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im stressing so mich and theres noone its 2 am in my country so everynes asleep. i have a bus to school in three hours. i didmt sleep. i dont want to have these thoughts and fears i hate it my ocd generally rocd is in the worst state ever

So I feel like this post is gonna be very TMI, but I need to get it off my chest. I have a lot of BFRBs (body focused repetitive behaviours) but one weird thing about me that makes me very ashamed, is a lot of these BFRBs end in my ingesting the thing (hair, nails, skin, etc) which I know is gross, and idk why I do it. A lot of times it feels very subconscious, like I’m not even thinking about it half the time. But I feel so ashamed. On top of this, there are been other, even grosser things I’ve chewed on, I think as a subconscious sensory seeking/self regulating habit. I’ve chewed on/ingested things that any normal person would gag at. And I don’t know why. I don’t know why I subconsciously put so many things in my mouth, it’s low key gross, and I don’t often think about the grossness of what I’m doing until later, I’ve so zoned out I don’t even think. And it makes me so freaking ashamed. I’m engaged right now, and a part of me is so scared to be inviting another person to be so closely involved in my life, because I worry that if he knew all the gross things I do/have done in the past, he won’t love me anymore. And part of me feels this deep need to tell him all the weird/gross/terrible things I’ve done, because if I don’t I feel that he isn’t loving me, but a version of me that isn’t fully transparent and isn’t fully myself. I’ve spent hours on my phone researching gross habits, gross BFRBs, gross oral stims, etc, just to feel seen. And I still feel so isolated in my experience. It’s a terrible cycle that’s eating away at my day. I feel so much shame, like I’m this gross monster of a person who must be so messed up in the head to even consider doing some of the gross things I’ve done, and part of me feels I can’t feel fully loved if I don’t confess. I’m not expecting reassurance, just needed to get it off my chest.

I’m fairly sure I’m not the only one who thinks this—though I understand it’s a bit illogical—but I’m afraid of starting ERP. So much of my obsessional thoughts and compulsion make up who I came to become after years of serious neglect in my adolescents. You can imagine then how some aspects of my OCD I firmly don’t think I will ever even want to change. I have a weird attachment to them. I suppose fundamentally I’m afraid of unraveling my OCD and not being able to reorganize myself. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years between a multitude of psychologists, therapists, psychiatrists, etc. Generally I’m open to whatever help I can get—I even tried TMS therapy and did 36 sessions but the most relief I got from that was that I no longer felt the compulsion to bite my nails. I want to know how/if you’re able to accept the uncertainty of what your potential therapist will or won’t want to change. I guess I feel strongly that I would not be a pleasant client in ERP because I’m very stubborn about certain aspects of my OCD.

So I’ve been suffering from OCD about big questions for awhile. If did go away but now is back this week. I’m just looking for any suggestions or things that have helped people with this? I have always been Christian and this is really debilitating to this. I find myself researching different things wondering if god loves me or is real. It did help me when I looked at the discoveries found in the Bible as some evidence but I know this just makes my ocd worse. My biggest one now is my ocd just says your not a I and yourself is just an illusion. When I’m doing something fun it will tell me this might be fake. One thing that’s helped is looking at neuroscientists research and they are pretty adamant on how the brain works and amazing it is. I used to be really afraid to die or be forgotten but I found comfort in how even though we all die our legacy and actions live on in ways we won’t fully see. Thanks for any help much appreciated! I just want to get back to where I was a week ago!

Really long post Hi I'm sure y'all saw my posts before and my fear of being delusional and believing delusional thoughts and this all started right after my health OCD where I thought you know my headache was a tumor what if what if it's a tumor and all that stuff you know the classic tumor stuff and I would be stressed all day and it would be really bad and then I was like I had a fear of schizophrenia and then mostly the delusional part is what I was afraid of and then over time it just got worse and worse I had crazy intrusive thoughts like what if clouds aren't real what if everyone around me or a lizard people or what if everyone around me aren't real but the one that really stuck the most was the lizard people one it's really disturbing conspiracy theory out there honestly I always start it's delusional and I still think it's delusional and I know it's crazy having intrusive thoughts of one owned family to be something out of this world is really creepy in a way now I don't believe the thought I never did has it felt real absolutely I can't lie I know that you can make things feel real I even want to go to a mental hospital to see if I'm schizophrenic they told me no I don't have schizophrenia or psychosis or anything like that so there's that but that's not the point right now just wanted to do a little recap what I want to talk about is how I manage this in a way I've learned a term after many months of suffering with these crazy delusional intrusive thoughts about my loved ones and it was really painful the anxiety I can logically know but this anxiety is illogical and I can be surrounded by loved ones I learned the term sometimes the best answer is silence and it's my fault that I've always gave an answer to OCD even though that's what it wants and answer an argument in my humanities class I've learned of a a skeptic you know a skeptic would be like with debate something that you know has 100% uncertainty you can't prove it you can't disprove it therefore it must be true but I know that knowledge doesn't require 100% certainty and over the past few months for weeks I should say I've learned to calm down to just let the anxiety be there let the thought be there and just just don't say anything if you know the answer the answer being false by the way that these interests of thoughts are here because I'm afraid of being delusional and so on and so forth yes the thought itself is pretty creepy but I know it's not true but I'm not going to argue with my mind I don't have to remind myself that it's not real I can just sit there and just know that if I'm silent I already know my answer but the worst thing is it's just these crazy thoughts always appear like for instance I was sick I was sick really bad and you know I'm Hispanic and you know sometimes they have Hispanic remedies like my mom would boil some water put some like lime and all that stuff some clothes for the skin some some remedy like that when someone's sick and today I felt better I'm not sick no more and my mom gave me that and I so I took a shower and then came a thought or what if they want me to have extra flavor before they're going to eat me and I'm like I noticed the thought and the anxiety immediately came up but then I asked myself why the hell am I anxious if I know that this is delusional why the hell am I anxious have I trained my mind long ago to be afraid of all kinds of crazy thoughts and therefore it learned that and the anxiety was there but I I took the shower anyway to prove it wrong well actually no do not even prove it at all because I know it's crazy I've had all kinds of crazy intrusive thoughts just as like my mind teasing me to see how I'm going to react and it all circles around the stupid lizard one it was like what if they have telekinetic Powers what if they can read my mind what if they can do this what if that what if this what if that it's like all this crazy b******* like I want it gone like these intrusive thoughts are so f****** scary because I have a big fear of believing it I know I shouldn't look for reassurance and I was doing really good not giving attention to OCD I was living I was with my family I was happy but then came a weird wacky thought and came in like oh I was like oh yeah I'm just going to take the shower going to put the remedy on me because well it's for the sickness and and I tried my best to not like ask questions to my mom about it because it would make me seem paranoid and that's a that's a symptom of schizophrenia or whatever but I am like I can't I have to ask but I noticed deep down if I do then that would make me seem paranoid but I asked my mom what was the purpose of it what does it really do and deep down I know it's for sickness I know it without a doubt and then I asked why didn't she do it for my little brother who was always so sick he was the first one sick and then I got sick she said because you were hit the hardest and in a way I guess I was and she said I also did it for myself but my mind kept saying oh what if they're doing this and all that and I've come to realize now as I'm talking did I fell for OCD strap it wants a reaction from just like the the skeptic wood in an argument is there uncertainty well I mean how can you prove something delusional you can't OCD like can't prove anything there isn't I'm a very logical person so I know I don't believe this crap I don't want to believe it it's just why do I get anxious is what I getting at the fact that I'm getting anxious in the first place about the intrusive thought makes me anxious what does that mean does that mean I'm crazy makes it feel real but I know it's not real I'm sorry for a really really long post but can anyone relate

I’m so sick of having ROCD. I cannot stop crying.

So I tried practicing my exposure therapy this morning but it backfired big time. I look up a certain topic to trigger my OCD and all it did was lead me into doom scrolling on my phone. I didn't catch myself until much later. Ever since I think I had a seizure from stress due to my OCD I feel like I can't practice without spiraling or getting frustrated. It's one topic in particular that causes me to spiral but my therapist said avoidance only makes things worse later on. I wish I could mention the topic but I don't want to start a verbal fight. What does anyone think? Should I avoid the topic or keep trying until my therapy sticks?

I just realised today, after maybe 25 years of fighting this disorder, its root is probably my desire to be "secure" like the compulsion to align everything I do so that I am as secure from harm as possible. That's it. I am obsessed with feeling okay and in peace, and the more I try to feel okay and in peace, of course my mind the more does not let me. And since my sexual identity is probably the largest component of what makes me me, it has taken the largest damage. All the checking, interrogating and reviewing or finding out behaviour simple stem from this. And I simple lived without heed to what I want. Just letting random thoughts and feelings to direct my life. Never stopping to question how comes that I don't think about what I want to do, but about how my ocd may react to it.

How real can this stuff feel because it feels indistinguishably real? I have this “knowing” feeling and constant knot in pit of stomach that changes in intensity, but never fully passes, and that makes me feel it’s a “real” problem, as it’s been so persistent for so long. I have had other subsets in the past but SO-OCD is the most stubborn subset I’ve ever experienced and that makes me feel like it’s evidence it’s real. I really feel like the exception. Some thoughts come, strike and eventually pass and then may return, like a game of whack-a-mole, but some of the SO-OCD ones haven’t fully left since they arrived and I’m scared that means that the thoughts that come and go and bounce about are OCD and these ones that are firmly stuck and always whirling around somewhere, whether at the back or forefront of mind, are intuition. This is my biggest barrier to getting treatment, as I feel so convinced if I stop compulsions it will solidify “the truth” and then l’ll have no choice but to accept it and will have to leave my boyfriend. That’s the last thing I want, but “what if what I want and what I am meant to have are different things”? I get thoughts like “you can’t choose/change your sexuality, this is who you are? ROCD and SO-OCD pass ball to one another, but SO-OCD is the most dominant theme. Anyone got may advice or can anyone relate? I’m terrified it’s true.

When I met my partner couple years ago he always been like dry never initiated intimacy ever I find that a little bit weird at the beginning but I thought that would change and it never did. He used to cuddle buy gifts do all good at the beginning still do but never nothing about intimacy all this years I been wasting it arguing with him on why he never do that the answer was I dk I grow up without affection so he doesn’t show it or do it but he still love me ? This affect my self esteem through the years thinking it was about my body and overthinking everything I don’t think is part of my ocd or maybe it is I overthinking everything in a relationship but isn’t a lie that he never been a se*xual person ever this affected me a lot I hate telling people what to do and they still don’t do it and if I have to ask for it I don’t longer want it that should happen without me asking it also shouldn’t have to be me the only one to initiate it right now it been 1 a year and 9 months without any because I m done on forcing it is right now is so late of course I m overthinking right now and feeling like 💩 just venting I don’t have no one to talk about this by the way we live together we have kids and been on roommate phase for years years thank you for reading I would appreciate any advice life just suck

I sort of have a roach problem in my home. They are mainly in my kitchen. Sometimes there are a lot of them and other times there are little of them. There are times where I rinse my plate so I think the plate is clean enough to eat food on but I looked up if this is the case and the results said no it isn't. I have not gotten sick from eating or heating up food though. I wrapped up pizza with aluminum foil and I may or may not have seen a roach on the side of the drawer when getting it. I wrapped up the slices anyway, took one out and ate it after I did so because I wanted a slice and microwaved it, which I looked up that microwaves sanitize food and it makes it safe to eat, so I ate the slice. My OCD worrying is here and I can feel it physically. I'm just trying to sit through it without any judgement of calling myself gross for doing this or disproving the OCD and setting everybody to maybe maybe not.

I hear it gets worse before better has any experienced this how long did it take to recover?

hi im probably not the only one but the attack on iran terrifies me so much and everyone says that soon there will be WWIII but what if this is already it? im from poland and despite beinf aware my country's NATO and is probably safe im still scared. i know that people in power feed of our fear but i genuinely can't seem to imagine neither my future nor the world being safe either. i hate trump and all the billionaires monsters who want power, i wanna do something about it but there's nothing i can do about it, i feel liie all i can do is sit and watch.

As someone who has been struggling with OCD for over 2 years now. It takes a while to overcome it. There is no need to be afraid! OCD is merely a fly buzzing around you. It is not who you are, you are not defined by your thoughts or your compulsions. You have to trust yourself, and know that you have the ability to push through urges. Push through compulsions. Push through with ERP! You are stronger than your mind, you are stronger than the thoughts spiraling. If it’s hard for you to get out of your head here are some ways I’ve found that help me to get out of a spiral; TAKE A HOT SHOWER: Something about the hot water hitting my back and laying down eases my mind, sometimes during my worse episodes I would sit in the shower for upmost of 40 minutes. It brings me back to my body and out of my head! TAKE A DRAMAMINE: During my worst days I would not be able to sleep. I’ve tried anxiety medicine, sleeping pills, SSRI medication. Dramamine, although OTC for nausea, it causes drowsiness which allows for me to fall asleep despite my anxiety inducing thoughts. Another perk? It also makes my anxiety go away. During the times where i was spiraling for hours in the night. I learned to take a Dramamine as soon as I felt the anxiety coming on and I just fell asleep. Woke up and restarted my morning fresh. GOING TO THE GYM: Although we all want to have tones abs and a firm butt, the gym has many more benefits than just that. Exercise improves mental health by releasing feel-good neurotransmitters like endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine, which boost mood, reduce stress hormones (cortisol), and alleviate anxiety. Regular activity, such as 150 minutes of moderate exercise weekly, improves sleep, increases self-esteem, acts as a distraction from negative thoughts, and enhances cognitive function. (Google) When I’m active it allows me more control over my thoughts. EATING HEALTHY: Sometimes a McFlurry is good for mental health too don’t get me wrong but eating clean and healthy is more than you think. Eating healthy is essential for mental health because nutrient-dense foods regulate neurotransmitters, reduce brain inflammation, and stabilize blood sugar, which directly affects mood, cognitive function, and stress levels. A balanced diet—rich in vegetables, fruits, and healthy fats—supports gut health and provides the energy necessary to prevent mood disorders like anxiety and depression. (Harvard) TALK TO A FRIEND: My biggest compulsion is confessing. Confessing when I feel i did something guilty, confessing when something doesn’t feel just right. Confessing to someone no other than my significant other. During my time of needing to confess, I talk to a friend. Not asking for reassurance (also a compulsion) but for understanding and to help me realize that it isn’t such a big deal after all. Talking to a close friend who understands, doesn’t judge, and simply listens is truthfully my biggest crutch. I hope these help you to navigate your OCD a little better. It took me a while to find what works for me. Comment some things that help you get out of an OCD spiral below!

i'm so sick of my mind, it just throws (pardon my language) absolute bullshit at me all the time. i don't know if having suspected adhd impacts this but it's like my brain's out of control and just pelts me with intrusive, disgusting and ego-dystonic thoughts at 100mph. what's more is that i feel so dissociated that the thoughts often don't even bring on negative feelings other than 'ughhh not again'. i still have feelings like dread and guilt for many of my thoughts especially for real event ocd but man, my mind is troubling me greatly. i have an appointment with my psychiatrist nurse soon. i'd really appreciate ocd specialist help.

Hey everyone! Recently I tried nicotine gum for the first time and I got sick. Now I’m okay. I’m not taking it again. I feel the need to explain and confess to my dad about it. My OCD involves feeling the need to explain, clarify, or confess information. I feel the need to tell my dad that I did this and I temporarily discontinued one of my meds to feel the buzz more. But I’m actually getting back on the med and not taking nicotine again. Another thought I’m having is regarding romantic relationships and sex. I’m 25 and never experienced romance or sex before. It makes me feel sad that I’m missing out on it. But I notice I’m more at peace when I’m not around people in general. I often become triggered around people. Triggered in terms of OCD in social situations (interaction has to be done right and I have to be assertive), and triggered in terms of social anxiety and paranoia. I feel like people are watching me and judging me in public. Hopefully when I attend grad school this year I will feel more comfortable with older students who are more mature. I noticed I relate better and get along with adults more. I also had thoughts about nobody liking or replying to my last post and I see some people expressing the same sentiments sometimes. But I understand it’s not personal and it’s unlikely that there is anything wrong with me but it still hurts. It feels hurtful when nobody likes or replies to you. Some of my posts do while others don’t.

I am taking space from my partner right now. I am AuDHD, have cptsd and OCD. So I'm trying really hard not to give into my compulsions and reach out when all they asked for was some space to process a hard day we had the other day. Does anyone know this feeling and how do you avoid giving into your compulsions?

Last night I posted about how my anxiety is so constant and I’m scared I’ll be like this forever. Really been doing my ERP work of sitting in the uncertainty, but my God it’s still hell. I’ve had one sobbing spell while sitting with the uncertainty and it did dip down a little afterwards. But the constant anxiety and wanting to cry is what’s getting me. It just doesn’t let up and I’ve barely been able to eat, and get sick from how intense it is.

I struggle with organization and routines and rules, perfectionism at its best. However, I have a hard time knowing if its OCD or if it is logical and I have a new intrusive thought that the other person is not taking me seriously because they know I am in treatment for my OCD. Just letting me be exposed by them just not following instructions. So am I though? That is my question for ya'll. I have an adult child, almost 19 years old who lives with me and my 7 other family members. I have been very patient in the transition of them taking over and being more independent. The common theme is that they dont feel good or they aren't sleeping or they dont know how.. or their executive function is malfunctioning. I am at a loss because they wont follow rules, they dont contribute to anything during the day. They just lay in bed and play Roblox or browse the internet. They sleep in until noon. I have a hard time when I have so many things that hinder on my energy level (fibromyalgia, Depression, anxiety) mostly Fibro and the main trigger is stress. I dont know what to do next. I have talked about them going into a group home where we can pay someone to do all the nagging and teaching of these things with a medical background that can help them with executive function development. For the sake of our relationship because I am their step mom. I am resentful and that freaks me out cause I dont have that unconditional bond with them like a biological mom does. I also didn't raise them. Ive only been around for 4 years ish.

I’m so upset I feel like I never loved or liked my husband and I’ve liked being around him and everything he does makes me feel repulsed. I refuse to leave him I meant it when I said forever when we got married. He is so strong, intelligent, hardworking, responsible, caring, kind, honest, supportive, faithful, loyal, trustworthy, steadfast, patient and so many other things. I just want to feel attracted and love towards him. The only thing keeping me from fully freaking out is our marriage and knowing that commitment for me is forever it gives some thoughts less power but then I think ocd likes to turn that into “but that means you’ll be trapped in a miserable marriage forever” even though I’m so blessed to have an amazing husband. Please help I feel like I’m the exception and this isn’t ROCD anymore especially because the thoughts aren’t always anxiety inducing and I feel like I’m faking it and I keep trying to feel good in my marriage but just can’t.