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*Long Post* hello, I’m just looking to get some advice maybe some kind words and some motivating messages I have been really going through it the last two weeks. I’ve already been through all this before and been through therapy but now it seems to be coming back. I’m guessing because I’m in the process of moving right now and I’m just a bit extra stressed. The past two weeks I have been experiencing really bad panic attacks and or agoraphobia if I leave more than 10 minutes from my apartment. If I do go 10 minutes away from the apartment I have a hard time staying at the location whereas I try to rush back home. I have been diagnosed with OCD. I have all types of OCD this one particularly that is bothering me is I have a fear that I am going to go into psychosis if I get too far away from the house where I’m going to lose my mind and I feel like I’m gonna forget everything and I’m gonna lose my memories and then I’m gonna lose who I am. I have this fear that if I get too far away from the house, then I will lose the memory of getting back home and how to get back home. I also have a fear that if I’m around people and I’m panicking like this I fear that if I’m panicking and I’m at least 10 minutes away from home and I’m in public I fear that people are going to trigger something in me to where I go into psychosis and I don’t remember myself and I don’t know how to get home. I fear that if I’m around people in public, they will catch on to how I’m feeling and send me a way to a mental institution. I have to go 10 minutes away to the doctor tomorrow because of my carpal tunnel and I’m dreading the entire day all night. I’ve just been thinking about the fear of going and what might happen if I’m in a room with the doctors and I fear that I will go insane and will not be able to get myself home. I have these thoughts that what if I have to to run back to the car and leave in the middle of my appointment. I also after that I have to go to my parents house who lived 20 minutes away and the last two times that I drove there I was driving recklessly because I was so panicking. I’m usually fine when I get to my parents house but I have a fear that if I drive there, what if I black out and I don’t remember anything. I do not do any drugs. I do not smoke or drink. I’m not sure what brought this on because I’ve already been through therapy for all of this, but it just seems like it’s just gotten worse and harder this time I’m going to have to push myself to go out because my carpal tunnel is making my fingers numb so I know that my health is priority but this anxiety is crippling. I take 125 mg of luvox every day and I see my psychiatrist on 1 August so I’m gonna see if she can update my dose and see if that helps this is kind of the same fear but another fear that I have is what if I get so stressed in public and I completely go into psychosis because I am so stressed and what if the stress brings this on like I fear that what if it gets too much and psychosis hits me while I’m in public and I can’t drive home Another core fear that I have is I have this irrational thought that everybody around me is not real and I am the only real person and I have this thought in my head that this whole life is just a fake scenario in my head. I feel like what if this world is not real and it’s just all made up in my head or I fear that I’m the only real person and the other people are like paid actors. I know this thought is irrational and when I start to do compulsions which are mental compulsions for me I tell myself there’s no way that that’s true. I tell myself people are living their own life as well but I think that makes it worse when I tell myself. So I also have this thought that everybody in this world is me but just different versions and I know this is irrational like everybody is in their own person and I can tell myself that all day but then it’s just the anxiety will not let it go.

I’m a 21 year old guy soon to be 22 and I am still a virgin. I talk to a lot of girls and I think some like me but I’ve never even held their hand or kissed them. Am I a loser? I go to college, get good grades and run collegiate cross country, and have a great family but I still feel like I am a failure. Any advice?

Hey everyone, I think this is a safe space to share what's going on. I am diagnosed with OCD and Schizoaffective disorder. I am dealing with severe paranoia. This paranoia involves fearing people are watching me in public, judging me, or mistreating me and it is severe. It's gotten so bad that I don't like wearing glasses in my own car while driving because I think people are still judging me for my glasses. When I walk outside, it always feels like people are watching me and judging me. I fear talking to any person including disliking phone calls because I fear I will be mistreated. When I walk outside it really does feel like people can "sense" me being there the same way they can sense my wearing my glasses or not in the car. I think I look better without glasses. My vision isn't terrible but it's nice to see more clearly when I am driving and I am actually taking them off because I believe people are still judging me and may even treat me a certain way that is bad if I wear glasses. My current life looks like avoidance of nearly all people and places. I feel safe when I am at home. I am not going to grad school nor working because of my paranoia and dislike for people. I am living on a large inheritance which I am blessed to have. I tried applying for disability income anyway since I am disabled and have no income from job. I didn't qualify because of my assets which makes sense. I am disabled, my OCD and paranoia is preventing me from functioning normally. I today had an experience at the restaurant where I felt like I may have been mistreated. What happened was I entered the restaurant to pick up a to-go order I placed online. I was reaching for my bag and they stopped me to check to make sure I was the correct person (because I learned that people steal other peoples orders a lot there and on that day they said someone stole $90 worth of other people's orders). So I showed them my confirmation on my phone as usual and told them I am a regular who comes in all the time. They said they don't see my name on the confirmation on my phone and I told them they always accept it when I show them. They then said they both don't recognize me when I said I am a regular but then they said "but that doesn't mean you don't come in often" and I have OCD doubt that they said something opposite like they doubted I came in often which would be mistreatment but it sounds unlikely they would have said it that way. So I had to wait a little longer than usual for them to check to make sure I was the correct person for my order. Then one of the older ladies bumped her arm against my arm to get my attention and said, "someone just stole $90 worth of food earlier." I felt like she was invading my space and I felt a small pain even just from that. Then I chose a time to say "I wouldn't want someone stealing my food and she was turning around at the time like she ignored me or didn't hear me." Then I said it again to the other lady and she agreed by saying of course. This was very significant because I felt the need to clarify that I understand why they wanted to check me because I wouldn't want someone stealing my food to make up for the annoyance of waiting. But yeah, I just feel like I was mistreated and I don't like how she touched my arm, when the first one didn't acknowledge when I said I wouldn't want someone stealing my food (My OCD involves feeling the need to clarify, explain, and confess information which can get really overwhelming at times which is why I avoid talking to people to have more peace of mind) I am actually getting off my medications which were helping me just so I could drink alcohol. I want to drink because it helps with the boredom and does make me feel better if I don't over drink. I recently have been acting irrational where I got back on meds and quit drinking then I reverted back to drinking and not on meds and I keep changing my mind. I also notice that some days my surroundings feel dreamier and hazy like I am in disconnect from reality, like a derealization.

I cannot fucking stop myself from ruminating. I feel so lonely and I don’t know what to do and cannot distract myself or get my mind to stop racing!! My closest people are busy and I feel guilty for asking to take up their time. I feel like a burden and I am in the way and always doing something wrong. It feels almost impossible to ask for help even in for the smallest things and I can’t stop worrying. At this point I’m so exhausted from my mind racing and worrying about every possible thing that could go wrong or shit I feel guilty about (drinking a bottle of water from the pantry because it’s one less and what if someone else was going to drink it and fucking everything costs money nothing is free) that I can’t fully explain what’s wrong and how to fix it. I would love to break it all down and be able to know exactly where things are incorrect or could be fixed in every aspect of my life but I don’t have the energy. And now everything in my life is starting to fall apart (something’s fucked in the front end of my car, havent had an alignment in over a year and a half, no sticker, need to get it registered in a month, gas is so fucking expensive, my check engine light is on / my job is so fucking stressful I’m salary getting paid 40 hours but I’m the manager and have 3 other employees at my shop open 8-8 every day so im always covering and staying late and I’m so fucking burnt out from doing everything myself / I live with my parents, my brother/girlfriend and my nephew and my other brother, and whenever I’m not working I can’t ever take a shower or get laundry done. And forget about fucking eating here. I also just lost my health insurance and am dealing with that and hoping my medicstion doesnt run out, because this is how fucked I’m feeling now- I cant imagine cold turkeying 5 of my meds?? But yeah 🙃

So I'm a heavy believer in Jesus Christ and God. I do believe that he is real and I practice and spread the word of God every single day in my personal life. I have also recently shared going to church with a friend every week. There are moments where I watch shows that depict God in it and I get very defensive or straight up will not allow myself to watch or hear it. Whether it'd be saying something against God, using his name in vein repeatedly, or anything straight up mocking him. Especially that. There's a game called Animation Throwdown I'm playing and I've enjoyed it a lot. It's a nice time killer and I eventually got up to a point where Jesus himself appears as an enemy and I just said to myself "Oh." Really was not looking forward to that because I know how the shows in it depict God and it's for "comedic" effect and not in a positive light most of the time. It makes me not want to continue playing the game to be honest because I don't want God or Jesus to think that I'm ok with others making fun of them. I would think that the Lord would be angry at me for letting something like that happen or going through with playing the game, so I just haven't. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to get others opinions on this. It's either that or I just uninstall the game.

I've lately stared looking back at my life and noticing some things that might've been considered the 'just right' and religious OCD. Maybe spiritual OCD at some point. I'm also a diagnosed neurodivergent, and GAD recovered person and I came to the realisation that maybe I've had OCD all along, just less severe than it is now. Like it just got lost in the crowd of all the other mental health problems I've been dealing with since I was 5-6 years old. If anyone would want to share some experiences and answer some of my questions regarding what things might've been a symptom of OCD when I was a child I'd be really grateful.

I’m 20 years old and my ocd is really bad. My therapist at an ocd specialty center said that they can’t accept me as a patient in the fall unless I do Roger’s PHP or residential, because from November to April I met with a therapist there who had a supervisor twice a week, and we saw no benefit. When I ask my parents about Roger’s, there are constantly reasons as to why I can’t do it (ex. It’s out of state, I don’t have the money for it and they aren’t paying it, etc.). Even if I had the money for it, they would say they wouldn’t want me using my dads insurance (I don’t have my own insurance plan) to pay for it, and could take me off of their insurance. They are also extremely against me taking a semester off of college to do it. When I say extremely against I mean extremely against. They yell at me and tell me I press too much when I bring it up. They’ve also told me that my situation has affected the family and made people not sleep well, and my dad said he needs to put an used the oxygen mask analogy and said oxygen mask on himself first. I feel like I may just have to deal with the ocd until I graduate in a year and then figure out what to do, but I’d like not to. How do I convince my parents about this when they get so angry about it, and won’t talk to any healthcare providers about it or listen to them?

I am so fucking tired. I feel like I’m literally trapped inside my own head. When I felt anxiety and stress while the thoughts and checking appear it was fine, I mean not exactly fine but at least I knew that I didn’t want that thoughts to be true since I felt so anxious and stuff, but now I don’t feel anxious anymore. I imagined kissing a girl and I think I liked it? I don’t know what I think anymore. I didn’t have any anxiety or it didn’t feel wrong. I mean it didn’t feel right either I didn’t feel butterflies or I wasn’t happy but i wasn’t neutral either? I mean I do think that women are very beautiful, but like in a platonic way, at least I think so, but when I look at men I feel completely neutral, so like maybe I do prefer being with women? I’ve been overthinking all of it for five months now it gotten to the point where I am literally convinced I want to be fr with a girl. I don’t want to want one. I really just want to be straight. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

What in the world is wrong with me? I have passenger anxiety and TERRIFIED of driving/riding down steep hills. It’s crazy. I love looking at mountains and want to go up them, but fear is keeping me on the ground. This phobia is ruining my life and has been the cause of some relationships not surviving. I need help. Not to mention I don’t like people speeding with me in the car. I can’t get on amusement park rides either. I tried them when I was younger and the drop never sat well with me no matter how much I did it. Like I’m too grown to be going through this. I want to travel more on my own, but fear has ruined my adventure bone and I tend to wait on other people schedules just so they can come along. Ugh! I don’t know what to do. I’ve been to therapy and they advise me to watch videos of people diving down hills, then I gradually start doing it. The problem is I’ll just go over hills I’m comfortable with and avoid the scarier ones. 😭😭

I’m in between psychiatrists/therapists rn and I am not yet receiving medication or actual therapy for the OCD itself. I’ve been coping alone this whole time. I can’t avoid situations like when I was a kid anymore… The burden of doing this without telling anyone is so difficult. I explain it to close people and I feel like they don’t care. They don’t have advice for me. Nobody is there to hold my hand… and I’m stuck trapped in my head. I’ve used this app greatly to look for coping skills and I’m only seeing a counselor that’s only familiar with life skills things like making friends or box breathing to cope. Nobody tells you how lonely it feels trying to recover. I’m sure it feels better with someone understanding and rooting for you though. I don’t even understand my own OCD that much and looking at others describing their experiences I’ve realized how much these fears have run my life and made it so hard to live. I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week and I am relieved but I feel like there’s so much ahead. I feel less alone here though. Thanks to all of you. If you have any advice for me in the meantime please let me know. I would *really* appreciate it!!!

I'm in my 30s and only discovered I had OCD when I decided to try therapy half a year ago. As I've been exploring my OCD, it's really started to sink in that so much of who I think of myself as, my personality, my interests, my "story", it's all rooted in my OCD. I felt like there was something different about me ever since I was a kid, and that feeling never stopped growing. I thought maybe I was just unique, thoughtful, "deep", someone that didn't fit in because I was special, an idealist. But it turns out I was just trapped in my head, entertaining a constant barrage of thoughts, doubts, and questions I couldn't answer. Who am I? How does everyone else know who they are? How should I act so people don't dislike me? What would make me a good person? If I'm good will I fit in? What should I study? How should I dress? What will make me happy? Why does the thing that made me happy yesterday not make me happy today? What's the thing that will make me happy everyday? What should I do with every minute of my life? Years went by while I lived in this whirlpool of uncertainty. I suffered quietly. I was often exhausted, and I didn't have the energy or confidence to live to the fullest. I felt like an alien, and that everyone else could tell. I coped with it by always choosing the safest possible action, or what just "felt right" in the face of infinity "I don't knows". I spent most of my time alone, or with my few but precious friends. I was sometimes depressed, but mostly scared. But even though I felt trapped and stuck, time gradually gave me insight. I did learn more about myself. How to be me, and kinda feel good about it. But I feel so incredibly behind too. There's so much I missed out on because I didn't know how to cope with a condition I didn't even know I had. I chose a career out of uncertainty and it's plain as day it's not what I'd choose if I could do it all over. Until now I never even dated. A great step up that I finally started trying, but the slightest mistep hurls me into a rumination sensation. Today in therapy I was just venting about this and that, just the little things, and suddenly these words came out: "I feel like I was robbed". I got more emotional than I've ever been in front of my therapist. She taught me that once we get to a certain point in our recovery, we can't help but grieve. In particular, when you learn to manage it. When you finally know some peace, and you realize that peace is just what's normal for everyone else. I hope to know some more peace, and make up for what was lost. Maybe make what could have been, what is.

I’ve been battling my mind since October 13th 2011. Since I was 17 years old. I am now 32 years old and I’m embarrassed that it took this long to be properly diagnosed. Even though I’ve tried to find answers for years. Answer through science, medicine and church. I just finally realized last year in August 2025 that I had False Memory OCD. After years of multiple therapists, trying medications. Anways, I hate my subtype because it is false memory OCD. It’s the most vicious of them all for me because it involves harm OCD. This got reignited after my great grandmother passed away with me in January 2022, she was 89 years old . I started to detach from reality after weeks of dealing with her death and my family and I planning her funeral. I started to detach from reality and I accused myself of smothering her with a pillow. Because I just could not understand why and how she would pass away with me out of all people. Even though all the signs of her transitioning naturally were there. I couldn’t believe or accept it. I started to have nightmares that I miraculously smothered her. I loved her, I can’t even remember getting disciplined a lot as a child. She also never bothered me as an adult either. I would have to make her leave the house to go grocery shopping. We were thick as thieves ! It took me quite a few episodes to realize, my memory of her death was false ! A year later, my childhood boyfriend grandmother died in 2023 when she was like 94 years old . I was nowhere near her death or near her years prior to her death either . I had not been around her since 2016 when I was 22 years old . But in 2024, I seen him and I started having a plethora of intrusive thoughts and sadly intrusive images. I’ve been currently battling and thinking about times I’ve been alone with his grandmother overnight ( even when he was not around ). His grandmother would beg me to spend a night with her and I could never tell her no even though him and I were not together anymore. My mind went as far as convincing me that I poisoned one of her bottled water in her refrigerator, with a little house hold bleach. Let me remind you, I never cooked for his grandmother , I never cleaned their home or anything. She moved around really well back in 2016. It’s like my mind, is creating a space where, I get out of bed in her guest room, sneak in her kitchen in the middle of the night. And take a jug of bleach ( from I don’t know where because I’m unsure where they would keep it ) maybe under the kitchen sink. And I grab an already cold bottle of water , and I add bleach to it and place it in the refrigerator. My mind is like.. maybe the bleach ate through her organs , cause lung and blood challenges. Then that’s how she dies 7 years later ? I hate it so much because I would never desire to harm anyone. But I worry. Am I sick and evil OR am I mentally ill ? No negative thoughts come to mind when humans are in my presence. But it can be 10 years later, my false memory will have me doubt memories and it will create intrusively. I’ve already tried to do right by everyone I come in contact with. I don’t have children yet. But I’ve been a care giver to almost everyone in my life from raising others children and taking care of elders. But what if I’m not the person that I say that I am ? I worry about being a monster in plain sight. I don’t want to lose this battle. I’ve fought so hard to be alive and exist. Nothing has seemed to work. What if these things are true.

alright yall, this might be a long one. me and my ex boyfriend have broken up 2 times now. this most recent time he moved to my town to be closer to me and slowly proved himself to me. one night however, he went up on a mountain and didn’t tell me anything about what he was doing which was weird because he usually tells me everything. he also does have a little bit of ocd. anyways, i got very angry and frustrated and ended up yelling at him. after that fight it feels like he has pulled away. he started smoking again everyday which is not good for him because it makes him foggy and just not really care about much including me. we have had conversations since this fight about how he doesn’t know what he wants from me anymore and that hurts considering we have been trying to figure things out for months now. flash forward to these past two weeks. he keeps giving off mixed signals and acting weird. he hangs out with this guy every single day (they smoke together) and it makes me anxious and overthink everything because this guy is also gay. he’s not his type in any way but he has told me that his friend “is an attractive young man and has a really kind heart”. he has also told me that he loves that i don’t smoke or drink so it’s just out of character for him to be doing anything with this guy. all while he’s been telling me that he thinks that things between me and him are going to be okay. i’m scared that he’s lying and doesn’t want to fix things like he says he does. he goes camping with this guy, sees him on his break at work, and constantly texts him when we are together. all i want is him and to fix things between us but it’s hard because it’s almost like he just won’t let me. he says he wants me to tell him everything i’m thinking and feelings since it’s an issue we have ran into in the past, and i’ve gotten better at it. the things that bothers me is the fact that i’m working so hard on myself but it feels like he isn’t seeing it. he says he is, but then goes and hangs out with his friend instead of me. also side note, i went through his phone one night (i know i shouldn’t have) and found out he was on grindr. that’s where he met his friend instead when i confronted him about it he said he was just making sure that i wasn’t on there. i don’t know if i fully believe him. anyways, sorry for the long post. these past few weeks have been rough.

Hello everyone, over the past few months, I have been realizing how much I have screwed myself over by trying to pretend like I don't have a disorder. I am going to be moving and I might actually check myself in for therapy for my almost inevitable spike in OCD anxiety during that. Anyways, I have been trying to let myself realize that the weeks I spent on the couch trying to distract myself obsessively all day on my phone while terrified, the days of almost nonstop googling (one day I did it for 16 hours, my falling behind in school because I was doing googling compulsions instead of homework, the times I would sneak off into the bathroom at work, school, vacation, etc for 30 minute chunks and have at least small panic attacks and google, the 10 pounds I lost in a matter of weeks because of stress, when I didn't feel peace for months, and so much more were not normal. I took the Y-BOCS test online and even while underreporting my very symptoms slightly, I got a 32 which put me in the most severe category possible. The thing is I can't seem to fully allow myself to believe that I had it severely. I went to the office where I was in therapy for a bit. Back then, I got up the courage to go to therapy, but once I got there, I was only able to tell them some of my issues that felt less scary to tall about. I severely underreported. I also hated feeling broken, and I would always significantly downplay the effect of the disorder on my life. I just looked at my chart, and even though I know that I heavily downplayed my symptoms so much there, I saw my chart say that my symptoms were moderate and I can't get that out of my head. It is not like I want to have this disorder. I hate it, but it would be nice to see on paper some professional validation that I'm not just overreacting. That is not to say that moderate ocd isn't bat either. When my symptoms were lower I hated it as well. I just would like to see some external professional validation that the times that I became quite dysfunctional were not without reason. I know that not having this is my doing though because I hid it.

Just got my heart broken today, and I’m not sure how I can handle this. I cannot take it anymore, first my themes and now this. This is too painful :(

I've been going through hell for months and months. Recently diagnosed with BPD, suspected OCD that kind of switches between Real Event and Relationship focused, but of course also I doubt whether I have OCD at all and the relationship focused stuff is actually "my gut" or "my subconscious" or whatever. Started Prozac a few months ago. For the past few days, I've actually been feeling really good. Less rumination, less drive to "figure out" the questions and doubts that pop into my head. Less desire to "investigate" my thoughts and waht they mean. A bit less "testing" of my feelings as well. So I was so happy, because I felt better just in time for my birthday! Like yesterday, I felt pretty consistently ok and almost had the feeling that maybe I do know myself, maybe I can trust myself to know what I want. But today is my birthday, and I feel a bit worse than yesterday :( My gf took me on a surprise little sailboat tour, and it was so fun and I had a good time and I am so grateful, but I could feel that sense of uneasiness taking me out of the moment a bit. The worries about all of the things I have thought and doubted in the last few months, and even if everything gets better, I don't know how to deal with the fact that I got to the place where I was questioning the things I was questioning and doubting my relationship so much. Do I feel a bit worse because it's my birthday and there is some "pressure" to be present and have a good day? Just wanted to know if anyone else could relate. I really want to be able to just let go and enjoy the rest of my bday with my gf. She is so amazing, and she's taking me to a surprise dinner and I really just want to fully be in the moment, no matter what! Once again, I doubt my OCD diagnosis especially since my decade relationship has been through so much shit due to me being a bad person and very dependent. I am trying to learn how to love my girlfriend more healthily and selflessly, and the change/growth can be a bit destabalizing. So I'm sorry if I shouldn't post about ROCD stuff if I'm not 100% on a diagnosis, I just relate a lot to the community

Today i dont know what hit me i just deleted it removed everything like i was getting too much dependent on it i was sharing more there than actual people because i am very inexpressive irl .. i feel really really uncomfortable and have this weird feeling because i used get all the reassurance and literally everything from there like i would share my thoughts and everything basically .. does anyone else has ever done it? Like idk how to explain this feeling but i feel lonely ik its bad very bad but it kind of gave me a space where i could just put my thoughts and vent out which i wasn’t able to do irl

Well,as the title says,I have real event ocd over online activities I already deleted that no longer aline with my values or that I realized if someone sees their perception of me might change the same way it did for me to realize my behaviours were pretty much "not normal".I had a pretty bad flare up last night and ended up confessing in a reddit sub,no one offered reassurance because i clarified i had ocd and possibly shouldn't be doing that and a person who also had OCD gave me some advice on what to do along with what seems to be an official account from NOCD on reddit,wich I appreciate very much,since I can't really afford therapy specialized in OCD 🤕. The thing is I've been pretty paranoid abt people close to me finding out,no one knows abt the reddit account I made but even then I realized i committed the mistake of naming it as any other account of mine,and I can't change the name,along with that,I had a pretty vivid dream of uploading a story to a platform out of boredom and someonr investigating on me and finding out my deleted internet data,wich has made me wonder if I should tell my friends abt my real event just so " They are aware and im not trying to fool them" because honestly the dream made me pretty scared and I think I would rather them to find out from me than from any other person,but at the same time i feel pretty unsure abt doing it because of the uncertainty+ its pretty much reassurance seeking as I have realized that the way I have wanted to approach this topic is the typical "what would you do if someone you knew did this and you had not know". I know this might be flagged as reassurance seeking too sigh but I just wanted to let it out in this account,I won't delete my reddit account as I have been learning to use it and found many communities besides the OCD recovery ones and mental health support that are great and have found many new hobbies i might want to try,so I figured to post this here because I don't feel like leaving any more " proof" of me trying to hide as the "" terrible person"" i may or may not be in the eyes of another+ mine as I have realized that im pretty dependant on what others think of me and it affects me more than I see some other people be affected by it.But meanwhile,im trying to work on the feeling of constant doom and fear of someone just going into the internet as soon as something I do goes slightly viral and exposes me because in my mind this person who could be absolutely ANYONE can have access to data centers and things people have deleted years ago and even knowign what they saw and with what intentions!! I guess its a little bit magical thinking in that sense,but at the same time it feels both super real and like something that its meant to happen and that I have to prepare my friends for (even tho I don't even think i will ever get that much attention as stories and anything you upload to the interner are just viral for a day or two before no one remembered it unless you are EXTREMELY SUCCESFULL on getting people to remain engaged)

Has anyone ever used Fluvoxamine for OCD? Did it cause massive sleep onset insomnia? I've only been on 25mg for 3 weeks, and it's working wonders for my retroactive jealousy, but the insomnia it's causing is almost worse than the ruminating thoughts. I've tried taking it at all different times of the day, with countless sleep aids, but I cannot consistently fall asleep.

Hi everyone, I don’t post on here very often because I’m honestly scared of sharing my thoughts. I’m afraid people won’t relate, will think I’m weird, or even think I’m a bad person. This year I’ve really been trying to get better. My psychiatrist and I finally figured out that what I’ve been dealing with is OCD. I’ve started medication, and it has been helping a little, but I’m still trying to understand how my OCD works. One thing I struggle with is that my brain makes really strange connections. For example, if I hear someone say something like, “Have they gotten their life together?” my brain immediately turns it inward. Suddenly I’m questioning everything. Am I doing enough?,Am I failing?,Am I a bad person?,Am I behind everyone else? It feels like my brain takes one comment that wasn’t even about me and turns it into a judgment about who I am. When that happens, I spiral into feeling hopeless and depressed, and all I want to do is stay in bed because everything feels pointless. I’ve also noticed another type of thought. My grandmother was talking about a family member who passed away before I was born and who had really hurt her. My OCD immediately came up with the thought, “What if I’m the reincarnation of that person? What if I’m actually bad?” Even writing that feels embarrassing because I know it sounds irrational, but the thought still feels so real when it happens. Another thing I struggle with is weighing myself every single day because my brain has connected my weight to my self-worth. I’m trying to work on that too. On the positive side, I have been making progress with taking care of myself. I’ve been doing better with showering, brushing my teeth, washing my face, and consistently eating breakfast and dinner. I’m proud of those improvements, even if they seem small. I guess I’m posting because I’m wondering if anyone else experiences OCD making bizarre connections like this. I know reassurance isn’t the answer, but it would help to know I’m not the only person whose OCD creates these kinds of stories. Thank you for reading. I hope you’re all doing well, and please stay safe. 🧡