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Just wondering if anyone else’s spiritual OCD seems to also effect your relationship with God and push you farther away from God when you really would rather be closer?

My therapist isn’t specialized in OCD. I’m her first OCD client. She told me she’s taking courses in ERP and specifically sexual OCD since a lot of my themes are sexual in nature. I want help, I need help. It feels like every time I meet with her I get set back. I make progress a lot on my own. Sitting with discomfort, trying to accept the thoughts and uncertainty. But every single time I meet with her, it feels like I’m explaining OCD to her. She even went as far as to suggest that some of my thoughts that bring me distress are mine. I am not a cheater. They are not mine. Why on earth would they not be intrusive if I was in tears about having this thought? I feel bad. I really do because I can see that even though I can very much see her mistakes, I can also see that she’s trying to help me. I’m just so scared of getting worse. I’ve been in therapy for 5 weeks now. I feel like had it been with a specialist, I would be doing so much better. Instead it takes me days to come backs to whatever progress I’ve made alone after meeting with her. She’s a great person, she tells me she experiences intrusive thoughts too and she doesn’t have OCD which helps me feel less alone but I don’t think that’s enough for me. She’s always available for a call whenever I’m in extreme panic. I just don’t think this is working. I trust her and I tell her everything, but it feels like she’s just listening to me talk the whole time. We’re doing a workbook but she gives me absolutely 0 input. I just read my replies and she just sits there. I don’t understand the point in that. I feel so anxious right now. She wants me to get properly evaluated for anything that may be going on because on top of the severe OCD, I was also diagnosed with PMDD, GAD, and MDD by my primary care doctor but I guess she doesn’t trust those diagnoses? My psychiatrist also told me I have ADHD, which I’ve suspected my whole life but it sounds like my therapist doesn’t know how to handle OCD much less OCD, MDD, GAD, PMDD, and ADHD. She’s questioning the validity of my diagnoses instead of helping me figure out how to deal with all of it. This is so suffocatingly difficult. I’m also a huge people pleaser so how on earth do I end this thing?

TRIGGER WARNING - RELIGION AND EXISTENTIAL OCD So, now that the trigger warning is out of the way, I'd like to share a thought I had earlier. Its been brewing for a while but this is the best way I think I can word it. Are we responsible for our circumstances or the circumstances of others, or is God responsible? Is a thought responsible for it's circumstances or the circumstances of other thoughts, or is the thinker responsible? What leads what? (If anything leads at all). Does it ultimately matter if we know? Is the solution inconsequential to the answer, is the answer inconsequential to the solution, or both inconsequential of each other? It may take a few times to reread to understand 😅 sorry

TW: Sexual trauma, Child abuse, I've been dealing with not so great things that have likely been a result of my crappy childhood. Themes of helpness, power imbalance, extreme humiliation and dehumanization, abuse, punishment have been things that have attracted me. The worse the senario the more aroused I feel even if I'm morally opposed to it. Of course my OCD has taken this and run with it demanding me to prove I'm still a moral person, that I don't actually want to do something illegal to someone or a kid or something etc. That I can't just ignore or dismiss these thoughts and feelings because if I do I'll just become okay with it and god knows what I'll do. At this point I'm not sure if I have OCD and/or an egodystonic paraphilia. I know the brain can come up with royally messed up fantasies and kinks to help the brain process the trauma. But what if I was just predisposed to enjoy perverted garbage without the trauma? I don't know if I should treat this like a paraphilia or OCD, but regardless I know I do not want to be attracted to these things, hurt anyone or be a immoral person. Sometimes I get depressed and wonder if I even deserve to live if I do find out I'm a pedo or a monster or something bad. Just to be clear I'm not going to hurt or off myself, I couldn't do that to my parents who knows all about what I've been going through. Any advice for how I could look at this without giving myself reassurance?

I haven’t been on this app for quite a long time. I could go about my day without thinking about ocd and actually focus on things in my life for the past few months. I haven’t been on meds and going to therapy. But recently my ocd flared up due to the pressure of dealing with pre-college stuff. And it has gone worst than I’ve remembered. I feel so dissociated with myself. I don’t even have a ‘gut feeling’ anymore, and I genuinely couldn’t trust myself. The context of the intrusive thoughts are so absurd and disturbing. It feels like it’s eating me up and I’m becoming a mindless zombie. It’s just so traumatic.

⚠️ TW: p3d0, POCD. i'm really distressed that i've developed a paraphilic disorder (or discovered it) because it feels more real than POCD.. i see many reports here saying that they are afraid of being around minors under 15, 16, 17 years of age.. i feel my panic starting under 13. It's uncomfortable to be around younger teenagers, sure, but it doesn't sound as awful as being around children (literally). it seems like there are some "focus" ages, like 9, 11 or 12. i feel desperate because i once read in a paper on paraphilic pedophilia disorder that it is only considered p3d0 when the individual is 5 or 6 years younger than the victim of "desire". this really worries me. i don't have direct thoughts of me abusing a child, sometimes i do...they're more in the 3rd person, of children being abused or something else. they're the most degrading thoughts a human being can have. and I'm afraid they're mine, from my unconscious... i've dreamed about it a few times. It's so sadistic and cruel. becoming a bad person has always been my biggest fear. i feel like i've always been afraid of it, but i know i'm not.

Does anyone else ever like have so many POCD thoughts that it makes it hard to comprehend age in general anymore? Because I recently turned 18 three months ago and so obviously I’m like “15 yr olds are now kids” and whatever. But I started to get so many intrusive thoughts about it that most of the time when I hear someone is 15 or imagine a fictional 15 yr old in my head, my brain processes it as 15 year olds not being kids and being more mature than they are in reality and then feel arousal/attraction. And I know that’s not like… how 15 year olds really *are* so I’ll be like “oh no, they’re actually more immature and mentally undeveloped than that so it’s gross” but sometimes I can’t focus enough bcuz of anxiety or brain fog or just plain being tired to ‘fix’ my thoughts so I get stuck and feel really bad because I feel like a pedo or a creep. My friends have told me I’m not because it’s not an accurate representation of reality, so it’s just my brain imagining something that’s not true, getting confused, and finding this false perception attractive, not actual 15 yr olds. But I feel like I shouldn’t be messing up my thoughts about them this much and that my ocd which is the root cause of my messed up perception/processing of my own thoughts is making me into a creep (despite the fact I know I’d never do anything in reality because the reality of 15 yr olds aren’t hot to me) and I feel so bad when I’m unable to make the thoughts right because I feel like it’s not normal to think this way. And when I try to ‘not care’ because it’s just thoughts and people aren’t perfect, and those even without ocd sometimes will process information wrong or brains mess up cuz you’re tired and aren’t thinking straight, I still end up feeling bad and like wrong. And sometimes my brain gets confused and is like “is this actually just me wanting to like 15 year olds? or not actually caring about age and this just being how I actually view them and not caring the reality is that they’re kids because I want a weird fantasy of them or something?? Cuz 15 is a confusing age where they’re not quite middle schoolers but not like adults either so it feels awkward to me and not quite knowing how to classify them in my head, especially as I’m suddenly 18 and feeling all confused being an adult for the first time + no longer being able to like some of the fictional characters I used to like when I was younger (which I do miss because it was fun but it’s obviously never worth a child’s safety or wellbeing, even if they’re fictional idk)” it just makes me feel weird and scared and uncomfortable and a tad delusional from my own fears and my inability to process information in a normal capacity at times. Does anyone else ever feel like this? (Specifically the inability to comprehend ages and processing them wrong sometimes)?

Has anyone with medicine sensitivities, found a med that works for them? I’ve been on like 4 in the last two months and all of them had unbearable side effects on me. - Lexapro (urges felt real, almost called 911, I thought I was going to harm myself and my dogs, ended up calling a hotline and sobbing for hours every single day) - Buspar (constant panic and crying, literally could not function) - Amitriptyline (worked the best but made me moody and impulsive) - Prozac (felt petrified and frozen half the day) Has anyone found one that works for them?

My cat has a hot spot on his belly, mom thinks it's from his belly dragging on the floor when he's hunting. (He's an indoor cat.) My mom struggles with SPENDING money. But please someone tell me what I should do. It was once a small patch, I've been putting corn starch on it multiple times a day, stopping him from licking it, but I can't see everything. I just bought a cone for him, and he's been insistent on licking it. I've been begging for a vet visit but my mom pushes everything off. Hopefully the cone works. Advice would be appreciated (Picture has corn starch + flash, it's also wet)

I was wondering if anyone ever felt like something they did was intentional. For instance, I looked at a guys area and it felt intentional or automatic at the time and afterwards I felt extreme guilt. It felt like my eyes was fighting not to look but slowly just started too.

Hi everyone, I'm new to the app and this is my first time posting. I just wanted to see if folks could relate. I've struggled off and on with POCD for about 12 years. I also really struggle with false memories, thinking I have done something awfully inappropriate to children and that I just don't remember it. It's been really bad recently and I sometimes worry it's not OCD and that I'm just a terrible person in denial, or that I'm lying to everyone around me. It's so scary because it's so hard to tell what's real and what's not when it comes to my memories because even if I don't have a memory of doing something, it still feels like I have. I was babysitting my 3 year old niece a few months ago and my OCD was already in full swing and making me anxious. I sat on the couch next to her and she asked to sit on my lap so I put her on my lap but I scooched her to the side so then her butt wasn't on my lap and I made sure neither of my hands were touching her. I was so so scared that I was going to experience a gronial response since I was already worried about my OCD so I just couldn't relax because I was afraid that would happen. I did not end up experiencing a gronial response and in that moment I kept telling myself that I'm okay and I'm not doing anything wrong and I'm not experiencing any arousal because I knew I would worry after the fact that I did something wrong. I also just kept thinking to myself I hate this and this is my nightmare. I eventually got up because I couldn't experience the discomfort anymore. Now, after the fact, I am doing exactly what I thought I would. I'm worried I did something inappropriate, I'm worried I felt a gronial response, I'm not trusting any of my memories. It's just so hard and so frustrating. I want to feel normal but it feels so hard to live normally and not be worried if I've done something terrible. Just wanted to reach out to a group that I thought could relate when I'm feeling so alone!

This year got turned around when i lost my dog of 12years. I talked about this before, its a long process, it needs time, and i start to appreciate the process. What i will share is that my dog was 12 years old, he was a german shepherd and we kept him outside inna dog cage as every person here does. He started to get bitter as he became older, one time he attacked me cause i wanted to touch his legs, so after that i had a distant relationship with him. In time we got another dog and their relationship wasnt good, and at some time i got so angry that i thought if he kills this new dog i will beat him so bad, cause i was so angry and protective of my new little dog. I dont know how others will react to this, idk if it was ocd,it was just thoughts, but im still so protective of this dog, sometimes i think if another dog would attack him and kill him i would kill that dog too...maybe other pet owners feels the same too idk... But feeling that i would beat my own dog if he kills my other dog is making my feel shame now about myself, but maybe others would think the same in that situation... However because i was afraid of him cause he attacked, i was afraid to go to his cage again,cause he attacked me there and maybe he is protective of his place, so i stopped cleaning his cage, i only gave him food and water. My dad cleaned his cage but he couldnt do it alone all the time. So one day we realized he has worms on his body,we called the vet and he took out alot of worms,but it was too late cause he had very high fever,which in his age was very dangerous... He still survived some day but then one day he was just laying and breathing in pain... so we decided we dont want him to suffer anymore... It was a very painful experience, not knowing how he feels, if he feels safe,till this day i think he was horrified and it brakes my heart... I wasnt there with him in his last years as close as i was before, and i feel like he was sad, that i was with another dog. I was there with him in his last day but i feel like that was too late...That we shouldve done more things... Today i saw on the news dogs who were not take cared well and they were sick and while i was judging the people who done this i just realized we did the same. We didnt cleaned his cage that much and thats why worms attacked him(i think) and i just think that he couldve still live if we care for him, and it feels like we killed him... Idk if this is still part of grief and its a realization, or its shame talking and i shouldnt listen to it... Either way i feel bad and i wish i could change it but i cant... Thanks for your time

For years I’ve been struggling with trying to put together a routine for myself. I always end up filling my time with things that pertain to others. I see my friends all day, I like to see my boyfriend a lot (even though it’s only a weekend to weekend thing), and I’ll scroll social media. When I go on social media I tend to look at people who is no longer in my life. With this, I’ve come to a realization recently that I’ve put others over my own needs. I barely take my meds regularly because I feel like I’m constantly busy at peoples events, hanging out, or work. I don’t want kids but I’ve grown up in a family the idolizes the nuclear lifestyle despite not having it, and my boyfriend wants kids, so I feel like I’ve put myself in a position to lose my idea of what I want. Sometimes I don’t even know if I want to be with a man. I feel sometimes that people will leave me if I just do what will work for me. I could put down my drink and I think of how it will affect others, not myself. I’ve always wanted to travel and get out but I know my boyfriend wants to stay with his family so I put it on the back burner. I’ve started to get anxious about me losing out on my life and what I want to do. It makes me think I’ve always lost out on so many opportunities. I want to try to start small. Making sure I have a good routine for myself that I won’t break and then try to apply that discipline to the rest of my life. I’m just not sure how.

This shit bothers me to no end. How am I supposed to live like this? A massive contention and focus of my ocd has fallen on one of my coworkers that I get along with quite well. The problem is the fear that I have a crush on her or like her is so massive and extreme. Yetsterday was a particularly bad day…j need help. Already I was on edge because sometimes anytime I look at her my brain freaks out and starts spewing “what if you’re attracted to her” or “the possibility that your attracted to her is there” so my brain always kills me with this. Yesterday my manager asked me to fill up one of the tiny fridges and asked her to help me. Obviously this is horrible but I was super nervous and fearing everything but we get along well so it felt normal. The problem was I was talking a lot. Like I kinda didn’t stop talking. I’m not sure if this was a result of my adhd and nervousness clashing because I was so scared that I like her that it just naturally made me talk to her a lot but now it scared me because what if I was talking to her because I like her? And during the conversations I was never thinking “omg I’m talking to my crush” in fact I was thinking “what if I like her that’s why I’m talking this much?” “Or why am I talking to her this much if it’s a coworker” another problem is idk if I was just talking to much or just talking normally because maybe my mind is trying to confuse me but I’m not sure I need help

Hi. I am new here and I am really struggling. A friend of mine recommended that I join NOCD for support. I have been in a relationship for 2 years and 6 months ago, my partner lost his mother very suddenly. They did not have a good relationship, so his grief has been very complicated. I have been having a lot of ROCD and ever since she died I have been trying to find control by asking him how he feels, making him tell me things, etc, and it is so hard. Over the last 6 months he has pushed me away significantly and has taken out anger on me, usually just yelling or will ignore me or not let me touch him. we took a break last week because it has been so challenging. He is also acting out in certain ways like I said taking his anger out on me or he has a history of coping with alcohol, not often, but often enough. So I will constantly sit him down and ask him how he is feeling and I have all of these thoughts in my head that our relationship is doomed, I’m gonna be abandoned, nothing will ever be better, I am stuck, etc., that I constantly go to him for reassurance and he isn’t capable of communicating it to me right now. So I don’t know what to do? How do I soothe myself during this time and cope with the fact that I don’t know if things will get better or if they won’t… I hate ROCD!!!!!!

Hello, I wanted to share my experience and recovery journey with OCD, especially for those struggling with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. A few months ago, in August, I experienced a severe flare-up, and it was one of the most difficult times in my life. For context, I’ve always been an anxious person, and I’ve had tendencies that teetered on Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and OCD since I was young. However, this particular episode hit me harder than anything I’d encountered before. I developed intense Harm OCD after hearing a true-crime story from my mom. It only took one narrative, and suddenly I was overwhelmed by waves of anxiety, guilt, shame, and perhaps even anger, though most of it was directed inwardly, making me frustrated with myself and the people around me. I want to share a few insights that have significantly aided in my recovery, with the hope that they may be helpful to others. First, it’s essential to acknowledge that intrusive and obsessive thoughts will likely always be a part of the experience. Though this is uncomfortable and frustrating, accepting this reality is key to managing these thoughts without being overwhelmed by them. This also applies to intrusive emotions and feelings—yes, you can have intrusive emotions too. At my worst, I didn’t feel like myself. I felt utterly disconnected, as though I were a monster unworthy of existing. It took several months of consistent practice to reach a point where I could calmly use phrases like “maybe, maybe not” or simply agree with my intrusive thoughts. For example, in the throes of harm OCD, I would say, “Yes, I might harm my family while they sleep,” or “Sure, that seems like something I might do.” I know these thoughts are deeply unsettling, but it’s important to understand that this approach can be applied to any intrusive thought, feeling, or emotion. For example, with Relationship OCD (ROCD), one might think, “Maybe I will cheat on my partner,” or “Maybe I’m not attracted to them anymore.” The key is to embrace the discomfort and uncertainty. Though it feels terrifying when you’re deep in an obsession, the relief you’ll feel as you learn to live with these thoughts, rather than fight them, is invaluable. I can now go out and engage with others, something that once seemed impossible due to my social anxiety. My ability to navigate the world has improved drastically, and I’ve accepted that, yes, I will likely always have intrusive thoughts and some level of anxiety. I am unmedicated, though I am open to the possibility of medication in the future. However, I want to emphasize that it’s entirely possible to make progress without medication. If I can manage this, I firmly believe you can too. In terms of factors that can exacerbate OCD, being physically unwell has been a trigger for me. When I had the flu, for example, I convinced myself that I had Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and could not feel emotions. If you’re feeling under the weather, know that your symptoms may intensify. Similarly, certain times of the month can throw off your emotional balance, especially for women. During these times, it’s important to be extra gentle with yourself. Hormonal fluctuations can exacerbate anxiety, so make sure to practice the techniques you’ve learned, even when you don’t feel at your best. It’s also crucial to remember that self-care is foundational in managing OCD. Skipping meals or neglecting basic hygiene can make it more difficult to resist compulsions. Take care of your body—eat, sleep, shower—these simple acts can have a profound impact on your mental well-being. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a close friend going through a hard time. Now, let’s discuss what helps manage OCD: As mentioned earlier, phrases like “maybe, maybe not” can be incredibly effective. These simple affirmations challenge the need for certainty and help disrupt obsessive thinking. I know that when you’re anxious, it can be tempting to avoid situations or interactions that trigger anxiety. However, I urge you to confront those fears head-on. The more you face your anxiety, the less control it will have over you. If you’re struggling with eating, even something as small as a cracker can make a difference. Celebrate small victories—if you resist an obsession once, instead of five times, acknowledge that progress. Above all, remember that self-compassion is vital. On the days when you feel overwhelmed or exhausted, it's okay to rest. You’re not broken. You’re not flawed. You deserve love, even when it’s hard to feel it. Finally, avoid seeking reassurance—especially from yourself. I know it’s tempting to tell yourself, “I would never do that,” but instead, try responding with, “Maybe I would do that. Maybe I wouldn’t.” This approach helps break the cycle of seeking certainty and makes the intrusive thoughts less overpowering. In conclusion, acceptance is not the same as agreement. It’s natural to slip up from time to time, but as you continue practicing these techniques, they will become more effective. I hope this message brings some comfort to anyone who may be struggling. There is a way forward, and you have the strength to reclaim your life. Good luck to all of you on your journey. You are worthy of peace and healing.

I’ve just moved into the dorms this fall, and I feel with that, I’ve developed all kinds of triggers for contamination ocd that I’ve never had before. I will never touch my carpet, or anything that has direct contact with my carpet because I have no idea whose feet have been there before me and I kinda have a fear of feet. I use both the dishwasher and I clean my dishes by hand because I’m scared that neither will be enough to clean my dishes alone, even though I hand wash them very thoroughly. Even after all this I don’t trust them to be clean. Sometimes I wash my dishes many times before using them. These are just a couple examples of the contamination things that freak me out. The worst thing of all is my shower. All my life I’ve felt like the shower wasn’t safe to some extent. I used to barely be able to get through washing my face before I had to peek out the shower curtain for the millionth time and checked if the bathroom door was locked, and I have had triggers in the past with contamination ocd in my own shower at home. But now it’s like a whole other level. My shower is a disgusting place to me even though I clean it often. And I know that I can’t just avoid showering, so I’m sort of forced into the erp on this one but I feel so much anxiety with every second that I’m in the shower. I try to ignore my discomfort and just sit with it but it still seems to get worse every day. I wanted to catch this obsession early by starting erp before it got bad but I feel like I’m trying erp and it still manages to get worse. Does this mean my fears are justified? Should I be afraid of my shower? Is something bad going to happen to me because my shower isn’t clean? I hate this.

Every time I'm in uni, or I hand in an essay and get any kind of feedback, I start panicking about having possibly said the wrong thing. I softened a very awful period of American history in the introduction of one of my recent essays, and now I'm absolutely terrified that I look like I'm uneducated on the topic or that I don't think it was a big deal, when I do. I do that after anything I say or do doesn't come out the way I want it to, and it's just culminating in a lot of anxiety today, because I don't want my tutors to hate me.

I am 21, a girl and still in college. I can't afford therapy . I would be so grateful to learn and try the erp practices from the community. Thank you!

How do you guys deal with suicidal thoughts? I feel such a heavy heart like it’s a never ending story My anxiety my intrusive thoughts the blue feelings out of nowhere feeling crazy? I try to say it’s gonna be okay but when? I’ve been dealing w this for almost a year now and I don’t know if it really gets easier there’s some good days but bad as well and whenever I have good days I think about how there’s gonna be bad days again and I’m gonna feel like that again and not knowing when is it gonna end I wanna live but it’s so hard it really is hard living so negative and thinking you shouldn’t live because I’m thinking like a crazy person like I’m not okay, just how? How do I go on with my life how do I not think so negative how do I make myself understand it’s only anxiety and I’m not crazy? It’s so hard my heart feels so heavy I hate it