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I worry I will have mental health issues the rest of my life. Not sure I could live a life like that, Not really sure why I'm posting this, I guess does anyone else have the same thought?

Hi everyone, I really need help and support right now. I’m feeling completely empty inside. I’m in a 2-year relationship with someone who truly loves me and has done nothing wrong. He’s kind, affectionate, supportive, and genuinely wants a future with me. But I’ve been struggling deeply for over a year and a half with constant thoughts and painful feelings that I don’t love him, that I never really did, and that I’m only here out of guilt or habit. Lately, it feels like I don’t feel anything. When I’m with him, when we hug, kiss, talk—I feel numb, disconnected. I keep thinking “I don’t love him” or “I’m faking it,” and it feels so real. I can’t remember what it felt like to love him. I look at old photos and feel nothing. I don’t know what I saw in him. I’m exhausted. I’ve read so much about ROCD. I’ve tried to “sit with the thoughts,” I know reassurance is not the answer, but the thoughts feel like truth now. Even when people tell me “the fact that this hurts so much means you care,” I just think: maybe I only care because I’m a good person and don’t want to hurt him—not because I actually love him. I’m terrified that this is the moment I’ve feared all along: that I’ll finally “realize” the truth—that I never loved him. Please, if anyone’s gone through something similar… how do you deal with this emotional numbness? How do you keep going when it feels like your heart is gone and all you can think about is the fear that everything you felt was fake? Thank you for reading. I feel like I’m losing myself.

Hi! It’s pretty difficult for me to get the courage to post this but I’m really struggling to figure out if what I’m experiencing is OCD or Anxiety or neither. I think I have the “pure O” type of OCD where most of my compulsions take the form of ruminating and trying to figure out something all in my head. When I hear this talked about in forums or online the intrusive thoughts don’t really match mine- I worry often about things that seem more “grounded” if that makes sense. A common one for me is my own identity- i will spend long amounts of time stuck in my head trying to figure out my feelings (often sadness or other real emotions I have and patterns I have) and why I feel that way and what in my life caused that and how it’s impacting other things in my life. I also think often about which parts of my personality are the real me and which aren’t. Sometimes this takes the form of strictly ruminating and sometimes I have fake conversations with people I know. It’s intense and I feel I have to figure it out but with no specific intrusive thought that says something like “you have to figure this out or all of your loved ones will die” but it’s very intense. I think also often of all of the decisions I need to make in the future and how they’re going to affect those I love and care about as well as how much I’ll regret them. I imagine all of the ways I think my actions will emotionally hurt others and how to make the least harmful decision, but to me this feels like a valid concern but go over and over and never come to a conclusion. I often just get scared and never make any move because I don’t see an option that doesn’t hurt someone somehow. But again I’m having a hard time identifying the intrusive thought behind it. But I also don’t choose to think about these things most of the time. This is almost all decisions but especially big life decisions. It’s such a struggle because they are things I eventually do have to make decisions about. There is so much more to it that would take too long to explain but in general a lot of my fears revolve around pleasing others/ understanding others emotions to ensure they’re okay, my own identity and personality, and work/school performance. Someone mentioned OCD to me because in my head it feels like I have to solve these things and will go over and over them but I seriously can’t figure out if it’s anxiety, OCD, or none of the above. It’s all very disruptive to my life. I am never not thinking or not trying to figure something out and I feel as if I have no control over it Anyone have any insight?

Wait. Is this a compulsion? Like I didn't realize compulsions can be something like this? Not looking for reassurance but just wondering if that sounds accurate? Thanks guys! I know I'll never get the certainty I want, but I want to feel safe to be around my nephew again. I was holding my nephew, he's a newborn, and he was getting hungry so he started squirming around and grazed my chest (yes I was fully clothed). Of course, that caused very intense groinals.. It didn't feel bad in the moment but just anxious, and without thinking, I was holding his head still right there and I was moving it closer in that spot (at least felt that way) to make the feeling continue I guess. It was such an anxious all over my body feeling. I was so anxious and triggered by that feeling. It's like my groinals were so intense I automatically leaned into them without thinking a second thought? So I ended up having another groinal. After that I put the baby down and realized what had happened then panicked so much.

Again, my sister, if she makes any movement with her mouth, I feel it like a groin (wetness) like arousel. And I looked into her eyes for a longer time in order to see if I was attracted to something and it was as if I was asking yes, yes? What is that? test same? scare me?

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... the real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... the real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... the real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

Just wondering if anyone else has shortness of breath caused by anxiety? I’ve been going through a really tough three months anxiety wise (POTS flareup; grief; migraines; panic attacks etc etc). Two days ago a new symptom appeared and it’s knocked me. Shortness of breath 😭 bc I’ve got POTS I’ve had a lot of heart tests done (multiple ECGS, 24 hour holter monitor) which all came back fine apart from the obvious tachycardia that comes with POTS. I had an echocardiogram done on Monday but no results back yet, but I had a consultation with my doctor yesterday and she said that’s probably good news bc they don’t mess around when it comes to your heart. And also my doctor has urgently referred me to a mental health team for therapy bc I basically broke down on the phone to her. One thing I’m mostly panicking about is this shortness of breath. I’ve had it with panic attacks before but this is mainly anxiety riddled feels like my breathing is too noticeable/wheezy without actually PHYSICALLY being wheezy. I’ve done my oxygen and it always stays between 97-99% so I know I’m getting enough oxygen but it does not feel that way and it’s so scary !! I also had a clear chest xray about ten months ago. Idk I feel like I’m just spending every day scanning my body because it feels OFF. Then I’ll finally relax JUST before I fall asleep and all my symptoms disappear. Then I wake up, have a nice 20 seconds before I start scanning again. It’s exhausting. Just looking for some support :(

Just came out of an 8 day dive with severe real event ocd and tonight I had a lot of peace. Is it normal to worry about going back? I just hope the feelings are residual from here on out and not as severe as they were. For a couple days there I was in pure dread. Anyone who can relate? Coming out of a really dark cycle?

My little sister is 13 we’ve taken her to a child psychologist and she was diagnosed with OCD and social anxiety and I believe germaphobia. The psychologist said that he can’t properly diagnose her with autism until her anxiety symptoms are treated. But I am very positive that she is also autistic as I am autistic and know the symptoms vary well. She was given a medication at a low dose, I don’t remember what kind, she had been taking it even tho she did not want to for a couple of months. It seemed to be helping her anxiety immensely but I believe she is scared of how the medication changes how she feels and she doesn’t like the taste. So they switched medications and that one was even worse because the taste was too strong she didn’t even try it for more than a day so there’s no way of knowing if that one was better for her or not. These are both liquid medications btw we used juice for her to drink it. Since then she hasn’t taken any medication and she has said that she doesn’t want to. We can’t force her to take the medication as that would obviously be counter productive. But since then her ocd and germaphobia have gotten progressively worse. On top of not wanting medication she doesn’t like the idea of using any coping skills like deep breaths or breathing exercises to calm down and doesn’t like the idea when I talk about ERP or therapy or any kind of treatment that could help. It seems all the ideas either make her uncomfortable or scare her. I fear somewhat that my own ocd compulsions have made her think that this is normal and doesn’t need treatment and I don’t know what to do to help understand that treatment and change isn’t scary. I also fear that I’m not approaching this right and my mom doesn’t understand ocd like I do so I feel like it falls on me to help her through this and help my mom understand what we need to do to help her. I’m sorry this is so long. thank you for reading this. She’s really struggling and it’s affecting my own mental health too and I don’t know what to do. If anyone has any tips or advice please that’s all I’m asking for.

My ocd is very cyclic so its themes change monthly, and they can feel so so inappropriate and scary to discuss. I’d love to start therapy and feel ready but my only concern is because my intrusive thoughts come in waves, I can have periods where I feel amazing and don’t experience what I’m experiencing now so what if that’s the case when I start? Any advice would be appreciated. It makes me feel like I’m a fake or that It isn’t bad enough to receive help.

I’ve looked at my boyfriend’s looks for so long that I really hope I value him as a person like he values me. I’ve entered into a mature love, that’s beyond feelings. But I want that attraction back like how can I grow my feelings towards him? Why does it feel so bleh or not like when I first meet a guy and I’m getting to know him? Comfortable?

Hi all, I’m quite new to the whole ROCD thing as I was just diagnosed after years of thinking I just “wasn’t meant for love/dating” because of how horribly I would spiral into a depressive, extremely dread-filled and horrifically anxious state of mind and immediately cut it off during the talking stage with guys. After breaking up with a guy who I truly liked and cared for TWICE, I was finally diagnosed with OCD and it all really makes sense now. It feels weird trying to explain it to others though… I don’t know if I’m alone in these feelings, but it feels like every time I start talking to a guy—usually after the first date but the worries are extreme even in the beginning when I perceive that they are starting to like me—I end up in this major depressive episode where I don’t feel real or like myself, I can’t take care of myself, I’m either hysterically crying or I feel numb, I feel completely trapped (even if we’re not officially dating yet), I question everything in case I’m missing a red flag of some kind or some hint that this person isn’t right for me (even with simple things like a guy giving me flowers, I end up thinking “is this moving too fast? Is he being weird? Is this love bombing? What if he has an ulterior motive? Why did he really give me these?” when logically I know it’s probably nothing) I feel like I’m always looking for evidence to see if they are secretly weird, if we aren’t compatible (always “casually” ask them to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test to try to find out as much information as humanly possible right off the bat due to fear of being stuck with them only after realizing their real personality) It then typically escalates to a point where I never want to check my phone in fear that they texted me, I feel smothered from any communication, I wish for them to break up/break it off with me, the thought of them just icks me out and almost disgusts me, I can’t get out of bed, I can’t stomach going out with friends or family of theirs, and I usually need to introduce 24/7 drugs of some kind (weed and nicotine) to my daily routine to cope with the feelings/use it to eat something because I can’t eat when I’m with them/due to the anxiety around dating them. With the man I just broke up with FOR THE SECOND TIME AFTER A WEEK OF DATING, it had gotten to a point—as it always does—where the pain of trying to be with them is greater than my appreciation for them. I might smile at my phone when they text me and be full of joy around them, but the portion of time when I’m NOT around them and left to just think about the relationship or observing how they are behaving rather than being in the moment is just too much. Once I break it off though, it feels like a bag has been lifted over my head and I’m finally back to my normal self. I usually need a couple days to emotionally recover, and then I’m up and cleaning my home, taking care of myself, and back to making plans with others. I feel lonely then and might miss them, but I know it’s just not fair to ANYONE right now to date someone like me. Is this relatable? Do I sound crazy? - Z

Is it possible for anxiety or a panic attack to never stop? I am wondering if this is even a reality or not. TIA!

Help please? I just feel idk..help ..

Does anyone else’s OCD look for “evidence” to help convince you whatever you’re worried about is true. Half the time the “evidence isn’t even evidence “ it’s just reaching and connecting the dots where there are no dots. If I try to disprove it it’ll be like yeah but what if this or what if that or maybe it could be because of this etc. like the other day. I could know the truth and ocd will still try to convince me otherwise. I was at the store with my bf and we were facing each other talking I saw two guys and two girls walking towards us then I looked away to talk to my bf they walked behind me and I saw my bfs eyes look down to the side for a quick second then look up at me. My brain was like oh he was looking at the girls butt because they walked behind me and he looked down to the side. I couldn’t tell you because I don’t have eyes in the back of my head. Plus other people could’ve walked behind me idk. My ocd kept bothering me so I asked him about it he said that he saw them but he looked because there was someone that almost hit me with their cart which that makes sense. However my brain still continued to try and convince me by being like he was lying if someone was about to hit u with their cart u would know or you would’ve saw them coming like the other people etc etc. Is that just OCD trying to convince me and disprove what my bf said or is my OCD right? It doesn’t bother me if that was the case what bothers me is my ocd coming up with stuff and then trying to disprove me and make assumptions and connect dots where there aren’t any. Like this is what I’m talking about, I can’t see behind my back, there are 30 other things he could’ve been looking at. He already gave me an answer that makes sense. I don’t know why he’d lie or how he’d come up with that on the spot. Feel like if he was lying he would’ve been like no I wasn’t , not told me what he was looking at. There were plenty of other people in the store that day etc.

?

I’m really struggling and I feel emotionally drained. Every time I spend time with my boyfriend — even when we do something nice, like watching old videos or just being together — I feel this heavy, painful disconnect. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t like him,” “he’s annoying,” “I feel nothing,” and it feels so real. We’ve been together for 2 years, and this has been going on for more than a year. It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly chasing a feeling that never comes. I’ve read everything about ROCD, about ERP, about how I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts… but even when I try, nothing makes me feel better. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. When he wants to see me or come over, I avoid it. I don’t feel excited. I even feel afraid of being around him sometimes because I’m scared I won’t feel anything and that confirms my worst fear: that I’ve lost feelings or never had them. My chest feels tight all the time. I feel like I’m lying to myself and to him. I know he loves me so much — he even moved to my city to be with me. And yet here I am, thinking these horrible thoughts and feeling nothing. It makes me feel like a terrible person. But I’m also just so lost. Has anyone been through this? Where it all just feels too real, like you’ve hit the truth you’ve been avoiding? I feel like I’ve ruined everything, like I’ve been forcing feelings all along, and now there’s nothing left to feel.

Do you resolve one symtpom only to be left with a new one? How can I deal with that? It's almost like one went away and another began.