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I’m now fearing that my last post may have been too much. now I’m back to ruminating.

I don’t want my God to be my belly. I don’t want food or have control over my life but always seem to give in idk how much to restrict or is it a sin to eat everytime I’m hungry maybe I’m snacking too much even if it’s healthy and I lack self control. I hate it. Then saw a tik tok post yesterday and then today one was on Facebook and I just need to pray and listen and just listen for once. like idk why I love to eat and get excited abt different foods and treats like bro. Should I just go to work and not eat all day until I get home I just don’t know. Like it’s to fuel us and give us energy not just always think abt it and wait for the next time you can eat it’s annoying I wish I could just think normal and that’s probs why I spiral cuz it’s true and idk how to fix it but stick in the same cycle cuz I don’t want to or don’t know how. And in such a planner like I gotta know so I can schedule for the day and stuff and in every aspect of my life, I just have to plan

Anxiety high Rocd rlly bad and now I’m just convinced me and my bf aren’t gonn stay together or j don’t deserve it , and that what if he’s not the one like it’s rlly bugging me rlly bad I have so much anxiety rn

How can someone with ROCD get engaged/married when they want to be 100% about their partner, but can’t be. I understand OCD wants us to have 100% certainty, and I understand we can’t fully achieve that. That stresses me out because I want to marry someone I’ll be with forever, and not have to worry about “what if I married the wrong person” and so on. When it comes to my girlfriend of 4 years, I don’t know how to differentiate between general relationship concerns/doubts and concerns/doubts that stem from OCD. I want to be married someday, but it worries me that I have the doubts that it could be the wrong person/relationship due to a lack of excitement and becoming complacent, and I don’t know if it is coming from my OCD or if it’s a general relationship concern. Does anyone have experience or advice on this situation?

a lot of really stressful stuff has been happening in my life lately, but even though they’re becoming more manageable and within my usual limits, it’s as if i can’t turn my nervous system off, and every day is a major challenge full of high anxiety, crying, and an apparent inability to do anything about it. if you want the full context for what i’m about to vent about, the first post on my profile has the full story. but if you don’t, tldr: after over half a month of extreme stress involving my mom’s ongoing chronic illnesses (both mental and physical), her abusive behaviors, and my dad undergoing shoulder surgery, two things have happened. 1) my mom’s been diagnosed with kidney stones, and 2) i have been entirely unable to reel myself back in after my most recent episode, and it’s scaring me. to give some additional context for anyone reading this who didn’t read my original post, my health concern ocd is mainly about contracting contagious diseases, so my mom’s recent kidney issues and their symptoms (including the one’s she’s experiencing now and the ones she could begin to experience at any moment—which have actually gone on for years, but have been flaring up more frequently since february) being confirmed as stones should, in theory, be relieving to me, right? well, wrong, i guess, and it’s been terrifying feeling so out of control. just being in the house with her is a trigger. i mean, it’s a lot better when she’s awake and i can check and see that she’s alright (which is another compulsion i’ve been trying and failing to tackle—i’ll talk about that in a second), but recently, she’s begun to sleep all day until the evening, likely due to a combination of her current chronic health issues and an inability to sleep at night, and that’s been a complete nightmare for me. and, like… it’s strange! it’s honestly even terrifying! because i know for a fact that she is, in terms of contagious diseases, clean—even by ocd standards, because i’ve done excessive research into incubation periods and symptoms and all that jazz—and yet, it’s as if something inside of me has broken, and i can no longer return to normalcy, even though i know and hope and beg that that can’t be true. like, i feel pretty frenzied. even the simplest tasks are sometimes overwhelming. i often have to try (and fail) to sleep to calm down at least somewhat. even writing this had to wait until now because i’ve been so wound up and easily overwhelmed all day. what’s worse is that i’ve been wanting so desperately to try and distance myself from my mom, to stop checking on her, to live my life for myself even though we’re living in the same house, but it feels impossible when i’m unsure how she’s doing because she’s asleep, or because i’m trying (and eventually failing… r.i.p.) to resist the temptation to check on her. after all of that, though, i think tonight i’m finally beginning to realize something, and it’s really silly, because i feel like i should have known it sooner: i think my contamination ocd is illogical. which, like, of course it is. all ocd is. that’s the nature of the disorder. but the thing is, i used to be able to use, like, logic chains to talk myself out of spirals, which… sounds pretentious, yeah, but they were definitely flawed. but, like, at least i could still, y’know, do it. like, i could calm myself down. but that ability is just not there anymore, and this recent episode has been especially terrible as a result. however, all that said, i think i have a few theories as to why it’s been like this, which… i guess could be used as actionable hypotheses for potential treatment and coping mechanisms. here they are: a) the “logic” i used to calm myself before could have been ocd compulsions and/or ruminations that i didn’t realize, and no longer work for obvious ocd-being-ocd reasons. b) my contamination ocd isn’t just about literal, physical contamination, but a more magical feeling of… presence? emotional contamination? i’m unsure of the exact term, but something like that. c) i could have ptsd (c-ptsd? i don’t know) from seeing my mom get sick so many times in the past and having those intense, all-consuming contamination fears, and it’s contributing to (and complicating) my current ocd-related anxieties. d) the first half of this month (and some months prior, but that’s a story for another day) has been a traumatic time for me. that is to say, i think i have contamination ocd in more magical thinking-y ways than i previously thought, and with the addition of current and past traumas regarding my mother’s various mental and physical health issues… good lord. i’m sure y’all can relate. my condolences to anyone more experienced with this. it’s terrible. like, god, it’s been absolutely horrible to live with. i wouldn’t even call it living; more like droning. but i try to, at least! the new tomodachi life has been a nice distraction when i can handle it, and long youtube videos provide some comfort, but sometimes, during the day, i feel utterly consumed by terror, and can do little more than lay down and try to rest my mind. it feels like i can’t (or shouldn’t) do my usual routines or get into games anymore. and intrusive thoughts that i didn’t even realize were intrusive thoughts don’t stop coming—images of my mom appearing more and more sweaty and nauseous and short of breath. and i get these intense, intangible feelings that i can now describe as feeling contaminated, like the feeling that walking down or across the hall will expose me to contaminated air. these feelings are why i check on my mom in the first place; to see if she’s polluting the environment with bad germs or vibes or whatever else it is that my brain thinks she’s exuding. my emotions go haywire, too! sometimes when i watch a video, it’s as if the smallest detail might cause me to hyperventilate, related or not to my current anxieties. anyway, i guess i don’t have much more to say, except that i’m just really kind of going through it, and that i need some tips and advice as someone dealing with a relatively new form of contamination ocd for me on top of what’s already been there for years. anything you think might help me would be good! even the most basic of suggestions help. and if you have advice that may help me in regards to what i theorized could be happening, that’d be especially awesome. thank you to whoever reads all of this! it means more than you know.

I seen a video of a therapist talk about the difference with pocd and actual p, she said p’s might not like the fact that they are attracted to children but can’t help it. I’m scared that’s me, how am I supposed to know the difference when my mind convinces me that I do want the thoughts..I was always able to be around kids and never had taboo thoughts until I had a thought at 17 and it hasn’t gone away. I do panic, but seeing what she said makes me question it more😭

what if it was only anxiety and silly habits? or what if i was in denial the whole time and repressing and that’s my cover up?

Hi, First post here. I'm just wondering if anyone has had success with ERP, specifically if you have health/death related OCD and not really any physical compulsions? Mine are mental- mainly checking and seeking reassurance. I just started with NOCD (second session today) so I haven't started the ERP yet, and I guess I'm just curious how it will work in my case. My fear/obsession is underlying illnesses/death for myself too but mainly my children. So here's a real example from the past: 1. I saw a normal small bruise on my child (from the playground I'm sure) 2. Ask what happened and she said she doesn't know 3. I start worrying/obsessing over what if it's something like cancer, checking the bruise often to see if anything changes, looking online to try to compare bruises and reassure myself about what it is. This happens until it goes away and then it will be something different the next time. The thing is, I know that ERP is supposed to target the compulsions but for me, the worrying/ruminating is the worst part of it. Will that get better? I can't say this for sure, but it *feels* like stopping the compulsion of googling/checking can be done somewhat easily, I just am wondering if I will ever stop the worrying/obsessing and what if's. I know I will still have those what if thoughts at times of course, but the ERP can help me ignore it basically instead of letting it consume me??

PLEASE SOMEONE RESPOND... PLEASE... I NEED YOUR HELP... UPDATE: My ex and I broke up nearly 3 weeks ago... so... the girlfriend thing is outdated... and I'm so exhausted... plus I got assaulted at my job as a caretaker by a member, my supervisor wants to fire me and constantly talks behind my back, and i have no one close who i can talk to... today I turned in my notice... my supervisor said "fantastic" and "talk to you later" in a clearly sarcastic and vindictive manner... im struggling with a lot... yesterday was my last day... and... everything feels... just... wrong... With my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ graphic HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards kids or teens in any way... 😭😭😭 And I keep getting intrusive thoughts of calling the 14-15 year old "cute" with her saying "thanks" on text... I genuinely find this so awful and disgusting...

How do I give myself motivation without giving myself reassurance? Myscores are getting better, but everytime I notice I’m not thinking about my OCD, it feels like my brain tries to move the finish line and thinks of even scarier thoughts. It kinda gets to a point where I feel overwhelmed and very sad. Some days I just feel too exhausted. Like im just tired of it. I’m trying my best to work on exposures that terrify me with my therapist. Am I doing too much too soon? Or am I just too far gone to get better?

I just started ERP and while it’s definitely hard, I know it will ultimately help me tremendously. My therapist is amazing and she fully has my trust. I have Pure O and my main issue is thought association and thought replacement. As an example, if I go to buy something I really want, an OCD thought will usually come crashing into my thoughts and now that thought will usually stick to the item that I’m buying. The way I was able to partially neutralize this was to start over and think of something else until the purchase was complete. Obviously that is the temporary relief that fuels the vicious circle. Without asking for reassurance, has anyone else dealt with this and what are some things that’s helped be fully successful in doing ERP and stay on the patch of recovery? Peace and love to you all.

Saw a post that was really weird and so I reported it and before then a weird joke about someone's with a weird image and then I saw pictures of a celebrity and looked at them closer and accidentally looked at them inappropriately even though they're obviously an adult. Everytime I see a conventionally attractive adult I have to look closer and for longer and then my OCD freaks out about it. I'm scared I made it seem creepier in previous notes by not specifying that the celebrities are adults even though they obviously are. Was looking at someone calling out someone for being creepy and did a double take and realised you could see someone's butt in a bikini in one of the images and I'm scared it's inappropriate and I'm just so terrified I saw something bad and my OCD is messing with me about it in every possible way and I feel like I need to know if it's something bad but I just don't, I found one thing saying the person was born in 1990 so they would've been an adult but what if it's wrong? Saw they were showing Akira at the Vue and have heard good things but when I looked it up on BBFC it had some pretty dark themes and when I googled the characters ages they were all teenagers and I'm scared it's really bad but OCD is trying to tell me I still want to watch it even though I don't. There's a gymnast episode in this show I'm watching and I accidentally looked at someone inappropriately and then had an intrusive thought describing it and I hate it so much. People are saying an outfit a popstar was wearing was infantilising and I remember thinking the outfit looks weird but the infantilisation thing never occured to me and I'm scared because I like the popstar's music and my OCD latches onto conventionally attractive women (Even though I don't feel attraction) and they mentioned another popstar also wearing infantilising outfits which again never occured to me (But I also don't think that one's true from what I've seen) Had an intrusive thought pop into my head that was like anticipating a punchline Saw another disgusting human being doing something truly evil, I reported them and another person who while calling them out, still posted censored versions of the things they did as evidence whicb is really misguided and disgusting.

My grandma just had a stroke and is in the ICU not doing well. My ROCD has been flaring up. I feel like all i can still think and worry about is my relationship even though all of this is going on. it makes me feel guilty and like why would i stay in this if i can't even grieve other things in the way i normally would. Has anyone else experienced ROCD flaring up even worse with tragic life events?

Has anyone ever taken Zoloft and a week into taking it just started to feel totally spaced out? I have no personality and idk if it’s normal and temporary or if this will stay and I’ll Need to switch back to Lexapro

Im sure i dont have social anxiety,i used to have it so horrible but now i dont. Though i hate going out,seeing people, talking with people or even them being near me, i can just go shopping all day and i wouldn't feel any anxiety so i know its not social anxiety,but the moment i step into the class and have to talk with one of my classmates i just get so angry,its almost like people disgust me,i want to be just by myself every day but i know its bad for my mental health. What do i do?

Does anyone have any tips for just letting a though exist or thinking you are something exist by just letting it be there cause when I do just let it be there it feels like I’m actively trying to pretend it’s not there like how am I supposed to just let it exist when it feels like I’m trying to ignore it even though that isn’t the goal

Hi! I’ve been in therapy for 3 years now and this is my first time with ERP. I’m both terrified and excited. I’ve suffered from OCD since childhood and nothing was done about it. Now at age 32, OCD is running my life. I know I’ll make it through somehow - just not sure how or what it will be like. Creating a life worth living is the goal. If anyone wants to share their experience with me, I’d love to hear it. 💚

Hello! I’m a baby OCD (just diagnosed last week lol) and I’m still trying to figure out what O and C mean. I learn best through anecdotes and learning what stuff means to other people. Your explanations/definitions of OCD obsession and compulsion greatly appreciated! I thiiiiiink I’m pure-o or something but I do stim and shake my head to try to clear bad thoughts. Thanks so much!!!

I just got broken up with because I am depressed and it was over text. My anxiety and ocd have been awful and he said that can only be an excuse for so long so now I’m going insane. I am so sick.

Does God even care about my little prayers. They feel rushed and idk how to just sit with him I feel awkward. Like I can’t spend like an hour in prayer then just pray they scroll cuz idk what to do. And I ask God so many questions too and feel like I never hear cuz I’m not listening or being obedient cuz he will always knock at our hearts but what if my heart is hardened