Welcome to
the NOCD Community

He is afraid he will lose his alone time…What does that mean…We can’t be together ever because of his fear…Is he still strong in this relationship? Do I help him to move past all this? Give him time?

Hello, I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 25 years old. I attributed my overthinking to autism but I realised a few months ago that Pure O OCD is the most meaningful explanation for it. I am also an asexual, so I am, simply put, a shitshow of symptoms. I constantly review the past - particularly painful memories. I have a consistent fear of getting cancelled. When I was 18, some YouTubers I followed got accused of sexual misconduct and cancelled. I was obsessed and concerned for them. Others found my obsession strange. I did not like how their lives were ruined over accusation and no trial. (I was naive then to why public accusations are happening, as it is because the legal system often fails to address predatory men.) Even 6 years later, I googled one of them 240 times between January 2020 and April 2020. It was plain obsessive. When I burned bridges, I continued to search the people involved in my past dramas. Often multiple times in the same day with nothing new to see. They would likely be scared if they knew how obsessed I was with them. I have started doing ERP exercises. I wrote a script where I receive public false allegations and my life is ruined. It is forever googleable and I am a complete pariah. Completely unemployable, unliveable, even my family abandons me. I listen to it for 15 minutes on loop per day. What else would you recommend to tackle the ruminating? I wish I had this information at 18. I should have been solving these issues then and enjoying my life, not figuring it all out so much later in life.

I keep getting triggered by news stories related to my obsessive thoughts. I was feeling ok for a few days but now I'm spiralling again because of the news.

During ERP, we learn not to analyze thoughts, not to analyze feelings, obstacles, ideas, commands... because it's all an intrusion and not real. However, it's too difficult for me, because every time a picture comes out, it's all detailed and even with a sound in my head, or an urge, or an idea... to "leave" it like that and I don't come back... is that the case with anyone else? and does it ever pass? Thanks in advance

I have this issue where I can vividly imagine hurting others or animals or say things OUTLOUD that may be disruptive or disrespectful becauss I am overstimulated by soemthing someone is doing or saying. So, Over stimulation with people and animals and things they do can be a big part of it, Sometimes I will see soemthing that bothers me about someone and I just want to either fix it or hit them because they make me so overstimulated I just want to hit the problem. I never act on these things obviously but SOMETIMES it leaks out and I hit my hands together to calm the urges. I really don’t like imagining hurting others but when I get mad I obsess over what I would or could do to them or might or would’ve in a situation in the past, had it planned out differently. I keep thinking about it and thinking about it and then get upset with myself because I know it’s wrong to be thinking about hurting others and it worries me I may someday act on something impulsive and harm someone. Sometimes I cry about it because I never want to hurt people. Really I don’t. Most of these thoughts happen in milliseconds and I have a second part in my brain like a THOUGHT processor/auto corrective thinking reminding me I can’t do that because it’s morally wrong and I am too good of a person to do that and there is nothing to stress over.

In lack of better wording, Sometimes I really just feel like I don’t understand myself and I want to. So I can fix it. I’m looking in the mirror and I’m body dysmorphic, I want to see myself when I was younger and physically healthier but cant. I used to be on birthcontrol, and it made me gain 70lbs and I haven’t been able to feel the same about my body ever since then. Somehow since allowing my ex to semi control everything about our sexual relationship, I have developed a complexity of desired intimacy with myself constantly alone. Because I feel like I want to be in more control with how my sexual feelings affect me. I can’t get sexual gratification from my self sometimes even though, and then I turn to peopke. And then it turns to; I can’t be satisfied by anyone, and I haven’t had sex within a loving relationship for a long time. Because well I have been going through a lot recently. And most of the encounters sexually were in fact not in relationships, but I didn’t feel the satisfaction I was looking for and it just didn’t make sense. I have to have all the right emotions or else the moment gets ruined. If I don’t feel love for them, if I don’t think they are attractive, if I don’t like how they react to seeing my body, if I don’t like how they interact with me during the sexual encounters. And since this is so difficult I All together just don’t desire to have sex with anyone most times I feel mentally aroused. Speaking of just mentally aroused, it confuses me that my body will be physically aroused all the time and beg for satisfaction and it’s a cold burning sensation pleading for constant attention. I hate it. I can’t help but wonder why that exists when I haven’t been mentally aroused. But when it happens I can’t seem to satisfy it and neither can other people. And that somewhat altogether made a plethora of issues in my last relationship because my ex dealt with feelings of guilt and or resentment towards themselves for not being able to satisfy me.. and I would be crying from days on end recently in fact from trying MYSELF to release that feeling, but I’d try to the point my body grew sore. .. I hate it. Genuinely I feel disgusted and want to get help on how to stop this. It’s going to ruin the much healthier relationship I have now just gotten into down the line and I don’t think I can handle that. Not again.

TW: multiple good options for relationships I'm having stress about the concept and intricacies of relationships. Really, relationships of any kind. But, for example, partner relationships (I'm single btw); how do you know who's right? Aren't there multiple people who could be equally a good option? I can also miss my chance, yeah? I just don't like the intricacies and existential questioning about all my relationships, even my relationships with my friends and family... it's really stressing me out

I was told that this illness that im having now(some say its some kind of covid) is attacking people where they are the most sensitive, so it got my mental health and at first it was the fear of my health which im starting to face but now it got deeper and i have feelings of hopelessness and like a depressed feelings and thoughts like things wont get better. And i dont know where this comes from, im afraid this is actually what i believe. Dont know if its ocd or the illness actually made these problem come up what was pushed away by me... When i have these feelings my first reaction is fear and i dont know if its something i shouldnt give attention or the fear is actually bad and it makes me avoid the problem, so i should work on this depression... I dont know whats happening but its scarry and i dont like these dark thoughts. I think i suffer more because of the fear and shame of these thoughts but again i dont know if the fear and shame shows me that i dont need to give attention to these thoughts or the fear and shame actually blocks me to deal with these thoughts and feelings...

I’ve been doing okay, I’ve been a bit emotionally numb honestly. I’m stressed, tired, and just ugh. I was talking to my bf about exs and he was making a joke. An immediate comeback came into my head and for a second it felt fine. I was smirking. I felt like I was about to say this. It was a terribly mean thing that attacks things he’s told me in confidence that he’s insecure about. A comment comparing him to an ex. He saw when it hit me because I was genuinely too shocked for it to not be apparent. I had such a strong urge to confess, but I couldn’t because it was *so mean*. He’s been numb too and we honestly seem to hate each other in a loving way, and that’s somehow comforting. So, he pushed me to confess out of curiosity. I ended up telling him. He didn’t care but I’m still in so much distress. Had it been a moment where he wasn’t apathetic, had it been then and I spoke without thinking, I’m sure he would’ve cared, I know it would’ve hurt him. I feel so shocked at the cruelty my mind creates. I don’t even know if this was intrusive because I energized and felt good until a few seconds later when it felt like I got ice water thrown at me from the shock. I genuinely could’ve said this and I know there’s no point in dwelling on it now but it’s still so scary. I can’t seem to breathe properly right now. I feel so panicked. I haven’t had a panic attack in almost a week. My brain is a bully. I don’t want it to be apart of me. I feel so awful for having that thought and I feel like I’m drowning.

I don’t really know what’s going on today but I’m relapsing hard into wanting to self harm. I haven’t since I was a teenager but ive just got this itch under my skin and it almost hurts more than actually doing it would. I don’t know what to do, all the tips aren’t working. I can’t just do it either because I had a therapist who told me people who self harm go to hell. I just need to get this feeling out of me and I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure why it’s happening. I feel like I need to be punished for something but I don’t know what I did wrong. I guess this is mostly venting but if anyone has some alternatives to self punishment I’d appreciate it. Most of the tips I’ve seen have been for other types of self harm so none of it is really helping. I’ll probably delete this in a bit I just want to get it out. I can’t talk with anyone about it and I don’t see my therapist until th weekend

looked up some controversy involving a youtuber that received allegations & one of those involved minors. you already know. what did I do? submit to a compulsion and tried to compare the doings of that youtuber to mine. checking to see if I had done the same thing. then overthinking about a lot of things. read one sentence of a comment and immediately felt a flare up. had to close the website I was using (reddit) to calm down before my mind gave me horrible thoughts. I am tired of this. like I know what I like: adults. specifically older men. YET WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP REPEATING SO MANY THINGS TO MYSELF??? WHY DO I ARGUE SO MUCH WHEN DEEP DOWN I KNOW WHO I AM???? why me?

Not super ocd related but I will be staying at a treatment center for mental health soon and I'm looking forward to nit being stuck at home where I have loads of ocd triggers. I know avoidance isn't the best and honestly leaving home for a month or two might make it harder to deal with when I come back but honestly I need a break, I feel trapped here and my mum hates dealing with me and my shitty brain so it's best for all of us if I go away for a bit. Am I the only one who's contamination ocd is worse at home because I hold more value over my room? Like everywhere in the house and even parts of my room are infected but the clean parts need to stay clean but if I'm in public on a random chair I don't care because it's not my chair

I hate feeling constantly conflicted no matter what. I have noticed with food intake, I find myself going back and forth between obsessing over eating too much and fear of gaining any weight to obsessing over eating too little and fear of losing an unhealthy amount of weight and the negative consequences of such. I am getting married this year and continuously think about how I need to be mindful and not eat too much since I need to fit into my dress and feel confident on my wedding day, as I don’t want to look back at pics and be unhappy with how I look. But I also think about how if I don’t eat enough, I will look too thin and will not be confident in myself, and will look back and be unhappy. Idk. It is so hard because I am always trying to figure out what is “right” but it feels like there is no “right.” And I have a really hard time recognizing what my body ACTUALLY looks like physically, not really knowing how I appear to others

I feel like my Rocd has become more sophisticated. It’s made me feel as if my healthy loving boyfriend is this terrible person. Or I’ll be thinking to myself like “I love him”, and in middle thought I get “no you don’t”. It’s convinced me that our values and beliefs are just TOO different (we’ve only disagreed on one thing in our relationship, but we talk it out). It’s like my ocd is clinging on to every reason why I should break up, like I don’t want this anymore, even tho I do! It’s frustrating. And the idea of doing erp terrifies me. Because I’m afraid if I do erp statements, that I’ll agree with them. Can someone give insight

I understand trying to find comfort in your thoughts but what can i do if i can’t keep these thoughts to myself sometimes?

No matter what task I’m doing. If I have an intrusive thought I have to redo the task or just just completely move on to something else. I’m Christian and I struggle with scrupulosity. I feel like I have to repeat task to keep everyone safe. I’m tired of this. I know ERP is the key and I have to stand up to the thoughts but they are just so scary. I know God is with me and I’m suppose to have faith but again I’m just so scared. I can’t even fully go into detail about my theme because I don’t want to type it out. I’m in therapy and I’m told to lean into the discomfort but it just seems like an impossible thing for me to do.

Not gonna lie, I am in fact feeling a little bit melancholy at the moment, and it’ll pass, and it’s probably because i didn’t get enough sleep. But here’s the thing, there’s been a ton of changes in my life recently, and a lot of upheaval, and it’s been a very difficult time. It’s part OCD, part current events, part changes in my life. I graduated college, so I lost my classes and counseling there (and I still have NOCD, and my therapist is wonderful, and I could not have gotten through this OCD episode without her, but my counselor at my college helped me through some more of the general stuff in my life, and she was wonderful and she really supported me). I had to leave my part-time job I worked at for three years, and I’m still searching for one. My OCD spiked really bad over these last few months, my mental health plummeted, and it hasn’t been helped at all by the horrible winter weather where I live. Because the weather has been so bad and I live with my family in an isolated rural area, I haven’t been able to go to any social groups, even though they said alumni can still attend. It’s hard leaving the house because the weather seems to change on a dime, so I’m stuck inside more often than not. On top of that, there’s everything that’s happening around the world right now. I genuinely don’t know what’s going to happen. I have not felt like myself in months. A big part of that is the OCD, which i really don’t think would have been as bad if it weren’t for all of these huge changes happening all at once, leaving me isolated and stuck inside. My self-esteem has been absolutely shattered. There are video games I love and want to finish that I haven’t been able to bring myself to play because I worry that if I play them while I’m still going through OCD episodes, I’ll always associate them with the anxiety and thoughts and fears, and then I’ll never be able to play them again. I love writing, and before my OCD came back, I had a story I was working on that I adored and that made me so happy, but right now, I hesitate to write anything for it because I just feel this strange sense of guilt that I don’t know how to put into words. Like I’m not worthy or good enough to write anything for it, I guess? Like I wrote all that stuff when I felt like a good person and my self-esteem was better, and because of my OCD making me feel like a horrible person, I can’t bring myself to write anything for it. There are movies I loved to watch over my last semester at college that I don’t want to watch because I guess I don’t want to ruin my last memory of them. I don’t want to look back on the last time I watched a movie I loved and remember that I watched it while I was anxious and fighting off the OCD. There are songs I can’t bring myself to listen to because I listened to them before major changes in my life. And the thing is, all of these things are still there. None of these things suddenly stopped existing. They’re still there when I want to get back to them, but I don’t feel the same as I was when I was doing these things, and it’s hard to bring myself to, when I almost feel like I’m intruding, or ruining the last memory I had of those things. I guess it’s just hard to see that this difficult part of my life does have an end to it and that things will improve, and i’ll feel like myself again. It just feels like my life will always be separated before the most recent OCD episode, and after, and that’s not what I want. And I can’t go back to my last semester at college, but I also don’t want to lose or throw away everything I used to love. Part of this could very well be nostalgia. I just miss who I used to be. I miss feeling like I was a good person who deserved nice things, I miss writing stories I love, I miss having classes and social events and a job and income. I miss my mind being safe to exist in. I miss not wishing I was anyone else. All of this might be easier to deal with except that all of this happening at the same time has left me at absolute rock bottom. I’m not sure if any of this makes any sense or if anyone has any thoughts? I think writing it all down helped a little, though. If you made it this far, thank you for reading 😊❤️ I hope whatever you’re going through gets better, and that you have a great day/night.

So recently i had really obsessive thoughts about something and once i got over it i kept bringing back more stuff to make myself feel like a bad person. Why am i doing this? Why do i need to look for something else to burden someone with once they have forgiven me

Im having a OCD specifically contamination OCD flare up all month and I don’t want to feel this way going into March, I’ve thrown out clothes, towels, stayed up for hours doing compulsions, washed my hands till they crack and bleed, I have washing pilling up cause I’m so overwhelmed by all the extra things I’ve added cause I thought it was contaminated. It’s completely draining me to the point where I’ve become sleep deprived and are avoiding part of my home because they are deemed contaminated to me…I only moved in a few months ago, I had a roach problem and using baits and insecticides really messed with my ocd too. anyone have any tips or tricks to make this easier? I wasn’t doing this bad in January :( thankyou in advance :)

I started my journey about 6 months ago. I was a mess. Couldn’t sleep, could barely eat, and was constantly having to do compulsions. I tried a few different meds before I got on Prozac and stayed consistent with self improvement through therapy. I’m now to the point where I’m happy healthy and able to live my life the way I want to live. Not the way ocd wants me to. One of the main reasons I’m even making this post is to let you know that YOU CAN DO IT TOO. It wasn’t easy and I’m still progressing everyday but I’m at the point where I’m seeing extreme improvement and want others to understand they’re just as capable. Thanks for reading, much love and stay strong.