brain. If I know the truth why do I get so stuck on these intrusive thoughts and feelings? I just want to go back to looking at, thinking and feeling about my kids the way I actually do and not the way the ocd says I do. I’m really struggling. I know other moms/dads experience this but very few post and it makes me feel so alone. I’m here if anyone needs support and I can only hope to get support also.

i actually think i’m gonna throw up i searched this just before to see if anyone on here has said similar and they’re all about being lesbians and that’s making me spiral as that’s one of my themes and i know im not one. what i searched was about never having orgasmed i’m 19 now and have been on antipsychotics since 15 but even before then i’d never felt horny or aroused even when trying anything to myself down there i got with my boyfriend at 16 and have been with him ever since and despite him trying i can never orgasm i still don’t feel a thing when i try on my own and sex feels good i guess but like pressure like pain that feels good and i know it’s meant to feel like more when he tries to like rub my c it just hurts it doesn’t feel nice and i feel so embarrassed and ashamed and i hate it so so so much that im like this is there a medical reason for this? i want to blame the antipsychotics so bad but i know before them at 15 and below i never felt anything either and this is making my sexual orientation ocd spiral and saying that subconsciously im a lesbian even though i know im not and my ocd is just trying to latch onto anything this is making me feel so suicidal atm idk what to do

Any advice on how to get hand washing ocd under control? I struggle with washing my hands one time and then fearing it’s not clean enough. What if I have rabies from touching something outside and now it’s still on my hands. What if by me walking into the kitchen and seeing a mouse or a bat,now I need to go wash my hands. This ocd has been getting the worse of me. My hands are dry and irritated. Please someone help

Suicid-l thoughts because of this. Chat gpt told me I morally failed me and my cat and this is extreme and i need help now before i cause harm. And that I violated my cat. I don’t deserve to live

**TW** I think my OCD is latching onto this. It feels extremely real and scary. I basically learned about the dark web and a browser name. And now I’m petrified I’m going to get on it and find terrible things. I can’t stop imagining myself do it and I’m scared. I feel like I had already heard and known about it but learning about it this time feels different. Maybe it’s just the OCD. I feel like I’m going to lose control. I wish I would stop learning about these things. I’m so tired :(

So, I'm currently in panic mode. I commented underneath a post on here, just trying to be helpful if I could, but I ended up getting triggered by the messages exchanged with the person? I've blocked them now. I just got scared, and I feel really, really bad about it, but they said they'd interacted with a real offender and said they had behaved inappropriately in front of minors. I still don't really understand what they did, but I felt like since I'd started the conversation, I couldn't just leave them hanging... Ugh. I told them to seek professional help because I didn't feel comfortable trying to give advice if they really did do something horrible, and they said they felt like the only reason they felt guilt is because they didn't want people to label them as... one of those people. I can't even get myself to type the word. I don't want to offer advice to someone who... you know. But, I also wouldn't want to isolate someone who might really be struggling with OCD. I'm just at a loss right now. I feel really scared.

Whenever I am near attractive women, I’m afraid I’m going to snap and do something evil ! Sometimes I’ve felt my hips move when they’re near me and I start to freak out worried I was trying to do a hump (lol I sound nuts). My hips have literally moved and it scares me now anytime. Also sometimes when a thought of them pops up my finger randomly moves or sometimes if I’m touching my lips and they pop up in my head I start to worry that I was trying to touch my lips sexually when I thought of them. This has ruined my life I’m scared of myself it feels like I’m not in control of my body I do not wanna be alive anymore I wanna protect the world from me

i... dunno if i should share this but i have moments where my intrusive thoughts feel so strong and if im upset at someone, the thoughts of harming feel so strong like its my thoughts, then.i dont know if its a compulsion or im slowing snapping but i may grab object that can be made dangerous,ie pillow, knife, etc and slowly walk to my parents room and even if i want to stop it feels like my body is moving on its own, like i have to do it, its not till im almost there or halfway in i find a way to stop myself from moving that cut it out but then hate myself so fucking much for....trying to kill? i dont know anymore, i used to think it was ocd but it keeps getting worse and my anger amplifies it and i just hate myself rn and i get these thoughts of hurting myself so im not a danger to anyone else. no i dont have a plan, i dont know if this is ocd or im suicidal from my self hate. maybe im asking for reassurance but please just give me some kind of answer, im losing my fucking mind and i wish i know whats going on with me..

Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this

I really don’t know nothing much about OCD but I’ve experienced some symptoms over the last few months of knowing about it and the last few symptoms I’ve had where I would get out of bed and I would like right before I get to school or get out of the door sometimes light switch and like press it so many times and I would say my loved ones name so many times to make sure I feel like it’s right I feel like they’re gonna die or drowned and it makes me feel like they’re gonna get hurt and I always feel like my mind gonna turn off or like anytime I feel like I need to switch something off or you know or close the door or putting on my shoes or putting my coat it always makes me feel like I have to redo everything or taking out the trash like I always think about them like my partner, my sibling, my mother, my siblings, brother, my mother’s boyfriend I would always think Like one of my doing why why am I saying like why am I thinking these things? Why am I thinking that my partner is gonna drowned or why am my family is gonna drowned like I don’t want I don’t know I don’t know what my mind going through I always like to, I always feel like I have impulsive thoughts about harming others even though I’m not doing anything or harming myself even though I’m not doing that and I don’t wanna die because I have love ones who are there for me all the time and I just felt like I don’t know if anybody else feels this way, but I hope you guys understand that but The OCD is kind of hard for me because I would always like go on my phone or you know like try to like go on an app or rewatch a video so many times to make sure I get it right my partner isn’t there. I don’t know if this is experience that you’ve ever had or anything but Talk to me and like I will explain I’ll try to explain as much as I can but yeah

I've never seen a therapist or been diagnosed, so I went surfing through to find this community. I've seen a lot of OCD symptoms written online. Here is what I experience that I feel may be OCD. If any of you guys agrees, please let me know. I have only ever been able to call my mom by her first name. I have never been able to not do that. She tried to make me call her mom once as a kid but it felt so wrong that I started crying. Everytime I see a wet floor sign, I say "piso mojado" out loud. I have plenty of harsh intrusive thoughts, such as committing acts of violence when I see people not using their turn signals, interrupting performers at a concert. I make myself re-press on my phone alarms 10-12 times each day in the same rythym until it feels fully set to go off. Light switches get flicked off and on, I can't stand not doing it. I have to double-check everything and make myself re-look through the same drawers at work for hours. I love to write, but I never get far because I need approval from others. My head is also always filled to the brim with thoughts which has made writing and things like memory a lot harder. I can't use spoons. I can only use forks for almost everything. I can't stand them. That's all I can think of for right now. Please let me know what you guys think. Thanks!

Recently, my brother moved back in after losing his job. I now share my bathroom, which used to be mine and mine alone, with him and his constant company. All I ask is that he close the toilet lid before he flushes, and leave it down when it’s not in use. Just in case it’s difficult to remember— I have a decal on the inside of the toilet that says to put the lid down. I also have various signs in every single direction in the bathroom that ask to put the lid down. I do not feel like it is a difficult or crazy request. But whenever I calmly ask him and his many, many guests (he is always inviting his friends and girlfriend over— and they also refuse to follow this rule) to please be mindful of this, they just laugh at me or outright ignore me. My whole family thinks my OCD is just a joke. Even though I have been professionally diagnosed and dealing with the symptoms since I was in elementary school, I didn’t find out I had this diagnosis until my 20s. My whole life, they constantly tell me I’m dramatic and use OCD as an insult for me. They think OCD is not real and that it’s just my excuse to be a burden to other people. I learned not to ever talk about my symptoms so that they won’t humiliate me. Every time I enter the bathroom and see the lid open, I get severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts about contamination that keep me from sleeping sometimes all night because I'm just thinking about how everything is contaminated. Every single surface and even my skin. And then I start getting intrusive thoughts and compulsions about cutting my skin off or worse because the air in the bathroom contaminated me and even if I take a shower it won't be clean because the shower is also contaminated by the same air. Just now, he used the bathroom with the door open and flushed with the lid open. My bedroom door, which is right next to the bathroom, was open. Now I can’t stop thinking about how the air is contaminated and I need to cut my lungs out to be clean. I’m not going to do it. But I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so sick of living like this. I understand I can’t control others. I don’t ask others to make accommodations for me ever. For example, at work in the work bathroom. I just quietly suffer with my thoughts. But. This is my home. This bathroom used to be mine only. And yet even at home, I am powerless and nobody respects me or follows my one rule. I can’t take it anymore. Why can’t they just listen? Why do they do this to me?