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Can someone respond to my previous post, I'm really struggling

So last night I woke up and I felt the slightest bit of anxiety, but no palpitations instead of my first thought running outside to sit down. I just laid in bed and let the anxiety be and told myself that my heart is OK and I’m doing good and there’s nothing wrong and then I went back to sleep and even though I woke up in the middle of the night, I went back to sleep and that’s a huge win😊

So I don’t normally do this … I can’t remember the last time I posted on here but I’m having a really rough day today and would appreciate anyone’s support or advice without giving too much reassurance. I’ve been dealing with OCD for the last 2 1/2 years. I’ve been in ERP therapy for the same amount of time and it’s just been a real struggle. When it comes to logic, I know everything you can know about the brain and how it works and OCD and how it operates. I’ve dealt with harm OCD, sexual OCD, health OCD, and now relationship OCD. Every single one of them at the time felt like the worst one yet. When it comes to the response prevention part of ERP I consistently have a hard time. My brain goes so out of control that no matter what I try to do (or not do) nothing works or nothing helps. With ROCD right now it’s surrounding my marriage and it’s really distressing. It started off with complete numbness around my husband, I felt a really intense disconnect from him like I didn’t love him anymore. I had thoughts of divorce, I’ve had thoughts of him not being the same towards me, I’ve felt fake around him like I was lying about wanting to be with him. Then the OCD would completely flip the script and I would feel guilt for feeling these things. Like an intense sadness comes over me and I just sob. The one that is really hurting me right now is a situation where I was on social media a while back and I happen to comment on someone’s page just for the fact that they posted something funny and relatable. The person (who’s a male) messaged me and I responded to them. I didn’t cross any lines, nothing inappropriate was said, but I was almost expecting this person to be flirty with me (which he wasn’t). If he was flirty, I would’ve told him that I was married anyway. And I would’ve showed my husband the whole thing like I’ve done before. However, the fact that I responded to this person and not others is what my brain can’t let go of. All day I’m questioning my intent., why I would expect this person to be flirty with me, why would I want him to be etc ….. Another incident yesterday I was gonna post a picture on social media (which I very rarely do) and as I was about to post it, I get flooded with these thoughts saying “ post it so other guys can see”, “ guys are gonna comment and my husband is going to see”, “ post it to make my husband jealous”. I didn’t end up posting anything but again the whole question of my intent behind almost posting it has me in a complete spiral. “I wanted other men’s attention”, “why would I want other men’s attention and not my husband”, “did I want my husbands attention and that’s why I wanted to post it”, “what if I ended up talking to these guys and liking it”. The spiral was so bad that it put me in a complete and total meltdown in my house. I feel like there’s a reason behind wanting attention from other people., I almost feel like I emotionally cheated, I feel like I shouldn’t continue therapy anymore because after all this time, I’m still in this mess of a situation. I’m just having a really hard time today. I don’t know what’s true and I don’t know what’s not and I’m hurting. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has experience this or something similar to it? If anyone else finds ERP challenging.? Any words of hope would be greatly appreciated right now. Thank you so much.

I have a girl in my life who I adore, me and her had a super rocky start, she had been in so many situationships because men never truly wanted her. Well I sure as hell did. We dated and she got overwhelmed and was confused on what she was feeling, broke up with me. That turned into us being in a situation, which she off and on cut off due to guilt of not knowing how she feels. This lasted from July to January. In January her ex situationship comes down. The guy she first felll for. Our exclusivity wasn’t really stated at this point and we weren’t dating just kissing… the next month she comes to me and we have a chat. I admit how much I love her but she needed to want me or it’s friends and nothing else. from that day forward she has been amazing. Till one day when she has a falling out with her friend and the ex is involved. She tells me that she kissed him when he came for that day. Said she needed to know what she was feeling. So she could truly give me her all. The problem is I had asked if anything happened back then and she lied. I love her so much and I do not want to leave. She has showed remorse and been amazing. She has showed me how much she loves me. She was up at 5 am before I work today making me pancakes. I want to stay. I don’t often think about it anymore I just have been having a flare today. I’m not stupid for doing what I did and pushing on right? So sorry for the huge message

Anyone else wake up with a sense of dread/doom, and immediate intrusive thoughts? Any tips to make the morning more pleasant? In the morning I often feel hopeless, but as I go throughout my day doing activities and skills and ERP, my mood typically improves and I manage my anxiety better. I'm trying to give myself grace and validate that mornings are hard and recognize that it is not representative of how I will feel all day, but it would be great to not have to feel like this every day.

My partner told me yesterday that she’s scared I’m becoming obsessed with OCD after I got some library books about OCD. They’re a couple of biographies that I wanted to read to understand how others experience OCD. I do talk to her about my sessions because I want her to know I’m trying to make progress but it feels like I’m overwhelming her. Lately it just feels like she’s not on board? When I was telling her about a situation with my coworkers, she said “Well not everyone has your brain.” This is more of a rant than anything. I’m working on not letting the ROCD take over. Has anyone else experienced something like this with a loved one?

So right now it’s currently 8:17 AM now I have been up since 5:30 AM so I really been a rough morning. I am a young adult who’s in their 20s but I’m also a mom raising a seven-year-old little girl who is autistic nonverbal, and my daughter. She has been doing amazing this morning but as for myself, I woke up mentally exhausted, but think about it I don’t let my daughter ever see my exhaustion I don’t let her see me drained or tired because I don’t want to put that energy onto her which is why I try to keep her happy and in such a great spirit ..so I’m getting her ready, Everything is going well and I also decided to turn the heat on as well because I’ve had the AC on for a long time now but we were so cold this morning and it’s going to be in the low 60s starting tomorrow so I said you know what I’m going to turn the heat on to make it nice and cozy for us and that’s exactly what I did and it feels so good in our home. Anyways, my daughter, she rides the bus in the mornings she loves riding the bus and I love that for her so after I put her on the bus, and everything and strapped in. We get greeted by the bus driver and the helping aid on the bus with a good mornings and have a great day and how are you doing things in that nature they also say good morning to my daughter, which they always do when she’s getting on the bus and I love that energy because they always have a smile on their face which makes me feel good. After I put my daughter on the bus , I dumped my trash, checked my mail, cleaned my entire home, clean my room, and my daughters room ,wash the dishes , cleaned the bathrooms up and downstairs and after I was done with all of that. I just started to play gospel music, and as I was playing gospel music, I made me a cup of coffee one of my faves which is peppermint bark flavor. It’s so good you literally don’t even eat sugar. That’s how I know that it’s really good because sometimes I like my coffee really really sweet, but just adding that creamer in there it’s perfect!! So as I was making my coffee and everything, I sat down on my bed and just took in all the gospel music that was playing, and I started to cry, and I mean cry and ball my eyes out and honestly when I Decided to go on my Bible app which I haven’t been on in a while. It says “God is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Mind you I haven’t been on that app in a while and sometimes I will get notifications daily but I never really glanced at it until today and honestly that verse made me feel like God was really speaking to me this morning like he wanted me to see that verse and know that he is near and he is working behind the scenes and he is healing me in all places that I’m hurting and that I’m going through and so I clicked on the app and under that verse they have a part where like a preacher Or someone in the ministry is speaking and it was literally title “closer than you think” when I tell you, I said oh my God I feel like God is really speaking to me this morning like there’s no way this is not for me this morning because I haven’t been on this app in so long, but when I decide to actually click on it and read this verse & this title , I literally said this is for me this morning !! I literally felt like that was God trying to speak to me and let me know that I am close to you. I am near you. I am healing you , you are closer to your breakthrough then you think , don’t worry I got it. Don’t worry I’m working behind the scenes. Don’t worry I’m near you. Don’t worry I got you. Don’t worry everything will be all right as I’m saying these things right now I literally have tears in my eyes because I can feel his spirit I can feel him near me. I don’t know where I was going with this but I feel like I needed to say this , this morning and I hope that whoever is reading this just know that this is your sign that everything is going to be all right whatever you’re going through whatever you think you can’t get through you will get through and everything is going to be all right. Just keep praying keep speaking to God daily and just know that you don’t have to be in a better position to get close with God, or to even speak with God God wants to meet you exactly where you’re at because he loves you so much and I know it’s hard. Trust me I know but just keep having faith and keep believing that everything is going to work out for your good and you may not understand why certain things are happening but later you will understand because I always remember God‘s timing isn’t on your time. God’s time is way better than our time. He sees things that we can’t see !! Also, remember rejection is protection it’s redirection. 🥹🥹 if you made it this far, I want to tell you that I love you 💞God loves you and everything is going to be okay and just know that I’m always here for you if anyone needs someone to talk to or just vent to you about anything my inbox is always open💕💕

i suffer from religious ocd and it's been really bad recently. i don't consider myself religious but i still have religious OCD so things get complicated. i was raised in a christian household, but idk if id consider myself fully christian, i just believe in the existence of religion and life after death in general. anyway, i get very triggered every time i hear any word that has to do with religion. i always feel like i have to quickly pray or else something bad will happen or ill accidentally summon a demon or something. just writing this is making me nervous and i lowkey just prayed😭😭. and by pray i literally mean just a quick "in jesus name i pray, amen." or a "i claim no negative energy, amen." i also feel the urge to pray anytime i have something at stake, like a concert or a test, and i'll distress myself over these events and convince myself ill fail if i don't pray and anger god. and like i said, im not even sure im christian so this seems silly, i know! but i literally pray in my head hundreds of times a day and it's really frustrating and time consuming. also, i never feel like the prayer is "enough", so sometimes ill get caught in prayer loops where i just keep reciting the same thing in my head until i feel satisfied or get distracted. one time, i even convinced myself my stuffed animal was possessed by a demon and had a panic attack (i was aware it was irrational but you know how OCD is). i really need help because simple words trigger my OCD now and i can't enjoy things i used to, like horror movies, anymore. it's taking too much time out of my day and too much energy out of me. simple tasks are becoming distressing. does anyone have advice or a similar experience?

It’s so exhausting not feeling like I’m doing anything right and just feels like so much pressure and that it’s deeper than just the struggles it’s actually spiritual and the spiritual battles it is just intense. And how do I know if I’m being fr how can I meditate on Gods word and not just read it to read it or what if I’m just religious and want to say I love Jesus but don’t follow him cuz there’s grace but then willingly sinning and the if we keep on deliberately sinning after we received the knowledge of truth there’s no sacrifice left and I know that no one on here can save me and it has to be my personal choice to accept the savior and I should ask him myself but it’s so hard

Just curious if anyone else deals with this. I have ocd related to specific things related to relationships, religion, checking, things like that, but I also wrestle with an anxiety that comes up sometimes that’s like this… undefined existential dread like I need to DO something to get rid of this horrible feeling, but because the feeling is so non-specific, there’s nothing to do, and it makes me feel like screaming sometimes but I don’t even know what the problem is. It feels pressing and urgent in the same way ocd compulsions do, but there’s nothing to actually DO except internally panic, try to distract myself, and repeat. It’s annoying because it isn’t a specific anxiety that I can define, and it isn’t a compulsion that I can work through with therapy, it’s this just. Vague feeling of “something is deeply, terribly wrong and you need to do something to fix it”, but I have no way of trying to address it. Does this have a name? Is this something that anyone here relates to, or is it maybe something unrelated to ocd?

of OCD jumping to new “areas of concern”once I finally start making headway with accepting uncertainty about a previous body part. This disorder is too smart, but I am resilient even though I’m so so exhausted of dealing with it. I want to put all of my fears and worries down, yet I find it’s still difficult to let go of habitual, reactive patterns of behavior. Please, brain, just stop scanning for “threats” and tricking me into thinking extreme worst case scenarios. *I didn’t see a body/face dysmorphia subtypes but this is in reference to that

This is a question that I've been pondering since... ever. I feel like I've wasted so many years being controlled by fear + perfection. I know that to start living, I just have to do it, but why do I keep holding myself back? I choose comfort every single time. I choose waiting for the perfect moment, when the perfect moment SHOULD be NOW. There's so much I want to do in life, so many things I've wanted to be. When I was little, I wanted to be a princess, then a pop star, and after that, a zookeeper. But as I grew older, I didn't feel a connection to any sort of career or subject. There were things I enjoyed, but it was never anything I wanted to make a career out of, and I remember always feeling behind... But this past year or so, I've discovered so much about myself ever since being diagnosed with OCD. I have pushed myself to try so many new things, and I feel ready to get my life in order. I just don't know where to begin? And I'm stuck in this cycle of making excuses for myself. "I'll do (xyz) later," and then I never get to it. "I can't do (xyz) because blah blah blah—" but if I really, really wanted something, wouldn't I do anything I could to accomplish it? I just feel stagnant. I set so many unnecessary and impossible requirements for myself when trying to start or get anything done. I want to preserve nature and its inhabitants, but also historical artifacts (and history as a whole). I want to help humanity and to make the world a better place in all the ways I can. But I overwhelm myself in the process. It's always too much or too little with me :( Sorry for ranting. I guess, does anyone older have any advice to stop holding myself back? I know I'm young, but I feel restless. I want to be doing more than I am.

I've been in therapy for a year and a half now (and I had seen other therapists before). Tonight the subject casually came up into a conversation with my parents, and they both agreed that therapy isn't really helpful and it's something for rich people. My dad asked me why I'm still doing it, and it was very sceptical on its benefits. I would like to tell them they're wrong, but there is a part of me that says: "What if they are right?". I've been dealing with sexual orientation ocd for years now, and while I think I'm more capable to handle the worry, I still struggle a lot and I still can't stop ruminating. I don't have clarity, and I still wonder if I'm lying to my boyfriend and I shouldn't be with him. I kinda hate myself because I often feel stuck, stuck in my thoughts and in my worries, unable to take my life back, to be fully alive and to appreciate and love the people around me.

Hello, im pretty sure i have SO OCD but there is a lot of things making me doubt it. By the way, I’ve taken SO OCD tests, always came back with severe SO OCD. I also took general OCD tests, and they came back severe as well. When I always get these results, my brain can’t relax for just one second, so it tells me that I’m lying to the test (I’m not I’m pretty sure at least) and I go back into a cycle of thought, compulsion, VERY temporary relief, the I get thrown back into distress. I just haven’t been diagnosed by a professional yet.I’ve had it for two months now and in the beginning, it was constant stress, fear and intrusive thoughts. I always had a thought about being lesbian in my mind. ALWAYS. But now, since a couple months have passed, I feel like I’m accepting being gay. It’s weird. Like right now my thoughts manly consist of “you’re gay, stop using SO OCD as a coping mechanism” and “you’re thinking about it less because you’ve accepted that you’re gay.” I’m pretty sure I’m not gay, but SO OCD has convinced me otherwise. My attraction to men fluctuates intensity, but it’s always there. My “attraction” to women however, usually just gives me fear, not because I don’t want to be gay, but because I don’t think it’s me and I don’t want to live a life that’s not me. Like my parents are very supportive, and all my friends are allies, so I have nothing to be scared of but losing myself, which I think is a core fear. But now, It’s lingering constantly, but I’m not always feeling terrible like I was in the beginning. It just feels like I’m depressed and in my mind “you’re gay, just accept it” is always there. I DEFINITELY still do compulsions though. I can’t resist. What do I do? I need help.

It all started 6 years ago when I was 27 years old when I was really stressed at work and my friend said well here's some gummies they have to THC they help you relax.I didn't think anything of it I just popped that thing into my mouth not there a few minutes like the world started distortionating and freaked out because I'd never I done drugs before only like alcohol. It was a hell of a nightmare that night. I keep thinking I didn't feel right and the world felt unreal. etc I asked my sister to take me to the ER the deal all the test said I had the AC on my system and then I have to stay awake at the hospital the doctor concluded I had seizure so she sent me neurologist I was taking the medication normally and then months my friend gave me the THC gummy again 😅. I didn't put 2 and 2 together the first time. Well said let me try it a little bit I'll take it at home but I tried a little bit just a bite during wind again did the world distortion 😑. And that's when I realized it was the gummies but it was too late. I was scared having a panic attack wondering if what was happening was real the world was real if the people were real what was real what was not real in and out of consciousness. And after that day did panic attacks happen that anxiety the depression daily panic attacks daily that I was going crazy. I asked my family to go take me to go get mental health and they gave me medication anxiety subsided a little bit but the intrusive thoughts did not. Always having those thoughts if the world was real if everything were real, if the present was real what if I was crazy and everything was happening in my head what if I was dead etc etc etc anything to do with reality I also got desrealization along with the panic attacks. I tried telling me to this soon my psychiatrist you looked at me like I was crazy and he looked confused. Well long story short that's MY PURE OBSESSION OCD is thinking of the world me around is not real somehow basically. My question is should I drink alcohol to desensitize from it or not because that triggers my obsession and make is really bad

This peaked during the pandemic, but for a while my OCD would tell me that everyone was actively trying to kill and humiliate me at all times. I was convinced that there were cameras in my house and toilets and showers, and i refused to shower for a week at one point. I convinced myself that people could see through my eyes and just felt super watched and paranoid at all times, and would sometimes have panic attacks at school because of these thoughts. I also couldn't leave my food alone in a room because i thought "they" would poison it. Who was "they"? Idk i just felt super paranoid all the time. These thoughts greatly impacted my life. For example, one time i was making myself food and i spent 30 mins picking out the right bowl because i had convinced myself that all of them were poisoned but one of them. However, i was aware that these were irrational thoughts, but you know how OCD is. I became heavily suicidal because since i thought people were planning to kill me, i wanted to be the one to take myself out. it was a super dark time and my mom wasn't supportive at all. when i opened up to her, she took it as a stab at her parenting and grounded me. i eventually saw a therapist and am mostly better but i still have my compulsions from this time. to counter these thoughts i created incantations i would recite in my head, and in my head it felt like these phrases were like magic spells that could, for example, turn off the cameras in my house. i had a different phrase for every OCD thought and some have merged into one, but i still recite them to this day and it takes alot of time out of my day. for example, before i shower i have to recite my phrases or else i feel super panicky. i also have rules for them? like i can't recite the same phrase more than one time in an hour or it will cancel itself out and i won't be able to "turn it back on" until the next hour. anyway, i know this was a lot of words, but im just curious on if anyone had a similar experience and what classification these OCD thoughts even fall into.

Hey, Ive been dealing with rocd for 4 months now and im feeling like its getting slowly better. However, i think because rocd is letting go, so-ocd decided to step up. For the record, im homoromantic and bisexual, in a lesbian relationship. My first so-ocd-like thought was what if i should be with a man instead of a woman, because lately i feel more aroused by male genitals. It caused me a lot of anxiety because i never had this kind of thought in my life. Ive never really been attracted to men in real life. Ive never had sex with one and i never saw myself marrying a man. But i keep getting thoughts that i want to be with them and i want to spend the rest of my life with a man but i know thats not what i truly want and ofc i dont want those thoughts to be true because i know i love my gf and i want to marry her. The worst part is that i started to check my attraction towords men and imagining being in a realtionship with them and it makes me disgusted a little with myself. I also think that my thoughts about men are more related to rocd rather than to so-ocd, because i feel like my brain is constantly trying to convince me to leave my gf. No matter what reason and its just coming up with new ones every two weeks. Do any of you guys know what can i do to get rid of this problem? Please help i cant live like this.

I’m not sure how to handle this so I come for some advice and maybe tips on how to handle the ROCD. Basically, my boyfriend had a friend group some years ago, they stopped talking to him in a way that made him feel sad. I have no friendship with them and honestly don’t care about them nor like them. They go to my school, I see them in the hallways sometimes; here’s the problem, I waved to them and they waved to me for some time after they stopped talking, I thought nothing of it and didn’t even register for a sec that it was them waving at me, how? Well I used to wave at people if they seem familiar to just go on about my day and avoid embarrassment or comments about being rude later, I kinda used to do it as a reflex so that doesn’t happen, now I don’t anymore, but sometimes happened more when I was stressed and dissociating because school is just an extremely stressful place for me where mu thoughts are racing and I’m only concerned about surviving the damn day, not really present, and just thinking about how to relax which puts more pressure on me. I don’t say this to justify the waving, it’s an explanation of why I did it. Something my grandma told me when I asked for advice was that I didn’t do it with intentions of being friendly to them or making my boyfriend feel hurt, and that made me feel better because it is true, but the guilt and doubt and rumination and memories and everything honestly, are eating me alive I’ve been ruminating about this and feeling extremely guilty for it, my mind makes me feel like it’s the end of the world and I should be punished because it feels like a form of betraying and I feel this is something that could actually make him feel hurt. I’ve been meaning to apologize because in my eyes it’s better to be honest and I always wanna be honest to my partner and give him the power to decide how to feel about this situation. I’ve been putting it off however because my mind tells me “What if instead I make it worse and he feels my explanation is really stupid and that I did this on purpose? I mean my explanation tho true, could sound false and stupid” “What if this is confession OCD or just a compulsion to apologize and I make it worse due to being so anxious?” “What if I make the problem worse?” and the one that sets me back the most, “I need to be regulated in order to properly apologize and approach this with a cold mind since I don’t wanna feel so guilty he ends up conforting me or carrying my emotional load instead of me carrying and caring for his” This is also important: I’ve been having memories which I’m not sure are even true, I have a distant memory about the moment this happened, because yes I was there and yes this makes me feel EVEN WORSE I kinda remember saying they wave at me and I wave at them and him telling me it’s ok and he doesn’t really mind, the memory is so distant I can’t tell if it’s actually real or it’s just again, OCD! (wether real or not tho, I still feel the need to apologize again and it’s my intent ) I’m pretty tired of ruminating and beating myself up and I feel like it’s kinda complicated to talk now that he moved away and we’re long distance, I’m gonna cry more than I already have I also have been dying because the thoughts and guilt and doubt are all eating me alive and it creeps whenever I say I love you, whenever I make a gift or card or say anything with love. My mind is bullying me and I’ve been beating myself up about it. I’m stuck and confused and anxious Please share some advice if you have

I’m in treatment, but I feel discouraged because I was told that OCD is permanent and won’t go away. I feel like my motivation has been destroyed. I need some encouragement to keep going — is that realistic? Also, I face daily pressures every day, and there’s so much stress. I’ve heard that stress keeps OCD alive — is that true?

My ocd has gotten pretty bad over the past couple years and it’s really hard for me to move around even in my own house. Like if I see someone in my family take out the trash, the floor, or touch something else dirty then touch a doorknob, kitchen counter, chair, etc then I try to make sure no part of me touches those things. At this point it feels like everything is dirty and there’s constantly things blocking the walkways that I have to avoid. I feel like I have to move around my house like I’m trying to avoid the lasers protecting the safe in a bank in one of those movies.