Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Anyone willing to share how debilitating their OCD has been? 1. Able to work? 2. Consider yourself miserable? I haven’t been able to work three years and have been occasionally suicidal many many years

Today’s thoughts brought to you by OCD, I mean me… yeah totally all my non doubtful thoughts. (Just a vent post to write down what OCD wants me to fear/thinks, please no reassurance needed) I don’t have OCD. I’m making it up. I read things that described what OCD was like an lied to my therapist and tricked her into thinking I have OCD. All the things I think may been OCD driven in the past weren’t. After all why didn’t I react to all of them? How come when I’ve had thoughts to harm myself or others I didn’t avoid the things I was going to harm them with after? How come I’m not reacting to my same sex thoughts with distress now like I did in February? It’s all because I don’t have OCD. I just worry about my thoughts a little more than the average person. Worrying about my sexual orientation for 15 minutes here and there, for multiple hours a day, for 4 months running doesn’t mean I have SO OCD. It just means I’m confused and discovering my true sexuality. After all I’m not googling or asking for reassurance. You’re only thinking about doing those but you don’t. Besides if you’re looking for reassurance that your aren’t a different orientation than you think, doesn’t that mean you actually are? You’re just finding out your true sexuality now like some of those stories you’ve read as part of your exposures. It’s just a mix of repression and late discovery and the only reason you’re so worked up about it is because you have to leave your wife who you don’t love the way you should. Even if she left you and you moved onto another woman, it’s only a matter of time before she realizes you’re actually gay because of the thoughts running around in your mind. Just come clean with yourself. You’re making OCD up and using it as an excuse to be in denial. You don’t have it as severe as many of the other people whose stories you’ve read or have the exact same experiences. You’re misinterpreting memories as being possibly OCD driven just to fit your narrative because there were a lot more “normal” times in your past than possible OCD ones. Besides how can someone say they aren’t their thoughts? You have your thoughts for a reason and you have to know what it is. What gives you the right to say which thoughts are yours and which aren’t. Even then how many are yours? How much time do you spend thinking about them? There’s too many variables to consider.

I have seen by mistake photos related to cannibalism and since then I am having harm thoughts with this subject.. it’s very hard for me, I try to tell myself I don’t do these thoughts but when I say that they become more persistent and I feel like I don’t want the thoughts to go away.. even after two years things are very hard for me, I teach and it’s hard doing so with these thoughts I feel like there is no ease.. lately I began therapy here and now I am doing exposures by watching medical videos but still no relief. Any one knows what to do? It’s hard for me to live everyday.

So I haven’t been getting intrusive thoughts as much but I have been thinking that maybe I force the thoughts and am really a bad person just tricking myself into thinking I might have ocd but in reality I want these things to happen but I know I don’t and idk what to do or if I’m just a bad person it hurts me a lot.

Yesterday I told my friend about my harm OCD, she is really good friend and understood everything, but it was my first time i talked about it loudly expect my family members, but I have kinda sad feeling after that, because i felt weak and I think that i am not longer same person as I was before my harm theme and they just don’t need this kind of friend. What about u? Are u talking about your OCD?

The past couple of days have been so stressful, I’m 15 years old and my older brother,mom, and dad all work sometimes, and some days ALL three of them work, so it’s only me and my younger sister left at home, and our 4 dogs. I’m super stressed out, even when my brother is here, he doesn’t help around the house. He’s just in his room, my sister doesn’t either. So I’m left doing all the work and taking care of the dogs. It’s so frustrating, it’s two huskies and 2 other breeds and the huskies are too much, I hit them on the snout when they bite me or scratch me and I feel bad, I pushed one too and I know I’m super stressed and that’s why I’m getting aggressive but my ocd is starting to make me freak out, it’s saying like what if I can’t handle it and do something bad??? I don’t even wanna think about it , I feel like crying, they’re always barking and whining and biting me and I hate it, I love dogs, I do love them, but I’m so stressed and It’s just making me feel terrible ,,

I have trouble leaving my home because of panic disorder and my OCD. I’ve not gone out longer than an hour and a half in 4 months. Today I went to a convention for 7 HOURS. There were times it was extremely difficult, and I wanted to leave, or I’d have an intrusive thought that something bad would happen to me, but I was able to squash it . However, now I’m home and I’m panicky 😫I can’t stop overthinking . But I can’t believe I did that today!

How do you handle thoughts that just keep popping up random ill be petting my dog and hear kill your dog looking at my son and hear the same horrble stuff. My heart races . I keep saying sure thanks brain .maybe tomorrow . But they are like every 5 minutes . I'm avoiding taking more medication that is how I got here in the first place . Please help I just keep distracting myself.

okay this is my third and hopefully final post of the night, but i think i’m having an ocd attack. it was so weird because i was just scrolling through tiktok when it came up on me all of a sudden. at first i just felt like there was a threat, mentally. i can’t describe what it felt like but it didn’t feel good. i almost felt like i was out of my body. it kept going and typically i talk to my mom when this stuff happens but she’s asleep so i had to manage. i tried getting my mind off of it by listening to music and playing a game but it wasn’t working well. so then i did some deep breathing and then the harm thoughts and urges started rolling in. i obviously have them everyday but it’s been background noise for a while now, so it hit me like a thousand bricks tonight. it felt so real and terrifying. then i got nauseous which was bringing in my emetaphobia. now i have an ice pack on my neck (i think the cold can help) and am listening to meditation music while telling myself this will pass. however, i wasn’t before, but now i’m terrified this summer will be like the last.

This is my first post on this group. I feel like I have reached a point of no return. Long read ahead for context. I always assumed I struggled with OCD but never wanted to be the person who relies on the internet. I sadly waited until I had an intrusive thought to get help. I had the thought of “what if I stab my boyfriend” I had an instant panic attack. From there, I saw a therapist and felt better. Fast forward to a family vacation. I couldn’t sleep in the travel. I was awake 28 hours. Another thought comes in “what if I were to stab my sister?” I freak out, hide all items that could harm her. Next night, “what if you strangled her with your phone cord?” I freak out. Spend the rest of the trip with my parents. I spoke with my other sister who has struggled with anxiety for some time. She got me feeling back to myself. I manage to get through this trip. I head home, can’t sleep, awake 27 hours. I come home, thoughts about my boyfriend again. My therapist is able to squeeze me in. We come up with a crisis plan and set me up with a doc to get me on meds. I can’t make it, I get to a point I felt I was going to “snap” or have an extreme panic attack. Didn’t want to risk it, I went to the ER. Instantly feel better in the ER just being there. I take meds for the first time and get the best sleep I’ve had in months. I get assigned to a partial hospital program, but test positive for Covid. I managed to get myself to a better place at home in quarantine. I debated on doing the program. But I do, and I regret it. I was put on three different meds. Which I feel made things worse. Rather than being able to distract myself from my thoughts, I can’t anymore. I try to tell myself I’m not this person and wouldn’t act on these things and it doesn’t register with me like it used to. I feel so numb and disconnected from myself. The thoughts are becoming constant and more disturbing. Has anyone gotten to this point before? How do you get out of it? Am I too far gone? Ps, I have communicated this to my doc I am getting off my meds as of today and as instructed.

Hi, I’m not new here, and if you’ve seen any other of my posts you’ll know I’m undiagnosed, i don’t know if I have ocd The thing is, I think I’ve struggled with ZOCD (which is super super super horrible, since I’m a super fan animals) since 2022, but since last November it has became so horrible, and the worst part is that I think I have false memories too, so a really bad combination I’ve been working a lot, to the point that I’m not longer afraid of being in the same house as my dog (I was so afraid of it) but I still have some horrible thoughts that I’m gonna do something bad to one, and I have this intrusive images that make me think that this images aren’t imahes but repressed memories (since the images appear the exact moment when I’m for example petting the dog or washing the mares that babysit sometimes) But although that, I thought I was getting better but I have now this fear of impusivy acting on an image and it scares me a lot, but I try to not avoid things because I’m 80% convinced that I have ocd The thing is, today I was at school and I was writing with my black pen, blue pen and my red color and sometimes when I write the ink falls over my fingers, and gets in my nails. After I stoped writing, I and took a long time while packing my stuff in my backpack, and I was leaving my seat of the outside table because it was time to go home and this dog (I’m in Mexico, and sometimes dogs live in the universitys) wanted to greet me, and she was really cute so I pet her as an exposure I think, but then I had to walk past her to get to get to the exit, so I got mentally brave and passed by her side without grabbing both of my hands (I do that when I’m scared of involuntary doing something horrible) , but I got this image of me doing something horrible to her, and i first was like, of course that didn’t happen, but then my mind focused in one finger (I think was the one that I used to close my backpack) and I checked this finger and had like a little purple ink it, and now I’m freaking out because what if the image happen and I did something horrible to her, an the ink isn’t ink but blood or something (even though it seems like ink, since some pens ink turn a little purple when dried and the red color could have helped) but I’m freaking out now, I’m trying to recreate the exact same ink colour on my other nails to make myself sure that it was ink and not something else, the problem is that the pen is not working and I don’t have another pen of that exact brand so I don’t know what else to do I’m scared, and if it where true I could not live anymore, and I’m scared that I didn’t noticed that that hypothetical did happen but that that other people did noticed (if it were true) and they are going to think I’m bad person and I just never know and my life is gonna be a lie or that I’m just in denial AAAAA Please please help me :((

Hi guys! I've turned to you before but a new situation occured today and I want to understand my response. Like I said I have OCD harm and it is surrounded about my children and my residents I take care of, whom I love with my whole heart. My youngest son is very physical and always on top of me. Because of my disease it drives me up the wall! I feel so bad but it really freaks me out. Long story short he was on me today. Hand wrapped around him. I had an intrusive thought " what if I did something no one would know" it scared me and I pushed through but my nerves were so bad I ended up pushing some part of my hand on his arm. I was rushed with guilt. I'm also fighting strep and just feel so guilty.

Because of the thoughts or mentally exhaustion, and got over it?

Today I feel like I want to d!e and do something to myself for the WHOLE day. Yesterday I was ok. I made sure that my family is with me, even tho I’m not the person to do it, just to feel safer. I need some relief. Does anyone has a suggestion?

I would like to get an answer for this cause i want to know why this keeps happening. I compare myself with others cause i dont see others having the same problem. When they have a setback its usually because of a hard day or a big trigger, however for me its just forgetting what i have to do. A month ago i was really good, i dont say i didnt had setbacks but i saw that im going somewhere, you know the setbacks were weaker and weaker, and one day i just someone understood how emotions and thoughts works and i was able to enjoy my day while i had thoughts and emotions, but it didnt affected me. Then i was like this is so good, but im afraid i will just forget it like everytime and believe me or not, the moment i said it i felt that im slowly losing what i learned and after some time i didnt know what to do with the thoughts and emotions when before i realized it and i was living my life like that. And then i was unable to do the same thing, it was like my brain deleted it. It really feels like theres something wrong with my mind, how it foegets just like that what i did before? And now after 1 month im still struggling, the videos that used to help me and made me realize what i need to do doesnt help me, its like im watching nothing, my mind doesnt realizez this video made me understand what i need to do before, now it doesnt make me do anything. And im keep falling back to the point that my panic attacks are back, and it makes me feel so bad cause it means i did nothing, after all this work it got back and im still dont know how to deal with it. Im feeling like how i felt 2-3 years ago, like these years were nothing. Im really afraid that sometime i will get the night panic attacks again when i will be afraid that i will hurt myself or be afraid of i will unalive myself... It doesnt seems like im learning something. Look st my other posts, it seemd like im so close to recovery and im learning alot, but now if i read those i cant relate to those... its like a different person and it doesnt started slowly, like i engaged in unhealthy behaviours, it all started when i thought "i hope i wont forget this" and then i actually forgot what i learned... just like that... and now im again questioning acceptance, what to do with my emotions when i understood that and i was working on it. Im sitting in bed and i try to remember what i did when i get these bad emotions and all i can remember is when people say "you have to let yourself feel the feelings" and im letting myself but all i do is im drowning in them. After anxiety it comes anger then anxiety again and then im depressed and hopeless and then panic comes... i dont get why letting these to come helps me, it makes me drown and become depressed which will only send me to a therapist who will say accept it too... It doesnt make me learn anything it just drowns me, i dont get this acceptance and letting myself feel bad... Im just letting negative emotions take over me without trying to stop it cause now im accepting it...and it doesnt makes me realize anything.

Hiii, I have feeling i found comfort in my OCD and sitting home because of that, i am also so depressed but I can’t change it, i am also doing exposures and going out with my friends, but it gives me anxiety and next day I don’t have energy to do same. What do u think take it slow and do it step by step, or doing as much exposures as I can and try to resist anxiety. Btw I have harm OCD and my biggest fear is to hurt someone, so that is why I prefer to stay at home

Does anyone else get really anxious at night and have a bunch of compulsive habits at night to try and feel calm about being safe at night? For me this includes pushing repeatedly on door bolts and locks and also touching random items over and over again, as well as other random motions I do. Even with these things I can’t seem to relax and feel like I have a constant irrational fear about having my home being broken into, especially at night, and a fear of me or someone in my family being hurt. I don’t know what to do because we have an alarm system and I just feel like I am somehow always thinking of the possibilities and subconsciously listening for noises and I just wish I could calm down:(

Hey guys so I just got broken up with in the last week. I’ve always had really bad ocd and self harm thoughts. When my bf and I moved into together I was so happy and he understood how to help me with my ocd. I didn’t have bad thoughts for the full 8 months we were together! And then we broke up bc I found out a lot of things he was lying about. I’m living back home again, single and all of my bad thoughts and urges are back again, I don’t know how to make it stop. Living with him is the FIRST time I’ve had these thoughts go away. Now everything is bad once again. If anyone has any advice that could help I’d appreciate it.

Hello, I am fairly new to this app. I wanted to speak about the way I dream. I have dreams like I am hurt physically usually bloody either self inflicted or by some random person in my dream. Then I get saved by people I care about like friends or even people that I have a crush on. Or sometimes I have dreams that I speak about tramuatic events that I went through as a child to a crush and the feel bad for me and want to help me. I dont fear these dreams at all but I notice every time I sleep I ball my fists and when I dont I cant sleep.I clench my fists so hard in the morning they are sore. Also these dreams are almost every night.I am also very sensitive to how people talk to me if I am yelled at I shut down and have chest palpitations that radiate to my heart to my arms numbing it. Does anyone else experience any of these? Ive been researching and found myself here. For reference I have been tested for ADHD and I dont have it but I was told I might have OCD from the other symptoms I experience like heavy Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks/episodes, depression,dissociation ( like I am not real and even my emotions are like frozen and more) , bothered all day if something is moved by someone else when I put it a certain way, rituals ( blinking, and looking away from something multiple times mostly in number of twos etc), contamination ( washing my hands many times in between getting dressed after eacb task to feel clean), hating certain textures of fabrics or objects(more of a werid one ive had for a long time),procrastination, reassurance on all my action causing me to not think for myself, poor memory or false memory,and more.Any response would be helpful.

I was in a rush brushing my teeth, I opened the drawer to get toothpaste and I got the water of my brush inside the things in the drawer. I got thoughts that I could contaminate them and that my parents would get harmed. I ignored them and I'm not sure if I responded with "I don't care." I had to reapply toothpaste and it happened again (the water falling) Afterwards, I said "There's germs everywhere I highly doubt that anything will happen" But I got a bit worried, so I wiped them down. I fear that I did something wrong and that I'm evil for this.