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the NOCD Community

Someone help how do I know if I’m gsy I was never like this my attraction is gone no anxiety thoughts don’t bother me they feel so forced bro I’m so confused like they were bothering me couple months ago so as the anxiety what is going on with me am I gay?

Would a gay person have intrusive thoughts saying you’re gay?

Anyone scared of being depressed? I have harm ocd and I’m so scared that being depressed will lead me to harm myself or others even though I don’t want to and would never want to. I’m so scared that I’ll stop caring and become one of those people who hurt others. I tell myself I would never do something like that but it’s like I don’t believe it.

so my anxiety has been quite literally awful the past couple weeks , like can’t go into public ect. And I’ve always seen stuff out the corner of my eye , but it made me think what if I’m schizophrenic. I’ve been so dissociated and just scared :( idk

Can I have intrusive feelings as well with ocd? I’m feeling so sad since I saw a post of my ex bf getting engaged last Monday, at the beginning I thought it was normal but then I couldn’t stop thinking about him and our relationship, I feel I miss him but it’s so confusing, why am I missing him? We broke up 7 years ago and I’m in a relationship and love my bf. But I can’t thinking that maybe I want to be with him and imagine how it would be if we try it again, but I don’t know why I’m thinking on that, it all started suddenly after seeing that post :( I feel genuinely sad, I can't help but cry every time I think about him. I don’t know what to do with these feelings b

Right as I’m starting to feel happy again I get hit with what feels like intrusive feelings… sometimes of sadness or anger which then triggers my intrusive harm thoughts. Not sure if this is a mood disorder or just ocd. They don’t feel like what my true feelings should feel like if that makes sense.. ugh the feelings are harder to deal with than the thoughts. Trying to lean into them but it’s hard.

Yesterday my in laws said I could hold my nephew and my head said what if you throw the baby I hate OCD :( I would never harm a baby

Has anyone ever experienced this? I'm at the point in my life where I'm happy. I have good friends, I'm going out, it's almost summer etc. But I'm also struggling really bad with ocd. It's latching onto the fact that I'm enjoying life and giving me so many intrusive thoughts how it could end. I'm so afraid of getting every illness mostly rabies right now. I'm trying really hard to just enjoy life but at the back of my mind there are always these thoughts that scare me so badly. It's like my life is finally worth living and ocd hates that.

Mental Disorders have ruined my entire life... It's just over... Don't know where to vent anymore...

guys im feeling a lot of anxiety right now and l'm very scared. I was searching on reddit on how to disable automatic download for stickers, and while I was in there I found a thread about someone issuing the problem of telegram automatically downloading all media like stickers, images, videos, gifs in the gallery. This activated a horrible trigger in me because I have this horrible memory of someone in telegram sending out of nowhere an explicit illegal **** gif in a groupchat related to minecraft, then I think he deleted afterwards, but I'm not sure if that changed anything. It traumatized me but I had forgotten quickly because I was so young, I was around 13 or less. Now that I developed pocd for a while I started remembering all the past including this, and it triggers me more than anything because it's something real that happened and I can't tolerate it being a part of my memory, that it's something "saved" in my brain" and the fact my eyes saw something like that even though it wasn't my fault makes me feel complicit. Now l'm stressing because "what if my phone automatically downloaded that gif in my gallery without me knowing?" l've already searched on my phone and the previous one and I found nothing, but that it's because they are not the phones that I had when that thing happened. I actually don't know what phone I used. I'm panicking, The old phone doesn't charge, the other one that I think was around that time is not here anymore and I should ask my father but I can't talk to him anymore because he discovered my self harm scars and is abroad. This is not anymore a matter of sitting through distress and letting uncertainty be, this is something that could be real and destroy me. I can't live like this, I have to know for sure that there is nothing like that in my galleries I don't know what to do. I wonder why that dude had to sent something so horrible and ruin my life. I can't practice erp with something like this, and I can't continue living with the uncertainty that there could be something illegal downloaded without my consent in my old phones. I don't know what to do. Yersterday was also very triggering, and now today. I also have to study for a difficult test tomorrow, everything is against me. I don't know what to do. I've been dealing with ocd all of these years alone but everytime I make a step forward ocd sets me back two before. Please help me deal with this situation Somebody.

What advice would you give for someone struggling with religious and relationship ocd? Thank you guys for being here and I’m glad i have a community i can confide in!

guys i'm feeling a lot of anxiety right now and I'm very scared. I was searching on reddit on how to disable automatic download for stickers, and while I was in there I found a thread about someone issuing the problem of telegram automatically downloading all media like stickers, images, videos, gifs in the gallery. This activated a horrible trigger in me because I have this horrible memory of someone in telegram sending out of nowhere an explicit illegal **** gif in a groupchat related to minecraft. It traumatized me but I had forgotten quickly because I was so young, I was around 13 or less. Now that I developed pocd for a while I started remembering all the past including this, and it triggers me more than anything because it's something real that happened and I can't tolerate it being a part of my memory, that it's something "saved" in my brain" and the fact my eyes saw something like that even though it wasn't my fault makes me feel complicit. Now I'm stressing because "what if my phone automatically downloaded that gif in my gallery without me knowing?" I've already searched on my phone and the previous one and I found nothing, but that it's because they are not the phones that I had when that thing happened. I actually don't know what phone I used. I'm panicking. The old phone doesn't charge, the other one that I think was around that time is not here anymore and I should ask my father but I can't talk to him anymore because he discovered my self harm scars and is abroad. This is not anymore a matter of sitting through distress and letting uncertainty be, this is something that could be real and destroy me. I can't live like this. I have to know for sure that there is nothing like that in my galleries. I don't know what to do. I wonder why that dude had to sent something so horrible and ruin my life. I can't practice erp with something like this, and I can't continue living with the uncertainty that there could be something illegal downloaded without my consent in my old phones. I don't know what to do. Yersterday was also very triggering, and now today. I also have to study for a difficult test tomorrow, everything is against me. I don't know what to do. I've been dealing with ocd all of these years alone but everytime I make a step forward ocd sets me back two before. Please help me deal with this situation. Somebody.

I feel like everything in life is just piling up on me and I'm just inches away from just breaking down. Ugh

For the past fee days my ocd has fixated on my boyfriend losing one condom i cant get over it Then a few things he said im over thinking now I was drunk (for context) He then asked me to check if his brother replied on whatsapp and my intrusive thoughts got the better of me and i checked his archived messages i didn’t look properly because i felt bad so i just came out of it- but now i just feel like a horrible human. I dont want to be someone who doesnt trust their boyfriend i feel like ive abused his trust Anyone got any advice here

Is it weird I been thinking about my therapist every single day waiting till my next session just for me to be able to Vent and express myself . I be feeling weird I think of her because I wanna talk to her .. I don’t really got anybody to talk too but if I do they maybe listening but they not understanding me … Is it weird me not feeling understood makes me feel lonely .

Does anyone else get thoughts that just seem evil? I love God & Jesus so much but recently I’ve been having Satan thoughts, devil thoughts and they bother me! Like selling soul, worshipping the enemy, enemy thoughts, thoughts about your heart and stuff. Literally blasphemous thoughts! It bugs me so much and makes me want to cry. I’ve had some thoughts like these before but recently they have gotten so much worse. Please has anyone gone through this? I pray God & Jesus stay with me!

Hi guys, I have recently discovered my OCD and it’s specifically about religion. Recently, I have been upset with God because I haven’t understood why I have these struggles (even though logically I can understand that everyone has different struggles). As a response to this anger and frustration, I’ve gotten some REALLY bad thoughts that go directly against God and that are really hateful to Him. Even though I’m mad I don’t want these thoughts, but I am really struggling to get them under control. I can’t tell whether these thoughts are actually how I feel or not because they are SO extreme. Like how do I process anger without being hateful towards God? Why are these horrible thoughts popping up? If anyone has any advice please let me know. Thank you so much.

Currently really struggling. I was triggered by a video that talked about how any kind of abuse in a relationship means the relationship should be terminated, no ifs, ands, or butts. I’ve been with my gf since I was 16 and she was 18. I grew up with some really poor role models and examples of how you’re supposed to treat a partner (parents were verbally abusive to each other, passive aggressive, etc.). I’m not saying this is the reason I’m so messed up (and a terrible girlfriend), but I think it’s a contributing factor. I’ve acted in a lot of stupid, unacceptable ways during our almost 9 year relationship. I get better every year, but there are still things from only a couple years ago that I’ve done that haunt me. She always forgives me and I always use these regrets as a learning experience and do everything I can to not repeat them, but I fear the actions are too bad to be worked through. I fear she only forgives me because I’ve given her Stockholm syndrome or something. I won’t go into every event here because there are too many, but I will say the one that is closest to the front of my mind right now. My girlfriend is trans, and it’s been a few years since she first told me she was questioning this. I was initially super supportive and she started therapy to dive into these feelings. One evening, she was doing teletherapy and in an impulsive, intoxicated state, I did one of the worst things imaginable. I listened to part of her session through the door. And not for one second, but several minutes. I don’t even know exactly how long. I heard her tell her therapist that she was sure that she was trans, and I basically freaked out. When she came out of her session, I had the gall to ask her about how sure she was she was trans and she confirmed to me she was certain. Cue huge wave of anxiety. Very shortly after, I confessed to her what I’d done and what I heard. She was upset, but not nearly as upset as she ought to be. I was immediately full of remorse, shame, and self hatred over what I did. I ended up self harming. It was out of self hatred, but I accidentally took it further than I intended to and ended up confessing this to her as well because I was freaking out. All in all, one of the worst evenings of my life. My girlfriend has forgiven me, but I’m terrified that she shouldn’t, that forgiving me isn’t good for her. It doesn’t bother her anymore, and she wants me to move on. And this is just one of the million actual seriously horrible real events that I have committed. I know it isn’t really OCD related, but I struggle not to bring this up, obsess, and compulsively apologize to her every time this resurfaces. I think I’m an abuser and it makes me sick. I love this girl, she has been my everything for almost 9 years. But I have done so many sickening things that make me unworthy of her. I feel like it doesn’t matter how much I change, I will never deserve her. She still shows me an incredible amount of love and empathy despite everything I’ve done, and I’m so worried for her. I just do the wrong thing at every possible turn, and I’m so sick of myself. I want to be with her more than anything in the world, but according to Reddit, the best thing I could do for her would be to rid her of me. I was an abusive, betraying, narcissistic, manipulative POS. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fix it, and I am so scared because she still wants to spend her life with me. I just want to be worthy of that, but I’ve fucked up too many times. Rant over. Sorry if this doesn’t have much to do with OCD. Im sorry if I upset anyone here. I’m trying my best not to google scenarios like this and read every comment. Again.

So, I really need to talk to someone, because I'm beginning to believe that this isn't OCD anymore. Anytime I'm reminded that my intrusive thoughts or feelings are apart of a disorder, I feel sad or disappointed because it feels like there's a part of me actually wanting to act on my thoughts. Anytime I look for reassurance of any kind, it feels like I'm trying to defend my thoughts. Anytime someone tries to tell me that it's OCD or that, "I am not my thoughts." I become upset or sad. Can someone please explain to me what is going on? Is it possible for there to be an intrusive feeling on top of an intrusive feeling?

Because of my other ocd things i haven’t been able to practice my sport-acrobatics in 3 months. i also have ocd and perfectionism related to acro. i’m still not even allowed to practice it until i get my other ocds under control. im sobbing and feeling incredibly sad and guilty right now.I have such a strong urge to just go outside and do it for hours like i used to because nobody can stop me then. can someone please help me