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the NOCD Community

sometimes idk what my purpose is cuz if im always fearing my salvation like it’s just too much if im not fully following him and just think of modern Christianity and I need to be so strict.

Hi - My name is Chrissy and I am new to this group. I want to connect with others that have potentially gone through the same struggles or have the same obsessions I have and have learned how to cope. I have indecision OCD. I figured out I had OCD about 2 years ago and realized how much it has affected my entire life and my relationships. My compulsions involve heavily asking for reassurance from loved ones and online research. I can spend hours evaluating the pros and cons before making a decision. Minor decisions like what to eat at a restaurant aren’t the issue but big life changing decisions are. What I’ve been obsessing about most of my life the past 3 years is whether to change my job and whether to have children. I finally got the right kind of help and worked with an ERP therapist for about 9 months. She got me to change jobs, making a career change, and start trying for children which has been great progress for me. However, I’m still constantly caught up in every single day whether this new career path is a good fit, how it will work with me being hopefully a mom someday, and whether I can manage it all while also managing OCD. My intrusive thoughts can be so bad that it can make it impossible to even work sometimes at all. I’m on medicine now that is helping me more but I still am so stuck in the same looping thoughts. I question all the time whether I’m in the right job, should I go back to my old job because the ability to work part time was there while the ability to work part time at this job is very unknown, or should I just give up and be a stay at home mom because I can’t commit to any one job. I think I have this fear that I can’t handle being a mom and having OCD and having a full time job. Additionally I feel like I have an inability to commit to a career path and growth in one direction because I’m terrified of getting trapped in a position I’m miserable in. I’m also terrified of how that misery or inability to balance/manage my OCD will impact my life for my children and my marriage. I live most days battling my what if thoughts. I’m hopefully not seeking reassurance through this post but I’m ultimately looking to connect with others who have similar struggles with indecision OCD and how you’ve been able to manage, especially when it comes to career. I also just want to share my story and learn about more ways this community can help. If this post is asking for reassurance then feel free to tell me and this post can be disregarded.

I’m 19 and I just recently starting having what I believe is intrusive thoughts. It really started to get worse with my boyfriend recently because I made myself believe I had somehow emotionally cheated on him even though I had no specific example , I just felt like somehow I did and I needed to confess and tell him because I was so guilty and felt so terrible that I could do that to him, I didn’t realize until now that could be from OCD…I also after that guess I had become really aware of “looking for attention” and a scary intrusive thought came in my head and it told me I had changed my outfit because someone in my family was coming home. I would never in a million years want to hurt this person ever, nor would I ever think that way but now that it happened it’s like I can not stop. It’s just constant and I hate the thought everytime it makes me feel sick but I can’t get it to stop. It has me worried that what if it’s not intrusive ? What if I wanted it or still do want it. But I don’t. But part of me feels like I do I just need help please.

This theme just keeps coming back again and again. I just feel like my evidence is TOO good yknow? I remember all the ways I sought attention, how my self esteem has always been terrible, how I never fit in to friend groups, how I coped by imagining I was special in some way, how I'm so judgemental. I love to yap about my interests, and am finding it increasingly hard to listen to others. I feel like I always have to put on a mask around others, it's like my brain shuts off and I go into "blank person" mode. I feel like nothing ever makes me happy, I always find a problem. I feel very empty inside. My mother is very smothering, and still wants to do everything for me. And you know the worst part? It's hard for me to say no! It is really convenient. However, I fight her a lot about this, I tell her I'm an adult with 2 legs, but she insists. This fills me with constant guilt and shame. My Dad seems to be a classic narc. And while I vowed to never use the tactics he does like guilt tripping, lying, ruining every big event, threats, etc, I do find in myself similarities that I worry about constantly (such as temper, impatience, lecturing, etc). Okay. So with all this said, here's why I might NOT be one: I feel guilt and remorse, like, all the time. When I upset someone, even if I initially thought I was justified, I pretty much always apologize after reflection and cool down. Another thing is, I DO have affective and cognitive empathy. However, I've been finding it harder to access it as of late, I often feel numb, maybe from checking my feelings all the time? I often put on a show of compassion that I dont feel in the moment, because I care about the other person. Also, I often catch myself judging someone and try to correct the thought. I'm hyperaware of all of my faults and failings, and I've prayed to God over and over again to make me humble. Finally, numerous therapists, as well as people close to me, have all told me I don’t have it. They often say people who have NPD don't think their behavior is a problem. But how true is that, especially with vulnerable narcissists?

i’m putting a TW just in case anyone is having a similar issue to me—i’m having a mixed battle of SOOCD and ROCD and i am looking for some advice. does anyone else feel this way? i have for as long as i can remember. whenever i find out someone has a crush on me and tries to execute their feelings towards me, i instantly get a pit in my chest and i want to avoid them as much as possible. usually if i find out they have a crush on me i’m like “okay whatever that’s fine”, but the moment they try to do something about it is when i feel as though i’m being suffocated. i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that A. i’m hyper independent and usually prefer to be on my own, B. i recently discovered i have an avoidant attachment style, and i have never been an affectionate person really at all, whether it be with family or friends. and C. most of the time, i barely know the people who crush on me and i get uncomfortable at the idea of someone thinking about or perceiving me in a way that is not reciprocated. it feels like a bunch of eyes are on me, and being independent and shy i hate that. i’ve only had about 5 real crushes in my life and i don’t think i’ve ever actually been in love—i think part of that is because i don’t really let myself form relationships often. i’ve always chalked it up to me being independent and shy and telling myself it will change one day and that it’ll happen if/when it happens, but i’m worried it won’t. i’ve never been the type to actively seek out relationships, just let time do its thing, which i usually would be doing right now but ocd decided to swing onto this vine like tarzan. i try to give myself slack because i’m only 18 and i have so much life ahead of me HAHA but who knows. weirdly enough i’m kind of a hopeless romantic because i love to daydream and fantasize about finding love, i love romantic situations and i often have dreams about finding someone, but then when it actually happens my body goes into self protection mode and i self sabotage in the end. worst part is once it’s all over i’ll feel like an idiot that blew a chance, and then the cycle repeats. i’m meeting with my therapist soon so i can hopefully resolve this because i miss how my life was before ocd started attacking this hahah anyone else this way and have any possible tips for me? thanks (:

I’ve been trying to have better boundaries with certain people in my life. I’m on the autism spectrum, so socializing has always been really hard for me. Either I mask to fit in and end up having friendships with people that don’t really fit me, or I over give my time and attention to people who have really hurt me in the past. This has made friendship in general feel sort of unsafe and I get really closed off sometimes. But, at the same time, I also do have a social battery that runs out and I truly just want to be alone and that makes me feel good. Most of my friends are neurotypical and have a hard time understanding this. It’s gotten to the point where I just feel scared and worried they won’t understand and I straight up ignore their messages. Then the anxiety builds and I start judging myself for this behavior without doing anything to change it, and then it gets worse and I avoid it even more. I know the solution is to just stay in contact even if I just say “hey! I don’t really feel like socializing right now”. I love the friends I have in my life now, but I just get overwhelmed. The problem is I slip into “what’s wrong with me? This shouldn’t be hard. Let’s think about every single other friendship I’ve ever had and analyze it to figure out what went wrong. They probably hate me or think I’m weird. I’m going to hurt again.” This increases the avoidance and judgment. I also am avoiding my dad for other reasons. The same things apply.

Ok so i was thinking about a past bad real event i had and it’s something im not proud of but then my mind seems to be making up random details to make the situation worse than it was and i can’t even tell whats real anymore. Has anyone had the same thing?

(I do not expect any diagnosis, but I just want to know if this is abnormal or if this is just a weird but fairly normal thing) I've been having odd symptoms for years, and really drastic mood switches to where I just brushed off aside for a long time but recently it's just been a bit too much for me. (And it isn't just being happy for a day then next day I'm sad) and it also affects my OCD symptoms as well . For example, one day I'm really in a good mood, I am extremely hopeful for myself and future and I am really well at finishing my tasks and I work towards my goals. I spend time on my hobbies and interests. And etc. (Aka this is usually my overall self/where I feel most normal) but then sometimes it elevates a bit and I also begin to feel extremely euphoric and important, my confidence is over the top, I feel almost unstoppable. (OCD and my dark intrusive thoughts/compulsions are poking at me at times still, but I fall for it less. But now that I'm happy, Health OCD hits me hard at times and I start to worry about my own health and scared if I'll die when I feel like I have so much left to accomplish and do.) Then the next I could either be extremely impulsive and I start doing whatever comes to mind, sometimes I end up regretting it later on and it doesn't help with my OCD at all. I feel like my thoughts are so quick and it gives me headaches, I start feeling really restless and like I can't do anything else. (My intrusive thoughts/compulsions elevate EXTREMELY and I start doing nonstop compulsions and I start panicking and feeling like my life is over, this is where I usually start having major urges on confessions over the smallest things.) And then not even an hour later sometimes, I suddenly stop and now I'm extremely numb and quiet- I don't talk to anyone and become nonverbal. I avoid everyone and everything. Even the TINIEST inconvenience could drive me into becoming extremely depressed and start insulting myself and I become to cynical towards everything. I start lashing out on everything and feel like the worst person ever. I start to say things like "I should give up why bother.", "I'm a failure", etc. Or I just feel extremely guilty and I feel like a major burden to everyone I love, I start seeing myself in an awful light and my goals fade. I dissociate a lot during these moods. (My intrusive thoughts become more dark and my compulsions take up more energy, I start worrying whether if this is permanent and if I'm an awful person. harm OCD becomes extra strong here and it sucks.) (Luckily, I have some self-awareness to at least let out my emotions when I'm alone, so I don't upset someone else. I also mask all of these emotions during school and normally only at that place. OCD still stays at the back of my head, and my mood is always just meh since I just don't like being in classes. But that also worries me into thinking "what if I'm just a liar ?") Sometimes I can feel one way for weeks and it suddenly switches to another, then it switches through every few days, sometimes I can go from the happy/manic to extremely despressed and hopeless in only a span of a few hours. It makes me feel really uncomfortable, also since I can have 10 fully different OCD themes play out depending on how I'm feeling : ( this also leads to me ruminating and worrying about myself and identity And it still affects my OCD symptoms, these mood swings triggers my mind to start having intrusive thoughts such as "Your impulsiveness only affects you right now, but one day it will lead you into doing something extremely horrible", "You are a monster", "You don't have OCD, you're just a mess", etc. I start freaking out worrying that's true or that I don't have OCD at all and I was just lying to myself all my life . So my overall question is does anyone else with OCD feel this way ? Or is this something I should look more into . Again, I know I can't have an overall diagnosis, (although I wish I could .) but I'm only looking for some insight "<:^)

Does anyone else have that one ex they just can’t get over? I’ve been recently feeling super lonely these past few days especially during the holidays and I just can’t help but be reminded of all the goods things that I’ll never seem to get back with that one person over a year ago.

We know OCD GETS WEIRD! Be okay with people noticing you looking at them because of what’s going on in your head. Or a sensation in your body which you believe doesn’t belong. View them all the same; it’s a symptom! Don’t prove it wrong by reminding yourself in your head. Tell it it’s wrong by going on about your day day by day as if nothing is happening.. ☮️❤️

TW MENTION OF MEDICATION AND INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT IT. Hi everyone. So basically as the title says, I’m scared of taking medication. I’ve been prescribed 10mg of fluoxetine (Prozac) and I’m just scared of taking it. Well any medication to be exact but this is the one I need to take. I’ve been on it before and it worked wonders for me even before my ocd got bad but I went off it about 3 years ago and since then it’s been pretty bad. I first was prescribed fluoxetine at 11 years old and switched around a few times since but I always came back to fluoxetine. Since then I have taken genesite testing which said fluoxetine is my perfect match. Even with all that I’m still scared. Maybe it’s because I did try it again January of 2024 but one night I was struggling to sleep on day 3 and it felt like I stopped breathing when I was half asleep half awake but that has happened since and it was like a half asleep half awake thing where I was breathing just it slowed to sleep Yk. so I stopped taking it immediately and I’ve been scared to since and since then I’ve been scared it taking all medication even tums or Tylenol. A few new reasons came along as well. Here’s the reasons with my logical side featured so you understand my thought process, What if I’m suddenly allergic? Super unlikely but still a fear. What if it’s drugged/poisoned? Super unlikely again. As far as I know it’s never happened with medication you get from a pharmacy. What if the side effects make me really bad again? This one I have no come back for tbh. What if they don’t help? That’s literally what they’re made for. They can always up my dose or change medication. What if it takes me years of struggle to find the perfect medication? Yet again no come back. What if it doesn’t help my ocd at all? ITS WHAT ITS MADE FOR. What if it makes my ears ring worse? I have ear ringing currently and had it one other time and that guy went away but this one isn’t for some odd reason but it’s only been 3 weeks and I think it’s because of the tubes swelling because of the weather. But I did read about it one time making peoples ringing worse so that scares me. So there’s my reasons. Some illogical some with some research I would know the actual facts. Thankfully I’ve gotten to a point where I can touch the medication without freaking out. Mainly because my husband got prescribed the same exact thing and he graciously allows me to hand it to him everyday so I can get comfortable with touching it. I’m just looking for some advice on how to work through this and get to where I can take my medication.

I read these stories and they tend to be about younger men and older women, however some of them trigger me cause they imply the character is much younger. I always try and see if I can justify a way it isn’t that, but then I see it’s just gross and I stop reading it. But I keep doing this cycle. I feel like I’m just denying I’m a creep. And if I am one, I need to tell my partner so they know I’m a bad person. Please help.

Was on deviantart looking at a story. Story said teenager and it grossed me out. I knew I’d see something triggering on the site and spiral. Why do I do this to myself?

When I think about traumatic things that happened to me as a child or weird, disturbing acts that I did as a child due to trauma and being hypersexual, it gives me sensations down there. Which then leads to a compulsion of me testing myself mentally down there which makes the sensation stronger. It can reach a climax if I continue the test and compulsion, which is weird because I do not even touch myself it’s like a mental thing. I would never want these things to happen to me again and for the acts that I did, I would never want to do them again. I just feel weird and gross right now, and I feel like I am a bad person or like there is a risk of me doing weird things again. Also, in the moment when these triggers or compulsions are happening, my brain and body have a sense of rejection and discuss towards it, but also a curiosity to finish the compulsion or continue ruminating about it. I do not watch any negative or inappropriate material or watch anything of that nature to be honest . I feel very upset with myself as I’ve been doing OK with my OCD and trauma but it’s just recently gotten bad today. I think it might be because I’m on my period.

I am having a really hard day. I am so overwhelmed about so many things. I lost an earring and can’t find it. It is stuck on my mind. About a month ago my boyfriend broke up with me and the weekends are so hard. That was my first relationship and I miss him dearly. I have no friends to support me and my Mom is tried of me being sad. I also have a math exam Tuesday and need to review a ton. It feels like I have so much to do and so little time. I just want to hangout with a friend/ my ex boyfriend. I feel very depressed and anxious.

Has anyone ever dealt with relationship ocd and feeling guilty for not sharing every thought and feeling with your spouse that feels it was unfaithful? Mine is stemming back to an old memory of when we were just dating and had broken up. A friend of my sisters was childishly flirting with me and I felt like I secretly liked the attention. Kept thinking what if something else had happened and what if he did stay at my house one night but he never did. It just makes me feel extreme guilty for even thinking and feeling these things of even being partial to that idea at that time I was broken up and going through that small rough area. I feel like I am keeping something from my husband since I never told him this. I just wish I could move on from this. I don’t know why I feel like everything in my life needs to be known to him. Why do I feel so guilty. I hate it!

Some background, I have religious OCD or scrupulosity and after sinning my compulsion is to repeatedly ask God for forgiveness but the Bible warns against praying in vain repetitions in Matthew 6:7 and I’m afraid I’m sinning upon having already sinned because I know God hears my first prayer but I have a compulsion to repeat it multiple times usually 4 times 4 and if I don’t do it I can’t move on to something else and it is extremely distressing I don’t want to be sinning on top of confessing my prior sin what should I do guys?

Hi! I’m a 28 year old mom with a toddler. My OCD had been under control until I stopped taking hormonal birth control about a month ago. Since then, I have felt awful. My Harm OCD is in full swing attacking the ones I love, on top of it, I believe I’m experiencing “Post Birth Control Syndrome.” Even the Celexa & Buspirone I’ve been on for 12 years barely helps with this sort of depression/anxiety. I’ve started NOCD therapy again & had my Buspirone upped. I’m hesitant to make anymore medication changes right now. I’m basically posting this because I haven’t seen a lot of Mom’s (specifically ones with the harm theme) posting about their story. I’m also curious if anyone else with OCD has experienced “Post Birth Control Syndrome?” I’m strapped in for a re-recovery. Looking for some like minded friends! 💕

Have a date next week with a girl I met off of tinder. She seems really sweet and I could see it developing into something more. I just feel like every time I know someone’s attracted to me I can’t help but wonder if I’m actually attracted to them or if I’m just faking it because I like to be loved. Like spiral-licious amounts. It seems like every time I have a new romantic interest this is the pattern: surface level interest, get to know them more, pro and con list #1, am I attracted to them REALLY or am I just a narcissist in disguise and will break their heart by bread crumbing them while trying to figure out if attracted and then ultimately leaving, pro and con list #2, hang in there, THEN LIMERANCE!!! Does anyone else feel this way? Any tips or insights?