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it’s like i’ve completely changed genders and minds and it’s so sad.

TL;DR I (early 20s F) have been in a 2-year relationship with a woman (mid-30s) who is still legally married, lives with her ex, and has a highly complicated shared life structure with them. The relationship has been emotionally intense, largely hidden, and unstable, and has significantly affected my mental health, contributing to OCD and severe depression. I also have OCD that worsens relationship uncertainty, and we’ve had repeated breakups and reconciliations. I’m now trying to figure out if this relationship is realistically sustainable or if I’m stuck in something that can’t work. Long version Throwaway account for privacy reasons. I’m looking for outside perspective on a complicated relationship situation. I (early 20s, female) have been in a relationship for about two years with my partner (mid-30s, female). We met online and became close quickly, and started dating shortly after. At the time I met her, my mental health was relatively stable. After entering this relationship, my mental health changed significantly. I developed severe anxiety patterns and was later diagnosed with OCD. My symptoms are strongly centered around relationship uncertainty, trust, and fear of abandonment. I also feel the emotional instability in this situation contributed to one of the most difficult periods of my life, including episodes of severe depression. From early on, the situation around her living and relationship status was complex and not fully clear to me. I was told she still lives with her ex due to ongoing commitments. Over time, I discovered additional details gradually, including that they are still legally married. Their situation is complicated: they still live together, remain legally married, and have ongoing shared responsibilities and family ties. While they are no longer romantically or sexually involved (as I understand it), their lives are still deeply interconnected for financial, legal, and personal reasons. There is a significant age gap between us, which I feel has also contributed to differences in expectations and understanding of relationship structures. I have never met her ex or her family due to the complexity of the situation and emotional boundaries. People around her are not directly told about our relationship, but most likely infer it. It is generally not openly discussed, mainly because she is afraid of how it could affect her marriage and existing commitments. Her ex, as far as I know, has been generally supportive of our situation. Because of this, our relationship has mostly existed in a private and somewhat hidden form. I do not visit her home and have avoided situations where my role would be unclear. Over time, this situation has created significant emotional strain for me. My OCD and anxiety are strongly tied to relationship uncertainty, leading to intrusive thoughts, doubt, and reassurance-seeking cycles. I am currently receiving help for my mental health and actively trying to manage this. At the same time, my partner has had her own mental health struggles, especially early in the relationship, including trust and control-related issues that affected communication. Combined with my own worsening anxiety, this has created a cycle where both of us have been impacted by each other’s mental health. There has also been a repeated cycle of breakups and reconciliations, often triggered by my anxiety spirals and inability to cope, followed by reconnection. This pattern has become emotionally exhausting for both of us. We are currently not in contact after a recent breakup, as she has said the cycle is no longer sustainable. At this point, I’m trying to understand the situation from an outside perspective and separate anxiety-driven thoughts from realistic concerns about the relationship structure itself. Does this kind of relationship structure realistically work in a healthy long-term way, or is the ongoing instability and breakup cycle itself a sign that it isn’t sustainable regardless of feelings? And how do I distinguish OCD-driven anxiety from valid concerns about the situation?

I saw online that children who committed deviant behavior can’t be rehabilitated. When I was younger, probably up until age 14 to 15, I did some things. I’m not proud of due to trauma, my environment, and people and other kids doing the same behavior to me. I repeated a lot of things I wouldn’t do now and I’m worried that I’m someone who can’t be rehabilitated. I don’t do anything wrong , like those things I did back then, but I worry with the TikTok said. I worry that my past defines who I’m supposed to be as an adult. The TikTok meant children who were actual predators, but some of the things I did as a kid could be seen as that or just very, very weird and gross :( i can’t stop thinking about this

I am at a really stressful period in my life right now, and usually that tends to bring some pretty nasty OCD stuff to the forefront. When I was around 12 or so (also a really intense and stressful period for me) I had this thing where I was super afraid that I had gotten splinters from this little cactus I had in my room and would tear my fingers up with nail clippers and needles looking for them because I was afraid of getting an infection that would lead to getting my hand amputated. I was able to get a hold on it back then and haven’t dealt with that in a while (probably because I don’t keep house plants anymore, I tend to avoid things that might trigger me which is probably a bad thing but that can be analyzed another day). It’s been ten years since then and that obsession came back the other day. I went morel mushroom hunting with my brother and actually had a lot of fun, but I stuck myself on a thorn and started obsessing about splinters again. I was able to keep it at bay for a whole day but the next day I ended up taking tweezers, clippers, and needles to my finger on and off. My external stressors got worse and I had a huge breakdown in the evening where I was digging and digging and digging with the needles. I kept thinking about infection and how I would have to get my hand amputated. It was on my right hand, which is my dominant one, so I kept thinking about how hard life would be without it. I really like writing and I was spiraling about how I’d never be able to do it again. I couldn’t stop digging until I had cried myself into exhaustion. I actually do think I might’ve had a splinter but I don’t think that really matters because I realized there will always be a splinter and I will never dig deep enough to find it. I went back at it the next morning but finally stopped myself when I felt like I got the splinter. But then I started worrying I had another one on my other finger. That was yesterday. I’ve been wearing band aids on my fingers so that I don’t have to look at them because if I look I’m going to start digging again. And I’m afraid if I spiral worse, I am going to cut my finger open fully. I almost did the other night but stopped myself thinking of infection and nerve damage (so I guess the OCD was helpful? lol). I know the bandaids are a crutch but I’m afraid I’m going to hurt myself (not with the intention to hurt myself, just with the intention of getting the splinters out). My brother asked me to go mushroom hunting with him again this morning and I had to say no even though I wanted to. I was too afraid I would get stuck again and the whole cycle would repeat. I’m just really, really frustrated with myself. I haven’t had an issue this bad in almost two years and I feel like I’ve regressed. I feel like I’m 12 again. I’m so mad at myself for digging and I’m so mad at myself for refusing to do something I liked just because I’m scared. I guess I don’t really know where I am going with this post, maybe just venting. If you’ve dealt with this or something similar, let me know how you have been able to get over that fear or to stop yourself from acting on the compulsion to dig. Thanks everyone

Maybe OCD related, maybe not. Recently I’ve been feeling very out of control of my emotions. Specifically I’ve been experiencing intense anger and rage over the smallest things and it’s been very overwhelming. I had the same experience start at about 4-5 month postpartum after my son was born and now I’m 5 months postpartum with my daughter and it’s happening again. That was a very dark time for me and I’m scared to go there again. I don’t know if it’s my ocd flaring up or if it’s hormonal shifts or something else. Has anyone else experienced this? What helped you? I feel guilty that I’m not parenting from my values, but from a place of emotional dysregulation. Thanks in advance 🙏🩷

I'm a Christian and I have OCD. Scrupulosity developed when I was not healed from OCD. OCD has caused my to doubt if I really have faith and also fear of dying. Can anyone else relate? What exposures have you done to deal with this and what success have you had. Thanks.

For context I’m a 19 year old bisexual and have been with my girlfriend since January and absolutely adore her. I struggle a lot with my mental health (OCD) and anxiety (as well as suspected autism) which my girlfriend is fully aware of but wanted to come on here as not to burden her if I’m just over thinking- which I suspect I am. A few days ago I messaged someone I had previously been talking to romantically before meeting my girlfriend but had since blocked on Insta in order to get some drugs (bad idea Ik and I didn’t end up getting any). He expressed that he still found me attractive but I made it explicitly clear that I wasn’t interested in him and would only see him to pick them up. I didn’t end up seeing him in the end but even if I did I wouldn’t have done anything. I told my girlfriend about how I was stressed and that’s why I wanted to pick up the drugs but she doesn’t know that I was supposed to be picking them up from a guy I had previously been talking to. I think I have such a fear of losing her and being a good girlfriend that I want to be perfect for her so now I feel like I’ve done something wrong even tho I haven’t said anything to him that I wouldn’t say in front of her- it was strictly “can you hook me up with this substance and I’m still with my girlfriend and completely uninterested in you” to which he understood. I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve done something wrong in me and my girlfriend’s relationship even though I know logically I haven’t. I don’t want to tell her and cause any unnecessary worry but a part of me also wants to just to be transparent but I feel like that would be seeking validation which I know is wrong to do for OCD. My girlfriend also knows I’ve been feeling down for the last week so ordered a bouquet of flowers to my house (she’s so sweet)- which has for some reason made me feel worse and like I have definitely cheated and don’t deserve her. Any comments are welcome. Thank you if you made it to the end of my rant❤️

I want to face my fear of flying and fly this July (take my kids to Hawaii for the first time) but I haven’t bought any tickets to go anywhere because of my anxiety and OCD. I am so worried something bad will happen and I keep getting bad images about the plane crashing. Last time I flew was like 2-3 years ago and I flew for 2 hrs and it was the worst anxiety. I was sweating, couldn’t sit in peace and said so many prayers to God asking him to forgive me of my sins because I was convinced I would die that day. My therapist gave me some homework and is helping me through ERP. My exercise yesterday was to go to airport to look at planes. I went to In-N-Out that next to LAX to watch planes land. I was so triggered and anxious as we were getting close and I started to get flashbacks of my last flight. I held back my tears as I watched the planes. It really triggered me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to show my fear to my kids because I’m the adult and I should be the one to make them feel safe. I couldn’t sleep last night just thinking about it

I just hope someone finds the time to respond... I genuinely feel so lost right now... UPDATE: My ex and I broke up nearly 3 weeks ago... so... the girlfriend thing is outdated... and I'm so exhausted... plus I got assaulted at my job as a caretaker by a member, my supervisor wants to fire me and constantly talks behind my back, and i have no one close who i can talk to... today I turned in my notice... my supervisor said "fantastic" and "talk to you later" in a clearly sarcastic and vindictive manner... im struggling with a lot... yesterday was my last day... and... everything feels... just... wrong... With my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ graphic HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards kids or teens in any way... 😭😭😭 And I keep getting intrusive thoughts of calling the 14-15 year old "cute" with her saying "thanks" on text... I genuinely find this so awful and disgusting...

Hey guys! I am very new to this site and very new to OCD (I was only diagnosed a week ago) but now I’m starting to realize it has severely impacted my life for the last three years. I’ve been getting progressively worse for the last six months and absolutely spiraling for the last week. I’m constantly disassociating and so scared all of the time. I’m literally terrified that it’s never going to get any better. I’ve been prescribed Prozac (please don’t scare me) but I’m terrified it’s going to make things worse…I haven’t been able to attend school or work, I haven’t been able to eat or shower or get out of bed. I’m so exhausted and so scared. I just want things to get better. Please please tell me your positive stories or offer some words of encouragement, even if you’ve only just started treatment. Thank you guys.

Hi everyone, this is my first time on this app but I wanted to download it to see about OCD because I think I may have it (and I don’t want to be like those self diagnosed people on TikTok who are annoying so if I am please let me know! I have no intentions of being offensive I just want to know what is wrong with me). For preface I am 17 female. I frequently have horrible thoughts. For one example, I think to myself if this thing happens (say I flip a coin) and it does this thing (say it lands on heads) I think to myself that I HAVE to kill myself, or hurt myself, or something bad will happen to my family or loved ones. I don’t think about it on purpose but it just happens and I have an extremely strong sense of needing to do that thing if something happens. I also have really violent disturbing thoughts, and !TRIGGER WARNING!, sometimes these thoughts include torturing my siblings (extremely vividly picturing it), killing people, hurting animals, or sometimes even incest or being a victim of a horrible crime like rape by my family. I DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN! I swear I’m not a horrible person (at least I think I’m not) but I think about these things and I WOULDN’T EVEN HURT A FLY, so I don’t even know why I would think of these things. Also I worry sometimes if I’m a pedophile or attracted to animals, WHICH I AM NOT I SWEAR!!! But I always worry and think about it. It haunts me that I’m capable of thinking of such things, and if I can think about it I’m worried that I most certainly can do it. Does anyone have any advice? Does this sound like OCD or am I just a horrible psychopath?! When I hear of OCD, I only hear about the cleaning and organizing, never any of what I think or feel, and it makes me terrified that I’m a horrible person or a sociopath or psychopath (idk if that’s offensive to say if it is I apologize) I apologize for the long post and upsetting content. It’s my first time on here so if I’m doing anything wrong please let me know, I want to be respectful. Also once again, I promise, I would never hurt a fly or act on my heinous thoughts, but they haunt me. Thank you for reading and your time.

I’m new to all of this, but can someone please tell me how you stay active in life with all these crazy thoughts and images in your mind. I can’t even function at this point.

Hi, I’m pretty sure I have OCD and I’ve felt this way for a few years now, but I’ve been avoiding getting help. I’m really struggling with telling my parents. When I’ve felt bad before, it’s often been seen as me just being moody or “ruining the mood”, so I’m scared they won’t take this seriously either. I don’t just want to tell them, I want to ask for help, but I don’t know how to say it in a way that they would understand. Lately I have felt like I’m running out of energy and I can’t carry this on my own anymore. How did you tell your parents, and what helped you actually ask for help?

How to I take correction as a Christian without spiraling?

I already deal with having harm ocd towards people I love dearly.. but now it’s starting to involve God, which is super upsetting and pushing me away from him. I already have thoughts about hurting others and now I’m having thoughts that are “what if it’s God telling me to hurt others” or “God wants you to kill someone.” Even though I KNOW Jesus and our lord would NEVER ask that or want that, it’s literally in the 10 commandments. It’s so frustrating and genuinely is starting to agitate me and make me anxious even though I know deep down that isn’t true.. does any one else struggle with this or should I seek mental help? Please be honest.

18+ i know sting operations dont use actual children but idk if it was an intrusive thought or i actually believe “oh its not a real kid” or “they arent that young” i feel so disgusting writing this out bc i dont actually believe it i wish those operations would go down more to have protected me from predators online too so i dont actually believe it but i dont know if me rationalizing it was some compulsion because i fear im like the offender or just a hyperspecific intrusive thought. the latter would definitely be preferable but im so scared rn

I just needed a place to vent without feeling judged. I never thought I would post in here, but here we are. I’ve been having this awful false memory this week. It’s about an “event” that I made in solitude, that implied indirect harm to loved ones. I know it’s a false memory. And I know it, because the last year I had this exact damn false memory, with just slight variations like the person I “harmed” and the content of the memory. I have understood that OCD can recycle past obsessions, like this one. And however… it just feels so damn real. OCD just keeps replaying the false event over and over and over and over to the point I sometimes even believe it, even when I know it’s not true. I researched for evidence that I never did that, Iooked for reassurance, I mental reviewed, I made EVERY SINGLE COMPULSION I made the last year when this exact obsession appeared, and guess what? NOTHING. There was NOTHING. And yet, OCD keeps projecting this intrusive images, this feelings, this guilt, this nausea, this pain and fear that all this that feels so real might be real, even knowing that is not… It’s just awful. Living like this, trying to do your daily life without confessing something you’ve never done, without trying to prove yourself you never did something that you already know. I’m just tired. I can’t even talk to the person that this obsession is telling me I harmed, because of shame, disgust, guilt and hate on myself. I’m sorry if you read this and felt disgusted or something, I just needed where to throw all this

My mind is trying to convince me I’m attracted to my boyfriend’s brother, because he tells me his relationship problems and him and his mom ask for my input. And I tried getting close to him when me and my bf was talking at first, so I could have a better shot?? I guess but I never really spoke to him, and I sit near him and class and sometimes I wanna speak to him, but it feels so like gross? Like it makes my chest feel weird? and sometimes I run into him and I just walk around him or kinda avoid him tbh..? Like idk. And when he’s around I sometimes get annoyed. Like my bf has done things where I’ve been like errrrr yeahhh…. But his brother gives me a terrible ick. Like. This is worrying me sm. Please someone help me 💔💔💔. And I never really noticed him until me and my bf got tg, and my minds like “u said u want him and his gf to break up blah blah” and my memory is literally trying to tell me I did that. But I do not remember it at all. But please advise anyone.and I got told he apparently said my name during s*x which is extremely weird. And when I seen him talking to another girl I felt like a gross jealousy? But I have no reason to be jealous??? Please advice anyone

I just hope someone finds the time to respond... I genuinely feel so lost right now... UPDATE: My ex and I broke up nearly 3 weeks ago... so... the girlfriend thing is outdated... and I'm so exhausted... plus I got assaulted at my job as a caretaker by a member, my supervisor wants to fire me and constantly talks behind my back, and i have no one close who i can talk to... today I turned in my notice... my supervisor said "fantastic" and "talk to you later" in a clearly sarcastic and vindictive manner... im struggling with a lot... yesterday was my last day... and... everything feels... just... wrong... With my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ graphic HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards kids or teens in any way... 😭😭😭 And I keep getting intrusive thoughts of calling the 14-15 year old "cute" with her saying "thanks" on text... I genuinely find this so awful and disgusting...

I have had these since I was a child, and I believe it falls under the category of “pure O” OCD. What happens is I’ll be minding my business, when all of a sudden a memory pops into my head completely involuntarily (usually, it’s a memory of a time I messed up socially or morally), and I have a physical reaction as if I stubbed my toe. Then I either try to distract myself and push it away, replay it endlessly, looking at it from different angles, or ask for reassurance from my partner. I’m wondering… Does anyone else experience this? Have you found anything that helps? Also, what does ERP look like for you with a mostly mental compulsion? Edit: I originally learned this term from a video called “Cringe Attacks” on YouTube, posted by danielhowell in 2013. If this concept resonates with you, I recommend checking out the video!