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the NOCD Community

These days, I spend a lot less time in my head and more out living my life. ERP is hard but worth it! It’s harder living with OCD! Stick with the process, it’s counterintuitive but works.

Today I once again have been trapped in the mental cycle of worrying i’m going to get sick, or something life changing will happen to my body / health that will affect my future. I helped a bird today, so now i’m worried i’ll get bird flu. I had a call with my GP confirming a have an infection in my uterus from IUD insertion (she’s not worried about it apparently) so now i’m worried i’ll be infertile because of it.

Before I was diagnosed with OCD I was certain I was loosing my mind. I convinced myself that I was schizoprenic or going slipping into pyschosis at any moment. It all started one day at work after having a few drinks the night before and chugging one of the most amazing tasting coffees of my life. I had my first panic attack. The best way I can describe it felt like my soul was leaving my body (I became really, really light headed). It was horrifying. This spiraled out of control with more and more panic attacks. I started having intrusive thoughts/what seemed like an intrusive urge to do ridiculous stuff. For example, I remember being in a spiritual development class one day and I had this intrusive urge/thought to smash all of the beautiful crystals. Something i'd never do obviously but the thought horrified me. Since, my OCD theme has jumped around a bit to so many ridiculous things. I had harm OCD for a while where I would see images in my head of stabbing someone or pouring boiling water on them. As ridiculous and silly as it sounds to an outsider, I can not even began to describe the grief and horror this created in my soul. I then had repetitive intrusive thoughts "schizophrenic" and "demon" over and over again gosh probably thousands of times a day. Again, certain I was crazy. I tried CBT which actually made it worse. I was terrified to speak to anyone about what was TRULY going on with me because I was certain i'd end up bakeracted and as a single parent I knew that couldn't happen. Plus I knew at heart I was not schizophrenic it just spiraled into this massive fear. It plagued my life every day for years until I FINALLY talked to another person that has OCD & send me an article about OCD where I began my research into leading to an eventual diagnosis. My compulsions were more mental acts like searching mental illness on Google for hours, avoiding triggers, and saying internal prayers or asking the universe to give me signs i'm not losing it in addition to nervous movements like fixing my hair or putting my hands near my face. I am still healing from OCD and the terror that its' caused in my past but i've learned to love myself and know that I am worth it (having mental health issues has always made me feel like it's my biggest flaw) and it's so beyond my control & despite my issues, i'm still pretty awesome! WE ARE ALL A LITTLE INSANE ANYHOW ARENT WE? Lol. Seriously, it's been an absolute game changer. I still have intrusive thoughts from time to time that create some anxiety but it's decreased so drastically. Most of the time I don't pay them any mind or it's tolerable. I am so beyond grateful for NOCD and understanding everything I can about OCD. My life will never be the same since that day but its still pretty damn good! I just want to add a couple other symptoms I experienced was dreaded fear I was going to start hallucinating at any moment. I'd question if I was really seeing/hearing things or if I was hallucinating, and constantly checking my mental state. Too happy? OMG I'm manic and that's going to cause pyshcosis. Too sad? Vice versa.. I hope this helps! Do the triggers, accept the uncertainly, accept your fear and get your life back.

I read somewhere just recently that over spending can be related to OCD. Not sure if true but curious how there is the connection? I don’t have excessive money to spend. I will though find myself buying things that even though we could use or even need when there is so little money and should hang onto it. I will go in the negative and not thinking things through. I hate this about myself. I don’t buy designer anything. I don’t buy expensive items. It usually small things. Then I wonder where the money went. Can anyone relate to this?

I’m an overthinker and I’d like to share my experience. Overthinking for me if had to be described in one sentence would be “There’s an answer to everything.”. I’ve been an overthinking since early childhood. I always want to know why, how and who. Why something is a certain way, who did what, How did something happen. I dive deep in my mind to solve impossible puzzles. Usually this happens when either clearly I don’t have all the information on a situation or I feel as if I don’t, that’s the most dangerous one, though they’re both bad. My earliest example of overthinking was in math class in elementary school. When I was given work to do I’d stare at the paper thinking. Who made math?, why are these numbers like this?, how come these numbers have to be put together?. I’d end up running out of time and failing math consistently throughout my education days. Now it’s all about relationships and goals. I have a set amount of goals within my relationship. I want to achieve those by any means possible, however when something gets in the way of those goals like an argument or she’s not happy with something, my brain full on panics. I want answers to what’s causing the problem and I start coming up with questions to ask her so I can try and piece together what’s going on. I’m in a situation where she doesn’t tell me much of the things I want to know which in turn makes it worse because I have to now try and come Up with my own answer to this burning question. The way I do that is evaluate the answers I have, feel what direction they’re leaning in good or bad, evaluate her current/recent character and behavior because that will affect how she’ll make decisions. The goal here is to come up with the best answer coming from her perspective. After that I form 2-3 answers to that question and am now tasked with sticking to 1 or 2 of them till I can ask again and get the actual answer. That cycle can last months! It sounds like a quick and easy process to just formulate an answer but no it takes me a long time to piece this stuff together especially if it’s more than one question or a situation that I haven’t fully addressed because now I have to figure out how I’m going to even address that. It’s hard emotional and mental work. It’s taxing, it’s draining, it hurts and to add a cherry on top it’s autonomous. Everything runs on its own from the moment I get even kinda conscious waking up in the morning to when I fall asleep which Is the only peace from that I get. Things are really bad right now. My girlfriend wants to leave me but is giving herself till the end of the month to see if she still feels that way till she makes a decision. She wants to explore get options. As you can imagine that brings me great pain and she doesn’t talk to me often anymore. I’m all alone just me and my mind with this information in a dark basement. My environment matters where I am affects my thoughts but I live in a basement so nothing I can do about that one. I sit and try not to pay attention to the time though that’s all I can look at. 3pm rolls around I check my phone 16hours delivered, 7pm rolls around 20 hours delivered, next day comes still nothing, then the next day nothing. This whole time all I want is to talk and figure out stuff together I don’t want to be left with these questions and my own answers. She’s so distant and I want nothing more than for her to be by me. Pain is the only thing I ever get out of this I’ve tried to escape self medicate I’ve slept days away I’ve cried for hours on end Tried to end it In my head I can hear audible screaming just needing my brain to shut off Nothing helps the only thing that soothes me is getting the answers I want and having our relationship back to normal fun happiness that’s all I want. I try to keep hope in her words of love and that she loves me and all but her actions speak so much louder. Anyway that’s my experience

I’m genuinely curious. What are some of the not talked about physical symptoms from OCD? I get anxiety from my OCD and it causes a lot of things for me like stomach pain, loss of appetite, etc. I think one symptom a lot of people don’t seem to talk about too much is the fear of going to sleep? I sometimes get nocturnal panic attacks and wake up in a jolt. It gets more common when I’m stressed or my period is coming. Does anyone else struggle with nocturnal panic?

i think one of the most interesting things i’ve learned when it comes to sexual themes is how rigid society’s views are on sexual attraction. i’ve learned this specifically from spending a lot of time in asexual forums (mainly because i feel that i’m demisexual or something of similar likeness) - despite popular belief, just being physically aroused by someone is not what sexual attraction typically is. having the desire to actually be physical with someone is sexual attraction. it doesn’t even have to be the whole “i want to sleep with them” but rather a desire to be as close as possible to them. many asexual people can feel sexual arousal because of a person, they just lack the desire to actually have partnered sex - despite popular belief, porn preference can actually have little to do with real life sexual desire. you can be turned on by things you don’t actually desire. - despite popular belief, you can be very aroused by the idea of real life sex while actually not desiring it when the opportunity arises i just thought these points could be helpful for those who experience sexual themes.

Recently started ERP and first I was very optimistic and hopeful about my decision and I was managing yk being exposed to my thoughts and fears during session but now my compulsions are super super bad I feel like I’m almost like a failure and that I’m never gonna be able to get better because I am doing my homework but it’s just so difficult cause I am trying so hard to resist a compulsion but today it was just so so difficult my compulsions went out of control

i hate the feeling of “excitement” in my stomach like i’m about to do it. it feels like butterflies, i hate it i don’t want to feel like that. i don’t want to hurt anyone, i say that all the time but it’s like my mind doesn’t get it.

My anxiety has been terrible everyday for 8 months straight due to engagement and getting married. I am now a month away and everytime I see my partner I start really freaking out over height. The anxiety is so intense nothing is helping. I just cry everyday. It doesn’t feel like ocd but real thoughts. What do I do:( please help me.

I am curious, how your OCD started and how you doubted it was OCD? (It can be any time of OCD)

I have two AP Tests this week and one of my intrusive thoughts has always been that I will never get into college (I have a 4.0 gpa) I had a panic attack last night and I’m honestly so terrified I can’t even think straight even though I’ve done all I can to prepare. So now I just have to stare at the wall until I have to drive to the testing place in the morning. I can’t sleep, or eat or do anything but worry.

Hello all, does anyone else understand this. I can be reading something on social media or news source and hear about a woman who killed herself and it becomes a huge trigger for me. I get so upset I try to know more info about the how and why of the story thinking omg what if I did that or became like that person. It gets my mind going whenever I come across these articles and I have to convince myself I’m ok and this isn’t my life but I get so upset and sends me spiraling.. Can anyone relate to this? How do you cope with it? I know I’m okay and wouldn’t do that but the what if aspect scares me 😢

Having trouble resisting compulsions

Hello everyone. I was diagnosed with OCD a month ago and it was a pretty crazy diagnosis because I went so long not understanding what I was going through. The onset of my OCD was in childhood for a brief period of time and then again when I was in college for a few months. Now as an adult it has manifested into ROCD. Because my subtype isn’t outlandish like my other theme is it doesn’t feel real and I find myself getting more stuck into the cycle. My main struggle with ROCD is the fear that I still have feelings for an ex and that I want to be with them. This theme presented itself initially in my previous relationship and pertains to the same ex. It presented itself again in my current relationship and it made me spiral bad when it first came up for me 4 months ago. It’s been particularly hard for me this past month and I have gotten to the part where I have so much su*cide ideation. I wish I could be fully present in my relationship with my partner who I genuinely have so many feelings for and am happy with. I feel so much shame for having these thoughts. What can I do?

18+ Sometimes my eyes rest on intimate areas I don’t know why. It’s been worse lately because I’ve been having ocd about it. Sometimes my eyes will rest on someone’s crotch of like the part of the shorts where they’re like separated from the skin and there’s like an opening. And one time I was on the train and my eyes rested on this persons crotch and they were in a dress. I looked away but then I had an urge to look again. I didn’t see anything private. They were sitting down and I was looking down because I was standing up, the dress was relatively short too. But then I realized the person was a kid. Then I started freaking out and crying. I had to be comforted by my girlfriend because I was so distraught. I’m kind of feeling bleak right now and irredeemable. I don’t like anything about myself. I’m really tired of feeling this way.

I was raised in a Christian fundamentalist environment. As a kid/teen, I was having panic attacks and experiencing crippling doubt and uncertainty, specifically involving the concept of hell. The idea that anyone could do anything to completely invalidate their life was, and still is, a very triggering thought for me. I have since left behind all forms of Christian thinking (or so I thought), but after some sessions with my therapist, it’s starting to feel like just traded one dogma for another in the form of OCD. Not intentionally, of course, but the thought patterns that led me to spend so many months terrified of hell and eternal punishment seem to rear their ugly heads when it comes to OCD and the punishment I feel I “deserve.” Has anyone else experienced this? Is the ex-Christian to OCD pipeline real?

Does anyone have skin picking ocd? I gouge my skin bc I can’t stand anything sticking up but then I make it bleed and feel gross and have to clean my room and shower. I’m so tired. Any advice?

Hi - If any one of you have done ERP on above subtypes and recovered successfully, please ping me. I would like to hear some tips from you. Thanks!

The visuals just seem so real and are so scary ! I don’t want to visualize any of these things!