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I literally hate being at school so much I’m so fat and ugly and my hair looks bad already even tho I blow it out and ppl probably look at me and think I’m embarrassing myself for trying

Here’s what happened! I saw a tiny kitten on the street, probably around two weeks old. He came near my foot, crying, “meow, meow.” I’m not used to adopting pets and with my contamination OCD, it’s hard for me to touch animals. But this baby kitten looked so helpless and its eyes seemed infected, it couldn’t see properly. I took it to the vet, got the prescribed medicines and brought it home. Now, it’s staying with me. I wash my hands every time after touching it or giving it medicine or foods. I’m absolutely loving this little baby kitten! But it's been 2days I'm washing my hands too much that they hurt!

I have been having on and off flare ups of harm OCD for almost the past year. What makes it the most hard for me is that its all mental compulsions which makes me doubt that i even have ocd because my compulsions are harder to identify. I get really scares urges/ images that makes me getting this rush of anxiety throughout my whole body. I also have not had an official OCD therapist but with other therapists ive done forms that they have told me I have ocd. But for some reason i fear this isnt an official diagnosis and im making everything up? Anyone else have helpful words or just something to give me hope❤️

i am settling into what i imagine will be a long lasting relationship with one of my best friends we recently started dating about two months ago. at first my ocd didn’t bother me at all but then she started talking about being scared that she isn’t good enough for me and that im not attracted to her or one day i wont like her anymore or something and like i think it triggered my ocd because now im like hyper analyzing how i feel around her and im always so anxious and aware kf how i feel and if i feel anxious when im talking to her i’ll be like omg i feel bad when talking to my girlfriend that must mean i dont love her anymore. anyway yea its annoying, it really takes away from our time together because i never feel all there because i dont want her to know im having those thoughts because i think it would make her feel so much worse im scared she’ll think i dont like her anymore. i dont know…. let me know if you’ve also experienced this kind of rocd - WHAT HELPED???

Does anyone watch any really intense pastors that don’t sugar coat the Bible like Philip Anthony Mitchell or people like that? I want the real truth but feel like it spirals me

Recently, since completing my year long therapy program and being connected with NOCD (and now in the transitionary period and waiting for the green light from insurance to work with an OCD specialist), I've been trying to convince myself to go out more and go to public places--to go shopping again, order food in-person, maybe to meet someone, get extra work, something! But...many days, basically EVERY day, my OCD bullies me into thinking my intrusive thoughts are the ONLY certain thing that WILL happen that day, even though they haven't. I worry I can't be around people, or that I pose some risk to others, and that it'd be better for the world, if I stayed in my family home. Unless I've been explicitly given a task by an immediate family (drive someone to an appointment/work/a commitment that they can't get to themselves, or the 1 part-time job I have), I'm to remain in the house, mostly my room. It's this paralyzing time-vampire, that just saps you of your will to do ANYTHING or break out of familiarity. Not even comfortable familiarity, just familiar. You know it's not good for you, and your over it, and that new better opportunities exist just outside of those doors, but so do the narratives your intrusive thoughts write. And why would you go out and risk turning an unpleasant page, when the familiar story you know all to well, and read every day has as serviceable. Not a good end, not a bad one. Just a temporary end. You revel in being able to put your head down on your pillow, at the end of the day, and close your eyes, simply because you made it through the day. You didn't accomplish much, due to satiating your obsessions with your compulsions for hours on end, but your pillow still feels so rewarding...your reward for surviving, even though you'll be deploy to that hellish battlefield in your mind again tomorrow.

when you guys go to memory lane and remember when you were very very little your interaction with other friends, do you guys experience a feeling of equality in maturity with the other triggers while remembering their interactions? like you become a child again and remember the way you felt and perceived an interaction with a trigger. if so is that normal? i don't really like it, it bothers me, but if that's supposed to happen i guess ill just move on.

tw: mention of SA & suicide 18+ I’ve been experiencing different themes & today I was going thru fitness goals for petite women on reddit & seeing their hard work. I thought to myself, “if they can, so can I” & well I have more thought abt me going back to a healthy weight & it made me feel good. it’s like I can’t wait to finally be freed of this obesity. anyway, a couple days ago I went to the store with my baby brother & while shopping, there were two men towards the back of the store. some lady came up to me & asked where condensed milk was at bc she couldn’t find it. I didn’t know either but went looking with her. she told me one of the men in the back was following her, so I stood close to her. eventually she went another way to look for the item. I thought to give it another try and as I was walking thru the aisles, I noticed the two men who had finished talking with an older woman. I don’t make eye contact with anyone at the store, ever. unless I’m greeted by the employees, but that’s it & I do a quick glance. so I’m abt to enter into another aisle and the men pass by & I’m pretty sure I was being verbally harassed bc he was calling me names and cursing. nobody else was nearby. I didn’t even do anything to this guy. inside I wanted to clap back, but remembering the youtube videos I watched of women coming across hostile/insecure men, I realized that it was best to stay quiet. as much as I talked abt deleting myself in the past, I did not wanna put my brother and I at risk and die at the hands of a man lmao. I wanted to make it home alive. now that may seem extreme, but u never know. the reason I mention this is bc while I envisioned myself in my ‘dream body’ (just healthy), I began to have thoughts of, “what if I start to get verbally harassed by men?” I have bought clothes that I found were beautiful and thought it would fit my theme. I’m just worried men will try to SA me and they’ll say something like “she was asking for it” bc of the way I dress. and the types of clothes I have are cute/beautiful tops to go with jeans. literally halter/blouse tops. it’s bad enough for women but I feel like it can be even worse for me as a petite woman. even worse if they think I’m underage & still go for it. unfortunately, I’ve been approached by grown ass men as a minor in the past & each time it felt disgusting. this was when I had a healthy weight too. hopefully in a year or two I can make myself appear older bc I do have a somewhat youthful face. my height doesn’t help either lmao. I hope the clothes I have and some others that I’m planning to get will help me achieve an ‘older’ look. I’m pretty confident I can do it. just need to lose the weight and do some styling. soooo, to conclude, I’m just worried men will try to have their way with me. idk if this is ocd or a true worry of mine. bc it is a genuine issue for women. shit is real.

my parents just made me have a phone call with some psychologist and without going into detail about my POCD, and the psychologist said she doesnt think i have OCD. and im having a breakdown. i dont know what to do.

I found out more information about my husbands past and my brain is like what if you can’t handle it. What if you never loved him. And it keeps picking out flaws about him. My brain keeps trying to get the connection back but I’m very dissociated. I try to not do mental compulsions. But I feel like everything I’ve done is compulsive all my life. This is the hardest crash I’ve had with OCD in 15 years. I found out info after we got married that wasn’t a dealbreaker at all. But it went against my irrational beliefs I guess you could say. But I try to explain OCD to my husband and it’s hard to just “get over” stuff. He is a great person and kind and I know that editing the relationship the retroactive jealously and same things would apply. This only happens when I get really close to somebody. And ocd wants perfection. How have people gotten over this with very severe ocd with legit every theme? Especially with no emotions and constant anxiety. I also don’t work or anything. OCD has crippled me. But this is the worst theme I’ve had in a long time and it hit me 2 weeks ago. The thoughts keep looping in my head and all I feel is anxiety. I don’t want to hurt our relationship. I am feeling really guilty about myself too. And trying to run towards the anxiety. But it’s all consuming. 24/7. Plus other life stressors. I try to distract and I try to do other things. But I’m not even here. This isn’t his fault at all and it’s an internal battle. I also have shit self esteem. I confessed some of the thoughts to him even. Which is a no no. 😞

I know confessing is not necessarily positive all the time but it’s important for me to say this anonymously so that I can say it one day to my therapist. I have become terrified to look at Asian people. My ROCD attached to my boyfriend’s racist past in his early teens, and despite his genuine effort towards change and the fact he’s been an incredible partner to me as a POC We’ve had some amazing conversations and he had made so many choices (dropping friends, reporting racism in institutions, standing up for me, advocating for minorities online, boycotting) that prove he has truly changed over the years. However my OCD’s attachment to his past has become the main theme of my life and was the reason I first sought therapy- I felt like I was going insane, like there was a physical, staticky, black wall between us. I’d have images of people of colour and things I knew he had said flash in my mind. I feared and imagined the judgement of all around me, while being genuinely happy to be with him. Last summer while in conversation he almost said a racial slur regarding Asian people (while reading it and referencing it). He stopped himself before he finished the word and apologised profusely. But it spiralled me into a depression- for a while I almost couldn’t even get out of bed. I felt debilitated. It made me realise there was something wrong. Since then (over a year) I feel genuinely fear, sometimes edging on terror when I see, talk to or interact with Asian people. On social media I can’t watch them in videos, in person I find myself between staring and being unable to look. It makes me feel disgusting. I’ve convinced myself it means I must be truly, deeply racist, even though I’m a POC. I’m getting better, over time, but also I’m so afraid still. I want to watch their content, I want to form authentic friendships, but my brain tells me I have betrayed them, that they wouldn’t want to be my friend, that they would hate me, that I don’t deserve to be in their spaces, that I’m racist and so is he. I’m not yet ready to tell my therapist. But u am grateful to have told all of you.

Anyone get this in the beginning and it go away? I posted yesterday how I was feeling pretty good. But realistically it’s only 2 weeks into 5mg so it’s early on and I’ll probably need to move up to 10mg. I’m feeling out of it today like the anxiety isn’t there but it’s like derealization/a calm anxiety if that makes sense lol. Like I just don’t feel real:/

I am very new to this app and to accepting that I likely have OCD. I am not diagnosed yet, but I have suspected that I have it for years now. I think ignoring it/feeding the reassurance loop led to my first really bad panic attack a few days ago that put me in the hospital and essentially forced me to stop hiding my struggle from my loved ones. I had another one last night, and out of habit I’m already hiding my feelings from my loved ones. I’m having thoughts that I know are OCD but they’re very hard to get past because they feel so logical? Some examples: -I shouldn’t tell anyone because it wasn’t as bad as the one that hospitalized me -my loved ones are already tired of hearing me talking about it and I feel bad burdening them -I just had the last one and if I tell people about this one I’ll look like I’m attention seeking -I don’t want people to ask what the trigger was so I shouldn’t bring it up if I don’t want to have to answer that question I’m naming them here not for reassurance, but to help myself hopefully label these things as OCD per usual trying to keep me from getting help. The hardest part of this journey so far has been accepting that there are so many things that feel like normal, rational thoughts and feelings that having been hurting me and feeding a vicious cycle for years on end. It feels unreal because these things have become such subtle integrated parts of my life and my routine, and telling myself those things are harmful just feels wrong. It’s like what I have considered my “gut feeling” for years isn’t actually my intuition looking out for me, but is an overactive fear response that has been isolating me from everything and I’ve never questioned it because the isolation, the reassurance, feels good and like the right thing to do. How do I push past these thoughts and be honest with my loved ones about my struggling? How do I rewire my brain to stop the reassurance seeking and compulsions when it’s the only thing that’s made me feel better all these years?

I was just on tik tok and I seen this girl talking about how she only stayed in her relationship cause she didn’t wanna hurt him, but she was mentally gone and now I’m panicking, and I’m scared. It triggered me so bad, and I’m numb, like I don’t feel anything for my bf and that scares me. It feels like when I say “I wanna be with him” that I’m lying. Idk what to do, it feels so real, and I try to just sit with the feeling and the thoughts but then it feels like I’m giving into them, and the urge to leave get stronger. I’m scared this isn’t ocd. Idk what to do

Hocd now tells me that I do have OCD but I'm gay at the same time which means I'm gay and obsessing over being one bcz my religion doesn't allow it so it's a part of religious OCD. I don't know why the more this theme stays, the lesser interesting the life gets and the worst is that I don't feel much anxiety from this specific symptom so it's sickening. I just feel exhausted and dead to fight anymore. Bcz of these constant thoughts I feel like I really am gay and just devastated now

I enjoyed going to the concert and I had just regular earplugs but of course my OCD after it feels like my ears are ringing and now I’m worried I did damage to my hearing or have tinitius. I’m afraid I should’ve got professional earplugs. I have been worried for a week straight

I've recently found a way of dealing with my intrusive thoughts and compulsions, but now that I don't get anxious about the thoughts I feel oddly empty, like I keep wondering whats going on, why is this not hitting me like it used to. What do I do with myself now? I don't miss the way these thoughts had a choke hold on me, but I feel like I need to fill my life with something better, but i just don't know what. Has anyone else had this happen?

Does anyone else experience this? Every single look my partner has that somehow involves another woman, no matter who she is, triggers me. Today He looked at a woman multiple times. Today he told me he could understand if I got jealous over a young woman, but in this case, I was jealous about a 45-year-old waitress. We are both in our twenties. He apparently looked at her simply because there was movement, so everything was without any intention behind it. It didn’t come out of his mouth, “You don’t have to worry, I’m not interested in other women.” I asked him why he doesn’t say that, and he said that for him, it’s just obvious not to look at other women. Because he usually tells me that he doesn’t look at other women, and now suddenly he doesn’t say the sentence because it’s obvious to him and that’s why he doesn’t say it. Every look triggers intense jealousy in me. I also find myself worrying about contradictory statements, like when he says he doesn’t look at other women, but then there was a situation where he did look — and I can’t just let that go because it makes me feel so uncertain. Should I use ERP here, or does this sound like a real relationship problem? I’m really struggling to tell whether this is OCD or not, and whether I should practice ERP or talk to my partner. In my eyes, it’s a contradiction, and I can hardly stand not bringing it up. Next situation : I’m having a really hard time figuring out if my reaction is OCD-driven or if it’s an actual relationship problem. Some time ago, my partner and I had a conflict about him looking at a woman. At first, he said he didn’t look at her and didn’t even know who I meant. Later in the conversation, he said he had looked in that direction, but not at her specifically. For me, this feels like a contradiction — first saying he didn’t know who I meant, then saying he looked in the direction. My mind instantly goes to: Was he lying? Was he hiding something? and I can’t stop replaying it. I’m stuck wondering: • Is this just a change in wording/memory that I’m overanalyzing because of OCD? • Or is it a sign of dishonesty that I should address in the relationship? It’s so hard for me not to bring it up again to “get the truth,” and the uncertainty feels unbearable. This is why I’m unsure if I should treat it as an ERP opportunity and let the doubt be, or if it’s something that should be openly discussed. did it sound like OCD? should i do ERP here or should i talk about it ? i’m so helpless right now.

So I grew up Christian and walked away from my faith as a teen for 12 years I recently came back to my faith for about 3 weeks and then I started scratching my scalp raw with bleeding scabs from my anxiety due to this worry of condemnation and am I sinning am I not sinning am I going to go to heaven or hell. I have officially left my faith again and feel kind of guilty about it. I believe that the world is about love and am spiritual but not religious but my OCD has been so bad about it that I can't believe in Christianity anymore. I can't even hear the name Jesus or heaven or sin or bible without feeling like I'm gonna throw up. I can't believe that a loving God sends people to hell. I can't live my life in fear. Has anyone else had to leave their faith for something more peaceful and less judgemental because of their OCD? Please no judgement or anything about how the Christian God is the only way.

When I cannot trust my own written down memories, I don't want to go through an ERP or accept uncertainty! What do we live for, if we cannot just believe, what we had experienced.. ? All I want is to believe all of my good and the bad experiences actually happened!