- Date posted
- 1y
STD contamination fears
Does anyone else have really bad contamination OCD surrounding stds? Because I can hardly find anything about it on here.
Does anyone else have really bad contamination OCD surrounding stds? Because I can hardly find anything about it on here.
I get very worried about this and my partner will get upset sometimes cause we've been together for 7 yrs and doesn't understand why I would be scared if I'm not cheating. I can get a test and it say negative and I'll just assume the virus or whatever just isn't detectible yet and I'll probably be positive in a few months. I've done this a lot with HIV and hepatitis. I'm still not sure I don't have them but I literally just got tested a week ago š„“ also I work in a dental office and see blood all the time so that def doesn't help.
@_sarah_ I relate to this so much! My partner and I have been together for 6 years and I still struggle with std fears and chronic testing.
That is my biggest fear, I canāt tell you how many hiv tests Iāve done within a year for the most surreal reasons I never seem to accept that I donāt have it and stop panicking
Oh yeah- that was a big one for me. Paranoid about every ingrown hair. Terrified of sleeping with anybody who had slept with anybody else. It significantly impacted my relationships and how I chose a partner. Itās a tough one to cope with.
This is a big part of my contamination OCD. Itās been hard dating. I took some time off from dating when my OCD was at its peak. I havenāt slept with a new person in 6 years, itās tough to explain to my friends why I havenāt been dating. Iāve been slowly getting back on the apps though after doing exposure therapy
Iāve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I wonāt give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that Iāll ācheck/testā my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that Iāll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. Itās so complicated but I guess Iām mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. Iāve even envisioned myself checking and itās making me so nauseous. I know itās a compulsion like any other but the sound of ātouching yourself to the thought of a childā sounds atrocious and vile. Iām terrified Iāll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, Iād appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?
Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.
back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i ādealā with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think itās insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, iām barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. iāve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still donāt consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where itās just, a lot to deal with. i donāt really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so iām usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like iāll contaminate wherever i end up going. iām not going to go really deep into my compulsions because itās hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff iām going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if thatās not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because iāve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. iām not sure if thatās my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain canāt help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. iām so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into whatās supposed to be āhomeā. and iām so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. iām planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but itās insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. itās crazy to me that iām dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, iām sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.
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