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Does anyone else have really bad contamination OCD surrounding stds? Because I can hardly find anything about it on here.

Hey yall. Some back story: I have had OCD since I was a young child. It manifests as compulsive behaviors, a LOT of intrusive thoughts, relationship ocd, harm ocd, and contamination ocd. I also have PTSD due to having been abused and neglected (I nearly died of scarlet fever as a child). On the first day of 2020, shortly after becoming a single mom, after a year of complaining of constant, heavy periods, bloating, hair loss, exhaustion, and abdominal pain, it was discovered that my uterus was bound to my bowel and kidneys- a complication from having two back to back emergency c sections. I had a complex vertical abdominal hysterectomy in the height of the pandemic and over 15 pounds of scar tissue were removed from my abdomen. After 4 years of recovery, I've been feeling the healthiest, happiest, and most attractive I've ever felt. I was in a bad car accident three weeks ago, after which they discovered a mass on my one remaining ovary. Today, I learned that the mass is 10cm (the size of a grapefruit) and that, if it doesn't shrink in 3 weeks, I will need another abdominal surgery to remove it, along with my one remaining ovary. They mentioned that part of the reason for possibly removing the mass is to rule out ovarian cancer. I am ok right now. But I know that the intrusive thoughts are about to be bad. My fears of being abandoned and or undesirable to my partner, having serious health problems that prevent me from enjoying my life, and having health problems that hurt my children have something to latch on to. Please send me advice, reassurance, kind thoughts, advice on how to remain positive, or whatever you have that may help.

First day of school after 2 month break, I feel both fine and stressed in same time. I wanna go back home, I don't wanna stay with normal people. They are all so normal while I'm so abnormal. I don't wanna stay with them. I don't like school. Everyone grew up, but I'm still the same.. No.. not the same.. I'm worse than previous semester. I can't touch anything that is dirty. I'm scared to touch my own bag. I'm scared to touch tables. I' scared to touch anything. Not even my own face or body. I can only touch my phone and my pocket and my hands. I wash hands 10 times at once or else I will feel like dying. Everything feels so dirty... I don't wanna do anything... No one understand me there... Not even my family... People will just say that I'm overdramatic if I explain... Hiding all these from people is better than explaining and got judged in the end. I hope I will survive.. I used to plan that I will die today...On the first day of the next semester. And today is that day... I don't wanna die yet... I hope I can surpass that plan... I don't wanna die before I could reach my goal... I hope I will be fine...

Does anyone else struggle to do ERP with some compulsions because you genuinely have a belief that what you are doing is protecting you? I want to be able to touch doorhandles and not avoid things when someone in the house is sick, but k can’t help but really believe it’s protecting me from getting sick. It’s just common sense isn’t it? I know I should handle the uncertainty but surely I’m protecting myself? How can I work on changing that so I can do ERP and conquer ocd?

Does anyone else struggle with sitting in public seats. I always have to check if the seat is clean or sometimes I wipe it before I sit. At home I have designating “clean” chairs. If there’s a stain on the chair I freak out and assume it’s bodily fluids.

I'm a bit confused on ERP. I understand not doing a compulsion in response to an instruive thought, but the planned, on purpose exposures confuse me. For example, I'm ordering a new phone and I had an instruive thought that said "When the phone arrives, you're going to take, soap, toothpaste, olive oil, etc. and put it on your phone before you put the screen protector on." A weird thought, I know. So now for exposure, I need to do what the intrusive thought says? I imagine I'll worry that I've smeared something on my phone before I put the screen protector on. I don't actually want to smear anything on my phone, I think that could damage it. But, for exposure, are you supposed to do this? It's confusing. What makes sense to me, and what I come back to is just letting the intrusive thought be a thought, and not doing a compulsion. That makes sense to me. It's the extra, planned exposure part that confuses me, and honestly gets me stuck in a worry cycle about ERP/CBT therapy itself.

I have a ocd wear I have to wash my hands before using the restroom. I was in a rush. Not to be tmi but I was praying and had a urine leak in my pants. My child also come up to hug me and my wife was calling for me so i ended my prayer. Hugged my child. Ran into the bathroom. Didnt wash my hands. Just washed my private area and kept it moving. But i worry i wiped myself without washing my hands after i hugged my kid

People don’t understand how much ocd takes over your life, here’s some of my old compulsions through the years, I can laugh about these ones now as I’ve managed to stop them. Although I’m yet to beat false memory ocd. - Checking the knife draw before bed 14 times just to be ‘sure’ the knife’s were all there. - Filming under my bed before I went to sleep to make sure no one was there. - Barricading my door at night as I had a fear I would sleep walk and ‘hurt’ someone. - Video myself doing my nightly compulsions (locking doors, turning lights off, checking everything etc) to make sure it’s done. - running up and down the stairs 44 times before bed to make sure no one dies 😅😂(honestly no clue) - tapping an even number of times on each side of my body. - whenever I made someone else a drink I would have to re-do it about 10 times and video it, as id convinced myself I’d poisoned it🙃lol I mean I could go on forever but here’s some!! I’m hoping this makes someone feel less alone as I’ve stopped this now with a lot of work, it is possible!! False memory ocd is next for me , I’m hoping I can beat this as I have the above.

Hey everyone so one thing I was wondering is what people do with items they think are contaminated. I know I will never use the item again but I don’t wanna throw it away. I’m unsure of what to do?? :(

I had dentist appointment yesterday and I had so much panic attack I tried to control my anxiety but it got worse my mind kept telling to run outside and cancel my appointment but I sit there I told my mind nope I need my teeth done so if something happens then let it happen I accept the anxiety and it went away but I felt terrible after when I got home I see I got a little cut inside my lips and tongue then I got worry what if I get hiv from that I had to google if dentist clean their tools or use new one I m still afraid that will get a serious issue also I have tmj flare up I didn’t want to do my teeth because of the fear of what if that cause me more tmj or other issue no reassurance just telling you how was my day yesterday

How do you deal with ocd and laundry. Sometimes I forget I put laundry detergent in. I fight my ocd and put the clothes in the dryer but then I freak out briefly that I didn’t put detergent in and ruined the dryer. I wish I could have a camera to record me putting detergent in. Also, does anyone battle washing something potentially contaminated with other clothing. What do you tell yourself to get over these irrational thoughts

My hands are so damaged from washing them , any tips from anyone I wash them so much because they don’t feel clean enough or I don’t want certain germs from something I’ve touched They have gone dry and sore with cuts and are bleeding

Hi Guys. So I’m having a bad week. I used to have HIV fear but it got a lot better. Anyways for work we take residents into the community for activities. This week we took them to the snowball stand. I had my snowball with me the whole time. But I noticed blood on my ice cream so I asked my friend to look to see if I was bleeding. She said she saw a red spot in my mouth but couldn’t confirm I was bleeding. Then as I continued to eat I noticed more smeared like blood on my spoon. I didn’t know what to do so I kept eating thinking the blood had to be mine. Long story short, after intrusive thoughts popped in and I was like what if one of the residents put their spoon in my snowball and switched spoons with me and I didn’t know and the blood was from them? My rational brain tells me this isn’t possible as I had my snowball with me the whole time and would have noticed but my irrational brain is like what if. My husband said I’m being absurd as I would have noticed. Also the odds of them bleeding from their mouth would be low. Later I looked at my mouth and I had what looked like a cut/busted lip. I’m freaking out about hiv although I know I’m probably catastrophizing and blowing this up. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before so it scared me 😭😭 has anyone ever experienced something like this before or can you give me advice?

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

How do you guys deal with emotional contamination?

My contamination ocd has been awful lately. My hands are completely raw from washing, I'm out of hand sanitizer so I have to wash them all the time. I'm constantly rewashing clothes and changing my clothes because they feel dirty so I can't wear them anymore, and it's so stressful because I don't know what to do about it anymore. I go through an entire bottle of soap in less than a week, and some people are getting really mad about it. My hands hurt and I'm stressed out and I have no idea what to do.

I’ve always had a feeling of having OCD but I’ve never been sure. I’m a teenager, and I’m hoping people on this app can help me try to figure out if I have OCD or I’m just crazy. Starting off with these terrible thoughts I have all the time. Someone can come home late and I immediately think they got into a car wreck, and check my phone for recent car crashes and other thing etc. etc. number 2, I always have intrusive thoughts, terrible ones ever since I was a kid I can’t control. I immediately feel like thinking these will lead god to hate me, and that he made an imperfection on me. And every time I try to hide these thoughts away, like right now they’re coming out I just can’t stop thinking of them and it’s so hard to do anything. Just thoughts like, “you hate your mom” or, “you hate god” and stuff that scares me like spiders. It’s hard to do anything with these thoughts. I’m also a major perfectionist, if anything is out of order I freak out. Yes, my room is messy. But I feel a sense of incompleteness and anxiety if I don’t empty the dishwasher, or don’t clean dirty dishes around the sink. These are recent and I feel like God will punish me for committing the sin of laziness. I also have a thing with the number 5, when I touch something it needs to be 5 times and if it’s not 5 times I freak out. I’m also terrified of getting sick, every time my friend is sick I freak out and don’t get near them the entire day, constantly washing my hands. Writing this is triggering a lot of my terrible thoughts and I don’t want to continue writing. Please let me know your thoughts, mental illness runs in my family but my mom is constantly telling me there’s nothing wrong with me. Maybe she’s right.

I'm up trying not to wash the sheets at someone's house I am spending the night in, wondering about germs and if their AirPod case that I was asked to move to the nightstand is dirty enough to the point that I should wash my hands. I'm exhausted but my brain will not let me relax enough to go to sleep and I'm tired of OCD ruining things like this for me.

Hi there, I'm new to this site and just starting therapy with nocd. I have a therapist outside of nocd that specializes in ocd with cognitive behavior therapy, sound baths, rapid eye movement and hypnosis in particular. She is amazing, she doesn't force me to do things that bring me panic, and I have come a long way with allowing myself limited exposure therapy on my own terms. My husband is at the end of the line dealing with my "control" issues with contamination worries. I have begged for couples therapy so he could maybe understand that I didn't choose this and that the panic is so severe that I don't have a choice but to cave into my fears, but he wants no part of it and thinks there is nothing wrong with him or thinks he's been understanding. Backstory is that I had my ocd well managed until I was pregnant with my little one and he was diagnosedwith a heart defect in utero. Diagnosis changed at birth and we were thrown head first into a very serious and immediate trauma. We were life flighted out of state, hand washed like crazy, had complication after complication, no sleep, handed my 5 day old baby over to a surgeon I had met 3 times for open heart surgery. 17 days of living in a hospital and beeping machines and intense fear that goes so far beyond what you could ever imagine as a first time parent. Flash forward to finally coming off ng feeding tube, tongue tie clip, partially paralyzed left diaphragm, oxygen dependent until 4 months old, pulse ox until 9 month old. Back to work at only 3 months. To say it was traumatic is a huge understatement. Flash forward again 3 years, husband hospital and diagnosed with heart failure not to mention how bad things got with worry during covid. I just don't know how to get it through to him how hard I am trying, how much I hate this, how awful the panic attacks are if I don't cave. My most overwhelming fear is of mice and hantavirus and we have had mice problems in out house th3 entire time hes lives here. Remodeled kitchen 3 years ago, so none in the house, but not so confident about the garage and yard. I freak out if he wabts to work in the yard or inbthe garage, make him shower, wash clothes 2-3 times, I clean his path from the door to shower while hes showering and then shower myelf. I want to get better, but he wants it like overnight. Any advise on things that have helped you make people in your life understand where you are coming from and where your heart is? I don't want to end my marriage, but I have been there for him through thick and thin and he's basically giving me an ultimatum that I can't fulfill at this time, and I can't promise him that I will ever be 100% either, but I'm giving all that I can. He thinks I've made zero progress and that I'm not trying at all. I'm feeling lost and sad. It's exhausting andbI know he feels like a prisoner, but I am terrified all the time. I can recognize that it's irrational and mostly unlikely, but hantavirus does kill people and we have that type of mice in our state not too far away. It is not a problem here, but I'm stuck on this fear and I cannot budge from it. It irrational but also not worth my sons life so in my mind totally rational, he's only 6 and getting closer and closer to his 2nd open heart surgery. Sorry, that was a book.

I've struggled with emetophobia my entire life, and when I was in 4th grade I got the stomach flu and was sick one night. It caused me to have severe intrusive thoughts around eating, being around other people, traveling, not being clean enough, and more. Over 16 years I got so much better, and thought I was basically "recovered". I was wrong 🙃 about 2 weeks ago, I got another stomach bug and was sick (threw up) for the first time since 4th grade and I relapsed back to that point. I've lost more than 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks because I have barely been eating, I've been struggling to go back to work, and I can't go 12 hours without having an anxiety attack.