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My ocd always has a little truth and is always around grey area issues. Like i could be a bad person its like 50 50. Then im like well nobody got hurt so its more like 70 30. But never does it get to 100. Anyone else noticed this too?

my rocd is causing intrusive thoughts on the lines of "what if I like this guy and im attracted to him and i dont like my partner and ive mentally checked out of the relationship" and with other people too, but this one guy is a minor!! at least I'm under the impression that he is from what I've been told. I am freaking out. it's such a hard day and on top of all of it i can't stop thinking about if me and my parents are at a point where we need to breakup or if we are going to be okay. Everything feels like it's crumbling down and im stuck at work doing mark downs, no distractions. Just these awful gut feelings that make me believe I just need to isolate and not be around anyone for their sake.

* A specific thought I’m afraid to say my intrusive thoughts without a voice. Like say the intrusive thoughts by moving my lips/tongue , and smile after. For example- im afraid to curse someone, but without the voice just move my lips. And there are more thoughts not only curses. I don’t know what to do I’m scared to even be around my family cause what if I’m going to do that. I’m so scared to go out with this thought. Cause I’m going to see people and animals outside and I’m going to do that. This is scary because my thoughts are even more worse then the cursing one I’m ashamed to even say it. And why now I feel urge in my lips? Ugh I hate this.

I stayed home from school today, I couldn’t do it. It was all too much. From the moment I open my eyes it’s back into a labyrinth of torture. I wish I had my old theme back. At least with Harm OCD I didn’t feel this lost. My mind is in a constant state of panic. So much so I can’t eat without throwing up. And my head hurts from thinking so hard. I want to sleep. Sleep for a while. Escape this pain. I wish I was like other kids my age. I wish I could find joy in my youth. I fear the past, the present, and the future. How am I supposed to live like that. My own mind convinces me i’m different than what I am. Whether that be me being a murderer or transgender. I miss being a kid, when everything was simple, and free. Now i’m in highschool dealing with OCD. I don’t go out, I stay home because I panic more when i’m away from my family. What’s the point? Why do I keep fighting if it will never end? There’s no cure.. it can only be managed. What’s a life like that? How is that worth fighting for? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel like a stranger. My mind constantly cycling what ifs and scenarios. Does it ever get better? I used to be so optimistic, I used to find light in everything.. Every corner of life. I was always told I was a ray of sunshine. Now i’m dull, hallow, and empty. OCD is torture. It has taken everything from me. My happiness, my identity, and my enjoyment. What do I do? Where do I go? Does God even hear me?

I feel like no one cares about me... Im struggling in college and it just feels like I cant catch a break... Ive made bad choices that make me a bad person... I have to be uncertain about worst case POCD scenarios that may or may not have happened unknowingly... I genuinely dont feel like any one cares about me... and if I pass away, ill be laughed at and forgotten by everyone... Im alone with no gf, barely any friends, and I cant even be certain that my POCD fears of unknowingly cybering with a minor did or didnt happen... im stuck in hell...

Hi Im a 15 year old girl and about a month ago i started having these toughts about harming myself and other people. It was verry draining for me so thats why me and my friends stayed toghether for a week and have fun. Now i started having it again and i cant help but think im a pysochapth. Today I started breaking down and i dont know what to do. Are these the since of OCD or is something really wrong with me? Please help.

Just wanted to vent and also leave my experience here just in case someone is going through the same. My fear of having schizo or psychosis led me into having intrusive thoughts that I will start hearing voices and stuff like that so suddenly I became super sensitive to every little sound, checking if I heard something or not. When I hear little sounds that I can’t really recognize (like something outside) it gives me a mini panic attack for the first second bc I think “was this sound real? Am I hallucinating now?” Then I try to shake it off as I know I am not, it’s just my ocd really tricking me and I get this bad anxiety with the uncertainty 😭 I also repeat sounds in my head maybe as I compulsion? I don’t really know. It gets better when I’m paying attention to something else and I forget about it but right before sleep is being such a pain, I get sleepy but I get scared of going to sleep and all the thoughts that pop up are distressing. I’m not doing ERP yet but if anyone here that has had the same experience can recommend a therapist from NOCD for me I’d appreciate it! I know it will help me with this theme. I still have harm OCD here and there but not nearly as distressing as this theme is for me and I know that’s why it sticks around. This sucks. I’m glad we have this app though and I am glad we can relate to each other here. OCD is isolating. I can’t really talk to anyone in my life about this because I am scared of how they would react. Stay strong everyone 🥹🥺❤️

I’ve been sharing on here a lot. My therapist is out this week. But in the last few days, it feels…like I want to do the thoughts. Like I had the realization that I could just do them. And want to?!! Like…I don’t understand. I wanted my dog here and alive and now I guess…I don’t anymore? Like it feels like I’ve become everything it’s told me. The non stop thoughts and urges and images and feelings…have won. I’ll be fighting it, but like…get this sudden impulse feeling of like “why are you holding yourself back?” and like..I check to see if I still love her and want her and it feels like I don’t. Or like I do but I want to do the thoughts more. Or I’m with her and my feelings are like “just do it you could just do it.” I feel like I’m just holding myself back and it’s getting too tempting. I don’t understand. I’m going to give my pup away and just…I don’t even know. There’s no way out. I can never go back to normal with her.

This can be triggering for some people. A bit of my story. About four days ago I started having really bad anxiety along with intrusive thoughts about my friend. Let's call him A. Really graphic sexual images along with the words "You want to have sex with him" it sent me into a spiral of paralyzing anxiety and doing compulsions all day everyday. We had developed a close friendship but I did not and still do not see him as anything more than a friend or brother. I've always loved women had women this guy is even my wingman to set up dates with girls lol Right now my thoughts had fluctuates from having sex with him to being in love with him and I am very disturbed by this. I'm not in love with this guy. I like him as a friend as my brother. I've done everything I could to avoid him that if I didn't say the phrases right or if I didn't remind he was my friend something bad would happen. To try and combat the thoughts it just doesn't go away. And everytime I describe this situation (even now) I feel anxiety and not at all a good feeling. It's gross absolutely gross to even imagine my best friend in a sexual or romantic light I feel as if I'm losing control. That something horrible will happen. I also had a thought about him and other of our group being in an accident and dying I felt awful. I also have an appointment with a specialist next week. I just want someone to talk right now because I feel alone. Very alone I have this feeling on impending doom.

Me and my cat were laying down and she went to bite my belly ring and it gave me a weird sensation and a groinal response, I got curious and also anxious and flicked my belly ring to see if my cat would do the same thing and I got the same feeling, and yes it did give me the same feeling and I hate it because that happens anytime my cat licks me or their nose touches me or anything it’s like the groinal response is automatic and I’m scared I violated my cat by having them bite my belly ring again and I just hate this. Also my intrusive thoughts and groinal responses are way worse when I just wake up and or tired. This whole belly ring thing happened when I was tired and I remember having some intrusive thoughts that were not good I can’t remember exactly and it just seems like the groinal response is genuine arousal and idk what to do I just hate this super bad I just wanna cry and scream and crawl out of my skin

TW. Also long post ahead . I’ve been dealing with OCD for the past 10 years. I’m 32 years old . I didn’t get diagnosed with OCD until this year. I was always diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder, and depression. I don’t have your typical compulsions. Mine are mostly all mental. Reassurance seeking, avoidance , repeating a prayer , etc . I have three main themes . Schizophrenia OCD, sexual orientation OCD, and HIV. Sometimes i deal with harm OCD and POCD but my main big three are the ones I listed first . I feel like the schizophrenic OCD is the most debilitating for me. For the last ten years I’ve been thinking I’m losing my mind . I thought once I got to a certain age the fear would go away but it hasn’t and is in full force . I’m constantly checking my surroundings, what I’m hearing, how I’m acting , questioning if things are real and so on . Now I do have times where this theme doesn’t bother me . It’s put on the back burner . I go through cycles . But when I’m focusing on this theme I feel like I’m hearing stuff . Most of the time I can’t make it out but recently I feel like I’ve been hearing a whisper saying “hey” . It mainly happens at night . It sends me into a complete panic and I feel like “this is it “ I’m seeing an OCD therapist and she recommended me to go to this psychiatric place in town to get meds to help my anxiety from the OCD. My last psychiatrist always pushed the newest medicine and was constantly changing up my regimen. I thought I would give it a try. WORST IDEA EVER . Keep in mind my therapist gave me a letter to give to her explaining I have been diagnosed with OCD and explaining it . She doesn't think I have OCD at all. She wanted to put me on an antipsychotic so me with my OCD brain . I asked her if she thought I was psychotic . She said I was nearing psychosis . She called me interesting . She feels like I have major depressive disorder . I'm just at a loss for words. It was honestly the strangest meeting I have had with a psychiatrist. It was very unprofessional. She has no idea the damage she has done nor do I think she cares. I just don't know what to Believe in anymore ... We met for approximately 45 minutes . First time ever meeting. I just want to cry and I’m freaking out 😢

Has anyone had thc/cannibis use trigger their intrusive thoughts related to soocd? Is this possible or is denial?

I recently was diagnosed with postpartum ocd/ depression/ anxiety it’s by far the hardest thing I ever had. As an adolescent I struggled with depression/anxiety/ & self harm I didn’t realize back then that self harm was a compulsion for me. Anyway recently ocd has been attacking my baby along with my loved ones or even strangers. I feel horrible about it & feel insane I have panic attacks very often. I do my best to remind myself it’s ocd not me. I am genuinely the kind of person that is disturbed by road kill & cry over new all the time. I didn’t have these intrusive thoughts until my baby was 4 months (he’s now 6 months) because of a stupid true crime case & then it spiraled. I believe the only reason it’s doing all this is to have me feel like I am a villain & evil. It causes me to wonder if I have psychosis (like my mind purposely thinks the worst to try to convince me of psychosis) I am aware that’s not how it works. I am doing everything possible to overcome this sadly my insurance is Medicaid & it doesn’t work on here to find a OCD specialist. I move in 10 days to a new state & my insurance will be cut off for some time. I recently started Zoloft so I’m hoping it helps me until then. I want hope from other moms that have gone through similar experiences… this feels so exhausting & endless I wasn’t like this a few months ago. All I do is pray for things to get better I read the Bible to ease my heart & try to trust God that this to shall pass.

Everything I’ve ever used to tell myself that there’s no intent, is now backfiring on me. Today it felt like my brain was fantasizing and enjoying the thoughts of murder I now have towards loved ones on a daily basis. What is the difference between HI and this?

Does anyone experience delusional type thoughts? Like you know deep down you don’t believe them, but you still feel such anxiety about them or keep thinking them you think you might actually believe them or think them true? For example, my main theme is harm related and is usually always towards my mom. We have a very close relationship and I consider her my best friend. A few months ago, I had the thoughts “what if my mom tries to hurt me?” Or “what if my mom is secretly a serial killer and I’m unaware of it?” Those thoughts caused me intense anxiety, where I even had the urge to barricade my door thinking she might come in to hurt me or call the cops on her. I of course never did those things, but the panic I felt at those thoughts and the wanting to flee or do something about them was intense. My mom is one of the kindest people on this planet who loves me dearly. I shared all of this with her and she knows I have OCD, so she understands. It went away for a few months, but yesterday went back into therapy and was telling what types of thoughts I have had before and after I mentioned these specific ones, I believe they kind of “re-triggered” for me. Now I’m ruminating on them again, even though I haven’t had them for several weeks. I guess my main concern is thinking these types of thoughts are too bizarre for OCD and actually a sign of something else, like Schizo or Psychosis. A fear I’m going crazy and going to lose control. I’m concerned I will actually believe these thoughts 100% and hurt my mom in some kind of act to protect myself. It sounds crazy writing all of this and again, I know deep down I don’t believe these things (although I then doubt if I actually do or not lol), but OCD makes everything seem so real and true sometimes. It will truly make you obsess about anything. Thank you for reading all of this! I really needed to vent.

I experience a few different sup-types… I would say introspectively the most noticeable is Somatic OCD followed by Harm and Contamination. I have been in therapy for 11/12 years… pretty consistently. I heard about this app through some ads, and some friends and family started suggesting I try it. This is my first time using it. I previously did not realize I had OCD. At some point when I was around 16 I thought OCD could be the thing I was experiencing. The understanding of OCD in my general circle of people was limited. When I introduced the possibility of having OCD to others, I was met with the idea that I could not have OCD because I had always been disorganized and “messy”. Otherwise, I was introduced to the concept of “Pure” OCD- which wasn’t entirely fitting for me. I didn’t know, until today, that Somatic OCD was the word for what I was experiencing… along with a few other subtypes that I learned about today. Within the past couple of years I’ve come to realize that I experience symptoms of OCD. I have also come to realize that there is a strong pattern of a variety of OCD subtypes on the paternal side of my family. On the maternal side there is (sparse, compared to paternal side) history of Hoarding Disorder- which I know the DSM now classifies as its own condition within the OCD spectrum. TW: This is the part where I discuss personal symptoms, memories, and behaviors with some detail. Today while filling out the questions for this app— it really ‘sunk-in’ for me that I have been experiencing Somatic OCD for as long as I remember. I can’t say I can pin-point where it started… but I can say one of my earliest, seemingly-random, memories is being 5 years old- In Kindergarten Music Class. We were watching a movie and I suddenly became aware of my breathing. I felt like I wasn’t breathing, but I was getting oxygen… because I wasn’t feeling out of breath. I was very anxious as a child so I cannot recall if in this moment breathing awareness caused anxiety. I do remember thinking (with the vocabulary I had at the time) that it was maybe a cool thing? To breathe without breathing- is this something everyone can do? I’ve always experienced Magical Thinking as well. I also remember being anxious, as a young child, after I learned that we expel CO2 when we breathe out. I was very anxious to breathe in “stale-air” thinking it could harm me. This interacted with Harm symptoms where I obsessively worried about intentionally suffocating myself although I didn’t desire to. As I think back, I remember some of my earliest memories are of me trying to “even-out” some of my body-feelings. If I was playing with a textured toy for a few seconds in one hand, I’d have to switch it to the other until the feeling was the same in both hands. Many times this lead to me counting seconds while holding things, and continuing the ritual until I was inevitably distracted or re-directed. Other early memories of mine include me thinking I could control the weather with my mind. I was very worried that I would accidentally summon a tornado by wishing for it with a passing thought. I would spend hours staring out the window thinking “I don’t, I don’t, I don’t…” hoping that if I accidentally made the wish it would be preceded by negating it. I’m sharing this to cope with the “sinking-in” of it all. I’m looking back at these experiences with a “neutral” lens in the sense that I’m trying to be mindful of feeling triggered, and allow myself to sit with feelings that come up and observe them without trying to push feelings and thoughts away. Obviously it’s a balancing act because I don’t want sitting with my feelings to turn into sitting “in” my feelings and ruminating. Typing things out is helpful for me- I understand my thoughts and feelings better when I hear or read them back. A lot of feelings have come up for me in a short time since downloading this app and filling out the survey. I feel sad for my current, moreover my former and child-self. I feel bummed in general that our understanding of mental-health is/has been limited— I feel bummed that OCD is sneaky like that… Nearly 12 years of therapy, and the reality of experiencing OCD was just so normal to me that I didn’t notice it enough to share. I feel bummed that I didn’t previously have the vocabulary or the skills to be honest and speak about what I was experiencing with consistent detail. I feel sad for my parents and their parents and siblings who experienced similar things. It’s hard sometimes to allow myself to identify “feelings” (emotions) without thinking I’m over-processing it. Like I said, fine line. I do struggle to identify and sit *with* the feelings so it is something I inevitably have to do. So yeah. It’s just kind of wild to think this has been going in for SO LONG. I feel a relieved, having processed it a bit. So I’ll close out and re-direct myself now as this has been a long reflection moment.

Hi everyone, I am 23 and my ex boyfriend is 24. I was broken up with at the beginning of September after a 4 year relationship with someone I adopted a dog with and lived with. We were each other’s first everything and I thought this was the person I was going to marry. I was completely blindsided and the reasoning I got was “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. I am not emotionally mature enough to handle the stress of my life and also be in a relationship supporting you. I don’t communicate my feelings or needs well. I hold in my stress and it leads to me building resentment towards you and taking it out on you, which isn’t fair.” It’s important to know that since June, I’ve been dealing with Harm OCD and Relationship OCD that I got back into therapy to treat. I was doing my best to be self reliant but I definitely was scared and asked my boyfriend to be home more and spend more quality time with me while I work through this period of anxiety. I made sure to let him know that even though I was dealing with something scary, I wanted him to open up and let me support him with his stress too because it’s just as important as mine. He always told me “don’t worry about me, I’m good. Let’s get you right.” Even when I told him I was scared he’d run because of my anxiety, he told me he wasn’t going anywhere and to focus on myself. Apparently, he lied. I have since moved out of our apartment and back in with my parents. And I am keeping our dog. Since we’ve had to un-intertwine our lives these last few weeks, I wasn’t able to go no contact with him. Because of this, it led to me initiating several conversations asking questions about why this was happening, when he started feeling this way, why he didn’t give us a chance to work through problems, etc. I believe my OCD was having a hard time with the unknown and uncertainty because I was (and still am) in shock that this is my reality. I had this insatiable need to understand why and how this was happening and his vague non-answers only made me more confused and upset. Because I asked so many questions and wanted to understand this, he got pushed farther and farther away. Now he just wants nothing to do with me. He has started being mean and has emotionally shut down. He went from “I need to work on myself and then go from there. Maybe in the future this will work out…” to “I think we should both move on. I don’t know how much clearer I can make it.” I genuinely don’t recognize him anymore. I am trying not to blame myself and my OCD for pushing conversations and asking questions, but what did he expect? That he’d just end our relationship, blindside me, and I’d walk away without any desire to understand why? If anyone has experienced heart break after a long term relationship, and if part of the reason for the break up was due to needing support with mental health, how did you not blame yourself? I know his inability to support me though a hard time reflects on him, not me. But I am still really struggling to be okay. I feel like if I hadn’t fallen into this period of anxiety and OCD, none of this would have happened. Please leave advice on how to move forward, how to survive no contact, and how to not blame myself and my mental health for the downfall of my relationship. Thank you

So I know it’s complicated but I have real event ocd that was caused by me remembering something I did in childhood I have intrusive thoughts about really everything pocd, harm, relationship I have intrusive thoughts and images, now im getting through the intrusive thoughts I just let them pass by because I know the feeling will go away eventually but when I have the images I freak out a lot more, that’s because I always had a very detailed imagination and I definitely blame that on maladaptive daydreaming and unhealthy amount in my life which in therapy I’m now realizing that I did that as a trauma coping mechanism, I didn’t live life I just daydreamed while listening to music for literally 8hours a day it effected me paying attention in school I already have ADHD, and having a hard time paying attention to anything because I ended up doing it all the time, before OCD it didn’t seem like a problem that was my escape, I’d daydream I was a pop star or a movie star while listening to music and it all felt real but now since I have ocd I have intrusive images if while I daydream so I stoped daydreaming, and the worst part is that they arnt even just “images” it’s me daydreaming causing harm or really messed up things iv seen in the past, I have no peace, when I spoke with my therapist she said if I started to daydream harmful things crumble them up in my head and throw them away which has been working, but I’m just concerned because people don’t really have that like I do with OCD and some people are like yeah you don’t daydream about these harmful things because that is you making it up in your head or if they daydream it actually helps them but it’s the opposite for me, I don’t know if I do this on purpose to check if I like these thoughts or even more punishment or a compulsion I just don’t know and it’s effected my sex life because I will daydream about my bf and then something taboo pops in my head and instead of Envisioning sexual thoughts with my partner I’m envisioning sexual things with the taboo stuff and it makes me feel like I am all of these awful things with the POCD and harm and people are like you just have to not pay attention and just be in the moment but I don’t know how to do that, most of my life iv been in my head that’s how I even get turned on in the first place fantasizing about my partner with no worries, now if I do I’m like am I attracted to children and my brain will check to see by popping up kids in my head and I’m very detailed innapropriate ways how am I ever going to get rid of this? How can I ever live a normal life? And even WANT to be sexual again if my brain keeps checking if I’m a pedo or want to harm animals and ect I know I’m not any of those things but my brain doesn’t believe it. I seriously don’t know what to do

im not diagnosed, but these past two days have been terrible. i constantly have this underlying feeling that i might do something that i think is gross and i feel like i can’t do anything on my own because otherwise i might do something wrong. like i feel like i constantly have to be in front of people so that i can make sure of my every action. this is so exhausting and I’m so confused. and like i keep getting terrible images and stuff replaying in my head. i also try to recall what happened but i feel like i have false event too. i used to have religious ocd and that eventually stopped completely, but now it feels like all my work getting over that was pointless. also like i feel like i might have contamination ocd but not the typical germ type. I just get terrible images and I can’t remember if those images are true or not even though they’re impossible and i feel terrible. I don’t know if i could ever get over this because even the thought of it is terrible.

Has anyone been prescribed Escitalopram for their OCD? And if so what was your experience like. I just got into my 2nd week of it and got bumped up to 20mg. Today has been weird because my anxiety is gone which has been for a bit but the thoughts seem stronger today especially the Harm related ones. Almost like commands now. Can anyone relate?