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“Let the future go quiet. Let the past stay still. Come home to now, the place you have power. The place you can truly live.”

So I talked to my therapist about some things, and I’m doing a lot better. I’ve realized I’m obsessed with infatuation and feelings. When I expect to feel really goodly eyed over my boyfriend I don’t, sometimes I am most of the time I’m not. However I cuddle him, have desires for sex with him, I love him, I love being with him, he’s funny, his personality is attractive. I also want my physical attraction to grow. I’m afraid if I don’t look at him an ogle that it means I should be with someone I can do that with.But physical attraction is fleeting. He’s amazing he should be the father of my kids, I am not wanting to give up. This is half ocd half not. I wand to feel a certain way but honesty ? I have to allow myself to feel these things and stop fearing. Like allow myself to reflect on his heart and the things I love instead of focusing on obsessing over something I don’t like.

TW: mice/rodents; contamination/virus; feeling unsafe in my home Hello, I'm new to the community, and new to OCD at 42 years old. My OCD is about contagion but specifically around mice and a virus some of them carry (hantavirus). For background, my husband and I have been in our house for a little over 10 years, and in all that time, there have been mice coming in and out through what we've discovered are chew-holes in the sill plate where the house frame sits on the foundation. Mice are gross, but we never saw evidence of them in the actual living spaces (only attics and cellar), and I was okay knowing they were there. I was a new mom when COVID hit, and the anxiety over that ratcheted up my general anxiety, which was never awful but definitely had me thinking more about contamination and contagion in a big way. Two years ago, I found mouse poop in the upstairs where the bedrooms are, got some traps, never caught anything, and then ended up actually SEEING a mouse come out from behind the toilet. It went back into the wall before we could catch it. After that, I got steel wool and expanding foam and plugged up EVERY hole in the house--mostly pipe holes for the radiators, toilets, sinks, etc. And I was still OK. Then, two months ago, I was in the cellar doing laundry and I saw a larger-than-usual dropping, bigger than mouse OR rat droppings, I thought, sitting on top of the dryer. I was like...hm, that's strange. I mentioned it to my Discord writing group, most of whom live in the Midwest (this will become relevant), and one of them said "oh, you have to be careful with mice, they carry Hantavirus. My husband had it a couple of years ago and it was really scary." I didn't know what hantavirus is, so I looked it up and found out you can contract it through breathing/contact with mouse poop, urine and saliva. The sickness that results from hantavirus has a 40% mortality rate, which scares the heck out of me b/c that's really high. Further research told me that the CDC started tracking Hantavirus in 1993. Between then and 2022, the latest of their available data, there have been fewer than 900 cases in the entire US; 96% of those cases were west of the Mississippi, and there has been in that time only ONE confirmed case in the state where I live. So, objectively, the risk of me or my family contracting this virus from our local mice is low. And I wouldn't think about it at all, except that there are still mice in the house. We've had a pest company setting and managing traps this whole time; recently they also came to plug the existing holes in the foundation, but they keep finding mice in their traps and they found a new chew hole near one of the cellar windows this week. We're working on a more aggressive solution (1/4" hardware cloth over the places where they're getting in), but it's slow going and in the meantime, there's still the risk of coming into contact with mouse stuff. But my brain has ballooned this into something so much bigger than that. I'm washing my hands so much that they're starting to crack and bleed and the skin feels tight. I'm afraid to go in the cellar to do laundry, because that's where the mice are. My husband has no problem going down in the cellar, which means I'm afraid to touch things around the house because what if he touched something with mouse virus on his hands? And even though I've plugged up all the holes where mice could get into the living spaces, I'm still obsessively afraid of every single surface--what if a mouse touched it? Ran across it? Peed on it? Even though I don't see mouse droppings in any of our living spaces, nor evidence of them chewing anything, I'm still losing my mind with fear. And although I've heard that folks with contamination OCD typically clean a LOT, I'm afraid to clean because what if I move the mess (we both have full time jobs and a 6 year old, so cleaning isn't always top priority) and I find mouse poop under there? This is an absolute nightmare. I hate not feeling safe in my own home. And I'm frustrated because I was FINE for so long...I don't know where this OCD suddenly came from, but it went 0 to 100 almost overnight. My loved ones are concerned and want to be supportive, but they're also not afraid and have never experienced anxiety nor OCD, so their "helpful" advice is usually along the lines of "can't you just decide to be afraid and do it anyway" or "have you tried not feeling this way"? I know this is a weirdly specific OCD but that's my story. I've been working with a therapist now for a few weeks but her breathing techniques, while somewhat helpful, aren't enough, so I need to have a talk with her about what comes next for treatment. Thanks to OCD, my world feels like it keeps getting smaller and smaller. I want to just find a tiny chair where I can sit and not move and not touch anything until all the bad stuff goes away...but I know that's not realistic, nor is is healthy. I'm just...exhausted, and frustrated, and scared, and really hopeful that I can find a way through this.

I don't know for sure if I have HOCD, but it seems like I do, I tried to accept the idea that I'm gay, I felt calm, and then I started to get scared because I didn't feel anxiety anymore, I still feel attracted to my girlfriend, both physically and emotionally, but I feel an attraction to boys, sometimes I panic when I feel attracted and sometimes I don't (but most of the time I do) and I don't want to break up with my girlfriend I want to get back to normal

Themes constantly switching. I’ve been suffering with real event ocd the last year and am currently in therapy treating it. it’s nowhere near as bad as it was last year and it’s felt like a nice break. there’s days where it gets bad but i can’t compare it to the stress of last year. However i’ve noticed every time i overcome a theme a new one hits me out of nowhere. i’ve suffered with ocd since i was 9, and ive had multiple themes. i’m in a 2 year relationship with my partner and it’s amazing. she’s probably my second proper relationship due to the fact my first relationship gave me so much fear to get into another one as i was cheated on, and needed a few years to get over that. i kind of guessed that ROCD would creep in at some point as it just felt inevitable. anyways, i know my partner is not cheating on me, she’s beyond loyal, we are so so in love but i think due to that first relationship i had, being cheated on really messed with my head. it’s like my brain is telling me my partner has someone else even though i know in my heart nothings going on, and i trust her with my life. i also think because im in the happiest relationship of my life, anything that would indicate loosing her makes me feel sick and riddled with anxiety. and i know that’s completely normal for everyone. i think the most frustrating thing is, is knowing that my OCD has finally crept into my relationship which is something i never wanted it to do. this is a brand new theme and i have no idea how to treat this. i will speak to my therapist but if anyone has been through this theme and any advice in the meantime i would really appreciate it :).

Does anyone else have a really hard time relaxing? It feels related to OCD but also maybe not? I struggle with scrupulously themes and worrying I’m doing something wrong and I feel like I’m doing something bad by relaxing when I know I still have things on my to do list (which seems to be never ending). Has anyone experienced anything similar to this?

Hey, So whenever I pray, often I will end up not feeling genuine when I pray and I don’t feel God when I pray and then I panic and end up basically trying to force my emotions to “feel right” and I repeat my words over and over and over again. It’s so frustrating and I want to stop but it’s hard. Does anyone have any tips on breaking this?

when i was kid i think abt elementary school or younger i was at church and i "mischievingly" touched the groin of a man that was a friend of my parents that i "liked" in the sense that it was like the big bro and found him endearing, it wasn't like i liked it or meant it se&ually, for me the concept of "balls" was something funny. i didn't grab it, i fleetingly placed my hand on the groin and quickly removed it and grinned. now i feel disgusted with myself and i think i committed SA. the man laughed it off to my parents saying "that's how much their son liked him". i have to put a gif because otherwise NOCD won't let me post it.

I have severe sexual and relationship ocd and recently my loops have gotten worse in the past few months since being married. He’s the love of my life and my best friend, but these loops make me feel guilty and disgusted with myself. They range from coworkers to friends and sometimes his relatives. He knows about this and accepts and loves me, but some days I’m so tired of fighting the guilt.

My parents, after 20 years together, are getting a divorce. I don’t really know how to process these emotions — I’m mad, I’m upset, and I feel hopeless. As much as I wish they would keep fighting for their relationship, it feels like they’ve just… given up. I know I’m older than most kids are when their parents split, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, it almost feels like it hurts more. Everything I’ve known for the past 18 years is changing. I won’t see my dad around the house the same way. They say they’re going to stay friends — and I hope they do — but I can’t help asking: if they can stay friends, then why can’t they just work it out? I don’t have all the answers. But the little girl inside of me is heartbroken… I don't know if I will get through this alone. I wish I had someone who is going through this or has gone through it from my age or older.

Can people please share their experiences on very low dose medications for their OCD? Maybe ones that have worked well with little side effects? Anything is helpful & thank you

I’m new to this and trying to understand why I often feel stressed and overwhelmed by leaving the house to run an errand or see a friend. My boyfriend is an extrovert and I feel overwhelmed when I think of spending time with him because I know he wants to be out and about keeping busy. We live in NYC and lately the city is just too much for me - the noise, crowds, smells. I bailed on him today in a way I’m not proud of. He deserves to have a girlfriend that can and wants to keep up with him. I want to be that person, I want to WANT to do things. It’s so hard to know what is depression, what is personal preference, what is OCD, what is circumstantial, etc. I want to show up for my loved ones, I want to keep commitments, I want to get my errands done.

Im a hypochondriac and recently I’ve been seeing posts about sicknesses and I got worried why all of a sudden they’re popping up on my page. I always think it’s a sign and it scares me especially if i accidentally skip over the videos anyone else?

I’ve been getting stuck in my understanding of OCD lately. When I have intrusive thoughts, although I have OCD, I’m not supposed to label them as part of my condition? Instead I just say maybe/maybe not? It feels like it takes the wind out of my sails a bit in recovery? Like having cancer, but when I go to chemo, I’m supposed to say “maybe I have cancer, maybe I don’t.” Would anyone be able to speak to this and increase my insight and understanding? Thank you!

just wanted to see if others struggle with real event ocd really kicking their a**. i feel like my mind is a constant battleground of every mistake ive made and they feel so huge and life altering to me that it’s hard to continue going on in their wake. just wondering if anyone else feels this way too.

I really need help. My ocd spiral has begun again over existential ocd…. That every second that passes becomes the past. Like my daughter will do something cute and my brain will go”thats in the past” it makes no sense but gives me panic attacks. I just want to enjoy my life. Anyone have this and have overcome it? Any help would be amazing!!

Every time I try to talk about what I am feeling I feel like my mind goes blank and I don't know how to start I was diagnosed with OCD and I am taking medication and goes through CBT but I didn't feel like my life was back I didn't feel like I totally understand what is going on inside my mind and why this is happening and how. I feel like there is always something missed that I can't understand . The doctor and therapist didn't define what type of OCD I have But according to what I've read I think it's pure ocd cause I am always trying to understand every single thing and if I don't analyse I feel so frightened and not comfortable and these feelings come to me in different situation even if it's not about analysing. It comes when I draw ,study ,drive a car or just thinking about anything , Like when I think about how should I start a project or a job , I feel like I am soo lost like I am in nowhere so I feel panicked and dozens of thoughts come to my mind and I feel paralysed and soo overwhelmed . And these feelings just stay for a long time without knowing what triggered it so I don't know how to face then and they stay for a long time. I am not able to do anything in my life right now Neither study nor doing my hobbies . I feel like my life is frozen and I don't know if it will stay like this forever or not. Every time I feel like I controlled my ocd and know how to live with it it comes in a different shape that I can't recognise it and it sends me to the beginning and I feel like all my efforts were for nothing . Like it keeps beating me every time. I always afraid of my next setback and I keep feeling insecure and unstable until I have a relapse . Whenever I go through a problem, even the smallest problems, I feel stuck and suffocated and unable to face it with normal flexibility. I always focus on the details of each process so that if I forget how to do it or how I reached the ability to accomplish it, I remember how I did it before. And when I am unable to remember, the overwhelming feelings and frightening haunt me I feel like I'm monitoring my life in every detail so I feel safe, and if life goes smoothly and automatically,I feel frightened Sometimes I can face and deal with OCD in a good way to the point that I can return to my normal life rhythm, but suddenly the desire inside me to achieve and make up for what I missed takes me by surprise, and then an OCD attack takes me back to the beginning and reminds me that I am not as I was before. I feel that I cannot live and achieve what I want and face OCD at the same time. I am studying medicine and I am thinking of leaving it, even though I love it very much, but I am unable to study now, but if I leave it, what I am going through in my study of medicine in any other field will be repeated. Even when I am not doing anything I feel these feelings tie me up , like I feel I don't wanna do anything until these feelings disappear I have been in this state for 4 years. I feel that all my friends are moving forward and I am stuck. Is all of this OCD? I am very lost.

I’ve had OCd my whole life since I was young. It’s just never bothered me. In January this year I had a severe onset which within a month led to some thoughts of suicide, worthlessness, etc. My OCD comes from my career choice and path to be a musician and be a professional guitarist. I play in professional bands that do wedding gigs etc. I practice incessantly and that’s where the OCD comes in. I felt worthless in February because I felt like I can never get better, I’ll never be good enough, or I’ll never achieve what I want. I ended up getting a therapist and a few sessions later I felt a lot better. I was on the up and up and no longer trying to play till 3 am in the morning to perfect something. So much to the point we dialed back sessions and I thought we were close to being out of the woods Fast forward to now and I feel back at square one. A large part of this I think is my uncle passed away and I really mourned his passing a lot. That seemed to be the catalyst for this. But now I’m at a point where once again I feel worthless. I feel like my life is meaningless because everytime I pick up the guitar I can never progress to where I want. If I don’t get what I’m working on in one practice session say a song or a solo it was a waste of time and I’m no good. Yet if I don’t play for hours on end I consider the day a waste because I could’ve been practicing guitar, getting better at my craft. And this intense OCD that makes a vicious cycle with guitar has caused me to hate it and hate that I do it. I no longer have the joy of playing like how I did when I picked it up and now I dread working and doing gigs because of it. It’s been such a long 6 month battle with OcD I just want to be better. I try to tell myself I should live a balanced and have relationships with my gf, friends, family, and that I can have those things, practice a few times a week for like 2-3 hours and achieve what I want. But everytime I say that my OCD trips out and I fall back in. My ocd says I should practice for 8 hours a day, commit myself to guitar so that I can achieve what I want. And what makes it harder is that ocd is backed up by rational thoughts like the fact that practicing does make you better, the best guitarist do practice a lot, etc. I’m just feeling hopeless. I need figure out if I want to live a balanced life or dive into guitar. Neither of them feel like the right decision, and at the same time they both do. My erp training, cbt and everything I talk about with my therapist goes flying out the window when the thoughts get heavy. I just want to be able to achieve my wants and goals on guitar and hopefully not loose my friends family and Girlfreind in the process. Yet I don’t even know what my goals are on guitar at this point because of the cycle I’ve put myself through. Idk if anyone has ever had the experience with ocd and music/career path but if anyone has insight or advice I would appreciate. Thank you 🙏

guys im so scared right now and i know my ocd is making it worse. i keep reading things online about the antichrist and whatever and im so so so scared. i keep reading things and i feel so scared like im choosing a wrong side or something. but i know i love God and Jesus. im so worried im wrong and i have no idea how to overcome this one :( sorry if this scares anyone or anything but any help would be very appreciated