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plz help me i’ve continued thoughts of self harming and have panic attacks also i can’t get rid of it my mind can’t stop thinking

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I have OCD for as long as I can remember. But the last year it has become unbearable... I don't know how to move on... My brain began to generate terrible, and scary thoughts about the people who are the most important and dearest to me. It's tough even to write about this... My fear is based on "magical thinking" and the belief that if I think something bad about someone I love, bad things will happen. And the more I worry about it, the more terrifying scripts my brain creates. Here is my OCD story in a brief summary. I started to have intrusive thoughts as a kid. Even in my childhood, my rituals were mostly mental. During my college years the obsessions almost disappeared. Then a few years later they came back (probably because of stress at my work), but I still could live with intrusive thoughts because they didn't take up most of my time. Everything has changed recently, after a chain of traumatic stressful events occurred in my life in a very short period of time. My anxiety has increased significantly, OCD has gotten worse. When I was looking for some useful information about struggling with intrusive thoughts, I read a post by a woman in which she wrote that she was afraid of accidentally cursing her child. I understand that it sounds crazy and there's no logic at all, but after a while I realised that this thought popped into my head and I can't get rid of it. This really scared me. I know that OCD quite often attacks the things we love and care about. For me, it's my family. I'm afraid that I'll wish my loved ones something bad and it will hurt them... These thoughts come up against my will. I realize that this is illogical, and probably the only person I can harm with my thoughts is myself. But the "what if..." thought destroys me. Unfortunately, I can't afford the ERP therapy because I live in Eastern Europe. At this moment, I'm researching sources and specialized literature on my own. As I understand one of the main factors in the success of therapy, and one of the first steps is the acceptance of the thoughts. But in my case, the problem is that there remain a couple thoughts that are still in my mind unacceptable (like wishing bad things on my family). I don't know what to do about it... I'm so desperate... Maybe someone has experienced something similar? I really want to believe that there is a way out of this trap because OCD is taking everything I care about... I'm really scared, and it's occupying all my mind.

I gotta share this because I think we can all get through this OCD! But you gotta put the work in! The homework therapist gives is to help us, and for me, i think i had a breakthrough. So I am a month into my ERP therapy through here and let me tell you… it sucks most days. What i like about my therapist I got on here is she told me she’s been working in hospital and prison wards, so she’s probably heard and seen some stuff and what I got probably ain’t that bad. I started with CBT but my OCD was getting rough after about a year so now I’m giving ERP a try. I was asked to write a letter to someone that I believed was triggering my OCD and so I did. I went through a whole spiral with my POCD, honestly I feel like a monster. But! I’m also recalling some stuff I have kept suppressed and never wanted to mention in therapy, and I think it’s probably time I process that stuff, no matter how ashamed or guilty I feel. Ultimately, it’s probably what is causing the doubt disorder to overtake me. So for those of you struggling, keep going! And be completely open! I promise you your therapist has heard some stuff and you are probably far from what they have heard.

I want to beat OCD/GAD? because I'm tired of being this shell of my former self. My brain has been hollowed out by the chainsaw of fears while my body remains fixed in place, unable to run. I once loved to sing and write. I once remembered conversations with others. I once was actually able to hold them myself. Now, I can barely complete coherent sentences without my thoughts veering off. My OCD leaves me exhausted. It's so hard to feel rested when you think something awful is going to happen all the time. I have started to affectionately call it Chicken Little Syndrome. However, it doesn't deserve any affection. I am supposed to be savoring the little songs my toddler sings or the jokes my husband cracks, but I am worrying about making ends meet or about inadvertently not being able to help my patients. Why did I have such issues with time management last shift? Why couldn't I focus on other simple tasks? People have shown me so much love and I can't even think of the proper way to respond, nevermind coming up with something clever, eloquent, or creative. I am a shell. A chainsaw of fear. My family is so good. They deserve to have me back.

I have germ OCD/Emetophobia, and death OCD. I just started Luvox, but my OCD and anxiety has me scared something bad will happen if I take it so I haven’t been consistent. It’s ruining my marriage..I feel guilt 24/7. Can anyone relate…

I've been going through every single OCD almost I noticed, and harm OCD always bothers me I have urges but I don't act on them and they scare me. I'm just scared they are gonna assume I'm a bad person that I want to hurt someone. I don't but my thoughts keep arguing and it freaks me out.

I just want to obsess and attach a whole story. What if I’m stuck this way. What if I go crazy and can’t remember what I’ve done. What if I stop loving God and turn to new age and I become evil and start hurting people. I just can’t. I have never thought I was evil. My entire life until I had my daughter and my mind told me she was of the devil. I was so mad at myself. How could I think about my precious gift this way? And now I’m so clueless as to why I even exist and how could this happen. It’s like nothing is real an tangible anymore. I feel like everything is such a blur in this life. I want God to be real. He has always been my whole life. It even makes 100% sense to me at the same it doesn’t 😭 I didn’t waver on my beliefs at all before this kid and it’s like me thinking about her like that has caused me so many problems along with horrible side effects from meds that made me see things in slow motion. I’m in therapy but it’s take so long to heal and for me to love my life and me again. I feel like I look at my self and think. You can’t trust you anymore. This world too has turned upside down to me. I am just so heartbroken. I want to be a good person an it seems like I’m going to turn evil any second and I’ve never been purposely evil or mean to anyone. I got bullied as a kid. 😢. I feel like I’m losing my identity an understand who I am.

Anyone currently going through this? Or went through this? I have harm ocd and it’s either about my family or then about myself and I feel afraid of not having any hope any more. I get suicidal thoughts both as intrusive thoughts but also as something I would want to stop all the anxiety I feel. Any help is appreciated

i could use some support right now. I had a harm thought and then another one like “i think im gonna do it” and it didn’t cause me anxiety and i don’t understand why. and it felt really real and now i just feel scared and confused i keep telling myself i dont want to hurt anyone and then im like what if im just saying that

Struggling with scrupulosity around real events. It makes me want to kill myself. Some days I just feel the need to either be locked up or killed. I don’t want anyone to have to deal with me. I know there are people who love me and want me alive, but I can’t help but think it would make things better if I were dead. I thought about harming myself again after a few years of being clean. I don’t want to but I feel like I have to for the greater good. Like I’m being just by punishing myself for feeling like a bad person. I can’t stand myself. I want my life to feel like one worth living. People tell me to stop wasting my time and just be happy. They don’t know how hard that is. I wish people could see into my mind and see how much I’m struggling.

I’m worried bc feels like i’m not disgusted or scared enough by my thoughts, does this mean i want to do them? I feel like im becoming a psycho or something, and my brain keeps saying “that’s not bad so why are you worried about it” like wtf yes it is bad and i’m so tired of explaining why to it but like what if im losing my morals like im dizzy idk 😭

My daughter said she has been raped right before the Thanksgiving holiday which she told me on Christmas Day However she won’t go to the police so I went but unless she comes they’re not doing anything So I will go to the tavern where he the rapist works tomorrow for lunch because I will leave this town on Saturday I’m going to ask him if he is willing to go to the police and confess what he did I must do whatever it takes to settle this case unless my daughter nor the police don’t do anything

I went to a Nurse Practitioner psychiatrist today. I told her about all of my intrusive thought OCD. She said I don't have OCD but that its a form of bipolar and maybe some psychosis. She asked me 20 times if I hear voices it see things that are not there. She said OCD is just people who order things and must have it done. She made me feel horrible and asked if I had ever acted on any of this. When I said no she almost acted bewildered. Very frustrating. My Lexapro has reached its shelf life and I just wanted to try a new SSRI. She prescribed Lamitrigine. Anyone ever try this?

i woke up in the middle of the night about an hour ago and since then i have been having a panic attack and am afraid that i am going to lose control of myself and seriously harm myself. the logical part of me knows i’m not gonna do anything but i am still so scared that i’m going to go crazy and hurt myself. i have dealt with pretty much all of the subtypes of ocd at some point before but this is my first time really having this and i can’t even understand what set it off. would love to know how those of you who have this subtype ground yourself

I had achieved "conqueror" but just like that it HIT me like a slap in the face. Anxiety. And thoughts about hurting myself so i wouldnt be a burden popped up along with ALOT of others. Images... should i say ... its crazy i dont like sharing that bc i feel like people are quick to jump and think i would actually hurt myself which makes my ocd worse. But in reality. i WOULD NEVER hurt myself. Idk if im making sense. But man its harddd to feel like im back at square one.

Im new to this community, never for a single day did i ever think id find myself here, i guess i was too afraid to share what was going on until the theme of my ocd had shifted to something so deeply disturbing i had the worst panic attacks of my life. Im a military veteran and this is by far the most difficult thing i have yet to overcome.

Am I the only one that feels immense guilt about my past? It makes me feel so alone and so lost. It always leads to me trying to com-pulse it which results in temporary relief, but it always comes back and is always in the back of my mind. It leads to me having suicidal thoughts because I can’t take the pain anymore. It feels like I’m trapped in my mind and in my thoughts and the only way to escape is through suicide. I really hate myself. I also cut myself because it relives the mental pain. I lift weights and put my body through hell running which ik isn’t healthy but it makes me feel better for some time. The thoughts tend to go away. Something about it is comforting? Idk how to explain it. I feel so messed up and alone. Just gotta keep trying and keep pushing.

Hi guys! I believe I have an OCD since I was around 12. I remember then I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about religious things and I had a counting compulsion (I thought that If I don't count to 8 in specific moments, someone gets hurt) During later years it was really changing - I stopped being religious, so the OCD theme also stopped. Then I had I reckon SOCD, harm OCD and many others. But for know my main topic is ROCD. But because of the fact that this is my main intrusive thoughts topic I start to have this awful thoughts that this is not OCD, I'm just with the wrong person and I need to accept this fact. This is really struggling for me, because i really love my bf and Im in the healthy realtionship but Im so tired of having this kind of thoughts, sometimes I cannot sleep because of them. Also the fact that I've never been diagnosed (I cannot go on theraphy right now unfortunately) is another trigger because I have thoughts that I dont really have OCD, I just making this up, because I cannot accept the truth. Is there someone with similar experiance? Or maybe someone who can have advice for me?

I feel like giving up. Idk what to do anymore. All of these intrusive thoughts idk if they are real or not. I wouldn’t ever hurt my daughter but I feel like I can’t be a father or am capable of it anymore. I’m so down and out of it.

Hi. I get a lot of anxiety driving. My ocd likes to make me think certain things happen when they didn’t. I was driving home from work and just leaving the parking lot. Someone walked in front of my car and I didn’t see immediately but they were far enough away for me to break. Literally like 2-3 parking spots away from me. They crossed the street. I didn’t hit them. But my anxiety is making me believe that I did. I even looked in my rear view mirror and saw them walking into the store to show myself that I didn’t hit anyone. Yet I still have this anxious feeling. I know for a fact I didn’t hit anyone. It’s like I have to try to convince my brain that I didn’t. I probably sound stupid.