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People who have gone through harm ocd/suicidal ocd is possible for one day not to think about it? I just want one day of not being scared and not thinking about it, I just want to feel normal

I don't know what to do or how to stop this : ( if anyone has advice please, please let me know! It's happening to me that whenever I watch/read TV at night, get into an argument with a loved one, or haven't talked to them for a while I start to have intrusive thoughts/images that they're gonna get fatally hurt. For example, about seven months ago I had a car accident. I don't think I was left necessarily traumatized, but rather every time I have (the previously mentioned) intrusive thoughts I begin to reimagine my loved ones in that same (or similar) situations... and no matter how much I try to NOT acknowledge them...they often lead me to having anxiety or panic attacks. The only way that I seem to be able to stop these intrusive thoughts is by sleeping it off… but then that leaves to lack of productivity throughout the day and affects my life… I try my best to not give in into compulsions…especially because I also have dermatillomania so I KNOW that if I DO give in…it’ll end up bad. I’ve tried writing things down to see if it helps to calm me down. Although that did work for a while, I’ve started to feel/think that if I write my thoughts down they’ll increase possibility of actually happening :( so I’ve stopped doing that for a while now. I don’t know what to do anymore!

I have a really weird question. I don't know if I have OCD however I feel like I am having intrusive thoughts because of porn so I try and stop watching it but I can't even go 7 days without it. Forms of OCD are POCD and SO OCD, in the past back in high school I might have had harmful OCD, I was afraid of hurting girlfriends and friends I had and because of those thoughts, I pushed them away and made them hate me on purpose.

Having a lot of guilt because when I was I think 19 I was trying to stop watching porn and I was just reading fanfiction and a couple of time I went to google and looked up “hentai gif” I never ever looked up underage characters and looked specifically for characters I thought looked younger. I’ve never ever been interested in cp and the idea of that scares me and makes me so upset. I cannot express enough how much I don’t want anything to do with harming children, it hurts to think about. But I have a memory of clicking on a gif where I think the characters were on a school desk and I have so much guilt because I don’t understand how I could have looked at that. I couldn’t see the characters faces or anything but I’m 99% sure they were on a school desk and I’m disgusted and so confused and I can’t understand why I would have clicked on that. I never went looking for underage characters, I never thought to myself that I’m looking for characters that look underage, but I’m so scared about this. I don’t know why I didn’t specifically type 18+ or why I looked in the google images at hentai gif anyway but I’m assuming I thought what I typed was safe. I’m 21 now and I don’t watch or read any kind of porn. I’m terrified of it and it’s literally ruined me. I have no desire to ever going back to watching it and I hope to God I’m not an evil person. But today I just am spiraling and I can’t stop worrying about this. I don’t understand how I could how done this and it’s dragging me back and making me believe I’m a p. I feel like a monster I don’t know what time do about it. I plan on telling a therapist when I’m able to get one but I feel gross that I did this and that I can’t do anything about it right now.

I have really bad self harm urges that honestly consume and debilitate me, does anyone else have this and have you found a solution to it? I don’t know if medication helps. If more therapy helps. Let me know if you have been through this and have found a solution. I would love to get back to normal life

TW: harm ocd or existential ocd, if ur sensitive to triggers dont read i don’t wanna spread my theme it sucks :( obsessions saying that wrong things like murder aren’t wrong, just everyone is being told it’s wrong when it’s not? it scares me to death because there are a lot of other morally wrong things it latches to, i’m afraid of beginning to believe these things and becoming numb to these things, and then maybe like doing them? mostly the fear is losing my morality because of this. it scares me to death 😭 never seen anyone with this type of ocd. so anybody else? any advice? or personal experiences?

I haven’t posted here in a while. I’ve been in ERP therapy and it’s been slow but I feel better, even though it’s only been a few months. The problem is, we’re starting slow because my trigger is sharp objects, and I think I made a mistake. The guy i’m seeing is at work and asked me to prep dinner by cutting the chicken and I thought even though i haven’t used a sharp object to cut meat in MONTHS, I thought I maybe could do it. Well, I cut the chicken and it was extremely thick, and made me have the worst intrusive thoughts. Did I mess up? I’m kind of freaking out. Did I get satisfaction from cutting into a thick meat? I’m scared

Does anyone also get intrusive Thoughts that are targeted to one person. I’m having intrusive thoughts of harming my mom. I definitely don’t want to but the thought kind of just sits in my head all day. Any tips?

Hi everyone. I have been experiencing harm intrusive thoughts for 2 months now. I believe it started for me when I had a bad experience with a delta 9 gummy. I am looking this up everyday trying to find reassurance and an answer to all of this. I hate that my thoughts make me question what kind of person I am and if I’m actually capable of this. I’m so scared I will lose it for even a second and do these things. I align with being a gentle, kind, caring person but this makes me feel like I’m capable of anything. I desperately want my old life back. I want to be able to sit on the couch with my partner, eat junk food, watch our fave shows together, and not worry about harm. I hope this will disappear soon.

Hey everyone! This post is lengthy, but I’m hoping some of you will indulge me! **Trigger warning because I’m unsure what condones one, and I go into detail with particular intrusive thoughts I have. None are graphic, but they’re descriptions of bad thoughts nonetheless. I’m completely new here, and haven’t been clinically diagnosed with OCD, nor have I even went to any sort of doctor because of it. I haven’t even looked into it as a prospect for my tendencies until around a year ago. Ever since delving deeper beyond the surface level knowledge of OCD, I feel like it explains all of my experiences. But, I’d like those who truly live with the disorder and professionals to tell me if this is something I should continue to pursue. Thank you all so much. ❤️ Some of what I experience: I often feel like if I don’t wear a certain outfit, don’t do something within x amount of seconds, or don’t triple check that my turned-off phone is recording me, etc. that my mom will stop loving me, my animals will get hurt, someone will be sent a bad recording of me talking, etc. I am fully aware that all of these things have zero true effect, but if I don’t comply with them, I start buzzing with anxiety. I’ve worn the same too-thoroughly-loved scrunchie on my wrist for almost 5 years because I feel unlovable to my family without it. For example: Earlier today, I was worried my very poor quality house camera caught me cursing, that my mom had watched the footage, and was absolutely furious with me UNLESS I pulled out my phone in the middle of a strict no-phones class and texted her a funny message. I knew she was driving when it was recorded, was busy at work, and overall, NEVER checked it unless it was someone outside our family. Nevertheless, I was almost sick with worry, and couldn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the period or focus, until I was able to pull out my phone. This worry, despite having indulged myself and received a positive response from my mother, stuck with me all throughout the day and completely killed my mood until I actually saw my mom was fine a few hours later. As for thoughts, I feel like I’ve experienced intrusive thoughts very frequently and for a very long time. I remember being kept awake as a kid with horrific “daydreams” of getting hurt with knives, hurting my dogs, etc. Everytime I’ve felt upset, nauseous, and worried that I was actually crazy for thinking these things. I recall once, at around age 6-7, absolutely breaking down sobbing because I was too scared to die, my parents were going to die, and my little sister was going to die without all three of us there. As I’ve gotten older, they’ve just progressed. Everytime I drive, I feel like there is always at least one thought of me swerving off the road, speeding up to rear-end someone, or just take my hands completely off the wheel. These things really freak me out, and have brought me to tears when I get lost in them. They have never once actually affected my driving, I always remain in control, but they deeply upset me. I think of teachers that I really enjoy hurting me and other students, even though the thought is sickening and absolutely impossible. I feel like a twisted person for it crossing my mind, and like it’s some Freudian evil within me, no matter how much I know it upsets me and how adverse I am to the mere prospect. My mind conjures up the literal worst, and it can easily kill my mood no matter how much fun or how happy I am at the moment, nor how fleeting. Sometimes, they get so terrible I’m unable to move on with my life until I do some strange mental exercise of me “throwing the thought into oblivion and burning it.” I have been riddled with nonsense guilt my entire life, and it’s so exhausting and depressing to carry. I know intrusive thoughts are intrusive, and I know so much of the habits I have affect nothing, but when these things cross my mind unprompted and I literally cannot help putting on a scrunchie that I think is so so ugly, I feel trapped and disgusting. Right now, I’m just looking to see if this is actually anything since I’ve been convinced all of this is just normal, until I once spoke casually of it with a friend who couldn’t relate at all. Thank you anyone and everyone who read this, and is trying to help steer me the right way. I appreciate it more than words!! ❤️🫶

i did a compulsion by googling something because of a conversation i was having with a bunch of friends. i really need help, Because of this googling i did it triggered me by remembering my real event (what i googled recommend me other searches and it was something that reminded me of it) im still trying to get over and move on because im told its not a big deal by ny parents and my counselor but god its a big deal to me- Can i talk to someone about this? Should i? I talked to my mom about the first half of what im feeling but not the second-I know this post is vague af but im just scared atm. im having really ugly thoughts about harming myself and just ending things-

Guys im so embarassed. And OCD makes it so much worse because it's giving me chronic guilt. I was at work and I made a joke about unaliving myself with a friend like really loud and I feel really guilty because it just kinda came out. My friends were laughing but I realize by some ppls reactions that mightve not been appropriate. I wasn't serious but I do make those jokes often with friends (unfortunate habit I've picked up due to my own s*icidality). My guilt is killing me and I have a strong urge to apologize to my coworkers. Should I or is it a compulsion and I should just leave it alone??

Harm ocd is getting more and more horrific each day. I'm close to having my period and my ocd symptoms are getting significantly worse as it always does this time of the month. I was just feeding my cat normally when suddenly I had intrusive thoughts in the form of commands saying: "ok now is your chance, k**l your cat, k**l him"... absolutely disgusting even typing that 💔 but what scares me the most is that I didn't get an extreme anxiety or fear response with the thought, and also I felt like the thought was intentional for some reason like it didn't feel intrusive when I replay the moment in my head. And also, at the time this thought happened I entered in some kind of trance for a second and that terrified me because my ocd interpreted it as if I was contemplating doing something. I was seated on the floor and he was in front of me whe this happened but of course I didn't touch him, I jut left with a horrible feeling. I love my cat, he is my best friend, I have him since he was a baby and I have never had suh thoughts with any of my pets before this ocd bullshit started. What I can't stop thinking about is why did it seem like the horrible thought was provoked and not intrusive? and why didn't I try to get rid of the thought or neutralize it with something else like I always do. Why does it feel like I want to do something horrible, when I know I would never do that and rather end myself than hurting anyone? Are command thoughts common?Can someone please respond to this post? 😭

That went worse than expected... He said I might not have OCD because of the fact I "dont perform physical compulsions" when A. I do, and B. He was looking up stuff from the DSM-5 in the middle of our session... He's recommending me for psych evaluation rn, but keeps saying stuff like "even if you dont have ocd" And is reassuring me too, which I thank secretly, but its bad... I genuinely feel horrible atm... genuinely getting real events OCD intrusive thoughts and of me being a horrible person because its combined with my pocd and hocd and harm ocd...

I started Zoloft 12 days ago and I feel it’s exacerbating my self harm OCD. I definitely do not want to hurt myself , but it felt so intense yesterday. I’m really hoping it doesn’t happen today because the anxiety is too much. Did this happen to anyone and should I continue it !?

Heyy guys, question out of the blue… is being scared of becoming depressed a thing? And therefor su*c*dal? Like I had su*c*dal ocd but it comes and goes but today I’m sick so I had to stay at home in bed and I just feel very tired ans my brain automatically linked that to depression… is preventing depression a thing? My OCD is manifesting in a lot of ways nowayds its sooo strange

How do you guys cope with taboo thoughts and not feel guilty especially when it attacks the people you love so much and you know a million percent that isn’t you. So why is this happening to me I’ve been through so much in my life and I can’t do with this. When I was younger I was molested and rape and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone so why does my mind do this to me please be kind as I don’t know how much longer I can take this

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

This might be triggering for some cause it can be misunderstood. I read that for some harm can be a compulsion, so it means that they actually act on the thoughts as a compulsion, and this got me scared cause i used to have urges. I know urges is tipical ocd symptom, yet i still question my thoughts. I have to accept that some will just say "go to a hospital" or "call 911", i'll just say that i ignore you... My thoughts used to be so agressive like it told me to do it, i didnt had just what if thoughts, my ocd told me to act on the thoughts, and this is where i question is this normal? Cause on the internet when you hear about people having thoughts about doing something, and those thoughts becomes commands, usually the person is ill or something is wrong with him and he needs serious help, and i always compare myself to those cause my ocd gave me commands. So this is the first thing that i wanted to talk about, im so afraid of harm becoming a compulsion. Second thing i want to talk about is kinda the same, i read this too on reddit and i could relate to this. The person wrote that his compulsions becomes really scary, he gets thoughts about harming his dog and as a compulsion to check that he will not do,he puts his hands over his dog neck but he feels so bad after. And this reminded me that i had the same mindset, when ocd told me to cut myself, i intentionally went to grab a knife and i even putted in to my skin to prove that i will not do anything and to lose the fear. But eventually ocd latched to this and then it told me to actually cut myself and because i used this method then it was i holding myself back to not act on it cause ocd said cut yourself cause then you will not be afraid of it. Its really disturbing and sick... im so afraid that these are signs that i would actually act on these as a compulsion, to not be afraid of it which is stupid, but im so afraid of this, is hard to ignore... I keep having in my mind that i actually couldve harmed myself i just had luck but im actually in danger of making it a compulsion and act on the thought. Did you had thoughts like this agressive?