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Today has been the worst spiral I’ve had for weeks. There is this constant memory in my head that I can’t shake because I’m terrified. Basically 2 years ago on Halloween of 2024 an old guy friend messaged me on Snapchat. I remember I was in the shower and went on my phone to check something, I saw his chat and I clicked on it and I do not remember at all what he said. I do remember replying to it and then about 5 ish minutes later I unadded him and another guy because I didn’t want my fiancé (bf at the time) to think I was cheating or anything, I think if I can remember that’s why I removed them because I didn’t want all these guys on my snap from highschool or anything that I used to talk to to be on there, my anxiety was really bad around October, so I think I removed them out of respect for my relationship (me saying I think is even making the spiral worse.) That’s all I remember. But I’ve been spiraling over this thought for almost 2 years because the memory keeps getting fuzzier and fuzzier. Basically I’m terrified because I keep having the occurring thought about “what if I cheated and removed him to hide the evidence.” I’m so scared. After I removed him I remembered I felt good because I felt like a loyal girlfriend, but now I think that’s what happened because I’ve been thinking on it for days to the point where the memory is even more fuzzier. But I’m scared my brain is telling me that “I felt good because I deleted evidence of cheating.” Etc. I think if I can remember I removed those guys out of respect for my fiancé (bf at the time) and I didn’t want/feel the need to have any guy friends or talk to them because I had my man. I’m scared about what if I’m making this up and I actually did something unloyal. What if I felt good afterwards because I hid cheating evidence? I dont know what to believe and my memory of the whole event is so fuzzy.OCD has been the worst thing I’ve ever dealt with. I feel like I can’t trust myself, the reason why this is bothering me so bad is because a long time ago when my fiance and I first started dating, I struggled with explicit content. I would watch it, and (embarrassing part) I’d play this game called character ai and I’d create like explicit/spicy stories on there etc. For awhile, I hid the character ai game from my fiancé (bf at the time) because I think it was out of embarrassment. And later on I told him and told him that i was nervous to tell him because I didn’t know what he’d think about it. Now onto the ocd part, my ocd is telling me that “if you hid that, then you definitely cheated and hid that too, thats why you removed the guy and deleted him and a few other guys too. You definitely sent a nude, you definitely flirted.” And so on and so on. It never stops ever and i dont know how to deal with this anymore. Has anyone else’s ocd ever gotten this bad? Mine also gets terrible at work whenever i interact with male customers. It tells me I flirt, cheat and I also get these bad intrusive thoughts. Worst thing ever.

I actually don't even know what is happening to me. At all. I've had these thoughts for 8 years now. Fear of relationships. I don't feel anything towards men. But not towards women either, even though I'm afraid that I do or that I will. I have no interest in relationships, even though deep down in my soul I long for love, a relationship, and children—because otherwise, it wouldn't bother me if I didn't want it deep down. I just don't want to be a lesbian. I've even lost interest in watching romantic TV shows/movies and reading books. I'm afraid of relationships. I feel like running away from everything, and I feel as if I have no sexuality at all.

So I’ve been friend with this guy for a few months, just friends, but recently our friendship has developed into something a bit more. I was taking it very slow and he was so sweet and kind to me. However, the age gap is 6 years. He’s younger than me and it’s making me freak out a little bit. He’s 18 and I’m 24, I met him through my cousin and him and his friend joined our group of friends. We then realised we play the same games online and joined us playing. We then also realised we like the same everything, films, music, we know the same roaming niche facts and enjoy the same random stuff. We say the same things at the same time, we think the same things, and when we’re together I’m weirdly myself which I’ve never been before. Never once have I felt able to me fully myself around someone. But recently my Brian has been calling myself the most disgusting names, I’ve been freaking out and worrying that I’m a bad person for liking him. I turned him down a few times because of his age, but when I realised he’s a mature guy, that he’s in a very similar position in life to me, that he’s working full time, wanting to travel, wanting to enjoy life and to not go around messing around, that I realised he’s actually such a genuine guy. I’ve never met a guy who knows how to tell you how he’s feeling, to share how he feels about you. Everyday he called me adorable, cute, that he loves when I smile, that I’m gorgeous or that if I ever need him all I have to do is ask, and I never feel like he’s disappearing. He keeps me updated. But yeah my brain won’t stop looking for reassurance on the internet that I’m not doing anything wrong, my mum and dad have the same age gap, happily married with 2 kids, but because I’m the older woman it feels like I’m gonna get attacked and then my brain goes “yeah well a random person on the internet said it’s wrong so now it’s wrong” but I’m not with him because of his age, I’m with him because he’s proven to me how much he adores me. All my friends can see it as well, they all say “from the second he saw you he was whipped, he doesn’t fake his eyes off you, and when you’re together you both just fit”

But I’ve had an OCD Diagnosis for over 10 years. As the evaluator was explaining her findings, I expressed frustration about ERP mostly not working for my OCD (after multiple attempts) and she seemed to think that that made sense with my neurodivergence. Anyone else can relate? What are you doing for your OCD? Note - I just went to a specialist for the autism evaluation, but this is not my ongoing provider. I honestly don’t know who can address my OCD now..

i really want to google about how never having had a bf or relationship in 34 years what that means about me and just trying to accept the uncertainty but idk i keep getting the intrusive thought lately that everyone thinks im g** and everyone is waiting for me to come out and that what if im feeling attraction to certain friends i know im not attracted to even writing this instead of sitting with it feels like a compulsion ... like confession compulsion or ruminating to people who might relate and if they relate then im not xyz... it really sucks because for a while there i thought i found a great guy and he and this other guy were just using me to jerk off long distance dating apps and now im alone and i feel this like whats the point in dating or trying

There's like, one big memory that keeps popping in, with a bunch of other "what ifs". All involving my nephew. The big memory in question is, at one point, my mom was forcing me to clean my nephew because she was busy, and I normally refuse to clean up children. This is how I originally remember it happening: I wasn't able to touch him to actually clean him, so I ended up putting him in the shower to try and spray him off in a panic, which didn't work either. I broke down and cried in the bathroom. But now I keep convincing myself that I did something bad to him. Accidentally or not. I keep getting an intrusive image of me touching him badly that I don't think is real, but I can't prove it. In addition to this, my mind just keeps asking "what ifs": "What if you enjoyed it when he'd climb all over you when he was a baby?" "What if those accidental touches and brushes weren't accidents?" "What if you're looking at him inappropriately on purpose?" I'm also struggling with a false memory, telling me that I touched him inappropriately when he was still an infant when I was like, 15. I have absolutely no idea if this is true or not. My mind has pretty much turned every memory involving him into a POCD soup. I legitimately cannot tell you what the truth is. The truth I WANT is that I'm just overreacting, that I hadn't actually enjoyed or wanted any of these things. But my mind has so thoroughly convinced me I'm a monster that I can't calm myself down. What makes everything more confusing is that my nephew loves me, and my family doesn't see me as a threat to him, hell, they've even said I'd make a great dad, if I ever wanted kids. (Which I don't, regardless of POCD.) So now I feel as though I'm "lying" somehow. That I've put on a front to make everyone think I'm safe so I can do more wrong. Even though that's... Not what I want at all. I don't want any of this to be real. I just don't know what's real anymore. I don't think I had done anything wrong, but my brain keeps telling me that I'm lying to myself. Any time someone tells me I didn't do anything wrong I end up telling myself that they're lying.

I have this really scary thing that happens, with my harm ocd where I will suddenly think about my intrusive thought and I think ‘imagine if I done it anyways/acted on it anyways’ or it’s almost like an urge and it feels like your going to actually go and do that intrusive thought and it feels like an intense urge almost like I want yo actually go and do it or that it’s like I have to do it (similar to the feeling of wanting do compulsions except you obviously can’t do it because it’s a harm intrusive thought) idk how to explain it but it’s a killing intrusive thought usually about my mum and it’s so scary but in the moment it feels so real and like I can bring it on anytime and it feels so real like it’s my own feeling and like it could happen like acting on impulse and it’s really horrible has anyone else experienced something similar. I’m scared because it feels almost like you could lose control or almost like it feels like I want to do it and i don’t understand why it feels sometimes like I want it or like it. It’s really confusing and I’m scared

I'll keep this short. I have stuff to do and dont want to take up too much time. But I did so many horrible things from ages 12-15 that I can't cope with. I don't even know how I thought any of it was ever any kind of ok. Genuinely some of the worst things you can think of. I had forgotten for a good number of years, and this last year everything is hitting me like a train and it's so painful because of how much I've changed. Some people involved in these events are still in my life and I avoid them as much as I can because I don't want them to remember, I don't want them to feel any amount of pain.

I have alot of scary dreams but not in the way most people would have a scary dream, where they’re being chased or hurt or something negative happening to them, i’m always the perpetrator. it TERRIFIES me because i never see anyone who has those sorts of dreams and im so terrified im a horrible person. i hate that people think dreams have meanings because now im scared my subconscious wants to hurt people and ill suddenly spin out of control. i’m not sure what to do as this is really really upsetting me. i don’t want to hurt anyone but what if i secretly do.

I saw my ex again recently. I was just dropping something off, but I mentioned how much I missed him and I confessed I had gone out with other guys in the past couple weeks. We had broken up two months ago but had been actively hooking up, still saying I love you, the whole nine yards (until he kicked me out of his life out of nowhere, which led me to accept the dates). He made me feel like the devil. Obviously he was sad, which is fair, and I feel for him in a way. I know he still loves me and our situation is far from typical and we both hurt each other. but he made me feel like a total h0e and was in complete shock. To be fair, I wanted to get back together with him, and he knew that so I see the shock- and I still partially do hope he comes back- but he himself said he probably wouldn’t come back, to not wait for him, etc. after all of it I told him I wouldn’t talk to guys anymore while healing from this… and then he randomly blocked me on absolutely every single thing the next day. One of the guys I was hanging out with prior to this interaction reached out again. Do I hangout with him?? I know my ex will return 100% and I work with him soon so I’ll inevitably be in contact with him. This other guy is a good time and distraction though, and isn’t looking for anything serious and won’t hook up with me or anything. If I sound horrible please point that out too. I’m willing to see all sides of this. Maybe too willing. ( I have ROCD if you were wondering how this ties into this app )

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now. He’s my first serious longterm relationship. Before I always struggled with keeping relationships and broke them up quite quickly (mostly after one week to 9 months). I always thoughts about not feeling it, having doubts and having the urge to leave or suddenly got thoughts about me being gay when I’m not. I always gave in to this urge and sometimes regretted it. I blamed it on my age but looking back I had signs of ROCD and SOOCD. I met my boyfriend on hinge and was imminently into him. We talked for like 4 months before making it official. Sadly we’re long distance but we see each other pretty often. Before him I had some bad experience with two other guys who cheated on me and broke my trust. Since I already have low self esteem since my childhood it made it even worse. I came from a household where both of my parents cheated on each other. My boyfriend had one long term gf before me and I was imminently obsessed with her. I was convinced that he still loved her. She broke up when she was traveling alone in another country over the phone to find herself. She did not gave him any reasons so it’s quite understandable that it hurt him. She came back in august 2024 (still in our talking stage) and they meet up for a last talk and for him to get his stuff back. I was so worried that something will happen but he promised that nothing happened. I still look at her social media to this day. My boyfriend reassurances me that he mostly did like her as a friend and their relationship felt more like a friendship to him and was sad that he lost her as a friend. He does not miss her as a girlfriend because most of the time they just fought. In the beginning of our relationship I stalked his location, social media, friends and got mad when he didn’t text me back quickly. My whole mood depended on it. During his exam phase he was quite busy and couldnt text that much. Another thing what bothered me were other attractive women. I always scanned the area to look for women that matched his type and got mad at him. During our talking stage he went on a cruise trip alone (booked before we met) and meet a girl there which he hung out with in a bigger group. They were the same age and hung out as friends. She texted him a year later on ig to give him an update on a contest she told him about on the trip. I found it weird since she had his number but he showed me the chat. This girl had zero respect for herself or other people. She texted him quite often and tried flirting with him. My boyfriend sadly isn’t the smartest and texted her back in a friendly way. He told her he had a girlfriend after the second time she asked (which i found weird). She was lowkey mad and told him if it doesnt work out he can always talk to her. He didn’t understand. I told him to ask for her intentions and she asked if I found out and said she never wanted to make me feel hurt and she always texts to her guy friends like that. He blocked her after and deleted their messages. He sometimes makes jokes without thinking and some of them were meh. But he always apologized. Another thing that threw me off was when we’re dating he out of curiosity looked on hinge what kind of people where living in my city (when he visited me). When I caught him he explained and said he was just curious and was sorry that he hurt me and deleted the app. (We both still had it during the time because of our first messages lol I still had it too). All this things kinda hurt but he always worked on it and did better. He said that he doesn’t want to lose me and will so anything to keep me. And he keeping his word. In march this year I went to my exam phase and he did too. I was mad again for him being busy. Something in me flipped. Mid march on our holiday in Norway I got strong break up urges/thoughts and immense doubts. They always changed from do I love him, Am I gay?, His looks, His personality, my past relationships, am I still in love with my ex, his past mistakes, hating him and so on. They changed quite quickly. I’m in a spiral since and my head hurts so much. I wake up and have these thoughts all day. I don’t feel lovely dovey anymore or have the butterflies. What bothers me that he did make some mistakes and I forgave him and he did better. But now all I can see are these mistakes and not the good things in him. It’s like my brain is scaning for advice to break up. I don’t want to really. I always found it easier to hate someone instead of forgiving them. I was always a negative person. Now I’m asking for some advice from other people. Are these actual concerns or is my ROCD making everything worse.

Has anybody else been diagnosed with CHS and how do you avoid falling back into weed usage when quitting triggers a major OCD spiral everytime ? :( almost two weeks without marijuana and I feel like I'm going insane and the thoughts don't want to stop and I feel so sad because I was so happy until I stopped smoking and now I feel like I'm back where I was last year . Also has anyone been able to use weed in moderation or is it impossible for people like me who are so used to using substances to cope and get out of my head ? I'm on fluoxetine right now and I hope in a month or so it kicks in and helps but I'm horrified the thoughts will never stop without substances.

I've always suffered from OCD for as long as I can remember, way before I got diagnosed, but in 2021 it got really bad to the point where I literally fell apart, my life fell apart, it broke me to the point where I thought I'd never be able to get back up again. But somehow I did, I kept going and now I'm here. My OCD is by no means gone but if I was to tell my 21 yo self that we're still here and still keeping on going, I don't think she'd believe me, but despite it all we did. But OCD has consumed a big chunk of my life, most of my 20s, to the point where I feel very vulnerable in the world, I don't feel like I'm where I should be in life. I feel so behind. I look around and I've stayed in the same place but everything around me has moved on. So many of my family, friends and people I know have moved on with their lives, they're in relationships, they have homes of their own, they drive cars, they've gotten married, they've started families, they've done so much and I feel like I've barely achieved anything. I have a great job and amazing colleagues, family and friends who I cherish with my whole heart, but I can't help but feel like a burden to them all. I've been shackled to OCD and despite the fact those shackles are a little looser now, I'm still tethered to it, I think I always will be, I know it'll never truly go away and I'm okay with that, but I can't help but feel so lost, like I've been left out in the cold and now things are a little bit easier, I'm just not sure I know how to move forward. The last date I went on and the last relationship I was in was 5 years ago and only lasted a few months because my OCD was still very bad and I felt it was unfair to put my ex through all of that, he just didn't know what to with me, I was a real wreck. I'm having driving lessons but all my friends got their licenses years ago and despite the fact I'm doing okay on my lessons I'm very nervous and feel like I'm pressuring myself sometimes to get it over and done with to catch up with my friends which means I make mistakes a lot. Marriage and family plans are definitely not on the cards for me anytime soon and I'm okay with that and despite the fact I feel ashamed a lot of the time to still be living at home at 26 when someone of my friends own their own homes, I know I wouldn't flourish living on my own and I love my family and feel safe and happy living with them so I'm content with where I am for now. I feel like I've just been surveying life from a distance these last few years, everything changing around me but me staying exactly the same and now I'm at a point in my life where I'm strong enough to join in again I just don't feel like I know how, like it's easier to just stay as I am even though I don't want to. Everything feels stagnant, I feel like I need to discover who I am as a person again, but I'm just not sure how to do it.

super huge long vent about my relationship with God & my OCD. ugh sorry its really long. its basically a run down of everything thats happened i feel like with each passing day i feel myself getting so much more distant from God, like each day im just buiilding brick after brick thats creating a wall between us that makes me want nothing to do with thinking or praying to Him. i dont know why im doing this. i feel like Christians would think im crazy. like "why would you do this? why would you want to be farther from Him?" i literally just feel so heartbroken from this endeavor trying to get closer to Him. so many tears have been spilled these past few months trying to get closer and feeling so frustrated from myself. im just so done with myself. i feel like ive tried everything and it breaks my heart going to church, watching sermons, seeing other Christians having God as their everything when its just so hard for me. the whole reason my OCD snowballed into this huge monster is because my apparent inability to have faith. i have had God literally talk to me and i still somehow can't comprehend that He is Lord. that he is GOD. it still feels fake. it makes no sense to me. i dont feel like i have faith or believe despite being given literal proof. so my OCD has developed so many hellish compulsions constantly checking if i believe, trying to strain my brain to believe, checking if im sinning, being scared over certain concepts like "the few elect", Hebrews 10:26, and of course, Hell, the end times... this is the worst my mental health has gotten. it breaks my heart seeing people feel like they discovered a best friend, a father, a mentor, Someone who cares for them and understands them more then ANYONE, and then theres just me who doesnt even feel like any of the Bible is real, despite KNOWING it is, trying to make it seem real so that i can HAVE HIM AS everything people see Him as. Id be lying if the only reason i wanted to believe so hard was just to have God as the all knowing, loving father He is. of course my main obsession is if i am going to Hell or Heaven or not. i've lost sleep over it from the anxiety, i have spent countless hours, DAYS, with Him being the only thing i think about from the moment i wake up to the time i fall asleep. i have tried SO hard. so hard. i have tried so hard to believe. i have tried so hard to have faith. so with all of this trying i have created such an association with God being the thing that triggers my fear, dread, anxiety, confusion, uncertainty that it makes it harder to pray to Him. i feel like my own worst enemy. i also just dont know what to do at this point. continuing to try and believe when i have failed for months feels like im knocking on a locked door that i dont know how to get into, i feel like it's now why im finding myself growing more distant. ive numbed so many of my emotions of fear towards Hell so that i can continue functioning. ive also tried to numb any emotions i have that might lead me to knowing if ive sinned. i feel like ive caused so much damage to my brain if i were to think of the one question i've probably asked God most throughout this entire 4 month period, it'd probably be "what do i do?". im realizing this is probably true for most Christians, but still, its just so highlight how confused and helpless i feel. seriously though. what do i do? at this point i dont know what. i dont know what to continue doing. i dont even know if God wants me anymore. i have so many blasphemous thoughts about Him that i cant tell if they are intrusive thoughts anymore. i feel like engaging with anything having to do with God makes me feel so nervous that im going to start thinking sinful things. my OCD makes it so hard to engage with anything having to do with Him. i feel like i sin less without guilt/awareness and it scares me. but when i tried to repent, it was so overwhelming and i felt so hyperaware of each and everytime i sinned, even in my head, that i just felt this deep and overwhelming fear this whole time. how do people do it? well of course, with The Holy Spirit, but i dont even know if i have Him. i have delegated thoughts like above hundreds of times in my head at this point. i felt like my mind was running on a loop for hours, days, weeks, never getting to a destination. i feel scared of disengaging. but i think both God and i would agree that it's not healthy to be thinking so obsessively and intensely about my salvation, being paranoid if ive sinned... so. yeah. I still dont want to be disengaged though. but i feel like the amount that i suffered when i WAS trying to put everything i had into trying to believe, into worrying about my salvation... i just felt absolutely miserable. i STILL feel miserable because i just know im going to die one day. im tired

Never considered this a possibility until every recently when everything felt like it clicked. I had met my current best friend in Junior year of highschool, and we only became truly close during our Senior year and the following few years. She's been basically the only person I've associated with (outside a few buddies I had before graduation) amidst my depression and my life basically falling apart. I've done a lot of rumination over my handful of years of having her in my life, and the conclusion I've come to is that I've been absolutely terrible to her, despite the fact that she swears up and down that it's not the case. The first point of rumination is just all the times I've said creepy/perverted stuff to her, tried to engage with her in a sexual way, etc. There's been so many moments throughout our 4+ years of knowing each other where I would say something dirty/flirty in hopes something would blossom, and it was either so ill timed she would call me out on it, or she didn't really realize the implication. A handful of occasions I had been a bit pushy/trying too hard without really realizing it, but as I've grown as a person over the last few years I end up remembering and feeling gross about it. I'm also struggling with a couple of false memories, or at least, what I HOPE are false memories, convincing myself that I either have tried/wanted to touch her without her wanting it at some point. She tells me that I haven't done that and she would remember if I did, but I'm so scared that I've wanted to do so at some point and the thought horrifies me. I sometimes feel like I only ever became her friend for sexual reasons, or something. Something I'm horrified could be true. A point my mind holds against me often is how I'll video call with her when she's in a state of undress, and it's like, I'll want to do it more because of it? As scummy as that sounds? What makes it worse, is that I talked to her the other night about things that we often do together that in my eyes are an intimate thing, whereas she sees them as stuff she does with close friends. Showering on the phone, stuff like that. Which makes me feel worse for pursuing a relationship like that with her when it was never there at all. The second point is largely a byproduct of the first point, where I had often felt immense guilt over my previous actions and would profusely apologize and deliberately avoid her for long periods of time. She's told me that I've caused her a lot of pain doing that to her, despite me feeling like it's the right thing to do quite often. So despite everything I've talked about, like I said, my friend doesn't have any issues with me. She swears up and down that I'm too hard on myself, and when I ask what exactly she wants out of our relationship, she says she just wants me to keep being who I've been, who in her eyes, is her chill friend she can talk about whatever with and play games with. All of what I've talked about isn't even a factor. Something me and her have talked about is how she's pretty dense when it comes to social things, so part of me can't help but wonder if I really have been as horrible as I think I have been, and she simply hasn't had it click. I care about her so much, man. Maybe high school me was only thinking about sex. I don't know anymore. All I know is that even if I didn't care back then, I DEFINITELY do right now. She's such an amazing person and easily the best HUMAN I've ever had in my life. That's why this is tearing me apart so thoroughly. The idea that I've been so horrible to the only person who actually CARES about me at all makes me lose sleep.

Hey Does anyone know any good tips to calm my anxiety during rumination and remembering past things that relate to genital staring? The anxiety seems to only get worse and no matter what I do, the panic still ends up coming. I've tried allowing myself to glance without fear because I know its not out of sexual/power. I've tried telling myself I'll worry another time (it works for a bit because I then don't worry later, but it always catches up.) I've tried going out. I've tried researching (probably not the best idea) Same with confessing (everyone is so understanding but I still feel like I am lying to get out of a crime I haven't even committed) I've tried sleeping but I wake up worse. I've tried telling myself maybe I am that to reduce the fuel, yet it only makes it worse. Music makes the panic more intense. I just need anything. Please. I don't know what to do. How am I even going to go through the ERP that I want to aim for if I can't even cope alone? When people with OCD say my situation is classic, yet I still panic? When people trust I am not a pedophile even though I fear I am one. (this includes staring too, but I don't have a tag, oops)

Meta ocd is really putting a toll on me. Okay, Usually the standard treatment is ERP and acceptance right? Well lately my ocd asks me about “am I recovering?” But it’ll lead me to ruminate by trying to say “yes”. Okay, plan B, I can stick with uncertainty not knowing, but when I feel hope of being free, ocd fires back with “how do you know you’re free if you’ll never know what being free from recovery is? Doesn’t full recovery mean full freedom?” and basically that just removes that happy, hopeful feeling of being free is possible because I thought uncertainty was always the answer, but it seems like this time uncertainty clashes with my hope to be free. now it feels like a paradoxical loop that I’m trapped in. OCD can be overcome, but maybe not this. I’ll be stuck with this dilemma forever☹️ Anyone who’s gone through this, any tips?

I met with a functional doctor this morning and told him what i’ve been experiencing symptom wise, waking up in panic, bad periods, a lot of anxiety, etc. I told him I was diagnosed with ocd in 2020 and I took prozac and it really helped at the time. he said that makes sense because ocd is a dopamine issue and prozac helps regulate dopamine. he said ocd ramped all the way up is schizophrenia. that schizophrenia is the next step to ocd. that ocd is noticing patterns and schizophrenia is drawing conclusions from the patterns. is that accurate?

Hello friends, Today marks day 35 since starting my new medication, and to be honest- I think its been working! I don't want to jinx myself but I think the fact I haven't been active on this account for nearly 17 days shows how I have been less consumed by my themes in everyday life. Yesterday, I returned home from a 4 day music festival. Now, my OCD is flaring up quite badly. Logically, I know this is because I am hormonal, on a hugeee comedown from the festival (drinking, excersise, lack of sleep, overstimulation etc.) but my head is still feeling very loud right now. You guys are like my safe space when I start to get freaked out again! Anyway, I thought I would make a post and just blurt everything on my mind to share how I have been doing! So first: the medication- once the initial 'activation effects' calmed down I definitely have been obsessing less. I also had a really nice conversation with a close friend about how I am more able to allow the thoughts to 'pass by' rather than constantly engaging with them. I also had my birthday recently, which I felt so so lucky and blessed about. I had a wonderful time, and I also was able to be happy without feeling like I didn't deserve it... which is new! Then this past 4 days I went to the same music festival I go to every year. I realised that I truly have conquered my health subtype because I felt far less anxious about the normal things I would worry about (big crowds, lack of routine of food and drink etc., lack of sleep, heat stroke). On this front, I felt much better than in previous years! However, I also felt extremely happy and loved and greatful for my friends which (and this is so sad) I find quite triggering sometimes because it feels fragile... like it could all go wrong at any moment. Also, I am so lucky because I am deeply in love with my partner and everyday he feels more and more like the person for me... but I have not told him about my real event, and hence why now I am ruminating on what he would say if he knew and whether I am being a bad person for hiding it from him. But the truth is, it was inconsequential, and telling anyone would undoubtedly make everything worse. Then in turn I feel selfish for not wanting to share it when I know it will have a negative impact. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Okay, rant over! On the whole, I have been doing better. I am working on accepting myself as a whole and understanding that past events do not define who I am now. I am a good person because I always try my hardest to be. Overcoming anxiety begins with accepting yourself, past, future and present. Love you all, I would appreciate a reply if you could take the time! I will also be responding on here for a while :)

My daughter has very obvious anxiety of some sort but it’s to the point she picks at scabs and pulls arm/leg/eyebrow hair out when overstimulated, and when asked why can only come up with “I couldn’t stop. It felt like there was something in my eye/on my arm/in my hair that was bothering me and it wouldn’t stop so I HAD to.” When she gets these intrusive thoughts in her head she cannot help but ruminate on them and MUST act in some type of way to make the sensations stop. Sounds ocd right?? Her therapist doesn’t think so but I kinda do. Obviously we aren’t professionals here so not looking for a diagnosis but insight would be nice..