Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone have any tips to improve mental health I keep on having suicidal thoughts and I'm always so angry I really need tips to help me deal with this

I wondered if there’s anyone here with experience of OCD treatment in the UK on the NHS? I’m having no luck at all and feeling quite isolated without an official diagnosis (I am diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder). Their OCD questionnaire was based on very typical OCD symptoms such as excessive handwashing, so my results got brushed off. My symptoms show quite differently, but I am 99.9% sure it’s OCD. Also, I know how much the NHS love CBT (I’ve had about 5 rounds of it - only works for me in the short term) but does anyone have any experience of other therapies on the NHS such as ERP? Thanks and hopefully this reaches some brits :D

it’s way too convincing today. i feel like a monster, it feels like the truth. it feels like i’m a killer who’s going to hurt their family. i truly truly do not want to, i cry and cringe at the thought. i love my family so much, more than i can explain so why? why do thoughts want to convince me that i want to harm them? why when i feel okay i get the thought “you want to hurt them” “you won’t feel okay unless you do”. everything was fine a few months ago, none of this would cross through my mind or even trigger me. isnt that enough proof? surely if i truly wanted to do this it wouldn’t just come up suddenly? but what if it did? i’m so scared but now it feels like the truth, and i can’t live with that. i don’t want that for me. i want to see my family grow old with me. i want to be with them. i’m crying so hard right now. i understand thoughts don’t equal actions, but the thoughts are already bad enough. sorry the rant, i just can’t calm down right now.

Hello NOCD community! This is my first post here, so not sure how it works haha. This is a relatively new theme that has cropped up over the past few months, and historically never really worried about until recently. It all happened initially because of a prickly interaction with a friend. A good few months ago, we were really good friends, we’d hang out multiple times a week, she’d invite me places, we planned to do trips out together etc. I would always be someone she thought about when wanting to do something at the weekend, and vice versa. But I noticed towards the end of January, she was becoming increasingly distant from me, making little jabs directly at me that were about me. She wasn’t asking me to hang out anymore. Just really unexpected behaviour from her that I couldn’t understand. It’s important to mention that I had done nothing to provoke this behaviour. She mentioned that she made a few new friends, which of course wasn’t an issue, and I was happy for her that she had met new people, but didn’t see how this justified her not wanting to hang out at all anymore. A day or two after this, I saw on her Instagram story that she was hanging out with a bunch of our mutual friends (and we’d hang out as a group a ton usually) without me, and it made me feel just really sad. I (probably stupidly) messaged her when I saw this and kindly implied that next time I’d like to be invited as it’s something I would’ve liked to join in with too. She was immediately so defensive and unempathetic, and I was taken aback by how curt and rude her response was, from someone who I’d considered a good friend. After that interaction I was so worried that she hated me and never wanted to be friends again. The stress of this was so much that I couldn’t eat, and made me feel sick to my stomach. It was genuinely all I could think about. I saw her in class a few days later and I apologised for what I said in the message, and asked if we were still okay. She said yes and we made up, and it seemed like everything was fine. But clearly it wasn’t, as we never hung out again after that. even though I would ask her if she wanted to do something with me, she would constantly turn me down, every single time. I was fed up and confused. I just couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to hang out anymore, despite the fact there wasn’t really any reason why we couldn’t. We would talk in class but outside of class it’s like she didn’t want anything to do with me, which felt so bizarre as we’d been so close for ages. Since this experience, I’ve made some new friends, but am always overanalysing what I say to them so as to not accidentally offend them, out of fear that they’d never talk to me again. I am constantly worrying that my friends all hate me and even the tiniest interactions will make me doubt everything. If anyone has experienced something similar and maybe has any sort of explanation or advice, please do let me know! Thank you!

Anyone else here have a hard time moving on from conflict? Like you will “resolve” with your partner and decide to move on from it… but then in your moments alone you rehash everything in your mind? We will come to some type of resolution, but then when we are apart, I will think of the fight and analyze what we fought about and how we fought. Then I will bring the issue back up again with my new discoveries and it starts the fight all over again.

Today was not a good day. My anxiety got in the way of hanging out with my friends and I planned to do this but I just couldn't bring myself to go far away from my house because of anxiety. I can't help but feel they're mad at me. I felt so depressed about this that I just ended up relapsing to porn. Then my usual fears of seeing someone underaged in the videos were there so I just click off anything that makes me feel uncomfortable and try to look up the age of models. While doing so, one model was named Daria, so I looked up her username to check, but it had a sexually insinuated word in her name and search results came up for an underaged fictional character. I know I didn't mean to look for this character but it still makes me feel awful. I just feel like garbage overall. I don't know how my anxiety and self esteem will ever get better.

Honestly trying to live every day to “save” people is exhausting. My days are filled with tasks to ultimately “save” somebody from harm. In my rational mind I know it’s OCD but why take a chance. In my mind I suffer so no one else has to. Exhausting….

I had very very bad se*ual dream about someone I shouldn't have. Does my dreams show what I actually want? why even it came in my mind

Does anyone else suffer with harm ocd the way I do, sometimes I feel like I don’t even have ocd and like these are my actual thoughts when I started ocd I would feel so bad for thinking what I was thinking and I would cry everyday but now I just feel numb and like I don’t feel nothing I can’t even cry I’m also on antidepressants so idk if that’s affecting it but it’s like the only thing holding me back from doing my actions is like thinking I could go to jail or ruin my life or regret it later in life & it’s like I tell my self or my mind that whatever it is and it like gets mad that like I can’t do it and it makes me feel worst because it makes me feel like I actually wanna do that and ugh it’s like a constant battle everyday because it like gets mad for not being able to do that because I obviously know it’s something bad and will ruin my life.

I come home and my partner is waiting for me asking how my day is watching just general chatting and I’m annoyed, that they’re waiting for me. Probably a trigger from a previous relationship. Why can’t they just get on with something? Why do they need me? Then I start to panic and think oh God now I don’t like them. I’d rather be on my own. Should I tell them how I feel or is that confessing? Start over analyze start to think I can’t be in this relationship. Start to think I’m a bad person start to think I’m never gonna be able to have a relationship if i have thoughts like this. Is this just another OCD moment? If so what ERP can I do?

I know exactly where it comes from. There were times where I was treating horribly as a kid but other kids. I remember when a kid hit me in the second grade and I hit him back, but I don't know why he would do that. I had one kid constantly telling me to shut up for no reason, and I was never really good at socializing. I remember one kid calling me a derogatory term, which I'm surprised he even knew the meaning of at such an age. In middle school, I was widely disliked by a group of girls because I tried to tell one of them that I liked her. They didn't like me for the ENTIRE school year. I tried my best to figure it out but just couldn't. They just didn't like me. I was bullied from time to time in high school. Someone threw books at me and pretended not to notice and someone pushed me when I was walking down the hall but I pretended to not notice. When I was a kid, I don't think I truly knew I was being bullied but by the time high school rolled around, I knew. I still remember the time a girl pointed out the fact that I do have friends in a sarcastic manner. I really didn't have any friends in high school because I fucking hated high school. Nothing good came out of it up until I graduated pretty much. Just when it was actually becoming something I liked, I graduated. I had friends and people that did like me, but I didn't know how to deal with those that didn't. I think don't, inner voice wise. Now, because of those awful events, I have severely low self esteem that truthfully I don't think was ever at a high point in my life to begin with. Aside from this, I have generalized anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. I want to hang out with friends at a place that's pretty far from where I am but I'm having trouble going through it because of my anxiety. I tried not to tell them it was my anxiety but they weren't good enough reasons so I just said it was my anxiety. I always get anxiety when around strangers and I don't really make efforts to talk to people I don't really know that well, or at the very least I'm not comfortable around fully. I hate this shit

Sitting here at the tire shop watching people who seem so normal. Just going about there day. Can they tell I have OCD. If they knew what would they say. I feel like everyone can tell how weird I am. I have so much shame and guilt. Anyone else feel this way?

I lost my job after 10 years with the company because they combined our office with another office. My anxiety, depression and panic spiraled out of control. I was so afraid I would never find another job and lose everything I had and have no insurance. I got a new job within 2 weeks and was sure that would solve all my problems, but I continued to get worse. I went to my new job and pushed through one week and ended up in the hospital due to my high anxiety and OCD. I have been so many different drs since trying to get the help I need. I finally found a dr that has me on Prozac and I am working with NOCD. I just can’t seem to get rid of the fear of losing the new job I just got. It’s such a scary and sick feeling.

I am getting confused When i am taking 5ml syrup of flunil I can easily do erp on my ocd Why my doctor decrease my dose to 2.5ml Its getting hard to manage ocd and anxiety Many reactions are coming out from me If i dont take ssri its effecting my nrml life also and its getting hard to do erp Suggest me someone what should i do Again i am getting scared thus i have to take ssri for lifetime 🙄🙄

Do you think this looks like a cavity? I am scared to get a filling because it can’t be undone and my ocd tells me I can’t candle it and will freak out and end up pulling my testy out because I can’t handle knowing there is a foreign object in me. I have a toothache tho and saw this. I’m scared

I am not sure why, but here lately (the last couple of days) I have been feeling irritated with my partner. In fact it’s not just with my partner, it’s with everything. Unfortunately this is bothering me because it’s almost as if I feel numb to my partner. The thought of being with him either causes me to feel anxiety or I feel nothing at all. Just typing this is making me anxious. I haven’t exactly had a direct intrusive thought related to the feelings I am experiencing but I fear that this means I should leave my partner. I fear that the irritation I feel could mean that I don’t really love him or that something is wrong. I wish I could ignore this but I find it hard to. In a way I almost don’t want to talk to him which makes me feel guilty and flat out terrible. I keep asking myself if this is just ROCD playing another trick on me or if I should actually leave him. The thought of doing so makes me very upset, it hurts my heart. I don’t want to hurt him because I truly don’t want to leave my partner in general. I love him very much, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. I want to be happy with my partner and enjoy the beautiful relationship we have. But because of all the anxiety I experience, I find it hard to do that. Something worth mentioning is that I have been without a medication that I normally take. I take Zoloft and unfortunately I haven’t had it for a little over a week. I am unsure but could the lack of medicine make me feel this way? Either way I have no clue, but I am desperate to feel truly happy in this relationship. Any thoughts or tips would be greatly appreciated! -Thank you :)

This is not ocd but I just want some advice So basically I sometimes maybe like twice or three times called my boyfriend by one of my male friends name. My boyfriends name is Ryan and my friends name is Hector and sometimes I’ll be with my boyfriend and say “hec” and he notices and gets sad and I feel horrible :/

Just had a huge spiral. I don’t know how it got started but I started having intrusive images really bad and maybe it’s because I was ruminating worrying that I brought it up so then it got to where every object I looked at an image popped into my head of me harming a child. And then I was literally looking down at my bed laying on my stomach so I wasn’t looking at anything, and I was so scared and nervous I was trying to think of the at wouldn’t trigger an image but accidentally kept thinking about random objects and then more images kept popping up and I feel so guilty and disgusting because I feel like it was definitely my fault. I DONT WANT THIS. And it hurts so much because I get no amusement or enjoyment or arousal from these images. I literally feel nothing for children. This didn’t start happening until a few weeks ago and I don’t have any idea why but it’s SO graphic and violent I feel like my morals have left me. I feel like someone who cares wouldn’t be eating, being around family, hopeful. I don’t want to do but I couldn’t live as a p. I can’t live with the images forever it’s so much to deal with I feel so guilty for living. I used to want to be a mom one day, not to play off of anyone’s emotions I feel like I am, but I’m 21 I had period issues didn’t have my period for a year and was really upset at times because I thought I wouldn’t get to be a mom one day. And now this is happening and it’s just vile and scary and it’s so confusing to me. I don’t understand.

Hi, I’m semi new here. I downloaded this app in 2019 and today is my first day back on it sense. I have always struggled with OCD, in particular POCD - and I want to give you hope, that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that this isn’t forever even though it feels that way. I have been doing great for years, but recently it started flaring up uncontrollably. I believe it’s because I have a new significant other, and I feel like I have to tell them about the thoughts that I have. I feel like I can’t have peace in my mind until they know everything including details. I don’t want to go to In depth here because it’s scary but I had a POCD intrusive thought about their loved one, and I feel like I need to share the thought with them so I can be free of it. Does anyone else struggle with this? Like you have to tell your partner or else you won’t have peace? I hope this makes sense.

i just learned what a groinal response is, and i think i have it. i do not know how to go on any longer if that is what’s happening. pocd is bad enough, to add that to the list feels impossible. i feel so disgusted and humiliated. i feel like this is all the evidence i need that i am a p. please help me. i don’t know how to survive this